GauraPressPOBOX6271MarionSquareWellington6011

Copyright©2010GauraPress

AllquotationsfromthebooksofHisDivineGraceA.C.BhaktivedantaSwamiPrabhupäda

courtesyoftheBhaktivedantaBookTrustInternational,Inc.www.krishna.com.Usedwithpermission.

CoverillustrationcourtesyofVrindavanDaswww.vrindavanart.com

Usedwithpermission

ISBN978-0-473-15929-0

PrintedatSamratOffsetPvt.Ltd.(India)

samratoffset@gmail.com

DedicatedtoHisDivineGraceA.C.BhaktivedantaSwamiPrabhupada,

myeternalmaster,fatherandguide.

Contents

AFutureforYourHeartandItsLongingsinBhakti

BestLoveArisesfromVoluntaryChoice

TheQuestion:CanYouTrainYourEmotionsHowtoFeel?

ThePsychologyofInsecurityandInsufficiency

PureLove,soExtraordinaryThatKrsnaWantstoTasteit

TheBattlewiththeEnvyMonster

AFutureforYourHeartand

ItsLongingsinBhakti

Thisyear,hereattheannualISKCONnationalfestivalinRussia,we’regoingtopresentathemewefirstdiscussedattheannualISKCONUkrainefestival.We’llbespeakingaboutthesamesubject,butitwillbealittledifferentbecausethementalityoftheaudiencehereisalittledifferent.Oursubjectisverycriticalforyouradvancementinspirituallife:HowtofeeltheemotionsofbeingaservantofKåñëa. This is very important because everyone likes to feel—everyone likes to have their heartpump,theirheartexpand.

Whenyourheartisemptyyoufeelhorrible,right?Whenyourheartdoesn’tfeelfulfilled,youare very disturbed. If we can’t satisfactorily express ourselves,we pain.Now, the reasonwhy somany of you came to Kåñëa consciousness was because you were frustrated in your emotionalexpressioninmaterial life.Firstofall, Iwantyoutounderstandthatreality.Youtriedexpressingyourselfthroughtriguëa-mayé(thethreemodesofmaterialnature);youtriedtosatisfyyourheartintheillusorykingdomofmäyä.Becauseyoufailed,andthensomehoworotheryoufoundoutaboutKåñëaconsciousness,hereyouare.

When you first come to Kåñëa consciousness you’re experiencing great relief from materialsuffering.It’slikeyou’vebeeninafiercelyhotdesertforsolong,andthenyouwalkintoanicelyair-conditionedroom.WhatI’dlikeyoutorealizeisthatinthebeginningsomanyofusaresimplyfeeling the emotions of relief. Just think about that—the refreshing downpour of relief-emotions.Thinkaboutsometimeswhenyoureallywentthroughatoughsituation,andthenafterwardsyoufeltgood.Youhadthatfeelingof“Phewww.”OfteninthebeginningyearsofKåñëaconsciousness,ouremotionsaremainlythat.Yes,fromtimetotimewemayexperiencesomeelationatabigfestivalandsenseawhiffofthespiritualworldinkértanaandjapa,butforsometimeourmainemotionalfeelinginbhaktiissimplyreliefthatwe’renotsufferingsoacutelyanymore.

WhatIexplainedtodevoteesinSt.PetersburgRussia(whereIspendmuchtime)isthatwe’vegot tomove beyond these emotions of relief because devotees don’t last in Kåñëa consciousnesssimplyonthatplatform.Thinkaboutthetimesinyourmateriallifewhenyoufeltrelief:thatfeelingof “Phewww... aaahhhh... I’m glad the ordeal is over.” How long can you go on in Kåñëaconsciousness, maintaining your dedication, simply with that experience? “Phewww... aaahh...phewww...aaahhh...phewww...aaahhhh...”Youcan’tsustainthatforlong;afterawhileyouhavetodosomethingelse.Manydevotees,however,don’tmakeitpast thisstageof“Phewww...aaahhh.”Therefore, after some timemäyä forces them back into material activities because they did notsufficientlydeveloptheirdevotee-emotionsasKåñëa’sservant.

We’re going to be hearing fromCaitanya-caritämåta and Çrémad-Bhägavatam, where bhakti-bhäva—theemotionsofdevotionalservice—aredescribed.ThiswillbeaprovocativetopicbecauseI’ve found thatmanydevoteesdon’t see room for their emotionalexpression inbhakti.We’ll talkaboutthatmisconception.Ifyoucomeeverydaytothisseminar,bythetimeitends(aweekfromnow)you’llhearabouttheemotionsofbeingaservantinVaikuëöha,theemotionsofbeingaservantinVåndävana,andtheemotionsofbeingaservantinthematerialworld.We’lldiscusshowallthegreatestpersonalities,inboththematerialandthespiritualworlds,aretastingbhakti-bhäva.Inthisway,Ihopethatyou’regoingtofeelhowyoucancomealiveinKåñëaconsciousnesswithyourheartandyouremotions.Iknowthat’swhatsomanyofyouwant;indeed—asNectarofDevotionexplains—that’swhatKåñëawantsfromyou.

InUkraine,IexpressedthatsomanydevoteeshaveanunderstandingthatKåñëaconsciousnessis a religious belief— like some kind of metaphysical theory that you accept. No. Kåñëaconsciousnessisaboutthehighestemotionalexpressionandfulfillment.So,untilyoulearnhowtoemotionally functionasaservantofKåñëa,you’remissingoutonthetreasures.Yousee,religiousbelief doesn’t satisfy anyone. It’s not going to fill your heart; it’s not going to satisfy yourintelligence.Whatyouwantisadynamicspiritualrealitythatyourheartcanfeelandexperience.Yousee,actually,everyonelikestobeemotional.Theladieswilleasilyadmitthis,right?Themen,however,won’t. Isn’t that so,men?Themenpretend,“Wearepurelypracticalandanalytical;wedon’thaveemotions.”Sure...sure...Theirconsortsknowdifferently!EverylivingentitylikestobeemotionalbecauseallarepartofKåñëa,whoistheSupremeEmotionalPerson.

Consider this interesting angle: Kåñëa is God because He’s the most expert at emotionalexpression.Kåñëa isnotsimply thecreator, themaintainer,andthedestroyer.Amongall sentientbeings,Kåñëaisthemostexpertathavingemotionaldesiresandfulfillingthoseemotionaldesires—thatisGod.LordKåñëahasanattributeknownassväräjya-lakñmé.ThatmeansHehastheabilitytoindependentlyfulfillallHisunlimited,emotionaldesires.BecauseyouarepartofKåñëa,youhavetheabilitytodesire.Isthereanyoneherewhocannotdesire?Isthereanyoneherewhohasneverhadthe experienceofdesire?Weall like todesire;we’re inherently attached to it.Theproblemwithdesireiswhenitbubblesforthinthematerialworld—desiregiveswretchedexperiencesintherealmofillusion.

Sometimespeoplegetsofrustrateddesiringintheworldofmatterthattheythinkthesolutionistobecomeastone—thatis,anentityhavingnodesire.Voidistsandimpersonalists(there’sactuallyscantdifferencebetweenthetwo)mistakenlytoiltoachievethisstonehood.Thevoidistspositthatultimately everything is zero, nothingness. The impersonalists (monists) propose that allindividuality and variegations are illusions because ultimately everything is undifferentiated

oneness. Both the voidistic and impersonalistic concoctions are the products of laboriousmentalspeculationastowhatisultimatereality.

Insteadof their learninghowtohaveperfectdesire,voidistsandimpersonalistsbothagreetojust abandon desire completely. That’s whywe sing about Srila Prabhupäda’smission: nirviçeña-çünyavädi-päçcätya-deça-täriëe.Haveyoueverthoughtaboutwhatthatmeans?Hetaughtthewholeworld,especiallyoutsideofIndia,howtobeperfectlyemotional.Hisbooksareinstructingtheentireglobethesacredscienceofemotionalfulfillmentinperfection.Therefore,inthatsamemantra,weofferourobeisances:namastesärasvatedevegaura-väëé-pracäriëe.We’reofferingourobeisancestotheservantofÇrélaBhaktisiddhäntaSarasvatéÖhäkurawhodeliveredworldwidetheknowledgeofhowtobeaperfectemotionalperson.

Weshouldknowhowtorecognizetheenemiesofperfect,spiritual,emotionalexpression.Themostformidableisthedeadlyduoofimpersonalismandvoidism.Seekingasolutiontofrustrationin the material world, the best notion speculators can come up with is that there’s no spiritualindividuality,noindividualspiritualexpression,andnopurespiritualrelationships.AnyonewhohasreadBhagavad-gétäknowsKåñëa’sdefinitivestatement[2.12]:

natvevähaàjätunäsaànatvaànemejanädhipäùnacaivanabhaviñyämaùsarvevayamataùparam

“Neverwas therea timewheneitheryouor Iwerenotan individual.Neverwill therebe suchatime.”Take it fromthe top(theOriginalPerson,Kåñëa) thatbothyouandHimareeternallyandindividuallyemotional.Indeed,tobeaconsciousindividualmeanstobeemotional.ThedifferencebetweenKåñëa’s individualityandours is thatKåñëa is thesupreme,unlimitedemotionalperson,and we are the tiny, limited emotional persons. Once we accept our identity as an eternallyindividualemotionalperson,nextweshouldthink,“HowdoIexpressmyself—myeternal,limitedindividuality—properly in Kåñëa consciousness?” This question leads us straight to the Bhakti-rasämåta-sindu(theoceanofthenectarofdevotion).

Theotherferociousenemyofperfect,spiritual,personalexpressionisthequicksandknownaskarmicactivity.Karmameansactivityformaterialgoals.Thekarmicworker,drivenbyapollutedmindset,mustactthroughapollutedenviron—themodesofmaterialnature.Suchmaterialactions,toxicdeeds,areacontaminatedexpressionofourtrueemotionalself,thespiritsoul,partofKåñëa.

Thegreatbhaktipreceptors,thesixGosvämésofVåndävana,werethemostexpertinstirringtherasämåta-sindhu (the nectarean ocean of relishable, emotional flavors). They were not teachingsentimental religious belief, or arid metaphysical wrangling. No. Çréla Çrénivasa Äcärya, in hisdevotionallymagnificentprayersÇréÇréÑaò-Gosvämy-añöaka,describes:

çré-gauräìga-guëänuvarëana-vidhauçraddhä-samåddhy-anvitaupäpottäpa-nikåntanautanu-bhåtäàgovinda-gänämåtaiù

änandämbudhi-vardhanaika-nipuëaukaivalya-nistärakauvanderüpa-sanätanauraghu-yugauçré-jéva-gopälakau

“I offermy respectful obeisancesunto the sixGosvämés, namely ÇréRüpaGosvämé, Çré SanätanaGosvämé,ÇréRaghunäthaBhaööaGosvämé,ÇréRaghunäthadäsaGosvämé,ÇréJévaGosvämé,andÇréGopälaBhaööaGosvämé,whoareverymuchenrichedinunderstandingofLordCaitanya,andwhoarethusexpertinnarratingHistranscendentalqualities.TheycanpurifyallconditionedsoulsfromthereactionsoftheirsinfulactivitiesbypouringuponthemtranscendentalsongsaboutGovinda.As

such,theyareveryexpertinincreasingthelimitsoftheoceanoftranscendentalbliss,andtheyarethesaviorsofthelivingentitiesfromthedevouringmouthofliberation.”

Rescuingusfromspiritualdeathinthegapingmouthmeanssteeringusawayfromthevoidisticortheimpersonalisticattemptatliberationfrommaterialexistence.ThesixGosvamisofVåndävanaalwaysactedtoexpandtheoceanoftranscendentalblissinrelationtotheSupremeBlissful,Kåñëa.Please think about that. Our predecessor äcäryas are always pushing the limits—successfullyenlargingtheoceanofKåñëaconsciousemotions.Theheightofthatpureemotionaldevelopmentislove of Kåñëa in separation. This pinnacle is the most confidential knowledge of divinity andtranscendence,theperfectionofyoga,themostconfidentialgemLordCaitanyabestowed,freely.Ifyou’rehereonthelastdayoftheseminar,you’llhearustalkaboutthat.

Forthefinale,we’llgodeepintotheforestofVåndävanainthemiddleofthenight.We’llseewhatemotionsaregoingonthere.Butbeforethatnight,we’llenterthepasturesofVåndävanaintheday to seehowKåñëa and the cowherdboys are feeling.Evenbefore that, though,we’ll visit thehouseofNandaMahäräjaandYaçodämayé.Therewe’ll seehowNandaMahäräjaandYaçodämayéfeelabouthavingKåñëaastheirchild.Firstofall,however,we’llpeerintoCaitanya-lélätoexaminehowLordCaitanya’sassociatesfeel.Throughoutthewholeweek,wewilldiscusshowwefeel.We’renotgoingtoleaveyououtofthepicture;indeed,youareallamajorpartofourpresentation.We’regoing to address your emotional needs and show you how they are perfectly fulfilled in Kåñëaconsciousness.

Right,nowlet’sgetthenotionofreligiousbeliefoutofourhead.We’lldoanexercisethatwedid in Ukraine. Please, everyone together repeat in Russian: “I believe in Kåñëa.” [AUDIENCE

ENTHUSIASTICALLY RECITES INUNISON;DEVAMRITA SWAMI YAWNS.]Verynice—youallgetmilkandcookies.Sowhatelseisnew?IsbeliefwhatKåñëaconsciousnessisallabout?“IbelieveinKåñëa;whodoyoubelievein?”Isthatbhakti—simplytohaveareligiousbeliefsittingontopofyourhead?MaybesomeofyouactuallythoughtthattobeadevoteeofKåñëameans,“WebelieveinKåñëa.”No.Sorry,butwe’rerejectingallthat.WewilltalkabouthowtofeelinKåñëaconsciousness,nothowtobelieve.

Religiousbelief isboring.Howmanyofyouarethoroughlysatisfiedjustbyholdingreligiousbeliefs?Actually, noneof you.What is theproof?Peoplewho simplyhave religious belief go tosomechurchortempleonceaweek,fortwohoursmaximum—finished.Outsideofthatsliver(thetwo hours maximum per week) they’re busy emotionally expressing themselves in material life.We’renottalkingaboutKåñëaconscioushouseholderswho,becauseofworkandfamily,canonlycometo the templeonceaweekbutwhosehome issurchargedwith thespiritualdisciplinesandpracticesofbhakti.We’rereferringtoreligionistswho,foraboutonehourortwoonSunday,makesome religious expression—often earnest—but then the rest of the week, due to lack ofcomprehensive spiritual knowledge and process, are simply expressing themselves in mäyä.Withoutknowingtheartandscienceofbhaktiemotionalexpression,youdon’treallyhavematurespirituallife.

Let’s turn to Caitanya-caritämåta and see how Kåñëa däsa Kaviräja Gosvami presents theemotions you feel in devotional service (bhakti-bhäva). As you progress in Kåñëa consciousnessthese emotions become so wonderful—they can become the devotee’s opulence. Bhakti-vaibhäva(theopulenceofdevotionalemotions)iswherewewanttohead.Buttoattainthisbhakti-vaibhäva,wemusthavedevotionalservice,notsimplyreligiousbelief,becauseoneminutewesaywebelieveinKåñëa,but thenextminutewewant to feel something.The truth is thatwithoutour feeling in

Kåñëaconsciousness,we’llstarttofeelinmäyä.We’lldiscussthismäyäsyndrometoday,butlet’shearsomethingfromCaitanya-caritämåta.Let’sunderstandtheemotionsofbeingaservant.

WeturnfirsttotheprinciplelimbofLordCaitanya,AdvaitaÄcärya.He’soneprinciplelimb;Lord Nityänanda is the other. Lord Caitanya also has smaller limbs, like Çréväsa Öhäkur.Accompanied by the big limbs and the small limbs, Lord Caitanya performs His pastimes andspreadsthesaìkértanamovementofpurelove.ConsidertherelationshipbetweenLordCaitanyaandAdvaitaÄcärya.LordCaitanyalooksuptoHimastheGodbrotherofHisspiritualmaster.RememberthatMädhavendraPuréhadtwoprincipledisciples:ÇréAdvaitaPrabhu,theincarnationofGodhead;and Éçvara Puré, the spiritual master of Lord Caitanya. The Caitanya-caritämåta describes thatMädhavendraPuréplantedtheseedofecstaticloveofKåñëathatlatergrewintothetreeofecstaticloveofKåñëa—CaitanyaMahäprabhu.HowdoesCaitanyaMahäprabhufeelaboutAdvaitaÄcärya?“AdvaitaÄcäryaistheGodbrotherofMyguru;thereforeItreathimwithallrespect.”LordCaitanyaisalwaysconcernedwithmaintainingtheetiquetteofbhakti,soHebowsdownatthefeetofAdvaitaÄcäryawithgreatdevotion.ButAdvaitaÄcäryalooksatMahäprabhuinadifferentwayfromhowMahäprabhu looks at Advaita Äcärya. Mahäprabhu sees with veneration and humility, “You areGodbrotherofMyguru”;butAdvaitaÄcäryasees,“YouareCaitanyaMahäprabhu,themasterofallLords—IamsimplyYourservant.”

HowAdvaitafeelsisveryimportantforustounderstand.AdvaitaÄcäryafeelsthebhakti-bhävaso intensely that He forgets about Himself in the ecstasy. But He’s the Supreme Personality ofGodhead, you know—so how can He forget Himself? “He forgets Himself in the joy of thatconception and teaches all living entities, ‘You are servants of Çré Caitanya Mahäprabhu.’”[Caitanya-caritämåta,Ädi6.43]ThisecstasyoftheLordandHisassociatesisveryimportantifyouwant tograspbhakti-bhäva.Beforewestartanalyzingproblemsdevoteeshave trying toget to theplatformofbhakti-bhäva,let’sseewhatlifeislikeontheperfectionalplatform.Thereforeweshouldinquire:What exactly isAdvaitaÄcärya forgetting?Hear ÇrélaPrabhupäda’s purport to the verse:“The transcendental devotional service of the SupremePersonality ofGodhead is so ecstatic thateven the Lord Himself plays the part of a devotee. Forgetting Himself to be the Supreme, HepersonallyteachesthewholeworldhowtorenderservicetotheSupremePersonalityofGodhead.”Canyoubelievethat?GodforgetsaboutbeingGodandwantstobeadevotee.

Quietlywe’reprobablythinking,“IfIwereeverGod,youcanbesureI’dneverforget it.Andeverybodywouldknowaboutit—‘I,thebigme,amGod!’”Ofcourse,youallhereareverypioussoyouneverthoughtthatyouwanttobeGod,right?AnyonehereeveraspiredtobeGod?Don’tworry,I knowyou’renot going to raise yourhandswhen I askquestions like that!Thosehere fromSt.Petersburg know it takes a few years of my special training so you’ll publicly raise your handhonestly, fearlessly, in response to such a revealingquestion.When I first came toRussia, to St.Petersburg,andaskedtheaudiencetorespondtothistypeofquestion,everyonejuststaredbackatmewith facialexpressions thatsaid,“Mahäräja,you’renotsupposed toaskquestions like that inRussia.Youjustspeakandwelisten.Ifwewanttorespond,wewill—butdon’taskushowwefeelaboutanything.”Right? Isn’t thathow it is? [AUDIENCE SHOUTS IN AGREEMENT AND APPLAUDS.]At first,when Iwould ask, “Have you ever felt like such-an such before?”everyone would just look around ateveryoneelseandthenstareoffintospace.Nodevoteeswouldraisetheirhands;noonewouldevenmove.

Then,afterayearinSt.Petersburg,wheneverIwouldaskforconfirmation,“Whoherehasever

felt like this?” slowly and hesitantly a few hands would start to rise, while their owners wouldglancearoundfearfully.Now,after threeyearsofmydialoguingwiththeaudience,everyonewilleasilyraisetheirhands,“YesIhavefeltlikewhatyouarediscussing.”Forexample,“Yes,Ihavefeltenvy,”or“Yes, Ihave suffered inmaterial life.”After threeyears, the response finally flowed.Sodon’tworry—Idon’t expect that youherewill respond in a revealingway immediately. Still, thequestion:WhoherehaseverwantedtobeGod?SinceIknowyou’renotgoingtoanswerthat,letmeaskthislessembarrassingquestion:Haveyoueverfeltlikeyouwanttobetheenjoyer? [SOMEHANDS

RISE.]Hmmm.Haveyoueverfeltlikeyouwanttobethecontroller?[SOMEHANDSRISE.]Aha!ThenyoufeltlikeyouwantedtobeGod!Sorry—Itrickedyou.WantingtobetheenjoyerandcontrollermeanswantingtobeGod.

Can you imagine that the real Supreme Personality of Godhead wants to forget about beingGod?Howcanthatbe?Wewouldthink,“IfIwereGod,I’djustbeontopofeverything.Everyonewouldbemy servant—plain and simple. Lakñmédevé, the goddess of fortune,wouldmassagemyfeet. That would happen in my Vaikuëöha abode, so what to speak of my intimate léläs.” Thisoverlord-contaminationwebringintobhakti.That’swhysometimesdevoteesmaymistakenlythinkthatthegoalistobecomeaparticularassociateinVåndävana,insteadoffollowinginthefootstepsofthatassociate.OurwantingtobeMotherYaçodä,wantingtobeSudämä—thisiscondemned.Buttofollowintheirfootsteps—thatistherecommendedway.Otherwise,it’simpersonalism.EveninthismaterialworldifIsay,“Iwanttobeyou,”you’dreply,“Youcan’tbeme.I’mme.”Wantingtobesomeone else is impersonalism. Unconsciously, you’re thinking let us be one and lose ourindividuality.That,ofcourse,isimpossible.IfsomeoneisKåñëaconscious,wecan’tbecomethem,butwecanfollowintheirfootsteps.

So,whydoesGodwanttoforgetHe’sGod?Ourunderstandingthismysteryisnecessaryforourappreciating bhakti-bhäva. Devotional service is so ecstatic that even God wants to forget aboutbeingGodandbecomeaservantofGod.AdvaitaÄcäryaisdemonstratingthisbhäva.Caitanyalélämeansthedemonstrationthatthere’snothingbetterthanbeingaservantoftheLord;there’snothingbetter than serving Kåñëa in the association of devotees and tasting bhakti-bhäva. Once weunderstand the emotional expression of a devotee, then we’ll be attracted to stay in Kåñëaconsciousness. Feelings of relief from material suffering are so tiny compared to bhakti-bhäva.KaviräjaGosvami says that evenanoceanofmaterial relief feelings cannot compare to adropofbhakti-bhäva.

Sometimes devotees have a hard time understanding what is the big point about the joy ofliberation,thejoyofescapingmaterialexistencebyattemptingtohideoutinBrahman.“Howdoesthatrelatetome?”Allowmetoexplain.Liberationisbasicallyaboutrelieffrommaterialsuffering.Wetalked inthebeginningtodayabout theemotional feelingofrelief. Just likeourroomhere isnow getting too warm, but if a nice cool breeze would blow in through the windows, you’d allexclaim, “Ahhh.” You can multiply that feeling of relief by one million, and still you wouldn’tunderstandadropofbhakti-bhäva.Whyonemillion?KaviräjaGosvamisaystenmillion!WhyamIsaying this? First of all, it’s in the çästra; and secondly, Iwant you to understand how rare andexquisite are the emotions of devotional service. As much as we may want material relief fromsuffering, such a gain is nothing compared to the emotions of devotional service. Can youunderstandthat?

CaitanyaMahäprabhu’sassociatesdidnotcometothisworldtoexperiencerelieffrommaterial

suffering.Theycametotastethejoyofbeingaservant.“TheconceptionofservitudetoÇréKåñëagenerates such an ocean of joy in the soul that even the joy of oneness with the Absolute, ifmultiplied tenmillion times, couldnot compare to adropof it.” [Caitanya-caritämåta, Ädi6.44]WhatdoesAdvaitaÄcäryasay?“NityänandaandIareservantsofLordCaitanya!”KaviräjaGosvamipointsoutthatnowhereelseissuchjoytastedthaninthisemotion.Yes,it’semotionalexpression—“IamtheservantofKåñëa!Iamtheservantoftheservant.”Thatisproperemotionalexpression;thatisproperego.Sowhenyouactindevotionalservice,thenyoucanbefulfilled.“ÇréNityänanda,theforemostwanderingmendicant,istheforemostofalltheassociatesofLordCaitanya.HebecamemadintheecstasyofservitudetoLordCaitanya.”[Caitanya-caritämåta,Ädi6.48]

Lastnightatthewelcomeprogramtothefestival,asIlistenedtotheglorificationsofdifferentdevotees,Iwasthinking,“WhenwillIeverbeadevotee?Oneday.”Then,thismorningIwokeupwithsuchahappyemotionalthought,“InthefutureI’llbeadevotee!Haribol!It’sgoingtohappenin the future!”Lastnight Iwas thinking,“Wow,somanygreatdevotees—Idon’tknowanythingaboutdevotionalservice.”ButthismorningIwokeupexclaiming,“InthefutureI’llbeadevotee.”Justthatfeelinggavemesuchjoy.

Now,let’stalkaboutemotionalexpressionasweconfuseitinKåñëaconsciousness.Weconfuseitbecausewedon’tseeit.Here’sabigmistakedevoteesmake.Theyworry,“What’sgoingtobemyfuture inKåñëa consciousness?”They’re not somuch referring to their future home,working, orfinanciallife;noraretheyreferringmostlytotheirfuturetemple,devotionalcommunity,orservicetoKåñëa.The concern isnot solelydevotional, or evenmaterial security.Doyouknowwhat themainanxietyis?“Whatwillmyemotionalfulfillmentbeinthefuture?Fiveyearsfromnow,howismyheartgoingtofeel?What’sinitformyheartinthefuture?Howwilltheemotionsofmyheartflowinthefuture?“That’samainworryforthefuture.Wehavetobehonest.Wehavetounderstandtheopportunitiesforemotionalexpansioninbhakti,otherwisewe’regoingtobetroubledbymäyäknockingonthedoor,“Knock,knock.Anyonehome?Haribolprabhu. Soyou’vebeenpracticingbhakti-yoga for two years, huh?Very interesting. And you’ve been controlling your senses, huh?Howlongisthisgoingtolast?Getreal—you’renosaint.Whoareyoutryingtofool?I’myouroldfriendMäyä, Iunderstandyou.Eventhoughyoutriedtorejectme,still Ihavenot takenitasanoffense.It’sbeentwo,five,ten,ortwentylongyearsofsensecontrol.Isympathizewithyou—you’vevaliantlytriedtodoanimpossiblething:you’vetriedtofollowtheregulativeprinciples.Haven’tyouspokentosomeotherdevoteeswholiveintherealworld?They’lltellyoufullKåñëaconsciousnessisnotpossible.

“AsyourfriendMäyä,Iknowyou’vegonethroughthefanaticalstageinthebeginningofKåñëaconsciousness. All new people go through that. They just have towait a littlewhile before theybecomemore balanced, more realistic, andmore flexible. I know that Kåñëa condemnsmaterialemotionalandphysicalexpressionintheBhagavad-gétä,butIdon’tthinkweshouldhavesuchanextreme attitude. Just look at your heart—how is your heart feeling now?Have you entered intoVraja-léläyet?No.Longwaytogo,huh?You’renotthere.Maybetwentytothirtyyearsfromnowyou’llbeabletorelishKåñëa-lélä,butwhatareyougoingtodorightnow?Howwillyouremotionsbefulfilledrightnow?Thatisthequestion.

“Myoldfriend,you’rerepressingyourself—you’renotsatisfyingyouremotions.Believeme,Iknow,asyourwellwisherMäyä,whatlifeislikebothasanewerdevoteeandanolderonetoo.Foryoutogetinitiated,youhadtopromisetocontrolyoursensessoyouvowedtofollowtheregulative

principles.Okay,it’sdone—it’soverwith.Nowit’stimetobepractical,right?Youdidit;youtookinitiation.Fine—Baladevadäsa,Mädhuryadäsé—youdidit.Buthowisyourheartanditslongingsfeelingnow?Areyousatisfyingyourdeepestemotions,orjustcontrollingyoursenses?“Icanseeyounow,bitingyourfingernailsoutofanxiety:“Ican’tdothis,Ican’tbreaktheprinciples.”You’returningblueintheface:‘No,no...Yes,yes.’Yousee,thisistherealbhaktilife.IknowKåñëadoesn’ttellyouthisinBhagavad-gétä.IfyoureallywanttofindoutaboutKåñëaconsciousness,youhavetoaskme,youroldfriendMäyä.I’mhonestandrealistic—holistictoo.

“Don’tgetmewrong—it’snotthatIwantyoutoforgetaboutKåñëa.I,yourfriendMäyä,wouldneverdothat.Iknowyou’reatheist;youbelieveinGod.Allglories!Repeatafterme,‘IbelieveinKåñëa.’Verygood!You’vegotreligiousbelief,butnowstillyouhavetolive.Thatmeansyou’vegottousethesenses,andyouhavetofeelwiththeheart.Andwhereareyougoingtolearnhowtodothat?That’swhyyouneedme,Mäyä.IknowI’mnottheUltimateTruth,butI’mtherealworldforyou;anditworksforyou,asyouworkforit.Howlongcanyougoonnotbeingfreetoexpressyouremotionsanywayyoulike?Ifyoufeel likeyouwanttobelusty,youcouldjustbethatway—I’dallowit.Whenyouwanttobeangryorenvious,youcouldsimplyandeffectivelydothat.Ecstatic,yes?

“Youmaylookatsuch-and-suchSwamiandthink,‘Ohthatswami—whatanecstaticdevotee.’Don’t be fooled, I can assure you thathe’s just faking it; practically all elderVaiñëavasput on ashow.Yes,trustme,it’sascientificfact.NoonecanreallybehappyinKåñëaconsciousnesslifelong.Understand you’re finally passing out of the fanatic stage into mature Kåñëa consciousness—welcometotherealworld,welcomeback.You’llbemuchmorerelaxed,muchmorefulfilledhere.Youremotionscanflowfinally,andfully.Asyourmentorandwell-wisher,Ipromiseyouthatfortyyearsfromnow,attheendofyourlife,youcanthentakeupKåñëaconsciousnessinabetterway.”

Thesearethethoughtsatthebackofourheart.Inthebackofthemindoftenmeansinthebackoftheheart,sotodaywe’rediscussingthat:what’sintheback.“Myheartwantstofeelfulfillment,feelcaredfor.Myheartwantstohavevibrant,thumping,yetsoothingemotionalexpression.CanIdothisinbhakti?Letmelookaround—isanyoneexperiencingthat?WhatwillIbelikefiveyearsfromnow?”Thesedoubtsandhesitancieslurkinthebackoftheheart;thereforeitisverynecessaryforus tounderstandand tastebhakti-bhäva—the emotional joyof being adevotee and renderingdevotionalservice.

ThisiswhatthePaïca-tattvacametoteach.“ThecharacteristicsofKåñëaareunderstoodtobeastorehouseoftranscendentallove.AlthoughthatstorehouseoflovecertainlycamewithKåñëawhenHewaspresent,itwassealed.ButwhenÇréCaitanyaMahäprabhucamewithHisassociatesofthePaïca-tattva,TheybrokethesealandplunderedthestorehousetotastetranscendentalloveofKåñëa.Themoretheytastedit,themoretheirthirstforitgrew.”[Caitanyacaritämåta,Ädi7.21]WhenyoureadthatthePaïca-tattvabrokeopenthestorehouseofloveofGod,you’rereadingthatTheybrokeopenthestorehouseofspiritualemotions.AndTheyfreelydistributedtheopportunitytogetthesespiritualemotions.

AdvaitaÄcärya isdemonstratingthepeakof thoseemotions:suddenlyHejumpsupdancing,shouting,“I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya,I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya,I’mtheservantofHisservant!”Abruptly,Hesitsdownquietly.Thisisbhakti-bhäva—thejoysimplyfrombeingaservantofKåñëa.All thegreatestpersonalities in thematerial and spiritualworlds arehankering for thisbhakti-bhäva.Therefore,wewilldiscussVraja:howinVåndävanathebhakti-bhävaisgoingon.We’ll

discussVaikuëöha,LordÇiva,LordBrahmä,andofcourse,LordCaitanya. In thisway,hopefully,we’ll feelmore inspired toactuallydodevotional service, andpayattention toputtingourheartsintoservice.

I’d like that you be able to feel room for unlimited devotional expansion on the spiritualplatform.Iknowsomanydevoteessufferfrompainintheheartbecausetheydon’tunderstandthefuture of their heart in bhakti: “Iwant to love, and someone to loveme. Iwant awarm, vibrantfeelinginmyheart.”Theydon’tseehowthey’llgetthisthroughdevotionalservicebecausethey’retreatingKåñëaconsciousness as if it’s a religiousbelief.Onceagain repeat afterme, “Ibelieve inLord Kåñëa.” [AUDIENCE REPEATS, WITH LESS ENTHUSIASM THAN THE FIRST TIME.] That’s not very ecstatic—LordCaitanyadidnotcometoteachthis.

True,believing inKåñëa is indeedbetter thannothing.Still,whetheryoubelieve inKåñëaornot,Kåñëaexists.Yousee,it’snotlikeyou’redoingKåñëaafavorbybelievinginHim.Sometimes,weputourselvesforwardinthatway:“Kåñëa,I’mgoingtobelieveinYou,soYououghttoreallybesatisfiedwithme. I have chosen to believe inYou, okay?Now leaveme alone, stay offmy case.SometimesI’llchant,sometimesIwon’t.I’llfollowtheregulativeprincipleswhenIcan;sometimesIcan’t.IdobelieveinYouthough:IhaveapictureofYouonmywall,IhaveapictureofGurudevaonmytable—hey,Istillevenhavemyinitiationpicture—isn’tthisbhakti?”Well,no.

Bhaktimeans activity: engaging the heart and senses for Kåñëa’s pleasure. Consequently, forthere tobebhaktibhäva, theremust bedevotional service.Ahappydevotee is always looking forservice, service—“Where’s the service opportunity?” Not, “Where is the religious belief?” but,“Whereistheservice?”HeorsheisconstantlydeliberatingonhowtheheartandsensescanengageforKåñëa’s pleasure. Those devoteeswho domeditate in thatway are the happy devotees. Theirheartsarealive inbhakti.Andthey’re feeling thebhaktiemotionaldevelopment,whichbeginsbyconsciouslyseekingtodosomethingforKåñëawithconcentration.

Nooneherecantellmethatyou’venevertriedtodosomethingwithcareandattention.Atsometime in your life, every one of you has tried to put your heart into something—a personalrelationship,somehobby,somegoalyouwantedtoachieve,evensomematerialpossession.Often,mencantrytoputtheirheartsintoacaroracomputer;ladiescantrytoputtheirheartintotheirflatortheirhouse.Yes,you’vetriedtoinvestyourheartfeltcareandfocusbefore.“Letmeputmyheartintosomethingandtrytodoitnicely.”Whenyou’veendeavoredheartilyforKåñëa’spleasure,thenthespiritualemotionsdevelop.

Nevershouldactiveservicegomissinginyourlife.I’msorrytosaythatsomedevoteesmayjustwanttobelieveinKåñëa,butwithoutactiveservice,theirheart’sexpressionwillreinvestinmateriallife. They’re going to forget about the feelings of relief, and then wonder, “Now what? I tookinitiation.I’vebeentobigfestivalsafewtimes.Nowwhat?”Or,evenifyoucometothisnationalfestivalinRussiaeveryyear,whathappensafteryouleave?Thisisoneweekoutoffifty-two—howareyougoingtofulfillyourhearttheotherfifty-oneweeks?

WeneedtheblessingsofthePaïca-tattvatoenterintobhakti-bhäva.ÇrélaPrabhupädaexplainsthat devotional service is like an ocean inwhich you can dive, swim, and never reach the end.Peoplelikeself-improvementbooksandseminarsthesedays.TherealselfistheservantofKåñëa,andKåñëaistheselfoftheself.ÇrélaPrabhupädawritesthatrealself-improvementmeanshowtopleaseKåñëamoreandmore—that isrealadvancement,realprogress.Actually,becauseyouhavesurrenderedtoKåñëa,you’realreadyperfect.Canyouunderstandthat?Ifyou’vefullytakenupthe

process of bhakti—chanting, following the rules, engaging in devotional service—you’re alreadyperfect.But,yourperfectionhassimplybegun.UnlessyoumakeproperemotionaldevelopmentinKåñëaconsciousness,you’llthrowthatperfectionaway.

Thosewhohavechildrenknowwhatwouldhappenifyouwouldputavaluablediamondintothehandofalittlechild.Yourlittlesonordaughterwouldeitherputthediamondintheirmouth,orthrowitaway.Theydon’tunderstandthevalue.Similarly,wehaveperfection,wehavebhaktinow,butifwedon’tunderstandit,we’llthrowitaway.Whatisthemainreasonwhydevoteesthrowtheirperfection away? It’s because they think theirheart isnotbeing fulfilled inKåñëa consciousness.Theythink,“Icannotexpressmyself,Icannotfulfillmyself.Idon’tseehowtodothisinbhakti.”AndthenMäyäbeckons,“Comeonbacktotherealworld.I’llshowyouhowtobeyourselfagain.”It’sagreattragedywhensomeonedropstheirbhakti.

Çréla Prabhupäda explains the ocean of spiritual perfection: he says that as soon as yousurrendertoKåñëa,you’realreadyperfect,butyourperfectionisjustliketheocean—onecanswimforever and ever, and never reach the shore. There’s no limit to the perfection. We can go onimproving,self-improving,improving,self-improving.Thatisbhakti-bhäva:betterandbetterhowtoserve Kåñëa, better and better how to serve for Kåñëa’s pleasure. There’s no limit. Then, ÇrélaPrabhupäda adds a point that there’s no limit to how much we may please Kåñëa, and for thematerialistthere’snolimittohowmuchmäyäcankickthem.Sotakeyourpick—doyouwantthelimitlessoceanofbhakti-bhäva,orthelimitlessoceanofbeingkickedbymaterialnature?Myself,I’lltake the bhakti-bhäva, but for that I need devotional service. I want to wade into the ocean ofdevotionalservice,starttoswim,andnevercomeupforair.Yes,thatiswhatourheartishankeringfor—toremainfullyabsorbedinlovingservicetoKåñëa.

ThatabsorptionbeginsbyconsciouslydoingsomethingtopleaseKåñëa.Ourmotiveindoingdevotionalserviceisnotbecause,“EitherIdosomeservicethismonth,givealittledonation,orelseeveryoneinthedevoteecommunitylooksdownonme.They’llthinkI’minmäyä.”That’snotthebestmotivation.Theheartenthrallingmotivationis,“Ahh,IhaveachancetoserveKåñëa!Letmeputmyheartintoit.”Puttingyourheartintotheservicemeansconcentrating,takingcare—evenifthismakesyoufeelinconvenienced.Then,yourspirituallifeascends.

Tomorrowwe’regoingtotalkaboutNandaMahäräja.HowdoeshefeelasKåñëa’sfather?KåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosvami saysNandaMahäräja is absorbed inbhakti-bhävaeven thoughhe’s in thesuperior position as father to his sonKåñëa.Nomatterwhat happens, he’ll hold on to thinking,“Kåñëaismyson.”HetoldthistoUddhava:“Oh,yousayHe’sLordKåñëa.Okay,allgloriestoyourLordKåñëa.ButHe’smyson.YouwanttocallHimLordKåñëa,allgloriestothat,butIstillsay—He’smyson.Soletusconcludebysaying,‘MayyourLordKåñëablessusallhereinVåndävana.’”EventhoughKåñëa’sfatherisinthesuperiorrole,stillhefeelshimselftobeKåñëa’sservant.Thisisthebhakti-bhäva.

Incomingdays,we’lldiscussthedepthsoftheforestofVrajainthemiddleofthenight.We’lldiscusshoweventhegopésfeelthemselvestobemaidservantsofKåñëa.Thesedearestdevotees,towhomKåñëasays, “Icannot repayyou foryour service,” still feel themselvesasKåñëa’s servants.Eventhedearestgopé,ÇrématéRädhäräëé,thinksthatway.Therefore,ifyouapproachRädhäräëéandpleaseHer,she’llrecommendyoutoKåñëa:“Kåñëa,thisdevoteeisbetterthanMe.PleaseacceptthisdevoteeasYours.”

BestLoveArisesFromVoluntary

Choice

Allowmetoaskyouaquestionthat’snotdifficult:Howmanyofyousuckedyourthumbwhenyouwereakid? [HANDSRISE.]Doyourememberhowyourmother tried toendyourhabit?You, the littlechild, were convinced that thumbsucking brings peace and fulfillment, right? Remember theemotionsyourheartfeltwhenyourthumbwasinyourmouth?Security,warmth,completion.Ifyourmother would gently try to pull your thumb out, you’d cry; often, you’d get angry. Sometimesmothersresorttoputtingsomethingbitteronthechild’sthumb,sothateverytimethechildsucks,hegetsabadtaste.TheparallelfordevoteesisthatwhenourattachmentforKåñëaconsciousnessisbasedmainlyonfeelingsofrelief,it’slikewe’resuckingourthumb.Andsomedevoteesnevertaketheir thumbout—all theyknow is,“Ibelieve inKåñëa,andIwant to feel relief. Iwant toescapematerial suffering and emptiness.” If another devotee tries to point to a higher level, they maybecomeafraid.ButiftheKåñëaconsciousnessglobalnetworkistoexpand,weneeddevoteestotaketheirthumboutandlearnhowtoserveKåñëawithemotionalattachment.

Such investment of the heart energy begins with duty consciousness. Even if you’re a busyhouseholder-devotee,withfamilyandjob—still,whateverserviceyoudoforKåñëa,executeitwithafinesenseofdutyandcommitment.Oftendevoteesask,“IfKåñëareallycaresaboutus,thenwhydoesn’t He force us to love Him?” Have any of you ever thought like that? [HANDS RISE.] Wemaywonder,“Whydoesbhaktiincludestruggle?Whydoesn’tKåñëajustforceHispartsandparcelstoloveHim?Whydowehavetogothroughtheprocessofsädhana-bhaktitoreachrägänugä-bhakti?Whycan’tKåñëajustmakemeloveHim?Thenlifewouldbesimpleandeasy.”Soundsgood?KåñëaforcesyoutoloveHim,andthenyou’veachievedtheperfectionoflife.

Butlet’sthinkaboutourselves—whatwouldwelike?Becauseyou’llfindinyourself,aspartofKåñëa,minuteamountsofqualitiesthatKåñëapossessesinfull.Youknowtheexampleofthedropofseawatercontainingallthequalitiesoftheentireocean.Nowwhatkindoflovedoyouwant?How

manyofyouherewantsforcedlove?Raiseyourhand.[NOHANDSRISE.]Justsee,noonewantforcedlove.Let’s pick a volunteer. Suppose Prema-Vardhana informs his wife, Änanda-Vardhana, after eightyears ofmarriage, that hemarried her because a spiritual leader ormanager forced him to.HowwouldÄnanda-Vardhanafeel?Horrible,ofcourse!Hermindracingandherheartpounding,she’dblurtout,“Ithoughtyouwereattractedtomyspiritualqualities,enchantedbymyKåñëaconsciousactivities,andmesmerizedbymybhaktipersonality.Now,aftereightyears,Ifindoutyoumarriedmejustbecausesomeoneforcedyou!”Whowantsthatkindofaffection?

Therefore,whydoyouthinkKåñëawantsthatorshouldhavethat?Justseeournonsense:wewanttogivetoKåñëawhatwewillnotacceptforourselves.Isn’tthisbogus?Notoneofyouherewants forced love.Eachof youwants to feel, “Oh,myhusbandorwife chosemeas awonderfulpartnerbecauseofbothmaterialandspiritualattractionandappreciation.”Youregowouldexplodetodiscoverthatyourpartneriswithyouonlybecauseofforce.Furthermore,whatkindofpleasureisforcedlove?WhywouldwewanttogiveKåñëaforcedlove,andwhywouldHewanttoacceptit?Kåñëa knows better—He’s the Supreme Enjoyer. Kåñëa knows that the best love arises fromvoluntarychoice;thereforewehavethewholeprocessofdevotionalservice,aspresentedinNectarofDevotion,toreviveourvoluntaryloveforHim.Kåñëagivesyoutheprocessofbhaktisothatyoucangraduallydevelopyourvoluntaryspontaneouslove.Whyshouldweaspirethat,“Kåñëa,forcemetobecomeKåñëaconsciouswhenYouthinkI’mready”?Kåñëawantsyournaturalloveforhimtodeveloporganically,notartificially.

QueenKuntéoffersabeautifulprayer intheFirstCantoof theBhägavatam:“Justas the riverGangesflowstowardtheseaincessantly,somaymyattractionbedrawntoYouwithoutdiversion.”This israga(spontaneousattraction),whichresults fromproperly followingsädhana-bhakti.YourattachmentforKåñëaisnotforcedtoflow,itjustemanatesnaturally—likeastreambubblingoutofapicturesque mountainside. Similarly, the devotee wants attraction and attachment for Kåñëa tonaturallyflowforthfromtheheart.Thatisrägänugä-bhakti.

You may respond, though, “If unforced spontaneity is the goal, then why are we followingregulations?Whydowehavetherules?Whythesädhana?Isn’tthatforce?”Considerwhathappenswhenyou’reverysick.Then,youhavetofollowthedoctor’sinstructions.Thedoctorgivesrulessothatyou’llregainyournaturalhealthycondition.SupposeI’mseriouslyill,anduponmyarrivalatthehospitalIannounce,“IknowI’mdeathlysick,butIdon’twanttotakeanyprescribedmedicineortreatmentwhatsoever.I’lljustwaituntilgoodhealthnaturallybubblesoutofme.”Ifyouindeedsufferedadeadlydisease,you’dnevertalklikethat.Instead,you’dbeg,“Givemesomemedicine,somerules,sometreatments—anything;Iwanttolive!”Whenthedoctorsays,“Dothis,that,this—andyou’llbehealthyagain,”you’drejoice,right?

What’stheworstthingyoucanhearfromadoctor?“Youcantrythisregimen,wecantrythattreatment,but there’snoguarantee thatanycurativemeasureswillwork.”Downsinksyourheadand your spirits: “What is the use?” youmoan. “I am to try all thesemedical prescriptions andlifestylechanges,butthere’snoguaranteeI’llbecured.”Thedoctorsympathizes:“I’msorry,that’sthe best we can do.” You, however, want certainty. You want to hear, “Follow these rules andregulationsI’mgiving;you’llsurelyseetheresult.”Ifthedoctorcan’tpresentsucharegimen,you’llbecomehopelessanddepressed.Knowingourlongingformedicalcuresandnaturalhealthregimes,whyisitthatwethinkKåñëaconsciousnessneedsnoprescriptionsandcurativeprograms?Bhakti-yogacomestogripswiththemostdeadlydisease:saàsära(repeatedbirthanddeath).Thus,itgives

us a definitive and precise medical process to follow. Kåñëa Himself guarantees the result, andthereforeÇrélaPrabhupädaguaranteedtheresult,hispredecessoräcäryasguaranteedtheresult,andnowhishumbleservantsarealsoguaranteeingtheresult:“Dothisandyournaturalattractionandattachment for Kåñëa will revive.” With proper instruction and direction, sädhana-bhakti willtransformintorägänugä-bhakti.

Actually, we’re already Kåñëa conscious—simply we have forgotten. Material life means anartificialexistenceinwhichweforgetallaboutthelovingserviceoftheLord.ByengaginginKåñëa’sservice,ournaturaloriginalpersonalitystarts toreappear.Sometimesyoufear,“If Iget toomuchintoKåñëaconsciousness,I’lllosemyself,Iwon’tknowwhoIamanymore.Wherewilltheprocessof bhakti lead me in terms of my personal expression?” Maybe when you first came to Kåñëaconsciousness,yourrelativesandfriends,bewildered,saidthingssuchas,“Wecan’trelatetoyouanymore. Who are you now? What’s happened to you?” They notice the decrease in yourmaterialistic gusto andmay feel threatened: “Idon’t feel thatburning fever inyou anymore.Youusedtobesuchafunfriend;youknewhowtoenjoy.Butnow...You’resopeacefulit’ssurreal.Don’tyouwantanythinganymore?Parties,passion,profit?”Sympathizewith them: it’snotpossible fornon-devoteestounderstandthedynamicwealthofadevotee’sinternaldevelopment.Sometimesyoumayexperiencethattheydon’tspeakmuchtoyouanymore;theyjustlookatyouasifsomethingstrange has happened. On the other hand, friends and family—who are fortunate, pious, or justopen-minded—maybesupportive.Mymotherislikethat.AttimesshetriestounderstandwhatIamdoing,becausemothersareveryattachedtotheirsons,especiallytheoldest.Shetoldmeonce,“IputthebestofeverythingIhadintoyou,myfirst-born.”Thebasicfactisthatbhaktiisverydifficulttounderstandfromtheoutside.It’seasytobelieveinGod,butKåñëaconsciousnessisfarfrommerereligiousbelief—bhakti-yogaisaboutdevelopingyourpersonalityasaservantofKåñëa.

KåñëaknowshowtostirthenectarofourrelationshipwithHimsothatboththeLordandthedevotee taste ever increasing and ever-fresh flavors. Remember what Kåñëa told His chief wife,Rukmiëé,inDvärakä?HewantedtoprovokehertothepointofangeratHimbecauseshe’salwayssosubmissiveandmild.Kåñëaenjoysalltypesofwives—thepassive,theassertive,theplacid,thespirited. Rukmiëé is always so peaceful and agreeable, but Kåñëa’s wife Satyabhämä can becomequitestormyandfeisty—allforKåñëa’spleasure.Once,KåñëaobtainedforRukmiëéapärijätaflowerfrom theheavenlyplanets, and Satyabhämäbecame fiery jealous.Topacifyher,Kåñëa then gaveSatyabhämä an entire pärijäta tree, while expecting that now Rukmiëé, in turn, would probablybecomeupset.But itdidn’thappen.Therefore,Kåñëa thought toHimself, “Iwant toenjoy seeingRukmiëé’sbeautifulfaceinanangrymood.”Wouldanyofthehusbandsheredaredosuchathinginyourhome?Thatyouwouldn’tprovoketheangerofyourwifesoyoucouldenjoyseeingherfaceinthatwayshowsyou’renotGod.TheSupremecandothis.“LetmedosomethingtomakeangercomeonMybelovedRukmiëé’sface.”

SowhatdidKåñëatellher?Calmlyhebegantoexplain,“Beloved,letMeexplainwhyIactuallymarried you.My enemies, who hatedMe, actuallywanted tomarry you. Therefore, just to spitethem,Imarriedyou.Thatwastheonlyreason—togetbackatMyenemies.”Canyouimaginesayingthat to someone?At theendof thisdevastating revelation,Rukmiëécollapseson theground likeshe’sknockeddownbyahurricane.ThenKåñëamanifests twoextra arms, topickherupand tosmoothherhairsimultaneously.InLaghu-bhägavatämåta,RüpaGosväméexplainsthatwhenKåñëamanifeststwoextraarmsinsituationslikethis,stillHe’ssvayambhagavan(theoriginalPersonalityof Godhead)—simply He’s manifesting two extra arms because of particular emotionally intense

circumstances.

It’snotthatfour-handedKåñëainthesesituationsislikeNäräyaëaorsomeotherexpansionofsvayam bhagavän. Similarly, when Kåñëa appeared four-handed from Devaké’s womb, still that’ssvayambhagavän.BecauseoftheemotionalsituationintheprisoncellofKamsä’s,Heappearedfourhanded.Yousee,DevakéwasinmarkedanxietyinKaàsa’sprison;thereforeKåñëawantedtoshowher,“Havenofear,Iamhere—theSupremePersonalityofGodhead.Don’tdoubtit,justsee—fourhands.”Kåñëawasinanxietythat,“UnlessIappearwithfourhands,maybeshewon’tunderstandthatGodhas actually come.”Kåñëa’s coming four-handed,however, actuallyputDevaké inmoreanxiety: “Yes I knowYou’reGod, buthowdo Ihide a four-handedbaby?Anyone candetect theuniquenessofthenewborn.Therefore,pleasechangeintotwoarmssothatIcanmoreeasilyconcealYou.”

Vasudeva and Devaké are not vrajaväsés. They’re near the Våndävana platform: that meanssometimes theyknowKåñëa isGod, sometimesnot.NandaMahäräjaandYaçodä,however,neverthink Kåñëa is God—even if you tell them, even if they see Him do something inconceivable.KåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosvämé says this is thenatureof ecstatic loveofKåñëa: even if adevotee inecstaticloveseestheopulencesoftheLordrightbeforehim,heignoresit.

Kåñëawithfourhands—inthepalaceofRukmiëé,orintheprisoncellofKaàsa—isstillsvayambhagavän.Underemotionalpressuresoflove,Hecanmanifesttwootherhands.WhatdidHesaytoRukmiëéasHepickedherupwithtwoarmsandsmoothedherhairbackwithanothertwoarms?“ExcuseMe,butyouknowwhat it’s like forushouseholdermen.Weworkhard in theday, andwhenwecomehomeatnightouronlyenjoymentistomakesomejokingwordswiththewife.”ThisisKåñëa—so expert at stirring the emotional exchanges, increasing the dynamic flow of love. Soremember,thepointisKåñëadoesn’twantforcedlove.He’stheSupremeEnjoyer.Heknowshowtogetthebestloveoutofeverylivingentity.

Queen Kunté realized this. That’s why she said such an amazing thing [Çrémad-Bhägavatam1.8.25]:

vipadaùsantutäùçaçvattatratatrajagad-gurobhävatodarçanaàyatsyädapunarbhäva-darçanam

“LetthecalamitiescomeagainandagainifthatmeansthatKåñëawillbeherewithus.ThegreatestcalamityiswhenKåñëaisnotinourassociation;therefore,ifcalamitiesmakeforKåñëa’spresencewithus,thenalwayslettherebecalamities.”SheknowsthatifKåñëalikestogiveuscalamitiestostir our love, let ithappen.That isQueenKunté’s ecstatic realization.Devotees love tohearhowKåñëaalwaysoperates for love.Thereforeweshouldneverthink,“Whydoesn’tKåñëaforcemetoloveHim?”

Letusconsideractivitiesofmaterialservice.Theyarealwayssolimited;theydon’tsatisfyyou,orothers.Ifyouacquiresomethinginthematerialworld,itmeansthatsomeoneelsehasmissedout.Yourgoodfortunealwaysmeanssomeoneelse’smisfortune.Just thinkaboutthat. Ifyou’rehappybecause yougot a certain job, someone else is lamentingbecause theydidn’t get that job. If youmarryacertainperson,probablysomeoneelseislamentingbecausetheycouldn’tmarrythatperson.Butifyoudodevotionalservice,there’snoshortage;morethanenoughservicetoKåñëaforeveryonealwaysexists.IfyougivesomemoneyforKåñëa’sservice,doesthatmeansomeoneelsecannotgive?If you dance in ecstasy in kértana, does that mean that someone else cannot dance? If another

devoteeishappyindevotionalservice,doesthatmeanthere’llbelesshappinessforme?Iremembermypre-devotionaldays,morethanthreedecadesago,whenIfirststartedreadingÇrélaPrabhupäda’sbooks. I had a misconception: reading inKåñëa, The Supreme Personality of Godhead about thespiritualworld, I thought, “Wow,Kåñëa’s abode sounds sowonderful. I should hurry up and gotherebeforeitgetsovercrowded.”[LAUGHTER.]Ithought,“Surelyeveryonewillwanttogotothisplace,soIhavetohurryupotherwisealltheplaceswillbefilled.”

Itoldyouabouttheremnants,yes?PrabhupädaalwayswritesthatyouofferyourfoodtoKåñëaandthenyoutaketheremnants.InmyfirstdaysofexploringKåñëaconsciousness,Ithought,“Thisdoesn’tmakesense—I’mnotgoingtodoit.YoucookabigpotoffoodandyouofferittoKåñëa,thenyouupendthepotandthrowallthecontentsawayexceptforwhateverclingstothebottomofthepot—that remainder, the remnant, iswhat you can eat.” I thought, “This is crazy—I’mnot doingthat.” [LAUGHTER.] Because I was reading the books without the association of devotees, Imisunderstood.Iwastakingthepreciseliteralmeaningofthewordandmissedthepoint.Kåñëa’smercy,inwhateverformofprasäda,isneverlimited.TherealityisthatthemoreweserveKåñëa,themore theoceanof devotional service increases.ThePaïca-tattva came to show this example: themorethePaïca-tattvadance,themorethefloodofloveofKåñëaincreases.ThemoresomeoneelseservesKåñëa,themoreopportunitythereisforme.Themoreyoubecomeabsorbedintheemotionsofdevotion—bhakti-bhäva—themorethere’llbeforme.

Thisisthenatureoflifeonthespiritualplatform—theemotionalexchangeshavenoceiling,noplateau. I know you all have experienced the phenomenon of limited emotional reciprocation inyourrelationships,right?Rememberthefirsttimeyoudivedintoadeepemotionalrelationshipwithsomeone?Rememberwhatyoufelt like?“Aaaahhh, this isgoingtobeanendlessswim.Weshallcontinuouslydelightinexploringeachother’sfeelingswithoutsatiation.Untiltheendoftime,ourreciprocationswillremainever-fresh.”Howlongdiditlast?Veryquicklyyourealizeyou’redealingwith limitation insomanyways: timerules, timedeteriorates, space restricts, thoughtsconstrain,emotionsdissipate.

InUkraine, Iwas talking abouthow, generally,mature couples inKåñëa consciousnesshaveestablished a deep, friendly relationship. The passion of romance long gone, they become deepfriends.Thatmeans theyappreciateeachother’s limitations,andtheyassisteachother inservingKåñëa. Iwas talkingwith aGodbrother andhiswife,whohave beenmarried for thirty years. Sowhilehewastalkingtome,hejustkindofslappedhiswifeontheback,exclaiming,“Yup,she’sagoodfriend.”Inotherwords,“Wedon’thavefalseexpectationsofeachotheranymore.Wehaveapartnershipindoingdevotionalservice.”Andhiswifelaughed;shewashappywithhisdeclarationoffriendship.Seeinganopportunityforvaluableresearch,Iaskedher,“Thirtyyearsago,inthefirststageofyourmarriage,wouldyouhavebeenhappy tohearyourhusbandrefer toyouas ‘agoodfriend’?”Shesaid,“Noway!ThirtyyearsagoIhadtobetheEverything,thecauseofallcausesforhim.”Now,inthematurephaseoftheirrelationship,she’squitecontentforherhusbandtorefertoherincamaraderie.ThatmeanstheybothacceptthattheycannotsatisfyeachotherwithoutkeepingKåñëainthecentreandsatisfyingHim.WithKåñëainthecentre,thenyoucanaccesstheoceanofunlimitedbhaktiemotions.

Next, let us discuss the excitement of anticipation in devotion. This is very important. Youshouldvisualise inadvancehowyoursensesaregoingtoengage inKåñëa’sservice:“MyearsaregoingtohearaboutKåñëainBhägavatamclass.Mytongueisgoingtotasteprasädaandvibratethe

holynameofKåñëa.Withmyeyes,IshallstareattheDeityformoftheLord.”Youshouldalwaysfeelthisexcitedsenseofanticipation.WeshouldofferthisfeelingtoKåñëa.Wouldn’tyoulikethatsomeonehad thisexcitementofanticipationaboutyou?If someoneeagerly longed,“Whenwill Imeetyouinordertodoservice?”wouldn’tyoubehappy?“Icouldn’twaittogethometobewithyou!Iwaslongingtocomehometocookforyou,tocleanthehouseforyouortobuythingsforyouandtotalkwithyou.”Hearingthat,howwouldyoufeel?“Ohyeah,thisislifeasitshouldbe!Yes,thisiswhatit’sallabout.”

Now,whycan’twethinkaboutdevotionalservicelikethat?“Oh,howmysensesaregoingtoengageinbhakti!”Forexample,“I’mgoingtostareattheDeities.”Isthereanyoneherewholikestobestaredat?No,noteveninafamily.Supposeyoujuststartstaringatyourhusbandorwife—afterafew moments, the person would feel uncomfortable. “What’s wrong with you? You’ve got aproblem?”Kåñëaistheonepersonyoucanstareatallthetimeandthere’llneverbeaproblem.InthiswayyouproperlyengagethestaringpropensityinKåñëa’sservice.StareattheDeities.Tryit.MakeappointmentsinyourschedulesimplytogoseetheDeityandstare.Someoneasksyou,“Mydeardevotee,whereareyougoing?”“I’mgoingtostareattheDeities.”This iswonderful—Kåñëalikesit.He’swaitingforyou.He’sthinking,“I’vecometothistemple.YouinvitedandinstalledMe.Now, come and stare at Me—don’t just feed Me. Come stare at Me.” So you can feel thatanticipation: “I’m going to go stare at Kåñëa.” Before honoring prasäda, you’re feeling thatanticipation:“Wow,it’sgoingtobeasumptuousfeast.”

Mypointisthatalloursenses—notjustthetongue—shouldcomealiveinthisexcitementofanticipatingconnectiontoKåñëa.Justlikewhenyouwakeupinthemorningandprepareformahä-mantrameditation, you should feel this excitement: “Another chance to chantKåñëa’snamewithattention—wonderful!”Ourattitudeshouldn’tbe,“Ohno,Ihavetochant.HowmanyroundscanIsqueezeoutbeforeIswitchtomoreimportantactivities?I’lljustdotwonow,andI’llsavetherestforthisevening.”Then,whathappensintheevening?“Ohno,fourteenroundsleft.ButI’mtootiredtochant.PerhapsIshouldstimulatemymindfirst,forchanting.”Howdoyoudothat?Click.Ongoesthetelevision,right?Tohelpyourelax,right?Thenit’snineorteno’clockatnight.Thenwhatdoyoudo?“Tomorrow—I’llbemorerefreshedinthemorning.”Andwhathappenstomorrow?Yougetuplate.“Well,Ididplantogetupearlyandfinishyesterday’srounds,butI’mtired.Wehavetobepractical.I’lldealwiththissituationintheevening.”Comeeveningyou’rebehindaboutthirtyrounds.

Nextwhatdoyoudo?It’stimeforsädhu-saìga—enliveningdevoteeassociation.Youcallupafriendwhowillsympathizewithyournotchanting:“Prabhu,allgloriestoyoubecauseIknowyouunderstoodthispracticalrealitytwoyearsago.Nowthetruthhasfinallydawneduponme:it’sjustimpossibletochantsixteenroundswhileworkingorraisingafamily.NowI’mreadytoliveintherealworld.This chanting sixteen rounds ismainly for thosewhoaren’tmarriedyetorwhodon’twork. Imean, I reallywant to,but it’s justnotpossible.Whatdoyou think?”The friendreplies,“Yeah,Itoldyouthattwoyearsago—it’snotpossible,youjustcan’tdoit.ButIstillwearmyneckbeadsofcourse,andIhaveapictureofmyGuruMahäräja.Whenhevisits, I’mrightthereathisfeet.”Yes,thisishoweverythinggoesdown.Thereforeweshouldnotlookatchantingassomekindofdrudgery,amonotonouschorethathastobedonedaily.Itisajoy,adailydelight.LetuspraytoKåñëa,“Pleaseletmefeelemotionsofanticipationtowardmydailychanting.”

YesterdaywediscussedAdvaitaÄcärya’ssayingthatnootherwayistheretotastesuchjoyas

thatintheemotionofservitude.WediscussedhoweventheincarnationsofGodwouldratherforgetThey’reGodsoTheycantastebhaktibhäva,theemotionsofbeingadevotee.LakñmédevéresidesonthechestofNäräyaëa inVaikuëöha.Butwhat is shepraying for?Däsya-sukha—thehappiness ofbeingamaidservantatthelotusfeetoftheLord.KåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosväméexplainsthatalthoughthe associates of Lord Caitanya— Çréväsa, Haridäsa, Rämadäsa, and so forth—are all gloriouslearnedscholars,nevertheless, thesentimentof servitude toLordCaitanyamakes themmadwithecstasy. Thus they dance, sing, and laugh like madmen, and in their state of pure spiritualintoxication,theyinstructeveryone,“JustbelovingservantsofLordCaitanya.”

Now,beforetalkingaboutNandaMahäräja,letushearaverykeyexplanationfromKåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosvämé.He’sgoingtotalkaboutauniqueeffectofkåñëa-prema.Whathappensisthat,inpureloveofKåñëainVåndävana,eventhoseintherelationshipsofsuperiorsandequalstoKåñëastillfeelthespiritofservicetotheLord.Usuallyyouwouldthinkthatservicecomesfrominferiorstothesuperiors.ÇrélaPrabhupädahelpsustounderstandthespecialVåndävanaatmosphere,whereevensuperiorstoKåñëatastethenectarofservice.PrabhupädaadmitsthattheserviceattitudeofthedevoteeswhoactasthesuperiorsoftheLordisverydifficulttounderstand,butwecanclearlyseeituponstudyingthesuper-excellenceoftheirservicetoKåñëa.LordNäräyaëa,inVaikuëöha,acceptsservice fromonlythose inroles less than,orequal toHim.But in theVåndävanapastimes,Kåñëaacceptsservicenotonlyfromsubordinates,butalsofromfathers,teachers,andotherelderswhoareclearlyHissuperiors,aswellasfromfriendswhoareclearlyHisequals.

Let’scallonsomeevidencetodrivethispointhome.Weneedpramäëa(evidence)becauseinVaiñëavadiscussions you don’t make assertions without documentation. InCaitanya-caritämåta,KaviräjaGosväméwilldothat.Beginninghisauthentication,heexplainsthatNandaMahäräjaisthesenior,thefatherofKåñëa.InthewholeofVrajabhümi,nooneisamorerespectedelderofKåñëathanhe.NandaMahäräjahasçuddha-vätsalya-rasa(purepaternalloveofKåñëa).There’snoéçvara-jïäna—noconception thatKåñëa isGod, thesupremecontroller.Still, ecstatic lovemakesNandaMahäräjafeel,“I’maservantofKåñëa.”Hefeelsthisemotionofservitudewithinhisparentalflavor,hisvätsalya–rasa,withKåñëa.Yes,thoughdifficulttounderstand,thewayoftheLord’spastimesinVrajaisthatevensomeoneinarelationshipofbeingsuperiortoKåñëastillfeelshimselforherselftobeKåñëa’s servant.What is thedirect evidence, thepramäëa?The author ofCaitanya-caritämåtapresentsNandaMahäräjainhisveryownwords,whereinhepraysforratiandmati,andforkåñëa-caraëa.Ratimeansattraction,andmatimeansaffection—all forthekåñëa-caraëa, thelotusfeetofKåñëa.Çré-mukha-väëé,thewordsfromNandaMahäräja’sownsacredmouth,aretheproof.HebegsforattachmentanddevotiontothelotusfeetofKåñëa.

Uddhavaisthechiefcounselor,advisoroftheLord.He’sknownasmantré-räja—thechiefofallthecounselors.YouknowhowKåñëasentUddhavatoVåndävanatostudytheecstatic loveof theresidentsthereandthenbringbackareporttoMathuraandDvärakä.WhatdoesNandaMahäräjasaytohim?“MydearUddhava,pleaselistentome.IknowyouthinkKåñëaisGod,butthetruthisthatHeismyson.AlthoughyouseeHimasGod,IfeelforHimasmyson.Soletuscompromise.IpraythatmymindmaybeattachedtoyourLordKåñëa.He’syourLordKåñëa,andHe’smyson—IwantattractionforHim.”HereyouseethatalthoughNandaMahäräjaisnotseeingKåñëaasGod,nevertheless,he’sprayingforattachmentanddevotiontothekåñëa-caraëa(thelotusfeetofKåñëa).He’sprayingfortherati,theattractionandthemati,theaffection.Inotherwords,hehasthefeelingofbeingKåñëa’sservant.

Iknowit’salittledifficulttounderstand.KaviräjaGosväméhasparaphrasedaversefromtheBhägavatam.What’shappening is thatUddhava isabout to leaveVåndävana, finally, after severalmonthsofstudyingtheinhabitantsandhelpingthemintheirfeelingsofseparationfromKåñëa.Nowhe’s getting onhis chariot to leave, andNandaMahäräja leads all the residents ofVåndävana inasking Uddhava for a benediction. As Uddhava bids farewell to the Vrajaväsés, NandaMahäräjaintonesonbehalfofallthepeople:

manasovåttayonaùsyuùkåñëa-pädämbujäçrayäù

väco’bhidhäyinérnämnäàkäyastat-prahvaëädiñu

“MayourmindsbeattachedtothelotusfeetofyourLordKåñëa,mayourtongueschantHisholynames,andmayourbodieslieprostratebeforeHim.”

karmabhirbhrämyamäëänäàyatrakväpéçvarecchayämaìgaläcaritairdänairatirnaùkåñëaéçvare

“WhereverwewanderinthematerialuniverseundertheinfluenceofkarmabythewilloftheLord,mayourauspiciousactivitiescauseourattractiontoLordKåñëatoincrease.”

These verses quoted in Caitanya-caritämåta [Ädi 6:60, 61] are from Çrémad-Bhägavatam[10.47.66-67]. Caitanya-caritämåta, the pinnacle ofVaiñëava literature, is full of sweets from themostnectareanVaiñëava texts.Here,NandaMahäräjashowsthateventhoughhe’s inthesuperiorroletoKåñëa,asHisfather,stillhefeelstheservitudeemotion.

Theseprayers,offeredtearfully,arewonderfulforustokeepinmindasweshapeourlifestylesandgoaboutourday.TheresidentsofVåndävana,ledbyNandaMahäräja,werenotsayinggoodbyetoUddhavadue toonly social ritual; theywere actually feeling spontaneousaffection forKåñëa’sdear friend. “May ourmental functions always take shelter of Kåñëa’s lotus feet,may ourwordsalwayschantHisnames,andmayourbodiesalwaysbowdowntoHimandserveHim.”Theywanttoengagealltheirsensesinthisway,whilesimultaneouslytheiremotionsallflowinthisway.Intheirprayerforratiandmati they’realsoshoweringaffectionuponUddhava.That isthewayofbhakti.TheemotionsflownotonlyfortheLord,butalsoforHisdevotees.

Please remember this emotionally intense scene as Uddhava departs Våndävana; see theVrajaväséswithtearsintheireyes.They’representinggiftstoUddhavaashe’sleaving...

TheQuestion:CanYouTrainYourEmotions

HowtoFeel?

We’re continuing with our discussion of bhakti-bhäva—the emotions involved in performingdevotional service. Inprecedingdays, I thinkwehavealreadyestablished thatemotionsareveryimportant in bhakti.Moreover, I hope you all understand that bhakti-yoga is not just theoreticalreligious belief. Remember our daily exercise? I hope you’re finding it increasingly unsatisfying.Readyfortoday’scalisthenics?DoIhavetoremindyouwhattosay?One,two,three:“IbelieveinKåñëa.” [SMILING, THE AUDIENCE REPEATS, WITH MUCH LESS ENTHUSIASM THAN PREVIOUS DAYS.] Right, there’s not muchecstasy in this mindset, and that lack is not your fault. Kåñëa consciousness, far beyond merereligious belief, involves investing all the aspects of yourself in loving devotional service to theLord.

PreviouslywehavealsodiscussedthattogothedistanceinKåñëaconsciousness,weneedtoseea future in bhakti for our emotional expression and fulfillment. What else can we review frompreviousdaystorefreshyourmemory?Wetalkedaboutkåñëa-premaanditsuniqueeffect—givingeveryone the feeling of servitorship to Lord Kåñëa.Däsya-bhävameans the emotions of being aservant.Whetheryouare intheroleofKåñëa’ssuperiororHisequal,stillyouhavethefeelingofservice to Lord Kåñëa. We discussed Nanda Mahäräja yesterday. Remember his words as theresidents of Våndävana bade farewell to Uddhava? A prayer revealing the fullness of a Kåñëaconsciousemotional lifestyle: “Mayourmindsalways focusonKåñëa’s lotus feet,mayourwordsalwaysdescribeHisglories,mayourbodiesalwaysbowdown,andwhereverwemaywanderbytheorderofsupremeauthority,maywealwaysrememberLordKåñëa.”Thisisthehighestexpressionofenlightenment—theemotionalyearningofafull-fledgeddevotee.

Allowmetoexplainan important thing toyouall.WhenyoureadÇrélaPrabhupäda’sbooks,youshouldabsorbyourheartintothepages—soakupthewordssothattheaspirationsinthebook

become your heart’s aspirations. I’ll give you a technique for how to read Kåñëa, the SupremePersonality ofGodhead. Besides reading it to informyourself, read it for feeling.Throughout thatbook,PrabhupädagivesyousomanyhintshowtobeemotionalinKåñëaconsciousness.Inthiswayyourheartwillbesatisfied.Wehavetorelearnhowtofeelinbhaktibecause,aftercountlessbirthsinthematerialworld,we’veforgottenouroriginalemotionalexpression.

Previously,wediscussedhowtheemotionsofrelieffrommaterialexistenceareactuallyquiteweak compared to themainstay positive emotions of bhakti-yoga.The peripheral relief-emotionswillnottakeusfarinKåñëaconsciousness;wemustdeveloppositiveemotionalinvestmentinourdevotional service. I think this subject shouldbemightilymotivating for youbecause it is aboutyourfuture.UnlessyouknowhowtofeelinKåñëaconsciousness,you’llrelapseintofeelingsofthematerial world. How many of you desire that again? No way! We don’t want that because weremembermaterialemotionsmeanadry,crackedheart.

Perhapssomeofyou,freshoutofmaterialexistence,canvividlyrememberthestalefeelingofanaridheart.Howdoyou,inmateriallife,trytosatisfyaparchedheart?Youletpourtheso-callednourishingwatersofillicitsexandintoxication.“Ohmyheartissowitheredanddepleted.Itneedsa boost, so I’ll turn on the twin-jets of Kali-yuga—let me have a passionate affair, soggy withintoxication.Thatmadindulgencewillrehydrateme.”Youcansee,especiallyonweekends,peoplegowild trying to irrigate theirpainfullydriedheart.Whether inmaterial lifeor spiritual life,wehave to dealwith these heart issues. Inmaterial life the so-called solution to your roasted heartproblem is Kali-yuga devilish delight, and in Kåñëa consciousness the solution is bhaktiyoga—investingyourheart-energiesindevotionalservice.

I’mgoingtoexplainoneconfidentialthingaboutmäyä.Wouldyouliketoknowthissecret?It’sthatyou’renotsomuchattractedtotheactivitiesofmäyäinandofthemselves.Merelytheactivitiesof illicit sex or intoxication are not what entice you; what you are actually thinking is, “Theseactivitieswillrelievemydryheartandwillabsorbme.”Aflourishing,vibrantheartiswhatyou’relookingforsoyoucanleavetheworldanditsanxietiesbehind.Ifyoucanunderstandthissecret,you’ll spare yourself heaps of trouble.Whenever you find aKali-yuga activity is tugging at you,remember:“It’snotsomuchthatparticularactivityIwant;rather, it’s thesolution.I imaginethatdoingthisKali-yugathingwill fix theproblemofadry,boredheart,andgrantmesuchdynamicabsorptionthatI’llforgetmyexistentialcrises.”AVaiñëavadevoteeoftheLord,however,knowsthesuccessful art and science of solving the dry heart and experiencing the dynamics of genuineabsorption. Yes, it’s very difficult to see through the cloud ofmäya, but I beg you, if you canunderstand thisone insight,you’ll saveyourselfmountainsof illusion,anguish,andregret.Whatpainsusisthematerialheart—soparched,thatitcracks—andthelackofapowerfulexperiencethatcanconsumeusandtakeusbeyondourselves.Hence,conditionedsoulsplunge into intoxicationandlustyliaisons.

WhenyoufirstapproachedKåñëaconsciousness,yourheartachedsothoroughlyfrommaterialactivities that you screamedout for relief. Letusdo a testhere inRussia thatwedid inOdessa.MaterialnatureinRussiaandUkraineissimilar,buttherearesomedifferences.Solet’sdothetesthere,andseewhathappens.Youcanassistmeinthislaboratoryresearch.YouknowwhatKåñëasaysinBhagavad-gétä,[7.16]:

catur-vidhäbhajantemäàjanäùsukåtino‘rjunaärtojijïäsurarthärthéjïänécabharatarñabha

“Four typesofpiouspersonsapproachMe.They’re all sukåti(all have auspiciousmerit) becausethey’reallapproachingMe.Therearethedistressed,thecurious,thoselookingforabettereconomicsituation,andthoselookingforknowledge.”Nowletmeaskyou,whenyoufirstapproachedbhakti,whichcategorydidyoumainlycomefrom?Iknowtheremayhavebeenseveralreasons,butpleasechoosethepredominantone.Thinkofthefourtypes:

•Distressed—friedaboutmateriallife,materiallyexhausted

•Curious—inquisitiveaboutpsychicthings,mysticism,theparanormal

•Pragmatic—lookingforamoreprosperousandeasymaterialsituationinthisworld

•Wise—seekingpureknowledge,thehighestdivinephilosophy

Okay,pleaseraiseyourhandsasIcallouteachofthesefourmotivations.[MOREHANDSRISEFORTHE

DISTRESSEDCATEGORYTHANFORTHEOTHERTHREE.]Yes,distresshaswon.I’vedonethistestallovertheworld,andoftenit’slikethat.True,inUkrainethedistress-motivationnumberswerehighest;still,wecanseethatcomingtoKåñëaconsciousnessoutofdistressisoftenthemaindynamic.

Insomepartsoftheworld,likeIndia,therearepragmaticmotives:“Takingupbhaktiwillmakemylifemorecomfortableandprosperous.”HereinRussia,however,amongyouonethousand,notonechosethat,andinUkraine,outoffivethousand,onlytworaisedtheirhandforit.ButasIdidinUkraine, allowme to remind you of something. Howmany ladies come to Kåñëa consciousnesslooking for a good husband? [MANY SMILE.]Hmmmm—forgot about that one, didn’t you? You can’tblameanyoneforthat.Naturally,anyintelligentladywantsanhonorable,competenthusband:arealmanwhowillactaccordingtodharma,rather thanto thewhimsofmäyä.WhymarrysomeKali-yugawretch,aslaveofthesenses?So,nowisthepragmaticmotivationbecomingclearer?Andthemajority ofmen—although rarely admitting it, of course—think, “I’ll get a nice, spiritual, good-lookingwifewhowillwaitonmehandandfootwithcompletesub-mission.”Right?[MOSTMEN INTHE

AUDIENCELAUGHINAGREEMENT.]Justsee,nowthey’reconfessing.“I’lljustsnapmyfingers,andshe’llcomerunning,singing, ‘Jaya!Allglories toyou,prabhu.” Isn’t that thedream?So, thesearemotivesofseekingabettersituation.Bytheway,anyoneherethoughtthere’llbebettermaterialprosperityinthebrahmacäréäçrama?[NOONENODSORRAISESTHEIRHAND.]ThiscanhappeninsomepartsofIndia.

Inanycase,whateverourmotiveforcomingtoKåñëa,wehavetomoveon,aswe’vediscussed,todynamicheartinvestmentindevotionalservice.Theenergyderivedfromnegativereasonsisnotstrongenoughtosustainyourdevotionalcreeper.Asanewdevotee,oftenyou’dsay,“Materiallifeishellish. I was fried, burned to a crisp.” Then, a few years go by and you forget howmateriallyexhaustedyouwere.UnlessyouhavepositiveattractionforKåñëa,you’renotgoingtolastinKåñëaconsciousness.Veryfewpersonscangooninbhaktijustbecauseofnegativereasons.Atsomepointwe need to develop the crucial positive attraction for the holy name and Kåñëa’s glories. Bettersooner than later, we’ll need to take shelter deeply in devotional service and develop ourpersonalitiesinthatway.FeelyourselfasadevoteeoftheLord.Ourthemeforthisyear’sseriesishowyou candevelop yourpersonality inKåñëa consciousness. Personality is such an interestingsubject, andLordKåñëamakespersonality themost attractive subjectbecauseHe is theSupremePersonalityofGodhead.

Now let’s discuss someof the realities of practical devotional service, thenwe’ll head to thepasturesofVåndävana.Therewe’ll try to catchupwithKåñëa and the cowherdboys.To stir ourdiscussionofthepracticalworldofbhakti,HisHolinessÇacénandanaMahäräjakindlywrotedown

forusaquestionaskedonbehalfofsomeoneelse.WhenhewastouringtheUSA,hemetadevoteewhohadthispoignantinquiry.Basicallythequestionis:“Canyoutrainyouremotionstofeelinacertainway?Canyoucommandyourdesireswhattohankerfor?Canyouhopethattheresultofthistrainingwillbesuccessful,orisouronlysolutionjusttimeandmaturity,aswewaittogrowolderindevotionalservice?”OnedevoteeMahäräjamet,consideredaseniorVaiñëava,confidedtohimtheemotional condition of his heart. This older devotee felt acute pain because some devoteeswerewrongly accusinghimof something.Never happens among the thousands of devotees inRussia,right? [THE AUDIENCE LOOKS AT THE FLOOR.]Mahäräja tried tohelphim: “This isKåñëa’smercyuponyou.Also, this situation could be remnants of past karma.Kåñëa has arranged the situation for yourpurification.”Thehonestdevoteereplied,“Yes,yes,Imyselfteachthesesametruthstootherseveryday.Ipreachallthistomyselftoo,butitdoesn’twork—Istillfeeltheagony!”

Thereforethequestion:Canyouactuallytrainyouremotionswhatandhowtofeel?Howcanwetransformourdeepestemotionsintosomethingusefulandwonderfulforbhakti?Interesting,yes?“Iknowwhat the çästrasays, but still I can’t stop feeling a certainway.”Actually,Dhåtaräñöra saidsomethinglikethisbeforetheKurukñetraWar:“IknowKåñëaisGod.IknowHe’srightandmyson,Duryodhana, is wrong, but I cannot controlmyself. I’m too attached tomy son, I can’t stopmyemotions—thereforewar.”Sometimesyouhavebeen insituations like this?Despiteyourtrainingand studying since your beginning in bhakti, these situations still come up. “I know the Kåñëaconsciousphilosophy;nevertheless,I’mfeelingthewayIam.”Consequently,wewonderhowcanwedictatetoouremotionalselfwhattofeel?Often,wethinkthatouremotionshavetobejustwhattheyareas theyarise.Resignedly,weconclude thatchangewillcomeonlywhenweagemore inbhakti.Inotherwords,theonlyrealhopeistime.

Iremember,oncewhenIwasayoungdevotee(actually,Istillfeellikeayoungdevotee,butatthattimeIwasafouryeardevotee),oneofmyfellowyoungGodbrothersfrommyhomecitygotintosomedifficulty.Amelodious,infectiouskértanaleader—hewasattractive.Onedayhelefthissilkchädarinthetemple,andwhenhereturned,itwasgone.Thenextdayhesearchedagain,andthereit was, nicely washed, ironed, and folded. Suddenly, pent-up feelings of brahmacäré lonelinesswashed over his heart. Curious for possible companionship on his bhakti path, he sought theidentityof themysteriousphilanthropist.Whether thatwasagood ideaoramistakedepends,ofcourse,onyourperspective.Probablyatleasthalfofthethousandormoredevoteesherewouldsay,“Yes,lookintoit—discoverwhowantstocareforyou.”Thebrahmacäréshere,though,knowverywell,“Pass itby—don’t look intothemouthof thisgifthorse.” IndeedIremembertellinghimtoforgetit,buthisheadwasalreadyspinning.Sohefoundouthisbenefactor,andthedoortorampantemotions,hopes,andanotherlifestyleinKåñëaconsciousnessswungwideopen.

Afterashortacquaintance,theladyandhewantedtomarryalthougheveryoneadvisedagainstitbecauseshewas tenyearsolder,andasoneof the first ISKCONdevotees,wasmuchsenior instature. Though so many devotees explained that sustaining such a relationship over the yearswouldprove quite difficult,mydear friendwouldn’t listen—hemarriedherwithout delay.Twoyears later, a lively, young, new devotee girl caught his fancy. Shocked, all his Vaiñëava well-wisherswracked theirbrainswhat todo.Ahouseholderdevoteewhoservedwithhimdecided totalktothegirlbecause—new,vivacious,anduntrained—shewassurchargingthewholesituation.Respectinghertalents,thebrahmacäréshadbestoweduponherthenicknameE.J.That’sshortfor,“easy journey to the hellish planets.” [LAUGHTER.]Please understand I’mnot saying thatwas a nicethingtodoorthatallthefaultwashers—I’mjustrelayingtoyouhowthingswenton,thirtyand

moreyearsago.Okay?Theseniorhouseholderwaspreachingtoher,“Youcan’tdothis,youcan’ttakethismarriedman.You’recomingundertheinfluenceofthelowermodesofnature.”Andsheresponded,“Thisishowmyheartfeels.Youcan’tdictatetoyourfeelings.ThatdevoteeandIhavegot a thinggoingon, and it’ll justhave towork itswayout.”And then, she said something thatreally struckme: “I knowwhat’s happening is notKåñëa conscious now—but it could be in thefuture.”Inotherwords,she’ssaying,“Myheart,myfeelingsareinvestedinthissituation.Justletthings happen—we’ll have to see.Maybe in the future our situationwill become better inKåñëaconsciousness,maybenot.We’llworkallthatoutlater.”Whatdoyouthink?Difficult,yes?Canyoutellyourfeelingswhattodo?

Caitanya-caritämåta [Madhya22.31] explains that there are always two things side by side:Kåñëaandmäyä.

kåñëa—sürya-sama;mäyähayaandhakärayähäìkåñëa,tähäìnähimäyäraadhikära

Kåñëaislikethesun,mäyäislikethedarkness.ÇrélaPrabhupädaexplainsthatwhenyousayKåñëaispresent,youmeandevotional service ispresent; andwhenyousaymäyä ispresent, youmeansensegratificationispresent.Always,inthematerialworld,thesetwothingswillbealongsideoneanother: Kåñëa as devotional service, and mäyä as sense gratification. While dwelling in thistemporaryworld,pleasebecomeaccustomedtoseeingexistenceinthisway.Don’tbesentimental,thinking,“NowI’vetakeninitiation,soIshouldsee‘purelyKåñëa’.”Bythat,ImeantheneophytesuppositionthatseeingKåñëameansyou’llsortofseeaKåñëadisconnectedfromallHisenergies,associates,andsoforth.No.AsyoumakeyourwaythroughthisworldonthepathbacktoGodhead,youwillseeallthetimethetwoopportunities,andateverymomentyouaresusceptibletobecomingsubjugatedbyeitherone.Pleaseobservelifeinthisway—it’llsaveyoualotoftrouble.

At everymoment Kåñëa’s service is calling you to subjugate yourself under Kåñëa’s internalpotency,bhakti;andmäyäisbeckoningyoutosubjugateyourselfunderHisillusoryenergy,sensegratification.Becausewearemarginalpotency,thisrealitywillbethere.Don’tbetormentedbythisreality,butlearntothriveonit.Forexample,thebeachismarginal—sometimestheseawatercoversit,sometimesnot.Thisisthewaylifeis;simplyyouunderstandthatbothenergiesarecomingfromKåñëa, and you choose Kåñëa. Opting for Kåñëa means selecting devotional service. “Kåñëa iscomparedtosunshine,andmäyäiscomparedtodarkness.Whereverthereissunshine,therecannotbedarkness.AssoonasonetakestoKåñëaconsciousness,thedarknessofillusion(theinfluenceoftheexternalenergy)willimmediatelyvanish.”[Caitanya-caritämåta,Madhya22.31]Don’tpullyourhair and teeth, moaning, “Why, why all the time this choice? I feel like I’m splitting into twopersons. Always there’s the opportunity for devotional service, always the opportunity for sensegratification. Isn’t this torture?” No, it’s an opportunity to exercise your tiny independence foralways choosingKåñëa,Hisdevotional service. If you lookat the existentialphenomenon in thatway,you’llbespirituallyenthusiastic—you’llthriveonchoice.

TheFirstCantoBhägavatam[7.4]describesthemeditationofÇrélaVyäsadevaathiscottageonthewesternbankoftheSarasvatéRiver:“Thushefixedhismind,perfectlyengagingitbylinkingitindevotionalservice(bhakti-yoga)withoutanytingeofmaterialism,andthushesawtheAbsolutePersonalityofGodheadalongwithHisexternalenergy,whichwasunderfullcontrol.”Whataboutourmeditation?Suddenlymäyäprojectssomethingonthescreenofyourmind:“Takealookatthis!Doyou remember that?”Youhave toknowhow to fight back.As the years goby inbhakti, this

struggleofloveinpracticestartstobecomespontaneouspleasurebecause,afterall,youareKåñëa’sservant eternally.Therefore,whenmäyä throws something in yourmind—“Look at this!”—then,youpushrightback.How?By immediatelyengagingyoursenses inKåñëa’sservice.Thinkof theexample of little schoolboys.One little boy at school pushes another, and then the other shovesback, yes? So you deal withmäyä in this way. Mäyä pushes you: “Remember this juicy bit ofillusion? Remember when you indulged?” And then you shove back: “I’m going to engage indevotionalservice.”Itbecomesfun.It’snotaperpetual,miserablelabor.

Assoonasyouthinkthebhaktiprocessmeansyou’reseeminglyresigningyourselftoanendlessdespondentstruggle, thenpleasenote thatyou’vesurrenderedtomäyä’spropaganda—prime timeontheIBN(IllusoryBroadcastingNetwork).What’sthemessagethere?“Howlongcanyougoonstrugglingsohard,denyingyourself thebasicKali-yuganecessitiesdayafterday, fightingsuchabattle? Be humble and admit you can’t do it. Just give up—NOW! Save yourself the trouble ofdelay.”Don’tsuccumbtothatrubbish.ChoosingKåñëaisarealdelight.WhenMäyäflashesinyourmind some passionate scene—“Alright prabhujé, contemplate this!”—you respond, “Well I’mgrabbingKåñëabook.I’mgoingtoreadawholechapter—haha.I’vegotmyjapabeads.IthinkI’lljustchantafewextrarounds.Afterthat,I’llpopsomeniceprasädainmymouth.”MypointisthatyouhavetoknowhowtouseyoursensestokeepyourselfoutoftroubleandattachedtoKåñëa.“Ithink I’ll go to the temple and jump inkértana.”This ishappily fightingback. Itworks. It’snotmiserable,it’srecreation.Mäyäpushesyouoneway,youpushbackanother:“IamKåñëa’sservant;whereistheservice?”

Let’sfollowinthefootstepsofAdvaitaÄcärya.Heteachesushowtofeelbhakti-bhäva: inHismindHe always thinks, “I amLordCaitanya’s servant”;withHiswordsHedeclares, “I amLordCaitanya’sservant”;withHisbodyHeworshipstheLordbyofferingtulaséleavesandGangeswater;everywhereHealwayspreachesthescienceofdevotionalservice.Sodon’tbeintimidatedbyMäyä:“You’ll never escapemy clutches— it’s impossible. Give up now. Isn’t your sädhana struggle sodraining?”No,thisisadivineresistance-effort,toreviveyourlove.What’swrongwithastruggleforsupremelove?

Supposesomeonesaystoyou,“I’mstrugglingsohardtopleaseyou.I’mtryingmightilytodoeverythingforyourpleasure,nomattertheinconvenience.”Howwouldyoufeel?“Mmmm;indeed,this is what life should be about. Excellent, well done—you have very good taste. I approvecompletely.”Youwouldloveitifsomeonesaidthattoyou.“I’mtakingonsomanyburdensbecauseofyou.Somedaysit’ssodifficult,butstillIgoon—justbecauseofyou.”Haveanyofyouevertoldanyonethat?[SOMEGUARDEDLYSMILE.]IthoughtI’dcatchyoubysurprisewiththatresearchquestion.Mypoint is that, therefore,what’swrongwith persevering forKåñëa, sacrificing forHis senses?AndKåñëaisthemostexpertatreciprocation.

Thedefiningchoice—devotionalserviceorsensegratification—isnotadryheartlessbattle.AstheSupersoul in theheart,Kåñëa isonyourside,andas thespiritualmaster,He is therehelpingfromwithout. “OmyLord!Transcendental poets and experts in spiritual science couldnot fullyexpresstheirindebtednesstoYou,eveniftheywereendowedwiththeprolongedlifetimeofBrahmä,forYouappearintwofeatures—externallyastheäcäryaandinternallyastheSupersoul—todelivertheembodiedlivingbeingbydirectinghimhowtocometoYou.”[Caitanya-caritämåta,Ädi1.48]The speaker of this verse, Uddhava, emphasizes for us the immeasurable assertiveness of theSupremeWhole, ÇréKåñëa, inHis efforts to recoverHis illusioned parts. Brahmä’s lifespan is an

unimaginable311 trillionyears,yet that timewouldnot suffice forouradequatelypresenting theaccounts—howmuchweareindebtedtoKåñëaforHisconstantcampaigntoreclaimus.Kåñëaisnotlazyinourhearts;Heissupremelyproactivewithin.Andfromwithout,HesendsHisdevoteeguidesto appeal to us and mentor us. Often these devoteeguides have a thankless task—equivalent tosomeone’s trying to flagdowna luxury train,which is speedingunknowingly towardacollapsedbridge.Itspassengersthink,“What’sthatguyoutsidewavingsofranticallyabout?Ishetryingtogetourwonder-traintoslowdownandstop?Ifheonlyknewhowwe’repartyinginhere.”

OnthewaybacktoKåñëa,sometimeswhenyou’rechantingHareKåñëaandtryingtoheartheholy name, bad memories flash into your mind. Do you ever wonder why that happens? ÇrélaPrabhupädagaveanextraordinaryexplanation:hesaidit’stheSupersoulgivingyouachoice.TheSupersoulisremindingyou,“Youdidthesethingsinthepast.Isthatwhatyouwantnow,ordoyouwantMe?Doyouwant tohear theholyname,ordoyouwant thesedegradationsyoudid in thepast?” Indeed, Kåñëa likes to build your choice power. That’s part of love. Because Kåñëa is thesupremelover,HehasinstockthebestmethodsforgettingyoutochooseHimagainandagain.

I hope you will process this point. It’s different, I know—it’s a completely different way oflookingatthings.ThisishowKåñëapushesonHislovecampaignastheSupersoulinyourheart.Therefore,whenyoufeelsomenegativeemotionandyou’rewondering,“CanItellmyfeelingstorightthemselves,tosortthemselvesout?”pleaseknowthattheSupersoulintheheartiswaitingforyou tomake the right choice.Yes!Youdon’thave towait for thewheelof time towork its slowchanges. Byour endeavors tomake the right choice repeatedly—building and flexingour choicemuscles—theSupersoul,observingfromwithinourheart,becomespleasedandswingsintoaction.WhatdoesKåñëasayinBhagavad-gétä[10.11]?

teñämevänukampärthamahamajïäna-jaàtamaùnäçayämyätma-bhäva-sthojïäna-dépenabhäsvatä

“To show compassion upon the devotees constantly and sincerely engaged in bhakti,what willhappenisthat,fromwithintheheart,Iwillswitchonthelampofpureknowledgeanddispelthedarknessduetomaterialignorance.”Justseethepricelessgemswaitingforus.

Whysubtly,orbackhandedlyaccuseKåñëaofbeingcruelandinsensitive?DoesHethink,“NowI’vegivenyou,thepoorillusionedwretches,theexaltedyetimpossibleprocessofbhakti-yoga.Asmothsflyintoafire,somanyaspirantsseekitsbrillianceandfail.Howpathetic!”YouthinkKåñëaislike that, a sadist? “Just see how I torture these devotees by giving them a most beautiful yetimpossibleprocessofbhakti.”IknowsomeofyouquietlythinkKåñëacouldbelikethat. [AUDIENCE

SMILESKNOWINGLY.]Althoughwemayfearthatit’simpossibletotrainandredirectouremotions,Kåñëasays,“CompassionmotivatesMewithinyourhearttomakeincrementaltransformationsforyou,Mysincere,steadfastdevotee.”Bhakti-yogameanstheprocessofconstantlymakingtherightchoicetopleasetheLordintheheart,andthentheLordintheheartmakesthetransformations.Thatisthesecret.

YouhearfromPrabhupäda’sbooks,youhearfromtheadvanceddevotees,andthenfromwithinyourheartarisesadesire:“Iwanttobelikethat.”Kåñëaiswatchingforthatsprout.Spirituallyit’snotasmallthing;thatflowerbudofbhakti-desirehasimmenseramifications.Often,theexcitementbeginsinthisway:youseeahappydevotee,andthenfromwithinyourheartappearsanaspiration—“OhIwishIcouldbelikethat,”yourspiritualheartsighs.Yes?Everydevoteeexperiencesthisperiodically,Iknow.Butyourmistakeisthinkingitasmallthing.No,thatsubtleshiftwithinthe

heartisactuallyamonumentalevent.Kåñëaisinyourheartjustwatchingandwaitingforthatmagicmomentwhenyourheartlongs,“Oh,IwishIcouldfeellikethat,tobelikethat.”Sensingthesubtlefragranceofthatflowerbudofaspiritualdesire,thenKåñëastartstowork.

You canmake the process of transformation unfold easier by keeping yourself in enliveningassociation. Favorable associationmeans company that stirs your heart with sublime aspirations.That’swhysädhu-saìga(thecamaraderieofsaintlydevotees)issoimportant.Youwanttobearounddevotees that alwaysmake your heart resound with fuller and richer aspirations. These sublimebuddingambitionsinyourheartare,sotospeak,thefeaststheSupersoullovestodineon.Welcometobhaktimysticism.

Now,beforewegotothepasturesofVraja,Ihavetowarnyouofonething:sometimesyou’regoing to feel despair. That is, “I tried praying to Kåñëa to develop proper attitudes, the rightemotional feelings, but stillmy heart harbors unfavorable, negative feelings: “Oh, it’s hopeless.”Don’tbemisledbythesefeelingsofhelplessnessandworthlessness.“Itried,anditdidn’twork.Ididn’tchangeovernight,I’mstillnonsense.”No,no,no.Thesuccesswillbeyoursifyousticktotheprocess,strivingingoodassociationbyrightmeans.

Whoisthegreatestspirituallamenter?NarottamadäsaÖhäkur.Manuñya-janamapäiyä,rädhä-kåñëanäbhajiyä:“I’vewastedmywholelife.IdidnotworshipRädhäandKåñëa.Iwillfullydrankpoison.”Thisisoneofthegreatestäcäryas;he,andalsoBhaktivinodaÖhäkur,wrotesongslikethis.Once, when Lord Caitanya was leading kértana,He became visibly ecstatic—pointing off in thedistance, exclaiming, “Narottama will appear there.” Amidst His kértana, He would cry out,“Narottama!Narottama!”tothedirectionofthefuturebirthplaceofNarottamadäsaÖhäkur.Thisishowsuper-excellenthewas,aresidentofthespiritualworld;yetNarrottamadasÖhäkurisanexpertinsongsoflamentation.ButthelamentingofsuchadevoteeispureandbringsaboutthepresenceofKåñëa. Gradually, as the Supersoulwithin andwithout inspires yourmaturity in devotional life,you’ll observe the lamentations of a neophyte transforming into the precursors of pure, spiritualfeelings.KaviräjaGoswäméexplainsinCaitanya-caritämåtathatthenatureoffullybloomedecstaticloveforKåñëaisthatitspossessorsalwaysfeeltheyhavenoloveforKåñëa.Themoreyouadvancein devotional service, themore you’ll feel that there’s somuchmore progress tomake inbhakti:“Kåñëaisstillnotinmygrasp.”

In the less advanced stages of bhakti,we should not allow neophyte equivalents of spirituallamentationtodeactivateanddemotivateus.Instead,elevateandpurifytheselamentativestatesbydeployingthemasimpetustoincreasedevotionalservice.That’sthedifferencebetweenmaterialandspiritual lamentation. Material lamentation produces a decrease in Kåñëa’s service, and spirituallamentationleadstoanincreaseinHisservice.OnceadevoteereachesthestageofsteadyloveofKåñëa, all expressions of unhappiness,Nectar of Devotion explains, are anubhäva (symptoms ofecstaticlove).

Bhakti-bhäva(theemotionalstateofarealdevotee)ispresenteverywhere,inboththematerialandspiritualworlds.Aswediscussedinpreviousdays,boldinsightsintothehighestspiritualtruthsrequire strong evidence (pramäëa). In Caitanya-caritämåta, Kaviräja Goswämé always gives it;moreover, hispramäëas are always saturatedwith ecstatic prema.He takes us to the pastures ofVåndävana, where Kåñëa’s cowherd boyfriends think they’re all equal to Him. They have noaiçvarya-jïäna,noknowledge of theLord’s opulences. In their pure fraternal affection forKåñëa,sometimestheyfightwithKåñëa,andsometimestheyclimbonHisshoulders;still,theyhavedäsya-

bhäva—thefeelingsofbeingKåñëa’sservants.Indeed,theyworshipthelotusfeetofKåñëawiththatspiritofservice.

Think about Kåñëa’s departing for the forest with His friends and cows. At His house,YaçodämayédressesHimasthecowherdboyswaitoutside.Invitingthem—“Comein,comein”—sheenliststhecowherdboystohelpherdressKåñëa.Assomeofthemdoso,KåñëaaffectionatelyhitsthemontheheadwithHisflute.MotherYaçodäimplores,“Kåñëa,youshouldn’tdolikethis.”Then,KåñëaandHiscowherdboyentourageblissfullysetoutfortheforest.

HowdoesKåñëaseetheforest?Unlikeconditionedsouls,KåñëacertainlyknowshowtoenjoyHissenses.First,Heseesthebeautyoftheforest—thetrees,theland,andGovardhanaHillwiththeYamunä River flowing at its base. His eyes become enlivened, althoughHe’s always unlimitedlyenlivened,andthenKåñëafeelswithHisall-spiritualskin.HowdoesHedothatwhenthere’snoselfinsideHimthat’sdifferentfromaskincoveringtheoutside?EverythingaboutHisformiseternity,knowledge, and pure bliss. Kåñëa’s body, senses, and process of sense perception are all whollyspiritual—thesameasHimineveryrespect.Kåñëa—thesamewithinandwithout—feelsthetactilesensations of the cool breezes blowing, laden with drops of moisture from the Yamunä River.AwardingapleasingexperiencetoHissenseoftouch,thesedropletsandthebreezethatbearsthemalsogiveasweettastetoKåñëa’stongue.Haveyoueverexperiencedtastingabreeze?IknowinNewZealandyoucantastethesea,theforests,andthepasturesinthebreezes.InVåndävana,however,Kåñëatastesperfect,infalliblebreezes,composedofthespiritualenergy.It’sanotherworld,ofwhichthisoneisonlyashadow.WhataboutHisears?ThroughthemcomethesoundsofthebirdsandthebeesoftheVåndävanaforest.WithinHisnoseentersthefragranceoflotusflowerspervadingtheair.Inthisway,theforestsuccessfullypleasesKåñëa.There’snomatter inVåndävana;everythingisadevotee.

Basedonthattranscendentalreality,KåñëadecidedtohavesomefunwithBalaräma:“Brother,justlookatthesetreesbowingdownbeforeYouladenwithfruit.BytheirtakingshelterofYoutheyseektofreethemselvesfromthefateofabodyinthemodeofignorance.”Certainly,thetreesarenotcondemned—onlygreatdevoteescanbeatreeoranythinginVåndävana;nevertheless,immersedinseparationfromKåñëa,thetreesarefeeling,“Oh,wehavesuchabadbody.Thuswe’resofarfromKåñëa.”Actually,thetreeswerebowingdowntoKåñëa,butHe,inasportingmood,presentedthattheywereworshipingBalaräma.

Moreover, Kåñëa said, “Look at the bees buzzing around You—they can’t leave You for amoment.TheymustbegreatdevoteeswhocannotexistwithoutYourassociation.Also,don’tYouseethe deer transfixed, staring at You?” In this way, Kåñëa pointed out how the whole forest wasabsorbed inattraction forBalarämaandwas thereforeperfect. “Balaräma,becauseYou’reglancinguponVåndävana and its residents, everything is auspicious.With Your feet, You’re touching theground of Våndävana, blessing it; with Your fingers, You’re touching the flowers and creepers,renderingthemauspicious;andwithYourtwolongarms,You’reembracingthegopés,makingthemthemostauspicious.”

Intheforest,whatarethecowherdboysgoingtodo?TheretheyliketowrestlewithKåñëaandplaygames.AsKaviräjaGoswäméexplains,theyevenclimbonKåñëa’sshoulderscelebratingvictoryinmockfighting.RüpaGoswäméexplainsthatonepopulartopicamongthecowherdboysis:“WhowillbetheonetodefeatKåñëa?”TheboysfeelhappyintheirassociationwithKåñëabecauseHe’ssobeautiful. They feel proud of their associationwithHim becauseHe’s so glorious. Knowing that

Kåñëawillalwaysbackthemup,they’realwaysreadytoinitiateanyriskyventure.Sometimes,whilesitting together, theyprodone another, “Let’s dowelfarework.What charitable activitywill youperform?”butsoonthetopicchangestodefeatingKåñëa,becausetheythinkthey’reequaltoKåñëa.Once,afterKåñëahaddefeatedademoninHistypicallysupremeandblissfulway,thecowherdboysbegantoreflectuponHisinconceivablefeat.“NowwehaveseenKåñëadosomethingamazingthatonly ademigod coulddo.Well boys, the conclusion is obvious—Kåñëa is a demigod.Butwe allknowwhatthatmeans:becausewe’rejustasgoodasKåñëa,we’realsodemigods!”ThisisfraternalloveofGod(sakhya-rasa).

Kåñëaknowsperfectlyhowtoreciprocatewiththesefriends.Anothertime,justtocreateastiramongthem,HedressedHimselfasÇrématéRädhäräëé.BesidesHiswearingasariandearrings,HehadalsosmearedappropriatecosmeticsalloverHisbodytomakeHisdarkbluecomplexionmorefair. He then approached His cowherd boyfriends, just to create a stir. Although Kåñëa and thecowherdboysrelatetooneanotherinthisfamiliarway,stillKaviräjaGoswämésaystheboyshavethe feeling of servitude to Kåñëa. Supporting his statement, he quotes from the Bhägavatam[10.15.17]:“Someof the friendsofÇréKåñëa, theSupremePersonalityofGodhead,massagedHisfeet, and others, whose sinful reactions had been destroyed, fanned Him with hand-held fans.”KaviräjaGoswäméisrevealingtousthesecretsofthepastures.“Observeclosely,”healertsus.“Theservitudeisthereeventhoughtheboysarefraternal,actingonanequallevelwithKåñëa.”

What is the scene? While sporting in the forest, Balaräma has become tired. How can theinexhaustibleSupremePersonalityofGodheadeverbecomefatigued?Torelishlélä,specificallythepastime pleasure of expending energy and then successfully resting, certainlyHe can adopt thisbehavior. As Balaräma laywithHis head on a cowherd boy’s lap, Kåñëa took the opportunity tomassageHis feet, fanHim,andbringHimriverwater todrink.Meanwhile, thecowherdboysaresinging,dancing,andplaying.WhenBalarämaarises fromHis rest,HeandKåñëa,hand-in-hand,watchthecowherdboysplay.Next,fatigueseemstooverwhelmKåñëa.ThecowherdboysrespondbypreparinganicebedforHim.AsHeliesdownonthesofttwigs,theboysmassageHisfeetandfanHimwithconsummateskill.Expertfanningmeanscreatingbeautifulbreezeswhileyoufan.

ShouldwethinkthatonlyafewcowherdboysreceivedthisfortuneofservingKåñëa?Afterall,there are unlimited cowherd boys and only one Supreme Absolute Godhead— how could everycowherdboyhaveachance?TheSupremeOne,Kåñëa,expandedHimselfintomanySupremeOnes.Surroundedbycowherdboys,Theyall layonbedsof soft twigs—just likewhen,during therasadance,Kåñëa expandedHimself to dance at the side of each gopé. In the forestpastimeswith thegopés,it’snotthatonlyRädhäräëé’spartyofgopéshasKåñëa.No,otherpartiesofgopéshaveHimtoo—amongthem,particularlyCandrävalé’sgroup.TheSupremeOneiswithRädhäräëé,butHecanalsoexpandHimselftobewithothergopés.KåñëaexpandsHimselfalsoinDvärakä,asNäradaMunidiscovereduponhisvisiting theLord’spalaces.Fearnot, in thespiritualworld there’sno lackofassociation with Kåñëa; there’s no scarcity of that ultimate resource. In all situations and allrelationships,Heknowsexactlywhattodo,exactlyhowtoloveunlimiteddevotees.

WhilethecowherdboysareservingKåñëabymassagingandfanningHim,suddenlyonehasabright idea.Çrédämä,chiefof theconfidentialcowherdboys,presentsanewprogram.SubalaandStoka–kåñëa also chime in, “Räma,Omighty-armed, andKåñëa,O slayer ofmiscreants,wehavesuch a great idea. In the Tälavana forest, beautiful palm fruits grow, and alsoDhenukäsura, thehorribleass-demon,roamstherewithhisass-cohorts.Kåñëa,it’snearby—don’tyousmellintheair

thesweetaromaofthefruits?AndwhataboutthatdemonDhenukäsura?He’samonstrousterrorist—hehas eatenmen alive.Thedangerhe andhis equally fierce friendshave createddeters evenbirdsfromflyingover.DearKåñëa,ifyoufindthisideaattractive,let’sgonow!”

Hadthecowherdboyssuccumbedtopersonalgreedandlustforsatisfyingtheirsenses?“Bringonthefruits,friend—we’rehungry.”No.InpureselflessloveofKåñëa,theyjustwantedtoseeHimenactmoreofHispastimes.Knowingtheirfriendcandoanything,they’rethinking,“LetKåñëahavemore fun. Here’s another way He can expand His pleasure—by His killing demoniac asses andtastingthefruits.”Maywealltrytocapturethisattitudeofselflessdevotionalservice.Eventhoughthesecowherdboyshavesuchfraternalintimacy,stilltheyfeelthemselvestobeservantsofKåñëa.

Tomorrow we’re going to address what can be a hidden, deep-set hang-up troubling thefoundation of our bhakti: “Can Kåñëa really satisfy my particular individuality? Can Kåñëareciprocatewithme—myuniqueself—adequately?”Exploringthisworry,we’llenterthewrestlingarena of KingKaàsa.While there, we’ll also see howMathurämeets Våndävana. And hopefullyyou’llwitnesshowKåñëacanhandleanykindofrelationshipatanytime.

ThePsychologyofInsecurity

andInsufficiency

Whatarethefeelingsofaservant,adevoteeofLordKåñëa?We’vebeendiscussinghoweveryonelikes to feel fromtheirheart,evenwhentheythinkwiththeirhead.Youwant to feelyourheart’senergiesexpandwithoutimpediment—nowalls,nofences.Butthat limitlessfreedomoftheheartcanhappenonlyinKåñëaconsciousness.

Let’strytoanalyzethewreckagethathappenedinyourmateriallife.AspartandparcelofKåñëayou have the propensity to love, but in material life, whenever you try to expand that lovingpropensityinyourheart,barriersintervene.Smack!Intoabrickwallyourun,ablazewiththedesiretoloveandbeloved.Rememberwhatthatfeltlike?Everytimeyousoughtlovewithoutlimitation,allyougotwascompaction,compression,andevendepression.Eitheryouranintothewall,orthewall ran into you.While youwere trying to express and exchange that love, somanywild andintricatecontaminationsdominatedtheagenda.Inmateriallifeourheartsgroaned,“Whycan’tIdoa simple thing of loving someonewithout somany problems?” Please be honestwith yourself—admitthatthisiswhatwenton.

Because we’re part of Kåñëa, we have this natural desire to exchange love. But, opting formaterialexistence,wepushedKåñëaasideanddecidedwe’regoingtobethebiglovers.Ourheartburningwiththismostpresumptuousambition,wehungertoconnectwithonepersonormoresoourmundaneheartcanknowatleastasemblanceofpeaceandsatisfaction.Doesn’tmäyämakethisquestlooksoeasy?“Yes,yes,loveeveryone.There’llbeloveforyou,loveforme,there’llbeloveforeveryone,eveninthedeepbluesea...”Ifyoulackyourveryownobjectoflove—man,woman,orchild—then mäyä pokes you, “What’s wrong? Just see, love buzzes all around like insects.Everybody’sgotthelovebug—exceptyou.”

Rememberwhenyouwereateenager?Especiallythen,youfeltsoinsecureandunsure—mostofthetimewondering,“Whataretheotherteensdoingnow?Howaretheyenjoying?AmIasgoodas

they are? Am I having all the fun they’re having?” Contact with thematerial energy artificiallyinfusesthemindwiththisuncertaintyinwhichconditionedsoulsofallagesthinkthatrealmaterialhappinessdoesexist,butsomeoneelseisgettingit.Suchapsychologyofmaterialinsecurityarisesfrominteractionwiththematerialenergy.It’sthatplainandsimple.Assoonasyouunderstandthatmaterialhappinessisillusory,andwhenyoualteryourinteractionwiththematerialenergythroughKåñëaconsciousness,thenyoustarttobecomepeaceful.

Before we push ahead to today’s main topic, I would like that you firmly understand theproblemsof theheart in termsof the frustratedurgeto love.WhatdoesLordCaitanyaexplain inCaitanya-caritämåta[Madhya22.107]?

nitya-siddha-kåñëa-prema‘sädhya’kabhunayaçravaëädi-çuddha-cittekarayeudaya

“PureloveforKåñëaiseternallyestablishedintheheartsofthelivingentities.Itisnotsomethingtobe gained from another source. When the heart is purified by hearing and chanting, this lovenaturallyawakens.”Material lifemeans the faultyexpressionofour loveurgeproperlymeant forKåñëa.Justlookaroundandobserveaworldfulloflove-starvedcreaturescrawlinghere,there,andeverywhere,tryingtocapturesomelove.DoyouhavewolvesinRussia?Seeyourselfasalove-wolfprowlingthroughtheforestofmaterialenjoymenthungryfor love.“Aaahhhh,I’mgonnasinkmyteethintosomegoodlovin’.”Inmaterialexistence,everyoneisonthehuntonewayoranother.Ofcourse,thestalkingisgenerallypackagedinafancyhumanwrapper,butbasicallyahuntisahunt.Theheartproblempushesyouintothechase.“AllIwant,allIneedisasimplething—toloveandbeloved.Whatcouldbesoproblematicaboutthat?Letthewholeworldlove,andeverythingwillbefine.”Sorry,butthematerialworldisnottheplacewheretheloveurgecanflowproperly;henceourglobofinsecuritiesacquiredfrommanybirths.

Even in intimate relationships, to somedegreeyou’reonguard, suspicious,doubtful: “Couldthis be real love, or is the person just toyingwithme?How longwill the bubble last? Anyway,maybeIshouldjustgoalongwiththeshow—enjoyitwhileIcan.”WhenIwasalittleboy(maybenineyearsold)IusedtophilosophicallymeditateonmyfavoritepopsongWillYouStillLoveMeTomorrow.Wonderingwhy teenagersandadultswouldput themselves throughsuchawringer, Isoughtinsight.

“Tonightyou’reminecompletelyYougiveyourlovesosweetlyTonightthelightofloveisinyoureyesButwillyoustilllovemetomorrow?”

Thisisavividportrayalofthechronicanxietyafflictingtheheartinmateriallife.Evenwhenyourhuntingexpeditionapparentlysucceeds,evenwhenyouscorealoveobjectofwhatevertype,still the psychology of insecurity and insufficiency lurks in the background, sooner or later toemergecenter-stage.

“TonightwithwordsunspokenYousaythatI’mtheonlyoneButwillmyheartbebrokenWhenthenightmeetsthemorningsun?I’dliketoknowthatyourlove

IsloveIcanbesureofSotellmenow,andIwon’taskagainWillyoustilllovemetomorrow?”

Ofcourse,youwillaskthesamequestionagain—becauseloveinsecurity,nomatterwhatkindofrelationship,isaninherentingredientofmaterialexistence.

Canyounowstarttorecognizethisunderlyinginsecurityinyourheart?Notonlyladieshaveit;believeitornot,mendotoo.Whatdevastatesmenattachedtowomeniswhenthey’veworkedsohard on a relationship—struggled to expose their buried emotions, invested so much time andmoney—only to be later tossed aside. Thewalkout can actually destroymenmore thanwomen.Althoughjiltedfemalesmaycryandmoanforsomemonths,oftenmenwho’vebeendumpedwanttocommitsuicide:“Ijustwanttoputaguntomyhead;I’mjustnotthemanIusedtobe—thatwomanhasdestroyedme.”Anyway,I’mnotheretorevealhiddensecretsofthemalepsyche.Mypointinpresentingthispoignantexample is forus to faceupto theproblemof love insecurity,nomatterwhattypeofhumanrelationship.Let’sownuptothatpredicamentandthenpinpointtherootcause:our gritty determination to express the love urge through themediumofmaterial illusion. Yes Iknow it’s bewildering, becausemäyämakes our emitting the love urge in material life look sonaturalandeasy:“I’mgoingtoloveyou,andyou’regoingtoloveme,andit’sallgoingtoflowlikeariverofhoney.”Eveninrelationshipsthatactuallylast“untildeathdouspart,”whenonepartnerdies,theresultingpainofseparationoftenextinguishesthesurvivor.

Çréla Prabhupäda majestically describes what we truly hanker for—the nectar of spiritualrelationships:“Theneedofthespiritsoulisthathewantstogetoutofthelimitedsphereofmaterialbondageandfulfillhisdesireforcompletefreedom.Hewantstogetoutofthecoveredwallsofthegreateruniverse.Hewants to see the free lightand thespirit.Thatcomplete freedomisachievedwhenhemeetsthecompletespirit,thePersonalityofGodhead.”[Çrémad-Bhägavatam1.2.8purport]

I’llconfesstoanotherfavoritesongwhenIwasyoung.Yousee,startingwhenIwasfiveorsixyearsold,Iusedtoquestionconstantly.Observinganadultcouple,Iwouldsincerelyinquire,“Whyareyoutogether?”Smilingatme, they’dchuckle,“You’ll findoutoneday.”Iwouldpersist,“Butwhywaittofindout?Whycan’tyoutellmenowwhyyou’retogether?”Usuallythentheywouldendtheconversation,“Oh,youasktoomanyquestionsforyourage.”So,thelittleboyhadnochoicebuttolistentohislittleradioandphilosophicallyspeculate.Onesongthatpreoccupiedmedescribedarelationship that was apparently cruising along on the highway of happiness while ignoring thehighwaysigns,“Danger—HeartbreakDeadAhead.”Thelead-singercroons:

“Whenyougivemorethanyouget,you’reindangerYoumayfindthatyou’reinlovewithastranger...It’svanity,insanitytoplaywhenyoucan’twinWhenyoufindthatyou’relosing,it’stimetogetonmovingBecausethere’sdanger:heartbreakdeadahead.”

Anyrelationshipborneofthemodesofmaterialnaturemoldsustoalwayscalculate,tabulate,gauge,andrecalculate,evensoslightly:“Whatdoesthebottomlinelooklike?Areyouputtingmoreinthanwhat’scomingback?”Pervertedbytri-guëa-mayé,thelovebuginthematerialworldgrosslyor subtlely bites in this way. Regardless of how refined the sentiments and emotions, our heartalwayshasaneyeonatleastsomereturn,somepayback.

“Whenthere’snothingmoretobegained,stopholdingoninvain—Startpackingupyourheart.”

You alwaysmonitor the familymember, friend, or beloved: “Are you reciprocating withmeproperly?”Thisismaterialanxiety.Then,whenwecometoKåñëaconsciousness,webringthesameinsecuritiesaboutlovetobhakti-yoga.Weponder,“WillKåñëareciprocatewithmesuitably?WillHetreatmeasIenvisionIshouldbetreated?”

Thestoryofmaterialexistenceisthatsomethinginsideyouyearnstoberecognizedforwhoandwhat you really are. Conditioned souls don’t knowwho they really are; nevertheless, somethinginsideaches:“KnowmeforwhatIreallyam,andthentreatmeexactlyaccordingtomyhopesanddreams.”Canyoufeelthatthrobbing,craving,inthedepthsofyourheart?Ourpracticingbhakti-yogademonstrateswewanttotransferthisrecognitionandreciprocationpsychologyfromthedesertof material frustration to the oasis we’ve heard is in Kåñëa consciousness. The songNityänandaNiñöha (“firmly establishedwith LordNityänanda”), byNarottama däsaÖhäkura, illuminates thegenuinewaytolife’sultimateattainment—RädhäandKåñëa’spastimes.

Nitäi-pada-kamala,koöi-candra-suçétala,jechäyäyjagatajurä

“The lotus feet of Lord Nityänanda are more soothing than millions of moons.” AlthoughNarottamadäsaÖhäkuraisaperfectsoul, inthissonghemercifullytakesourpredicamentashisown.

Narottamaboroduùkhé,nitäimorekorosukhé,räkhoräìgäcaraëerapäça:

“I’msomiserable fromseekingsatisfactioninmaterialaffairs; thereforeI’mprayingthatLordNityänandamakemehappybyHisshelteringmenearbyHisredlotusfeet.”

Youlongtoexperienceperfectreciprocation.That’swhywhenyou’rearoundadevoteewhohastheknackforhowtotreateveryoneappropriatelyyoufeelhappyandinspired.Indeed,observingsuch adevotee’s interactions is like studying a beautifulworkof art.You’ll notice thatwheneverbeautiful spiritual reciprocations abound,material anxiety in the atmosphere fades away.Bhakti-yogadispelstheloveinsecurity.

Devoteeswhohaven’ttrulydealtwiththemselvesinKåñëaconsciousnesscanemanatewavesofdistortionintheirdealingswithothers.OftentheytrytouseeventheminimalinstitutionalismandmanagementstructuresoftheKåñëaconsciousnesssocietytointertwinetheirinsecurities.LackingtheconfidencethatKåñëawillperfectlyreciprocatewiththem,iftheythenbecomeleaders,theycaninjureotherdevotees.Ratherthanourdealingwithourselves(ourlackofconfidenceinKåñëa)webecomecallousandmanipulativetowardothers:“Iamtheleader;youmustfollow,otherwiseyouarerejected.NowIhavetakencharge;forgetabouteverythingotherdevoteesmayhavesaid—nowyouhavetodealwithme.Youmaythinkyou’rewellversedinNectarof InstructionandNectarofDevotion, but until you heed my words, your spiritual advancement is null and void. I am theauthority!Maybeonedayyou’llbe inmyshoes,butrightnowit’sme—anddon’tyouforget it!”Sucha shadowof adevotee isn’tdealingwith the issueof confidence inKåñëa. Instead, suchaninsecuredevoteeenfoldsthatessentialconcernwithinallkindsofofficialdealings.Sometimestheproblem of devotional insecurity uses prowess in rituals as a facade. “I know all kinds of

complicated traditional ceremonies and esoteric mannerisms—you don’t. I know South Indianmudräs,NorthIndianpüjäs,Bengalibhajanas,andSanskritvandanas.Observehowmydhotéistiedaccordingtothearistocraticwaysofyore.”Thiscanbeanotherwayofhidingspiritualinstabilities.Attheirrootistheloveproblem.

You’llfindthatpersonswhohaveneverexperiencedcarefinddifficultyincaringforothers.Forexample,childrenwhogrowupwithoutcaringparentsfrequentlywillhavescantunderstandingofhow to be a proper parent for their own children. In this way, the wrong standard perpetuatesgenerationaftergeneration.Iremember,inNewZealand,hearinganineteenyear-oldnewcomertoKåñëaconsciousnesspresentherexpectationsofthenearfuture.Thisgirlhadgrownupwithoutafather.Sheexplainedtomeinamostmatter-of-factway,“ThoughI’monlynineteennow,verysoonI’llneedheapsofmoney.Yousee,ladiessoonerorlaterhavechildren,andsincethechildrenwillhavenofather,themotherhastoprovide.”Amazing.Shetookitforgrantedasabasicrealityoflifethatthenaturalroleofafatheristomakebabiesandthendisappear.Igentlyreplied,“Excuseme,butisn’titsothatthereshouldbehusband,wife,andchildren,alllivingtogetherasafamilyunit?”Sheactuallygapedatmewithastonishment.Enlightenmenthadstruck.“Oh,Ididn’trealizethat,”she sincerely murmured. Her honest misconception—born of today’s world—exemplifies howinsecurityandimbalance,insocietyandrelationships,passdownthroughtime.

Eveninthebestofmaterialcircumstances,completeandpermanentsatisfactioninrelationshipswill elude us; therefore, whenwe enter the spiritual laboratory of bhakti, at least some traces ofinsecuritymayunconsciouslyfollowus—increasingourdoubtsaboutKåñëaandHisreciprocation.Consequently,ratherthanoursquarelyfacingtheissuethatwehaven’tdevelopedsufficienttrustinKåñëa’s relationship-prowess, often we can hide behind external religious camouflage—that is,overboardritualismaswellasattachmenttopositions,titles.Wecandeftlywieldthosefacadessotonotletothersseethespiritualinsecuritiesinourheart.

It’struethatasweleavebehindthefalsematerialsecuritiesandembracetherealsecuritywithKåñëa,wemay feel likewe’re suspendedbetween twoworlds.Withone foot still on thematerialplatformandtheotheronthespiritual,wemaywobbleandtrembletovaryingdegreesinthebreezesof day-to-day life. The quicker you cross this canyon, the better. You’ll need some experiencedguidanceormentoringtotransitthisphase.

You can speedup theprocess of developing security inKåñëabypurposely and consciouslyforgingyouridentityasKåñëa’sservant.Contactwithspiritualsenseobjects,amidstthecamaraderieofdevotees,resuscitatesthespiritualemotionsofthespiritualpersonality.Hence,yourpersonalityasthedivineservantreassertsitself.Rememberyesterday’ssensoryvisualizationofKåñëa’senteringtheforestwiththecowherdboysandBalaräma?BecauseKåñëa’sdevoteealwaysconnectsthesenseswith spiritual sense objects through spiritual process, the wellspring of spiritual emotions flowsagain.Thisistruemysticism—don’tconsideranychancetointeractwiththebhaktisenseobjectsasordinary.

Rememberalsoourdiscussionabout staringat theDeities?Kåñëa is theonlypersonyoucanstareatwhowon’treactnervously.Iwantyoualltopracticethis:presentyourselfbeforetheDeitiesinthetempleandjuststare.Forgetworriesabouttimelimits.TheauthorizedprocessformeditatingontheformoftheLordistobeginatthefeet.Wealsoapproachasaintlypersonbyfirstlookingatthefeet.IvividlyrecallÇrélaPrabhupäda’svisitingmyofficeattheBBTinLosAngelesin1975.Igreeted him by fixing my vision at his lotus feet. Because I was working on preparing the

Bhägavatam for publication, I had just read about the correctway to approach theDeity and thespiritualmaster.Sowithmyeyes,IsoakedupPrabhupäda’sfeet.

Devotees accompanying Prabhupäda on his tour of the BBT offices began to describe toPrabhupäda some karmic things about my material past: “Prabhupäda, this boy graduated fromsuch-and-suchschool,themostfamousofuniversities.”IintensifiedmyfocusuponPrabhupäda’sfeet,silentlypraying,“Don’tlistentothemÇrélaPrabhupäda—I’mafoolwho’swastedhislife.I’mdesperatelyinneedofyourmercy.Youmustsaveme.”Regardlessofmyfalseego,Prabhupädawasinterested in everydetail thatmight be valuable for spreadingKåñëa consciousness.Much tomyshock,hebegantoaskthedevotees,“Oh,whichuniversitywasthat?”BythistimeIhadraisedmyeyesupfromhisfeettohisface.Thenhebegantolookaround.Icouldseehiseyesjustsaturatedwith love of Kåñëa.Whatwas he noticing? Prabhupäda, on themost exalted platform of love ofKåñëa,saweverythinginrelationtoKåñëa:seeingalltheenergyoftheLordasthepropertyoftheLord,hedidn’tblotoutKåñëa’senergyandjustseeKåñëa.Perfectionmeansthattheenergyinstantlyremindsyouoftheenergetic.

You’ll find this perfection displayed in Rämänanda Räya’s talks with Lord Caitanya whenRämänandaRäyasawLordCaitanyaasRädhäandKåñëacombined.Thisisveryconfidentialsubjectmatter.LordCaitanyatoldhim,“You’reseeingMelike thisbecause this is thevisionofsomeonewhoisspirituallyperfect.WhateverenergyoftheLordyouseeimmediatelybringsyouthepresenceof the Lord, and thus for you, Çyämasundara is everywhere.” This is confirmed in the Brahma-saàhitä[5.38]:

premäïjana-cchurita-bhakti-vilocanenasantaùsadaivahådayeñuvilokayanti

yaàçyämasundaramacintya-guëa-svarüpaàgovindamädi-puruñaàtamahaàbhajämi

I sawPrabhupäda just staring around atmy office, but notwith ordinary eyes. I could see he isseeing everything perfectly in relation to Kåñëa. Addressing all the devotees in the room, hecommented, “I see that this officewas akitchenbefore, butnow ithasbeen transformed.” Iwasastonished—Ididn’texpectthat.ButPrabhupädawasseeinghowKåñëa’sservicewasgoingonandHisenergyutilized.IwaslivingintheBBTbuilding,andtheBBT,hesaid,ishisheart,sohewasespeciallytakingnoticeofeverythingonbehalfofKåñëa.

JustaswewantperfectreciprocationfromKåñëa,wealsowantperfectreciprocationfromourspiritualmaster.Somuchworkoftheguruistogetthediscipletofeelassured,“Youarereceivingproper reciprocation from Kåñëa, and from me.” Did you know that during my whole KåñëaconsciousnesswhilePrabhupädawaspresentinthisworld,heneversaidonefullwordjusttome?Supposethathappenedtoyou.Supposeyourguruneversaidevenafullwordexclusivelytoyou.Howwouldyoufeel?You’dbeangry:“Iwantsomeoneelse—forgetthisswami!”Right?ButbecausePrabhupädawassopowerfulinloveofKåñëa,eventhoughhedidn’tsayafullwordonlytome,Ifeltthedeepestreciprocation;myheartwasfullysatisfied.IbegantoexplainmyserviceattheBBTtoPrabhupäda,andhedidn’tofferanycomment.AfterIfinished,hejustmovedhisheadsidetosideinsilentresponse,aspeoplefromIndiado.Andthenbeforeheleftmyoffice,whilelookingmeoverintently,hemadeamostbeautiful,extendedsound:“Mmmmmmmmmmm.”Andthatwas it foralifetime[LAUGHTER]—theonlysoundIheardfrommygurutomepersonally.Iwasdoingsuchintimateserviceworkingonhisbooks,butsomehoworother,that’sallIgot.So,shouldIfeelshort-changed,

mistreated?No. Because by listening toPrabhupäda’s instructions andby servinghim, I realizedKåñëaandmyspiritualmasterarereciprocatingwithmeperfectly.Ididn’tfeelinsecure.

IrememberoncePrabhupädaexplainedabout insecurity inrelationto theguru.Hesaid, “Doyouthinkthatwhoeverisphysicallyclosesttomeisthemostintimatewithme?Ifthatbeso,thenthemosquitoismymostdeardevotee.Themosquitoissoclosetome,butwhatishispurpose?Tobiteme.”Inthiswayhewarnedthatweshouldn’tjudgewhoisdeartothegurubytheirphysicalproximity.ThesecurityinreciprocationwithKåñëaandtheguruisbasedonyourlovingattitudeindevotionalservice—notanyexternaltitle,position,orritual.

The more your senses are in contact with spiritual sense objects, the more you’ll feel theconfidencethatyourspiritualemotionsaredeveloping.Takeadvantageofeveryopportunitywhenspiritualsenseobjectspresentthemselves.WithflowersthathavebeenofferedtotheDeity,takeadeep smellwhile thinking, “Here is an opportunity to perfectmy smelling ability.” The äcäryasexplainthatafterthepüjäréoffersbathwaterintheconchshelltotheDeityandthenthrowsthewateroutoverthedevotees,whenthatwatercomesflyingthroughtheairyoushouldcatchitwithyourentirebodyandfeelit.Inthatway,spiritualiseyourwholebodyasapropertybelongingtoKåñëa.Tryitthenextärati.Thisispartofthemysticismofbhakti-yoga.Makeyournoseactive,yourtactilesenseactive—allthesensesbelongtoKåñëa.It’ssopleasingtoembraceourVaiñëavapeersinpurespiritual camaraderie. You’ll find that the associates of Lord Caitanya always expressed theirVaiñëavaloveforeachotherinthisway,andthusperfectedthesenseoftouch.

IfindthatsometimesmembersinthebhaktisocietycanlikeKåñëaconsciousness—theythinkit’sagoodthing—buttheyalsofeelthatonehastodootherthingstofulfilltheinnerself.Thisisthesymptomofaneophytedevotee,orsomeonewho’sbeeninKåñëaconsciousnessalongtimewithoutproper application. In Bhagavad-gétä, Çréla Prabhupäda makes an interesting point about thisphenomenon.Heexplainsthatsometimessomeonetryingtobeadevoteecanthink,“Allthistalkaboutthesuperexcellenceofdevotionalserviceisabitfanatical.”Justassomeonefromaparticularcitylikestocheerforthehomesports-team,similarlywemightthinkthatbecausewe’rebhakti-yogisweare ritualisticallyobliged to cheer, “bhakti is best.” Thenwe can think that—all the rah, rah,hurrah, obligatory exclusivism aside, we need other activities outside of the bhakti sensoryexperiencetosufficientlyfulfillourselves.Now,maybeyoudon’toftenhearthissaidovertly.Oftenwecanignoreallthesekindsofthingswithinusandletthempercolatebeneaththesurfaceofourlife.

Wemightevenentertainthethoughtthatthere’ssuchaphenomenonas“toomuchKåñëa.”Forexample,nowwe’rehavinganecstaticfestivalwiththreethousandwonderfuldevotees,butsomeofus can think, “This is too long, too much, too intense—simply Kåñëa from morning till night,nothingelse,nobreak!”Haveyoueverthoughtlikethat?“TherecouldbetoomuchKåñëainmylife.” Maybe some devotees have warned you, “Watch it! Don’t get too much Kåñëa!” Has ithappened to any of you?Raise your hands, please. [TWO HUNDRED OUT OF ELEVEN HUNDRED RAISE THEIR HAND.]

Hmmm. His Holiness Bhakti Tértha Mahäräja taught me a formula: take the number of personshonestenough toraise theirhandand thendouble it. In thisway,you’llget theactual total. Justthink about it: “toomuchKåñëa.”Howcan thosewordsmake any sense?Could there be such athing as too much love? No. Too much happiness? No. Then, why too much Kåñëa? Themisconceptionderivesfrominsecurity.“Idon’tknowifIcantrustKåñëacompletely.Yes,He’stheSupremePersonalityofGodhead:Oànamobhagavateväsudeväya.Yes,I’mgoingtodoservicefor

KåñëabecauseIdon’twantahellishfuturebirth,Idon’twanttolosemyvaluablehumanformoflife,buttogiveeverythingtoKåñëa,isn’tthatdangerous?You’vegottoknowhowtodealwithKåñëaproperly—keepHimatasafedistance.ThrowflowersatHimfromafar.OfferyourfoodtoHim,butdon’tletHimgettooclose.”

Ofcourse,suchpersonsadvisethatyoudothesamewiththeguru.“Watchit!Getyourname,yourbeads,apicturetokeeponyourwall,butdon’tgettoomanyinstructionsfromhim.”Someofyouhaveheard like that? “You’ve got your life to live, so if you add toomuchKåñëa you couldbecomeunbalanced.”Mypointisthatsomuchofthismisunderstandingstemsfromourinabilitytosee the total inner fulfillment that devotional service provides.Wemaybe looking at devotionalserviceasifit’sjustapious,religiousactivity:youdoagooddeedforKåñëa,andinthiswayyoucanbe aniceperson.Wedon’t understand theunlimitedworldof emotional expression that theservantofKåñëaachieves.

Tomorrowwe’lltalkmoreaboutthatinneremotionalworld.Andtomorrowwe’lltalkabouttheforestsofVrajainthemiddleofthenightandwhetherKåñëareciprocatedwiththegopésproperly.Whydidheleavetheminthemiddleof thenight?HeevenleftÇrématéRädhärani—what’sgoingon? Is this thekindofSupremePersonalityofGodhead Iwant to love?Andhowdid thosegopésfeel? Kaviräja Gosvämé points out even the gopés—Kåñëa’s most beloved—feel themselves to beKåñëa’smaidservants.Butall that is tomorrow,becausenowweshall enter thewrestlingarenaofKing Kaàsa. There we shall see a practical demonstration of Kåñëa’s perfect reciprocation witheveryoneaccordingtotheirstatusordisposition.InBhagavad-gétä[4.11]Kåñëasays:yeyathämäàprapadyante täàs tathaivabhajämyaham,“AsyoudealwithMe, I’ll dealwithyou”; [9.29] samo‘haàsarva-bhüteñu,“Itreateveryoneequally.Ihavenofriends,noenemies,butifsomeonechoosestobeMydevotee,thenIputtheminMyspecialcategory.”Onceyoubecomeadevotee,naturallyyouwonderwhatthatspecialcategoryfeelslike:“CanKåñëaperfectlyreciprocatewithmebasedonmyindividuality?”

Thetranscendentalyouths,KåñëaandBalaräma,havearrivedinMathuräthedaybeforeandarenowpreparingforaction.TheyhearthesoundsfromKaàsa’swrestlingarena—musictoenlivenalltheparticipants.SoKåñëaandBalarämaproceed there.Youknowwhathappenedat thegate: thegiantelephant,Kuvalayäpéòa,waswaitingtokillthem.We’llpassoverthedescriptionofhowKåñëaended theelephantand itskeeper,andpickup theaction immediatelyafterward.Fromthedeadelephant’sbody,KåñëapulledoutahugetuskandhoistedituponHisshoulder.Balarämadidthesamewiththeothertuskandthen,togetherwithallthecowherdboys,Kåñëa,andBalarämamarchedthroughthegateintothewrestlingarena.Inside,atfirst,whatdidthepeopleseehadentered?Anextraordinary effulgence in the form of Kåñëa and Balaräma emerged in theirmidst. Let us hearaboutthedecorationsonKåñëa’ssupremelybeautifulface.TheBhägavatamsaysHisfaceresembledalotusflowercoveredwithdropsofdew.Thosedropsweretheelephant’sperspirationandblood,aswellasKåñëa’sownperspiration.

As thepeople focuseduponKåñëa andBalaräma,whatdid they see then?Did theyhave thesamevisionofKåñëa?No.EachpersonsawKåñëaaccordingtohisorherrelationshipwithKåñëa.Thatisperfectlove.Kåñëahasthatability:“AsyourelatetoMe,Irelatetoyou.”Hearingthisshouldgiveyourheart confidence.WhatdidKaàsa’swrestlers see?They sawKåñëa as a lightningbolt;thereforetheyrespondedwithfury.Theycouldn’tseeHimanyotherway.Andthemalespectatorsinthewrestlingarena,themenofMathuräwatchingtheevent,whatdidtheysee?“Amazing—here

is the best of allmales, foremostmasculinity.” And the ladies ofMathurä, what sight transfixedthem?Cupidpersonified.Consequently,theyallfeltconjugalattraction.Pleasenotethedifferencesinvision.WhataboutthecowherdmenandboysthathadcomefromVåndävana?ObservingKåñëa,theylaughedjoyously—“ThisisourKåñëa,ourownlocalstar,ourhome-boy.”Butmanydemoniackings(croniesof theKingKaàsa)werealso there. InKåñëa theysawthechastiser, thepunisher.Kåñëa’sparents,VasudevaandDevaké,wereinthecrowdalso.AfterlongseparationduringKåñëa’spastimes in Våndävana, finally they sawHim again—“Our boy, our own childKåñëa.” They feltmercytowardHim.AndwhatdidKaàsasee?Deathpersonified.“ImustkillKåñëa,butHecan’tbekilled.”Dayandnightthatparadoxwashisobsession:unfavorableKåñëaconsciousness.

When Närada Muni hears about the demons’ inimical meditation on Kåñëa, their intensityimpresseshim. In theSeventhCantoofBhägavatam,NäradaMuni explains: “Oh, if I couldonlyloveKåñëaasconcentratedlyasthedemonshatehim.”KingKaàsa’sstateofmindwasone-track:“Iwant tokillHim,butHecan’tbekilled!”Heknew thepredictions thatKåñëawas tobehis end;indeed,Kaàsahadreceivedknowledgethatinhispreviousbirthalso,asthedemonKälanemi,LordKåñëawashisterminator.Therefore,inthislifethepressurewasonhimevenmore—“ThistimeIhavetokillHimeventhoughHecan’tbekilled.”WhenhesawKåñëa,heexperiencedterror.

Apparently everyone in the wrestling arena is looking at the same phenomenon, Kåñëa; butaccording to who they are, they’re having completely different visions of Him. The unadvancedmetaphysicaltypessawtheUniversalFormandfeltghastliness.MysticyogisintheaudiencesawtheSupremeAbsoluteTruthandfeltçänta(peacefulneutrality).GazinguponKåñëa,membersoftheVåñëidynastysawtheirworshipableDeityandfeltlovingdevotion.

AllowmetogiveyouamaterialexamplethatmayhelpustounderstandthediversityofvisioninKaàsa’swrestlingarena.Somecitiesoftheworldhaveseverecrime-riddenandviolentsectionswhere even thepolicehesitate togo.When thepolicedodrive through suchneighborhoods, thepeople there become very angry: “What are you doing here, what do you want, who are youpursuing?We hate you!” Referring to the police as “pigs,” they mimic pig grunts when policeofficerswalkby.Either theywant thepolice togoawayso theycandosomecriminalactivity inpeace,orelsetheyhavewitnessedpolicebrutalityandcorruptionandsonowconsiderillegalitiesbylawenforcementofficersasthenorm.Incalm,quietpartsofthesamecity,however,thepeoplearehappytoseeapolicecar:“Oh,thankyouforpatrolling—wewanttoseeevenmoreofyou!You’reprotectingusfromthieves,muggers,burglars,andotherbadelements.”Thevisionofthepoliceiscompletelydifferent.Okay,IknowUkraineisn’tlikethis.Here,thelawandthepolicesidewiththehighestbidder.Democracyandequalitymeans,“Everyonehasthechancetopayusoffthemost—winnertakesall.”

Just as radically different views of the same material reality happen, similarly, completelydifferentvisionsofthesameKåñëaoccur.Thewrestlersandtheimpiouskingssawfearitself.Why?Because theywere rebelling againstKåñëa’s law—criminals are always in anxiety,watching theirback.ButallthedevoteesdrownedindelightuponseeingtheSupreme.ThecowherdpeoplefromVåndävanawereoverjoyed;theladiesofMathuräwerealmostfaintingoutofconjugalattraction;thepiouspeoplewerecontemplatingthebestofallmales.Kaàsawasseeinghisdeathpersonified.It’sthesameperson,BhagavänÇréKåñëa,butyouseehimaccordingtoyourpersonalstatuswithHim.

Kåñëacanaccommodateunlimitedindividualitiesandperfectlyreciprocateyour lovebecauseHe Himself is rasa. The Vedas state raso vai saù: Kåñëa Himself is the flavor of a particular

relationship.OnceyoutastethedirectrasaswithKåñëa,whenyouroriginalrelationshipwithHimfullyrevives,thenyoutastetheblissofthespiritualworld.SowhynotturndirectlytoKåñëa,thesourceof all rasa?Why try to enjoy the distorted rasasof the pervertedmaterial existence?ThesceneatthewrestlingarenashouldempoweryouwithconfidencethatthesameKåñëacanhandleeveryone’s individuality perfectly. Somany different types of persons there,with vastly differentattitudes,allsawandreceivedexactlywhatwasbestforeachperson.IsaytoyouthatifyouwanttofeelsecureaboutservingKåñëa,thenyoumustattaintheconfidencethatKåñëacanreciprocatewithyouperfectly.OuruniquenessispartofHim,iscontainedwithinHim.

Fromtheirseatsinthearena,theeverydaypersonsofMathuräanditsoutlyingregionsgazeduponKåñëa, themost glorious sense object. Please remember thismetaphorical description:withtheireyestheydrankupKåñëaandBalaräma,withtheirtonguestheylickedThem,withtheirnosetheysmelledThem,andwiththeirarmstheyembracedThemmentally.Isn’tthissensuous?Bhaktimeansfull,perfectengagementforoursenses.Thinkaboutthedescription—it’sbhakti-yoga.Whatkindofhappinessdidthecityandsuburbanspectatorsinthearenafeel?Thehappinessswellingintheirheartsforcedtheireyeswideopenandmadetheirwholefacesblossomlikeflowers.Haveyoueverexperiencedhappinesslikethat?Ofcourse,onlyspiritualhappinessproducessuchreactions—theresultofperfectreciprocationinbhakti.

Nowthearenastartstobuzz:“It’sKåñëa—weheardaboutHisgloriesinVåndävana!”Everyonebegantotradekåñëa-kathä:“WeheardthatKåñëadidthis,Hedidthat.Balarämadidthis,Hedidthat.” The entire arena resoundedwith the pastimes of Kåñëa in Våndävana. Thewaves of thesesweetsoundsbecametoomuchforKåñëa’senemies.Demonscan’tstanditwhenKåñëaisglorified,therefore Cäëüra, the demoniac wrestler, stood up and made a speech. “Kåñëa, You have beeninvited here, as Youwell know, for awrestlingmatch.We all knowwhat is theAbsoluteTruth:whatever theKingwants, that’swhat thecitizensshoulddo.That issiddhänta.When thecitizensobeythedictator,thenthey’rehappy.Iftheydisregardthedictator,thenthey’refinished.Thisisthehighestreality.WeallknowthatthecowherdboysandYouwrestleinVåndävana.Wejustwanttostagealittlewrestlingexperiencerighthereinthearena.Let’sdowhatthekingwants,Kåñëa.”

WhatwasKåñëa’sreactiontothisoration?CouldKåñëadealwiththesituation?Ofcourse,noproblem—Kåñëawelcomedthechallenge.Atthesametime,however,Kåñëaknewthatasthegoalofreligion,Hehada responsibility fordharma-çikñä(religious instruction).Hehad toestablish thateven thoughHe’d love towrestleandkill thesedemons,actually thematch is irreligiousbecauseKåñëa and Balarämawere just young boys and thewrestlerswere huge. ThereforeKåñëa replied,“CertainlyWe’d like to wrestle, but you two are professional all-star wrestlers with bodies likemountains,andWe’re just tenderboys.”ThewrestlerCäëüradidn’tgo for that.“Kåñëa,weknowwhoYouare,”heshotback,“We’vejustseenYoukillKuvalayäpéòa,anelephantwiththestrengthoften-thousandelephants.Enoughofthistalk—comeonKåñëa,let’sfight!I’llbattleYou;Muñöikawill take on Balaräma.” The ferocious match was on. Striking head against head, elbow againstelbow,chestagainstchest,andkneeagainstknee,thetwotenderboysfoughtthetwomountain-likepros.

Sometimesdevoteeswonderwhy theBhägavatam always gives somany gory, ghastly detailsaboutKåñëa’sfighting.ArealdevoteerelishesanythingthatKåñëadoesandcravesalltheecstaticminutiae.WhetherKåñëaisdancingintheforestofVåndävanaorfightinginthewrestlingarenaofKaàsa,whateverHedoesisall-good.Youcanderivethegreatestsatisfactionandblissbymeditating

on anything Kåñëa does—with detail ad infinitum. Lacking this attitude, you’ll never genuinelydiscoveryourownuniqueflavorofattractiontoKåñëa.Indeed,it’sverystrengtheningforyourKåñëaconsciousness to pay attention to the particulars of Kåñëa’s fighting to the same degree you payattentiontothedetaileddescriptionsofHisdancing.Whenyou’rehearingaboutKåñëa’srasa-lélä,youwanttosavorhowthefullmoonintheskytingesthehorizonreddishandgentlyilluminatesalltheflowersandtrees;youwanttofeelthecoolnightbreezes;youwanttosmellthejasmineflowers.Yes,everyonelikestohearaboutthis,butwhataboutthedetailsofKåñëa’swrestling?Thatalsoweshouldthinkabout.WhataboutKåñëa’sfightingCäëüraandBalaräma’sfightingMuñöika,smashingeachotherwitheverypartofthebody?Thedetailsarethereforthosewhoknowhowtorelish.

Nextinthearena,aprotestdeveloped.TheladiesofMathuräcouldn’ttoleratetheapparentlyunequal fight. Gathering together in groups, they began to discuss among themselves—a basicfeminineresponsethatexistsinboththematerialworldandthespiritualworld.“Oh,thisisunfair.Howhorrible,” they lamented. “Anyonewhowill just stand-byandallow thiswrestlingmatch tocontinuecertainlyoffendstheprinciplesofreligion.First, lookatthetwoyoungtenderboys,andthen look at the gigantic wrestlers. Those who watch silently share in the offense.” Despite theextremeanxiety,theladiesfocuseduponKåñëaandBalaräma’sbeautifulfaces:“LookatKåñëa’sfaceshiningwithdropsofperspirationlikea lotusflowercoveredwithdew.LookatBalaräma’sface.”HowisBalaräma’sfacedescribed?Hiseyes,glowingredfromanger,tingeHiswholefacereddish.Butwhilefightingfuriously,He’salsolaughing.Canyoudothat?Fightwithangersointenseyoureyesarered-hot,yetlaughatthesametime?Balarämacandoit.ThisistheemotionalprowessoftheSupremePersonalityofGodhead.

The unjust wrestling match so riled the ladies of Mathurä that they condemned Mathurä,indirectly.TheyartfullyexpressedthisdenunciationbypraisingVåndävana:

puëyäbatavraja-bhuvoyadayaànå-liìgagüòhaùpuräëa-puruñovana-citra-mälyaù

gäùpälayansaha-balaùkvaëayaàçcaveëuàvikrédayäïcatigiritra-ramärcitäìghriù

“How pious are the tracks of land in Vraja? For there, the primeval Personality of Godhead,disguising Himself with human traits, wanders about enacting His many pastimes. The Lord isdecorated with beautiful forest garlands. He’s tending the cows with Balaräma. His feet areworshipedbyLordÇivaandLakñmédevé.”[Çrémad-Bhägavatam10.44.13]ByglorifyingVåndävanaandnotsayinganythingabouttheirownMathurä,theladiesmadetheirstatementofdisapproval.Why did they do this?The pain in the heart from their seeingKåñëa and Balarämaundergo thewrestlingmatchwassogreatthattheyevenbegantorebukeMathurä,theeternalabodeoftheLord.DoyouseehowpowerfulistheheartpurelyattractedtoKåñëa?TheladiesofMathuräaresubtlelyimplying that theatrociouswrestlingmatchwouldneverhappen inVåndävana,whereKåñëa justwanderswiththecowsandBalarämainpeace.Indirectlythey’resaying,“HereinMathurä,justseehowthishorriblewrestlingmatchisoccurring.”

Their remembranceofVåndävana intensifying, theybegan topraise thebhakti.Herewehaveoneofthegreatsportsofbhakti—glorifyingotherdevotees.It’semotionalexpressionatitsbest:

gopyastapaùkimacaranyadamuñyarüpaàlävaëya-säramasamordhvamananya-siddhamdågbhiùpibantyanusaväbhinavaàduräpam

ekänta-dhämayaçasaùçréyaaiçvarasya

“Whatausteritiesmust thegopéshaveperformed.With their eyes theyalwaysdrink thenectarofKåñëa’s form, which is the essence of loveliness and is not to be equalled or surpassed. Thatloveliness is the only abode of beauty, fame, and opulence. It is self-perfect, ever fresh, andextremelyrare.”[Çrémad-Bhägavatam10.44.14]HowdoyoudescribeKåñëa’sform?Lavaëyasäram,the essence of all loveliness andasama-ürdhvam,Kåñëa’s beautiful formhas no rival. Remember,they’redrinkingthenectarofthisformwiththeireyes.Kåñëa’sformisalsoekänta-dhäma,theonlyabodeofbeauty,opulence,andfame.Kåñëa’sbeautifulformisself-perfect,everfresh,andextremelyrare.

Finally,theladiesofMathurärememberhowtheVraja-gopésmeditate.Wheredotheydoit,inatemple? No, all of Vraja is a staging ground for theirmeditation on Kåñëa since their every actperformedthereisfullyKåñëa-saturated.HouseholddutieswereanopportunitytosingaboutKåñëawith voices choked with tears andminds fully attached to Kåñëa. Because, even while cleaninghouses,feedingbabies,cookingmeals,andmilkingcows,thegopéswerealwaysabsorbedinKåñëaconsciousness, the äcäryas conclude that the natural and spontaneous meditational techniquespracticedintheremotecowherdvillageofVåndävanaareunsurpassed.TheMathuräladiesnotethatthegopés’exaltedKåñëaconsciousnessautomaticallybringstothemalldesirablethings.Letuslongfor this conviction: byKåñëa consciousnesswe’ll acquire all the truly important thingswe need.There’snothingelsewerequireexceptbhakti;allelsethatmaybeinourlife is insupportofthatacquisition.Inthefinalsalutetothegopés inVåndävana, thewomenofMathurä focusuponwhathappensinthevillageinthemorningandatsunset.ImpelledbyKåñëa’sflute,alltheyounggirlscomeoutoftheirhousestoseeHimasHedepartstotheforestandreturns.TheyreceiveHissmileandmercifulglance.

BecauseKåñëaisYogeçvara(themasterofmysticpowers),HewasawareofwhattheMathuräladies in the arena were saying. He also noticed that His parents Vasudeva and Devaké werebecoming anxious. By their hearing the women’s worried conversations, Kåñëa’s parents werebecoming affected and they began to grieve.Unaware, at this point in the pastime, ofKåñëa andBalaräma’s full glories, they lamented, “Oh, why is this happening to our sons?Why didn’t weproperly care for Them!” Noting that there was toomuch anxiety in the wrestling arena, Kåñëaimmediatelyrespondedwithaction:“Theladiesaredisturbed,Myparentsaredisturbed—it’skillingtimenow.”ThewrestlerCäëürapoundedonKåñëa’schestwithbothfists,butKåñëareactedlikeanelephanthitwith a flower garland—Hedidn’t even shake.ThenKåñëa grabbed the twohandsofCäëüra,swunghimaroundinacircle,andthrewhimontheground—dead.

Then it was Muñöika’s turn. Realizing his death could be any moment, Muñöika mightilysmashedBalarämawithhis fist.WhatdidBalarämado?Note thatHe felt theblowtobenothing;nevertheless,withHispalmHeslappedMuñöikadownsopowerfullythatthedemonvomitedbloodanddied,evenbeforehisbodyhittheground.Next,otherwrestlers—theBteam—attacked.KåñëaandBalarämaeasilykilledthemwithbothTheirfistsandTheirfeet.SomeofthewrestlersTheyjustkicked in thehead,splittingtheirwholebodyapart;othersTheyterminatedwithTheir fists.Thefewsurvivingwrestlersranfortheirlives.Haribol!

Nowit’spartytime—allthecowherdboyspouredintothecentreofthearenaandsurroundedKåñëaandBalaräma,jubilantlycelebratingthevictory.Astheyprancedanddanced,thesoundsfromtheir ankle bells combined with the music from the royal band. The brähmaëas bestowed their

blessings,chanting,“Sädhu,sädhu!”(“Excellent,welldone!”)Everyonewashappy,exceptKaàsa.So, Kåñëa had to take care of him. Although today we won’t talk about Kaàsa’s death, pleaseconsiderthathisoutcomewaswonderful—hewentbacktoGodhead,attaininga formresemblingthe Lord’s in Vaikuëöha.Why? Because he was always thinking of Kåñëa. The intensity of thatpersonalconcentration—thoughinimicalandfearful—tookhimtoVaikuëöha.

Therefore, how do you find anyone better to serve than Kåñëa?We should go on with ourdevotionalservicewithcompleteconfidencethat,“Kåñëaknowsexactlywhat isbestsothatIcanattaintheultimategoalinlife,backtoGodhead.”

PureLove,SoExtraordinary

ThatKrsnaWantstoTasteIt

We’re continuing our discussion on bhaktibhäva, the emotions of a devotee. Because “devotee”means devotional service, naturally a devotee is concerned with the experience of devotionalservice, and as we’ve been discussing, experiencing devotional service means the experience ofemotions.

Abnormally,weexpectinnerfulfillmentandexpressionfrommateriallife,hopingourheartwillbesomewhatsatisfied.Mäyä invitesyoutoapplyyourmindandsensestosensegratificationandassuresyouthatyou’llfeelatleastsomedegreeofsignificantsatisfaction.Isn’tthatso?Theillusoryenergybeckons,“IknowyouhaveaholeinyourheartandIknowjusthowtofillthatgap.”Yes?Everyoneknowswhat it feels like to have a hole in theheart. It’s a gnawing inner emptiness inwhichyoudon’tfeellikeyou’relovingorgettinglove.

Everyonewantstofeelgoodaboutthemselves,soyoureadyyourmaterialmindandsensesforaction,thinking,“IfIactformaterialpleasure,thenI’llbeemotionallyfulfilled.”Youinteractwiththe material energy in order to express your inner-self, but the specific problem with thismaterialistic, non-spiritual process is that you only access a shell—a rind composed of mind,intelligence,andfalseego.Youallknowthat,butthepressingquestionishowyoucangetintouchwith the real emotions,of the real self.Theshell-games—that is,material senses interactingwithmaterialself—willneversatisfyyou,thespiritsoul.Forexample,whowouldtrytorelishthejuiceand pulp inside a coconut by chewing on the outside, on its husk? Instead of first cracking thecoconuttogetinside,yousimplyapplyyourteethoutside,asbestyoucan.Howsatisfiedwouldyoube?You’ll just endupwith tired jaws.To relish the coconut, youhave to know the art of goinginside.Bhakti-bhävaistheemotionalexpressionoftheinsidelife,thetrueinner-self—experiencedwhenweengageindevotionalservice.

ThemoreweserveKåñëa,themorewefeelwemustimprovebothourheartandourservice.Arealdevoteealwaysperceivesunlimitedroomforimprovement.Untilwefeellikethat,we’llnevergrasp the higher levels of bhakti. Çréla Prabhupäda set up ISKCONwithmany different types ofdevotional service so that devotees can feel challenged in multiple ways. When the service ischallenging,theservitorsbecomepressedtoincreasetheirpurity.Therefore,weshouldwelcomeaservicethatpushesusoutofourcomfortzoneofcomplacencyandsmugness.CryingouttoKåñëaisreal comfort and luxury.Whether we’re living at home or in an äçrama,we want the mercy offeeling,“UnlessIbecomemorepure,howcanIdowhatI’msupposedtodo?”Thischallengeisnotjustforthosewholiveinanäçrama.GåhastalifeisthechallengeofhowtokeepKåñëainthecenterofthehome.Howcanyouworkajob,maintainafamily,andstilladvanceinKåñëaconsciousness?ThisgreatchallengepushesthesinceredevoteetotakemoreshelterofKåñëa.

Themoreweadvanceinpurity,themorewerealize,“I’mKåñëa’shumbleservant—infact,theservantofHisservants.”RememberwetalkedabouttheegoofAdvaitaÄcärya.Kåñëaconsciousnessinvolves positive ego or real ego, and material life involves false ego. In the process of sensegratificationyouregodistorts;it’sapervert.Materiallifeoppressesyourrealidentity,andthereforeyoufeelsouncomfortable.Thissensationofexistentialawkwardnessanddislocationimpelspeopletoembraceintoxication.AdvaitaÄcärya,however,revealedadynamic,genuineego.Rememberhow,suddenlyjumpingup,Hewoulddeclare,“I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya,I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya,I’mtheservantofHisservants!”LetusmeditateuponHisperfectself-expression.WithHis words He said, “I am Lord Caitanya’s servant”; with His mind He thought of Himself as adevoteeoftheLord;andwithHisbodyHeworshipedtheLord.Moreover,withallHisfaculties,HedisseminatedthemessageofLordCaitanya.Thisisrealego,realself-expression.

TodaywewillreverentlyandhumblyventuretotheVåndävanaforestinthemiddleofthenight—themostsensitivesubjectmatter.Thetopicofthegopés’loveforKåñëaisthemostdelicatesubjectbecause the affairsbetweenKåñëaandHismost intimate consorts apparently resemble somethingwe’requitefamiliarwithinmaterialexistence.InKåñëa’spastimeswiththegopés,however,there’snottheslightesttraceofmaterialphysicalityormaterialemotion.

We’ll hear Kåñëadäsa Kaviräja Gosvämé explain that even Kåñëa’s consorts in VåndävanaconsiderthemselvesHismaidservants.Thedustoftheirfeet,thepada-reëu,iswhatKåñëa’sforemostadvisor,Uddhava,desiresuponhishead.RememberUddhava’sprayerintheBhägavatam?It’sthereintheKåñëabookalso:“LetmetakebirthasaclumpofgrassinVåndävana,sothatwhenthegopéswalk,theparticlesofdustfromtheirfeetwillfalluponmyhead.”Justthink:KåñëasaidUddhavaismoredeartoHimthanHisownself,butthatsameUddhavabegstobecomegrassunderthefeetofthegopés.Nevertheless,althoughthegopésaremostdear toKåñëa, theyconsider themselves tobeKåñëa’smaidservants.

Theirself-conceptionasmaidservantsmaybealittledifficulttounderstandbecausesometimesthey quarrel with Kåñëa and vice versa. It’s all for the pleasure of Kåñëa. Often the village ofVåndävanaisfullofgossipaboutthequarrels.Haveanyofyougrownupinavillage?[AFEWHUNDRED

RAISETHEIRHANDS.]Everyoneknowseveryoneelse’sbusiness,right?There’salwayssmalltalk,chit-chat:“Didyouknowwhatsoand-sodidlastnight?”Especiallythegrandmothers,butalsotheyounggirlsandsometimesthemen—everyoneindulgesinvillagetalk.Similarly,thetranscendentalvillageofVåndävanaisfullofvillagegossip.“WhatisKåñëadoing,andwho’swithHim?”Ofcourse,allthegossipandrumorsarepure,transcendentalsoundvibration.SometimesKåñëaisarrangingmeetings

with His consorts, sometimes He’s negotiating peace because one of them is angry at Him, andsometimes various cowherdboys and cowherd girls serve asmessengers, runningback and forthbetweenKåñëaandtheoffendedbeloved.Still,everyoneisaservantofKåñëa.WeneedtoknowthateveninthegopésofVåndävana,you’llfindtheemotionsofservitudetoKåñëa.Therefore,whoarewetodesireanythingelseexceptKåñëa’sservice?

Listen to these verses from the Bhägavatam (quoted by Kåñëadäsa Kaviräja Gosvämé inCaitanya-caritämåta)inwhichthegopéspresenttheiremotionsofservitudefromwithinthecontextoftheirconjugalloveforKåñëa:

vraja-janärti-hanvérayoñitäànija-jana-smaya-dhvaàsana-smitabhajasakhebhävat-kiìkaréùsmano

jala-ruhänanaàcärudarçaya

“OLord,removerof theafflictionsof the inhabitantsofVåndävana.Oheroofallwomen.OLordwho destroys the pride of Your devotees by Your sweet, gentle smile. O friend! We are Yourmaidservants.PleasefulfillourdesiresandshowusYourattractivelotusface.”[Çrémad-Bhägavatam10.31.6] Think about that gentle smile of Kåñëa.Have you ever seen a smile so beautiful that itdestroyspride?

KåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosvämégivesanotherexampleasevidence(pramäëa)fromthesectionoftheBhägavatamknown asBrahmära-gétä (song of the bumble bee). Çrématé Rädhäräëé is in themadnessofecstaticlovetalkingtoabumblebee.

apibatamadhu-puryämärya-putro‘dhunästesmaratisapitå-gehänsaumyabandhüàçcagopän

kvacidapisakathänaùkiìkaréëäàgåëétebhujamaguru-sugandhaàmürdhnyadhäsyatkadäun

“OUddhava!ItisindeedregrettablethatKåñëaresidesinMathurä.DoesHerememberHisfather’shouseholdaffairsandHisfriends,thecowherdboys?Ogreatsoul!DoesHeevertalkaboutus,Hismaidservants? When will He lay on our heads His aguru-scented hand?” [Çrémad-Bhägavatam10.47.21]ÇrématéRädhäräëé sang this songof intense separationonbehalfof theothergopés too.“DoesHeevertalkaboutus,Hismaidservants?”Note, itmayseemthegopésareprayingfortheirownhappiness.Wecanall relate to that: “Please fulfillourdesiresbyshowingusYour attractivelotus face.PleaseputonourheadYourbeautifully scentedhand.”Thesepleas can seem familiarground to conditioned souls: nice, good, justifiable and legitimate selfishness—“ours” and “us.”“DoesHeeverrememberusinVåndävana?”Againwethink,“Yes,right!Kåñëa,Youshouldfulfillourdesires.”Becausethesepleasresembleselfishdesire,it’sverydifficulttounderstandthegopés’loveforKåñëa.YetthatloveiscomposedofnothingotherthanthedesiretopleaseKåñëa.

KåñëadäsaKaviräjaGosväméispointingouttousthateventhegopésareKåñëa’smaidservantsandtastethenectarofservitudetoKåñëa.Infact,hedeclares,“Whoistherewhodoesnothavetheseemotionsofservitude?”TheemotionsofservitudespringfromBalaräma,andfromHimalltheotherincarnationsofGodheadderivethisquintessentialemotion.AlltheexpansionsofKåñëa—Balaräma,Saìkarñaëa,Mahäviñëu—havetheemotionsofbeingKåñëa’sservant.LordKåñëa,svayambhagavän,is conscious thatHe is the SupremePersonality ofGodhead, but the expansionsofGodhead feelThemselvestobedevotees.

Kaviräja Gosvämé discloses another astonishing fact of the spiritual world. When theincarnationsandexpansionsofGodheadforgetaboutbeingGodandactasaservitor-devoteeoftheLord,Theytastesuperiorpleasure.ThereforeTheyhaverights.Inmaterialsocieties,peopleclamorabouthumanrights,economicrights,politicalrights,votingrights,andsoon.Surprisingly,inthespiritual realm the incarnations and expansions of Godhead also have rights—to give up theselfconception of being an incarnation and thus relish existence as a devotee. Think about it.Balarämahasrights,Mahäviñëuhasrights.Theyalltastesuperiorblissbyassumingthepositionofadevotee.Theywant thebhakti-bhäva, theemotionaldynamicsofadevotee. “Baladeva,Lakñmaëa,AdvaitaÄcärya,LordNityänanda,LordÇeñaandLordSaìkarñaëatastethenectareanmellowsofthetranscendentalblissofLordKåñëabyrecognizingThemselvesasbeingHisdevoteesandservants.They are all mad with that happiness, and They know nothing else.” [Caitanya-caritämåta, Ädi6.106]

ThistasteissosuperiorthatevenKåñëa,thesourceofallincarnationsandexpansions,wantsit.Hehankerstotastethesva-mädhurya-päni,thenectar-drinkofHisownsweetness.Thoseofyouwhohave been to India know they have a drink called nimba-päni (lemonwater). On a hot day, it’srefreshing.LordKåñëahassomespecialsweetness,someveryconfidentialprivatesweetnessthatHeHimselfwondersabout.Hewantstoexperiencemädhurya-carvaëä,chewingthesweetnessofbeinganemotionalservant.

Prahläda Mahäräja says in the Seventh Canto of the Bhägavatam, punaù punaç carvita-carvaëänäm:material life just gives you the taste of chewing what has already been thoroughlychewed.Youmayknowthatdoctorssaywhenyoueatyou’resupposedtochewamouthfuloffoodthirtytwo times for proper digestion.Howmanyof youdo that? [NO ONE RAISES THEIR HAND.] I’ve neverobservedeaterstoseeifanyonedoesit,butthink,ifafterchewingsomethingthirtytwotimes,wouldyou dare offer it to someone else to relish?Would they accept it?Noway! But that iswhat theexchanges of taste inmaterial life are like. Material society, family, and friends say, “Take thisspoonfulthatprecedinggenerationshavethoroughlychewed,intotal,thousandsoftimes.Actually,inrare,honest,contemplativemoments,weadmitthere’snotasteinit—butanyway,let’spretend.Afterall,wehavetomaintaintraditions,customs,andconformity.Wemustdoourdutyandhandthisdowntoyou.Nowyoutakeyourturn,workingyourjawstolaboriouslychewwhathasalreadybeenchewedcountlesstimes.Whyareweconferringthisbenedictionuponyou?Becauseyouareinour family, inour society, thereforeplease accept this love.”Whatdoyou thinkabout that?Themercilessstruggle,simplyforanonexistenttaste.

To taste is thenaturalpropensityof the spirit soul.Kåñëa, theSupremeSoul, also tastes.ButwhatisKåñëainterestedintasting?Mädhurya-carvaëä.Hewants tochewonHimself, specificallyHisownsweetness.Hecan’tdothatasKåñëa,sothereforeHecomesasLordCaitanya—totastethenectarofbeingaservantofKåñëa.WhenyouthinkofÇréÇréRädhäKåñëa,whocombineasLordCaitanya,youshouldimmediatelythinkoftheexchangeofpurelove.

Let’stalkaboutpurelove.It’sasubjectthatcanbecomealittledelicate.I’llexplainwhyinafewminutes.Butfirst,rememberwewerediscussinghowthegopéscouldappeartobeselfishwhentheypleaded, “Kåñëa,pleasecome tous,please relieveusbyYourpresence,please fulfillourdesires.ShowusYourattractivelotusface.”Inanormalmaterialrelationship,onepersonwantshisorherdesirestobesatisfiedbytheotherperson.Howmanyofyouhaveeverbeeninarelationship,ofanytype,inwhichyouhadnodesiresofyourown,notevenapinchofdesireforyourself?Pleaseraise

yourhand.[EVERYONESMILES, BUTNOONERAISESTHEIRHAND.]You’veneverseenarelationshiplikethatinthematerialworld.Alwaysyouenterintoarelationshiptogetatleastsomethingforyou.Whetherit’saromantic, a friendly, or a parental bond, you alwayswant something for yourself. Especially youwanttheotherpersontosoothetheemptinessyoufeelinside.Consequently,youhaveexpectationsintherelationship:“Youaretheappointedone.Youaregoingtofulfillme.Youaregoingtomakemylifebetter.”

Inthematerialworld,peopleacceptthehankeringforthistypeofrelationshipasnormal.Howcanarelationshippossiblyexistinwhichyoudon’tevenwantatinybitofsomethingforyourself?Not one person of the twelve hundred here affirmed he or she had materially experienced anunconditionalrelationship.Sowhatdoesthatrealityrevealtoyouaboutlifeinthematerialworld?Areyouwillingtothinkdeeplyabouttheconclusions?Iknow—it’ssomewhatfrightening.Doyouwanttogofurther,ormaybeIshouldstopherefortheday?Idon’twanttoupsetyounow.Istherereallynogenuineloveinthematerialworld?WewerediscussingthisintheKievtemple.Ididn’twant to go into the topic too much, because if devotees are not completely ready to hear andconsiderit,theybecomedisturbed.“What?Howcanitbeso?Ican’tfaceit!”Whatdoallofyouherethink?Howmanyofyoufeelcomfortablehearingastatementthatthereisnoloveinthematerialworld? [HALF THE ROOM RAISES THEIR HAND.] And now let’s be honest—how many of you feel somewhatuncomfortableaboutit?[HALFTHEROOMRAISESTHEIRHAND.]

OncewebecomemoreawareofKåñëa’saffairsinGolokaVåndävana,ourvisionofrelationshipsin the perverted reflection, thematerial realm, becomes clearer. But if ourmain concentration isupon the affairs of the material world, we’ll feel quite uncomfortable when those mundanerelationshipsareshowntobecruciallylacking.Ifsomeoneattackssomethingclosetoyou,deartoyou,naturallyyoubecomedefensive—it’sanormalhumanreaction.Conditionedsoulsdon’tlikeforanyonetocriticizetheirbody,theirpersonality,orotherbodiesandpersonalitiesdeartotheirownbodyandpersonality.Ifsomeonecriticizesthelandwhereourbodytookbirth,manyofuswouldprobablybecomedisturbed,right?Let’ssaysomeonefromSwitzerlandstrodeintothisassemblyandloudly proclaimed, “Russia is a nonsense country!How can anyone live here?”You’d be at leastsomewhatdisturbed, yes?You’d think, “Okay,wemayhaveproblems inRussia, butwe are verynice,warm-heartedpeople.”

IthinkI’vetoldyoubeforewhatwasthebiggesttestofmyfaith,thebiggestbarriertomyKåñëaconsciousness when I was a new devotee. I had no problems whatsoever with anything ÇrélaPrabhupäda wrote or said—except when he would criticize New York City, my hometown!Prabhupädawouldreallylambasttheplace:“Ahorriblecity,somuchnoise,somuchcommotion.”AndIwasthinking,“Butit’sa lovelycitywithitsnonstophustleandbustle—‘thecitythatneversleeps.’ Action anytime, anyplace—it’s the center of the universe!” As a new devotee, I couldn’tunderstandhowPrabhupädacouldcriticizeNewYork.Irationalizedtomyselfthathedidn’treallymeanit.Now,whensomeonecriticizesNewYorkCity,Icouldn’tcareless;I’mnotfondofanyplaceinthematerialworld.Butinthebeginning,asanewbhakta,yes,Iwasverysensitive:“Prabhupädadoesn’tunderstandthissmallbutsignificantpoint.”

Thisexampleshowshowwebecomedefensivewhenwelackahigherperspective.Similarly,ifsomeone says there’s no love in the material world, we may become edgy, defensive: “Well,Mahäräja,Idon’tknow.Hmmm.”Externallyyoumayagree,butinternallyoftenwemaythink,“I’vehada fewmagicmoments—afewmomentswheneverything justseemedtoclick—Ithink itwas

love.”Yes, if youhad a caring, affectionatemother, youdid experience the closest feeling in thematerialworld to real love, unconditional love.Nevertheless, the reality remains that themotherexpectssomethinginreturn.Tograspwhatisactuallyreallove,purelove,weneedtounderstandtheunlimited emotional expression of the spiritualworld. Lacking that full divine knowledge ofKåñëa’sabode,we’llhavenootherchoicebuttoconsiderourlittleexperienceofthematerialworldassoimportant,sodefining.

If you truly want to understand that there is no love in the material world, then youmustunderstand the spiritual world and its affairs. Understanding the spiritual world and its loveculminates inunderstandingKåñëa and thegopés.AsLordCaitanya proclaimed, there’s no betterwayoflovingKåñëathanthatdemonstratedbythegopésofVåndävana.Forexample,evenwhenthegopéswoulddressorcombtheirhair,theywerenotdoingitfortheirownsensegratification.Whenanordinarypersondecoratesthebody,youknowthefeelingthatarises:“OhnowIlooknice,soIfeel better aboutmyself.” Youwant to feel good about yourself, about how you look, right?Andyou’re hoping, “When others notice how I look and praise me, I’ll feel even better.” Kåñëa’sgirlfriendscertainlydressorcombtheirhair,butwhataretheythinking?Nofalseego—theysimplyconsider,“Kåñëawillgetpleasurebylookingatus.”That’sall—one-hundred-percentpuredevotiontogivingKåñëapleasure.EvenwhentheybecomeangrywithKåñëa,theydoitjusttopleaseKåñëa.TheyknowthatKåñëaenjoysthebeautyoftheirexpressionsinanger.

BecausethegopésunderstandhowtodoeverythingwhollyandonlyforKåñëa’spleasure,theirloveistopmost.Theyneverthinkabouttheirownpleasure.Canyougojustonefulldaywithouteverthinkingofyourownsatisfactionandpleasure?Howmanyofyouhavetriedthis?Fromyourawakening in the morning until your retiring at night, not once do you think about your ownhappiness.Tryittomorrow.Seeifyoucanlastevenhalftheday.“WhatisthebestthingIcandoatevery moment to please Kåñëa?” To make a practice of this questioning grants a glimpse intoVåndävana.Onceyoucanunderstandthestandardofloveinthespiritualworld,thenyoucantrulyappreciatethestatementthatthematerialworldisdevoidofreallove.

Comprehendingbhakti-bhäva(the emotions of a puredevotee servitor of theLord)will allowyoutoproperlydistinguishbetweensometimesnoble,yetalwaysincomplete,faultyattemptsatloveand the real standard Kåñëa and His associates eternally set: “At Akrüra’s request, Kåñëa andBalarämaleftthehouseofNandaMahäräjaforMathurä.Atthattime,themindofÇrématéRädhäräëéwas disrupted, and She became almost mad because of extreme separation from Kåñëa. Sheexperiencedgreatmentalpainandagitation,whichcausedHertodrowninmentalspeculationintheriverofanxiety.Shethought, ‘NowIamgoingtodie,andwhenIdie,Kåñëawillsurelycomeback to see Me again. But when He hears of My death from the people of Våndävana, He willcertainly be very unhappy. Therefore I shall not die.’” [Haàsa-düta (2) quoted in Caitanya-caritämåta,Antya14.53purport]

Purelove,purebhaktitoKåñëa,issoextraordinarythatevenKåñëawantstotasteit.Kåñëahasunlimited desires, and Çrématé Rädhäräëé has the unlimited ability to fulfillHis desires. She canexpandHer fulfillmentcapabilities so immeasurably thatKåñëawonders, “What is this situation?WhatisthenatureofHerrole,Herposition?WhatisSheexperiencing?Iwanttotasteit,towalkinHer shoes.”The love of ÇrématéRädhäräëé and theothergopésnot only attractsKåñëa but also itconquers Him, even bewilders Him.When pleading for Kåñëa’s presence, they’re thinking only,“Kåñëa,youcannotbehappywithoutusaround.”Wemustneverforgetthattheirsongsandprayers

of separation are actually longings to pleaseKåñëa, to engage inHis service,with no ulterior orselfishmotiveintheslightest.Thegopésareirrevocablyconvincedofwhattheyperfectlyholdtobethemostfundamentalrealityoflife:“Kåñëa,forYourhappinessourpresenceisabsolutelynecessary.Therefore,pleasereturnsowecanofferourservicetoYou.”

In a purport in Caitanya-caritämåta, Çréla Prabhupäda explains the extraordinary paradoxregardingthegopés’loveforKåñëa.Wecanmeditateuponitfortherestofourlife,yetneverreachanend.Thisastoundingironyis thatalthoughthegopésneveract for theirownhappiness,KåñëaHimselfforceshappinessuponthem.Thegopéshavenocareorconcernfortheirownpleasure,yetKåñëa has every concern for their pleasure—even to the extent that, in spite of their utterselflessness,Heimposeshappinessuponthem.Wecanbegintoapproachtheshoresoftheimmenseoceanknownasthegopés’loveforKåñëabycultivatingouraptitudefordevotionalservice.

Caitanya-caritämåtasaystoyou,“Whatspiritualpersonalityistherewholacksthesentimentsofservitude toKåñëa?LordBalarämahas it,Mahäviñëuhas it,LordÇivahas it.”WhatdoesLordÇivado?Likeamadmanhedanceswithoutclothes,callingout,“I’mtheservantofKåñëa,I’mtheservant of Kåñëa.” Since the most powerful personalities of the highest magnitude all have theemotionsofbeingaservantofLordKåñëa,whoarewetoavoiddevelopingtheseemotions?Onceyoustartthinkingaboutthisreality,thenyoubegintoappreciatehowwonderfulanopportunitywehavenow,toserveKåñëainHissocietyofdevotees.

It’ssoglorioustoidentifyourselves,inmind,word,anddeed,asKåñëa’sservant.Peopleliketoidentifyasbelongingtoaparticulargroup.Beforecomingtothisfestival,IvisiteddevoteesinRivna.NexttotheflatwhereIstayedwasanarmytrainingcamp.Thesoldierswereseekingtheblissofidentifying asonegroup: as thebattalionsdrilled,marching in step, theyvigorously sang, “One,two,weareCossacks; three, four,weareCossacks.”Thepointofmarching together and singingsuchsongsistofeelthepowerofsolidarity,andinthiswaybecomeenlivened.Peopleliketobelongtosomething.Ratherthanseekingouridentityasmembersofanethnicgroup,anation,thehumanrace,oreventhewholeearth,weneedtounderstandthepsychologyof identifyingasservantsofKåñëa.

Butpleaseconsider,arewejustanotherreligioussectthatproclaims,“ourwayisthebestway”?Havewesimply joined“thecoolestreligion”?Wearingthemostuniqueclothes,makingdifferentmusic,eatingexoticfood—isthatwhatKåñëaconsciousnessisallabout?Inotherwords,isitjustadifferent cultural way of doing things? Sometimes people are attracted to Kåñëa consciousnessmainly because it’s different.That’s all right—somehowor other, come toKåñëa.Nevertheless, ifwe’re actually going toprogress indevelopingourbhakti,weneed to understand deeplywhat isdevotionalservice.WhyisidentifyingasaservantofKåñëathemostwondrousaffiliation?

Let’s thinkaboutAdvaitaÄcärya,asdescribed inCaitanya-caritämåta.Firstof all,withinHismind,HethinksofHimselfasLordCaitanya’sdevotee;then,withHiswords,Hesays,“I’maservantofLordCaitanya”;withHisbody,HeworshipstheSupremeLord;andwithalltheenergyofHislife,HepreachesthegloriesoftheLord.Thisisbhakti-bhäva—totalemotionalexpressionindevotionalservice that involves all aspects of our life. The material world is full of countless falseidentifications.Peoplehallucinate,“Iamthisethnicity,thisnationality.”Evenwhentheyclaimtobe a global citizen of planet earth, still they are wrong—they’ve burdened themselves with yetanothertemporarymaterialdesignation.Butwhenyouaffirm,“IamtheservantofKåñëa,”youhavefinallyfoundthetrue,eternalidentification,andtherefore,onthistruebasis,thetrueemotionscan

flow.

Please understand that everyone wants emotions to bubble happily from their heart. Everyhumanbeingwantstofeel fulfilledbygenuineemotionalexpression.Onceyouidentifyproperly,thenindeedthetrueemotionswillpourforth.ThedevoteesintheentourageofLordCaitanyawouldexpresstheiridentificationinecstaticmadness.Spontaneouslyjumpingupanddown,theywouldshout,“I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya!I’mtheservantofLordCaitanya!I’mtheservantofHisservant!”Isthismerelysomekindofartificial,contrivedmentalstate?No.It’sthedeepestandmostsubstantial reality of existence. Kåñëadäsa Kaviräja Gosvämé informs us that the origin of thisgenuineemotionisLordBalaräma.

If we’re going to emotionally develop properly, we must have devotional service. Throughdevotionalservice,adevoteeemotionallyprogresses.Getsomedevotionalserviceandputyourlifeandsoulintoit.SometimesÇrélaPrabhupädawouldsay,“Nevermindwhatserviceitis,justtakeonsome service andbecomevery attentive to thedetailsof its execution.”We shouldalways think,“Kåñëaiswatching—He’sseeinghowmucheffortwe’regiving,howcarefulweareinexecutingHisservice.”You’llfindthatnomatterwhatserviceyoudoforKåñëa,there’salwaysinnerpurificationinvolved.Throughthedevotionalservice,Kåñëareachesintoyourheart,sotospeak,andpurifiesit—renovatingitsemotionaldynamics.

Therefore every devotee needs to have something he can do for Kåñëa, some sacrifice. ÇrélaPrabhupäda,inspeakingofhisearlierhouseholdlife,explained,“Yes,Ihadafamily,abusiness,butIwasalwaysthinking,‘HowcanIdosomethingforKåñëa?’”Hedescribedthatasafamilyman,hislifewas always temple andDeity centered.Now,what did Çréla Prabhupäda’sGodbrothers thinkabouthimwhenhewasahouseholder?Doyouknow?Weretheythinkingheis thefuture jagat-guru—theonewho,fulfillingLordCaitanya’sprediction,willspreadKåñëaconsciousnessallovertheworld?No,theyweren’tthinkinglikethat.HehadGodbrotherswhowereseniortohimintermsof timewith theGauòéyaMath andGodbrotherswhowere sannyäsés leading some preaching inIndiayearsbeforePrabhupäda’sglobalmissionofbhaktibegan.ÇrélaPrabhupädawasahouseholder,withchildrenathome,abusinesstorun,andawifewholackedenthusiasmforspiritualdedicationbeyond the conventional religious piety of that era. Devotees who knew him thought, “AbhayCharan—verynicehouseholder,firstclass,alwaysreadytodonate,”buttheyneverfathomedthatinthefuturehewouldestablishkåñëa-bhaktioneverycontinentoftheworld.

BhaktisiddhäntaSarasvatéÖhäkura,ofcourse,knewthereality.Whenever temple leadersandsannyäséswouldsuggest tohimthatthenicehouseholder,AbhayCharan,begivenresponsibility,BhaktisiddhäntaSarasvatéÖhäkurawouldsay,“No,no—leavehimfornow.Intimehewilldotheneedful.”Consequently,whenÇrélaPrabhupädatookthemissionofhisguruandspreaditallovertheworld,youcanimaginehisGodbrothers’astonishment:“ThisistheAbhayCharanweusedtoknow as a householder, and now his disciples are calling him Çréla Prabhupäda!” Many of hisGodbrothers could never really adjust to the inconceivable expansion of Çréla Prabhupäda’sdevotionalservice.

The lesson we can learn from Çréla Prabhupäda’s earlier life is that, although he was ahouseholderandbusinessman,whateverhecoulddoforKåñëa,heputhiscompleteheartintoit—ashumbleservicetohisguru.Thissecretwehavetomaster,nomatterwhichofthefouräçramaswe’rein.EmbraceeveryserviceopportunityyougetasachancetoshowKåñëayoucare.Beveryeagertoputyourheartintoyourservice,andthenKåñëa,astheSupersoul,willnotice.

Weshouldnever think,“Oh,myservice issosmall that it’snot important.Others’ service ismuchmore important thanmine; therefore, no need for me to take mine so seriously.” True, adevoteealwaysthinks,“OthersareservingKåñëabetter.TheirservicetoKåñëaisbetterthanmine.”Nevertheless,conscientiousdevoteestakeanyserviceasanopportunitytoshowKåñëathattheyarethinkingofHispleasure.Sometimesthisdouble-edgedmentalitycanseemdifficulttocapture:ontheonehand,weappreciateotherdevoteesas renderingbetter service toKåñëa,buton theotherhand,weconsiderwhatever servicewehaveasa rare,God-givenopportunity forpleasingKåñëa,thereforethatserviceissoimportant.Devoteesfeelboththeseemotionalattitudessimultaneously.

Whylimitourprospectsbyconcluding,“IfonlyIhadthatdevotee’sserviceinsteadofwhatIhavenow,thenIwouldreallybededicated”?Tomaterialvision,thegrassalwayslooksgreenerontheotherside.Bhakti-yogaawardseveryonetheopportunitytodosomethingforKåñëa.Evenifyouhave toworkhardmost of theweek to support your family, still, discover some service you canregularlydo,andthenputyourheartintoit.Kåñëaunderstandsyoursituation.He’sinyourheart.Heknowshowyou’retryingtopleaseHim.HavingthisconfidenceinHim,wecanthenpushaheadwithdevelopingourbhakti-bhäva—theemotionalwealthofadevotee.

No better activities exist than what we’re doing in Kåñëa consciousness. The richness ofrenderingservicetoKåñëaisnotaboutmoneyorpossessions;it’sabouttheopulencesoftheheart.Nomatterwhatyoudo,ifyourheartisnotsatisfied,youwon’tthinkyourlifeisworthmuch.Howtobeaproperegotist?SimplyidentifyasKåñëa’sservant.Whenthisperfectandtrueegotisticalfeelingsufficientlyintensifies,itwillforceyoutodanceinecstasy.

Rememberwhattheavatarswant.KaviräjaGosväméwrites:“Alltheincarnationsareentitledtotheemotionsofdevotees.Thereisnohigherblissthanthis.”[Ädi6.111]InthepurportPrabhupädaelucidates: “All thedifferent incarnationsofViñëuhave the right toplay the rolesof servitorsofLord Kåñëa by descending as devotees.When an incarnation gives up the understanding of HisGodhoodandplaysthepartofaservitor,HeenjoysagreatertasteoftranscendentalmellowsthanwhenHeplaysthepartoftheSupremePersonalityofGodhead.”Whatbetterincentivecanwehavefor rendering devotional service? In material life people want to be God, consciously orunconsciously,butGodwantstobeadevotee.

ThepositionthatyouhaveasadevoteeofKåñëaisapositionthatKåñëaHimselfwants.ThatisthemysteryofLordCaitanya.He’sKåñëatastingthesweetnessofbeingHisowndevotee.ForLordKåñëa torelishHisownsweetness,Hehas toacceptbhakti-bhäva—theemotionsofadevotee.Heaccomplishes this desire as LordCaitanya.His associates,madwith happiness, declare, “We areservantsofLordCaitanya!”Just thinkaboutthat.Howdoyoubecomemadwithhappiness?ThiskindofemotionisonlyknownwithintheKåñëa-consciousworld.

Now,sufficientlypreparedIhope,we’llgototheforestsofVrajainthemiddleofthenight.Asthefullmoonshines,theself-sufficientandcompletePersonalityofGodheadrevealsHispleasurepastimes.Kåñëa,themostexpertenjoyer,hastakennoteofthesetting:themoon,theYamunäRiver,thebreezes, the flowers.Knowing that thisnight isperfect for loving reciprocation,HeplaysHisflute, attracting the gopés’ minds. Actually He becomes a thief, stealing their minds with Hismelodies; thereforeHe’sknownasManohara. Impossible to restrain, thegopés, themost beautifulwomeninexistence,rushouttotheforesttoreclaimtheirstolenproperty.

UponmeetingKåñëa,whatdotheyget?Hedecidestoimparttothemdharma-çikñä(lessonsinreligious behavior). Where is the young man who could do this? In the middle of the night,

secludedinaforest,surroundedbycountlessofthemostbeautifulwomeninexistencealleagertopleaseyou—couldyou,perfectlyserene,lectureonreligiousprinciplesandconcludebyinstructingtheladiestoreturnhome?Isthereanymanherethatcandothat?No.Totallyoverwhelmed,you’dstutter,“L-l-letm-m-m-e-e-es-s-s-peakabou-t-t-td-ddharma.Y-y-youm-m-mustl-l-leaven-n-now.G-g-go home,” as your mind flips and your senses go wild. Even Bhéñmadeva, the greatestbrahmacäré,admittedtothisincapability.Thoughapowerfulkñatriya,tosatisfyhisfatherhevowedcelibacyforallhislife.Astonishedthatsuchamightygeneralandmemberoftheroyalclasswouldmakesuchanextraordinarypromise,thedemigodsintheheavenlyplanetsshoweredflowersdownuponBhéñmadeva.ButthatsameBhéñmadeva,thecelebratedmodelofsense-control,whenhearingabout therasa-lélä,whatwas his response? “This scenario demonstrates thatKåñëa is indeed theSupreme Personality of Godhead,” he declared. “In those circumstances, I could never havecontrolled myself; but Kåñëa, after attracting them to the forest, then calmly instructed them toreturnhome.Certainly,therefore,HeisGod.”

Kåñëatoldthegopés,“ItdoesnotlookgoodthatyougirlsareherealonewithMeinthemiddleof the forest at night. You should be properwives to yourhusbands andpropermothers to yourchildren. Besides, the many fierce animals in the forest at night make it a dangerous place.”Obviouslythegopésdidn’twant tohearKåñëamoralize, thoughHisoratorywas scintillating.Thegopés, free from the slightest selfish desire, had run to the forest only to please Kåñëa—moralitypersonified.Consequently,asKåñëacontinuedtodeliverHissermon,theybegantolookawayattheskyandtheforest.Dosomeofyoudolikethis?Ifsomeoneistellingyousomethingyou’drathernothear,toindicateyourdispleasureyoustarttolookaway?Dotheydothis inRussia? [SMILES FILL THE

AUDITORIUM.]Your looking away is a gentle hint: “I don’t like what you’re saying.” So while Kåñëalecturedeloquently,thegopésglancedabout.Notingtheirwanderingeyes,Kåñëacommented,“Oh,nowIunderstandwhyyoucamehere.Youwanted tosee thenight-timebeautyof the forest.”Ofcourse,thatwasnotthecase;therefore,thegopésanxiouslyappealedtoKåñëafromthecoreoftheirhearts.

ÇukadevaGosvämé explains that,mercifully, Kåñëa agreed, “Alright, I will enjoywith you,”eventhoughKåñëaisätmäräma(self-satisfied).Pleaserememberthatpoint.TheLordisperfectlycomplete; therefore only He can be truly independent and self-sufficient. Although He’s self-satisfied,HeseekstopleaseHisdevotees.Hisaffectionateglancesuponthegopésmadetheirfacesblossom.Intherasa-maëòala(thecircleoftherasadance),Heisthemoonsurroundedbystars.TheBhägavatam, in presenting the rasa-lélä, refers to Kåñëa as acyuta. Why? First of all, there’sabsolutelynoquestionofHisfallingdownundermaterial influence.Afterall, thematerialenergybelongstoHim.Also,acyutameansHe’s infallible—themodesofnaturecannottouchKåñëa.Butalso—foryourinformation,foryourconfidenceandsecurityinreallove—youshouldknowthatthetermacyutahasanotheraspect.ItalsomeansthatHedidnotfailtogiveeachgopé transcendentalpleasure.Pleasemeditateonthatmeaningofacyuta.

Rememberwediscussedhoweveryone experiences love-insecurity?Yet, in rasa-lélä, you seeKåñëa is the perfect reciprocator who never fails in His intimate affairs. Each gopé received herperfectandfullexperienceoftranscendentalpleasure.Together,themoonandthestars(Kåñëaandthegopés)wanderedthroughtheforestatnight,asthegopéschantedHisname.Allthemusicalartsactuallyoriginate from therasalélä:dance,musical instruments, rhythms, rägas, songs. The gopéschantedKåñëa’sname,andKåñëasanginreciprocation.WhatwasKåñëasingingabout?Doyouwanttoknow?He’sthesuprememusician.DidyouknowthatwhenKåñëaandBalarämasingtogether,

Theycansimultaneouslysingall thenotesonthemusicalscale?Dowehaveanymusiciansherewhocandothat?HereisKåñëa,alonewiththegopés—He’ssingingaboutthebeautyofthemoon,themoonlight, and the YamunäRiver filledwith lotus flowers,while the gopés just chantHis name.Amidstthissupremeconcert,asKåñëawalksthroughthenightforest,Hisvaijayantégarlandswingsbackandforth.Hisgarland,thoughcomposedofflowersfromtheVåndävanaforest,actuallymakesthatforestevenmorebeautiful,becauseKåñëaiswearingthegarland.

Next,theeventstakeamysterious,perplexingturn.Itseemsthatthegopésbecameproud.Eachthought,“Iamthemostfortunatewomaninexistence—infact,Iamthebestwomaninexistence.Just see, Kåñëa is giving me such special attention.” What is this? At the height of spiritualexistence,pridestillappears?Wethought therasa-lélä is theperfectionofpurity, andnowwe’rehearingthatpridehasentered?Didanyofyoueverwonderwhyevidentlythegopésbecameproudifthey’reknowntobesopure?Howcouldthey?Howmanyofyouwonderedaboutthat?Yes,thoughit seems contradictory, let us remember we’re hearing of the all-perfect world of Kåñëa and HisemotionalexchangeswithHisdevotees.Theäcäryassaythattheirpride,whenyoulookdeepintothedetailsofit,wasactuallyprideinKåñëa:“We’resoproudthatKåñëaissoglorious.”Thispointisquitesubtle.

Moreover, there’sanotherdetailaboutthepridethatappeared.That is,evenifyouthinkthattherewasapridesomewhatlikematerialpride,stillyoushouldknowthattheso-calledpridewasarrangedbythelélä-çakti(Kåñëa’spastimepotency).Thatso-calledpridesetthestageforKåñëatogive thegreatestmercy toHisdearestdevotees,by leaving them. In thiswayHewill exhibitHisopulenceofrenunciationandsimultaneouslysetthestageforthegreatestfeelingsofloveofKåñëain separation. The lélä-sakti arranges Kåñëa’s pastimes; He doesn’t have to think about theirorchestration.

Thegreatest lesson in lovewas todawnin themiddleof thenight.So, theçästrasays itwasprasäda:toshowthegopésmercy,Kåñëaleftthem.Canyousaythattoyourbeloved?“I’mgoingtogiveyouthegreatestprasäda, thesuprememercy—I’mleavingyou.”Tryitsometimeandseetheresult.But theSupremePersonalityofGodheadcando this toHismaidservants. “I’mgivingyouprasäda—I’m leavingyoubecause itwillmake the lovebetweenus evenmore intense.”And thegopés are going to cry out pitifully, “We are Your maidservants. Please come back.” Kåñëadisappearedfromthem.TheyhadbeenwalkingwithKåñëa,embracingKåñëa,completelysharingpurelove.Notonetraceofmaterialmotivationordesiretingedthescene,butstillKåñëaleftthem.Nowastheywanderthroughtheforest,imitatingKåñëa’spastimes,theyaskthetrees,theyaskthebushes,“HaveyouseenKåñëa?HasKåñëapassedthisway?”

Next,wewitnesstheforemostexampleofscientificresearch.FollowingKåñëa’sfootprintsandanalyzing their import, the gopés reveal themselves as the greatest investigators, the greatestscientists.ObservingtheimpressionsofKåñëa’sfeetontheground,theycanreconstructwhatKåñëahas done. After all, the highest intelligence is simply meant for understanding Kåñëa. Kåñëa’sfootprints are very distinctive because His feet have nineteen symbols on their soles. In themoonlightofthemiddleofthenight,suddenlythegopésseethosespecialfootprintsthatindicatethesonofMahäräjaNanda.So,ofcoursetheybegintofollowthesefootprints.

Astheyproceeded,however,adisturbingrealizationsuddenlyaroseforsomeofthem.Closelyalongside Kåñëa’s footprints were someone else’s. The alarm sounded: “Who is this special onewalkinginthedarknesswithKåñëa?HowisShebetterthanus?CertainlyShemusthaveperfectly

worshipedtheSupremePersonalityofGodhead.ShesopleasedHimthatHeabandonedtherestofustowalkalonewithHer.”AtthispointintheBhägavatam,TenthCanto,ÇukadevaGosvämécannotrestrain his ecstasy. Viçvanätha Cakravarté Öhäkura points out that, although throughout theBhägavatam Çukadeva Gosvämé had successfully kept Rädhäräëé’s name hidden, now, from themoon of his mouth, the confidential illumination spontaneously beamed. Ärädhyate: the mostperfectworshiperofKåñëa.That’sascloseasyou’llseeÇrématéRädhäräëé’snameintheBhägavatam.CakravätiÖhakürasays thisärädhyateword is like the rumblingof akettledrumannouncing thegreatfortuneofthismostdeardevoteeofKåñëa.Moreover,Cakravätipädaadds,ÇukadevaGosvämé’scomingforthwithHername,eveninthisveiledway,isRädhäräëé’sbestowingHermercy.

Apparently,someofthegopésexpresseddisturbance:“WhyHer?”Others,however,externallyshowed jealousy, but actually were internally happy. The explanation is that there are differentcamps of devotees. The gopés in Rädhäräëé’s camp were happy inside for Her, although theyexternally expressed dismay: “How can She be alone with Kåñëa?” Those in the rival camp ofCandrävaléexpressedrealdispleasure,throughandthrough.Butremember,allemotionaldisplaysby Kåñëa’s associates are all cent percent exclusively for Kåñëa’s pleasure. I’ve given amundaneexamplebefore—maybesomeofyouremember.Askanymanherehowhewouldfeelifheheardthatsomebeautifulladiesarefightingoverwhowouldgainhisfavor,whowouldbetheonetobewithhim.Materiallyspeaking,whatmanherewouldnotrelishthat—inwardly,outwardly,orboth?Theman’sfalseegowouldexpandtotheedgesoftheuniverse.BoththefeignedaswellastherealdispleasureofthegopéswasjusttogiveKåñëapleasure,astheobjectofjealousrivalries.

Kåñëasatisfieseveryone.InLaghu-bhägavatämåta,RüpaGosväméexplainsthatKåñëaexpandsHimself,sothatduringthepastimes,He’snotonlywithRädhäräëé’sgroup,butalsoHe’sintheforestwithCandrävalé’sgroup.Nooneisevershort-changedintheirdealingswithKåñëa.Asalways,weseethatKåñëaisperfectinreciprocatinglove.HavenofeartoputKåñëainthecenterofyourlife—everyonegetsexactlywhattheyshouldhavefromHim.EvenwhenKåñëaleavesthegopés, they’regettingthebestgiftfromHim.Kåñëawantstomagnifytheirlovewithintensefeelingsofseparation.

As the gopés continue to analyze the footprints, the members of Candrävalé’s group offercommentary from theirperspective: “Kåñëa carriedRädhäräëé away inpure lust. IfHewas reallyinterestedinpurelove,Hewouldhavestayedwithus.”ThosegopésalliedwithÇrématéRädhäräëé,however,werejubilanttoknowKåñëawasalonewithHer.ThisrivalryamongtheyoungcowherdgirlsisallforKåñëa’spleasure.

The gopés’ perfect scientific investigation revealed further developments as they progressedthroughtheforestinthenight:“Herfootprintsaren’tthereanymore—Hemustbecarryinghernow.”Abitfurtherahead,observingtheimprintsindicatingKåñëa’sfeethadpresseddeepintotheground,thegopésconcludedthattheweightofthegopéonHisshoulderwasheavyforHim.“Andnowlookatthis,” theyexclaimed. “WecandiscernexactlywhathappenedbecausehereHis footprints revealonly the front portion ofHis feet on the ground.Obviously,He putHer downwhileHewent togatherflowers.NodoubtHewasstandingonHistoestopickflowersfromahighplace.”FurthermarksonthegroundevidencedthatKåñëahadsatdownwithHer.Bothfacingthesamedirection,ShesatbetweenHiskneesandHeputflowersinHerhairlikeacrown.

Suddenlythespecialgopé’sfootprintsdisappeared.“Wedon’tseeanymoresignsthatShe’swithKåñëa.Weknowwhathappened—Shemusthavebecomeproud,thinking,‘Mybelovedhasrejectedallothergopés.Eventhoughthey’redrivenbyCupid,HehaschosentoreciprocatewithMeonly.’”

Thesearchinggopésintuited,“ShemusthavetoldLordKeçava, ‘Mydearlybeloved,Icannotwalkanyfarther.PleaseputMeonYourshoulderandtakeMewhereverYoulike.’MostlikelyKåñëasaid,‘Yes,comeonmyshoulder,’andthenHesuddenlydisappeared,leavingHerinutterlamentation.”The gopés,walking onward, discovered that their insight was actually correct. They came uponÇrématéRädhäräëé,andSheconfirmedtothemthesequenceofnocturnalevents.

Through these happenings, Kåñëa was arranging to intensify the love of His devotees.Rädhäräëé, lamenting as if She has faults, cries out to Her Çyämasundara with an extraordinaryprayerdeclaringherstatusasamaidservantofKåñëa:

hänätharamaëapreñöhakväsikväsimahä-bhujadäsyästekåpaëäyämesakhedarçayasannidhim

“Omaster,Omy lover,Odearmost,where areYou?Where areYou?PleaseOmighty-armed,Ofriend, showYourself toMe,Yourpoor servant.” [Çrémad-Bhägavatam10.30.39] In theCaitanya-caritämåta,KaviräjaGosväméteachesus:“Justseethebhakti-bhäva.Eveninmädhurya-rasa,inthemiddleof the forest, in themiddleof thenight, thereare theemotionsofbeingKåñëa’s servant.”Remember our theme:Who is there in the material and spiritual world that doesn’t have theseemotionsofbeingKåñëa’sservant?Pleasenotethatthere’snoquestionofthetiniestfaultonbehalfofÇrématéRädhäräëé.Later inCaitanya-caritämåta, the author explains that thenatureof ecstaticloveforKåñëaissuchthatthedevoteealwaysthinksheorshehasnoloveforKåñëaatall.ButthereisafurtherpointthatIwouldlikeyoutoconsider.SomeofyoumaybethinkingthatthedearestdevoteeofKåñëa,ÇréRädhä,iscryingoutforHerself,forHerownbenefit.Hänätharamaëapreñöha.No,themostexpertdevoteeatpleasingKåñëa,She’scryingouttobewithHimforservice.Afterall,how can self-sufficient Kåñëa fully be happy without Her, the crest jewel of His own internalpotency?

TheBattleWiththeEnvy

Monster

We’ve been discussing a subject that can appear somewhat difficult: emotional expression as aservantofKåñëa.Yesterday,adevoteecommentedtomethatoftendevoteesignoretheiremotionsbecause they think all emotions are materially contaminated. Of course you can ignore youremotions,butstillthey’rethere.Therefore,theessentialquestionishowtoexpressandfeelspiritualemotionsevenwhilewithinthematerialworld.Williteverhappentoyouorme?Don’texpectthatsuddenly one day your spiritual emotions will manifest; generally we should expect a gradualdevelopment,inthesamewaythatafruitgraduallyripens.ThatmeanseveninthebeginningstageofyourKåñëaconsciousness,youcanlookforthefirstsprout.Then,aswebecomemorepurified,ouremotionsblossom.

Howtobegin?YouknowKåñëa’sexplanationinBhagavad-gétäabouthowattachmentdevelopsfromcontemplating the senseobjects, and thennextcomes lust, andwhen, as always, lust isnotcompletelyfulfilled,angerarises.Sowhatareyougoingtodoaboutlustandanger?They’rebothverypowerfulhumandrives;indeed,theyarethefoundationofcurrenthumansociety.Narottamadäsa Öhäkura instructs us to spiritualize lust and anger, revealing to us complete hope for ouremotions.Feel the lust towant that everything in thisworld isusedproperly forKåñëa’s service.Moreover,becomeconstructivelyandcarefullyangryifKåñëaorHisdevoteeisoffended,maligned.

Recallhowyoufeelwhensomepersonssmearacloseassociateofyours.Weallhavebeeninsuchasituation.Whensomeonedeartoyouisbeingwronglyaccusedorcondemned,whatisyourfirst reaction?You rush to thedefenseof thatbelovedassociate: “No, it’snot like that; youdon’tunderstand.You’rewrong.” If the personpersistswith the defamation, youbecome angry. In thesametactfulway,youcanbecomedisturbedwhenpeopleoffensivelydistortKåñëaorHisdevotee.Certainly this spiritual anger doesn’t mean you wage a fundamentalist so-called holy war. No.Following the footsteps of Lord Caitanya, you powerfully teach and distribute the knowledge of

Kåñëa,thinking,“HowcanpeoplesogrosslymisunderstandKåñëatothedegreethatsomeofthembecome offensive? Letme domy best to educate theworld in the science of Kåñëa.”When youlovinglyappreciatesomeone,notonlydoyoubecomeprotective,butalsoyouwanttospreadthatperson’sglories.

Next,howtocopewithenvy?Sometimesdevoteessayitistheoneemotionyoucan’tengageinKåñëa’sservice.Inthespiritualworldthereissomethingthatseemstoresembleenvy,butbecauseithasacompletelydifferentcompositionfrommaterialenvy,sometimeswesaythereisnoenvythere.In the spiritual world, purely for Kåñëa’s pleasure, His consorts manifest a sort of envy of oneanother. But they’re doing it simply to give Kåñëa enjoyment. I’ve explained before that, in thematerialworld,menrelishwhenladiesvieandcompeteforthem.Hasanymanhereeverhadthatexperience? [SOME RAISE THEIR HAND.] It really expands your false ego, doesn’t it? “Just seehow they’requarreling over me! I’m really sensational!” Didn’t you feel like that? And you told all youradmiringmenfriendsofyourgoodfortune,right?“Thoseladiesarefightingoverme!Howgreatisthis!”Kåñëaisthesuprememale.Inthespiritualworld,thegopésknowthatKåñëacanenjoywhentheyvieforHim,sotheydoit.Kåñëa’ssatisfactionisalwaysone-hundredpercentinthecenter.

Nowwhatdoesanaspiringdevotee,inthematerialworld,dowithenvy?Thatgenerallymeansenvyofotherdevotees. It’samazinghowthatenvycanarise, isn’t it?Youseesomeotherdevoteebeingglorified,youseesomeotherdevoteegettingmorerecognitionthanyouandyoufeeltheenvywellingupinside.Naturally,asinceredevoteeabhorsthiscontaminationandwondershowtodealwith it. Çréla Prabhupäda gives a very interesting cure—it’s brilliant spiritual psychology. Heexplained that envy actually is a perverse form of appreciation:we only envy someonewho hassomethingbetteror isdoingsomethingbetter.Thinkaboutit.Haveyouenviedsomeoneinabadsituation?You’ve seen someone seriously ill or in an extremelydifficult relationshipor in severefinancialcrisis,andyoublurtout,“Oh,howIenvyyou!”Ofcoursenot!Thetargetofourenvyisalwayssomeonewhoinsomewayexcels.Therefore,actuallyyou’reappreciatingthatperson,butinaveryindirect,distortedway.“Thisdevotee’sdevotionalserviceisbetterthanmine.Thisdevotee’slifeismoreKåñëaconsciousthanmine.”

Infull-blownmaterialism,thelogicaloutcomeofenvyisthattheenvieractivelyseekstodragdowntheenviedone.True, in the ISKCONworldwidesociety,weareall inneedofpurification;still,wehopethatrarelywouldsomeonegothatfar—towageacampaignagainstamoreadvanceddevotee.Usually,envyamongdevoteesdoesn’tgofurtherthanourmentallyorverballyminimizingadevoteewithmorebhakti.Younoticehowyourminddoesthat?“Yes,thisdevoteehasdoneniceserviceandothersglorifyhimorher,butIknowheorshe’sgotsomefaults—Iknow.”Thematerialmindandfalseegoconstantlyseektofindsomewaytobringothersdownandusup.

Hasiteverhappenedinyourdevoteecommunitythateveryoneglorifiedadevoteeandyoufeltsortofleftout?What’sattherootofthisfeeling?Thematerialcoreisourfearofbeingneglectedandunloved.Beneathourenvyisthefeelingthatnooneispayingattentiontous,nooneiscaringforusandourglories.Inotherwords,attherootofourenvyisinsecurity.Thisrealityisahardthingtoface,especiallyformen.Mostladieswillreadilyadmit,“Yes,Iamfeelinginsecure.”Whenladiesfeelinsecurity,theywavetheflagandsoundthealarminsomanywaysuntiltheappropriatepersongets thehint.Mainly they’re saying, “Paymeattention,payattention tome, treatmeas special.”Men,thoughtheyseldomadmitit,alsocanfeelinsecure.Amanalwayswantstofeelconfident,incontrol,withhis abilities recognized. So the envyof others comes fromadeep feeling that, “I’m

missing something, and theotherdevoteehas it.That devotee is getting attention, affection, andrecognition—all inshortsupply—butI’mnotreceivingmydue.What’smore,he’sevengotmorecontrol and influence than me—what true man can tolerate that?” Subconsciously, we becomehostiletowardtheenvieddevotee,asifheorsheissoakingupalltheavailableresourcesofdevoteeappreciation thus creating an ISKCONwide scarcity. Therefore, at the root of envy is a heartproblem.Everyonelongstofeelappreciated,lovedandcaredfor.Sotheenvymeans:numberone,you’reindirectlyappreciatingtheotherperson;numbertwo,you’reinsecureaboutyourself.Canyouunderstandthat?

Now, how do you battle with the envy monster? First, we should accept a basic reality inISKCON—there’ll always be someone, somewhere, more advanced than you and someone lessadvanced.ThroughoutyourwholeKåñëaconsciouslifetime,thiswillbethesituation;consequently,youmightaswellgetusedto it—it’s thewaythingsaregoingtobe.Sometimesanolderdevoteestartstothink,“NowIhavereachedthetopofthepile.I’vebeeninKåñëaconsciousnesssomanyyears.Othershavewitheredonthevine,butI’mstillhere,freshandjuicy.Everyonehastorespectmebecausetheyareallmyjuniors.Iamtheoldestpersoninthetemplecommunity.”Evenifyoubelong to a small temple in the middle of nowhere, still you feel, “I am the oldest devotee inTiraspol…I’mtheseniorVaiñëavaofMurmansk.”(Goahead—check online to see how remote suchplacesare.)Andyoubecomeattachedtothatsenseofhonorandself-esteem.Whattospeakofifyoubecome the oldest devotee in a big city like Kiev orMoscow: “I’ve been humble for twenty-fiveyears.Allthearrogantdevoteeshavegoneaway...nowinthishugemetropolisonlythebestisleft—me!” At last you don’t have to acknowledge that any devotee is better—what a relief! At lasteveryonehasnootherchoicebuttoappreciateandglorifyeverythingyoudo.

Incaseanyofyouthinktobecomeasannyäsi,thisiswhythatäçramacanbedifficult—itcanbringonmuchformalityandpride.Iopinethatthebestäçramaisbrahmacäré—thestationofthemenialservant.Nevertheless, forthesakeofspearheadingthepreaching,especially indifficultorremote areas, somedevotees take sannyäsa. But as soonas you think, “Aha,now I am sannyäsi...bringme all themahäprasäda formy selection... bowdown.”When you start getting that sort ofattitude,you’refinished.

Yousee,whatI’mtryingtopinpointisthatthereisacontaminated,materialtendencytothinkthegoalofbhaktimeans,“I’montop.”Recognizewehavethismaterialcontamination:“WhenI‘mabove all, there’ll be no problems—no temple presidents or other leaders—Iwon’t even need acounseloranymore!LetmegettoapositioninlifewhereIdon’thavetolistentoanyoneandIgetallthehonor.”Whetherweareyoungorolddevotees,sometimesit’sdifficulttoseethisinourheartbecauseit’sthenaturaltendencyoftheconditionedsoul.

WeareinthismaterialworldbecauseweareenviousofKåñëa.That’swheretheenvyproblembegins.Sowhathappened inouroriginal spiritualposition?Whydidwe leave it?Whatwasourpsychologyormentality?TounderstandhowwecouldleaveKåñëa’sassociationisdifficulttograspwithamindformattedbytimeandspace.Oftenthequestioncomes,“IfwewerewithKåñëa,whyweren’twesatisfied?Howcouldweleave?”It’snotthatyoueverbecametiredofKåñëa,Prabhupädaexplains, but that at some point in your spiritual existence, you thought, “Maybe I should trysomething else.” For example, if everyday you’re eating buckwheat porridge, one day you maybecome curious about halavä. You’re satisfied with the buckwheat, but think, “Today I’d likesomething different.” In this way Çréla Prabhupäda explains that the situation of our entering

illusionisnotoneofdissatisfactionwithKåñëa,butofourdesiringtoimitateKåñëa.“Iwonderwhatit’sliketobeHim?Iwonderwhatit’sliketodowhatHedoes?”Sinceit’snotpossibletofulfillthatdesireanywhereelsebutinthematerialworld,hereweare.ThedesiretoimitateKåñëaiswhatputsthedriver’skeytothematerialworldinourhand.Herewedreamthatwe’redoingwhatKåñëadoes.Actually,ofcourse,wecanneversuccessfullyimitateKåñëa,norcanweeverbeseparatedfromHim.Butinadreamwerompasifwe’reawayfromKåñëa.

CanyouunderstandhowitispossiblethateventhoughyouwerenottiredofKåñëa,stillyouwanted to tryout somethingelse?Here’s aprovocativeexample thatmayhelpusunderstand thepsychologyof theoriginalcontamination.Considermarriedmenwhocheaton theirwives. If thewifeeverfindsout,whatistheman’sfirstlineofdefense?“It’snotthatIdon’tloveyou,”hetellshiswife,“Iwashavingsomequickamusementontheside.HowcouldyouthinkIdon’tloveyou?She’snothing—just a party girl; you are the real thing.” Theman actually becomes offended that hisdeepestmotivationsandsinceritycouldbequestioned.“HowdareyouthinkIdon’tloveyou!LookatallthethingsI’vedoneforyou—I’veworkedsohardforthefamilyandgivenyouallmymoney!”Bewilderedthatshecan’taccepthisdalliancewiththeotherwomanasameredropcomparedtotheocean that is his relationshipwith his wife, he pleads, “How dare you think such a short-lived,casualflingmeansIdon’tcareforyouanymore!Forgetthatindiscretion...itwasjustsomethingthathappenedsuddenly,physically.Youknowhowmenare.”Andhowdoestheladyfeel?“Howcouldyoudothistome?Howcouldyoutreatmelikedirt,cheatingme,devastatingmytrust,betrayingmylove?”Still,themanbegs,“You’retakingitalltooseriously.Thatone-offaffairhasnothingtodowithyouandme!”Neithersidecanunderstandeachother.Sothereisanexample,thoughcertainlymaterial, abouthowsentientbeingscanhaveanotherdesirewhile thinking they’remaintainingamajorrelationshipproperly.

WebecameenviousofKåñëa.That is,wewantedtodoasHedoes.That’snosmall, innocenterror;toaccomplishthatillusion,wehadtoentertherealmofillusion.EnvyofKåñëaisattherootofallourpsychologicalproblems.“WhyshouldKåñëabeserved?Whataboutmeandmy senses?WhysomuchgloryforKåñëa?EverythingisforandaboutKåñëa,Kåñëa,Kåñëa!Who’spraisingme,servingme,pamperingme?”

HareKrsna.Thankyouverymuch.