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Mark Meader Senior Loan Officer PHH Home Loans 4505 White Bear Parkway White Bear Lake, MN 55110 651-653-7667 NMLS #47763

Personal Column

Over the Christmas holiday my daughter Mandy came home from college for the first time since she started. She is going to college in California. It was wonderful having everyone together again. Michael got the chance to catch up with Mandy and show her several magic tricks he has learned. He recently began learning magic and he has gotten really good at it. Professional kind of magic not kids stuff. After enjoying almost three weeks of Mandy being home it was time for her to fly back to California. The flight was scheduled to depart at 10:20 AM. We got to the airport at about 8:00, checked her in and hung out at the Starbucks on the baggage claim area. We got her through security at about 9:30, plenty of time. Driving home I got a call from her. She missed the flight. What? They moved the flight up an hour to 9:20. When the airline says to check your flight the day before they mean it. None of us bothered to check the flight schedule board at the airport. We all just assumed the ticket was still correct. The next flight departed at 7:55 that night. She had to hang out at the airport all day. She spent three of those hours watching the Vikings lose to the Seahawks. But she said the wait wasn’t too bad. Of course the luggage did make the correct flight at 9:20. Fortunately she found that luggage when she landed in California.

Better Than Fences For 40 years, two friends lived on adjoining farms, separated by a wide creek. One day the friends began to fight over a petty thing and their long friendship fell apart. The misunderstanding grew into bitter words and finally, silence.

Weeks later there was a knock on John's door. He opened it to find a man with a carpenter's toolbox. "I'm looking for a bit of work," said the carpenter.

"I have a job for you," said John. "Look across the creek at that farm. That's my neighbor, Albert. We used to be good friends, but that’s all over now.” John’s face twisted into a dejected frown. “See that pile of lumber by the barn? I want you to take that lumber and build me a tall fence, so I won't see his place anymore."

The carpenter said, "I think I understand the situation. Show me the nails and the post-hole digger and I'll do a job that pleases you." John helped the carpenter get the materials ready, and then he went into town, leaving the carpenter to his job.

The carpenter worked hard all that day, and at sunset, the farmer returned. When he saw the work, his jaw dropped.

There was no fence there at all. Instead, there was a bridge stretching from one side of the creek to the other. And coming across, his hand outstretched, was Albert.

"You are quite a fellow to build this bridge after all I've said and done," called Albert.

The two friends met in the middle, shaking each other's hand. They turned to see the carpenter hoisting his toolbox on his shoulder. "No, wait! Stay a few days. I've got other projects for you," said John.

"I'd love to stay on," the carpenter said, "but, I have more bridges to build."

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REFERRALS ARE THE ♥♥♥♥ OF OUR BUSINESS!

♦♦♦♦ Accident Report

♦♦♦♦ Next Time You Log Into Your Dashboard...

♦♦♦♦ She Knows The Score

♦♦♦♦ Drawbacks Of Working In A Cubicle All Day

♦♦♦♦ Are You An Adult Yet?

♦♦♦♦ Bizarre News

♦♦♦♦ Poorly Written Doctor’s Reports

♦♦♦♦ Schools Are Helping Kids Lose Weight

♦♦♦♦ Why Do I Have An Escrow Account Shortage?

♦♦♦♦ Don’t Stop Fidgeting

♦♦♦♦ Comedy Column

♦♦♦♦ Personal Column

INSIDE THIS ISSUE

Check out our website www.MarkMeader.com

"When I was born I was so surprised I

didn't talk for a year and a half." --Gracie Allen

A commercial property owner has three shops in a row, all for rent. The first prospective lessee shows up, and says he wants to rent the shop on the left. The owner says, "Fine, what kind of shop do you have?" The guy says, "A men's wear shop." The owner tells him he gets free signage and asks what he wants on the sign. "Men's Wear," says the man. A second guy comes along and wants to rent the right hand shop. When asked he says he wants "Men's Wear" on his sign. The owner tells him that the left hand shop will be the same. "No problem," says the man. Finally a third man comes along to rent the middle shop. The owner is most concerned because this guy also has a men's wear shop. Rather wearily the owner asks him what he wants on his sign. The guy replies: "Entrance."

As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked..."

From the rail of a cruise ship one passenger can see a bearded man on a small island who is shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is that?" the passenger asked a passing deck steward. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass by, he goes nuts."

A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do. My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine. He doesn't put anything in its place, I am always going around the house organizing things." The friend says, "Take a tip from me. The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly, 'Every glass and plate that you take, wash when you are done and put back in its place.'" The first woman asked, "Did it help?" Her friend said, "I don't know. I haven't seen him since."

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 3 women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one in the middle." "That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?" "Because I don't like her."

As a jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, roughly 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth 50,000 years ago at about 40,000 miles an hour, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." The lady sitting next to me exclaimed: "Wow, look! It just missed the highway!"

Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "We're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith" the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"

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Accident Report

I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number three of the accident reporting form, I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more and I trust that the following details are sufficient:

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I discovered that I had about 500 pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the side of the building at the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at the ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to insure a slow descent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 11 of the accident reporting form that I weigh 135 pounds. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rather rapid rate up the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming down. This explains the fractured scull and broken collarbone. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately, by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope in spite of my pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground - and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Devoid of the weight of the bricks, the barrel now weighed approximately 50 pounds. I refer you again to my weight in block number 11. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent down the side of the building.

In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles and lacerations of my legs and lower body. The encounter with the barrel, slowed me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell onto the pile of bricks and fortunately, only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, that as I lay there on the bricks in pain, unable to move, and watching the barrel six stories above - I again lost my presence of mind.

I let go of the rope!

Next Time You Log Into Your Dashboard… You might be interested to know that the term dashboard originally had nothing to do with a control center for a car or web page. It had no dials, buttons, or gauges. In fact, it was little more than a piece of wood or flap of leather. The meaning of dash being referred to, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is the “violent throwing and breaking of water or other liquids upon or against anything.” Think of the painter dashing gobs of paint against a canvas. A dashboad was a wooden board, or a leather apron, placed at the front of a carriage to catch mud or water being dashed up by the horses’ hooves, keeping it from soaking the driver and passengers. We would now call that a mudguard. As carts evolved into cars, a windscreen (windshield) was put in place above the dashboard, and the latter became a handy place to put instruments. But it kept its name.

She Knows The Score

A husband made a resolution that this year on New Year’s Day, instead of the annual argument with his wife, he’d eat a relaxed dinner with the family and even linger over dessert before retiring to the family room to watch the football game. He was as good as his word, and soon his wife joined him, bringing him a cold beer and thanking him with a kiss on the cheek. She asked him what the score was, and the husband said, “End of the third quarter, and the score is nothing to nothing.” “See?” she smiled. “You haven’t missed a thing.”

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LAST NEWSLETTER QUIZ ANSWER

Question: Approximately how many turkeys are consumed in the United States on Thanksgiving?

Answer: 46 Million Congratulations to: Dick & Maggie Strenke and Margo & John King for being this months quiz question winners. They have each received a $30 gift card for Olive Garden Restaurant

Others who called or e-mailed in the correct answer included: Barb Johnson, Dave Pizza, Sonya Lofquist, Mary Ann Karrick, Rosemarie Burke, Eileen Ramse, Norma Flaherty, Becky Potthoff, Jenna Hartung, Bonnie DuBois, Ray Siebenaler, Evie Miller, Teresa Myers, Sharon Kruse, Paula Herr, Dave & Traci Enger, Ben Brand, John Trenti, Mary Kupfer, Dan & Sally Wenker, Mark Wenger, Jeff Carpenter, LuAnn Stelter and Jerry Ferguson

Why Do I Have An Escrow Account Shortage?

You will have a shortage in your escrow account when the county raises your property taxes or the insurance company raises the cost of your insurance. Insurance premiums have been going up significantly in the last couple of years. Make sure to pay attention to the cost of your homeowners policy. We have been seeing some policies almost double in cost over the last couple of years. The property taxes are another common cause of an escrow shortage. Especially in a market of rising home values. Home values in the twin cities have been rising for the last 3 years now. Property tax increases will cause a larger than expected shortage in your escrow account because of the way the lender is notified. The county raises your property tax on January 1st, however the lender is not aware that the property taxes went up until they re-ceive the bill from the county in early April. Then by law they have to give you proper notice of the shortage so they send you an escrow shortage notice that will change the payment in July. By that time you are 7 months short on the increase in the property taxes. Be aware when you receive your “proposed property tax statement” in November of any increase in the taxes. If the property taxes are going to go up prepare for an escrow shortage. Also pay attention to the insurance policy premium. If it is going up then you house payment will go up as well.

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Are You An Adult Yet?

Do you remember the first time you felt you’d really become an adult? A UK survey of 2,000 people, 18 and older, found that the average age people start to consider themselves to be adults is 29 years old. A large number of people also used lifestyle cues to determine when they felt like they’d become adults. Here are some of those results:

• Buying a home 64%

• Having children 63%

• Getting married 52%

• Having a pension 29%

• Getting life insurance 21%

• Hosting first dinner party 18%

Things Mom Would Never Say

1. "How on Earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

2. "Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."

3. "Just leave all the lights on... it makes the house look more cheery."

4. "Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."

5. "Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."

6. "Well, if Billie's mamma says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

7. "The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

8. "I don't have a tissue with me... just use your sleeve."

9. "Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve."

Drawbacks Of Working In A

Cubicle All Day

* Not being able to check E-mail attachments without first seeing who's behind you.

* The walls are too close together for the ham-mock to work right.

* Prison cells are not only bigger, they have beds.

* When you quit and walk out, there's no door to slam.

* Being told to "think outside the box" when you're in a freakin' box all day long.

* 23 power cords - 1 outlet.

* The carpet has been there since 1976 (or older) and shows more signs of life than your coworkers.

* If you talk to yourself it causes all the sur-rounding cubicle inhabitants to pop their heads over the wall and say, "What? I didn't hear you."

* You always have the feeling that someone is watching you, but by the time you turn to look they're gone.

Mark Meader

Pot Calls The Kettle Black

There was a farmer who regularly sold a pound of butter to a baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if the farmer was honestly giving him a full pound of butter. He found that he was not. This angered the baker and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer how he was measuring the butter. The farmer replied, Your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, I have no scale, but I do have a balance. I regularly buy a pound of bread from the baker. So whenever he brings the bread, I put it on the balance and give him the same weight in butter."

Don’t Stop Fidgeting Do you have a hard time sitting still at work? Do you find yourself unconsciously tapping your foot or playing with your pen? Don’t fight the urge! A British study has found evidence suggesting that fidgeting at your desk may actually be good for your health. The UK Women’s Cohort Study divided thousands of participants into three groups based on how much they fidgeted—low, middle, and high. Those in the “low” group, who sat while working for seven hours, were found to have a mortality risk 30 percent higher than those who spent the same amount of time seated, but who fidgeted at middle or high levels. This suggests that fidgeting may help to compensate for the health risks of sitting still in one’s chair for long periods of time. The data seems to support the advice that moving around even a little throughout your day can have positive health benefits, and may even help you live longer.

THIS MONTH’S QUIZ QUESTION

Question: How many head coaches have there been in Minnesota Vikings franchise history?

All correct answers will be placed in a hat and two names will be

drawn. Those names drawn will win a $30 gift card to the Olive

Garden Restaurant. Watch for your name in the newsletter next

month! 651-653-7667. Mark@MarkMeader.com

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"Good judgment comes from experience, and

often experience comes from bad judgment."

--Rita Mae Brown

"Being a woman is a terribly difficult task since it

consists principally in dealing with men."

--Joseph Conrad

Bizarre News Thanks to the following folks for referring

our service recently!

Danna Feldmann Shauna Cronk Melissa Jones John Charais James Sanchez Steve Carrigan John Mann Rick Estes Teri Eckholm Sylvia Maietta

Craig Van Ausdall Don Wolkerstorfer John Haselman Cathy Carchedi Alexia Campbell Jack Bendele Sandy Espe Sorenson Terry Jon Hantho Ron Mikolai Aaron VanHouten Lori Matthews

Fred Falk Ole Olson Chris Dubose Lauri Schafer Jay Coleman Donnie Brown Jim Prescott Wendy Kaarto Autumn Mattson Bob Boyce Choua Xiong

Happy One Year Anniversary The following folks have been in their

new home for one year!

Andy and Andrea Ueland James (Rusty) & Kim Williams Dan Lipschultz & Zhelin Yang Terry Jenister & Vicki Stoll Ben and Katrina Sparks Debbie & Jim Petersen Todd & Connie Nordell April Sheldahl & Sandy Langseth Marshall & Nichole Hood Shelley & Artie Foster Ryan & Jennifer Crouse Kimberley & Guy Aki

Ben Theis Cindy Nguyen Mike Knutson Jan & Dennis Hughes Lynn & Ron Morris Jon & Beth Hamer Gordy Greven Cody Gieseke Brit & Erica Bieniek Audrey Alban

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ST. CLOUD, MN - A Minnesota woman was arrested after biting a piece of her husband's ear off during an argument regarding beer. Jamie Elrod, 37, was arrested and charged with first degree assault after police entered her home, finding overturned furniture, blood and a piece of her husband's ear. The victim originally claimed that the ear was injured during a fight downtown, but later told police that the two were arguing over a beer when Elrod followed him into the bedroom and attacked him. Elrod was believed to have been drinking and had no recollection of the attack when asked about her husband's ear.

AVILLA, IN- Authorities in Indiana said a dog "ironically and aptly named Trigger" stepped on his owner's hunting shotgun and shot her in the foot. The Indiana Department of Natural Resources said Allie Carter, 25, of Avilla was hunting waterfowl at Tri-County Fish and Wildlife Area Saturday when she set her 12-gauge shotgun on the ground by her feet. The DNR report said Carter's 10-year-old chocolate Labrador, "which is ironically and aptly named Trigger," then stepped on the gun, causing it to fire. Carter was taken to a local hospital with injuries to her left foot and toes. She was transferred to a hospital in Fort Wayne and later released. "It was just an accident that occurred and just to serve as a stark reminder of some of the safety measures we should take," Indiana Conservation Officer Jonathon Boyd told WBND-TV. Boyd said Carter had not completed a hunting safety course. He recommended all hunters complete one of the DNR's free courses.

TOMBSTONE, AZ - A Wild West gunfight reenactment in Tombstone, Ariz., got a little too realistic when a performer fired off a live round that struck another actor. The Cochise County Sheriff's Office said the Tombstone Vigilantes gunfight reenactment group was putting on a street performance Sunday when group member Tom Carter fired off a live round that struck Ken Curtis in the upper groin area. Investigators said Carter had arrived late for the event and his gun was not inspected to make sure it was loaded with blanks. The sheriff's office said they examined Carter's gun and determined he had fired off five live rounds during the performance. A woman standing in front of the Bird Cage Theater during the reenactment was injured by shrapnel from one of Carter's shots, but she declined medical treatment. Curtis was taken to Banner-University Medical Center for surgery to remove the bullet. The Tombstone Vigilantes were ordered by the town's mayor to cease performances until it could be verified that only blank ammunition would be used during the reenactments.

JIAOZUO, CHINA- Tourists on China's recently-opened glass walkway on a cliff face 3,540 feet above the ground ran for their lives when a visitor's mug cracked the glass. The walkway on Yuntai Mountain in Henan Province, which opened to the public in September, is closed for repairs after a tourist dropped a stainless steel mug Monday and the cup's impact cracked one of three layers of glass on a section of walkway, Yuntai Mountain Scenic Spot officials confirmed. Witnesses said on social networking site Weibo the damage was more severe than indicated by officials, who said one layer of glass was merely cracked. Witnesses said a plate of glass had instead shattered in a "floral" pattern, but remained intact. The broken glass sent tourists screaming and running for their lives to get off the walkway, but officials said the tourists were never in any danger during the incident. They said the two remaining layers of glass would have been sufficient to support the weight of the visitors.

ANGLETON, TX- The family of a 12-year-old Texas girl who has been sneezing up to 20 times per minute for the past month said doctors are stumped by the condition. Angleton resident Katelyn Thornley,12, said her sneezing fits began about a month ago and she has since been sneezing up to 20 times per minute -- about 12,000 times per day. "I'm constantly in pain with my abdomen, my legs are hurting because I've been weak and I can barely eat," Thornley told KTVT-TV. The girl's parents said they have taken her to six different physicians, who ruled out allergies and viruses as a cause of the nonstop sneezing. They said stress appears to make the condition worse. "Anything you talk to her about that irritates her -- you can see it spike and continuous sneezing," Thornley's father told KRIV-TV. "It's easy to trigger." Thornley said she takes Benadryl to help her sleep at

night. "Sometimes I wish I could leave my body for a little while so i could watch myself sleep and be at peace because even in my dreams, I sneeze," she said. Page 4

Yuntai Mountain Walkway

Poorly Written

Doctor's Reports

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it disappeared completely.

3. The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing decrepit 99 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

10. Patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in the ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our Car for physical therapy.

20. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

21. Skin: Somewhat pale but present.

22. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Schools Are Helping

Kids Lose Weight In order to reduce the weight of students who are considered obese or overweight, school districts are increasingly teaching kids how to monitor their heart rates, and use pedometers and other technological gadgets. Gone are the days of climbing up ropes and racing to some sort of finish line. These days, students learn about math, science and health during their gym classes, an approach that kills two birds with one stone: It gets them in shape and it teaches them subjects outside the usual classroom. The shift in such teaching is in response to a study this year by the national Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that showed 15% of children ages six to 19 are overweight.

"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to

tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs."

--Samuel Goldwyn