bereavement counseling and the process of grief
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BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING AND THE PROCESS OF GRIEF
These are some key stages and feelings that come up for an individual, a family, a nation when
encountering the process of dying, death, loss and major change. This is simply a guideline. No
two people grieve the same,
and no two people grieve for the same time period. The process of grief
does not happen in a linear fashion or from 1-10. The process is cyclical
and manifest in many different ways. It is a process as unique as an
individual person. This is a guideline. The process of grieving is a very sacred time and must be
honored individually. A facilitator or therapist in assisting in the process of grief is
there to hold a space for healing and created a safe place for feelings to be expressed and explored. This needs to be done in a non-judgmental
way and in a way that honors the individual's inner process. Many times
it is beneficial for the person grieving to ask for support and to ask for
that support in specific ways. The individual, family or group grieving will not always need
the same assistance.
KEY STAGES OF THE PROCESS OF GRIEF
The process of Loss and Bereavement
1. Denial and disbelief
2. Alarm - anxiety, restlessness, physiological accompaniments of fear
3. Urge to find/search for lost person/object/title/job/security/known situation.
4. Anger and guilt
5. Bargaining - in anticipation and reaction to the loss/threatened loss
6. Despair and depression - internal loss and deprivation
7. Identification phenomena - adopting traits, habits of deceased/adopting behavior patterns to
insure that the loss/perceived loss does not occur again in the person's environment.
8. Pathological variants - delayed/prolonged/inability to grieve.
9. Acceptance - non-acceptance or resignation. This is a decision making interim; and the
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beginning of recovery as a resolution is mandated at this point.
10. New identity - reorganization. At this juncture the restructuring begins and all that entails in
the process, and individual development.
PROCESS OF BEREAVEMENT COUNSELING
Transitional Counseling
1. Help the person actualize the loss.
2. Help the person identify and express feeling of anger, guilt,
fear, anxiety, sorrow.
3. Work with the person on living without the deceased/person/situation/job/status/income
4. Aid emotional withdrawal from loss
5. Give time to grief and its expression
6. Assess "normal" and "pathological" behavior/relating patterns
7. Allow for individual behavior
8. Support
9. Explore defenses and coping mechanisms
10. Assess for referral if there is absence, deferred or prolonged grieving.
"7 STAGES OF GRIEF".
It is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no
neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can
hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they
are a good general guide of what to expect.
Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":
1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
2. PAIN & GUILT-
3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
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5. THE UPWARD TURN-
6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
GRIEF IN CHILDREN - NORMAL SYMPTOMS
These should be temporary and gradually improve:
y Regression to bedwetting, thumbsuckingy Numbness or "shock"y Whining, crying or clinging to youy Reduced ability to concentratey Major changes in eating and/or sleeping patternsy Roller coaster ride of emotions--- highs and lowsy Hyperactivity and "acting out", temper tantrums or aggressiony Poor school grades, bad behavior in class.
Camp Erin
Camp Erin is a bereavement camp designed for children ages 7-17, who have experienced the
death of a family member or friend within the last 3 years. It is a traditional, fun, high-energy
camp combined with grief and educat ion and is free of charge to all families. Camp Erin is aninitiative created and funded by The Moyer Foundation in Seattle, WA a non-profit
organization established by Major League All-Star pitcher Jamie Moyer and his wife, Karen.
Adult Grief
After the death of someone close, the world turns upside down. Waves of emotion including
sadness, loneliness, anger, yearning, and shock surge through. Tasks that need to be
accomplished feel insurmountable. You are exhausted at times and restless at others. You mayexperience a sense of disbelief and ask yourself"How can this be real?"
Community Grief
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A death in your workplace or school setting will profoundly affect you, your staff, and your
colleagues. Daily reminders of the person who died may trigger a myriad of thoughts and
emotions. It may become difficult for co-workers or classmates to concentrate, and performance
and attendance may drop. There will be a need to create a forum for the expression of shared
grief.
NEW GRIEF STAGES...
"Stages of Grief" cited working models of the grief process. However, in the studies of
the research done on grief, it had found that this 3-step model, "The New Grief Stages", is more
flexible, broad, understandable and accurate in describing the tasks to be completed during the
grieving process.
These are the three phases of the New Grief Stages:
1. SHOCK-
2. SUFFERING-
3. RECOVERY-