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Authors Note: A sweet little story wrote throughout the year. Inspired by a Bill Cosby

quote included within the text.

Disclaimer: I dont own How to Win Friends and Influence People, that dubious

honour goes to Dale Carnegie.

Frank Handley

Name: Mr Frank Handley Room: 206 Nurse: Maria Byrne

Thursday Medication:

Lipitor Cholesterol (1 tablet)

Fosamax Osteoporosis (1 tablet)

Methatrexate Arthritis (2 tablets)

Plavix Blood thinner (1 dosage)

Signed:

Ms Jane Grey

(Head Nurse Lilac Meadows Aged Facility)

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Today was indeed a special day. This Thursday, his pills didnt come with Cook

Martyles specialsugar-free, berry jelly for afternoon tea, specifically made for the

benefit Medows toothless and diabetic residents. No, no, no. Today, much to his absolute

delight, it came with her once a year piece de resistance, a slice of plum pudding.

Now, this particular plum pudding had its peculiarities, namely, that it lacked any

real plums. Of course, he had his suspicions of exactly what that squiggly thing was

that resided in abundance within his cake. Three words came to mind: half digested

cherries.

He pulled a face at the thought.

It was almost too cringe worthy for even him to bear so he insisted that his mind

immediately cease and desist from conjuring up any more wretched visual images. After

all, the real thing would come soon enough.

Sighing heavily, he departed his room for the lounge with the familiar click, clack of his

cane following his steps.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

He had been lumped in this god-forsaken hell-hole for three years. Three torturous years

of reading circles, knitting classes and meager conversation about grandchildren who

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hadnt been seen since the previous Christmas.

He sighed. It was a tiresome life indeed.

He might have been a ripe age of seventy-three, but his mind needed some stimulation

beyond the pleasantries that occurred in this aged care facility.

Looking about from his worn out chair to the small groups of people around him, he

absentmindedly flipped through the newspaper to the crossword he had started working

on from breakfast.

Of course there was Maria, his perennially working, albeit unnaturally optimistic nurse

who would talk to him everyday. She was a young thing who looked at him vapidly a

little too much for his liking, but despite this she had a genuinely sweet nature and could

possess a surprising amount of quick wit when called for.

Apart from her he couldnt say he engaged in regular conversation. He had wonderedonce, upon being the only resident in his wing not invited to a bridge game, that people

avoided himin fear of being thrown insults at. But, now as he looked across the lounge

area to a few old ladies hunched over a newly acquired checkers board (a daughters

annual Christmas gift which had been hastily purchased upon remembrance that she even

hada mother he imagined), he bristled at the thought.

He was no worse than old, angry Besty Connor and she still managed to get herself a

checkers partner.

No, he concluded looking back to his crossword. It wasnt him, it was them.

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****

Here you go Mr Handley.' she said, pushing a crudely wrapped object across the table.

'What's this?' he asked cautiously, wearily eying the wrapping covered in 'ho, ho, ho's'.

A Christmas present. she matter-of-factly said, before pushing it further towards him.

He frowned and leaned away from the table, further into his wooden chair.

'Open it.' she encouraged.

He rested his black cane against the table then moved his face towards the present.

Glancing questioningly at Maria, he jabbed at it with a finger.

'It's not a bomb is it?' he questioned quite seriously.

'Of course not,' Maria responded with a small laugh.

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Some sort of poisonous substance then?

Mr Handley! Maria cried, 'Why would I want to kill you?'

He sneered at her.

'I can think of a few reasons.'

Maria flushed.

'Please' she implored. 'It's just a harmless gift. I promise it won't attack you, burn you,

stab you, feed you a tumblers worth of pills.

No, he replied caustically, his frown deepening, Thats what I have you for.

Maria sucked her teeth.

Oh Mr Handley

Ignoring her, he took the present in his slightly shaking right hand. Bringing it to his ear,

he shook it.

He heard nothing but the crackle of the wrapping paper.

Laying it down against the table, he glanced at his nurse again, meeting her eye, then

glared as fiercely as he could, even baring his dentures.

It was a warning.

She nodded her head towards the present again, a knowing smile gracing her lips.

He pulled at the paper, shredding it as best he could with his clumsy, arthritic fingers.

Hidden behind all that torn wrapping and tangled ribbon was a book.

Pushing away any paper that still remained, he lifted it. Tilting it away from his head and

adjusting the glasses upon his nose, he read the title, 'How to Win Friends and Influence

People.'

Maria smiled brightly.

'Great isn't it. I saw it in Dymocks the other day and I just knew I should get it for you'.

Her eyes sparkled at she looked at him.

'Do you like it?' she asked eagerly.

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Encouraged to continue reading within the comfort of his bed, he turned to the

Fundamental Techniques in Handling People section.

1. Dont criticize, condemn or complain.

Scrunching his face, he couldnt help but be disappointed. It was undoubtedly ridiculousto ask that of him. No, really. He didnt think it was physically possible. People would

wonder whats wrong with him.

2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Now that was something he could do. He would practice on Maria, he decided. Perhaps

give her a thankyou card? Maybe even invite her to share a KenKen? After all it was her

present that instigated an avenue for him to change his bitter ways.

3. Arouse in another person an eager want.

He spluttered. What? Arouse an eager want. What type of book was this? He certainly

didnt understand that point, and in fear of embarrassment he would notask for

clarification.

He sighed heavily and placed the book on his bedside table, turning off the lamp.

Lying on his back he looked at the ceiling. There was always that computer contraption

in the lounge. Slighting resolved he smiled in the dark. Maybe he would Foogle it.

Authors Note: You are encouraged to leave a comment, and I really hope you enjoyed

that.