basic school age program 10 handouts
TRANSCRIPT
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
OUR FAMILY ROUTINES
Write out your bedtime or after-schoolroutine here.
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
OUR FAMILY ROUTINES
Write out your morning routine here.
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines
TALK ABOUT your household rules with your children.
Use the Household Rules handout to establish some of the rules you
think are most important regarding TV or computer time and homework.
Write these down on the household rules handout and bring the list to thenext meeting.
SET UP A REGULAR ROUTINE after school. Write it down and dis-
cuss with your children. Post it where children can see it (where, when,
and with whom homework will take place. Bring plan to next session.)
Implement a household chore for your children. Write it down on the
chore handout and explain to your child.
Call a group member to talk about household rules.
Handouts and review Chapter Four, Limit Setting, and Chapter Nine,
Helping Children Learn to Regulate their Emotions in The Incredible
Years
•
•
•
•
•
Caution: Remember to continue special time!
To Read:
Home Activities for the Week
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
HOUSEHOLD RULES
Some Examples:
Bedtime is at 9:00 p.m.
No hitting allowed.
A seat belt must always be worn in the car.
Bicycle helmet must be worn when riding bike.
Homework must be finished before watching TV or playing computer games.
One hour of TV or computer per day.
No smoking, alcohol, or drug use.
Child lets me know where s/he is outside of school time.
Tell parent where you are, with whom and what you are doing.
Your List of Household Rules:
Every home needs a limited number of “house rules.”
If the list gets too long, no one will remember the rules.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
1.
2.
3.
4.
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
My Family’s Household Rules
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
HOUSEHOLD CHORES for ________________
Some Examples:
Feed Dog
Set Table
Empty Dishwasher
Your List of Household Chores:
1.
2.
3.
1.
2.
3.
4.
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Household Chores for____________
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
H a
n g u p c o a t .
C h
a n g e i n t o h o m e c l o t h
e s .
S n a c k ! ! !
C h
e c k b o o k b a g
D o
h o m e w o r k
C h o r e C
a r d s
© P a r e n
t s a n
d C h i l d r
e n
V i d e o
t a p e
S e r i e s
A f t e r S c h o o l R o u t i n e
H a n g u p c
o a t .
C h a n g e i n
t o h o m e c l o t h e s .
S n a c k ! ! !
C h e c k b o o k b a g
D o h o m e w
o r k
C h o r e C a r d s
© P a r e n
t s a n
d C h i l d r e n
V i d e o
t a p e
S e r i e s
A f t e r S c h o o l R o u t i n e
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Program 10: Part 1, Rules, Responsibilities, and Routines © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
C h o r e C
a r d s
© P a r e n
t s a n
d C h i l d r e n
V i d e o
t a p e
S e r i e s
C
l e a n i n g M y R o o m
P u
t d i r t y c l o t h e s i n t h e
l a u n d r y b a s k e t .
P u
t b o o k s o n t h e s h e l f .
P u
t g a m e s i n t h e c u p b o a r d .
M a k e t h e b e d .
C h o r e C a r d s
© P a r e n
t s a n
d C h i l d r e n
V i d e o
t a p e
S e r i e s
C l e a n i n g M y R o o m
P u t d i r t y c l o t h e s i n t h e
l a u n d r y b a s k e t .
P u t b o o k s
o n t h e s h e l f .
P u t g a m e s i n t h e c u p b o a r d .
M a k e t h e
b e d .
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm What are the possible benefits for your childrenhaving clear limits in your home?
What gets in the way of setting limits? Write down the benefits of having clear limits and your difficulties in doing it. See if you can find
any solutions to your barriers to setting clear limits.
1.
2.
Benefits of Setting Limits Difficulties in Doing This
Goal:
I will commit to reducing the number of commands or requests to those thatare most important. Instead, I will focus on giving choices when possible,using distractions and when-then commands.
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm Rewrite the following ineffective commands into positive, clear, respectful commands.
Ineffective Commands Rewrite
Shut up•
Quit shouting•
Stop running•
Watch it•
Why don’t we go to bed?•
Let’s clean up the living room•
Cut it out•
What is your coat doing there?•
Why are your shoes in the living room?•
Don’t shove salad in your mouth like a pig• Why is your bike still in the driveway?•
You look like a slob•
Stop bugging your sister •
You are never ready in the morning•
Why do you leave homework until the last
minute?
•
Your clothes are filthy•
You never put the garbage out•
Your room is a mess•
Don’t speak to me like that•
Why can’t you wear something better
than that?
•
You are late getting home again•
You are impossible•
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
P r o g r a m 1 0 : C l e a r a n d R e s p e c t f u
l L i m i t S e t t i n g P a r t 2
© C a r o l y n W e b
s t e r - S t r a t t o n
•
D o n
’ t g
i v e u n n e c e s s a r y c o m m a n
d s .
•
M a
k e o n e r e q u e s t a
t a
t i m e .
•
B e r e a
l i s t i c i n y o u r e x p e c
t a t i o n s
•
U s e
“ d o
” r e q u e s t s .
•
M a
k e r e q u e s t s p o s i t
i v e a n
d p o
l i t e .
•
D o n
’ t u s e
“ s t o p
” c o m m a n
d s .
•
G i v e c
h i l d r e n a m p l e
o p p o r t u n
i t y t o c o m p
l y .
•
G i v e w a r n
i n g s a n
d h
e l p f u l r e m
i n d e r s .
•
D o n
’ t t h r e a
t e n c
h i l d
r e n ; u s e
“ w
h e n …
t h e n
”
c o m m a n
d s .
•
G i v e c
h i l d r e n o p
t i o n
s w
h e n e v e r p o s s i b
l e .
•
M a
k e r e q u e s t s s h o r t
a n
d t o t h e p o
i n t .
•
S u p p o r t y o u r p a r t n e
r ’ s r e q u e s t s .
•
P r a
i s e c o m p
l i a n c e .
•
S t r i k e a
b a
l a n c e
b e t w
e e n p a r e n
t a n
d c
h i l d c o n
t r o l .
•
E n c o u r a g e p r o
b l e m
- s o l v i n g w
i t h c
h i l d r e n .
R E F R I G E R A T O R
N O T E S
A B O U T L I M I T S
E T T I N G
P r o g r a m 1 0 : C l e a r a n d R e s p e c t f u l L i m i t S e t t i n g P a r t 2
© C
a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
R E F R I G E R A T O R N O T E S
A B O U T L
I M I T S E T T I N G
•
D o n
’ t g i v e u n n e c e s s a r y c o m m a n
d s .
•
M a
k e o n e
r e q u e s t a
t a
t i m e .
•
B e r e a
l i s t i c
i n y o u r e x p e c
t a t i o n s
•
U s e
“ d o ”
r e q u e s t s .
•
M a
k e r e q u e s t s p o s i t i v e a n
d p o
l i t e .
•
D o n
’ t u s e
“ s t o p
” c o m m a n
d s .
•
G i v e c
h i l d
r e n a m p
l e o p p o r t u n
i t y t o c o m p
l y .
•
G i v e w a r n
i n g s a n
d h e
l p f u l r e m
i n d e r s .
•
D o n
’ t t h r e a
t e n c
h i l d r e n ; u s e
“ w
h e n …
t h e n ”
c o m m a n d
s .
•
G i v e c
h i l d
r e n o p
t i o n s w
h e n e v e r p o s s i b
l e .
•
M a
k e r e q u e s t s s h o r t a n
d t o t h e p o
i n t .
•
S u p p o r t y
o u r p a r t n e r ’ s r e q u e s t s .
•
P r a
i s e c o m
p l i a n c e .
•
S t r i k e a b a
l a n c e
b e
t w e e n p a r e n
t a n
d c
h i l d c o n
t r o l .
•
E n c o u r a g e p r o
b l e m - s o
l v i n g w
i t h c
h i l d r e n .
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Effective Limit Setting
“The Importance of being Clear, Predictable, and Positive”
DECREASE the number of requests/commands you give to those that are
most important.
When necessary, GIVE POSITIVE AND SPECIFIC REQUESTS.
Avoid using question commands, “let’s” commands, negative commands,
vague commands, and chain commands.
Monitor and record the frequency and type of requests you give at home
for a 30-minute period on the “Record Sheet: Commands” handout, and
record the child’s response to these requests.
PRAISE your child every time he or she complies with a request.
Call a group member to talk about giving commands.
Handouts and review Chapter Five, Ignore, and Chapter Nine, Helping
Children Learn to Regulate their Emotions in The Incredible Years
•
•
•
•
•
Caution: Remember to continue special time!
To Read:
Home Activities for the Week
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Clear Commands/Requests—Start with a Please...
“Speak politely.” “Put out the garbage.”
“Keep the noise low on your music.” “Turn your computer off.”
“Please put your coat in the closet.” “Talk quietly.”“Hang up the bathroom towels.” “Feed the dog each day.”
“Come home at the agreed time.” “Set the table.”
“Put your laundry in the basket.” “Make your bed.”
“Phone to let me know where you are
if your agreed upon plans change.”
Unclear, Vague, Question or Negative Commands/Requests
“Let’s clean your bedroom.” “Quit that..”
“Why don’t we go to bed now?” “Shut up.”
“Be nice, be good, be careful!” “Don’t yell.”
“Wouldn’t it be nice to go to bed now?” “Watch it.”
“Don’t talk to me like that.” “Let’s don’t do that anymore.”
“ I see your coat is still on the floor.” “Do you know where your coat is
supposed to be?” “Why isn’t your coat put away?”
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Program 10: Part 2, Clear and Respectful Limit Setting © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
H o m e A c t i v i t i e s
R E C O R D S H
E E T : C O M M A N D S / R E Q U E S T
D a t e
T i m e
C o m
m a n
d s o r
R e q u e s t
G i v e n
C h i l d ’ s R e s p o n s e
P a r e n
t ’ s R e s p
o n s e
E x a m p l e 5 – 5 : 3 0 p . m .
“ H a n g
y o u r c o a t i n t h e c l o s e t . ”
C h i l d h a n g s u p c o a t .
“ T h a n k y o u f o r h a
n g i n g u p y o u r c o a t . ”
1 s t D a y
2 n d D a y
E x a m p
l e o f W h e n …
T h e n r e q u e s t ,
o r g i v i n g a c h o i c e c o m m a n d .
“ R e
d u c e y o u r c o
m m a n
d s
t o
t h e m o s t
i m p o r t a n t
o n e s .
”
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
Behaviors such as pouting, sulking, screaming, swearing, and arguing are good candidatesfor ignoring. These behaviors are annoying, but they never really seem to hurt anyone,and the behaviors will disappear if they are systematically ignored. The ignoring technique shouldnot be used, however, with behaviors that could lead to physical injury, property damage, or in-tolerable disruption of an ongoing activity.
Parents often have trouble controlling their anger when dealing with misbehavior,and find it hard not to criticize the child. This emotional involvement can make itdifficult to ignore your child’s arguments or to praise compliance when it finally does occur. How-ever, ignoring is one of the most effective strategies you can use.
Goal: I will commit to ignoring _____________________________________
behavior whenever it occurs. I will praise _______________________________
behavior, the positive opposite of the behavior I am ignoring.
Child Behaviors I Will Ignore
e.g., eye rolling
sarcastic remarks
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
When you first start ignoring misbehavior, the behavior will get worse before it gets bet-ter. It is important to be prepared to wait out this negative period. If you give into theoppositional behavior, this behavior will be reinforced and your child will learn that by protest- i n gloudly, he or she can get his/her own way.
It is important to stay calm while ignoring. Try to think ahead and brainstorm ways to remain calmwhen ignoring misbehavior.
Goal: I will commit to tell myself the following ________________________
___________________________________________________________________
___________________________________________________________________
when my child protests.
Ways to Stay Calm While Ignoring
deep breaths
relaxation techniques
positive thoughts
walk away
turn on some music
Remember, all young children argue and protest to get what they want. This is not personal
but a reflection of their strive to be independent and to test the rules.
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Using Selective Attention
Sometimes, children will show positive and negative behaviors during the same activity. For example,a child might follow directions (positive behavior) while whining or rolling their eyes (negative at-titude). Selective attention is the technique where a parent praises or rewards the part of the behaviorthat is positive while ignoring the negative behavior. For example, a parent might praise the child forfollowing directions, and pay no attention to the whining or negative attitude. This way, the childlearns that she will receive positive attention for some behaviors, but will not receive attention forother behavior (e.g., arguing).
Brainstorm
Think about some situations where this kind of selective attention could be effective.
Goal: I will commit to praising ______________________________________
behavior while ignoring _____________________________________________
behavior.
When Would Selective Attention be Effective?
e.g., when child is following directions but giving me “attitude” at the same time, I will
praise his compliance and ignore his attitude.
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
P r o g r a m 1 0 : I g n o r i n g M i s b e h a v i o r P a r t 3
© C a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
R E F R I G E R A T O R
N O T E S
• A v o i d e y e c o n t a c
t a n d d i s c u s s i o n w h i l e i g n o r i n g .
• P h y s i c a l l y m o v e
a w a y f r o m y o u r c h i l d b u t s t a y
i n t h e r o o m i f p o s s i b l e .
• B e s u b t l e i n t h e w
a y y o u i g n o r e .
• B e p r e p a r e d f o r t
e s t i n g .
• B e c o n s i s t e n t .
• R e t u r n y o u r a t t e n
t i o n a s s o o n a s m i s b e h a v i o r
s t o p s .
• C o m b i n e d i s t r a c t i o n s w i t h i g n o r i n g .
• C h o o s e s p e c i c c h i l d b e h a v i o r s t o i g n o r e a n d
m a k e s u r e t h e y a r e o n e s y o u c a n
i g n o r e .
• L i m i t t h e n u m b e r o f b e h a v i o r s t o s y s t e m a t i c a l l y
i g n o r e .
• G i v e a t t e n t i o n t o
y o u r c h i l d ’ s p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o
r s .
P r o g r a m 1 0 : I g n o r i n g
M i s b e h a v i o r P a r t 3
© C a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
R E F R I G E R A T O R N O T E S
• A v o i d e y e c o n t a c t a n d d i s c u s s i o n w h i l e i g n o r i n g .
• P h y s i c a l l y m o v e a w a y f r o m y o u r c h i l d b u t s t a y
i n t h e r o
o m i f p o s s i b l e .
• B e s u b t l e i n t h e w a y y o u i g n o r e .
• B e p r e p a r e d f o r t e s t i n g .
• B e c o n s i s t e n t .
• R e t u r n y
o u r a t t e n t i o n a s s o o n a s m i s b e h a v i o r
s t o p s .
• C o m b i n e d i s t r a c t i o n s w i t h i g n o r i n g .
• C h o o s e s p e c i c c h i l d b e h a v i o r s t o i g n
o r e a n d
m a k e s u r e t h e y a r e o n e s y o u c a n
i g n o
r e .
• L i m i t t h e n u m b e r o f b e h a v i o r s t o s y s t e m a t i c a l l y
i g n o r e .
• G i v e a t t e n t i o n t o y o u r c h i l d ’ s p o s i t i v e
b e h a v i o r s .
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
• On the Behavior Record handout, write a list of the behaviors you want to
see more of and less of.
• Select one negative behavior from the list of behaviors you want to see
less of (for example, whining or swearing), and practice ignoring the be-
havior every time it occurs during the week.
• For the negative behavior you listed in step #2 above, think of its positiveopposite. For example, the opposite of yelling is talking politely, and the
opposite of grabbing toys from others is sharing. Then systematically praise
this positive behavior every time it occurs during the week.
• On the Record Sheet: Praise and Ignore, write down the behavior you
ignored, the behavior your praised, and the child’s response
• Read and complete the handouts on self-control,
self-talk and positive coping statements.
• Use the Self-Talk in Problem Situations handout to record the upsetting
thoughts you have in problem situations, and write down some alternatecalming thoughts. Bring this handout to the next meeting.
Read Chapter 11, Controlling Upsetting Thoughts, in The Incredible Years
book.
Caution: Remember to continue special time!
To Read:
Home Activities for the Week
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Calming Thoughts
“This child is testing to see if he can have his
own way. My job is to stay calm and help
him learn better ways to behave.”
“I need to talk to Michael about his clothes
lying around. If we discuss this calmly, we
should reach a good solution.”
“I can handle this. I am in control. He has
just learned some powerful ways to get con-
trol. I will teach him more appropriate ways
to behave.”
UpsettingThoughts
“That child is a monster. This is
getting ridiculous. He’ll never
change.”
“I’m sick of being his maid.
Things are going to change
or else!”
“He’s just like his father.
I can’t handle it when he’sangry.”
THOUGHT CONTROL
Researchers have demonstrated that there is a relationship between how we think and how we
behave. For example, if you view the child in hostile terms (“He is misbehaving because he hates
me — he likes to get me upset”), you are likely to become very angry. On the other hand, if your
thoughts emphasize your ability to cope (“I’m going to have to help him learn to control himself”),
this will help to bring about rational and effective responses. One of the first steps for improving
the way you think about your child is to replace upsetting thoughts and negative self-statements
with calming thoughts.
Handout
LEARNING SELF-CONTROL
Many family members find that in stressful situations they cannot maintain their self-control. Oth-
ers report they suffer from chronic anger, anxiety or depression, and they are easily set off by the
slightest event. However, when parents allow themselves to become so overwhelmed that they
overreact, the consequences can be unfortunate. Parents may say or do something they will regret. After they calm down, they may feel guilty and avoid dealing with the child for fear of repeating
the episode. It is frightening and anxiety-provoking for a child to see a parent lose control. Also,
the child learns to imitate these aggressive behaviors in other situations. These cycles of parental
overreaction and avoidance make it difficult to deal with the child in a consistent manner. The
best approach is to achieve a middle ground—not be so overwhelmed that you can’t respond or
so upset that you overreact.
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Non-Constructive Thoughts
“John never helps. All I get is work, work,
work. I fix the food, take care of the house,the kids, everything. Boy, would I like to
throw this at him!”
“After working 10 hours, I’m tired and frus-
trated. When I get home, all I get are hassles.
The kids interrupt and yell, and Joan criticizes
me. This place is a mess. What does she do
all day? I feel like screaming or walking out
of here.”
Constructive Thoughts
“I’d better watch it and calm down before
I do something I’ll regret. What I need is
help. Maybe if I ask John in a nice way, he’llgive me some help. That’s the best way.
Then maybe I can have a relaxing bath.”
“Take it easy now. Take a few breaths.
What I really need is a few minutes of peace
to relax and read the paper. Maybe if I ask
Joan nicely to play with the kids while I read,
then I could give her a break and play with
the kids later. She needs a rest too. That’s
the most helpful way. I can already feel
myself relaxing.”
“I can handle this. I can stay in control.
“She’s just testing the limits. My job is to
stay calm and help her learn better ways.”
Handout
PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER Identify and label your emotions when they first occur. Pay attention to how your body
feels (for example, tenseness, fidgeting, anger, headaches).
Decide what events make you feel frustrated.
Choose the most effective way to control yourself, and do it.
1.
2.
3.
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Upsetting Thoughts Calming Thoughts
Handout
SELF-TALK IN PROBLEM SITUATIONS Identify a problem situation and the upsetting thoughts you have at the time. Write down some
alternative calming thoughts that you might use to redefine the situation. Next time you find
yourself using negative self-talk, give yourself some time to think positively and consider the alter-
natives available to you for dealing with the situation.
Problem Situation: ___________________________________
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Write your own positive coping statements and
practice them during the week.
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Program 10: Part 3, Ignoring Misbehavior © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Handout
BEHAVIOR RECORD
Behaviors I want to see less of:
(e.g., yelling)
Positive opposite behavior I want to
see more of:
(e.g., polite voice)
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Be polite.
Be prepared for testing.
Expect repeated learning trials.
Ignore child while in Time Out.
Support a partner’s use of Time Out.
Follow through with completing Time Out.
Use personal Time Out to relax and refuel energy.
Use Time Out consistently for chosen misbehaviors.
Monitor anger in order to avoid exploding suddenly; give warnings.
Give 5-minute Time Outs with 2 minutes of quiet at the end.
Carefully limit the number of behaviors for which Time Out is used
and use consistently.
Don’t threaten Time Out unless you’re prepared to follow through.
Use nonviolent approaches such as loss of privileges as a back-up
to Time Out.
Hold children responsible for cleaning messes in Time Out.Don’t rely exclusively on Time Out—use other discipline
techniques, such as, ignoring, logical consequences and problem-
solving for less severe misbehaviors.
Build up bank account with praise, love and support.
Use Time Out for destructive behaviors and times when your child’s
misbehavior cannot be ignored. Start by choosing just one behav-
ior to work on. When that behavior is no longer a problem, choose
another behavior to work on.
Give immediate Time Out for hitting and destructive acts, howeverfor noncompliance one warning may be given.
Ignore inappropriate behaviors such as screaming, whining teasing,
arguing, swearing and tantrums while the child is in Time Out.
Praise positive behavior as often as possible.
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
•
••
•
•
•
•
•
REFRIGERATOR NOTES
ABOUT TIME OUT
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
R E F R I G E R A T O
R
N O T E S
A B O U T S T R E S S
A N D A N G E R
• S c a n y o u r b o d y f o r t e n s i o n , a n d b r e a t h e a n d r e l a x
o r
d o t h e e x e r c i s e s .
• N o t i c e a n y n e g a t i v
e s e l f - s t a t e m e n t s a n d r e p l a c e t h e m
w i t h s o o t h i n g s e l f -
e n c o u r a g e m e n t .
• A s k y o u r s e l f i f w h
a t i s m a k i n g y o u f e e l t e n s e i s r e -
a l l y t h a t i m p o r t a n t ? W i l l i t m a k e a d i f f e r e n c e a w e e k
f r o m n o w ? A y e a r
? W h e n y o u a r e 7 0 ?
• V i s u a l i z e s o m e m a
r v e l o u s p a s t e v e n t o r d r e a m o f t h e
f u t u r e .
• I n t h e m i d d l e o f c o
n i c t , b r e a t h e , c o o l o f f , g e t p l a y -
f u l , o r g e t a w a y f o r a f e w m i n u t e s .
• T a k e a b r e a k ( g o f o r a w a l k , t a k e a b a t h , r e a d a m a
g a -
z i n e ) .
P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e
n c e s , P a r t 4
© C a r o l y n W e b
s t e r - S t r a t t o n
R E F R I G E R A T O R
N O T E S
A B O U T S
T R E S S A N D A N G E R
• S c a n y o u
r b o d y f o r t e n s i o n , a n d b r e a t h e a n d r e l a x o r
d o t h e e x
e r c i s e s .
• N o t i c e a n
y n e g a t i v e s e l f - s t a t e m e n t s a n d r e p l a c e t h e m
w i t h s o o t h i n g s e l f - e n c o u r a g e m e n t .
• A s k y o u r
s e l f i f w h a t i s m a k i n g y o u f e e l t
e n s e i s r e -
a l l y t h a t i m p o r t a n t ? W i l l i t m a k e a d i f f e r
e n c e a w e e k
f r o m n o w
? A y e a r ? W h e n y o u a r e 7 0 ?
• V i s u a l i z e
s o m e m a r v e l o u s p a s t e v e n t o r d
r e a m o f t h e
f u t u r e .
• I n t h e m i
d d l e o f c o n i c t , b r e a t h e , c o o l o f
f , g e t p l a y -
f u l , o r g e
t a w a y f o r a f e w m i n u t e s .
• T a k e a b r
e a k ( g o f o r a w a l k , t a k e a b a t h , r e a d a m a g a -
z i n e ) .
P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4
© C
a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
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T i m e O u
t f o r A g g r e s s i o n
C h i l d r
e n
A g e s
6 - 1
0
S c e n a r i o # 1 : C h i l d g o e s t o T i m e O u t .
C h i l d c a l m f o r
l a s t 2 m i n u t e s
C h i l d h i t s
C o m m a n d
“ Y o u h i t . Y o u n e e d
t o g o t o T . O . ”
( o n c h a i r f o r 4 - 5
m i n u t e s )
C h i l d g o e s t o T . O .
P a r e n t p r a i s e
s c h i l d ’ s
f r s t p o s i t i v e b
e h a v i o r .
“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n
d l y t h e
w a y y o u ’ r e s h a r i n g . ”
P a r e n t e n d s T . 0 . & r e e
n g a g e s c h i l d
“ Y o u r T . O .
i s f n i s h e d .
Y o u c a n p l a y w i t h y o u r
b l o c k s ”
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5 m i n u t e s + e x t r a t i m e
e a r n
e d f o r d e l a y i n g , l a s t
2 m i n u t e s c h i l d i s c a l m
C h i l d g o e s t o T . O .
C h i l d h i t s
C o m m a n d
“ Y o u h i t . Y o u n e e d
t o g o t o T . O . ”
C h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o
T . O .
“ T h a t i s o n e
e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e
O u t n o w . T h
a t ’ s 6 m i n u t e s . ”
( A d d t i m e u p
t o 9 m i n i f c h i l d
c o n t i n u e s t o
r e f u s e )
P a r e n t g i v e s w a r n i n g .
P a r e n t p r a i s e s c h i l d ’ s
f r s t p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o r .
“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n d l y t h e
w a y y o u ’ r e s h a r i n g . ”
P a r e n t e n d
s T . 0 . &
r e - e n g a g e s c h i l d
“ Y o u r T . O .
i s f
n i s h e d .
W o u l d y o u l i k e t o
m a k e c o o k i e s
? ”
S c e n a r i o # 2 B : C
h i l d i n i t i a l l y r e s i s t s g o i n g t o T i m e O u t .
H a n d l i n g M i s b e h
a v i o r P a r t 2 : V i g n e t t e s
1 4 - 1 5
S c
h o o l
A g e
C h i l d R
e s
i s t s G o
i n g
t o T i m e
O u
t
C h i l d r e n
A g e s
6 - 1
0
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5 m i n u t e s + e
x t r a t i m e u p
t o 1 0 m i n , l a s
t 2 m i n u t e s
c h i l d i s c a l m
C h i l d g o e s
t o T . O .
C h i l d h i t s
C o m m a n d
“ Y o u h i t . Y o u n e e d
t o g o t o T . O . ”
C
h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T
. O .
“ T h a t i s o n e e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e
O u t n o w . ” ( A d d
t i m e u p t o 9 m i n
i f c h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e a n d
g i v e w a r n i n g )
P a r e n t g i v e
s w a r n i n g .
P a r e n t p r a i s e s c h i l d ’ s
f r s t p o s i t i v e b e h a v i o r .
“ T h a t ’ s s o f r i e n
d l y t h e
w a y y o u ’ r e s h a
r i n g . ”
P a
r e n t e n d s T . 0 .
&
r e - e n g a g e s
c h
i l d
“ Y o
u r T . O .
i s f n i s h e d .
C o m e s e e w h a t I ’ v e
m a
d e f o r d e s s e r t . ” ”
S c e n a r i o # 2 C : C
h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e t o g o t o T i m e
O u t .
S c h o o l A g
e C h i l d C o n t i n u e s t o R e s i s t G o i n g t o T i m
e O u t
C h i l d r e n
A g e s
6 - 1
0
“ T h a t ‘ s 1 0 m i n u
t e s n o w , i f y o u
d o n ’ t g o t o T i m e
O u t n o w y o u w i l l
l o s e T V t o n i g h t . ”
P a r e n t e x p l a i n s c
o n s e q u e n c e .
N o t e : i f c h i l d d o e s n o t g o w h e n c o n s e q u e n
c e i s e x p l a i n e d , p a r -
e n t f o l l o w s
t h r o u g h w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e , T i m
e O u t d r o p p e d .
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C h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T . O .
C h i l d h i t s
C o m m a n d
“ Y o u h i t . Y o u n e e d
t o g o t o T . O . ”
C
h i l d r e f u s e s t o g o t o T
. O .
“ T h a t i s o n e e x t r a m i n u t e i n T i m e
O u t n o w . ” ( A d d
t i m e u p t o 9 m i n
i f c h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s e a n d
g i v e w a r n i n g )
P a r e n t g i v e
s w a r n i n g .
P a r e n t f o l l o w s
t h r o u g h w i t h c o n s
e q u e n c e
& i g n o r e s p r o t e s t s .
N o t e : c o n s e q u e n c e
s h o u l d b e c a r r i e d o
u t
s a m e d a y .
P
a r e n t e n d s
p o w e r s t r u g g l e
“ Y o u ’ v e l o s t
y
o u r T V p r i v i l e g e s . ”
( T i m e O u t i s d r o p p e d )
S c e n a r i o # 2 D : C
h i l d c o n t i n u e s t o r e f u s
e t o g o t o T i m e
O u t .
C h i l d
r e n
A g e s
6 - 1
0
“ T h a t ‘ s 1 0 m i n u
t e s n o w , i f y o u
d o n ’ t g o t o T i m e
O u t n o w y o u w i l l
l o s e T V t o n i g h t . ”
P a r e n t e x p l a i n s
c o n s e q u e n c e .
H a n d l i n g M i s b e h
a v i o r P a r t 2 : V i g n e t t e 1 6
S
c h o o l A g e C h
i l d R e f u s e s T
i m e O u t
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
• CHOOSE A SPECIFIC MISBEHAVIOR to work on by USING Time
Out; for example, ghting or hitting. Write the results on the “Record
Sheet: Commands and Time Out” handout.
• Choose a positive behavior (the opposite of the behavior which will be
timed-out) to systematically give attention to through the use of praise,
reinforcement and comments.
• Describe a situation in which the child continues to misbehave, and try to
analyze why this is happening. Bring this to the next session.
• Read the handouts on caring days, losing control, and new problems.
Read Chapter 6, Time Out and Chapter 12 Time Out from Stress and Anger inThe Incredible Years book.
Caution: Remember to continue special time!
To Read:
Home Activities for the Week
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CARING DAYS
Strengthening Support Between Partners
Marital discord can make it very difficult for parents to be effective in managing their children’s
behavior. The following exercise is designed to strengthen your relationship.
Identify 10 to 20 “caring” behaviors that your spouse could do that you would enjoy. Ask your
spouse to do this also. List these behaviors on a piece of paper and post them. Each day you
and your spouse should try to select one or two items from the list and do them for one another.These caring behaviors should be (a) positive, (b) specific, (c) small, and (d) something that is not
the subject of a recent conflict.
Examples: Ask how I spent the day and listen.
Offer to get the cream or sugar for me.
Listen to “mood music” when we set the clock radio to go to sleep.
Hold my hand when we go for walks.
Massage my back.
Arrange for a baby-sitter and go out.
Let me work late one night without a hassle.
Have a quiet dinner without the children. Offer to watch the children while I make dinner, read the newspaper, etc.
Allow me to sleep in one morning on the weekend.
By doing this exercise, you will obtain a record of each other’s efforts and become more observant
of how the other person tries to please. We have noticed that parents are often quite willing to
please their partner if they understand precisely what their partner wants and know that their ef-
forts will be recognized.
Support for Single Parents
If you do not have a partner, it is important to arrange some “caring days” for yourself. You
could do this by developing a list of pleasurable things you would like to do for yourself. Each
week pick some of the items from your list to give yourself.
Examples: Have dinner with a friend.
Go to a movie.
Arrange for a back rub.
Take a piano lesson.
Walk to the park.
Have a bubble bath.
Buy and read a fun magazine.
It is also important for single parents to set up a support system. This might be done by meet-
ing regularly with other parents, close friends, or family members. Organizations such as Parents
Without Partners, church groups, recreational groups, and political groups can be sources of sup-port and stimulation.
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Handout
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUFEEL LIKE YOU ARE LOSING CONTROL
1. Step back from the situation for a moment and ask yourself:
• What is my goal?
• What am I doing now?
• Is what I am doing helping me to reach my goal?
• What do I need to do differently?
2. Practice the relaxation technique:
• Slow down your breathing. • Count from one to ten as far as you are able to in a single breath.
• Repeat deep, slow inhaling and exhaling while counting until you
feel relaxed.
3. Recognize your upsetting thoughts. Rephrase these thoughts into alterna-
tive, calming thoughts. For example:
Upsetting Thoughts
“That child is a monster. That is ridicu-lous. He’ll never change.”
“I’m sick of being this mad. Things
are going to change around here, or
else.”
Calming Thoughts
“This is a child who is testing to seeif he can get his own way. My job is
to stay calm an d help him learn better
ways to behave.”
“I need to talk to Michael about
leaving his clothes lying around. If
we discuss this constructively and
calmly we should be able to reach a
good solution.
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Handout
WHAT TO DO WHEN NEW PROBLEMS ARISE
“Relapses” of misbehaviors are normal , so be prepared for them! Often a relapseis triggered by some type of crisis or change in family life (illness, death, vaca-
tion, new job, financial stress). This generally results in an increase in children’s
inappropriate behaviors. The following are some ways to reinstate the program
and get yourself on track again.
1. Set up a time when you are not upset to talk about the problem with your
partner, a friend, or to think quietly on your own.
2. Clarify what child behaviors you want and don’t want.
3. List the problems from most to least important. Concentrate on dealing
with only the most pressing problem.
4. Brainstorm as many solutions as possible (review handouts):
Reinforcements
(praise, tangible rewards, play sessions)
Discipline
(ignore, Time Out, loss of privileges, work chores, logical
consequences, problem solving)
Techniques that help parents maintain self-control
(self-talk, relaxation)
5. Monitor weekly progress, and revise the program when necessary.
6. Reinforce your efforts.
Remember : There is a tendency for parents to use strategies with short-term
benefits (for example, obtaining immediate compliance by yelling, hitting or
criticizing the child) that have long-term negative consequences (the child learns
to yell and hit instead of using nonviolent approaches to solving problems). Par-
ents need to use skills such as praising and ignoring literally hundreds of times
in order to change children’s behavior, and this takes a lot of work. Over thelong run, however, this approach teaches children how to behave appropriately,
builds essential skills for getting along with others, and fosters children’s positive
self-image. This is a little like flossing your teeth — you need to keep doing it
to realize the long-term benefits!
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MAINTAINING OBJECTIVITY Another approach to maintaining self-control is to ask yourself during
moments of conflict whether what you are doing is helping you reach
your goal.
• What is my goal? (for my child to improve his behavior)
• What am I doing now? (getting angry)
• Is what I’m doing helping me reach my goal? (no, we’re arguing)
• If it isn’t, what do I need to do differently? (relax, take some time to
think about what is going on, and clearly state what I want)
RELAXATION PROCEDURESMany people must learn to relax before they can control their self-state-
ments. The following is a relaxation procedure that can be learned without
extensive training.
1. Get comfortable in your chair. Close your eyes.
2. Become aware of your breathing.
3. As you breathe in and out, slow your breathing down.
4. As you slow down your breathing, with your next deep breath slowly
count from 1 to 10 as far as you are able to in that single breath.
5. Now exhale slowly, and count from 1 to 10 again until you are out of
breath.
6. Visualize yourself calm and in control.
7. Tell yourself that you are doing a good job and making progress.
8. Repeat this deep, slow inhaling and exhaling while counting, until
you feel relaxed.
Remember, there will be times when it is difficult to use these self-control
techniques. Relapses are to be expected. With practice, however, you
will find it much easier to relax.
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H o m e A c t i v i t i e s
R E C O R D S H E E T : C O M M A N D S A N D
T i m e O u t
D a t e
T i m e
C o m
m a n
d / W a r n
i n g
C h i l d ’ s R e s p o n s e
R e w a r d
/ A t t e n
d
T i m e
O u
t C h a i r
U s e o
f R o o m
f o r
C o m p
l i a n c
e
D u r a
t i o n
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Scenario #1
Anger Trap:
Who Is Reinforced for What Behavior?
Parent Request:"Turn the TV off now,
it's time for bed."
Child:
"No, I won't. I'm in themiddle of a show."
Parent Threat:"If you don't go to bed
now, I'll give you a
smacking."
Child:"You butt-head."(and grudgingly
turns off TV)
Parent (angry):
"Don't you ever talk tome like that!"
(Wait 5 seconds.)
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Scenario #2
Avoidance Trap:
Who Is Reinforced for What Behavior?
Parent:"Turn the TV off now,
it's time for bed."
Child:"No I won't. I'm in the
middle of a show."
Parent Withdraws:(thinks to self, "I don't want
to cause a scene.")"Well, okay. Leave him
there, I don't care."
Child continuesto watch TV.
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
It is important to think about what behaviors will result in Time Out ahead of time. That way,when the behavior occurs, you are prepared to follow through with the Time Out. It is alsoimportant for children to know which behaviors will result in Time Out. Try brainstormingsome of these here:
Behaviors Appropriate for Time Out to Calm Down
e.g., hitting others
Be sure to define what you mean by hitting. Redirection and distractions usu-ally work to separate children and get them focused on something else. How-ever, violent and hurtful hitting should have immediate removal of child to aTime Out spot where s/he cannot hurt another child. Remember to practicein advance how to calm down in Time Out by taking deep breaths and telling yourself, “I can do it, I can calm down.”
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
Pros and Cons of Time Out to Calm Down
Think about the advantages to Time Out and write them down on your notepad.
List the disadvantages.
Time Out to Calm Down
advantages
disadvantages
Considerations
Thinking About Time Out Advantages and Disadvantages
Look at the lists and notice who the advantages are to and who experiences the disadvantages
(child or parent). Also look at whether the disadvantages are short term or long term for you or
your child.
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
Think about ways to stay calm, assertive and patient when using Time Out.
Practice challenging negative self-talk and substituting positive self-talk and copingstatements. On your notepad, write down some self-talk that you can use when you feel anger mounting.
Positive Self-Talk
I can handle this…
I can control my anger…
I will take a brief Time Out myself…
Challenge irrational thoughts
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Brainstorm
What emotional responses do you experience when using Time Out? Parents often havetrouble controlling their anger when dealing with a child’s aggression or oppositionalbehavior, and find it hard not to criticize the child. This emotional involvement can make it difficultto ignore your child’s arguments or to praise compliance when it finally does occur. What strategiescould you use to stay calm? Write them on your notepad.
My emotional responses when
giving Time Out
Strategies to stay calm
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Scenario #3
Justifi cation Trap:
Who Gets Reinforced for What Behavior?
Parent Request:"Turn off the TV now,
it is time for bed."
Child:
"No, I won't. I'm in themiddle of a show."
Parent Explains:"Come on now, if you
don't go to bed, you will
be tired in the morning.
You will have troublegetting up in the morning
and will be grumpy."
Child:
"I'll be fine. I won't
be tired."
Parent:"Yes, you will be tired,
you won't get up when Icall you and will miss
breakfast and notconcentrate in school."
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Scenario #4
Giving In Trap:
Who Is Reinforced for What Behavior?
Parent:
"Come to dinner,
please."
Child:
"What's for dinner?"
Parent:
"Meatloaf."
Child:
"Yuck, I hate meat loaf.
I won't eat it."
Parent:
"Want some cereal?"
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U s
i n g T i m e O u t
f o r C o m p l i a n
c e T r a i n i n g
Y o u n
g e r C h i l d
“ Y
o u c a n w a l k t o T i m e O u t l i k e a b i g b o y / g i r l
o r I ’ l l t a k e y o u t h e r e . ”
O l d e
r C h i l d
A d d 1 m i n u t e a t a t i m e , u p t o 9 m
i n u t e s .
A t 9 m i n u t e s , t a k e a w a y a p r i v i l e g e .
“ G o t o
T
i m e O u t ”
W h e n t i m e o u t
i s o v e r , r e p e a t
t h e c o m m a n d
W a i t
5
s e c o n
d s
P r a i s e
C o m p l i e s
B r i e f , p o l i t e ,
s t
a r t u p c o m m a n d
C
o m m a n d
T r a n s i t i o
n
S t a t e m e n t
“ I n 5 m i n u t e s .
. . . ”
C h i l d r e f u s e s
t
o g o t o
t
i m e o u t
W
a i t 5
s e
c o n d s C
o m p l i e s
P r a i s e
I f
… T h e n …
W
a r n i n g
D o e s n ’ t
C o m p l y
S a f e ,
b o r i n g p l a c e
N o A t t e n t i o n f r o m a n y o n e
1 m i n u t e p e r y e a r o f a g e
u p t o 5 m i n u t e s
D
o e s n ’ t
C
o m p l y
C h i l d c o m e s
o u t b e f o r e
i t ’ s o v e r
“ I
f y o u c a n ’ t s t a y i n t h e
T i m e O u t C h a i r ( p l a c e ) ,
t h e n y o u ’ l l g o t o t h e
T i m e O u t R o o m . ”
H a n d l i n g M i s b
e h a v i o r , # # # # # # #
©
T h e I n c r e d i b
l e Y e a r s C u r r i c u l u m
P a r t
4
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
•
N o
t i c e w
h e n y o u
r c
h i l d i s s t a r t i n g
t o g e
t f r u s t r a t e
d
a n
d a n g r y .
•
E n c o u r a g e y o u r c
h i l d t o t a l k a
b o u
t h i s o r
h e r
f e e
l i n g
s .
•
C u e y o u r c
h i l d b
y s a y
i n g ,
“ T e
l l y o u r s e
l f t o S T O
P ,
c a
l m
d o w n ,
a n d
t a k e
t h r e e
b i g b r e a
t h s .
”
•
E n c o u r a g e y o u r
c h i l d t o u s e p o s i t i v e s e
l f - t a l k b y
s a y
i n g ,
“ T e l l y o u r s e l f , ‘ I c a n c a l m d o w n ; I c a
n
h a n d l e t h i s , ’ ”
o r “ E v e r y o n e m a k e s m i s t a k e
s ;
w i t h p r a c t i c e I
c a n d o i t . ”
•
P r a
i s e y o u r c
h i l d ’ s s e
l f - c o n
t r o l a n
d a p p r o p r i a
t e e
x -
p r e s s i o n o
f f e e l i n
g s w
h e n e v e r y o u n o
t i c e
i t .
•
M o
d e
l s e
l f - c o n t r o
l a n
d a p p r o p r i a
t e f e e
l i n g
t a l k .
R E F R I G E R A T O R N O T E S
F O R T E A C H I N G
C H I L D R E N T O
M A N A G E T H
E I R A N G E R
P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4
© C a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
P r o g r a m 1 0 : T i m e O u
t C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 4
© C a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
•
N o
t i c e w
h e n y o u r c
h i l d i s s t a r t i n g
t o g e
t f r u s t r a
t e d
a n
d a n g r y .
•
E n c o u r a
g e y o u r c h
i l d t o t a l k a
b o u
t h i s o r
h e r
f e e
l i n g s .
•
C u e y o u r c
h i l d b y s a y
i n g ,
“ T e
l l y o u r s e
l f t o S T O P ,
c a
l m d o
w n ,
a n
d t a k e
t h r e e
b i g b r e a
t h s . ”
•
E n c o u r a g e y o u r c
h i l d t o u s e p o s i t i v e
s e l f - t a l k b y
s a y
i n g ,
“ T e l l y o u r s e l f , ‘ I c a n c a l m d o
w n ; I c a n
h a n d l e
t h i s , ’ ” o r “ E v e r y o n e m a k e s
m i s t a k e s ;
w i t h p
r a c t i c e I c a n d o i t . ”
•
P r a
i s e y
o u r c
h i l d ’ s s e
l f - c o n
t r o l a n
d a p p r o p r i a
t e e x -
p r e s s i o n
o f f e e
l i n g s w
h e n e v e r y o u n o t i c e
i t .
•
M o
d e l s e
l f - c o n
t r o l a n
d a p p r o p r i a
t e f e e l i n g
t a l k
.
R E F
R I G E R A T O R N O T E S
F O R T E
A C H I N G C H I L D R E N T O
M A N A G E T H E I R A N G E R
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
T i n y ’ s
A n g e r M a n a g e
m e n t S t e p s
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Yelling
Hitting
Threatening
Withdrawing
Stonewalling
Criticizing
Difficulty listening
Thinking narrow
Less open to new ideas
Calm
Pleasant
Able to problem-solve
Able to listen
Physiological
Signs
Behaviors Feelings
Furious
Contemptuous
Angry
Defensive
Guilt
Withdrawn
Frustrated
Depression
Irritated
Anxious
Worried
Alert/Interested
Receptive/Open to
Influence/Flexible
Calm
Happy
Confident
Content
Loving/Affectionate
Heart racing
Neck muscles tight
Chest Tight
Clenched fists
Teeth clenched
Headache
Shallow rapid breathing
Increased perspiration
Muscles tense
Pacing
Headache developing
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Program 10: Part 4, Time Out Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Feelings
Furious
Contemptuous
Angry
Defensive
Guilt
Withdrawn
Frustrated
Depression
Irritated
Anxious
Worried
Alert/Interested
Receptive/Open to
Influence/Flexible
Calm
Happy
Confident
Content
Loving/Affectionate
I’m so mad I could hurt…
S/he deserves to be…
S/he is no good/rotten.
What did I do to deserve…
It’s not my fault; it’s his/hers.S/he’s just like…
I was never like this.
I think s/he’ll end up in jail.
I don’t have time to deal with this.
I’m a bad parent (partner). I’m hopeless
Why me? This is too stressful.
It’s not working to stay calm.
It’s useless…
There’s no point in doing anything for him/her.
It never helps.No matter what I do, nothing changes.
S/he just throws it back at me.
I deserve this for what I did when…
My parents told me I was…(a criticism)
What’s going to happen when s/he’s a teenager?
I’m getting stressed; I need to take a personal Time Out.
Maybe this is too much for me to handle.
Maybe I’m not a good parent/spouse.I’m not sure I can do this.
When change occurs, it’s supposed to get worse
before it gets better.
I can make a difference to our future.
Stress is a normal part of any relationship.
This stage won’t last forever. Things will get better.
I can handle this; I can control my anger.
I can teach him to…
Problems occur so we can all learn to manage conflict.
I can talk to him about…and come up with some solutions.
We’ll manage; we all need learning trials.
Everyone makes mistakes.
I can help by…
His/her positive qualities are…
I’m a caring parent/partner because I’m trying by…
I stay calm most of the time.
I enjoy being with him/her, especially when we…
I love (appreciate)…
Self-Talk
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Continue using Time Out for aggressive behaviors.
Use the principle of “logical consequences” or privilege removal or work
chore for a misbehavior that occurs during the week and write the results
on the Record Sheet: Logical Consequences handout.
Choose a positive behavior to systematically give attention to through the
use of praise, reinforcement, and comments.
Describe a situation in which the child continues to misbehave, and try to
analyze why this is happening.
Chapter Seven, Natural and Logical Consequences, in The Incredible Years.
•
•
•
•
Caution: Remember to continue special time!
To Read:
Home Activities for the Week
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Parents Working Like Detectives: See What You’ve Learned!
Make a list of what strategies you would use for the following misbehaviors. Add
other misbehaviors you are wanting to manage.
Misbehavior Discipline Strategy
1. Hitting and shoving ______________________________
2. Refusal to do what parent asks ______________________________
3. Stealing ______________________________
4. Lying ______________________________
5. Refusing to do homework ______________________________
6. Not being home after school on time ______________________________
7. Smart talk/arguing ______________________________
8. Resisting doing homework ______________________________
9. Stomach aches and headaches ______________________________
10. Inattentiveness and impulsivity ______________________________
11. Leaving family room in a mess ______________________________
Home Activities for the Week
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Parents Working Like Detectives: See What You’ve Learned!
Make a list of what strategies you would use for the following misbehaviors. Add
other misbehaviors you are wanting to manage.
Home Activities for the Week
Misbehavior Discipline Strategy
12. Criticizing / ghting with a sibling ______________________________
13. Chores not done ______________________________
14. Missing school bus ______________________________
15. Leaving bike, other toys, and ______________________________other sports equipment outside
16. Exploding in anger / screaming ______________________________
17. Watching too much TV or computer games ______________________________
18. Hiding notes from the teacher ______________________________
19. Acting like a younger child ______________________________
20. Refusing to go to bed at bedtime ______________________________
21. Phone calls to/from friends when ______________________________homework/chores not nished
22. Swearing ______________________________
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Handout
RECORD SHEET: LOGICAL CONSEQUENCES
Example of Logical Consequences Child’s Response
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- loss of computer privilege for evening
(TV or telephone also options)
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Handout
RECORD SHEET: WORK CHORES
Example of Work Chores Child’s Response
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- 30 minutes of work (e.g., vacuum
downstairs, sort laundry, wash
windows, rake leaves)
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Write your own positive coping statements and
practice them during the week.
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Upsetting Thoughts Calming Thoughts
Handout
SELF-TALK IN PROBLEM SITUATIONS Identify a problem situation and the upsetting thoughts you have at the time. Write down some
alternative calming thoughts that you might use to redefine the situation. Next time you find
yourself using negative self-talk, give yourself some time to think positively and consider the alter-
natives available to you for dealing with the situation.
Problem Situation: ___________________________________
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
R E F R I G E R A T O R
N O T E S
A B O U T N A T U R A L A N D
L O G I C A L C O N S E
Q U E N C E S
P r o g r a m 1 0 : L o g i c a l C o n s e q u e n c
e s , P a r t 5
© C a r o l y n W e b
s t e r - S t r a t t o n
R E F R I G E
R A T O R N O T E S
A B O U T N
A T U R A L A N D
L O G I C A L
C O N S E Q U E N C E S
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e a n d f a i r .
• B e s u r e y o u
c a n l i v e w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e s y o u s e t u p .
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s i m m e d i a t e .
• G i v e c h i l d c
h o i c e o f c o n s e q u e n c e a h e a d o f t i m e .
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e n a t u r a l a n d n o n p u n i t i v e .
• I n v o l v e c h i l d w h e n e v e r p o s s i b l e .
• B e f r i e n d l y a n d p o s i t i v e .
• U s e c o n s e q u e n c e s t h a t a r e s h o r t a n d t o t h e p o i n t .
• Q u i c k l y o f f e r n e w l e a r n i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o b e
s u c c e s s f u l .
R e m e m b e r o n
c e t h e c o n s e q u e n c e i s c o m p l e t e d t o s t a r t o v e r
f r e s h w i t h a c l e a n s l a t e .
P r o g r a m 1 0 : L o g i c a l C o n s e q u e n c e s , P a r t 5
© C
a r o l y n W e b s t e r - S t r a t t o n
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s a g e - a p p r o p r i a t e a n d f a i r .
• B e s u r e y o u c a n l i v e w i t h c o n s e q u e n c e s y o u s e t u p .
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e s i m m e d i a t e .
• G i v e c h i l d c h o i c e o f c o n s e q u e n c e a h e a d o f t i m e .
• M a k e c o n s e q u e n c e n a t u
r a l a n d n o n p u n i t i v e .
• I n v o l v e c h i l d w h e n e v e r
p o s s i b l e .
• B e f r i e n d l y a n d p o s i t i v e .
• U s e c o n s e q u e n c e s t h a t a r e s h o r t a n d t o t h e p o i n t .
• Q u i c k l y o f f e r n e w l e a r n
i n g o p p o r t u n i t i e s t o b e
s u c c e s s f u l .
R e m e m b e r o n c e t h e c o n s
e q u e n c e i s c o m p l e t e d t o s t a r t o v e r
f r e s h w i t h a c l e a n s l a t e
.
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Program 10: Part 5, Logical Consequences © Carolyn Webster-Stratton
Parents Working Like Detectives: See What You’ve Learned!
Make a list of what strategies you would use for the following misbehaviors. Add
other misbehaviors you are wanting to manage.
Misbehavior Discipline Strategy
1. Hitting and shoving ______________________________
2. Refusal to do what parent asks ______________________________
3. Stealing ______________________________
4. Lying ______________________________
5. Refusing to do homework ______________________________
6. Not being home after school on time ______________________________
7. Smart talk/arguing ______________________________
8. Resisting doing homework ______________________________
9. Stomach aches and headaches ______________________________
10. Inattentiveness and impulsivity ______________________________
11. Leaving family room in a mess ______________________________
Home Activities for the Week
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Parents Working Like Detectives: See What You’ve Learned!
Make a list of what strategies you would use for the following misbehaviors. Add
other misbehaviors you are wanting to manage.
Home Activities for the Week
Misbehavior Discipline Strategy
12. Criticizing / ghting with a sibling ______________________________
13. Chores not done ______________________________
14. Missing school bus ______________________________
15. Leaving bike, other toys, and ______________________________other sports equipment outside
16. Exploding in anger / screaming ______________________________
17. Watching too much TV or computer games ______________________________
18. Hiding notes from the teacher ______________________________
19. Acting like a younger child ______________________________
20. Refusing to go to bed at bedtime ______________________________
21. Phone calls to/from friends when ______________________________