barefacts (1998-1999) - 3
TRANSCRIPT
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Issue 941 - Weekly Thursday 24th September 1998
News 2 n Features 3& 4 n Music 5/6 n Entertainments Guide 7. n Features 8Notices & Personals & Crossword 9 n Features & Reviews 10 n Surrey Pride 12
Sunday 20th September marked,
for the majority of the 1500 (or
so) freshers who moved in to
university accommodation, the
beginning of a brand new adven-
ture, a roller coaster ride if you
will, lasting the next four years
of their lives.
For those of the 150 intro week
helpers unfortunate enough to be
lumbered with the early morning
shift all this marked was an early
Sunday rise that followed a late
Saturday night. Casting aside
their hangovers, the helpers
stepped out into the bright
autumnal sunshine in their
resplendent shirts ready to wel-
come the newest members of the
University family into their
hearts.
Co-ordinated by the Unions
Student Affairs officer GillVenables, the day progressed
with alarming ease.
That was until a band of terror-
ists infiltrated a group of helpers.
These terrorists pretended to
operate as regular law abiding
helpers, ferrying freshers lug-
gage from car park 4 to the rele-
vant residences. As the
September sun illuminated a
peaceful campus there was little
indication of the carnage that
was soon to follow.
Witnesses remarked on loud, outof tune singing reverberating
from a red mini bus. As the bus
pulled up outside Stag Hill
reception, Louise Tinker, the
Liaison officer was bundled in to
the empty bus and whisked to a
secret location.
Over the next hour frantic efforts
were made to resolve the issue
with the kidnappers, operatingunder the name the Red Bus Bad
Boys (RBBB), making up to six-
teen separate demands ranging
from the release of Red Bus pris-
oners around the world to cheap-
er beer prices in the Union.
The Unions policy not to negoti-
ate with terrorists held firm as
the RBBB, a splinter group of the
Universitys rugby club, released
a shaken but healthy Tink, who
was heard to tell colleagues I
loved it.
As the Union dance floor felt thepressure of tiny fresher feet for
the first time this semester, a
relieved Gill Venables said,
Thanks very much to all the
intro week helpers who pitched
in on Sunday. It all worked out
really well, most of the helpers
seemed to have a laugh, I cer-
tainly did. The main thing is that
the freshers had a friendly wel-
come to Surrey.
For the freshers the adventure
has begun. For the rest of us it
is back into the same day to day
routine of working hard andplaying even harder.
1,500 Freshers in 12
Hours!!
The Red Bus Boys and co - celebrating another fine mission (above)
The sea of bags outside cathedral court (above) and Gill Venables, Student Affairs Officer, co-ordinating the
whole day (above right).Photos: Nadine Al-Said
Gavin Bermann reports back on the
busiest day of the year.
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2 News Thursday 24th September 1998 n
News in Brief9 Arrested For Omagh
BombingNine men have been arrested on suspicion of planting the
Omagh bomb. Early morning raids on several houses were
made in a joint operation by Irish police and the RUC.
The men have not been charged, and security sources willonly say they are being questioned about serious crime.
However, it is understood to be in connection with the
atrocity, which killed 29 people last month.
Police in Dublin were led to three suspects by the maroon
coloured car used in the attack, stolen some days earlier.
All nine are being held under legislation rushed through
the UK and Irish parliaments in response to the tragedy. It
allows courts to convict people who senior police officers
believe are members of paramilitary organisations.
Tab To Shift The FlabDubbed the Viagra of Obesity the latest wonder drug
was launched earlier this week.
Xenical is a tablet which stops the body digesting eaten fat
and was launched by the Royal Society of Medicine on
Monday.
Like Viagra it has been criticised for the expense it will
inflict on the NHS. There are also concern about the drugs
safety, which costs more than 1.50 per day when pre-
scribed.
Ford Cant Afford Its
WorkersFactory workers at the famous Dagenham Ford plant in
Essex are to have their hours cut. For six weeks the man-
ual staff will work the production lines for just four days a
week. The move is in response to declining exports. 4000
Employees will spend the 5th day doing other tasks and in
training.
100m World Record Holder
DiesFlorence Griffiths, the fastest women to run the 100m has
died.
While most women sprint the distance in just under 11 sec-
onds Griffiths managed 10.49 in 1988. She was accused of
drug taking but vigorously denied it. When threatened
with testing for dope she promptly retired, thereby retain-
ing the title and becoming immune from investigation. She
was killed earlier this week by an apparent heart attack.
University: Coursework is
BadIts official. London University has admitted that doinghomework can cause extreme tensions. Unfortunately
Dr Susan Hallam and Dr Richard of the Institute of
Education are only referring to the under 12s. They say it
can ruin family life, especially at weekends. (-we say the
research should be widened to include students -News Ed)
Dear Barefacts,
I, like many other similar minded people, attended the
Union free band this Sunday, and I would like to say how
thoroughly appaling the event was. At first, all the bars were
shut except one, preventing gagging students getting a
drink. This was tantamount to inciting a riot. The first thing
people want when they go to the Union is a drink, and to be
denied it by incompetent bureaucrats who cant work outwhen bar staff are needed is really, really bad.
It got worse though, when the drinks were actually served.
Almost everyone who bought something commented on
how rough it tasted. Was there a dead rat in the taps? Was
she running the bar? Its a sad state of affairs when the
freshers first trip to the Union would have left a sour taste
in their mouths.
So, I got my poisoned Guiness and went to sit back down
with my friends. But theyd all been called up to work
behind the bar, so instead, I decided to go and cover myself
with some young, fresh faces. I spent two hours searching
for a fresher, but everyone there seemed to be a pervy old
second year. Now, excuse me for thinking ahead, but does
this mean that this years freshers are going to spend the
whole of their lives hiding in their rooms on campus, afraid
to come out because they might meet someone interesting?
The band was jolly good though.
Vincent Cancellor.
To prevent themselves from being strapped for cash ( literal-
ly) UK universities must offer a larger range of degrees over
the Internet, especially if they wish to compete in the
expanding international education market, said Britains
most influential education adviser on Monday.
Lord Dearing, a man who originally ignored the financial
potential of international students, wrote in a special edition
of Economic Affairs, With the Internet, the World Wide
Web and the arrival of broad-bandwidth networks, the
pieces will be be in placeto change the game fundamen-
tally.
Lord Dearing also warns that the U.S and Australia togeth-
er catch more than 500,000 overseas students every year. He
also states, in his capacity of Chair of the National
Committee of Inquiry into Higher Education, that there is
scope for more partnerships between private companies and
Britains universities. Lord Dearing now maintains that
Britain ( a country that offers gold standard degrees) must
get a slice of the international student cake, a cake that is
now worth up to 40 billion.
However, keeping British students in the UK is as much as
a problem as attracting foreign ones, and so Lord Dearings
announcements have made various Vice-Chancellors a little
bit jumpy. They are also concerned about unwanted compe-
tition from foreign universities, and this caused a group of
them to join together in discussion. In the U.S, universities
already run a total of fifteen Internet-based degree pro-
grammes aimed at European students.
It is likely that Internet-based degrees will make many
Universities into potential gold mines. This is because uni-
versities supplying such a service will get tons of cash from
students, in particular those from overseas, without having
to see them or cater for them on university campus.
Instead, international Net students will be staring at a mon-
itor whilst sipping piping hot tea and tickling a family pets
chin. I imagine that universities offering such a learning
experience will get a nice pat on the back from various tele-
phone companies.
So, hats off to Net degrees; all of the education without any
of the tedious entertainment and alcohol. From now on, the
only sound we will hear on campus will be university tills
going, KERR-CHING!.
John Dear
Letters Net Degrees?Oh Dearing!
The Red Bus Boys capture yet another hostage.
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3n Thursday 24th September 1998The first of the new look Union events on
display this year was Outrage. Outrage is a
Wednesday special, a possible successor to
the phenomenally popular perennial
favourite, Silly Night. The idea is to shock,
outrage, and induce nauseous vomiting in
anyone who walks through the door of the
Union. On the strength of last weeks event,
it could well become one of the Unions top
nights. It pulled a modest crowd, standingup well against pressure from the
ManUtd.inc.Ltd. v. Barcelona match.
It opened with a dark boudoir on stage and
the sound of little Japanese men and women
grunting and screaming, but this turned out
to be little more than an incredibly violent
and bitter series of Tekken 3 fights. Free
beer was given away to the winner of these
brawls, but this was mere lubrication for the
horror to come.
A girl from the audience was invited up to
take part in a new electronic game. She was
asked to sit on what was called a Rucking
Bronco in the middle of the Black Boudoir.
As she got comfortable, a greasy, sweaty
engineer, built like a Big Mac,
connected two huge cables togeth-
er and Jeremy the Rucking
Bronco reared up from his moor-
ings and started playing Hold on
to my handles with the unsus-
pecting volunteer. She screamed,whether with delight or terror we
will never know, while the
Rucking Bronco performed
vicious ecstatic undulations
between her thighs.
The audience was agog and slight-
ly ill. The men could only watch
as girl after girl was sacrificed to
this vibrating beast. As the
evening drew on, Jeremy the
bouncing mannequin proved his
ability to move so much that no
girl could sit on him. The blokes
got their chance of an equally
rewarding ride when a scantily
clad female bronco replaced the
now surely exhausted Jeremy. The malepopulation of the Union, elected officers
included, could hardly contain themselves.
When the evening finally due to a close,
people tried to drag their melted spinal
columns down to Bojangles. But the seeds
of Outrage had already been planted. No-
one would ever walk properly again.
Romeo and JulietThis film will be showing on Thursday 24
september at 6.30pm and 9pm
LT G and will be FREE.
Priority will be given to Freshers but there is
no need to book so you can
come along and see Leonardo Dicaprio and
Clare Danes in one of the best
films of last year - for FREE.
Air Force OneWill be showing on Sunday 27th at 5pm and
8pm and on 28th at 8pm. Harrison
Ford stars as the U.S President James
Marshall in a heart stopping action
thriller. A Russian terrorist group claims
responsibility for the
hijacking of the presidents plane and threat-
ens to kill all 50 passengers,
including the first family and several cabi-
net members if their demands
arent met. Starring Harrison Ford and Gary
Oldman.
Arts CinemaNicholas and AlexandraIn the year in which the Tsar and his family
were finally laid to rest,
USAC is proud to open its Autumn season
with this epic story of joy,
sorrow, war and revolution. Starring
Michael Redgrave, Iam Holm and
Laurence Olivier. Showing at 8pm on
Wednesday 30th of September
LT G.
Please see the OFU notice board in the
union for further details. Buy your
season ticket during freshers week at the fair
or at the films for a reduced rate
Outrage? I nearly coughed.
The worlds biggest producer of genetically
modified crops has been bombarding us
with a multi-million pound advertising cam-paign in recent weeks. Full-page press
adverts by Monsanto, the worlds seventh
biggest company, have been seeking to per-
suade us that there is no problem with the
genetically modified crops it is developing.
Yet of late there has been a string of reports
which show exactly why we cannot trust
profit driven companies like Monsanto.
Evidence has emerged that genes - put in
crops like rapeseed and maize to make them
resistant to weedkiller can spread to weeds.
The result could be a new type of super-
weed, immune to existing controls. This
could cut the yields of the very crop the new
gene was supposed to boost.
Monsantos most profitable business is usinggenetic engineering to make crops resistant
to its Roundup pesticide. Genes can spread
from one crop to another through cross-fer-
tilisation between plants, with pollen carried
by wind. Bees also carry pollen from one
plant to another. Beekeepers warned last
week that they are worried new genes could
end up in the honey that bees produce.
Some of the genes involved are designed to
make crops resistant to certain antibiotics
which are widely used in agriculture.
Humans eating honey containing such genes
could find they become more resistant to
antibiotics too, with worrying medical con-
sequences. Biotechnology companies like
Monsanto have long claimed that such wor-
ries are misplaced. But recently research byone of the worlds top agricultural science
institutes painted a very different picture.
The Rowett Institute in Aberdeen had been
conducting a series of trials with types of
genetically modified potato. They found
that in some cases when the modified pota-
to was fed to rats it significantly lowered the
effectiveness of their immune system. Therecould be a similar risk to humans.
In the right hands genetic modification
could prevent millions of people from starv-
ing to death, as at present we cant feed the
worlds population. There is no reason why
modern science could not be used to further
modify crops for all our benefit. But under
the present economic climate huge compa-
nies which are only interested in profit push
through new genetically modified crops
without proper research and debate. Their
only concern is to get the crops approved for
sale as quickly as possible and so make vast
profits.
Governments could and should step in toimpose a ban on genetically modified crops
until the necessary research and debate have
taken place. Yet instead they bend to pres-
sure from big businesses. This is the case in
Britain with the business friendly New
Labour government. The head of the gov-
ernments Environment agency Lord De
Ramsey, is supposed to ensure the environ-
ment is protected. Yet at the same time he is
being paid by Monsanto to allow part of his
6,500 acre estate near Huntingdon to be
used to grow sugar beet which has been
genetically modified.
The governments advisory committee on
releasing genetically modified crops into the
environment was set up in 1992. The com-mittee has not refused a single application
from big business to release such a crop.
Friends of the Earth recently pointed to one
reason which might explain why. Eight of
the committees 13 members are linked with
the biotechnology industry.
WHY WE CANT TRUST GIANT MULTINATIONALSby Nick Walsh
Have your hair cut if you dare-
we will Fudge it up!
Hairtec24 Madrid Road
(01483)440414
Do you need somewhere quiet to study? Do
you need somewhere you can get guidance
and counselling when you need it? Do you
want full access to Internet resources
backed-up with tutorial support? Well, the
Universitys latest advice seems to be to go
to Tesco. As part of a 160,000 deal with
Guildford library, Tesco, and the Spectrum
Centre, Surrey is planning to start a chain of
UNICAFEs, a brand new type of cyber-
cafe. The pilot UNICAFE is being hosted
by the Guildford branch of Tesco, and will
be open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week once
its opened in Spring 1999. Advice and
guidance will be available at specified
times, and students will be able to study
interactively on the Net. If the cafe is
actually of any use, more will follow in the
town library and Spectrum leisure centre,
so no matter where you go, you can always
take your books with you - great! And
before someone says this is all a waste of
money, you dont need to worry - the pro-
ject is being funded entirely by a grant from
the European Social Fund. Tesco ... every
little helps. Matt Cook
Learn While you shop
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4 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n
If I had the opportunity to redo my degree, I would choose
a far easier course. Something along the lines of Crush
Science. Is that a BSc, BA or HND (Answers on a post-
card)? I could easily get a first. Any gorgeous girl I see, and
I am in love.
However, I am finding the modules on Relationship
Engineering and Relationship Management a tad too dif-
ficult to understand. The tutors are not very encouraging,
but the recommend textbooks are far from comprehensive.Fortunately, those nice people in the States have realised
that wisdom comes out of the mouth of babes. Babes, as in
Cleopatra the pop group not Cleopatra the Egyptian Queen.
To find out if this were true, they decided to carry out an in-
depth investigation. A lot of children were questioned on
love. The result of the survey resulted in Building and
Maintaining a Relationship for Dummies.
Is Love a good thing?
Im in favour of love as long as it doesnt happen when The
Simpsons is on television.
Anita, age 6
If falling in love is anything like learning how to spell, I
dont want to do it. It takes too long.
Leo, age 7
I have found an object of desire? How do I make them love
me.
Tell them that you own a whole bunch of candy stores.
Del, age 6
Dont do things like have smelly, green sneakers. You might
get the attention, but attention aint the same thing as love.
Alonzo, age 9
One way is to take a girl out to eat. Make sure its something
she like to eat. French fries usually work for me.
Bart, age 9
Ive asked said date out. What now?
On the first date, just tell each other lies, and that usually
gets them interested enough to go on a second date.
Mike, age 10
Whats the best way to kiss?
You learn it right on the spot when the gooshy feelings getthe best of you. Doug, age 7
How does one make love endure?
Dont forget your girlfriends name...That will mess up love.
Roger, 8
We really love each other. When do we get married?
84, because at that age you dont have to work anymore, and
you can spend all your time loving each other in your bed-
room.
Judy, age 8
(This is incredibly interesting for an 8 year old)
Finally, do you think being single is better than being
attached?
Its better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need
someone to clean up after them.Lynette, age 9
It gives me a headache to think about that stuff. Im just a
kid. I dont need that kind of trouble.
Kenny, 7
Thats cleared up a lot of doubts about the theoretical aspect
of the course. I just hope I get a good mark for the practical
lab sessions.
Pravin Jeyaraj
WE KNOWYOURE BROKESOWHY NOT BOG OFF!
(Buy One Get One For Free)Cattershall Lane, Godalming
Buy 1 Cider Cocktail (aprox A.B.V 8%) and get 1 FREE
Buy 3 pints of larger or ale and get 1 free T-shirt.
Name the cats, the dog the parrot and the GHOST - first cor-rect answer wins a T-shirt.
All offers available 7.30-9pm
EVERY NIGHT
EXCEPT MONDAYS AND WEDNESDAYS
WHERE IS THE RAM?
Off the A3100 between Guildford and Godalming. Turn left into
Cattershall Road, take second left after the Boathouse, then turn
immediately right, then left.
By train: The Ram is 8 minutes walk from Farncombe Station
which is one stop from Guildford on the Porstmouth line.
The Ram,THE PUB WITH A DIFFERENCE
Tel (421093)
........ SO, WHAT POSITIONS OF RESPON-
SIBILITY HAVE YOU HELD.....
GET SOME MANAGEMENT EXPERIENCE
NOW!!!
WE HAVE 5 PLACES AVAILABLE ON A MAN-
AGEMENT SKILLS PLACEMENT PRO-GRAMME.
SHOW THE EMPLOYERS YOU CAN DO
THE JOB
FOR 2 hours, ONCE A WEEK YOU CAN
RECEIVE A CERTIFICATE IN MANAGMENT
SKILLS (MINIMUM OF 6 WEEKS PARTICIPA-
TION)
HAVE IMPROVED YOUR COMMUNICATION
SKILLS
HAVE GAINED UNDERSTANDING OF THE
LOCAL EDUCATION SECTOR
HAVE THE VALUABLE WORK EXPERIENCE
THAT EMPLOYERS ARE SAYING THEY
WANT!
Placements begin 19th October 1998. Application
forms are available from Educational Liaison
Centre. Room 15 floor 5 Senate House,or call
Mary on 9920 for more information.
Relationships
Welcome back to the University of Surrey where
for most students three months, or a quarter of theyear will be spent on summer holiday. But how
exactly did you spend the last three months?
Working in a crumby supermarket, sheltering
from the rain, or waiting for A-level results? My
summer was spent sailing and driving speed boats
on a lake in North America with plenty or oppor-
tunity for white-water rafting, whale watching,
wind surfing (and lots of other things not begin-
ning with W), and a week exploring Boston and
New York. Lucky for some I hear lots of pen-
niless students grumbling, but the best part of my
summer is that it did not cost me a thing. The
secret...a working holiday on a childrens summer
camp organised by Camp-America. I now have
friends to visit all over the world, a brilliant tan
and something really good to put on my CV. I also
swear that I will never spend another summer inEngland.
The reason for writing this article is not simply to
gloat over those people who worked their arses
off at some crap job all summer and spent every
penny they earned down the pub with their old
mates from home, but to say that if you are at all
tempted to look for something more exciting for
summer 1999 dont just think about it and wait
for the weather to get warm again before you do
anything about it, (you could be here for ever if
this summers weather is anything to go by) start
looking now.
I decided back in February that I had grown out
of family holidays and it was time to do some-
thing about the fact that I had never been on anaeroplane before, and so I started to look for pos-
sible alternatives. Here are some of the opportu-
nities that I discovered, most of which had
already been filled by the end of March:
Jobs in Europe....bar work, bar work and more
bar work...running hot-air balloon trips in
France...Au-pair and Nannying...PGL holidaycamps for children...teaching English...holiday
reps.
Advantages- English language speakers are often
very much in demand.
- You dont need a Visa or work permit in a anoth-
er EU country.
Disadvantages- You usually need to speak anoth-
er language fairly f luently.
Jobs in the USA.... Childrens summer
camps...theme parks...Au-pair and
Nannying...holiday reps..conservation pro-
grammes...holiday camps.
Advantages- They speak English (apparently).
- There are lots of well established organisations
who will help you find work and sort out
all the bits of paper.Disadvantages- You need a Visa and work permit.
- You have to be twenty-one to drink alcohol.
Places to look for more information and contact
include the University careers library and Job
Shop, BUNAC, the Inter-net, Camp America, and
vacancies abroad sections magazines (particular-
ly The Lady if you are after Au-pair or
Nannying work).
A few last words of advice:
-Talk to everyone, you never know whose uncle
runs a bar in Thailand.
-Go with and established organisation who can
ensure you work and transport and help you to
organise any permits or Visas.
-Pass your exams, you cant come back half waythrough the summer for resits.
-Get a job now because you will probably spend
every penny you earn.
-Dont leave it too late, because believe me there
are plenty of other people looking for summer
work abroad.
Your Future
What did you do last summer?
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Features 5Thursday 24th September 1998 n
MUDHONEY
London, The Garage 11/9/98
It was back in 88 when
Mudhoney released their
Touch Me Im Sick single
and the Superfuzz Bigmuff
album, both defining
moments in the era that
became known as grunge.The album still remains one
of the highpoints of the Sub
Pop catalogue. Here they are
more than a decade later and
the band have not strayed far
from that original blueprint
for their sound, still sounding
like the bastard offspring of
the Stooges and the Sonics.
Perhaps they have taken the
time to slow down on occa-
sion, but little more. This set
is basically a showcase for
their forthcoming
Tomorrow Hits Today
album, with the majority of
the set being new songs,somewhat to the disappoint-
ment of the majority of the
crowd. The best of these new
songs is the recent single
Night Of The Hunted and the majority of them certainly are better on first appearance than
the material from their previous album. The crowd goes mental when the band play the
older material, Touch Me Im Sick obviously getting the biggest response. For the first
song of the encore, Good Enough the band are joined by Holly Golightly from Thee
Headcoatees, reprising a role she played with Rocket From The Crypt a few weeks ago.
Overall, this was a good show from Mudhoney, not great but certainly entertaining. I doubt
Mudhoney will ever be major players, they are a good band with a few great tunes, but they
will always be remembered for those songs. Rob Winder
REGULAR FRIES 13/9/98Live! In your union
Regular Fries are a new attempt in contemporary music to try and get away from the clichs
which are so glaringly present in the way many people perceive how a band should
approach all aspects of their act. Such as the way they come across on stage and the way
they sound. What you would call a head band as opposed to a heart band, in that they are a
large part the brainchild of former NME journalist Paul Moody. They are a nine piece who
comprise two vocalists, bass, drums, guitar, moog, keyboards, xylophone, and another per-
son who all add together to make a groove based, highly layered wall of sound. During the
interview they seemed a highly intelligent group, who seemed determined to avoid all thebanality of modern band stereotypes.
The band is now signed to Junior Boys Own (JBO), a highly respected dance label, home
to amongst others Underworld. They have been together just over a year, and have released
three records. The first was the joint double A side with Campag Velocet, called Dust It
Dont Bust It, which now retails at about 50, respectably gaining single of the week in the
NME. This was then re-released earlier this year and they are now touring to promote the
new free the Regular Fries EP which is released on the 21st September. When asked how
big they would like to get they promptly reply as big as INXS, so not lacking in ambition,
or irony either for that matter.
On Sunday night there was a good crowd considering that on campus there was only the
fourth years, but for the first time this year, the Union was opened up to people outside the
University, who are able to see small bands. This can only be a good thing as there is a
shortage of venues in Guildford, for the relatively new bands to play. Also new to Sunday
nights is that there is now two bands, rather than one, it should be a good opportunity to get
student bands to play in front of a willing audience. The support band tonight were calledHipslinky, a good time band, reminiscent of Reef, and maybe a loved up Pearl Jam, featur-
ing a drummer unafraid to get naked and a singer unafraid to talk meaningless babble in-
between songs, which can only be a novel yet good thing.
The Fries, trying a multimedia approach with television screens showing nothing really in
particular, trying to stimulate all the senses, at once. Having the audience hear the sounds,
see the band and the television screens, smell the incense which got sprayed and the dry ice
which you could taste (not quite so salient though that one). The first song Fries walk with
Me melds into the second song (sic) The Prayer which the band say is about the history
of the world, these t racks are by their own admission beyond politics, beyond specifics, butprobably about drugs. Each of the six songs played form a continuum of dub beats, spoken
and sung vocals thats difficult to separate into songs, but which climaxes in Dust it dont
bust it, a five minute plus sprawl through dirty atmospherics and dry ice. Throughout the
set its dance music which you cant really dance to, more an assured shuffle, but a good set
by an interesting band, even at times i t does seem more form than content.
Free the Regular Fries EP is out on Monday 21st.
By Nick Walsh
Skills DevelopmentDo you find presentations particularly
stressful? Worried about how you will
come across to others or that you wont
know what to say? Help yourself to take the
fear out of giving talks by coming along to
Presentations for the Petrified. This is aworkshop designed to give you extra confi-
dence for the future in an informal learning
environment and takes place on Friday 2
October between 12 noon and 2pm.
Also taking place soon is Activating
Assertiveness - Tuesday 29 September
between 6pm and 8pm and A beginners
guide to training on Wednesday 7
October between 2pm and 4pm. To get
more info or to sign up to these free ses-
sions, contact Rodney Bates by e-mail
([email protected]) or phone ext. 3177.
(Finally, will those people who talked about
Tourism in Spain, Bill Clinton,
Community Care, Health/Illness and This
Summer at a recent workshop please
contact me asap).
Being at the Spice Girls final show of the
Spiceworld tour was the biggest high of my
life. Not least because their music and per-sonality has defined the latter half of the
nineties.
As they entered from a spaceship, I knew
straightaway that this was going to be Out-
of-this-world experience. The background
music morphed into If you cant dance,
which sounds a hundred times better live
than recorded. Mel B (or is that G) took over
Geris vocals with an ease found only in
infant school maths.
Naked was bound to get testosterone lev-
els rising, as the girls performed (apparent-
ly) naked but with chairs covering the inter-
esting bits.
The girls constantly teased the audience,
and made jokes about Mel B and Victorias
growing waistlines, before launching intoToo Much.
A deafening cheer rocked the very founda-
tion of the stadium as Emma told Mel B that
her solo single Want You Back had gone
into the charts at Number One.
You could never tell that there had been a
fifth member. Not only had Geri been care-
fully edited out of most of the videos play-
ing on the screens behind the group, but
every voice of every song combined to form
a harmonising peace that the UN can onlydream off.
Sweetness reigned when Emma picked a lit-
tle boy out of the crowd to sing her special-
ity - the cover of the Supremes Baby Love
(probably the best of Spice solos). But it
was Mel Cs voice that was clearly the
strongest out of the four.
All the old favourites were played, from the
in-yer-face Wannabe, the discotastique
Who Do You Think You Are? and the gui-
tar-based Generation Next to the heaven-
ly sounds of the ballads (2 Become 1,
Viva Forever, and Too Much). And
everything in between. Mel C and B
excelled at the rendition of Sisters are
Doing it For Themselves
The Spice Girls made Chics We AreFamily into a classic sound, followed by a
burst of fireworks closed the show after two
hours.
As I left the stadium, I noticed the inane
grins on the younger fans faces. Combining
this vision with my own feeling of warmth
inside, I concluded that the Spice Girls are
from dead. Indeed, they shall live forever.
SPICE GIRLS - Wembley Stadium
Im finding it increasingly difficult to
squash water bottles. The new Evian 2 litres
are practically impossible. This problem
has developed dramatically in the past few
days ever since I lost my pet squirrel Volvic,
squashed mercilessly by my best friends
lime green Capri. Please help.Confused and pining,
Wey 2
Dear Confused and Pining,
You mustnt feel alone. Many people go
through the pain of losing a loved one, and
find different ways of coping. Looking on
the bright side, squashing water bottles
before you throw them away is an excellent
example of waste management. Why not
convert your frustration into an eco plight,
and persuade others to help you crush your
bottles? This way you find sympathy inyour suffering, fight for the eco well being
of the planet, and reduce those nasty slag
heaps. While youre at it try to persuade
your best friend to ride a bicycle. Because
lime green is an offensive colour.
Yours in empathy, Squealer
Dear Squealer
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8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3
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PLACEBO - You Dont
Care About Us (Hut)
After their song about
friends with breasts and all
the rest little Brian turns
his attention to people that
dont care. The sound seems
to have regressed back totheir early singles with
Bruise Pristine being an
easy comparison. So he
rhymes age with rage
but apart from that this is
another good few minutes of
whiny vocals and stressed
guitars. 8/10 A.T.
WONDERLAND -
Children Of The Sun
One look at the press release
confirms the worst, they are
a band that hang around
Camden Town a lot. The
music itself is very bratpop
but not really good enoughto shake the scene too much.
7/10 F.F
KINGS OF RHYTHM -
Bomb Da Loop (D:Disco)
At first look at this single I
found myself thinking that
this was a single that I was
going to hate but Im
pleased to announce that I
was pleasantly surprised.This is single is the better
end of Bos music which
is really rather good. It
sound a little bit like a
Renegade Master type thing
to me. 7/10 I.P.
DUB PISTOLS-Cyclone
(Concrete)
A pretty average dancey
type track made a little bit
funky by a trumpet to give a
laid-back feel. B-sides
include various remixes
including two by Stretch &
Vern, which while are pret-
ty bog standard, do havetheir moments. 6/10 D.N.
THE BEAUTIFUL
SOUTH - Perfect 10
At last a song that appears to
have been written with
anorexics in mind. The girl
described in the song is a
perfect ten but hides in a
size twelve. Not an unusual
situation I guess but the use
of this for a song (and by a
male band) has to be a bitstrange. Top marks for
group bravery but I dont
find the song that easy to lis-
ten to and it isnt anything
unusual. Basically it is a one
track single, has a rhythm
and some words sung
scratchily over the top. 5/10
G.T.
TUFF JAM - Need Good
Love (XL)
Top UK garage producers
and Kiss FM DJs combine
soulful vocals over a pump-
ing bassline, usual dance
rhythm, and 80s synths.Not bad, but typical of the
monotonous stuff littering
the UKs charts at the
moment. 5/10 J.R.H
AGE OF LOVE - Age of
Love (React)
First released 8 years ago,
this is an oldie which has
won loads of acclaim
throughout the years. It has
now been remixed by
Brainbug and JohnnyVicious to reasonable
effects. If you liked it the
first time round youll like
this too, if you thought it
was poor, well dont bother
then. A reasonable but
repetitive 5 / 10 M.D.
REGULAR FRIES - Free
The Regular Fries (JBO)
The vocals are very interest-
ing, seeming calming and
effortless, almost to being
slightly out of tune.
Unfortunately the group
have decided to add an
inescapable (and annoying)beat, which takes over the
whole track, ruining what
could have been a decent
song. Lock up the Regular
Fries, dont free them! 3/10
E.C.
SPINESHANK - Strictly Diesel
(Roadrunner)
Strictly Diesel starts off with a very
Nine Inch Nails type intro, which after
about 30 seconds, dissipates into
Sepultura-esk vocals. The NIN style
backing continues throughout the
album, with the initial vocals on the
7th track 40 Below sounding some-
thing nearer Marilyn Manson. Its
worth buying for the groups interpreta-
tion of George Harrisons While MyGuitar Gently Weeps on its own, let
alone with songs like Intake,
Detached and Grey. An outstand-
ing album. 9/10 E.C.
TRAFFIC - An Introduction to
heavenly music
Traffic are a fun group. The album
starts with a warm 60s rock sound and
then follows up with an acoustic song.
Traffic would probably be even better
when seen live. The whole album
sounds great and would be a really
good CD for a long drive. The style of
music doesnt demand your attention
but it is well worth listening too. A lit-
tle different. 8/10 G.T.
FAITHLESS - Sunday 8pm (Cheeky
Records)Faithless are back, with a new album
and single. The single being God is a
DJ. The album is based on home and
personal relationships. Every track is
different and explores a different
aspect of the theme, a perfect reflec-
tion of any of our lives at any
moment, is how they describe it,
which seems appropriate. Beautiful
varied music. 8/10 M.D.
SWELL-For All The Beautiful
People (Beggars Banquet)
It seems wierd to find a band with the
gentle, sublime kookiness of
Sparklehorse and penchant for
obscure organ and synth noises akin to
Nick Cave. The tracks vary from
very calm, to the slightly rocky, and to
the downright bizzarre. O.K so thisband may not go very far, but if you
find yourself enjoying the song sung
by Oscar the talking piano, then you
will probably follow them for life.
8/10 D.N.
SALAKO - Reinventing
Punctuation (Jeepster)
An impressive collection of catchy
tunes and imaginative lyrics that will
brighten the dullest of days! These
guys have what thousands of bands
around the world seem to have forgot-
ten is one of the essential ingredients
to making good music.. ORIGINALI-
TY!! However, sometimes the guys go
a bit over the top, and you begin to
wonder if youre stereo is playing up...
so, if you like a bit creativity, buy
this...if you dont..well dont. 8/10
G.C.
LOCK STOCK AND TWO SMOK-
ING BARRELS OST - V/A (Island)
Highlights here include Fools Gold
by the Stone Roses and I Wanna Be
Your Dog by the Stooges, also check
out the intercut dialogues from the
film... better than Pulp Fiction???
ummm.... go and see for yourself!!
7/10 G.C.
UNKLE - Psyence Fiction (Mo
Wax)
DJ James Lavelle together with semi-
nal atonal hip hop producer and com-
poser DJ Shadow produce this 12
twelve track album. It features some of
the most notable names around today
such as Richard Ashcroft, Thom
Yorke, Mike D of the Beastie Boys,
Jason Newstead of Metallica amongst
others. A large part of the album
sounds as good as should do on paper,
especially on the couple with strings
arranged by Will Malone who did the
strings for Massive Attacks
Unfinished Sympathy. The album is
let down though by second rate
American alternative sounding trash
from artists like Badly Drawn Boy and
Alice Temple. The album is very dark
sounding and maybe too claustropho-
bic for my liking. If your in the right
mood then this is the perfect sound-
track. 7/10 N.W.
NATALIE MERCHANT - Ophelia
(Elektra)
The second solo album from the for-
mer leader of 10,000 Maniacs sees
Natalie Merchant taking a new
approach to her music. Ophelia is
perhaps best described as a collection
of folk songs, however these are
backed by lush arrangements includ-
ing orchestras and multi-layered har-
monies performed by a host of guest
musicians. Natalie Merchant is proba-bly the forerunner of the likes of Jewel
and Sarah McLachlan. Ophelia is by
no means a pop album, it requires a
great deal of attention to fully appreci-
ate its beauty, but that attention cer-
tainly has its reward. 7/10 R.W.
PURESSENCE - Only Forever
(Island)
Puressence are epic, with towering
vocals and classical rock guitar. First
track Sharpen Up The Knives relies
on the old trick of quiet-loud-quiet-
loud, although in a far smoother way
than most bands. An easy reference
point (especially with the use of
strings) is Geneva, or Mansun at their
less eclectic moments. The lyrical con-
tent is the usual array of real emotions,
which sounds as powerful or as
cliched as you feel. On the whole
though Only Forever is a thoroughly
moving album, but not one for Friday
nights. 7/10 A.T.
FREE - Walk In My Shadow: An
Introduction to... (Island)
As the title suggests this CD is devised
to introduce new listeners to the music
of Free, and I suspect Island hope it
will lead to back catalogue sales.
Wishing Well is undoubtedly the best
known song here, but Fire And
Water and Heartbreaker highlight
the band at their best. The combinationof Paul Rodgers bluesy voice and
Paul Kossofs electrifying guitar play-
ing were the basis of Free and are
worth hearing. A worthwhile introduc-
tion to the band, but still a cynical
marketing excersise. 6/10 R.W.
RODDY FRAME - The North Star
(Independiente)
5 albums down the road, Frame is
finally ready for his first solo outing.
Reknowned for his clever lyrics, these
are definitely still apparent, but all too
often the catchy hooks of previous
work are missing. Furtherly, his, often
over-complicated lyrics, sound
forced into the music. Beautiful,
these words may be, but out of place
they more often are. Although these
jangly guitar-pop poems seldom hit
the mark, there are one or two high-
lights. Slightly disappointing. 6/10J.R.H
JOHN MARTYN - An Introduction
To Serendipity (Island)
Mr Martyn has produced an album of
simple and soulful songs. All the
songs seem to be a variation on the
same recurring theme, and becomes a
bit tedious after a few spins. 5/10
O.C.
SNOW PATROL - Songs For
Polarbears (Jeepster)
Its all very lo-fi but has the unfortunateproperty that you cant hear the lyrics
well. It sounds a bit like Pavement and
a lot like Sebadoh. An uninspiring
affair. 5/10 I.P.
BILLY BRAGG & WILCO -
Mermaid Avenue (Elektra)
This isnt Billy Bragg at his best, it
doesnt compare with songs such as
Waiting For The Great Leap
Forward. What we have here is Billy
Bragg doing, what he describes as
Folk, and Im not overly impressed.
3/10 G.D.
VIC CHESNUTT - Replenished
(Pinnacle)
The only good thing worth mentioning
is the albums artwork. O.C 3/10
6 Music Thursday 24th September 1998 n
SINGLES
DELAKOTA - Cmon Cincinnati (Go Beat)
Re-released single to tie in with Delakotas first album
One Love released on the 21st. September. The first time
round it was only a limited edition white label record. A
funky laid back groove, with raw, yet melodic singing over
the top. Not as good as previous single The Rock, which
was the single of the summer. The new album promises to
be one of the year from a group who arent afraid to exper-
iment. 8/10 N.W.
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
ALBUMSPULSARS - Pulsars (Almo)
More knowing lo-fi, synchro pop
wizardry from Midwest America,
this time courtesy of Pulsars.
Lucky Day Part 2 is gorgeously
desperate with faux punk tenden-
cies, while Das Lifeboat shim-
mers with a Tony Visconti (Bowie)
orchestral strings arrangement.
Cleverly they frame many of songs
within retro technology imagery -
not of course clever in its own
right, but given the influence of
retro technology in producing the
myriad of swirls and croons joining
the gaps between squeaks and
bleeps, it is. Indeed Technology
mourns wasted love with a fuzzed
up eighties synchro intro recalling
New Order. 9/10 D.J.
ALBUM OF THE WEEK
This weeks reviews by:
Denise Nicolson, Ian Purvey, Frank
Fraulo, Nick Walsh, Emma Clark,
Andrew Thomas, Mario Dias, Gemma
Decent, Georgina Tarrant, Rob Winder,
Gabriel-Oliver Chanero, James
Hemingway, and Daniel Jones
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Thursday
1st
Friday
25
th
Saturday
26th
Sund
ay
27th
Monday
28th
Tuesd
ay
29th
Wednesday
30th
Entertainments Guide 7n Thursday 24th September 1998 GIG GUIDEIt is always advisable to confirm with the
venue before travelling.
Friday
2nd
Saturda
y
3rd
Cineline - (01483) 578017
21.00 Game On
18.00 TFI Friday21.00 Friends22.00 Frasier23.05 South Park
22.25 The X-Files
17.25 TOTP 2
22.30 Never Mind theBuzzcocks21.00 Film : TheProfessionals
20.00 Ballykissangel23.30 Heart of the Matter
18.45 Star Trek : Voyager22.50 Film : Shaft
12.25 & 23.20Luxembourg Grand Prix
23.25 Chicago Hope
21.30 Red Dwarf
21.00 Liverpool 1
21.00 Film: Trade Off
20.00 Match of the Day22.35 Film: Airplane
20.00 The Bill21.00 Supply & Demand
22.00 Ultraviolet
22.00 Smith and Jones22.35 Film: Jaws
18.00 Star Trek :TNG
14.30 THe Big Match
22.00 Ally Mc Beal
22.20 Clive Anderson Alltalk
21.30 Undercover Heart
21.00 Third Rock From theSun
15.55 Scoobydoo
19.30 TOTP20.00 Fawlty Towers
18.00 The Simpsons21.30 Game on21.00 Friends
18.00 TFI Friday23.35 SouthPark
MISERY LOVES COMPANY, IRONMONKEY, MEDULLA NOCTE -London Garage (0181 9630940)
REGULAR FRIES - Reading Alleycat(0118 956 1116)
ME FIRST AND THE GIMMEGIMMES - London Garage (0181 9630940)
LAIKA - London Garage (0181 9630940)
REPUBLICA - London Astoria (0171434 0403)RIALTO - London Criterion
BABYBIRD - London PeacockTheatreBETA BAND - Portsmouth
Wedgewood Rooms (01705 863911)SPIKE - London BorderlineDEPECHE MODE - London WembleyArena
BETA BAND - London ElectricBallroomDEPECHE MODE - LondonWembley ArenaSPIKE - London BorderlineTRICKY - Portsmouth PyramidCentre (01705 358608)
DELGADOS, SIX BY SEVEN -London Union Chapel
KING - London Garage (0181 9630940)ROCKET FROM THE CRYPT -Portsmouth Pyramid Centre (01705358608)
ULTRAVIOLENCE, GENERATION X-ED - London Garage (0181 9630940)FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS -Portsmouth Guildhall (01705 824355)
FUN LOVIN CRIMINALS - London
Brixton AcademySPARKLEHORSE - LondonShepherds Bush EmpireONE MINUTE SILENCE - LondonGarage (0181 963 0940)
21.25 The X-Files
22.30 Never mind theBuzzcocks
21.00 Londons Burning
GIGOFTHEWEEK
EELS - London RoyalFestival Hall
INYOURUNION
Electrasy
From Friday 25th Sept toOctober 1st 1998
Fri & Sat (25th / 26th)
Theres Something about Mary13.10 16.00 18.50 21.40
Lethal Weapon 4
12.15 15.15 18.10 21.05
The Horse Whisperer (3h&10-mins)
13.10 16.55 20.35
Saving Private Ryan
12.35 13.30 16.10 17.10 19.50 20.50
Armageddon
15.10 21.10
Dr Doolittle
14.15 16.15
The Land Girls
18.15 20.55
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
14.30 17.00 19.30 22.00
The X-Files
12.30 18.25Lost in Space
11.55
Deep Rising
14.10 16.40 19.15 21.50
Sun - Thurs (27th-1st)Theres Something about Mary
12.25 15.05 17.50 20.40
Lethal Weapon 4
12.15 15.00 17.45 20.30
The Horse Whisperer (3h&10-mins)
12.30 16.00 19.30
Saving Private Ryan
12.10 12.40 15.45 16.10 19.20 19.45
Armageddon
14.30 20.05
Dr Doolittle14.05 16.05
The Land Girls
18.05 20.45
Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels
13.00 15.30 17.50 20.20
The X-Files
12.00 17.35
Lost in Space
12.35
Deep Rising
13.00 15.35 18.10 20.50
Open Mon - Fri
9:00 - 2.30pm
selling sandwiches,
crisps, drinks andsnacks
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8 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n
What is Nightline?
Nightline is the confidential listening and
information service run for students and by
students at Surrey. We try to 8pm to late and
have a male and female Nightliner on duty
to answer calls ranging from Pizza and Mini
Cab phone numbers to chatting to lonely
students. We also talk to callers about more
serious issues as well as accepting drop in
callers. We offer free condoms including
gay friendly condoms and sell Personal
Attack Alarms for 1. Well even phone you
back if you cant pay for the call..
Where is it?
Our office is discretely located below
Surrey Court reception between Wandle and
Wey houses.
What experience do I need and what will I
get out of it?
None - full training is given, but you do
need to be a certain type of person.
Nightliners need to be caring and sincere,
empathetic, and able to guarantee confiden-
tiality.
As for the benefits read the accompanying
account of being a Nightliner
What commitment is involved?
As much as you like. We can always give
you duties, but equally you can bow out for
a while when work gets too much. There are
opportunities for you to help run the service
if you wish and ultimately become a senior
Nightliner offering support to less experi-
enced members of the service.
Contact
Leave a message on our answer phone inter-
nal: 4747 or external 537210 leave a note in
our pigeon hole in the union, or e-mail us:
[email protected]. or come along to
our meetings on Tuesdays at 7pm. 29th Sept
and 6th Oct in TB11 and 13th Oct. in TB22
(AGM)
Being a Nightliner.
I didnt think I would be any good as a
Nightliner, it was my mum who suggested I
should do it. My often spoke to me about
their problems but wasnt sure if I could doit for real. I went for training so I know
what to do in different situations, but at that
point I still wasnt sure if I wanted to actu-
ally do duties. But I stuck with it, and Im
glad I did.
Most duties are quiet. it could just be giv-
ing out a few condoms, a taxi number and
Pizza+ opening hours. But, by doing that
means that potentially you have prevented a
pregnancy and the spread of STDs, ensured
someone arrived home safely and that
another caller had their pizza!
Whoever the caller, knowing that you have
been there providing information or a listen-
ing service for them gives a great sense ofsatisfaction. and, in the morning, you carry
round the fact that you have helped fellow
students.
As well as the feeling of satisfaction, you
also get to meet other students who you
wouldnt have otherwise and friendships
can grow. you will also improve your inter-
personal skills such as communication and
listening skills, and have greater confidence.
All things employers want.
So, whats it like being a Nightliner? it can
be hard work, but the satisfaction it gives
and the skills and f riends gained, more than
make up for it.
Over the summer, your Union has been
working really hard to offer some t raining to
senior residents. You might have met your
senior resident by now - theyre usually the
ones making the most noise! - and if you
havent, I suggest you turn your stereo up
outrageously loud, which will force them to
come and tell you to shut up! Basically,
they are final years or post-graduate stu-dents, living on campus, who agree to help
the court wardens manage the day-to-day
running of accommodation. They try to
keep all the residents under control, from
strongly encouraging people to wash up
their skanky plates to breaking up an ille-
gal party(?).
Ive thought for some time that senior resi-
dents often have to fend for themselves a
bit, and it would be good if we could get
them all in the same room and talk through
some of the problems that regularly crop up
on campus. So a few of us set to work in
devising a training schedule that the Union
could run, in consultation with the wardens.
Senior Residents Training is an interactive
workshop - you actually have to write stuff
down, rather than having a typed hand-out.
It covers topics such as your role, how to
cope with homesickness, noise, parties, dis-
putes and untidiness as well as giving a full
list of other people in University and the
Students Union who are here to help out.
The workshops are presented by Rodney
Bates, the Skills Development Co-ordinator,
who is ably assisted by Dr Mark Biggs, the
warden of University Court, Gill Venables,
Student Affairs Officer and me (Harriet
Sims, President).
The first workshop took place last
Wednesday, to a modest number of budding
residents - thanks to all of you who came
along. It was always going to be a learning
experience, as this is the first time weve
ever attempted this type of training. I have
to say, though, it went fantastically well. I
really enjoyed myself (I love doing Carol
Vordermann stuff on flip-charts), and I think
the training, if nothing else, gave people
something to think about. Im looking for-
ward to meeting more of you at the next
workshop, which promises to be informal,
informative and unmissable.
The next workshop is a repeat of the last
event, and takes place on Wednesday 30thSeptember, from 6-7pm in Lecture Theatre
A. If youre a Senior Resident in need of
some top-quality training, then come along -
you even get to keep the workbook! Dont
forget to bring a pen, but leave your warden
at home!
Senior Residents get Training! Nightline
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Notices & Personals 9n Thursday 24th September 1998
NoticesTrolley & Parking
Please, please could all students parking
locally near to the University, park sensibly
and avoid blocking roadways and emer-
gency access routes. The relationship
between the University and the local
Community is very good and mutually ben-
eficial. Many residents in the area find itfairly annoying to have a constant stream of
Tescos trolleys rattling past their windows
and abandoned in their gardens and similar-
ly they do not appreciate clapped out old
student cars parked for months at a time out-
side their homes. If students at least moved
their cars on a regular basis it would save
the residents from looking at the same vehi-
cle for a whole season. As for the trolleys,
well I appreciate that it is a practical way to
get your shopping back to campus but it
would be much appreciated if at the very
least the trolleys for senior residents and
those with special needs were not used.
Do you want to make noise?Do you want to drink beer?
Do you want to get addicted?!
Learn to ring a bell with the University of
Surrey Society of Change
Ringers and before you know it youll be
ringing in the Millennium! You
dont need to be musical, its completely
free, and theres plenty of
opportunity to drink beer in the pub after-
wards!
Interested? Contact ch61hm for details or
see us at Freshers Fair.
Go on, you know you want to - we dont
bite!
Feeling Hungry Yet ?!! Learn some tasty but nutritious recipes
Make new friends Have a laugh
English, foreign or vegetarian - its your
choice
Let a final year do all the hard work
The aim is to provide a course that will run
over 5 weeks to help Freshers with limited
cooking expertise to gain confidence in the
kitchen. The recipes will be simple, quick
and tasty but nutritious, with the emphasis
being on fun. All you need to do is sign up
by contacting Margaret on ms52mp or come
and see us at the Freshers Fair.
Want to teach a fresher to
cook? Impress the freshers with your culinary
skills
Learn some new recipes
Make new friends
Have a laugh
Share your expertise
Develop your communication skills
Put it on your CV
All you need to do is follow a recipe. All
the ingredients will be provided. Help a few
freshers to learn to cook healthy and nutri-
tious food for themselves and receive a cer-
tificate in return. It couldnt be easier! To
let us know if you want to be a Head Chef
contact ma51vv.
Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual SocietyMeetings every Tuesday at 8pm in TB20b
or email [email protected]
Nightline AGM:Tuesday 13th October, 7pm TB22.
Attendance by all Nightliners is vital.
Including first years!
Calling all drumers - want to be in a band
call simon 0181 760 5110 or email sscan-
Sailing Club AGM - Week 5 Tuesday6pm TB21
Singapore Society AGM - 7thOctober - 7pm - LTL
s 2nd year CIT studentseeks young, attractive
male companion. Please
contact Sarmad.
s Sloppies count now at 3
all wookie!
s Can we have the heateron in STAG HILL
COURT??? Its bloody
freezing at night!!
sI smell Freshers -Laruso magic is on its way!
s C and D sitting in the
tree, blah blah blah I N G
s Emmas, However didyou find such attractive
housemates?? (ie T&A)
s J should I come to yours
or Emmas???
s claire haggett - sooty wasnice, must try the teletub-
bies!love the woolster
s Any lonely female fresh-ers, then contact the
University of Surreys
American football team.
s Whos that poser with an
R.S.turbo? :- ask thealdershot road gang !!
s Musky youre the scent
of my life, Sarah
s Neil dont ba ba ba in
public
s STEFANO - you bang
my drum!!!
s Oh my god, they killedKenny, YOU
B*STARDS!!!!!!!
s Pereklies & Ajai got sentto Hazel Farm. Now thats
what I call INJUSTICE !s Houssewife - have they
suddenly become Germans?
s Deidre wanking in othersbeds aint too nice! love
Neil
s I think Im going to stickto pulling blokes-Jon (and
only after one pint) SEND
him our love
s England 27 - Wales 2.Bad luck. better than 58 - 6
I suppose!
s SSS-SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
AALLLLLLLLLLLLL-
LLEEEEEEEEEEE -
youre fabs Fingers, I thought thatthis year you were going to
remember your birthday!!!
s Emma snogging herhousemate, aboSLUTely no
way!!! Its LURVE!!
s Who was that stick insectplaying guitar in the union
on Sunday ?
s Ta to everyone that sup-ported the gig on Tuesday -
Housewife
sFingers, fancy a southernor 4
s Even when Im away, Ican still get personals in.
Know who I am yet?
Eeyore!
s Where is the Hairy Man
?
s Nim, Please get in touch
soon, You go girl, Mel
s SHEEP, DUCK &TURKEY, Nomore, will
cast a spell on you!!!!
s 6 months today! See you
tomorrow!
s Boo !
s DBC, broken any mirrors
of late, love S&Ms maybe the next hunk of afrog that comes my way
will not be plastic
s Have you ever seen a girlwith an afro and a kilt?
Well, you have now!
s Laura - have you chris-
tened your table yet?
s Pesky, theres a fishysmell coming from your
fish tank.
s the library restaurant
girls are back,so if youwant food on a saturday,
watch out!!(open 10 till 2)
s Oi 7375, How manyfreshers are you going after
this week. -WG
s Has anyone been to the
fresh meat market yet!
s To the Brockles Meadboys - thanks for every-
thing, love Bob.
s Al, Matt - its cool tolive with ginger and scary,
init
s Duracell-No-one feelssafe going to Wales with
you after last time. -WG
sJez, what is bernies
friend like
s Louise, visit me soon!
Love Jo.
s denise, get it out and
pierce it !!!!!!!
s Am I the only personthat thinks Jessica is gor-
geous???
s Spidey, how is robos
kate?
s Coxy, coast is clear
phone Bindy Bargy
sBack on the munters thenDim Sum you seedless
jaffa!!!
s have fun, but beware of
the chicken he he he
s Big D.M. - You Dig onSwine, you F***ing
Gimp! - relax Buddy, its a
joke!
s Im not fat.... Im festive-
ly plum.
s Seaman Staines on thesofa then Jakers, need we
say more? Or should we
say mingpiece?!
s Have a great first yearsarah! On taime! Papa
maman isy & tadgh.
s Big L is in need ofsome Gut Marie! - Can
you assist her Big D?s Oh my god, they killedkenny!!!!! You
b*****ds!!!!
sTo D or not to D, eh Sam
& Sven
s To all 1st year girls,avoid Jaime C and Jude D
like the plague. luv Adam
sHappy Spangling Hanah
Across
1. To set free (8)
5. Fail to catch (4)
9. Mirthful (5)
10. To alleviate (7)
11. Morose (6)
12. Played a part (5)
14. Educational Establishment (6)
16. Remember (6)
19. To uplift (5)
21. Surplus (6)
24. A moment (7)
25. Marine Mammal (5)
26. Greet affectionately (4)
27. Intrepid (8)
Down
1. A swelling (4)
2. Town with corporation (7)
3. Regal (5)
4. A crowd (6)
6. Fatuous (5)
7. In quick time (8)
8. Later part of life (3,3)
13. Star shaped mark (8)
15. Expenditure (6)
17. Mitigate (7)
18. Take up abode (6)
20. Fools (5)
22. To cringe (5)
23. A muddle (4)
Solution to crossword no. 76
Across: 1.urge 3.agitator 9.tempest
10.Incas 11.until 12.egg-nog 14.Henry the
Fifth 17.enamel 19.realm 22.hoist 23.hair-
dos 24.disgorge 25.onus
Down: 1.untaught 2.gamut 4.go the whole
hog 5.tying 6.tick-off 7.rusk 8.medley
13.chemists 15.nannies 16.firkin 18.motto
20.Auden 21.thud
Crossword compiled
by Jeff Blackham
Crossword 77
-
8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3
10/12
Isnt it amazing how carpet can be so deceptive. I
mean, you think its just one simple shade, but
when you really look up close - when youre using
it as a crutch when the rest of the world is spinning
violently, you may well find a variety of coloured
tufts. Of course it does depend on the quality of thecarpet in question.
A bog standard student-house carpet may only
have mono-colour tufts, however long you may
spend trying to add your own, or simple imaging
that there are faces in it. But a good quality
Axeminster for example. Now in a carpet of this
quality, there is bound to be a veritable rainbow of
tufts.
I suppose its like colour printers really. You think
theres only one colour in black. But then your car-
tridge begins to run low and you end up with pink
text. Bloody annoying really. Especially when
youve got an assignment to be in next morning.
And hair. People describe themselves as havingblonde or brown or ginger. But when you really
look at it. Really get in among the roots so to speak
- theres a multitude of follicle complexity. A mate
of a mate of mine once had a friend posing as a gin-
ger. But get this - she had a big clump of grey just
hanging there. Bizarre. But no really. Check out
your hair. You too have undiscovered highlights
just waiting to be found.
And yes - it may well be GCSE physics but arent
prisms just the best. And those glass things that
hang from windows and blind you. Splitting white
light into colours. Better than Paul Daniels that.
Mind you it doesnt take a lot....
Actually, the five lit re bottle has a fair few colours
in it when the old sunshine pours through it. NoPeach Schnapps in it though. Will keep you post-
ed.
10 Features Thursday 24th September 1998 n
Spin by Tim Geary(Coronet Books, 5-99)
Alistair Campbell (Labour spindoctor) would do well to read this cleverly
written satire of the American soap-watching public. It would, no doubt,
keep him prepared for the eventual Blair backlash.
Alex is the presidential spin doctor, when the President is embroiled in an
abuse of power scandal. To protect him, he is transferred to the post ofFirst Ladys campaign manager who is going to run for office.
Max is the headwriter for American soap, Unto the Skies, which is suffer-
ing from falling ratings. He thinks he can remedy this, and agrees to go
unpaid until then.
Annie is a struggling actress, making a living from stage shows and failed
auditions. Could she be Alex and Maxs only hope?
By successfully combining the worlds of soap opera and politics to explore
the ever-increasing confusion between substance and style, Geary has pro-
duced a novel that is so relevant in a country where The Sun ran a Free
Deirdre campaign.
Pravin Jeyaraj
Dear Russ
Its recently dawned on me that
I dont know what to do when I
leave, and Im not even sure
Ive got time to find out! Can
you help?
Dear Susan
I expect the thought of making
the most of your last year here,
getting a good degree and trying
to decide what to do when you
leave is pretty daunting. Let me
say right away that you could
delay the whole career thing until
after you graduate. Last year
quite a lot of graduates got their
jobs after theyd left Surrey.
There are good reasons, though,
for doing at least some of your
thinking and preparation while
youre still here.
For a start, there are loads ofthings going on at Surrey over the
next few months which could be
too good to miss. For example,
we have our annual Careers Fair
on Thursday 8 October when you
could talk informally to people
from nearly 50 organisations.
Then theres a series of careers
talks given by careers staff and
invited speakers. You could
come along to a seminar to sharp-
en up your interview technique or
you could try a practice aptitude
test.
The Careers Library is definitely
worth a visit. A good place to
start would be to look at the file
marked Your degree ......what
next? which youll see as soon
as you walk in through the door.
This will give you ideas about
what to do when you leave. You
could even have a go on our
careers computer. By the way,
careers advisers and information
staff are always around to helpyou should you need it.
If youd like to know more about
any of these things - why not pick
up a copy of our Job-Hunters
Starter Pack next time youre
passing. In case you havent vis-
ited us before, we live next to the
Accommodation Office in the
Philip Marchant Building.
I would just like to mention one
more thing before I close. If you
would like a job straight after you
graduate and would like to work
for one of the major graduate
employers like Mars or Esso, then
you simply have to meet their
deadlines, often before
Christmas, to stand any chance.
Early applications for other
options such as teacher training
are also advisable. Our Vacancy
Bulletin, which you can view on
www.mis.surrey.ac.uk/misweb/ca
reers/home.htm will keep you up
to date with their requirements.
Russ ClarkCareers Service
G & Ta late night conversation......
Book review
Game review - UnrealThis game is the latest in a line of titles from various games publishers
to produce the best 3D game around. Unreal, at the moment, quite possibly
is. The storyline is basically that you are onboard a prison ship that has
crash-landed. The crew is dead. As you wander around the wreckage you
hear the moans of the last people aboard being tortured. This is one of the
key points about Unreal. It immerses you in the 3D world, begging you to
play it just that bit longer.
The game allows you to play either male or female characters, with a
selection of each to choose from. You can also customise the layout of the
display to suit your own preferences. There are promises of more add-ons
to this area in the future.
Unreal looks so much better than anything else available. The polished
graphics and the smooth movement make it a pleasure to play. If you have a
3D card, the graphics become breathtaking, allowing you to gorge yourself
on the eye-candy available.
On the downside, the sound isnt brilliant. The weapons sound more like a
wet fart than making a satisfying bang. Network play is also lacking, with
no real effort made for deathmatches. Co-operative play is a joke, as it
just does not entertain.
All in all, if youre looking for the best single player 3D game then thisis it. I f, however, you want to play against your friends look elsewhere.
Unreal. Published by Epic. Priced 34.99
Gareth Harmer (ReaperMan) NetGamer Society Treasurer
[email protected], http://www.ee.surrey.ac.uk/Personal/ee71gh/
Dr Russ
Make 1998-9 a good year for your C.V.
It is great that you are getting a degree but what will
you say at a job interview when they ask (and they
will!)
What else did you do at University???
Why not say that you were a Student tutor. That,once a week for an hour you went to help a local
school. You even have a recognised tutors certificate
to prove it !!
Any subject, no experience needed- just enthusiasm!
Do it NOW before the Work Piles up!!!!
Show the employers that you had the initiative to
get the skills- and get the JOB!!!! How else will
you stand out from all the other graduates ?????
For more details of Student Tutoring call Mary on 9920
or call into Educational Liaison Centre, Floor 5 Senate House.
-
8/9/2019 Barefacts (1998-1999) - 3
11/12
Youve picked the course and chose the
University, just about settled into your
Halls of Residence, met your housemates
and been to your first lectures. Youve
probably even made it down to Tescos and
made inroads into your first (and not sub-
stantial) grant cheque!. If youre a sharp
tack you may have even cornered the mar-
ket on the fresh faced beauties on yourcourse/mates floor and are currently recov-
ering from your first Wednesday night out
at Bojanglez (maybe in a strange room).
Think youve got this student lark sorted
then do you?
USFC is the largest and most successful
Sports Club in the University of Surrey,
operating 6 student teams and 2 Graduate
and Industrial year teams in competitive
Wednesday and Saturday Football leagues.
Annually registering something in the
region of 120 players of all standards (and I
do mean ALL!) there is a place for every-
one. On a Wednesday afternoon the first
four teams compete in the British
Universities Sports Association (BUSA)competitions whilst the 5ths and 6ths play
in SESSA (South England Students Sports
Association). On Saturdays our 1st and
reserve teams play in the Surrey Western
Intermediate League with the A, B, C, and
D teams in the Guildford and Woking
Alliance junior league.With an intensely
active social scene including the Annual
Tour (Malta, Prague, Amsterdam and
Dublin in recent years), Christmas and
Annual Award Dinners, curry nights, the
Hundreds club (dont ask!!), and a huge
contingent of footie fellas out together at
every potential opportunity, you cant fail to
enjoy yourself as a member of USFC.
Perhaps the most memorable moment for
the Club was when a select team triumphed
in the Coca-Cola TUCO Cup invitation
tournament at WEMBLEY in June 97, as
the boys won a penalty shootout afetr the
final ended in a draw.
The Club currently employs the services ofF.A. Coach, Jim Lowther, Wimbledon F.C.
Football Community Officer, and fitness
trainer Andy Goring (also Campusports
Sports Massage Therapist) to provide a pro-
fessional approach to the training sessions
held at the Varsity Centre on Mondays 7-
9pm and Thursday 5-7pm. If you want to be
a part of THE Surrey Sports Club then visit
our stall at the Sports Fayre at the Varsity
Centre on Friday where a highly trained
team of experienced players will be on hand
to direct you to the bar (and of course
answer any questions you have about foot-
ball!). The Club will be also holding a fund-
raising raffle, prizes for which include:
Premiership Football TicketsSportswear donated by Campusport
USSU Ents Tickets
Official USFC Training Tops and T-
shirts
Trials will be held on Saturday morning,
again at the Varsity, from 10am and players
must register by 9.30am. Following this,
the Club has a full fixture schedule for
which we require as much support as possi-
ble, with the Reserves, A, B, C, and D
teams at home with 3pm kick-offs. Forget
the Rest, Be the Best. University of Surrey
Football Club. Cliffy
Surrey Pride 11n Thursday 24th September 1998
USFC Reserves 5 Bagshot
Reserves 1
With injuries and drinks aplenty knocking
down some of the clubs most talented fel-
las, this could have been a game too far forthe reserves, especially after last weeks
disappointments. However, in a game
played in a cauldron like atmosphere the
team finally found their feet. Two penal-
ties won by our latin contingent, Paulo
Mendes and Javier Garcia, (one of them a
rarely seen double-fronted somersault with
pike in the area, that had the crowd on its
feet), and converted with ruthless efficien-
cy by Obergrupenfuhrer Gutwenger had
put us in a comfortable position, before the
show really began.
Si Collar Roache, the young nipper with
blinding pace and a body double then
came into his own. Taunting the left back
with his snake hips and mesmerising himwith his twinkle toes Roache produced two
goals before half-time, the second a quite
awesome strike that would have graced
any ground. 4-0 at half time and Matt
Dream Boy Cushway in goal is asking
why he brought his gloves along.
The second-half was a bit more of a strug-
gle, though, with Bagshot beginning an
arial onslaught not seen since the blitz.
Credit to the back four, Gav, Nathan,
DARRYL! and Darryl, who stood firm
under the onslaught, only buckling once
after some problem with Cushways new
Teflon gloves. It was only left for the icing
to be put on the cake, with your humble
reporter bundling in a two yard screamer.
Credit for that goal to Danny Vulcan grip
Reid, without whos tireless running this
victory would not have been possible.
A quick footnote: as we were leaving
Bagshots inferior ground, Javier asked us
all the meaning of the word smug, as he
had heard it quite a lot on this fine day.
Smug is a 5-1 win away and then getting
blind drunk the whole of the next week.
Smug is Surrey football.
Lee Silverfox Burman
Congratulations to the Twister on the ease
with which the latest member of the
Harem, fitted in so well with her predeces-
sors at the Star gathering!
For the week of 28 September only, we will
be offering a Free Week so that you can
have the opportunity to try out any of our
fantastic classes or courses.
Social Sports Programme
Interdepartmental Sports -
Autumn 1998
Fancy becoming a sports representativefor your department? Its a great way to
motivate others to take part in lighthearted
fun Sport, its useful for your CV, could be
the community aspect of Duke of
Edinburgh Award and much much more!
If you would like to be a first/second/final
or postgraduate representative please tell
your departmental secretary or contact Alex
Langley ext 9981 or Sally Edie ext 9891at
the Sports Centre. The first meeting for all
reps is Friday 2nd October at 1:05pm at
the Sports Centre.
Sports Courses & Workshops5 week and 10 week courses and drop-in
Workshops are starting during the FREE
WEEK try volleyball, squash, badminton,
canoeing, yoga, tai chi, climbing, golf, tram-
polining and dry-skiing!
Welcome to Campusport Activity for life.
Campusport - Free Week
Jiu Jitsu, ever heard of it? Its a martial art
that has been developed over thousands of
years in the Far East, and has been adapted in
this country over the past twenty years or so.
Its a self-defence-orientated martial art
involving locks, strikes, rolls, falling, and
blocks. It also deals with a mixture of armed
and unarmed combat. Ive found that itimproved my flexibility, my self-confidence,
and over an extended period even my gener-
al level of fitness. Also the active nature of
Jiu Jitsu training means that it is a great way
to let off a bit of steam after a hard days lec-
tures.
However the expanse of Jiu Jitsu is far fur-
ther than just the training centre, with socials
and weekends away to national competitions
frequent events. Other opportunities include
gradings, first aid training, massage courses,
and the chance to be on the committee like
Ive chosen to do this year.
Come and try Jiu Jitsu even if for no other
reason than to meet a lot of new people and
have a good laugh doing something youve
never tried before. We run two sessions a
week at Campus Sport in Studio B. The first
is on Sunday from 5.30pm to 8pm and thesecond is on Wednesday 8pm to 10pm. Your
first session is free too so youve nothing to
loose except perhaps your inhibitions about
martial arts! Hope to see you all there.
Simon just call me Oatsey Oates (Jiu Jitsu
Chairman 1998 1999)
P.S. If you cant make training why not come
and have a word with me and some of the
others at the varsity centre for the freshers
sports fair on Friday.
University Of Surrey Football Club
Jiu Jitsu for you!
Bagshot Blitzed By Bavarian Barmans Braice
A Festival of Sport by Paul Cliff - Sports Editor
Our Honours list for last season includes;
1sts Intermediate Premier Division 3 Runners-upReserves Intermediate Reserve Division 3 Champions
Intermediate League Cup Finalists
ASurrey FA Lower Junior County Cup WinnersGuildford & Woking Alliance League Division 1 Runners-up
B Guildford & Woking Alliance League Division 3 Champions
C Guildford & Woking Alliance League Division 5 promotion
I remember it well (he says in that slightly
receding hairline self-assured graduate man-
ner). The 1992 Freshers Sports Fayre (wayback before environmentally friendly fuels)
was held on a rain soaked Friday in the
Campusport centre. Troops of frightened first
years dawdled sheepishly around the stalls
they really wanted to approach, gripped by
the fears of eighteen year olds living way
from home for the first time. I surely wont
have time for Sport what with all this study-
ing to do said a worried Fresher Civ. Eng
student on my floor. What if Im not good
enough? whimpered another. I glanced at
my companions, teetering on the sharp edge
of indecision as we paused at the entrance to
the Fayre. Bite the bullet or retreat to the pub
and ruminate on the potential folly of the
fanatically fit? I dont recall actually dragging
them into the Fayre or clamping down my
teeth on any lead gunpowdered projectile, but
I know that joining the Football Club was the
best decision I have EVER made. I have spo-
ken at length to other like-minded individuals
from Rugby, Hockey, Golf, Running,
Waterpolo, Badminton, American Football,
Mountain Walking (Hiking, Mountain-Ear-
ring - whatever!) to name but a few, and it
seems that they all feel equally impassioned
about their Sport.
Im not sure what it is about Surrey Sport that
demands this unwavering dedication to a
sport of choice, but it borders on the obses-
sional. The seeds of this puppy-like alle-
giance seem to be sewn initially at the Fayre
itself, when it becomes apparent (cue the
sound of a pre-uni myth exploding like a
shaken can of Special Brew) that student
sport and drunken shinnanigans are not mutu-
ally exclusive. In fact they are currently cele-
brating their Platinum Anniversary, after
spending a seemingly eternal marriage of
intoxicated bliss and Thursday morning hang-
overs.
The embryonic love affair between a student
and his/her Sport, develops further when you
start to meet the kind of people you are likely
to spend your time with at Surrey. Like a cho-
rus of disparaging tuneless voices suddenly
singing in perfect harmony to the tune of
You are my Surrey, you see for the first
time your common purpose and the marriage
is proposed. For most of us, the perfect match
is made and a lifetime of selfless devotion
naturally follows. There are those who are
unfaithful to their one and only and have flash
affairs with other sports. It is with great
shame and regret that I admit to having a one
match stand with the Hockey club in my rel-
ative youth. But it didnt mean anything to
me. I was drunk and USFC had stayed in that
Wednesday. Hockey was desperate and one
thing led to another.......I thought about
Football the whole time!
Of course, some students are never satisfied
and feel they have to tie the knot with every
sport going (Elizabeth Taylor esque), jump-
ing from one to the next like Jan Smith or
Sarah McMath. Others seem to lose their
moral compass and commit sporting bigamy,
tieing themselves to a number of sports at
once. Several individuals never commit
themselves, f