bar and clubbing magazine

B&C Mag - August & Septembergig guide p8

jokes p10latest gallery p12

archive gallery p13material world p17

movies p18 shaun lever p19

vouchers p20horoscopes p21

console & gaming p22

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At ‘Divine Designs’ Venue Dressing and Chair Coverhire, we specialise in creating an elegant andbeautifully dressed reception for your special day

We pride ourselves on our personal, quality, friendly and reliable service, offering a wide range of productsincluding Bespoke Centre Pieces, Hand-Crafted Bouquets,Wedding Postboxes and much more!

t: 0161 343 7128m: 07976 716 873w: www.divinedesigns.info

BAR and CLUBBING Magazine, a FREE bi-monthly publication that is well read and distributed throughout Tameside, a bright, full colour and fun read with articles & lots of photos from recent nights out! We serve local business, bars and restaurants with inclusive gig guide listings and voucher scheme available with selected advert bookings! Contact us today for an informal meeting to secure your slot in the next issue!

The Bright Lights of StalyVegas are still Shining!Stalybridge is STILL the place to be seen with always somethinggoing on from Wednesday to Sunday (and every other time too!) There are a good range of bars to suit all ages and tastes from the young and funky ‘Lions Bar’ right up to the Music Classic’s of The ‘Bridge Inn & Rififi Nightclub’ with enough after dark eateries to satisfy the hungriest of tums following a few beers whether you like curry, kebabs or pizza! Stalybridge (just outside East Manchester) is well placed and of easy access from the M60 Motorway link and the Train which drops you off right at the heart of the action ‘on Market Street; which is alive with bars and takeaways as weekend creeps in, you’ll find that lot of Party Groups descend on Stalybridge to celebrate Birthdays, Stag & Hen Nights and to visit the town they keep hearing so much about. Getting home is just as easy with a long line of Taxi’s next to the Bus Station (mid Market Street) and a choice of three taxi firms! Stalybridge has it’s own Photographer ‘Richard Sunday’ who has been based in the town since 2001 bar-hopping and publishing your photographs on the website formerly known as ‘SundayNights’ which is now ‘BAR and CLUBBING’ - Richard speaks up for the town “over the years I’ve had a great time working the bar and club scene and the age group of the punters is very mixed which gives us great varied photo’s capturing the whole night on one gallery!”

Most revellers start at the ‘top end’ and work their way down from Wetherspoons calling at ‘Lounge Bar’ (who have recently begun to have bands & live entertainment playing) just over from Lounge is Club Ko Ko’s and further down Melbourne Street you will find Bar Blanca pumping out New Dance and Popular Music, from here it’s ‘Lions Bar’ (the top end of Market Street) which prides itself onwbeing a great Sports bar with its own Football and Pool Teams! Look out for our own ‘Street Pastors’ doing a great job keeping an extra caring eye on the streets, always ready to say hello and offer any assistance. The lower end of Market Street gives you Soda Bar, a great little party bar which is open late and the famous ‘Bridge Inn’ that delivers classic tracks to an older loyal crowd with their own club upstairs. Pavillion and Ruby Rooms end the route with the famous ‘Q Inn’ right next door to the railway station! The best way to end your night is to get into a club like ‘Rififi’ being the main choice for those that love dancing to the best club classics and dance music, look out for their upcoming nights and events with everything from the main ‘Saturday Party Night’ to R&B, Cheesy Music, Golden Oldies and enough function room space to host your private parties and events, see you out and about soon !!!

gig guideAugust & September

Monday 1 Aug

Monday 8 June

Monday 15 Aug Monday 22 Aug

Monday 29 Aug

Monday 5 Sept

Monday 12 Sept

Monday 19 Sept

Monday 26 Sept

Tuesday 2 Aug

Tuesday 9 June

Tuesday 16 Aug

Tuesday 23 Aug Tuesday 30 Aug

Tuesday 6 Sept

Tuesday 13 Sept

Tuesday 20 Sept

Tuesday 27 Sept

Wednes 3 Aug

Wednes 10 June

Wednes 17 Aug

Wednes 24 Aug

Wednes 31 Aug Wednes 7 Sept

Wednes 14 Sept

Wednes 21 Sept

Wednes 28 Sept

Thurs 4 Aug

Thurs 11 June

Thurs 18 Aug

Thurs 25 Aug

Thurs 1 Sept

Thursday 8 Sept Thursday 15 Sept

Thursday 22 Sept

Thursday 29 Sept Friday 30 Sept

Friday 23 SeptFriday 16 Sept

Friday 9 Sept

Friday 2 Sept

Friday 26 Aug

Friday 19 Aug

Friday 12 June

Friday 5 Aug Saturday 6 Aug

Saturday 13 Aug

Saturday 20 Aug

Saturday 27 Aug

Saturday 3 Sept

Saturday 10 Sept

Saturday 17 Sept

Saturday 24 Sept

Sunday 7 Aug Sunday 14 Aug

Sunday 21 Aug

Sunday 28 Aug

Sunday 4 Sept

Sunday 11 Sept

Sunday 18 Sept

Sunday 25 SeptThe Lions s/bDJ Gilly - Indie & Chart Drinks £2

The Lions s/bDJ Gilly - Indie & Chart Drinks £2

Friday 23 Sept The Lions s/bDJ MP





Pavillion bars s/bA Level Results Party The Lions s/bDJ Gilly - Indie & Chart Drinks £2



The Sportsman s/bKaraoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Live Acts

Want to get your bar, pub or

event or club listed on the next ‘Gig Guide’ ?

Contact ‘Richard Sunday’on facebook, ring

07876 752 514 or email: [email protected]

for details!

The Lions s/bDJ MP The Sportsman s/bKaraoke NightHare & Hounds s/bKaraoke/Disco

The Lions s/bDJ Gilly - Chart & Dance Go Funk Yrself basement The Sportsman s/bKaraoke NightHare & Hounds s/bThemed Disco

The Lions s/bDJ MP The Sportsman s/bKaraoke Night Hare & Hounds s/b Live Acts


The Lions s/bQuiz & Movie Night from 6pm Hare & Hounds s/bSoul SundayThe Bridge Inn s/b Russ Winstanley,Northern Soul Night

The Lions s/bQuiz & Movie Night from 6pm Hare & Hounds s/bSoul Sunday





for details!





for details!





for details!





for details!











The Sportsman s/bKaraoke NightHare & Hounds s/bKaraoke/DiscoThe Bridge Inn s/b Wigan Casino Anniver-sary, Northern Soul night


The Lions s/bQuiz & Movie Night from 6pm






opens out into a huge three room party venue. Our music policy is strictly 70’s 80’s and 90’s party so be ready to have a boogie and a sing-along. “The Bridge Inn” is now open until 3.30am, and with three rooms and a huge nightclub, get comfy and settle yourself in for the night! If you do fancy something a little more Dance orientated, then Harpers nightclub is just up the stairs and our resident DJ Raymondo is on hand with the best in “old school” classics and modern chart dance. Harpers, with its state of the art sound system and plenty of disco lighting and smoke, this newly refurbished club is certain to get your juices flowing as you dance the night away until 4.00am. “Harpers Nightclub” is the only club around that doesn’t charge you an entrance fee. That and the great atmosphere every night is why we have over 1800 people through the doors EVERY WEEKEND! HAVING A PARTY??? The Bridge Inn and Harpers

The Bridge Inn, still setting the Standard!

Nightclub are now available to hire for private func-tions, weddings, birthdays, anniversaries and chris-tenings…..Whatever the occasion, we are happy to help out. And…..here’s the best bit. ROOM HIRE IS FREE and THE DJ IS INCLUDED FOR FREE and you can do your own buffet!! There’s not a better deal anywhere in Tameside so give us a call on (0161) 304 0447 for further details.

From all the staff and myself I want to say thank you to all our loyal customers that have visited The Bridge Inn and Harpers religiously over the years and continue to do so. Great things lie ahead for us so keep an eye on the posters in the bar. Look out for our excellent monthly “Northern Soul” and singles night, both are becoming very busy! The Bridge Inn, Shepley Street, Stalybridge, Tel: (0161) 304 0447 - facebook.com/bridgeinnstalybridge

In a town full of ever changing faces and where pubs and bars are forever re-branding themselves to fit in with the current trends on the high street, how refreshing it is to find a venue that is exactly what it says on the tin and always has been….The Bridge Inn and Harpers Nightclub in Stalybridge has only one rule….it’s all about having FUN!As you arrive in the front room you will be greeted by Pat, our friendly DJ who will play any party tune you request as well as keeping you up to date with all the current offers on the bar and upcoming events. Most drinks are only £2.00 UNTIL 11.30pm, to help you get in the party mood. At around 11.30pm the party really starts as the middle doors are opened and our Tardis-like pub

A firm favourite for groups, parties and hen nights!

Contact us to book in your birthday,

party or event

Q: How do you delay milk turning sour? A: Keep it in the Cow Q: Name the four Seasons; A: Salt, Pepper, Mustard & Vinegar What’s a bigamist? An Italian fog

It’s so simple to be wise, just think of something really stupid to say . . then don’t say it

JOIN THE ARMY, get fit, fly to far off fascinating lands, meet interesting new people. . kill them Invited by vegetarian friends for tea? let them know about your special dietary requirements and ask for a nice steak Universal Truths:• All that glitters, has a high refractive index• You blow in a dogs face and he’ll get mad with

you but take him on a car ride and he’ll happily stick his head out of the window

• Everyone had an Uncle that tried to steal their nose

• Good News rarely comes in a Brown envelope• At some point in School you called the teacher

Mum or Dad• Triangular Sandwiches taste better than

square ones• You know you are turning into your dad when

you put aside a bit of wood to stir paint with• You’re never sure if its ok to eat green crisps• Despite constant warnings you have never

met someone who has had their arm broken by a Swan

You’ve got that far-away look - the further you get away, the better you look! ‘Ive never gone to bed with an ugly woman, but I’ve woken up with a few’ If you look like your passport photograph, you probably do need a holiday! Fifty men are crammed into a train carriage when one shouts, ‘The next carriage is completely empty!’ So they all get into that one Why do men become smarter during sex? Because they are plugged into a genius Television is a device that lets people with nothing to do spend their time watching others that can’t do anything!

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life! ‘Boss to employees’ ‘this is just a suggestion but noone needs to follow it unless they want to keep their jobs’ A boss asks an employee if he believes in life after death ‘Why do you want to know?’ asks the employee. The boss replies ‘Because while you were at your grandmothers funeral, she popped in to see you’ A man is having breakfast at a greasy spoon café when three bikers come in looking for trouble. The first biker spits in the man’s food. The second pours coffee over the man’s head, and the third pulls away his chair so he falls over. Without a word the man gets up and walks out. ‘Not much of a man,’ says one of the bikers to the waitress. ‘Nope,’ replies the waitress. ‘And he’s not much of a driver either, he just drove his lorry over three bikes.’ A man phones a taxi company because his cab hasn’t turned up. ‘I’m supposed to be at the airport for nine o’clock,’ says the man. ‘Don’t worry,’ says the girl. ‘The taxi will get you there before your plane leaves.’ ‘I know it will,’ says the man. ‘I’m the pilot.’ READER CONTRIBUTIONS ..It’s not a bacon tree.... It’s a HAM BUSH! from Adrian Fitton What’s the difference between David Haye and my wife?When my wife trash talks, she gets a belt.... from Saul Daniel Mason Q: why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? A: tequila from Lorna Mcinnes Murphy texted his wife and it said ‘Mary am just having one more pint and I will be home in 20mins, if I’m not just read this text again’ from Steven Ryan

Did you hear about the typist that lost her fingers in an accident? she was rehired as a short-hand writer! ‘I pretend to work . . they pretend to pay me’ God is chatting to the archangel Gabriel ‘you know, I’ve just created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness’ ‘wow’ replies Gabriel. ‘what are you going to do now?’ ‘I think I’ll call it a day,’ replies God Words of Wisdom:• Closed mouth gathers no foot• Man who run in front of car get tyred• Woman who sinks in mans arms, soon have

arms in sink• Man who drop watch in toilet keep crap time• Man who run behind car get exhausted• Wife who puts husband in doghouse soon will

find him in cathouse• Man who fights with wife all day gets no

piece at night• Man who drive like hell, bound to get there

Bar Room Jokes

The L

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Bar

Spon

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the A

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check out these random cool clips on youtube search with the ‘exact text’ under each screen-shot below!

Cereal Killer (a bit violent, not for squeamish)NSFW. A hunter shoots a bear! (use this exact text)

T-Mobile Angry Birds Live

Heavenly AppealsCat and Dolphins playing together Tech Support - short comedy film

The ‘Next Big Thing’ - QR Codes

‘Qr Codes’ are those complicated square shaped things you may have started to see in magazines and advertis-ing which are the next big thing in getting information you need quickly! Armed with your smart phone installed with a QR Reader simply scan the code with your phones camera and be given a website link, telephone number or even some random text to link to and use immediately

Bars, Restaurants and Clubs can use QR codes with their advertising to target promotions to their customers curi-ous to see where the code takes them! You’ll begin to see more QR codes in BAR and CLUBBING Magazine each holding web links and promotions within them, the one on the front of this magazine takes you direct to our website! http://www.BARandCLUBBING.com

Click on this QR code below and see what is does! Contact us if you want us to as-sist with creating QR Codes for your magazine adverts or busi-ness promotions which can be used in so many ways topush customers to yourcompany website !

Material Person in a Material World?You might recognise the title of this article to be a line from Madonna’s ‘Material Girl’ and you would be right, but what is it like to be Materialistic and is there a better way to live as we are surrounded by so much technology and retail outlets? In this fast moving world and the desire to stay in touch and be up to date with your friends and the next ‘must have’ gadget, have you ever stepped back and actually looked at the possessions you own and the role and effect they arehaving on your life? Some of us are drowning in junk, junk that fills every room and shelf in your home, drawers, cupboards and garages and yet we still buy more ‘junk’ without dealing with the old unused items we have ‘put on ice’. Of course, some items we couldn’t live without but we are all guilty of buying things we don’t need, just because it was on offer or attractive for us to buy! Some say the love of money and material things is the work of the devil and they could be right. Do you live a selfish life or a life devoted to spending your hard earned cash on just yourself satisfying that craving for material things that never really fill that gap in your soul?What are your usual spending patterns? do you have an excess of time and/or money that forces you out when you get bored? A good idea for when you get the urge to splurge is to pick out a room at home to declutter, you can get a great deal of pleasure of having a good clear out and sorting the stored junk from some items you might just be able to use again, this could even get addictive as you unearth items you can sell on eBay or use again ir donate to a good cause!

• Your home will be more organised when you declutter• Declutter your diary by not taking on too many activities

which causes your time to always be tight!• Declutter your bank account by only spending what you

need to and keeping a tighter rein on your finances!

Even the most organised of us has some amount ofclutter and junk and as you begin to throw, sell or give away to a charity shop you’ll find that it clears your head too and makes you become more organised, caring and at peace with yourself. Whether you have accumulated random items piling up or an abundance of unused toys from relatives spoiling your child, you can get your buzz back from being organised and thinking before you buy more things ! It may be a Material World but you don’t have to be!

Latest Movies!Conan the Barbarian - Aug 19th

The legendary Barbarian of all time is back this Summer. Having thrived and evolved for eight decades in the public imagination - in prose and graphics, on the big screen and games and Conan’s exploits in the Hyborian Age now come alive like never before in a co-lossal 3D action-adventure film.

A quest that begins as a personal vendetta for the fierce

Cimmerian warrior soon turns into an epic battle against hulking rivals, horrific monsters, and impossible odds, as Conan realizes he is the only hope of saving the great na-tions of Hyboria from an encroaching reign of evil.

Colombiana September 2

After witnessing her parents being murdered by the mob, 10-year-old Cataleya sets off on a 15-year journey for revenge that takes her across the world Trailers promise plenty of edgy violence, with heavy gun use, physical fighting, and death. You can also expect some scenes of Saldana in skimpy lingerie, plus smoking and

strong language, a revenge film you could slot into the same vein as ‘Kill Bill’, awesome !

Thunder Soul September 23 Presented by Jamie Foxx, Thunder Soul follows the extraordinary True Story from Houston’s storied ‘Kashmere High School Stage Band’ The baddest, best band around, and they were still in high school! They return home some 30 years later to play a tribute

concert for the 92-year-old Prof ‘Conrad Johnson’, their beloved band leader who broke the color barrier andtransformed the school’s struggling jazz band into a world-class funk powerhouse in the early 1970s A feel-good funky, uplifting movie you’ll love to watch! Check out the trailer to ‘catch my drift’

30 Minutes or Less - August 12

Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is a small town pizza delivery guy whose mundane life collides with the big plans of two wanna-be criminal masterminds ((Danny McBride and Nick Swardson). The volatile duo kidnaps Nick and forces him to rob a bank. With mere hours to pull off the impossible task, Nick enlists the help of his ex-best friend, Chet (Aziz Ansari). As the clock ticks, the two must deal with

the police, hired assassins, flamethrowers, and their own tumultuous relationship

Final Destination 5 August 26 In “Final Destination 5,” Death is just as omnipresent as ever, and is unleashed after one man’s premonition saves a group of coworkers from a terrifying suspension bridge collapse. But this group of unsuspecting souls was never supposed to survive, and, in a terrifying race against time, the ill-fated group

frantically tries to discover a way to escape Death’s sinister agenda - expect more of the same as the last four!

Straw Dogs September 16

A Hollywood screenwriter and his wife come under attack from her ex-flame and his vi-cious friends in director Rod Lu-rie’s remake of Sam Peckinpah’s 1971 home invasion classic. In the wake of her father’s death, Amy (Kate Bosworth) returns to her rural southern hometown with her husband David (James Marsden). Her goal is to put her childhood

home on the market while David works on his latest screen-play. Meanwhile, David hires Amy’s high school boyfriend Charlie (Alexander Skarsgård) and his crew to rebuild the roof on the secluded country home. But the more time Charlie’s work crew spends working on the roof, the greater tensions begin to grow between Amy and David. Every time Amy walks outside, the work stops and the ogling begins! ...

Change Up August 5

We’ve seen it stacks of times with ‘Vice Versa’, ‘Big’ and countless other body-swap movies and here it is again with a responsible family man that switches places with his best friend who is somewhat lazier and carefree Wait to hear what your friends say about this movie or maybe wait for it to go to dvd but I don’t feel an urgency to rush

out and see it, more of a filler film for when you are in a daft comedy mood :)

Our Idiot Brother August 26

Ned (Rudd) is a sweet guy but too trusting. After going to jail for selling weed to a cop, Ned comes out looking for a place to live and, more importantly, the companionship of his dog, Willie Nelson. Unfortunately, his ex is having none of it and Ned is forced to take up residence with his sisters Liz, Miranda and Nat as he plots to get Willie Nelson back.

However, each of his sisters are dealing with their own issues and Ned’s involvement in their lives highlights the conflict simmering beneath the surface of his sisters’ lives, even though he’s not to blame for their problems!

Johnny English Reborn September 16 Rowan Atkinson returns to the role of the accidental secret agent who doesn’t know fear or danger in the comedy spy-thriller Johnny English Reborn. In his latest adventure, the most unlikely intelligence officer in Her Majesty’s Secret Service must stop a group of international assassins before

they eliminate a world leader and cause global chaos. Now that the world needs him once again, Johnny English is back in action. With one shot at redemption, he must employ the latest in gadgets to unravel a web of conspiracy that runs throughout the KGB, CIA and even MI-7

... another round-up of the New Movies coming very soon to a Cinema near you ...

page 18

Don’t forget you can add me on facebook for some ‘Geeky Tunage Chat’ and where to find me gigging over the coming weeks, check these tracks out on youtube and look out for my articles in future issues of BARandCLUBBING Magazine!

Bryn Owen Lyrical Criminal Local lad Bryn is responsible for “Baby Girl” which over the last 2 years has taken the North of England by a storm. With his album all ready to go, here’s a taster of what to expect. Fus-ing jackin’ electro with a nice cheeky organ bass sound, “Lyrical Criminal” just shows the absolute genius of Bryn Owen. Hot property indeed, an empty capri-sun packet used by him was recently sold on ebay for £30 grand. Expect BIG things from Manchester’s finest!

Shaun LeverDancefloor Addict!

Bryce Dance with me Remaking Rock-well’s 80’s party anthem “Somebody’s Watching Me” Bryce basically begs, bor-rows and steals from LMFAO’s “Party Rock Anthem” and delivers a chunky piece of Hip House which simply can not fail on a dancefloor. With corporate radio giving dance music little or no airplay and almost brainwashing listeners with a choice of Rihanna or Jason Derulo we need gems like this that work in-stantly without any prior promotion. More please. PS Jason Derulo can rot in hell for that abomona-tion which samples Robin S!

Cher lloyd Swagger Jagger (Wideboys Mega Dub) I was once locked in a damp basement for 3 days without food or water and I don’t remember it being as painful as listening to the original of this but as the saying goes “you can’t polish a turd but you can cover it in glitter”. Wideboys remove all traces of Cher’s voice and replace it with some nice techy tweaks which despite being completely unlistenable to anyone not on ketamin becomes infinitely more listenable than the original.

Bingo Players No 1 Disco There’s tunes your mother wouldn’t like and here’s definitely one! “No 1 disco” will put a smile on your face unless you’re one of those people that only does slow jams! The only way I can describe this track is that you will know when you hear it cos everything that’s wrong with the world will disapear entirely for 3 and a half min-utes... oh and the manager of the club you hear it in will run over to the DJ and tell him to “Turn this shit off now!”. It’s huge! huge but noisey!

‘BAR and CLUBBING’ Classic Dance Anthem! Housefeller - Mama If there’s one tune that everyone loves but never knows the name of it is this! It came from Germany on an import 12” in 2006 and I played it in my warm up about 6 months and nobody seemed to go for it. I persisted though and kept dropping it. All of a sudden the buzz started building and it was re-released on 3beat records in the UK. It was an original song written to the melody of Dan Hartman “Instant Replay” and made in the style of Joey Negro “Make A Move On Me”, on paper it should have been tackier than the decor of a 1970’s sitcom house. It wasn’t though and slowly became one of the biggest funky house floorfillers of the decade. It never crossed over though, always a shame, I think it’s due some new mixes and a revival! A great record!

How 2 Dance Tune of the Month Shine Paul Jacobson is one of my favourite up and com-ing producers and frankly anyone that can sample aswad and turn it into a credible dancefloor monster deserves an OBE. With a wicked summer feel, this excellent funky groove plods sublimely leaving dancefloor jumping as if the dancefloor were a trampoline. What’s great is that Paul has kindly put this up for free download at http://soundcloud.com/how2groove

yeah Mr Lever I’m

looking for the

‘Barking Bone’

Remix, it’s

on ‘Dog WoofWecords!

NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED



NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTEDNO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED

NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED NO PHOTOCOPIES ACCEPTED



CHARLESTOWN Auto’s - StalybridgeThis Voucher entitles the bearer toMOT Class 4 - £35.00MOT Class 7 - £45.00Valid until 30th September 2011

LIONS Bar - StalybridgeThis Voucher entitles the bearer to1 free shot of Cactus Jack orSour Dragon with your first maindrink purchased - 1 per customer onlyValid until 30th September 2011

Headroom Salon - Ashton This Voucher entitles the bearer toWash, Cut & Blow + Full Set of Nails for only £40 Valid up to 30th September 2011 only 1 per customer

The Curry Cottage - Dukinfield This Voucher entitles the bearer toTWO Main Meals for the price of ONE Valid up to 30th September 2011

Hi-Q - Dukinfield This Voucher entitles the bearer toMOT Class 4 - £30.00 when carried out with a GOLD Service, enquire within! Valid up to 30th September 2011

Bridge Inn & Harpers - StalybridgeUse this voucher for a free shot of Corky’swith your main drink order Valid during August & September only only 1 per customer

Pavillion Bars - StalybridgeUse this voucher for a free shot of Corky’swith your main drink order Valid during August & September only only 1 per customer

Lounge Bar - StalybridgeUse this voucher for one free shot*with your main drink order Valid during August & September only only 1 voucher per customer, drink brand at managers discretion

Hare & Hounds - StalybridgeThis Voucher entitles the bearer toAftershock or Apple Sours for £1.50 each!

Valid up to 30th September 2011 only 1 per customer


The Bridgefield Curry Lounge S/B This Voucher entitles the bearer toTWO Main Meals for the price of ONE Valid up to 30th September 2011

Riddle One

An Arab sheikh is old and must will his fortune to one of his two sons. He makes a proposition. His two sons will ride their camels in a race, and whichever camel crosses the finish line last will win the fortune for its owner. During the race, the two brothers wan-der aimlessly for days, neither willing to cross the finish line. In desperation, they ask a wise man for advice. He tells them something; then the brothers leap onto the camels and charge toward the finish line. What did the wise man say?

Riddle Two

How can a chef use an 11 minute hour glass and a seven minute hour glass to time a vegtable that needs to be steamed for 15 minutes?

Riddle Three

What is the beginning of eternity, the end of time and space, the start of every end, and the end of every race?

Riddle Four A snail is at the bottom of a well that is 20 meters in depth. Every day the snail climbs 5 meters upwards, but at night it slides 4 meters back downwards. How many days must elapse till the snail reaches the top of the well?

Riddle Five

You have a round birthday cake. With three straight slices of a knife, divide the cake into 8 equal pieces.

Riddle Six

What is in seasons, seconds, centuries and minutes but not in decades, years or days?

Riddle Seven

The person who makes it, sells it. The person who buys it never uses it and the person who uses it doesn’t know they are. What is it?

(all the answers found at the bottomof page 23, don’t go looking straight away though :)

‘B&C Horoscopes’

Aquarius 21st Jan - 19th Feb

Taurus 21st April - 21st May

Aries 21st March - 20th AprilPisces 20th Feb - 20th March

Gemini 22nd May - 21st June Cancer 22nd June - 22nd July

Leo 23rd July - 22nd August Virgo 23rd August - 21 Sept Libra 22nd Sept - 22nd October

Scorpio 23rd October - 21st Nov Sagittarius 22nd Nov - 21st Dec Capricorn 22nd Dec - 20th Jan

One minute you’re busy, the next thing you know, you are wondering what to planto keep the balance right. For some of you a lot of influence will come from an area that is beyond your control however that does not mean that you cannot contribute in a creative and

positive way and still feel productive. Be aware of what is going on, a warning, All that glitters is not gold!

by Yvonne Rae

page 21

To be popular this year, you may need to take a back seat and be the observer, rather than allow people to know your true feelings. What you feel, is notnecessarily right so rather than have conflict change the subject and lighten up. There is more to life than winning

arguments. There is so much you can be involvedin and enjoy!

Not always an easy time for Pisces, around August & September so do look after your health. You may find inspiration from a new pro-gramme or course. This is a time of new spiritual enlightenment for positive thinkers. It is a time for growth and inner knowledge. For

those who look forward to a night of festive fun there’s plenty of places to go!

You will either be very busy or feeling below par. All four cardinal signs have planets occupying and opposing them. Do not be careless or you may find you make mistakes.

Life can be very draining so you must make the most of any new offer that comes

your way. Look after your health and moderate your spending, keep in touch with your friends, try to stay cheerful!

Programmes that were set into action earlier this year have yet to be finalised, when in doubt delay and ask penetrating questions, that could take you on a completely new under-standing and perhaps bring about a fairer settlement. You are on a new path of

development, the opportunities are there and some will bring long and lasting results. You really have much to offer the answer is in your hands!

Do recall how successful your enthusiasm was, when promoting your ideas to your public. To continue to be a success, do not throw away the winning formula and short change your project. What you achieve now is vital to the future promotion of your career. Be aware of the

important contacts in your life and always listen to what they have to say. Enjoy your social life!

This truly is the age of Aquarius as your ruler Uranus begins a new transit in Aries a dominant sign that likes to get things done. Not everyone will be going at the same speed as you, this is no time to hide your light away from the people who value your expertise New

faces, new beginnings, new challenges, great fun!

It is a year of planning and soon there will be a lot to celebrate. The next few weeks will be seen as a time to put into action all your hard work and you will be very happy at the outcome of your creativity, it will be well received, so enjoy and thrive!

The past has a way of repeat-ing itself, and you must find a new way of dealing with an old problem. Troubles shared are troubles halved just as new exciting beginnings will make new demands on your resources, it is precisely because of what is unfolding soon, that

you must stay good natured to get the best from everyone who will be only too happy to oblige, use your charm!

Life is improving for you as you realise that this year can only get better, you are ready for fun and now it is a matter of hoping that your friends, have also saved for that special outing. Enjoy doing something different, stay healthy!

Aries being one of the Car-dinal signs, you will find that friction may be never far away as several planets are in opposition firing up Aries spirit. Put this energy to good use and stay calm and channelled whether it’s for work or pleasure. This

way you can enjoy life!

Holidays are appreciated this year, as you need to wind down from all the hard work you have put in. Relationships thrive and there will be invitations to see friends and enjoy a more relaxed atmosphere. Be happy!

DUKE NUKEM FOREVER XBOX 360 Duke Nukem Forever is finally out now after more than 13, often torturous years in development. Borderlands creator Gearbox took over the project after former developer 3D Realms closed in 2009, and it has managed to complete a title many thought would never see the light of day. But with the gaming landscape having changed so much over the past decade, is there still a place for a first person shooter throwback; is Duke still relevant and is the game actually any good? A new multiplayer is a great thing about the game, the aliens are invading and they’ve made it personal by abducting earth women and, some-what inevitably, nothing stands between Duke and his babes. It is “time to kick ass and chew bubble gum ... and I’m all outta gum.”

However you dress it up, Duke Nukem Forever is Doom with added political incorrectness, or “same old, same old” as far as the character is concerned. That’s not necessarily a problem as the graphics and gameplay are pretty good at the end of the day but not a game for young players as its a bit graphic with some language issues!You can see the trailer on YouTube, just search under ‘Duke Nukem Forever’Release Date: now

PACMAN & GALAGA DIMENSIONSNINTENDO 3DS Two timeless gam-ing icons return, totally reworked for the Nintendo 3DS and including all the classic game modes.

Galaga 3D Impact is a 3D shooter with players controlling their ship from cockpit view. Move-ment is on-rails and players aim the ship’s guns using the 3DS’s gyroscopic input, tilting the hand-held to move the cursor around. Player move-ment will also affect the view of the cockpit, so if you look too far down, for instance, your screen will be filled with control panels and you won’t be able to fire.

Pac-Man Tilt is a side-scrolling game that will have players tilting their 3DS to rotate the levels around Pac-Man. The gaming legend will have arms and legs to match the action-platformer style of play. He’ll also be able to roll up into a ball to get into secret areas and squeeze by environ-mental obstacles. In classic fashion Pac-Man will need to eat power pellets to fight back against enemies. Also in this arcade collective are bonus games -- Pac-Man Championship Edition and Galaga Legions! Both of these games seamlessly weaves modern concepts into the classic arcade gameplay loved by millions fans over the past 30 years. A great set of games for those nostalgic players! Release Date: now

CONSOLE and GAMINGCALL OF DUTYMODERN WAR-FARE 3 XBOX 360 The game will see the return of Task Force 141 Captain John “Soap” MacTavish, former SAS Captain John Price and Russian informant Nikolai who are on the run after killing the rogue U.S. Army Lieutenant General Shepard. Russian Ultranationalist Vladimir Makarov will also reprise as the game’s primary antagonist.Several new playable characters have been added, including Derek “Frost” Westbrook and Sandman, a pair of Delta Force operatives in New York City; Marcus Burns, a Sergeant in the Special Air Service fighting in London; and Yuri, a Russian federal security agent! Modern Warfare 3 is a first-person shooter. To give it a competitive edge over other FPS games, Modern warfare 3 runs at 60FPS. Modern Warfare 3 features a new survival mode. Survival mode features one to two players fighting endless waves of enemies with each wave getting more difficult. Despite being much compared to the Call of Duty: World at War Nazi Zombies mode, enemies do no not spawn at fixed locations but at tactical posi-tions based on the location of the player. Another grest game for FPS gaming fans Release Date: 8th November 2011

JUST DANCE 2, extra songs - Wii Basically, Just Dance 2: Extra Tracks is the original Just Dance 2, only with an entirely different tracklist. There are 23 songs in the game, 21 of which were originally only available to dance to if you had Just Dance 2 and were willing to buy them as DLC for your game. So here you get the DLC on a disc, with “Jai Ho! (You are my Destiny)” and “Funky-town” thrown in for good measure. Release Date: 15th July 2011

UFC TRAINER - Wii Set personal goals and achieve real results with an unparalleled mixed martial arts (MMA) fitness program designed by leading MMA experts & certi-fied by UFC and the National Academy of Sports Medicine (NASM). UFC Personal Trainer provides players with an extensive assortment of effective and challenging MMA-inspired exercises, in both pre-set and customizable routines, to build strength, increase endurance, burn calories and get results. Personalized instruction and tips from the MMA trainers guide players to stay motivated, get fit and track their goals with a helpful in-game journal Release Date: 15th July 2011

Riddle One The wise man told them to switch camels

Riddle TwoAs soon as the water starts to boil, begin the timing by running both hour glasses simultaneously. By starting them at the same time, the 7 minute hour glass will run out when the 11 minute hour glass still has 4 minutes left. When the 7 minute hour glass runs out, immediately turn it over and start it again. Now when the 11 minute hour glass runs out, the 7 minute hour glass will have been running for 4 minutes. If you turn the 7 minute hour glass over immediately upon the 11 minute hour glass running out, it will run for 4 minutes, for a total of 15 minutes altogether Riddle Three - the letter ‘e’

Riddle Answers from p20

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Riddle Four On the first day, the snail reaches a height of 5 meters and slides down 4 meters at night, and thus ends at a height of 1 meter. On the second day, he reaches 6 m., but slides back to 2 m. On the third day, he reaches 7 m., and slides back to 3 m. ... On the fifteenth day, he reaches 19 m., and slides back to 15 m. On the sixteenth day, he reaches 20 m., so now he is at the top of the pit! Conclusion: The snail reaches the top of the pit on the 16th day!

Riddle FiveWithout rearranging, ::I would propose to cut the cake in 4 parts the usual way, and then to cut all the parts horizontally in 2 Riddle Six - The letter ‘n’ Riddle Seven - A Coffin

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