bank_failure.doc

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1. They have an incessant need to lower expenses by chaining pens to the desk. 2. The bank’s vault door is open, but the front door is still locked at 9:13AM. 3. The branch manager has a water bottle and a squeegee waiting on you in the drive through. 4. Their “security” question asks how many toes are on your left foot. 5. There are no withdrawal slips available anywhere but plenty of deposit slips. 6. The branch manager is wearing a tie that has another bank’s logo. 7. All teller lanes are closed but one. 8. You’re charged a $12 fee to make a deposit, a $9 fee to open their door, and a $27 fee to breath their oxygen for 3 minutes. 10. When you tell them you’d like to open a CD, they hand you a complimentary copy of Barry Manilow’s Greatest Hits still wrapped in cellophane. 11. Toasters? Out. Valet parking? In. Oddly enough, there’s a used car lot just next door… 12. When you cash your check, they give you Euros. 13. The drive through window now allows deposits AND serves burgers and fries. 14. They demand 100% down on your mortgage. 15. The tellers have signs that say, “Will count money for food.” 17. The bank president is on vacation in North Korea. 18. There’s an auction going on in the back parking lot. Lots of desks and filing cabinets… 19. The FDIC answers the customer service phone line. 20. The security guard carries a gun with a little orange tip on the barrel. 21. The Commercial Loan department wants to know how much YOU can lend THEM.

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1. They have an incessant need to lower expenses by chaining pens to the desk.2. The banks vault door is open, but the front door is still locked at 9:1!".. The branch #anager has a water bottle and a s$ueegee waiting on you in the drive through.%. Their &security' $uestion asks how #any toes are on your left foot.(. There are no withdrawal slips available anywhere but plenty of deposit slips.). The branch #anager is wearing a tie that has another banks logo.*. !ll teller lanes are closed but one.+. ,oure charged a -12 fee to #ake a deposit, a -9 fee to open their door, and a -2* fee to breath their oxygen for#inutes.1.. /hen you tell the# youd like to open a 01, they hand you a co#pli#entary copy of 2arry "anilows 3reatest 4its still wrapped in cellophane. 11. Toasters5 6ut. 7alet parking5 8n. 6ddly enough, theres a used car lot 9ust next door:12. /hen you cash your check, they give you ;uros.1. The drive through window now allows deposits !