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Badgerschapter IX - “cowBoy callup”

THE UW BADGERS AS A REAL CLIQUE ARE ALL MOVING ON WITH THEIR LIVES. THE LAST YEARS OF COLLEGE LIFE AT UW MADISON ARE FAST APPROACHING. MANDY AND JAN AS ROOM MATES ARE PREPARING TO MOVE OUT OF THE DG HOUSE FOR THE SUMMER. MANDY IS HEADED FOR A YOUTH SUMMER CAMP IN NORTHERN MICHIGAN, WHERE SHE WILL INSTRUCT YOUNG VOLLEYBALLERS. MANDY IS STILL SUFFERING SOME DEPRESSION AFTER THE DEATH OF HER HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART, MAX. HER FAMILY DOCTOR HAS PLACED HER ON LEXAPRO WITH LITTLE EFFECT. JAN IS HEADED FOR HAITI AS PART OF HER NURSING EDUCATION AND IS NOW PRESIDENT OF THE PANHELLENIC COUNCIL ON CAMPUS. SHE ALSO HAS MANY MODELING AND TALENT AGENCIES REQUESTING HER SERVICES. SENSIBLE JAN WANTS TO TRAVEL TO TEXAS AND PRACTICE NURSING AND OPENLY ADMITS SHE WANTS A FAMILY SOON. SHE HAS NEARLY TOTALLY GIVEN UP AFTER CHASING ALEX FOR THREE SOLID YEARS ON CAMPUS. ALEX HAS GRADUATED AND UNFORTUNATELY, DIDN’T GAIN ENTRANCE INTO DENTAL SCHOOL AFTER APPLYING THROUGHOUT THE UNITED STATES. AFTER A DECENT QB SHOWING AT THE NFL COMBINE ALEX HAS AN OFFER FROM THE COWBOYS TO TRY OUT AT SUMMER CAMP. HE IS CONTEMPLATING WALKING ON AT OTHER CAMPS INCLUDING THE PACKERS – HIS FAVORITE TEAM. CAROLINE, JAN’S NEMESIS ON THE UW VOLLEYBALL TEAM, IS NAMED CAPTAIN OF THE TEAM FOR NEXT YEAR – RUBBING SALT INTO A SCORCHED WOUND OVER RICH WELLMAN. RICH WAS INVITED TO THE FRENCH OPEN IN HIS JUNIOR YEAR THUS ACCELERATING HIS POPULARITY ON CAMPUS AND THROUGHOUT THE STATE. CAROLINE, A TRI DELTA, HAS BEEN ANYTHING BUT BASHFUL REGARDING HER IMPENDING ENGAGEMENT TO RICH, AND HAS BECOME UTTERLY OBNOXIOUS TO MOST OF THE UW GREEKS.

MANDYOK ALEX, WHAT IS THE PLAN?

ALEXTHERE IS NO PLAN RIGHT NOW. I’VE GOT MY PARENTS AND ALL THEIR FRIENDS RIGHT HERE FOR GRADUATION. THEY ARE HANGING OUT A FEW DAYS TO ENJOY MADISON.

MANDYYOU DON’T GET IT ALEX. WHAT IS THE PLAN? EVERY GUY GRADUATING MUST HAVE A PLAN. ARE YOU RAMPING?

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ALEXI JUST WALKED OFF THE PODIUM AT THE COMMENCEMENT CEREMONIES RIGHT HERE AT THE KOHL CENTER. YOU ARE NOT CELEBRATING LIKE I AM.

MANDYNO I AM NOT CELEBRATING UNTIL YOU HAVE A PLAN. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE. THE SPEAKER, ARNE DUNCAN, ONE OF OBAMA’S CABINET, WAS GREAT AND INSPIRATIONAL. BUT YOU DON’T HAVE A PLAN.

ALEXCHILL OUT MANDY. I’M WORKING ON THE PLAN. RIGHT NOW I HAVE NO JOB, CANNOT GET INTO THE GRAD SCHOOL I HAVE WANTED FOR FOUR YEARS, AND NO, I CANNOT COMMIT TO JAN. SO YES, THERE IS NO PLAN. YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH IT. MAY PARENTS ARE OK WITH ALL THIS.

MANDYSO ARE YOU MOVING BACK HOME FOR THE SUMMER?

ALEXI’M GOING BACK HOME TO CHICAGO FOR A FEW DAYS, AND THEN I JUST DON’T KNOW.

MANDYYOU REALLY DON’T HAVE A PLAN ALEX.

ALEXWHAT ARE YOU GETTING AT MANDY? NOT EVERYONE WINS ALL THE TIME. I DIDN’T WIN GETTING INTO DENTAL SCHOOL. YES IT SUCKS. MY LAST INTERVIEW AT MARQUETTE WENT WELL, BUT DUE TO DIVERSITY, A HISPANIC GAL WITH LOWER CREDENTIALS GOT THE SPOT. I’M ON A WAIT LIST.

MANDYSO WHAT ARE THE STATISTICS FOR WOMEN GRADUATING FROM DENTAL SCHOOLS? ARE THEY AS BAD AS SOME OF THE MEDICAL SCHOOLS AND RESIDENCIES I’VE HEARD ABOUT?

ALEXIT IS WORSE. MANY WOMEN DON’T PRACTICE DUE TO FAMILY OBLIGATIONS, AND THE AVERAGE DEPENDING ON THE STUDY IS ANYWHERE FROM 3 - 7 YEARS AS OPPOSED TO MALES WHO PRACTICE 25 - 40 YEARS. DESPITE THIS, FEMALES WIN DUE TO DIVERSITY ALL THINGS BEING EQUAL.

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MANDYTHAT REALLY SUCKS. WHY DOESN’T ANYONE DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS? YOU BELONG IN DENTAL SCHOOL ALEX!

ALEXIT IS OUR CULTURE PLAIN AND SIMPLE. STANDARDS ARE NEW, UNEVEN, NOT FAIR, PC, AND YES MY PARENTS ARE UPSET.

MANDYWHAT ABOUT GRAD SCHOOL AT THE UW?

ALEXI WAS OFFERED A TA POSITION IN THE BIOLOGY DEPARTMENT.

MANDYWORKS - ESPECIALLY WITH JAN BEING A SENIOR.

ALEXDROP IT MANDY. I CANNOT EVEN AFFORD A PIZZA BY MYSELF AT PAISAN’S. I HAVE TOLD YOU TIME AND TIME AGAIN SHE IS THE VERY BEST PERSON, WE GET ALONG WELL, AND I WOULD MARRY HER IN A MINUTE IF I COULD SUPPORT HER.

MANDYYOU KNOW JAN GOT INTRODUCED TO SAM HOOVER ON THE TENNIS TEAM THE OTHER NIGHT AT THE KK.

ALEXNO I’M NOT UP ON EVERY NUANCE OF LANGDON STREET. REMEMBER I’M NOT A GREEK - I’M A STUDENT ATHLETE.

MANDYIT IS REALLY WEIRD AFTER READING ABOUT THE NFL COMBINE IN SI, AND THEN A BIG ARTICLE IN THE DAILY CARDINAL THAT YOU ARE NOT TOSSING FOOTBALLS TO RECRUITS AND NEXT YEAR’S PLAYERS AT CAMP RANDALL. I DON’T GET IT. JERRY JONES THE COWBOYS OWNER INVITED YOU TO CAMP. I’D BE ON A PLANE YESTERDAY.

ALEXYES I’LL PROBABLY GO. BUT I WAS A QB ON A RUNNING TEAM.

MANDYBUT THE COMBINE GUYS SAY YOUR ARM IS AS STRONG AS CUTLER’S FROM THE BEARS.

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ALEXI LACK CONFIDENCE. I’VE KNOWN SO MANY VERY GOOD COLLEGE QUARTERBACKS WHO HANG OUT FOR YEARS TRYING TO MAKE TAXI AND PRACTICE SQUADS. I REALLY DON’T WANT TO DO THAT. I DON’T WANT TO BE ON THE JV TEAM.

MANDYA QUICK WAY TO WIN JAN’S HEART WOULD BE TO GET ON A PLANE, CHECK INTO THE COWBOYS TRAINING CAMP IN SAN ANTONIO, AND….

ALEXAND OXNARD, CALIFORNIA. THEY ACTUALLY HAVE TWO CAMP VENUES.

MANDYYES, YOU ARE PLANNING.

ALEXMAYBE. I’M STILL THINKING OVER AN OFFER TO TRY OUT - NO MONEY INVOLVED, ROOM AND BOARD, AND ALL THE DRILLS AND HITS YOU CAN HANDLE. BUT IT’S NOT THE PACKERS.

MANDYMAN UP ALEX. YOU ONLY HAVE ONE OPPORTUNITY. THIS IS IT. WITH YOUR ARM, YOU CAN MAYBE MAKE SECOND STRING, A FEW MILLION DOLLARS, PROPOSE TO JAN, AND SHE GETS TEXAS TO BOOT. YOU HAVE A PLAN.

ALEXTHAT IS YOUR PLAN FOR ME. I WAITED UNTIL I RECEIVED A CALL FROM THE MARQUETTE DENTAL SCHOOL WHO SAID NO ONLY 48 HOURS AGO.

MANDYHEY IN FACT THERE IS THAT BRUTE, CAROLINE. SHE IS ACTUALLY WALKING TOWARD US NOW.

ALEXI’VE HEARD NOTHING GOOD. IS IT REALLY TRUE SHE AND WELLMAN ARE GETTING MARRIED? WASN’T THAT THE GUY YOU WERE CHASING?

MANDYWORDS CANNOT CONVEY THE SCORN I HAVE FOR THIS WOMAN, BUT SHE IS THE NEW CAPTAIN NEXT YEAR AS THE TEAM SETTER. IT WILL BE A WONDERFUL YEAR. I’VE ALREADY TOLD MY UW SENIOR RESIDENT PSYCHIATRIST TO DOUBLE MY LEXAPRO DOSE FOR THE VOLLEYBALL SEASON.

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ALEXHEY CAROLINE! HOW’S IT GOING?

CAROLINESUPER! HOW ARE YOU TWO DOING? GREAT GRADUATION ALEX! RICH AND I JUST THOUGHT HOW WONDERFUL IT WILL BE NEXT YEAR WITH HIM GRADUATING.

ALEXAND THEN IT WILL BE YOUR TURN IN A COUPLE YEARS.

CAROLINETHAT IS IF I’M STILL A UW STUDENT.

MANDYSO YOU ARE CAPTAIN NEXT YEAR, AND YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW IF YOU’LL REMAIN A UW COED? WHAT IS ALL THAT ABOUT?

CAROLINEWE HAD A PRE-ENGAGEMENT PARTY LAST WEEK IN CHICAGO - AT RICH’S FAMILY HOUSE WITH FRIENDS AND NEIGHBORS.

ALEXI GUESS I’M A REAL DUMBO CAROLINE. I’VE NEVER HEARD OF A PRE-ENGAGEMENT PARTY. YOU EITHER ARE, OR ARE NOT ENGAGED. WHAT IS ALL THAT ABOUT?

MANDYYES, FILL US BOTH IN CAROLINE. WE ARE BOTH SOCIALLY STUPID AND AS MERE SERFS ARE JUST NOT IN THE SAME SOCIAL STRATA AS YOU AND RICH.

CAROLINEIT’S NO BIG DEAL. I’M SURE YOU HEARD OR READ THE ARTICLE IN THE DAILY CARDINAL AND THE LITTLE BIT ON FOX SPORTS ABOUT RICH GOING TO PARIS THIS WEEK FOR THE FRENCH OPEN. SOMEONE DROPPED AND HE HAD APPLIED. THUS THE LUCKY PHONE CALL.

MANDYSO WHY DIDN’T YOU GO WITH HIM?

CAROLINERICH’S PARENTS JUST WANTED HIM OVER THERE CONCENTRATING ON TENNIS. AS THE LOWEST SEED, HE’LL HAVE TO PLAY NADAL OR RODDICK OR SOMEONE RIDICULOUS IN THE FIRST MATCH. BUT YOU NEVER REALLY KNOW.

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MANDYI STILL DON’T GET THE PRE-ENGAGEMENT PARTY. DID YOU GET A RING?

CAROLINENO. ONLY A PROMISE OF ONE. WE ACTUALLY LOOKED.

ALEXTHAT IS WEIRD. SO DO I CALL YOU TWO ENGAGED?

CAROLINEIT ISN’T WEIRD. IT IS A SOCIETY OF DEBUTANTES IN CHICAGO’S UPPER CLASS TO BE SPECIFIC. IT ISN’T FOR EVERYONE. BASICALLY BEFORE THE FORMAL ENGAGEMENT THESE FOLKS HAVE TO GIVE THEIR APPROVAL ALSO.

MANDYSO THEY VOTE?

CAROLINEESSENTIALLY YES. IT’S UP OR DOWN BASED ON LOOKS, ACTIONS, AND YOUR FAMILY.

MANDYSO THESE UPPER CRUST CHICAGOANS ACCEPTED YOUR MIDDLE CLASS FAMILY FROM KENOSHA?

CAROLINENOT YET. THAT IS PHASE TWO. AFTER THE FRENCH WE ARE HAVING ANOTHER COMING OUT PARTY FOR ANOTHER COUPLE; AND THEN THE DECISION WILL BE MADE AFTER EVERYONE MINGLES WITH MY FAMILY.

ALEXIS THIS OK WITH YOUR MOM AND DAD?

CAROLINEHELL YES ALEX! DO YOU THINK MY MOM WANTS A SOCIAL WORKER COLLEGE GRADUATE STUDENT MOVING BACK IN - A DLS GAL?

MANDYDLS - DELAYED LAUNCH SYNDROME. HMMM... ISN’T THAT AT ABOUT 66% PER THE DAILY CARDINAL?

ALEXNO WAY!

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CAROLINEYES IT IS. 66% OF COLLEGE GRADS MOVE BACK HOME FOR AN EXTENDED STAY, WAIT TABLES, DRINK, AND GIVE THEIR PARENTS TROUBLE THEY TAKE YEARS TO RECOVER FROM.

MANDYSO HELL YES YOUR MOM IS BOOSTING HER STOCK PORTFOLIO AND WOULD TAKE AN ENGAGEMENT AND MARRIAGE OVER DLS OR AN OLD MAID.

ALEXSO I GUESS I’M A DLS GUY ALSO. I’M MOVING BACK HOME - FROM A MADISON APARTMENT TO HOME.

CAROLINEWHAT ABOUT JAN - THE NEW PANHELLENIC COUNCIL PRESIDENT NEXT YEAR, FAMOUS NURSING STUDENT GOING TO HAITI FOR THE SUMMER AND ALL THE REST OF THE ACCOLADES OF MODELING AND TALENT AGENCIES - EVEN THOUGH SHE’S A DG.

MANDYWELL I WOULD IN A HEARTBEAT TAKE A DG OVER A TRI DELT.

CAROLINELET’S SEE MANDY. WHO ARE YOUR FAMOUS DG GALS? LET’S SEE - NO ONE. WHO ARE THE FAMOUS DELTA DELTA DELTA SORORITY ALUMNI - IT’S ONLY LIZ CLAIBORNE, KATIE COURIC, LEEZA GIBBONS, DEBORAH NORVILLE, DORIS KEARNS GOODWIN, MARY CROSBY -DALLAS, ELIZABETH DOLE, FARAH FAWCETT, AND NELLIE CONNALLY.

MANDYNOT SO FAST. ED HILL - FOX AND FRIENDS, PAT HEATON - EVERYBODY LOVES RAYMOND, AND SARAH HUGHES. ALL DG ALUMS.

CAROLINEWHO THE HECK IS SARAH HUGHES?

ALEXWASN’T SHE THE JUDGE WHO SWORE IN LBJ THE DAY KENNEDY WAS ASSASSINATED!

MANDY100% CORRECT. GOOD ALEX!

ALEXGUYS BASICALLY LIKE HISTORY - AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT OUR PROFS TELL US. BUT NELLIE CONNALLY?

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CAROLINEGOVERNOR CONNALLY’S WIFE - RODE IN THE LIMOUSINE THAT CARRIED PRESIDENT KENNEDY TO HIS DEATH.

MANDYSO BACK TO THE BASICS CAROLINE. YOU NEED A COUPLE MORE STEPS FOR THE ENGAGEMENT TO OCCUR.

CAROLINEIT IS A MERE FORMALITY. IT WON’T HAPPEN UNTIL RICH RETURNS FROM PARIS WITH HIS PARENTS.

ALEXWHAT IF RICH’S SOCIAL PEERS DON’T LIKE YOUR KENOSHANS?

CAROLINEOH, IT IS A MERE FORMALITY. MAY FAMILY HAS ALREADY BEEN INVESTIGATED.

ALEXBOY, I DON’T KNOW IF MY FAMILY WOULD STAND UP TO THAT SCRUTINY. MY DAD IS MORE OF A REDNECK FOOTBALL TYPE OF GUY, GOES TO SOX GAMES, AND DRINKS A 12 PACK EVERY BEARS GAME.

CAROLINERICH’S FAMILY WOULDN’T BE CAUGHT DEAD AT SOX PARK. IN FACT THEY DON’T EVEN KNOW WHERE THE WHITE SOX PARK IS IN SOUTH CHICAGO.

MANDYTHIS IS TOO MUCH FOR ME. I’M GLAD I’M HEADING TO THE UP FOR THE SUMMER. I ONLY HAVE TO DEAL WITH MOMS AND DADS EVERY OTHER WEEK AT VOLLEYBALL CAMP CHECK IN.

ALEXAREN’T MOST OF THESE KIDS BRATS ANYWAY?

MANDYOH A FEW HAVE SUBURBAN SYNDROME - SPOILED ROTTEN, BUT MANY ARE FROM INNER CITY DETROIT AND A JOY TO TEACH. I’M ON MY WAY TO BEING A VOLLEYBALL COACH MAYBE. MY PLAN.

ALEXYOU GALS UP FOR ONE LAST FLING AT THE KK?

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MANDYSOUNDS COOL. YOU IN CAROLINE?

CAROLINEI’LL GO, BUT RICH AND I HAVE BEEN HANGIN AT THE BIG TEN PUB ON REGENT STREET. A DIFFERENT MORE MATURE CLIENTELE.

MANDYNOW YOU ARE GOING TO STOOP AND COME DOWN TO OUR LEVEL PLAYING FIELD AT THE KK.

CAROLINEWASN’T THE KK ON PROBATION THIS YEAR?

ALEXTHE USUAL STUFF - FAKE IDS, UNDERAGE DRINKING, ONLY A TWO WEEK SHUTDOWN.

MANDYSO ISN’T THAT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?

CAROLINEI CAN HANDLE IT. LET’S GO.

ALEXMY CELL JUST WENT OFF. IT’S JAN. LET ME GET THIS QUICKLY.

CAROLINEMANDY AND I WILL JUST SAUNTER DOWN TO THE KK, AND JERSEY WATCH.

MANDYI’M NOT CHASING ATHLETES ANY FURTHER CAROLINE. YOU ACTUALLY STOLE THE ONLY ATHLETE I WAS INTERESTED IN.

CAROLINELET’S SEE TEAM MATE. AT THAT TIME YOU HADN’T BROKE UP WITH MAX YET, YOU HAD ZERO DATES WITH RICH, AND HE CONFESSED HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN YOU OTHER THAN BEING A FRIEND ON FACE BOOK.

MANDYIS THAT SO? THEN WHY DID HE CALL ME THE WEEK OF MAX’S DEATH?

CAROLINEPROBABLY TO SAY HE WAS SORRY. NOTHING MORE.

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MANDYHE ACTUALLY DROPPED FLOWERS OFF AT THE DG HOUSE AND ASKED IF I HAD A DATE FOR THE FALL SOCIAL.

CAROLINEWELL WE WERE NOT YET REALLY DATING.

MANDYIT’S OK CAROLINE. WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH ONE ANOTHER ALL NEXT YEAR. I’M OK WITH ALL THIS. I WISH YOU WELL. I DOUBT IF MY FAMILY COULD HANDLE ALL THE SCRUTINY OF UPPER CRUST OLD CHICAGO SOCIETY. WE ARE TALKED ABOUT ENOUGH IN JANESVILLE. MAX’S RIPON GIRLFRIEND JUST DELIVERED A LITTLE MAX WHO LIVES DOWN THE STREET FROM MY PARENTS.

CAROLINETHAT WOULD DOUBLE MY SSRI MEDICATION.

MANDYWHICH ONE ARE YOU ON?

CAROLINETHE NEW ONE - SAVELLA - BLOCKS EVERY BAD BRAIN CHEMICAL AND ALL THE FEEL GOOD CHEMICALS ABOUND. IT’S GREAT. ALSO HELPS WITH ALL THE MUSCLE ACHES AND PAINS, AND BOOSTS PERFORMANCE. THE BIG TEN IS TALKING ABOUT DISALLOWING THESE DRUGS THOUGH.

MANDYI’M ON LEXAPRO AND IT DOES NOTHING. MAYBE I’LL ASK ABOUT A SWITCH.

ALEXHEY THE COWBOYS ARE ON THE LINE. THEY WANT ME IN A QB MINI CAMP NEXT WEEK. IN FACT JERRY JONES AND THE COACHES WERE LOOKING AT THE FILMS OF OUR UW RUNNING TEAM AND THEY REALLY SEE HOPE FOR ME. MAYBE A CONTRACT.

MANDYTHERE IS YOUR PLAN ALEX. YOU MADE IT. FUNNY WE SHOULD RUN INTO JAN AT THE KK. TOO BAD SHE IS TALKING TO SAM HOOVER, THE TENNIS GUY.

ALEXOH SHE IS JUST JERSEY SHOPPING.

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CAROLINELOOKS MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT ALEX. I WOULD MAKE MY MOVE NOW OR YOU WILL REGRET IT LATER.

MANDYGOOD GOD CAROLINE, ALEX HAS HAD THREE YEARS TO MAKE A MOVE AND HAS STOOD DEATHLY STILL. HE FINALLY HAS A PLAN.

ALEXMAYBE IT’S TOO LATE.

CAROLINEIT’S NEVER TOO LATE. ORDER A LEINE’S DRAFT FOR YOU AND A CHARDONAY FOR JAN. SHE IS JUST FLIRTING, NOTHING TOO SERIOUS.

JANHEY ALEX, I JUST HEARD THE GOOD NEWS.

ALEXWHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

JANTHE DAILY CARDINAL SPORTS GUY WHO IS ALWAYS ON LINE JUST GOT WORD OF A STORY ON THE COWBOYS WEB SITE THAT SAYS YOU’LL BE IN MINI CAMP NEXT WEEK WITH ALL THE COACHES AND JUST A FEW RECEIVERS. THEY ARE THINKING OF YOU BEING ROMO’S BACKUP.

MANDYHE’S FINALLY GOT A PLAN - RIGHT ALEX?

ALEXYES MANDY. I HAVE A PLAN. HERE IS YOUR CHARDONAY JAN.

JANOH SORRY, SAM ALREADY PURCHASED AN UPGRADE FROM THE HOUSE WINE - I’M INTO VIN SANTO FROM TUSCANY.

eNd - Badgers IX