Understanding Baby Behaviours Nurturing Healthy Bonds

Author and Illustrator: Jan PlayerDesigner: Mat Jones

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Understanding Baby Behaviours Nurturing Healthy Bonds

Author and Illustrator: Jan PlayerDesigner: Mat Jones

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First Published in 2010 and reprinted in 2013 by:

St Luke’s Innovative Resources62 Collins Street Kangaroo Flat Victoria 3555 AustraliaPhone: (03) 5446 0500 Fax: (03) 5447 2099Email: info@innovativeresources.org St Luke’s Anglicare trading as St Luke’s Innovative Resources 2010ABN 97 397 067 466

© Jan Player & St Luke’s Innovative Resources 2010

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means (electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise), without the prior written consent of the publisher.

ISBN: 978-1-920945-47-3

Editing: Merrilee Edwards

Feeling safe and secure, loved, protected and nurtured every day assists in our development to adulthood, affecting our self-esteem and our emotional, psychosocial, physical and spiritual growth.

The cards in Baby Strengths can assist parents and carers to think about what it is that a baby or young child is trying to communicate about how they are feeling, and why they are behaving the way they are.

It is normal for parents, at times, to feel overwhelmed and frustrated. Many factors can contribute to this including inadequate sleep, a sick child, financial and relationship challenges, social pressures and receiving conflicting advice and information from well-meaning relatives, friends, magazines, the internet and media. Understanding what a baby is trying to tell us while remaining calm can help us to manage these challenging situations in a more positive manner.

I have a background in nursing, midwifery, and maternal and child health, and have worked as a Childbirth/Parenting Educator for many years. However, I feel my greatest parenting knowledge came from my experience raising six children. There were many times I felt tired and couldn’t do all I wanted for our children, however, I did my best and that is all any of us can ask. No parent or carer can ever be perfect all the time, as we are all human.

I feel the Baby Strengths cards would have assisted me as a parent when attending parenting groups, as we discussed challenges from a parent’s point of view, but sometimes may have overlooked how a baby was feeling and the reasons for their behaviour.

Foreword

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Included in this booklet are suggestions for how this beautifully-designed set of 25 cards may be used – and you might have your own ideas about how to use this wonderful parenting resource. I feel there are a variety of organisations and situations where the Baby Strengths cards could be used, including as a resource for:

• any practitioner involved in parenting groups

• pre-pregnancy evenings for couples planning to have a baby

• childbirth/parenting antenatal education classes

• maternal and child health new parenting groups

• postnatal depression parenting groups

• hospitals assisting and supporting mothers with post-natal depression and enhancing bonding and attachment to their baby

• sleep and settling parenting centres to assist with parenting and baby communication

• community health centres’ parenting groups, including young mum’s groups

• organisations providing support with parenting skills for parents and children with special needs

• groups supporting fathers and carers with parenting skills

• schools developing early knowledge about communication from the baby or child’s point of view

• libraries providing resources on parenting.

Encouraging parents and carers to communicate concerns and challenges with others in similar situations can assist in learning about childhood development and in normalising babies’ and young children’s behaviour.

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Baby Strengths provides information, knowledge and skill building, with encouragement to find support when needed, in particular through discussion in parenting groups or one-on-one with a parenting worker. Understanding a baby or young child’s point of view – how they are feeling and what they are trying to communicate – can support us in becoming more effective parents and carers.

There is a saying that we don’t understand how a situation really is until we have walked in that person’s shoes. Baby Strengths helps us to understand babies’ and young children’s feelings and behaviour from their individual situation and provides an opening for these qualities to be viewed as opportunities or strengths in the developing child.

Parenting holds significant responsibility and can be both a challenging and rewarding life experience. Gaining increased knowledge through sharing with other parents, carers and parenting workers can help us to form lifelong, positive relationships with our children.

Baby Strengths, which I would highly recommend, has the potential to be a valuable parenting resource.

Laurel Leonard Mother

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Foreword iii

Publisher’s Preface 7

Author’s Preface 10

Welcome to Baby Strengths 14

The Foundations of Baby Strengths 17

Babies Have Strengths 17

Secure Attachment 18

Baby Behaviours 18

Mirroring 19

The Cards 20

About the Images 22

Being Mindful 23

Methods for Using the Cards 25

Suggestions for Using the Cards 27

About the Author 33

The Development Team 34

About St Luke’s Innovative Resources 35

Acknowledgments 36

Contents

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From memory it was in 1994 that I first met members of the Anglicare South Australia Family Support Team. I had just run a workshop at a symposium devoted to exploring the emerging interest in Intensive Family Services that were, at the time, being adopted around Australia. I was approached by several family support workers, including team leader Carol Kelly, and invited to address the organisation’s annual conference later that year.

This was the first time anyone, anywhere, had invited me to talk about what was, at that stage, our embryonic enterprise, St Luke’s Innovative Resources, the publishing arm of St Luke’s Anglicare. St Luke’s had developed a strengths-based philosophy for its work with clients, and Innovative Resources had been established to produce original materials to bring these emerging ideas, which celebrate and honour people’s strengths, to life in new ways.

I accepted the invitation to address Anglicare South Australia’s annual conference and spent a great couple of days with these amazing women (there were no men employed at that stage), thus beginning a collaborative relationship that continues to this day. At another workshop for the Family Support Team, which we ran some eight years later, I was introduced to Anne Flint, a member of the team who had a particular interest in using creative writing with groups of their clients. Shortly after, Anne and several other family support workers ran the first of their 10-week creative writing groups, ‘Free to Write’, at a community health centre, incorporating a number of Innovative Resources’ materials.

Publisher’s Preface

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The writing groups were a great success, and ‘Free to Write’ soon grew to include groups in the Barossa Valley. Anne has supported the facilitation of more than 100 groups, all of which have used the tool of creative writing as their key component, and in May, 2010, I was privileged to be invited to launch an anthology of the Barossa group’s poetry, titled Finding my Own Way.

I have always admired the professionalism and creativity of the Anglicare South Australia Family Support Team. Their work is invariably difficult: supporting some of South Australia’s most troubled families. The pay is pretty ordinary and recognition for their efforts is sometimes sparse. I have always regarded this group of human service workers to be colleagues, who have taught me more than I have contributed to their practice. They are truly inspirational.

During one of my regular visits, I was shown some illustrations drawn by one of the family workers taking part in a special pilot program which supported new mothers struggling with mental health issues. The sketches were delightfully lighthearted and humorous, as was the suggested name, Baby Strengths. I was intrigued at where the idea for this card set had come from and the use of gentle humour to engage with mothers facing mental health issues.

The family worker and illustrator was Jan Player. Jan had never had her illustrations published but clearly, she had a wonderful talent. It has been a great pleasure during the past 12 months to get to know Jan and to work with her to bring her idea alive.

Baby Strengths has two clear aims. The first is to provide conversational prompts that might build or reinforce behaviours which are crucial for secure attachment. The second is to help mothers and other primary carers recognise the individuality of their babies and

toddlers. Both are vital preconditions for healthy child development and healthy maternal, and indeed paternal, self-esteem.

Of course, all babies have strengths, but in times of stress it can be easy for any carer to lose sight of these strengths, and to simply experience their parenting role as overwhelmingly difficult.

Baby Strengths is a lighthearted title for a very important set of cards. If these cards help mothers with severe mental illness to understand their babies better and to bond more richly with them, then they have a value which cannot be measured in financial terms. If the same cards can be used to support mums with post-natal depression, parents with intellectual disabilities, teenage parents and, in fact, all new mums and dads, we at Innovative Resources believe Jan deserves a Nobel Prize.

I believe Baby Strengths will provide a very practical and positive way for lots of new mothers to talk about themselves and their babies, in many countries, not just Australia.

Many thanks to Jan, her supervisor, Jo, and all the other amazing people in the Anglicare South Australia Family Support Team. Thanks to Merrilee Edwards for project managing Baby Strengths for Innovative Resources, Karen Masman for her ever-wise words, and to Mat Jones, Innovative Resources’ in-house designer for patiently taking us through subtle colour variations and the myriad other design challenges – it is a pleasure to see Baby Strengths go into the world.

Russell Deal Creative Director St Luke’s Innovative Resources

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Developing these cards has been a wonderful journey for me on both a personal and professional level; it has given me an opportunity to further explore the relevance of attachment and the significance of the mother/child relationship as well as enabling me to reflect on my own experiences as a mother.

As a Family Support Worker, I see on a daily basis wonderful women struggling with what they expected would be a beautiful time in their life. The impact of mental health issues or of challenging past experiences can weigh heavily on the relationship between a mother and her baby.

In recent years, I have been involved with Anglicare South Australia’s early intervention program called ‘Staying Attached’. This program supports mothers experiencing mental health issues, such as post-natal depression, in the post-partum period to build secure attachments with both their child and their community. The model of practice in the program is true to a strengths-based approach and involves home-based, one-on-one work with mothers as well as group work.

During individual work with these women, and also while facilitating a creative writing group called ‘Free to Write’ and an attachment-focused journalling group called ‘Creative Connections’, I became aware of a space among the resources specific to attachment which were available to family support workers, or to parents and others fulfilling the role of primary carer to a baby or toddler.

Much of my professional understanding of attachment is derived from models which focus on building healthy connections between primary

Author’s Preface

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carers and babies, and discovering how those connections are made. I have been particularly inspired by the Circle of Security.

We know that attachment – that is, the bond formed between a baby and his or her primary carer, usually a parent – may impact on a baby’s development; insecure attachment can have long-lasting effects on an individual, their relationships and how they view the world into adulthood.

With this in mind, I explored the idea of creating an attachment-focused resource which mothers, fathers and other primary carers could relate to, and which also ‘spoke’ for a baby.

As part of my work, I regularly see commonalities in the way carers view the behaviour of their babies; a curious or crying baby is sometimes described to me as ‘manipulative’ or a baby’s behaviour may be perceived as a personal attack against the carer. Baby Strengths provides an opportunity to address this way of thinking by helping to invite curiosity about the mother/baby relationship, as well as encouraging inquisitiveness among primary carers about the meaning behind their child’s behaviour.

These cards are created from a baby’s perspective. They provide carers with an opportunity to relate to how their baby is feeling – why their baby does what he or she does – and to reflect upon what their baby needs.

The baby ‘strengths’ featured on each of the 25 cards in Baby Strengths have been chosen because they are behaviours integral to a baby’s development; they are also, at times, the behaviours that can be challenging for carers. When viewed, however, from the baby’s perspective and when attachment theory is taken into consideration, these baby behaviours are strengths to be celebrated and encouraged.

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Also worth noting is the definition of the word ‘baby’ in Baby Strengths. While formal definitions may vary, for the purposes of these cards, a baby is defined as a child between newborn and three years of age. This definition is in keeping with my work in the ‘Staying Attached’ program. Within this age range babies depend completely on their primary carer to meet all their emotional and physical needs. Young babies are also predominantly non-verbal and are not able to express their needs in words and so rely on their carer to read their behavioural cues. The Baby Strengths cards provide an opportunity for carers to better recognise the non-verbal cues of their baby.

Baby Strengths provides a way in which to encourage conversations in a non-invasive manner; through gentle humour difficult situations may be normalised, reflected upon and solutions considered. By working with these cards, I hope parents and other primary carers may gain a better understanding of themselves and their baby, as well as a renewed sense of hope for positive change. These cards may also provide professionals with the chance to open up conversations, and encourage mothers to understand their baby’s perspective. My hope is also that Baby Strengths provides a positive early intervention tool which can help work towards the education and support of those most vulnerable in our community.

My children are my inspiration and by far my greatest joy. Many times while drawing the babies for Baby Strengths, I reflected on my children’s behaviours at different stages of their development and, indeed, on the way I viewed these behaviours at the time. These memories have brought countless smiles to my face and have led to many chats with my children around the dining table as I shared these recollections with them. As a new mother, I possessed no

previous experience with babies, nor did I possess any theory-based knowledge. In creating this card set, I reflected on my own experiences as a mother; I considered the wonderful developmental milestones of my two children and how, at the time, having four hours’ sleep a night and dealing with a particularly curious baby did not leave me feeling at all positive or focused on strengths. Through Baby Strengths I wanted to address these challenging aspects of parenting a new baby.

I believe parenting is about laughter and love, and about a family enjoying each other’s company.

Will parenting always be a smooth ride? No!

Is parenting worth it? Yes!

My work with carers of young babies gives me the opportunity to be there at the beginning, when everything for a new baby is possible. Observing a healthy connection between a mother and her baby spring to life, a connection that for whatever reason has been absent, and witnessing mothers recognise that something has shifted in their relationship, is a great incentive to work in this field. From my own experience, I know that being a mother in the best of circumstances can be a challenge, and it is important to me that the mothers I help are acknowledged and given the support and understanding they deserve. Personally and professionally, I feel privileged to be a part of their journey.

Jan Player Family Support Worker

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Welcome to a new arrival at Innovative Resources – Baby Strengths, a set of 25 cards created to help nurture healthy bonds in the relationship shared between a baby and their primary carer.

The arrival of a new baby into a family – whatever the shape, size or makeup of the family – creates a unique dynamic for everyone living in the home. Mum, Dad, brothers, sisters and grandparents may all be learning and adapting to one another’s needs in many new and significant ways.

For a baby’s main carer, often Mum or Dad, this can be an especially rewarding and challenging time. Each of a baby’s significant milestones – first smiles, first words and first steps, to name just a few – may be accompanied by tiredness, financial stress, hormonal fluctuations or mental health issues.

Sometimes these factors can affect bonding between a baby and the primary carer.

The creation of a healthy bond, also known as ‘secure attachment’, between a baby and the primary carer provides the foundation necessary for a baby to develop his/her potential in life – emotionally, socially and intellectually.

Baby Strengths aims to build or reinforce behaviour crucial for healthy bonding by providing a prompt around which to build meaningful conversations. Respectful conversations conducted in a safe place can be powerful tools in helping people to bring about positive change in their lives.

Welcome to Baby Strengths

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Respectful conversations can:

• allow participants to open up and share what it is in life that is important to them

• allow people to tell their story and to hear the stories of others

• provide an opportunity to connect with others

• provide an antidote to feelings of isolation

• help individuals to put a name to their feelings

• assist people to learn from others

• allow individuals to realise others may have shared similar experiences

• support people in reframing challenges

• lead to a sincere exchange of refreshing and new ideas

• help participants to realise that their ideas and views are valued

• provide participants with a chance to empathise with, support and truly listen to one another.

Equally valuable are the spaces and pauses in conversations which can provide an opportunity for reflection on another’s ideas, as well as our own.

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Respectful, thoughtful and caring conversations generated by the Baby Strengths cards can help mothers, fathers and other carers to nurture the bonds shared with a baby or toddler by providing gentle reminders of a child’s strengths. They may also:

• illustrate the vital role a carer plays in the development of the baby or toddler in their life

• help a carer to discover and identify the unique strengths – the wonderful qualities – in their baby, or toddler’s behaviour, as well as those shared by all babies and toddlers

• help reinforce the positive aspects of a baby’s development and encourage communication to support carers in being a part of this

• help carers to understand that finding some baby behaviours challenging is common

• help carers to understand that baby behaviours which may sometimes be perceived as negative or unusual, are often, in fact, common and developmentally-appropriate.

As with all St Luke’s Innovative Resources’ conversation-building materials, Baby Strengths has been created to be ‘seriously optimistic’ and to also reflect St Luke’s maxim of ‘Respect, Hope, Fairness’.

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Babies Have Strengths As with children, adolescents and adults, babies benefit from having a positive view of themselves. From a baby’s perspective, his or her behaviours are part of normal development, and it is important that they are addressed as such by carers. Understanding baby behaviours as strengths enables a carer to attend to their baby’s needs from a positive perspective. This encourages a baby’s sense of self and also helps to build a connection between baby and carer.

Babies need to know they are clever and fun, and that it is acceptable to sometimes feel upset.

Any mother or carer of a baby may, at times, need reminding that their baby has strengths. Carers can be challenged by many issues and, sometimes, day-to-day living can seem daunting; on a busy day, it can be easy for a carer to misunderstand the behaviour of an inquisitive child. What to an adult may be ‘making a mess’ is baby’s way of learning about the world through play. Consistently acknowledging the underlying strengths in a baby or toddler’s behaviour can enhance a child’s future, while also helping to build a positive foundation for the relationship between a carer and their child.

The Foundations of Baby StrengthsA range of key understandings support the Baby Strengths cards

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Secure Attachment Secure attachment is the relationship between a baby and his or her primary carer. To achieve secure attachment, a baby needs to be provided with a ‘secure’ base which allows for exploration and connection. This occurs when a baby’s needs are consistently and appropriately met. Secure attachment provides a baby with the foundation necessary to develop his or her potential.

The reasons for poor attachment between a baby and a carer can be complex. Poor attachment may result when a carer is experiencing post-natal depression or other mental health issues, is coping with social stressors, has an intellectual disability or has experienced challenging issues in the past. Other factors may also affect attachment between a carer and baby.

Carers can nurture secure attachment by learning to read a baby’s cues and exploring what a baby needs from a carer. Reframing the way a baby’s behaviour is perceived can also help carers to understand the role they play in their baby’s journey. The Baby Strengths card featuring the phrase ‘I need you to watch over me’ offers carers a way of thinking about attending to a baby’s needs; the picture shows a woman watching over and delighting in a baby. As a baby or toddler explores the world, he or she needs to know that the primary carer – Mum, for instance – will care for him or her, physically and emotionally. In a practical sense, a baby needs to be watched over to ensure his or her safety, but a baby also needs to sense that their mother or carer is a part of their journey.

Baby Behaviours The phrase ‘baby behaviours’ in this card set refers to the way in which babies express themselves; how they act and react to the world around them.

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Babies may cry, smile, cling, protest their carer’s departure, greet their carer, be frightened, explore, be curious, play and demonstrate many more behaviours. Many of these behaviours change as babies and toddlers develop; until eight weeks of age, a baby will cry as a way of expressing either discomfort or pain, a demanding two-year-old, however, may shout.

These behaviours are normal.

These behaviours express a need.

These behaviours are a necessary part of development.

All behaviour has meaning.

Mirroring Mirroring is when an expression from one person is copied and reflected back by another. In this context, mirroring is a non-verbal exchange between a carer and an infant. The behaviour of mirroring helps a baby to see the world as a safe place and is vital to building a baby’s sense of self. By mirroring an appropriate response to their baby’s cues with suitable facial expressions and body language, carers can enhance the connection they share with their baby and help to develop their baby’s sense of identity. A baby invites his or her carer to understand their world with behaviours and cues, such as smiling or crying; the active, non-verbal reflection of the carer to these behaviours and cues helps to shape the way in which a baby understands and perceives their world. By consistently practicing mirroring – for example, baby cries/Mum shows concern or baby smiles/Mum smiles – carers can build secure attachment with their baby.

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The Cards

I can get attention I can have big feelings I can give great cuddles

I give great cuddlesI am good at finding new ways

I can ask for help

I can be clever I can be creative I can be curious

I can do things by myself I can find new things I can have a big voice

I can need lots of things I can play with you I need to feel connected

I need to feel safe

Sorry this page is only available in the hardcopy version of this booklet

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I am good at exploring

I can be awake I can be fun

I can mirror you I need you to watch over me I can be quiet

I can enjoy simple things

I need to feel secure I can learn

I can be anything

Sorry this page is only available in the hardcopy version of this booklet

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Approached respectfully, humour can be a wonderful icebreaker and can provide a positive way of dealing with challenging issues. The gentle humour included in many of the Baby Strengths illustrations is designed to make the cards more accessible to clients when facilitators wish to engage them in the process of reflection.

The Baby Strengths illustrations are deliberately simple and stylised and depict a broad range of baby expressions, emotions and behaviours. The illustrations are designed to be used as a tool around which to build conversations to further explore baby behaviours and emotions, and do not aim to depict with complete accuracy the correct safety standards or use of baby accessories and equipment. Of course, correct safety measures should always be complied with when using any baby accessory or equipment!

Just as every family is different, every baby is different, and we hope that with a bit of imagination each of the Baby Strengths’ babies can represent ‘every’ baby. To add to the cards’ accessibility, each of the babies in the Baby Strengths illustrations is drawn in a generic way. While we have tried to avoid gender stereotypes, we have tried to create drawings of a ‘baby’ whose appearance may be that of either a young baby or a toddler. In essence, we have tried to make both the drawings on the cards, and the design of the cards themselves, as inclusive and as engaging as possible for anyone who is the primary carer of a baby and who may choose to use Baby Strengths.

About the Images

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Sometimes carers may find it painful and challenging to acknowledge that they are experiencing difficulties connecting with their baby or toddler, and so conversations around the Baby Strengths cards need to be caring and respectful, and take place in an environment in which participants feel safe.

Before using the cards, consider the emotional outlook and mental health of participants as the underlying issues affecting secure attachment between a carer and a child may be significant. It is also important that facilitators take a client’s mental and physical health into consideration when thinking about how best to deliver a session using the Baby Strengths cards. For instance, a person with depression may not have the concentration span required for an in-depth discussion, and this would need to be accommodated by a facilitator.

Also consider that some people are more comfortable than others with reflective conversations. Allow people to set their own pace and to determine their own level of participation in both conversations and activities around the cards, and keep in mind that no tool works for all people all of the time.

Being MindfulBeing Mindful

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Whatever the situation in which the cards are used, experience shows they work best when:

• there is a respectful relationship between all participants

• confidentiality has been discussed and agreed to

• they are part of the natural flow in a teaching or therapeutic conversation

• they are used to empower and build self-esteem

• the interpretation of the card belongs to the participant who has chosen it.

Before using these cards with others you may want to ask yourself:

• What is my purpose in using these cards?

• Is the timing right?

• Am I sufficiently familiar with the cards?

• Am I prepared to adapt the use of the cards if necessary?

• Do I want to use some of the cards or the whole set?

• Does the venue offer suitable privacy and comfort for participants?

• How will I introduce the activity?

• Will this activity include everyone, even the quiet voices?

• Can I deal with experiences and topics that may emerge using these cards?

• Am I ready for any strong feelings that the discussion may trigger?

• Is someone available to provide support afterwards if needed?

• Have I allocated enough time?

• How will I end the activity?

• How will I evaluate the activity?

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1. Spread, Scan and Select

Perhaps the most common way of using any of Innovative Resources’ conversation-building card sets, including Baby Strengths, is what we call the three S’s: Spread, Scan and Select.

One important question which any facilitator is invited to ask themselves before using any conversation-building tool is: ‘Do I need to use all the cards?’ For some groups and in some situations a cut or small selection of cards may be sufficient or preferable. Also, consider whether all the cards are appropriate for this group, with this exercise, at this time and in this situation.

Baby Strengths cards can be spread on a table or on the floor and an individual or small group invited to ‘get to know the cards’ and then make a selection according to relevant questions. The physicality of moving around the cards can add an important means of becoming acquainted with the cards and shouldn’t be underestimated. Movement can provide a strong adjunct to building group cohesion and learning.

Some card sets require more ‘getting to know’ time than others. Just how long should be allocated depends on the facilitator, the group, their familiarity with the cards and the time available. The creativity and purpose of the facilitator may also determine the selection of cards.

Methods for Using the Cards

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2. Serendipity

The fourth ‘S’ refers to serendipity. Sometimes it is interesting to introduce random choice into the conversation and have group members randomly select or be dealt a card. By talking about a card which has been selected by chance, participants will often discover new ideas and conversations.

Questions may include:

• Can you talk about the card you chose at random or were dealt?

• Does it have any particular relevance or significance for you or your baby?

3. Creative play activities with the cards

Some other ideas for building activities around the cards include:

• treasure hunts

• storytelling

• shuffle and deal games

• building sequences out of the cards

• make a mobile using the cards

• select a card of the day or a card of the week

• using two packs, play a game of ‘snap’ with the cards.

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As with all the ‘seriously optimistic’ conversation-building materials published by St Luke’s Innovative Resources, Baby Strengths is designed to prompt discussion and reflection. It is certainly not a universal remedy, nor is it authoritarian or instructive. There are no manuals to be followed or ‘right’ answers to be achieved.

The usefulness of this resource depends upon the creativity and genuine openness of those using it. Baby Strengths can be used with or without a facilitator, by individuals or groups. Each Baby Strengths card is a positive reflection of a baby behaviour which supports the relationship between a mother or a carer and their baby.

Professionals working in the areas of mental health, disability or cultural diversity may find this tool particularly valuable in helping to open up conversations with parents or caregivers.

Baby Strengths may also be used to build conversations with:

• individual mothers or fathers

• couples

• family groups

• grandparents and other caregivers

• groups of parents.

Whether in a group setting or one-on-one, the Baby Strengths cards may be constructive: they are fun, unique and versatile. Those who work with Baby Strengths may choose to:

• use the whole set

• use a partial set

• use an individual card.

Suggestions for Using the Cards

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The cards may also be used as part of a dual approach – from a parent or carer’s perspective or from a baby’s perspective, as the ‘voice’ of a baby or toddler.

Of course, families come in all shapes and sizes. Some are made up of two or more primary carers; some include siblings and extended families, and some consist of a baby and one primary carer. The following suggested activities do not attempt to cover all the possible scenarios nor do they reflect every family situation. We offer them only as ideas to spark the imagination of anyone using the cards. It is vital that facilitators shape, mould and create activities appropriate for their client group.

Questions for parents about themselves

Choose a card or cards which remind you of your baby and which reflect your baby’s behaviour. Some possible questions to foster conversations using this approach include:

• What is the behaviour shown on the card?

• How do you feel about this behaviour?

• What happens when you feel this way?

• Are there times when you feel fine with this behaviour?

• Are there times when this behaviour is challenging for you?

• What do you do when you feel this way?

• Would you like to do anything differently?

• How might that happen? What or who could help?

• Why do you think your baby is behaving this way?

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• Are there any other ways of understanding this behaviour?

• When does your baby exhibit this behaviour?

• Is finding time to meet your baby’s needs a challenge?

• How do you feel when you look at this card?

The Baby Strengths cards may also be a useful tool in helping soon-to-be new parents think about baby behaviours and about building a bond with their baby. A process for setting up card selection could involve asking group participants to choose a card which they feel expresses a behaviour their new baby may display. Some questions arising from this card selection may include:

• What is the behaviour shown on the card you have chosen?

• How do you feel about this behaviour?

• How do you feel you may respond if your baby shows this behaviour?

• What do you think your baby will need from you when he or she is behaving this way?

• How do you think your baby will be feeling if he or she behaves this way?

Other ideas to prompt conversation around Baby Strengths cards may include:

• Why do you think a baby ‘needs’ to feel safe, secure and connected?

• How might you help your baby to feel safe, secure and connected?

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Questions for parents about their baby

Choose a card or cards which remind you of your baby or which you feel reflect your baby’s behaviour. Some possible questions to encourage conversations using this approach include:

• How do you think your baby feels when he or she is behaving this way?

• What do you think your baby needs when he or she is behaving this way?

• How might you help your baby achieve this need?

• What are the barriers to helping you achieve this?

• What would change for your baby if you behaved differently?

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Questions for parents about their partners

Choose a card or cards which remind you of your baby or which you feel reflect your baby’s behaviour. Possible questions to encourage conversations using this approach include:

• Do you and your partner respond to your baby’s behaviour in the same way or differently?

• Which baby behaviours does your partner manage well?

• Which behaviours does your partner find most challenging?

• How do you and your partner resolve different parenting styles?

Questions for parents about their other children

Parents or carers may also like to use the cards to explore how a new baby may shape the dynamic of a family, particularly with regard to older siblings. Some possible ways to set up card selection and questions to build conversations include:

• Choose a card or cards which reflect baby strengths that have been shared, or are shared, by each of your children. How do you feel about these shared strengths?

• Choose a card or cards which reflect the individual baby strengths of each of your children. How do you feel about these individual strengths?

• Choose a card or cards that show times when siblings might be included as you care for your new baby. How might this happen?

• Are there some behaviours depicted in cards that older siblings still do? Do any of these behaviours change as the child grows? Do any remain the same?

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Questions for grandparents

Grandparents may also like to explore the cards and reflect on baby strengths handed down through generations of their family. After taking time to peruse the cards, some questions might include:

• Which strengths have been inherited across several generations of your family?

• How do you feel about these strengths?

• What are some of the positive outcomes of these strengths in your family group? Are there any challenging aspects to these strengths?

• How might these strengths help a baby as he or she grows up?

Questions for caregivers

Choose a card or cards which remind you of, or reflect the behaviour of, the baby in your care. Some ideas to encourage conversations include:

• How are the emotions portrayed by the baby pictured on the card different from, or similar to, the emotions which the baby in your care shows when he or she is behaving this way?

• How do you think the baby in your care feels when he or she is behaving in a similar way to the baby pictured on the card?

• Are there any behaviours that you find challenging/delightful/ intriguing/rewarding?

• How do you respond to each of these behaviours?

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At the time of writing, Jan Player was working with families at risk as a family support worker at Anglicare South Australia. Jan’s primary professional focus in this role was parenting and early intervention. Jan has also been part of Anglicare South Australia’s ‘Staying Attached’ team. ‘Staying Attached’ helps mothers experiencing mental health issues, such as post-natal depression, in the post-partum period to build secure attachment with their babies. Jan also has experience as a communication and relationship builder and has facilitated Anglicare South Australia’s attachment-focused journalling courses, ‘Free to Write’ and ‘Creative Connections’, which focus on the power of writing and using thoughts and experiences in a positive way. In her role as a family support worker, Jan has also facilitated groups at a women’s prison.

Art has been a passion of Jan’s for as long as she can remember; sculpting and sketching are the mediums with which she feels most comfortable. Jan enjoys creative writing and putting pictures to her words, and has often used creativity as a tool for reflection and her own self-development.

About the Author

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Russell Deal – Russell is Creative Director at Innovative Resources and has been the driving force behind the creation of more than 60 IR materials, including the original Strength Cards. Russell has also authored several children’s books including The Wrong Stone and Captain Grumpy.

Karen Masman – Karen Masman is an author, workshop facilitator, counsellor and a consulting editor with Innovative Resources. Karen has been involved in the creation of many books and card sets published by Innovative Resources.

Mat Jones – Mat is Innovative Resources’ in-house graphic designer. He has been involved in the creation of many Innovative Resources projects including Strength Cards for Kids, Mates Traits, Koala Company and Cars ’R’ Us.

Merrilee Edwards – at the time of writing, Merrilee was an editor at Innovative Resources. Baby Strengths was her first project in our busy publishing house.

The Development Team

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St Luke’s Innovative Resources is the publishing arm of the well-known community and family services organisation, St Luke’s Anglicare. Based in Bendigo, Innovative Resources produces ‘seriously optimistic’, conversation-building resources, such as card sets, books and stickers, created to reflect St Luke’s commitment to recognising and promoting the strengths and dignity of an individual, family or community. The materials created by Innovative Resources are used by human service workers in diverse professions, and in many different countries; they can also be used by anyone else looking to build a ‘seriously optimistic’ conversation. Innovative Resources shares the St Luke’s motto: ‘Respect, Hope, Fairness’.

About St Luke’s Innovative Resources

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Many people supported me during the creation of Baby Strengths and I would like to extend to them my sincere thanks. They include the Anglicare South Australia Family Support Team and the team from the ‘Staying Attached’ program. I would like to especially thank a number of people who, at the time of writing, held the following roles: Jen Gaffney, coordinator of the Family Support (North) and Group Program, and Anne Flint, Group Facilitator of the Anglicare Family Support Program, for their enthusiasm and encouragement of the Baby Strengths project, and Jo Press, coordinator of ‘Staying Attached’, Family Support (South) and Men’s Work, for her constant support throughout the process.

I would also like to thank Laurel Leonard for writing the foreword for Baby Strengths, and the many people who have provided valuable feedback about the cards during their creation through informal focus groups.

Thank you also to the entire team at St Luke’s Innovative Resources for their work on Baby Strengths.

Jan Player

Acknowledgments

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Caring for a baby or toddler can be fun, surprising, challenging, exhausting…the best and the most difficult thing you have ever done!

Bonding or ‘secure attachment’ between babies and mothers or primary caregivers is an essential ingredient in every baby’s development. Recognising the strengths in your baby’s behaviour is central to creating healthy bonds. Sometimes we misinterpret the behaviour of babies or toddlers: what to an adult may be ‘making a mess’ is baby’s way of learning about their world through play.

Baby Strengths is a set of 25 delightfully-illustrated cards for building healthy attachment between babies and primary carers by: • recognising baby strengths • understanding baby cues • nurturing connections with baby • building solid foundations for baby development.

Baby Strengths can be used to build dynamic conversations with:• mothers, fathers, grandparents • childcare and family workers • parenting educators, health professionals

…and anyone who cares for babies and parents.

St Luke’s Innovative Resources62 Collins St Kangaroo Flat Victoria 3555 AustraliaPh: (03) 5446 0500 Fax: (03) 5447 2099 Email: info@innovativeresources.org

www.innovativeresources.org