A U R O R A

By Heather

Preface

Hands were all over my body. I couldnt feel hot or cold, the only thing I was aware of was the intense pain in my abdomen. Finally my vision was back. Red was everywhere. On Edward and on the little thing he held in his arms. My breath was short and shallow but I could see the little baby in Edwards hands. It was staring at everything. Edward looked at me and showed the beginning of a smile.

Chapter 1: Weird

Freezing. That pretty much sums up the everyday climate for the Forks,

Washington. Freezing, rainy, depressing, cloudy. Yep. That was it. Just another cold,

freezing, misty, cloudy day that would dampen anyones day-except mine.

I was in a rather cheerful mood despite the unfavorable weather. It was repelling to some

but with my mood making me feel better, it felt like there were tiny rays of light coming

through the front windows of my old 55 Chevy truck.

I floored the gas pedal just to get the needle a little past 49. It gradually climbed

anxiously. Once it hit the destined speed the engine let out large screeches and the engine

growled. I talked to my truck- come on baby, you can do it and just a little bit more. I ran

my hand across the top of the dash board as if I were caressing it. I pulled up to the American dream home. White, with a picket fence, a huge over grown oak tree over hanging the house, threatening to smash its thick branches through the dainty windows. I walked up the stone path to the front door. I stood on the porch and took in the scenery. The American Flag hung patriotically on the beam supporting the porch over hang. It flapped in the winds that were picking up. It sounded like a bird trying to fly free and flapping its wings in slow motion. The old wicker rocking chair that had dead leaves on the seat, rocked ever so lightly. It barley made a noise. I put my key in the door and turned it to unlock. I swung open the door and the house was warm.

Charlie wasnt home yet as usual. He was usually still at work, down at the Forks

Police Department, for a couple more hours. The house felt calm, empty and still. I

looked through the fridge to see what I could whip up quickly for Charlie and I. Dinner

was usually my job and I didnt have a problem with it. Charlie-dad-wasnt the best cook.

If cooking were up to him, he would just get pizza or take out every night.. That was

Charlie. I found some pre-made spaghetti sauce on the fridge shelf. I grabbed it and set it

on the counter and left it there. Charlie wouldnt be home for a while and if I made dinner Id be eating alone. So I didnt even bother.

I went upstairs and turned on my outdated computer. It was crawling slowly to

life. I decided to go throw a load in the wash of Charlies and my clothes. After that I

threw on some gray sweatpants that were a bit bigger that my skinny frame. I put my hair

in a messy bun and the changed my shirt to a deep sapphire blue cotton tee. I skipped

back to my room. The computer was finally loaded. I got my e-mail up impatiently. There

were three new e-mails. One from my mother, Rene and two from Mike. Mike sent two

e-mails each an hour apart. So Mike.

I opened my mothers first-

Bella,

My goodness kid, you must have some crazy life. Have

you forgotten about your mother? I really miss you. How is

school darling? Any boys grabbing your attention? Im just

teasing Bella. Well

Say hello to Edward for me. I hope you come to visit. My

turns up.

Love always,

Mom - xo

I hit the reply button.

Mom,

I didnt forget about you. And yes FYI it has been a hectic

life. Schools fine-boring. And the only attention grabber I

have is Edward. I know mom. Im trying to plan a trip to

Florida. Its hard to leave school so close to the summer.

I will tell Edward.

Love you too,

Bella.

I hit the send button with my eyes glued to one particular word- Edward.

The name made my body paralyzed. I got butterflies. He was my upside down love.

He was the other half of me that helped me up and that completed me. He was perfect in

every literal way possible. He was flawless. Never a feature out of place. Eyes with thick

gold, and creamy, satin, porcelain skin. A to-die-for smile with bright, blinding white

teeth. He had beautiful feather-like honey brown hair. He was a dream, a fantasy, a

fairytale. He was mine. And I was his.

The only thing was, he was a-vampire. As scary as his kind is, I dont feel the

least bit scared. In-fact, I feel oddly comforted by it. How could something so angelic be

sososo deadly? But that was the thing- Edward wasnt deadly. He was safe. Safer

than a padded cell. He would never hurt anything unless he was tempted -or for the sake

of hunting- he harmed strictly animals for food. Aside from those meaningless factors-

Edward was the safest thing in existence.

I opened Mikes e-mail. It was always the same thing. Wanna Go out sometime?

Hows your uh. Boyfriend. I began reading it.

Bella,

Well this weekend we all are going to the movies. You

should come. And Edward. But yeah. It would be fun. We were

thinking of going to Port Angeles. Get back and let me know.

-Mike

I replied and told him I couldnt, I had plans. And I kind of already did but I wasnt in the

mood to get the guilt trip of Mike Newton.

I deleted all the messages and the turned around.

GAH! I shouted. I almost fell off the chair but Edward caught me.

I really hate when you do that.

He grinned.

Sorry. His eyes were soft and he put his ice cold lips to mine. My heart sped up and my

mind spun wildly. Leave it to Edward.

He pulled back gently and grabbed my hand. I got up off the chair and sat on the bed,

Edward sat next to me.

So, are you going to Port Angeles? He asked with and eyebrow slightly raised.

I shrugged.

No. I looked at him and halfheartedly smiled.

Why. They are your friends. his eyebrows furrowed.

BecauseI dont knowI dont want to. I moved closer to him. He wrapped his arm

around me tightly.

You shouldnt abandoned your friends. He scolded.

I became defensive. So. Im a big girl Edward. If I want to stay I can. Unlessyou dont

want me around right now. My Forehead creased.

He chuckled and smoothed them out. I always want you Bella. Forever.

I relaxed and pressed my side into his rock hard body.

Im just not in the mood for it. Id rather be with you and theres absolutely nothing you

can do about it.

He grinned. Is that so? He picked up my cell phone that he had gotten me for

Christmas. Again-totally out of balance. As if we couldnt be a more unbalanced couple

already. He was rich I was poor, he drove cars that werent even released in the United

States yet, I drove an old beat up 55 Chevy pick up that was barley known of outside this

town.

He gives me a phone and I give him nothing. Unbalanced. Hes still pushing to get me a

new car and I was dead set against it. The only thing I ever asked from Edward was

immortality and his condition was completely unreasonable- marriage. Not fair! He knew

I detested that part of commitment. My mother Renee seemed to flaunt that marriage was

-in her words-the kiss of death.

He picked up the phone and hit a bunch of buttons. The phone rang and I heard

Mike answer. I gasped in fury.

EDWARD! I hissed trying to be as quiet as possible. I reached for the phone but

Edward effortlessly pushed me back with his elbow.

Hello, Mike. This is Edward. He spoke into the phone. I heard faint talking.

Yes well, Bella changed her mind. She would like to go out tonight. Shes just

showering and wanted to look half way decent for tonight. She didnt want to waste any

time.

I was still struggling to get the phone from Edward then he got up. He smiled childishly

and I folded my arms and tapped my foot impatiently.

Six? Thats great. She will be ready. Bye now. He gracefully shut the phone with one

finger.

I shook my head disapprovingly and stalked to the rocking chair.

Oh Bella he sighed rolling his eyes. I could tell he was amused by all this which

irritated me more. Bella, love, its not going to kill you. Relax.

I snorted. Yeah right. Why cant you come with me?

He shrugged. I just hate seeing you ditch your friends.

I grimaced. Jacobs my friend

His eyes went hard. Thats different Bella. Hes a werewolf. Hes an enemy. I wont risk

anything bad happening to you.

The fury boiled.

Come with me I said trying to calm down.

He looked like he was contemplating. But--

I raised an eyebrow. You arent being fair. I began to raise my voice. Why are you

desperately trying to get me out of the house? Do you hate me now?

His body stiffened. Dont say that Bella. I could never hate you. Look, Ill call Mike and

tell him you dont want to go. If thats what you truly want.

He was playing the guilt card and I hated feeling guilty. I sighed and got up.

No. I couldnt do that to Mike. I looked at his face. It was softening now. I truly wanted

to know why he was acting this way. Edward He looked at me meaningfully. is

there something your not telling me?

of course not.

His face was still calm and he seemed to be telling the truth. But-he was a good liar. Like

last fall. I shuttered at the thought of it. Being left by Edward was worse than anything in

this world. Immortal or mortal.

Do you really wish for me to come? he asked with his hand tracing my face lightly.

I nodded. Please. Mike is going to drive me nuts if were alone.

He chuckled under his breath then kissed my cheek and leaned close to my ear and

whispered. Alright.

I sighed in relief. I knew that tonight wasnt going to be a fun night. Mike was going to

scrutinize Edwards move. He was also going to throw him glares and try to send more

signals to me as if I didnt already clearly understand he liked me. Edward was going to

hear his thoughts too. Im sure what ever Mike was thinking, Edward would prefer to

tune it out if he could.

I changed my clothes in the bathroom quickly then switched my beat up book bag

for the purse Renee had gotten me two summers ago back in Phoenix. We had gone past a

little thrift store and Renee loved bargain shopping. So she picked up my first, and only,

purse. A tote sort of bag. It hung loosely and was black with rhinestones on the edge of

the opening. I stuffed my wallet in and then my cell phone and grabbed a jacket. I slid

into my black sneakers and Charlie came through the door.

Oh. Hey Bell He greeted as he hung his police jacket on the hook in front of the door.

Hey dad. Edward and I are going to Port Angeles with Mike and some other friends.

He looked unsatisfied. I knew he had a bitter attitude toward Edward. The sudden trip to

Italy-which Charlie thought I was in LA-took a toll on his attitude toward Edward. Not

only Italy but the half of the year I was practically dead to him and the rest of the world I

shook the thought out of my head.

Alright. Ten-thirty. He walked toward the kitchen.

Oh dad. I never got make dinner. I could still make it if you dont feel like cooking.

I was hopeful that Charlie could delay the disastrous night just a bit longer.

Edward sighed and started to grab my elbow.

No, no Bella. Im ok. I think Billy is coming back with some food from Sues. You go.

I huffed and then Charlie spoke one more time-I was praying he would change his mind

and make me stay.

Bella- you should really call Jacob.

Jacob. My mind and body froze. Jacob and I hadnt exactly left things on good terms. I

could feel the swell of emotion in my throat building.

I nodded. YeahErIll try. I felt Edward stiffen and then push me, with more force,

out the door. He opened my door and I slid in his car. He closed the door and flashed to

the driver side. I kept my eyes on the windshield but I wasnt seeing the dull green,

cloudy scenery. I was seeing Jacobs face and how he looked the last time I saw him.

Hurt. Torn.

I hated seeing someone I loved hurt. And Jacob was a huge hole in my chest. I felt a

warm tickle down my face. The trail it left was cold. I took a deep breath. How could I do

this to Jacob. It tore me apart even more to know that I was the infliction of his pain.

Edward took my hand squeezed it gently. My breathing was unsteady and for all

the wrong reasons. It wasnt because I was in depth with Edward or trying to keep my

feet on the ground. I was hurt too. It felt almost as bad as when Edward left but not quite.

Edward still held first place in that one. I tried not to pile that onto my wallowing

memory.

There was no way I could stand to go another day without seeing him.

Edward was the only obstacle in the way. A very strong and nearly impossible obstacle to

over come. Alice seeing the future didnt help either. I had to think of something fast before

this got any worse.

Edward had almost accelerated the car to full speed. I snapped out of my little

memory replay. I pushed it to the very far back of my mind- like I did most of the time

with that thought.

You alright? Edward said finally breaking the steady silence.

I wiped my cheeks quickly. Hoping-but doubting- the he wouldnt see it

Yeah. I think. I inhaled slowly and exhaled noisily.

Bella, You cant let it get to you. His voice was soft but I could tell he was fighting the

urge to raise his voice at the topic.

Edward. You just dont understand. He needs me. I cant abandoned a good friend.

Friend? he snorted sourly. You call a werewolf, a high-tempered, selfish, disgusting

werewolf a friend?!

My jaw flexed and I felt the aggravation coming slowly.

Yes. I do! I said a little too acidic. And if I remember correctly, you almost killed me

the first day we met. I felt a little guilty about that one. His eyes went dark and he

gripped the wheel tighter.

Thats different he said flatly. I can control my emotions, my thoughts. I can control

myself, Bella. Jacob cant. He has no concept of how.

I sighed. I was tired of this conversation.

Lets just forget about it tonight. Okay? He smiled a crooked smile that melted me to

the seat.

I couldnt stay mad at Edward. It was physically impossible. He pulled the car into

Mikes driveway and leaned in to kiss my face. He put his cold lips to my forehead, my

nose, my cheek then my mouth. His kiss made me forget everything. I could barley

remember my name. My heart raced like it was trying to jump out.

Ready? He asked letting go of my limp hand.

I nodded dizzily. He glided to my door and opened it.

Mike walked out to his porch and paused. Edward silently chuckled.

EdwardErI didnt think you were coming Mike said. I could tell he was trying to

say it lightly but he did a horrible job at covering it up.

Yes. It was a last minute decision. I had nothing else to do. I hope Im not imposing

I laughed to myself and Edward caught it. He squeezed my hand in acknowledgment to

my sarcastic laugh.

Nah. Its uh cool to have more guys. I hate being stuck with all girls He lied right

through his teeth. Edward smiled dryly.

Mike walked toward his suburban. ready? He held the door open.

Wheres Angela and all them I asked Mike.

busy he said acidic.

Edward climbed in the back with me.

What about Jess? I asked trying to sound casual.

Ohyeah. Shes coming. He sounded unpleased. No doubt in my mind told me he

wasnt.

Well thats nice. It evens everything out. I added.

Mike mumbled something so low. Too low for human ears. Edward let out a hint of a

growl and I nudged him and flinched. It was like elbowing a stone wall.

Jess buoyantly walked over. I relaxed in the seat with relief.

Hey guys, sorry Im late. Jess said casually, oblivious to Mikes crabby attitude.

Mike started the car and pulled out.

The whole ride was silent. No one said word. Edward and I kind of talked though our

eyes but not much was said. We knew the awkward tension in the car. I hoped that now

he understood why I hated going with Mike. And secretly hoped just a little, that he felt a

little guilty for forcing me. At least he was with me. Only 5 more hours or so of torture

from Mike.

Chapter 2:: Stalker

We walked through the dark parking lot that was shining with a fresh layer of wet

pavement. The rain stopped briefly and the wind started to pick up. There was a chill in

the air and shivered a little. Edward tried to touch me as little as possible and together we

walked inside. It was a relief to be in the comforting warm as Edward took my hand. His

hand was colder than outside but was soothing.

The lobby wasnt crowded and seemed to be slow and quiet. It was red and old

fashioned. It must have been renovated from the old fashioned movies. We went up to the

ticket booth and a scrawny, half asleep boy with nerdy glasses was behind the desk. He spoke through the

microphone on the other side of the plastic wall with a monotone greeting. Edward got us

two tickets to the movie all of us chose. He handed me my ticket and Mike and Jessica

walked after us. We handed the ticket to the man who checks then and he ripped the ticket

in half and handed me the other half.

Enjoy your movie he said with a light smile.

We walked into the dark theatre and the movie was beginning. We sat down a couple rows back from the front. Edward sat next to me and Mike on my other side with Jessica on his side. Edward took my hand and squeezed it encouragingly. Mike gave a inconspicuous glare in his direction but Edward tired to seem oblivious. The movie was kind of boring. It was supposed to be a horror slash romance movie but all it was to me was a big huge clich.

About half way through the movie Edward whispered into my ear.

Ill be right back. He kissed my cheek and then excused himself.

I tried not to be suspicious and I fought the urge to follow.

What would make him leave? He didnt need to use the bathroom. He doesnt eat or drink-at least food from the movies. Mike looked at me hopeful and Jessica looked at Edward then me. I just shrugged. Something in my stomach didnt feel right. Something about the way he was acting made my stomach turn and I couldnt find what it was. My urge to stay seated failed and I rushed to the door.

I ran out to the end of the hall and skidded to a stop in the lobby. My eyes filled

with water and my breath wouldnt catch. Was I dreaming? Was I having a nightmare?

My body shook and I couldnt get my legs to move. My eyes were glued to the huge

figure that stood in the lobby. I made the words just barley audible.

Jacob I said. My voice cracked and a tear escaped. How long had It really been since

Ive seen this boy. My best friend, the werewolf. His huge muscles and body with this

black hair that hung past his broad shoulders. His eyes were lifeless until they met mine

and I saw the one true person in him. My Jacob. The real Jacob. Not the overly moody

werewolf. He sucked in a breath and then exhaled. He was trying to control his temper.

Bella he said with a relieved tone.

Edward looked furiously at him. Dont you dare touch her dog! he spat.

Oh shut up leech. He said through his teeth.

Jacob took three easy, long steps to me and then touched my shoulder. I couldnt help but

gasp a little at his scorching touch. It had just been so long.

I broke down and gave in. I threw my self into his boulder like chest. Oh! Jacob! Its

you! Its really you!

I felt his body shake with his chuckle. Who else would it be Bells? He wrapped his

arms around me.

I let go of him and then my fury boiled at him. I slapped him hard in the face. Dont you

ever leave me like that again! God! Do you have any idea how worried I was about you?

He rolled his eyes after recoiling from the shock of the violence from me. Of course my hand hurt more than his face.

Edward walked beside me and put his arm around me possessively. I looked up at him

and face was cold and dark. It was like seeing two enemies fight over one object. I tried

to get out of his hold but it was impossible. It was like trying pull a thick metal chain

apart with bare hands.

Let her go if she wants. Jacob said coldly.

Not with you Edward said with piercing eyes.

Shouldnt Bella get a say? Jacob said looking at me.

I felt more tears pour down my face. This was getting out of hand. Why couldnt they just

get along? It made no sense! The memories of the times I spent with Jacob flooded my

mind. The time before he became a werewolf, warm sodas in the garage. It seemed like

one hundred years ago. The time I snuck out from Edward and Jacob kissed me then I

broke my hand punching him. The time with Victoria (my body shook at the name) when

it was my familys and Jacobs life on the line. I made Edward stay and Jacob tricked me

into kissing him. I thought that was the turning point with them. They had both put their

differences aside to save me. Ugh! I hated feeling so useless.

I must have been zoned out in my thoughts because Edward and Jacob were arguing.

No! You dont understand! It isnt that simple! You have no idea how to control your

anger! You could--

I stopped Edward short and yelled.

Enough! I put my hands on both of their chests to prevent them from fighting. This is

ridiculous! Both of you are being ridiculous!

Edward dropped his hand and then let me go. I walked past both of them and then sat on

the bench. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. It was like forcing a cat and a dog

together.

Impossible.

I felt cold arms around my arms.

Bella, love, Im so sorry. I never meant to hurt you.

I could tell he was sincere about it but the reality of it all still stung my wound. He would

never learn to accept my relationship with Jacob. And Jacob would never learn to accept

my relationship with Edward.

I looked over at Jacob who was just standing and looking ashamed.

I just want to go home, Edward. I said through my sobs.

Ok, Ill take you home. He said rubbing my back.

No, I want Jake to take me home.

I felt a little guilty about saying that. It was like a slap in the face to him. He looked

furious but I could tell that he understood.

Please. I said trying to lower his anger.

He nodded in understanding. okay. If its what you want. He leaned down into my ear.

Just please, call me if anything goes wrong. Promise?

Promise. I said. I kissed him before I left but it wasnt the same. There was tension

between us. I could tell he felt it.

Bella? He asked as I was walking out the door. I turned around wiping my eyes from

tears. What am I going to tell Mike?

I shrugged and had to laugh a little. He was asking me? Worlds worst liar?

I dont know? You always come up with the right thing. Youll figure it out. I didnt

mean to sound a little on the edge with my temper but it slipped out.

Jacob and I got into his car and he started it up. The engine roared and we backed

out. It was silent and I didnt know what to say to him. Finally to my relief, when we

pulled onto the main road he broke the awkward silence.

Imsorry Bella.

It didnt sound sincere but I took it for what its worth. It was probably the most of an

apology I would ever get from this Jacob. I touched his hot, muscle built arm and smiled.

Its ok Jacob. Im just glad that youre safe. Tell me, where the heck have you been!?

He looked at me sheepishly then smiled a little. Uhwell. I first went to Canada and

over to someplace that had a beach. I really wasnt paying any attention to the signs.

I laughed at him.

I still have your motorcycle Bells. He raised an eyebrow and gave me a devilish look.

I dont think so, Jake. Id really rather not get Edward upset anymore. Besides, I really

just want to go home.

Jacob nodded and then put one hand over my shoulders and leaned into him. It felt too

hot and too big, but just right.

Was it coincidence that you were there tonight or were you following me? I asked with

a teasing tone.

I uhfollowed you. He shrugged.

I laughed a little. How long have you been doing that?

He shrugged. Since Ive been home. Like the last month.

I just shook my head and smiled. It didnt bother me like it should.

I felt him stiffen a little. Jacob, whats wrong?

He didnt look at me. He just kept his gaze on the road, concentrated. He shook his head

and took a breath like he was going to say something but exhaled and then shook his head

again.

nothing. he said unconvincingly.

I raised a scolding eyebrow at him and he looked quickly at me. Jacob.

I dont want to ruin anything. Please.

Jacob, its ok, you can tell me. Please

its justI wantedII wanted to knowwell

Spit it out Jake! I laughed nervously.

I just wanted to know how much time you had left.

My breathing stopped short and I became stiff. I hadnt really thought about it at all. I had

so much more on my mind. Jacob. He had been sidetracking all my thoughts.

I really hadnt had any time or room to think about the - wedding- ugh! Or the change

that was going to take place after the whole thing went down. All I knew was that Alice

was probably flooding the guest list with unneeded guests and planning something way

over the top with stupid frills and ruffles.

IIm not sure. The wedding is-- I gasped. I hadnt realized the date of today and the

date of the wedding. One week away! I said shocked.

What, you dont want to marry the le-Edward. He teased a little too coldly.

I glared at him. Of course I want to marry him Jake. Thats why Im still with him. I

love him. Forever and always.

He shook his head. Yeah. Whatever. His stare out the window turned ice cold and made me angry.

Ugh! You two are impossible! Its like trying to make a kid eat broccoli! They just fuss

and kick and scream! Why do you two have to be so negative! My cheeks were hot with

anger and my arms folded across my chest. I leaned away from Jacob and pouted.

Its impossible Bella. Cant you see that? Its never going to happen! Its not allowed!

I cant believe you!

I have to stay loyal to my brothers, Bella.

Its not fair! I love Edward but I love you too Jake! And you know as well as I do that

this has nothing to do with the tribe! You are just jealous!

He didnt say anything. He just glared out the windshield.

See! I told you! You just hate the fact that Im with Edward and cant get over it! Well Ive got news for ya- Its not going to change!

He still didnt say anything. He pulled into the driveway and I got out and slammed the

door hard on purpose. I hoped the window broke. I stomped up the walk. I heard the

window roll down.

Bella?

I angrily spun my self around. What! I barked.

Your jacket, you forgot it. He held out the jacket towards the window. I walked over to

snatch it and then stomped back up the walk. I heard the car drive away and then the tears

came. I felt a cold hand on my shoulder and gasped a little. He pulled me into his chest

and, for the second time tonight, I cried uncontrollably. I sobbed into his chest and my whole body shook.

I looked up at him. You know I love you, right?

He took his cold fingers and wiped the tears from under my eyes then wiped my cheeks.

Edward smiled. Of course. He said softly.

I buried my face into his chest again and then held him tighter. Imsos-sorry. I

sobbed. f-for everyeverything.

He pulled my arms away and then held my shoulders. Dont be sorry. You have every

right to be mad. Your only human. You cant help it.

I took a deep breath. I dont ever want to hurt you. Ever.

I know Bella, I know. As with me. He pulled me back into his chest.

dont leave me tonight. I dont want to be alone. Please. I pleaded.

Never my love. Not in a thousand years.

I pulled myself together and got my grip on things. I wiped my eyes and took a deep

breath. Edward walked into the house with me. Charlie wasnt home yet because we were

about three hours early between missing the movie and the fast driving home. We walked

up stairs together and I sat on my bed. I took my sneakers off and my jacket and shook

out the rain from my hair. I grabbed some pajamas-the ones with out holes- my bathroom

bag and headed into the bathroom.

The steam from the shower was hot and calmed me. I slipped my silk pajamas on

and towel dried my hair then walked back into my bedroom where Edward was laying.

I went to his side and curled against him. Edward took his cold hand and traced patterns

on my arm.

Your not hungry? He asked.

I chuckled. Way to kill the romance. I teased. And no Im not. I took his hand that

was tracing patterns and wrapped it around my waist and moved closer to him. I had

everything I needed right here. It didnt matter what happened with Jacob or how much I

was getting stressed over the wedding, or the fact that would I have to eventually say

goodbye to my parents forever. Nothing mattered except that I was safe with Edward and

I had everything I truly needed. Edward kissed the back of my head and hummed my

lullaby.

I drifted out into wonderful dreams. Me and Edward, together, in the meadow just

staring into each others eyes. The stream was bubbling in the distance. The birds chirping and Edward touched my hand lightly. When suddenly I saw a little boy sitting with us who looked

strikingly like Edward.

Chapter 3:: Stunned

The boy in my dreams had green eyes and odd bronze hair exactly like Edward. He sat there with bright sharp teeth and then was sitting on a pile of dead, lifeless bodies. I

shot up out of my dream and Edward was startled.

Bella, whats wrong? He asked full of worry.

I shook my head at him and to get the dreams vivid image out of my head.

Nothing. Bad dream.

Are you sure your ok?

I nodded.

Just remember its just a dream.

I nodded again. I didnt trust my voice.

He pulled me lightly back down and stroked my face singing my lullaby again. This time

I couldnt fall back asleep. I kept thinking of the little boy.

The next morning I woke up from a restless sleep. I looked at the clock that read five

thirty two. I groaned and turned to my other side. Edward moved his hands so I could roll

over.

Early riser? he teased. His voice sounded as if he never stopped speaking. It never got

groggy or cracked like mine. It was always smooth and honey like.

No. I just cant sleep. I was sure I looked like a mess.

I noticed. You tossed and turned all night and kept saying something about a little boy and you didnt know where he came from.

My cheeks blushed with embarrassment.

Hmm. Was all I said and got up to look half way decent.

After brushing my teeth and my hair I went back to my room and laid back on the

bed. I tried closing my eyes but nothing worked. Every time I closed my eyes I would see the little Edward with crimson eyes just staring at me. Finally, I gave up trying to get back to sleep and decided to start my day. I got up out of bed and got a glass of water. I didnt know what to do at six oclock in the morning.

I stood in the kitchen and stared out the window. There was no beautiful sunrise, there was just a lighter shade of gray to the sky. It was very quiet in the house that even my breath sounded too loud. Tuesday morning was boring. Edward came up silently behind me and wrapped his solid arms around me. I breathed in his unique smell. Okay, so maybe today wouldnt be that bad. Edward was right after all, it was just a dream. It might have been a little scary, but it wasnt real, at all. I set the glass in the sink and turned to face Edward. His gold eyes were soft and tender looking at me. I smiled at him and pulled my self into him. His stone chest was comforting and relaxing. He tightened his grip on me and I felt him kiss the top of my head. My - Fiance - I felt silly saying the word, was the most caring, passionate and loving person in the entire world. And in the entire world, I still cant believe he chose me.

Edward broke our intimate silence. I have a surprise for you. he said softly. Oh No. Here he goes again. As if we arent out of balance enough. What was it this time? A house, a jet, a really expensive sports car. I could only imagine. I took a deep breath a pulled away.

you know I hate surprises and gifts and anything related! I complained.

He just laughed at me. Edward was shaking his head. Well, its not really me, its Alice.

Alice! Oh great, even worse. Id settle for his gift but Alice was another topic. My over-the-top, crazy shopper, new-clothes-every-day, never-listen-to-what-people-say, future sister-in-law.

I groaned and Edward laughed again. Why dont I just runaway now. I teased.

Oh, Bella, Its really not that horrid.

Yeah, thats what you think. I might die from, I dont know, girl overload!

He rolled his eyes and laughed again. cmon. Get dressed, lets go.

Um, actually, well, you seeI just came down with this horrid cold. Yeah its really bad. I faked a cough. See, oops, guess I cant go, I wouldnt want to make you guys sick. I said innocently.

Well, that would be kind of hard, considering we dont have an immune system to even get sick. Or dont get dressed, its fine with me, Ill just carry you. He folded his arms stubbornly and I did the same.

I knew who was going to win this argument, it was obvious. But I could at least try.

I shook my head stubbornly. No. Im not going.

I really think you will like it. he said trying to convince me.

I looked at him with curiosity. I gave in and threw my arms in the air with a big sigh and walked upstairs.

Fine! I said defeated. But Im warning you, Im holding you responsible if I go into girly girl shock.

I heard him chuckle behind me and I stomped up the stairs. I got my clothes and walked into the bathroom to get ready. Anything that involved Alice was big and over the top or absolutely unnecessary. I could tell that this was exactly what this would be. Big, and definitely unnecessary.

After the shower and new change of clothes I checked my appearance in the mirror. A simple off white sweater with dark denim. My hair was drying curly on its own. I ran a quick brush through it and shook it out. Finally I walked back into my room where Edward was waiting. He was looking at an old picture book that my mom had put together for me before I left for Forks. I walked over to the my bed he was sitting on and looked at the picture. He was staring at a girl with short curly brown hair blowing out birthday candles and smiling embarrassed.. My mother was clapping behind me and smiling. Edward looked up at me.

Some Things never change. he laughed. He put the album back on the book shelf and took my hand.

Ready? he asked.

Do I have a choice? I said sarcastically. He chuckled and led me out.

He opened the passenger truck door for me and I slid in. my leg wouldnt stop bouncing and my stomach was doing flips. I was not looking forward to whatever Alice had planned. It was just more unnecessary embarrassment. We wound down the long driveway and stopped in front of the large house of my soon-to-be-family. We stepped out of the car and walked into the house. Rosalies slim, stunning, blond figure was standing with Alices short, fairy like figure. They were looking at some list and then they both turned around to look at Edward and I. Rosalie wasnt glaring, but she wasnt exactly welcoming either. Alices face lit up and flashed over to my side. She grabbed my hand and was dragging me over to the dining room table that was covered in papers and flowers and samples.

Cmon Bella! We have so much to do! Alice said excitedly.

I thought you were going to do this on your own.

Well, theres just one small thing I need from you. Well, actually, two things.

I gave Edward a wary glance. He gave me an encouraging head nod when what I really wanted was for him to take me away from all this.

Why couldnt we just go to Vegas! I complained to myself. Alice shot a glare at me.

Alice stopped and dropped her grip. Okay. Just answer one small question. Roses or carnations.

What are carnations? I asked dumbly. Alice rolled her eyes and showed me a picture.

Roses? I said unsure. I didnt know the big deal with flowers but roses seemed appropriate.

ok. No come with me. Edward stay down here please. And stay out of my head!

Edward gave her an angry look. I gave him a scared look. What was she planning to do!?

Alice grabbed my hand and we walked fast-human pace-thank god-upstairs. She led me up to her room that was completely spotless and there wasnt anything out of place. It was light and airy like the rest of the house. She dragged me to her closet that seemed bigger than the room itself. On a chair next to her vanity was laying the most beautiful wedding gown possible. It was lace and satin and long sleeved and looked just like a dress from an old century movie or book. I could only think of Jane Austen and her time.

I walked breathless and a bit teary eyed to the dreamy dress. Alice had a smug smile on her face.

I told you it wouldnt be that bad. She grabbed my hand again. You must try it on! She had illuminate smile.

I succumbed to her. I secretly was dying to try to the dress on too. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Fine.

She clapped her hands giddily and carefully picked the dress up and I slid out of my shirt and jeans.

The satin slipped gingerly over my skin and felt light and airy. It flowed down to the floor like a up-side-down calla lily. Alice smiled triumphantly.

Edward must love this. I said in a daze turning my body slightly to look from a different angle.

No. Edward doesnt know. I made sure that I absolutely never think of the dress around Edward. Tradition is important.

I shot her a youve-got-to-be-kidding-me look.

She rolled her eyes. Ok. Aside from the bride and groom. A wedding is still a wedding. And traditions are still important.

Thanks Alice. It really is amazing.

I know she said confidently.

I rolled my eyes and hugged her carefully-not to ruin the dress.

After trying on the dress Alice and I walked back down stairs where Edward was with Emmett.

Well hello bride-to-be. Got cold feet? I know Edward does. Emmett teased, nudging Edward in the shoulder. I shot him a glare.

No. I dont, Thank you very much.

Well. Im sure it will all be ok once you get to the end of the aisle. If you make it with out falling.

This time Edward shot him a glare and I just looked horrified. That was my one of my biggest fears. I knew being claimed the biggest klutz was going to make this special day a disaster. Edward came around to my side and wrapped his arms around my waist. He whispered in my ear.

Dont worry. Youll be fine. Ill catch you. And I dont have cold feetin that sense at least. he chuckled and I did too.

Alice came to stand in the living room with us. So, is Jacob coming?

Everyone, including me, looked at her.

well, wouldnt that be your job? Edward said.

No. I cant see him. She said with annoyance in her voice. We all knew that Alice hated not being able to see the future with some people. Or in this case, werewolves. She hated feeling weak.

But at this moment I felt weak. My knees felt weak. My throat got that uncomfortable lump and my eyes stung with tears. I felt one escape and I wiped it quick before anyone could see. It didnt help. More and more tiny, then growing bigger, tears fell down my face. I turned away from them and walked out of the room. I walked out of the house and sat down on the front porch. My head fell in my hands and I couldnt help it any longer. My body shook and strange noises were coming from a distant. I could only think about my last encounter with Jacob. Our last bad encounter. I just wanted everything to be fine between him and my family. I just wanted to be Switzerland. I didnt want to be the treasure or anything like that. But there were a lot of things I wanted that would never happen. No matter what.

I couldnt take it any longer. I had to get out of here. I got up and walked off the porch towards my truck and jumped in. As I jumped in and closed the door Edward was right there and scared me. I gasped.

Gosh! I really hate when you do that. I complained.

He had a hard look on his face. I was in trouble. I took a deep breath.

I really hate when you leave like that. He said still scolding me with his gold eyes.

Im sorry. I said biting my lip.

God, Bella. What is it gonna take to just get you to understand the importance of staying away from them?

My cheeks got hot and I was gritting my teeth. Hes my family too, Edward! Why cant you understand that? I saw the pain that crossed his eyes when I said that. I took it back immediately,

Im sorry Edward. I justI want to be Switzerland.

He looked at me questioningly.

I rolled my eyes. Switzerland. I dont want to be on either side of anyone. I want to be in the middle. Just me. Just Bella. Why is that so hard.

Because your not just Bella. You are my life. You are my very reason for existence. You are a part of me, that if you get hurt I couldnt live with my self for not protecting you from that danger.

You cant keep me away from my family Edward. People I love. People I care about. I trust Jacob. And I think we both know this goes a bit deeper than protection. Its jealousy.

He snorted and rolled his eyes. Bella, Jealousy? I dont think so.

I gave him a glare.

Okay. Maybe just a little but thats not the real reason I want you to be protected from him.

Please Edward. Please. I begged. If one thing at all goes wrong, I swear youll be the first person I will call. Please. Let me go see him. He needs me. Hes hurting inside. I need to fix this. Its not just wanting, it need. I gave him a desperate look.

He hesitated and I didnt know he was holding his breath until he exhaled deeply. Fine. I trust you. But you have to give me your word on telling me as soon as something goes wrong.

I took his icy hand in mine. It was colder than the chilled air outside. I looked him deeply in the eye.

I promise Edward. I kissed the top of his hand and then I let go. I started up the loud engine and drove into the dark winding roads then onto the lit streets into La Push

I pulled up to the muddy drive way of the Blacks residence. The same faded red house with a make shift garage that held so many memories. So many things have changed in such a short time.

I put the car in park and cut the engine. I sat there for a moment, gathering up the courage to go knock on the front door. I didnt know how Jacob would react to seeing me here. Our last confrontation hadnt ended so well. I pushed it to the back of my mind and put my hand on the handle.

My mind was having an argument on whether to just leave and let Jacob have some time or to go in be brave. I chose to be brave. This was a mess I made. So I had to clean it up. I opened the trucks door and walked through the muddy puddles and knocked on the door. My heart was racing. Billy answered the door. His face was aged and covered in lines. His hair fell to his shoulder, the color of salt and pepper. The line grew more defined as he smiled at me. His russet skin glowed in the dim light against his white teeth. It only made me want to smile back even more.

Well, hello there Bella. We havent seen you here around in a while. He said still smiling.

My smile faded just a little ad I had to work on not looking guilty. I just nodded. Is Jake here?

You just missed him, he went down to the beach. He pointed out the door behind me. I nodded.

Okay, Thanks. I waved goodbye and ran back through the mud to my truck. I started it up then headed down to First Beach.

I knew exactly why he would be there. He liked to think. Breath and not be bothered by his brothers or his father. He just wanted to sort through his issues. Him and I used to sit there a while back and talk. Thats also where I used to sit and listen to old Quileute legends of the tribe. Thats where my incentive that Jacob was even a werewolf came from. That one day on the beach, when I really had been looking for the truth behind Edwards odd behavior, I hadnt realized I lived in such a mythical town. It always made me think, what else was real out there. Was there really a Lockness Monster? Or was there really a such thing as green giants. I laughed at my self for that one. I was positive that there was no such thing as a green giant. But then again, werewolves and Vampires exist.

I rolled my eyes at my self with my runaway imagination. Doubt started to fill my thoughts. Doubt about whether or not Jacob wouldnt hate me forever. Doubt about marrying Edward or becoming a vampire in just a matter of weeks. What if Edward found someone else? I pushed that out of my mind immediately. That was absolutely crazy and impossible. But Jacobs doubt was still lingering. Had this been the last chance? How many does one get before the other has had enough. I was sure I was pushing my luck, but isnt that what Im good at? Pushing my luck?

I pulled on to the dirt road for First Beach. I couldnt see much with the canopy of trees covering the moonlight. My head lights only reached so far in the distance. I found the opening and parked. I could see now. The full moon lit the beach beautifully. It looked like a black and white movie. It was so bright. I stepped out of the truck and walked toward the cliffs. More memories flooded me. The cliff I jumped from for recreation and the voice I heard in my head. Im surprised Im not in the mental institution by now. I could certainly qualify. I walked over to the log that Jacob and I used to sit on. It looked different. There was no comfort in it. It was empty and lonely. Just a log. I sat on it anyways hoping to feel warmth from all the other times Ive sat there. Then a deep husky voice startled my train of thought.

What are you doing here. I could here the iciness and the hope in his voice. I tried to tune out the Icy part. I looked up at Jacob in the moonlight. His black hair seemed to glow and his skin seemed tanner and his muscles were toned.

I was looking for you I admitted nervously.

He walked toward me and sat down. The warmth was there but it didnt feel like it used to. It felt uncomfortable and tense.

Why he said a bit acidic.

I shrugged. Why had I come down here in the first place? To get Jacob to forgive me? My heart started racing again. My cheeks getting hot.

I just wanted to make things right.

He didnt say anything he just stared at the black crashing waves.

Jacob- I-Im sorry. I really am.

yeah. Me too he was softening up.

I didnt mean to hurt you Jake. I swear. I really want you to be there Jake. My best man I said nudging his arm. He smiled and I felt a little more relieved.

I shouldnt have gotten so upset about that whole thing in the car. Its not my business. Its just. I dont know. I dont want to lose my best friend.

Youll never lose me Jacob. Ever. Ill always be right here. No matter what. I didnt know how much was a lie but I knew most of it was the truth.

Yeah, but youll be the enemy.

It doesnt have to be that way. The pack had pretty much over come it.

He looked very guilty. Not anymore. I didnt mean to, but it kind of slipped. I was thinking about how long you said you had and the pack caught what I meant by that. The treaty is being broken and they are enraged. They want to kill the Cullens

My heart shattered and I couldnt feel my legs. What?!

Im sorry. I swear it slipped. It was an accident He couldnt look at me.

They want to kill my family! Jacob, you cant let them! I wailed. Millions of thoughts racing.

I cant turn my backs on my tribe, Bella

Thats such crap! Jake, do you realize that you would have to kill me too?

I wouldnt let them. Jacob said firmly.

I was enraged. Take my family, leave me to mourn. But Im going to be a Cullen, Jake! And even If I werent I wouldnt let you take them with out taking me.

Bella, relax. Nothings going to happen.

Jacob! The tribe wants to kill us! Kill!

Can you stop saying that! His hands were shaking in fists and his eyes were closed tightly. I worked to control my voice and stay calm.

Jacob. You cant let them do this. There has to be some kind of compromise or something. I mean I am the one willing to do it, so then its not necessarily going against it.

Yes it is, Bella. They are going to put there venom inside you no matter what. And our treaty doesnt permit willingness or anything.

Jacob, I love him. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

I know that, Bella. Im trying. For your sake.

I hugged his big chest and he wrapped his arms around me. I breathed in his musky sent of the earth.

Do you forgive me? I asked closing my eyes against his chest. I didnt want to look at his face. I was afraid of his reaction.

Of course. He hugged me tighter. I smiled and I felt like the weight of the world was just lifted off, not just my chest, but my whole body.

So youll still be my best man? My side?

I felt his body jiggle with his laughter. Yes Bella. Im still your best man. Always and forever. But only your side.

I let him go and smiled warmly at him. I was so grateful to have an understanding friend. Even if he could be an obnoxious, selfish werewolf. He was still my Jacob. Somewhere in there.

I should go though. Charlie will be expecting me home. I told him reluctantly.

He just nodded and smiled. I got up from the log and walked to my truck. I looked back at Jacob who was tossing rocks into the water. I pulled out of the beach and headed home. I felt so much lighter and better about myself. I couldnt keep the smile off my face. I knew that Jacob wasnt mad at me and that he forgave me and that in three days, he would be my best man. On my side. Things were looking a lot better.

Chapter 4 .::Dreams::.

I pulled into Charlies drive way and cut the engine. I grabbed my purse and got out of the truck. I walked up that path and couldnt help but smile. I walked inside where Charlie was sitting watching the usual basketball game.

Hey dad I called happily.

hey bells. Have fun? he asked not looking from the TV.

Yeah. I did. I ran upstairs with out having to explain m extra giddiness to Charlie. I opened my door and Edward was sitting on my bed.

Hi I said going to sit next to him.

I fell back into his arms and he wrapped them around me.

Hello. Have a nice time?

I nodded. Hes still my best man. I chuckled.

thats good. Im glad everything worked out for you.

I sighed and smiled. Me too.

Edward kissed the top of my head and then took his cold hand and stroked my cheek. My worries melted away. Everything seemed to be settling into place. My place in Edwards life and mine in his. Mine and Jacobs relationship. The wedding didnt even seen to be giving me the jitters--at the moment. It was all just humming in the back of my mind, silently.

My mind started to drift but I was still conscious. I was drifting to memories. The good and the bad. I started to think about when Edward left-painfully- and how Jacob was there for me. He was there to stitch me back up, as Edward had once put it. His repair had left its own mark on my heart. The memories of sitting with him on the log at First Beach. When he held me in his arms and the heat felt comforting. How I knew that I would pay for this in the long run. And now here I was, claiming my love for two people. But the choice never changed. I still was going to be with Edward. I had to. There was no other option. It was not something that could easily be left. He was not something I could leave. I didnt even want to think about it. But it was so hard because deep down, no matter how good their poker faces were, they were both hurting. Over me. I grimaced at the thought. I was hurting Jacob by being with Edward and choosing him. But on the other hand, I was hurting Edward, a much as he denied it, by caring about Jacob far more than necessary. And he knew that I loved Jacob. More than just a family friend. He knew I was in love with him. But Edward knew, at least I hoped, that I loved him more. More than anything in the world or the entire universe. I loved him more than the air I breathed. He was a part of me. He was welded into me and it would cause serious physical pain to have that removed.

My mind drifted back to my memories again of when I was going half crazy in the time Edward and I spent apart. When I was in Port Angeles with Jessica when I walked into the face of danger, or so I thought It was. Only because I realized that I could hear Edward as my conscious. I had the key to his voice. Of course I knew I should have been checked into a nut house. But it was almost like a key to my survival. Of course the price after was my hole of pain in my chest that ripped through and I was nearly dying of loneliness. My thoughts changed. It had begun to remember Italy and how great it felt to just see him there. Existing. His pale skin, golden eyes (well black, due to lack of hunting) and perfect statue body was really there. Standing in the shadows of the alley in Volterra. He thought he was dreaming and our thoughts matched up perfectly. I had to gather my thoughts up quickly to save him and had to convince myself that I wasnt seeing some mirage that would fade away. But when I ran into his body and he didnt fade or ripple away, my whole life went up into sparks and I could feel myself again. I could feel the ease of breath that I had when he was there and I could really feel him, rather than my imaginations weak perception of him. After our close call of death to The Volturi I still couldnt bring myself to let go of him. When I woke up but I thought I was dreaming, and sometimes I still feel like Im going to wake up and this will just have been a very vivid dream, I couldnt convince my self. I could convince myself that he was really there. In my room, touching my face with his icy fingers, searching my face with his beautiful eyes. I was so afraid I had reached my level. That I had truly over done it and that my imagination was holding back all this time to just torture me with a vivid memory that was stored somewhere deep in my brain. But he was there. He still is here. Holding me. I smiled and then moved closer into his chest.

He started to sing my lullaby and I started drifting and my thoughts followed me to my dreams. I dreamt about the vote that had followed after Italy and Edward convincing me I wasnt dead or dreaming. That I was perfectly fine, breathing and awake. Carlisle had agreed to change me into a vampire after graduation. Though Edward was strongly against it, and still is, he had a compromise. A very, very unnecessary compromise. Marriage. I had just planned on Vegas in sweats but Alice had put a guilt trip on me and I couldnt resist. That was before she saw him propose to me in his bed room when he kidnapped me. Not Alice. Grateful and a bit nervous to have a house all to ourselves while the rest of the family went to hunt to get ready for the big Victoria Battle, somewhere, my plans for fulfilling my demands went awry. I had planned on taking action on our physical relationship but of course, he stopped me. He said he liked to stick to traditions and that we would try after we got married. I was a bit upset. Then he proposed.

My thoughts had taken a different, unexpected turn. Jacob. I thought of how he had kissed me that first time in front of his house. When hed told me that he loved me and it was never going to change, then practically assaulted me. He kissed me and I was furious. I punched him, hoping to have some kind of painful reaction. But the only reaction I got was me breaking my knuckle. I laughed a little at myself. I should have known better. Then I thought about the second kiss. The one before the fight. He had tricked me into it and I didnt really realize it until after. I kissed him back. His hot lips were burning into mine. I could still feel them. My mind was screaming to keep kissing but then the other half of my head was screaming to get out now. Think about Edward. But I couldnt. All I could think about was Jacob and the comforting heat that radiated off his mouth and body. I felt like a horrible person after he left and Edward found me in the tent. He didnt get mad one bit. He didnt have an ounce of anger in his tone. It just added on to my guilt and frustration. How could he be so forgiving? I still dont understand how I deserve him.

When I had found out that Jacob had gotten hurt, my heart ached. It still does at the thought. The day I went up to see him in his room, awake for the first time. The things that were said. How Id finally realized I did want Jacob. But I didnt need him. And I didnt want him the way I wanted Edward. He had told me that he understood, he couldnt compete with an Eclipse. The last thing he said, and I knew It was true in so many ways, was that he loved me more. Then after that, I didnt see him until just a couple weeks ago at the movies. My heart nearly flew out of my chest at the sight of him. For 3 months I had a missing piece in my heart. A piece that couldnt be replaced by time or any other person. The guilt I felt was unbearable. Knowing that I was the one who caused Jacob pain was just too much to handle. I could hardly live with myself and It made me feel even worse that Edward had to see me feel pain for someone else. Some who he knew held a special place in my heart, always.

My dreams flitted around. Flickering like someone who was flipping a channel too fast. Eventually they just went out. It was black and then a little dim light came into view. I saw the green eyes and little teeth bared. Again. I wanted to face this dream. I let it play out. I wanted to see. As the dream kept going. The little boy walked around in a big circle, taking in his surroundings. I saw as he did. Bodies. Empty bodies. Drained and pale. Laying lifeless on the ground of our meadow. Edward held onto my shoulder. I could see black figures in the distance coming towards us and I felt an instant reaction to protect the boy. My eyes bounced back and forth to the bodies. As I recognized the faces. Charlie, Renee, Jessica, Angela, Mike, Ben, Quil I threw my gaze back at the black shadows that were no more than ten feet away now. Their crimson eyes were staring at the little boy. He looked at me frightened and me and shrieked one word.

Mommy!

I shot out of my sleep and I was gasping for air. I couldnt breath. Edward was startled and he was almost having a panic attack.

Bella! Bella, whats wrong.

I coughed and then I took in a staggered breath. It seemed uneven. I closed my eyes, put my palms to my forehead and shook my head harder. The green eyes were burned into my head. The one word the boy had shrieked echoed.

I need a minute I said out of breath. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I splashed ice cold water on my face. I didnt know what I saw but that child was mine. It was a killer, it was a monster. But for some reason, I felt the need to protect him. It wasnt a choice. It was a natural instinct to save him from those crimson eyes. I shook my head harder. I walked slowly, with my arms tightly around my chest, into my bed room. Edward was sitting on my bed. Tense and alarmed, he took my hand and he scolded.

What happened, Bella. You need to tell me. He said in a serious, urgent tone.

II dont know. Just a very vivid dream I guess. It scared me. I didnt want to tell him the truth. The whole truth at least. I knew he saw through me. His arms wrapped around me and then he rocked me and kissed my forehead.

Its ok, Bella.

The word the boy screamed echoed again and I felt the tears well up in my eyes.

Bella, what were you dreaming about?

I shrugged. its nothing.

No, its not nothing. You looked extremely frightened.

IWell I wasnt sure if hed take it as a sign that I wasnt ready to get married. Maybe he would think that I wanted to have kids and a normal life. But I knew I couldnt lie to him. It was impossible.

Go on Bella.

It was you and I in the meadow but there was a little boy withwith green eyes. He killed people I knew. Charlie, Renee and my friends. Even Quil. And then, these black figures with these red eyes came toward him. The boy looked so frightened and I dont know why, but I needed to protect him. I started to cry a little. I bet this sounds so silly to you.

No. No not at all. Did anything else happen?

I hesitated. Should I tell him what the little boy called me? Could I tell him. Edward waited for me to continue.

HeHe was so scared. He looked up at me and screamed for me. But he didnt call me by my namehe called meermommy.

I closed my eyes tightly. I didnt want to look up at his reaction. I didnt know what I would see. I didnt want to know. I felt his body tense ever so slightly.

Mommy? He repeated in a daze.

I just nodded.

Well, its only a dream Bella. Only a dream. He sounded distant. Like he was trying to comfort himself as well.

I know. It was justscary thats all. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled my self closer to him. His grip tightened.

Are you ok? He still sounded distant and his body was like a statue. It was tense and worried. I knew that I should have just kept my mouth shut, but of course, I messed it up. Again.

Yes I cursed inside my head as my voice broke. I wasnt ok. He knew that now. Great. He doesnt need anymore to worry about.

BellaHe scolded, pulling me away from his chest to look at my face. I tried to just hold on but he was too strong.

Im fine, Edward. Really. I am. I sounded a little more convincing this time but he didnt seem convinced.

Bella. Its ok. It was only a dream. In your head, it wasnt real.

I just nodded. There was a strange depressing emotion that came with those words as he spoke. The little green eyed boy was beautiful. He was just like Edward. He was Edward. He was his offspring-his son. I wanted it to be real. I dont know why but I did. I must be going mad. Ive never wanted a child. I never took the whole drool and spit up and waking up at regular intervals every three hours of the night. But for this child, I would. I would do it with pride. I shook my head at the thought. What was wrong with me!

I must be going crazy.

I rested my head back down on the pillow and moved myself closer to Edward. He started to hum my lullaby again. I drifted just a bit. But then he stopped. The patterns he was making on my back stopped and he became statue like again. He took my hand in his and then whispered so quietly that I could barley hear.

Bella? He asked.

I kept my face down. I wasnt facing him which was good. Yes? I barely whispered.

He took in a breath to speak and then let it go. It was very rare that Edward was at a loss for words. Very rare. My mind jumped to the worst. The last time this happened, he left. I was taken aback. Worried. Scared. Could this really be happening? I felt the ghostly hole of his absence ripple. It was preparing itself to open again. Except this time, I dont think it would be bearable. It would ache so badly. It hurt just to think about it. I fought back the tears and clenched my jaw. I tried to reason with me quick thoughts. No, Edward wouldnt do that to me. He couldnt. Not when our wedding was days away. Oh gosh. What if he thought I wasnt ready. That my attitude was something deeper than just dislike of attention and gossip. What if he thought that I didnt love him. I did love him! With every cell in my body. In no way could I ever live with out him. I just couldnt. Id die for sure this time. I vow to not be alive to live through that. It would be worse than when he left what seems like ages ago. It would be worse than when he was about to commit suicide in Italy. And weve come so far in this. Past all evasiveness and the barriers. He knew me better than I knew myself. Even though some things he ignored, like my distaste for gifts.

We came so far. He thought it would be better if he left, but it wasnt. It just made me love him more. My body and my heart couldnt bear the pain if he left. It would be like severing an arm with no morphine. No, I could take that. I would take that if it came to that and him leaving. Ugh, my heart ached even more. My stomach felt sick and I felt beads of sweat forming on the back of neck. Tears spilled over my eyes. I held it back. I had to. He couldnt see me like this.

I gripped what little sanity I had and forced my self not to overreact. But the way his body tensed and the way he sounded was just all to familiar. In a way that I didnt want to remember.

I sucked in a deep breath and shut my eyes. What is it Edward?

He didnt say anything. My fears seemed like they were confirmed. My body tensed. I could feel the ache more clearly now. It was festering. Burning, ripping, tearing through me.

Edward? Please. Answer me. I sounded on the edge of hysteria. Tipping at the point of knife.

I swallowed and my throat was dry. My stomach clenched. Just do it now I thought. Just get it over with. Just let me be. Let me die and shrivel up alone.

BellaDid you want that dream to be.real? He sounded scared but a bit hopeful.

I didnt know what to say. My pulse beat louder than a drum and my heart sped. The sweat was building on the nape of my neck. My body went rigid. What do you say to that? How do you say it? Will he leave if I say yes? Or what if I say no? Will he think I dont love him enough to mother a child if it were possible? My throat went dry and my mouth wouldnt open. But I forced it out.

Idontknow. Was all I said. Thats all I could say.

You have to be honest Bella. Please. He sounded fierce. It made me more afraid to look into his eyes. I was afraid to see what emotion was dancing on his face.

I couldnt lie. Hed know if I did. But what was a the price Id pay for it. The word slipped off of my tongue and the minute he heard them, I wished I could take them back.

Yes. The tears fell harder. My body shook with the sobbing and I couldnt gain control. I didnt know what emotion I felt except what was to come. Pain. Unbearable pain and suffering. I couldnt breathe. My lungs felt like they had just given out by that one little word.

His grip loosened and then he rolled over not touching me at all. He took in a deep breath. I didnt want to move. I just wanted him to do his damage. I knew this delusional fairytale was coming to an end. It was crashing down like a boulder on a car. Crushing any hopes I had. I knew that I shouldnt have believed myself the night we came back from Italy. He was such a good liar and he knew what he was doing. A very small voice in the back of head told me not to jump to conclusion and that I shouldnt panic. He just needs time. Time. We didnt have time. I was getting older everyday and right now I felt like my whole life just slipped through my fingers like sand.

Finally I faced the inevitable. I turned around and looked at his face. His arm was over his face and he was breathing heavy. Something Ive never seen him do before. I tried to wrench his arm off but it was no use. It wouldnt budge. I cleared my throat quietly and put on my weak brave face. There was no way I could be brave. Not with the inkling of knowledge, that Edward might leave for good this time, it was crushing any courage I had.

Edward. Please. Look at me. Please. Sounded like a pleading dog. My voice cracking and groggy from sleepiness and crying.

He didnt move his arm but he spoke in a bleak, unemotional voice. Bella, why do you love me.

My fear and sorrow was quickly turned into rage. How could he ask that question. What?

I said bitterly. How? Why! How could he even think to ask that. Why would he think to ask that.

Why, Bella! He almost growled.

II just do Edward. Why do you love me? I spat back.

He abruptly removed his arm from his face and his eyes seared into mine. They were almost black with fury. His eyebrows formed angry lines in his forehead.

I love you because you are the most amazing thing in my world Bella. I love you because you show me more to my kind than there is. You have resurrected the human in my soul Bella. But why, why do you love me. I have done nothing to deserve such love from you. I have taken everything from your life

I could tell he was talking to his inner voice of reason. He was thinking about right and wrong.

Dammit Edward! Stop! How could you say that! You have given me everything! Not take it!

I nearly screamed the words through a whisper.

What have I given you Bella? I have taken your life away. You almost died four times because of me!

My blood was boiling and the tears of rage were coming down like a breaking dam. Stop! Thats not true! Not at all! Im alive because of you! Edward, please. My voice turned desperate. I sat up straight. Please, if you dontlove me anymore The words were like a knife to my gut and heart. Slicing away. Please. You need to tell me now.

He looked at me like he realized something. I need time to think And with that he blurred out of my room and what seemed like my life, ripping my heart out and taking it with him.

::Chapter 5:: Affliction

I fell to my knees on the floor and let my head fall into my hands. I tried to grab after him but I ended up stumbling off the bed. The sobs wouldnt cease. My body shook violently. The ripping agony that was threatening before, now won over. I squeezed my torso and prayed to god that this pain would just kill me. The ring on my finger felt cold and heavy. Insignificant. I couldnt stand to be in this room with the knowledge of what just happened. The shaking came in convulsions and I couldnt breathe. My lungs were ripped away with my heart. My head was dizzy and my body felt cold and clammy. I felt sick to the core and I leaned to the side pressed my cheek to the floor. I closed my eyes and wished I could erase my memory.

My mind was somewhere else. It was lost. This was wrong. This isnt a fairytale. This isnt a classic love story. The sobs came out harder. I closed my eyes tighter. All I saw was him. His beautiful face twisted in anger and agony. The last memory I would have of him, blurring out of room. Out of my life. This pain was so much stronger than before. I could live through the other pain. This is couldnt and I wouldnt. I was not going to fight anymore. There was nothing left to fight for. There was no reason for my existence in this cruel world.

Cold hands, colder than ice touched my arm. I sprang up and looked at the face that was in front of me. My gut clenched and anger blurred my vision. This wasnt what I wanted. It wasnt who I wanted. Alice was there by my side, trying to comfort me. Of course. She would know what his decision was and how it tore me into pieces. I swiped my hand at her and spoke through clenched teeth.

Get away! Leave me alone!

Alice looked sad but understanding. I almost felt guilty. Almost.

Bella, Im so sorry.

Did you not hear me, Alice? I SAID GO! I screamed at the top of my lungs.

I didnt care if Charlie would have a near heart attack. I flung myself up off the floor and swung open the door. It crashed into something and it fell over. I didnt care. I ran downstairs and threw open the front door. I had no shoes on and I looked like hell. I jumped in my car and turned the key on. I pealed out of the driveway and onto the road. I nearly hit a mail box and a tree. I couldnt think where I wanted to go. I had no idea what was going on. I just knew that I couldnt breath and that I didnt want to stay in that house. Then my mind sprang into action and I floored the pedal as far as it would go.

My truck screeched and groaned in protest but I didnt seem to hear it. I just kept going. After I passed the line for La Push I sighed in relief, I rode down the dirt path to First Beach and skidded to a stop. I turned the key out and got out of the truck, not bothering to slam it shut. I threw my keys back on the seat.

The cliffs that were so high up seemed to glow in the moon light. They looked like a free way out of this misery. I silenced the voice in my mind that told me to stop what I was doing.

Dont be rash. He still loves you. He just needs time. Time. That word lingered in my head. I shut it out immediately. He didnt care. He didnt love me. He didnt need time. Edward made up his mind. And it just happens it was three days before our wedding.

My hands were in fists. No one would see. No one would hear. The damn Cullens couldnt cross this line. Ever. It was against the treaty. I laughed internally. Thank god for the treaty. Now I could do what fate wanted to so long ago. When Edward first came into my life, when the van came so close to crushing me, what James was going to do, what should have happened when Laurent was in the woods, what the Volturi were supposed to do. What Victoria should have done. Now it was time. Fate had its way now. There was nothing or no one in its path of destruction. I stopped at the edge of the cliff and dj vu hit me hard in the gut. This is what also should have killed me. But it didnt. My last thoughts of Edward were I love you. Now they would be, I loathe you. I jumped off the edge and screamed. It wasnt fear or excitement. It was rage. Anger. My body smacked into the water that pierced my skin like cold needles. I didnt fight or kick. I just kept thinking in my head how nice it would be when the black tide took over my body and I sunk into the dark ocean. Alone.

The words kept repeating in my head. I loathe you, I loathe you. Memories flooded in like the water in my burning, struggling lungs. Edward and the meadow, his skin glittering, his kisses, his cold hands around me. The night after Italy. Lies. LIES! I should have known not to trust him. I should have known not to trust myself when he convinced me I wasnt sleeping and that he wasnt a just a mirage of my deranged mind.

I sank deeper and deeper. It felt so good to just escape. I could feel every muscle in my body twitching to fight but I didnt want to. This is what fate wanted. My number had been up long ago as Edward had said. This is it. I tilted my head back, the tide taking me under deeper. The water was comfortingly cold. It was better this way. Charlie wouldnt have to deal with a depressed daughter and neither would Renee. Its over. Im over.

Finally, the blackness took over. My lungs burned and ached. They were fighting for air. Fighting for their life. I told them to just give up. Just like I had. My hand drifted lifelessly above my head and my shirt flowed in front of my face. I blew out the last bit of air in my lungs and the bubbles floated out above me. I smiled and then let the ice freeze my heart. This was going to be quick and easy. A clean break.

Something grabbed me. Yes. Its starting. Starting in my wrists. The ease of pain. The ease of death traveling through my veins. This is what I probably would have felt the last time if Jacob hadnt saved me. It was cold. Colder than the water. It wrapped tightly around my wrists.

NO! NO!NO! I thought as I felt my body being lifted. This isnt happening. Someone is grabbing me! Some one isnt going to let me end my suffering.

Just let it take me. Fate wants this! Stop! What are you doing!

The rocks of ice grabbed my wrists and pulled me up more.

Stop it! I wished I could scream but my lungs were to clogged with the ocean water.

It pulled me up, faster and harder. My mind was drifting out. Yes. I thought. Oh god, just let me die.

This was it, I could feel it. The last moment of my life. But the ice on my wrists wouldnt let go. They pulled effortlessly and then I could feel wind. I wanted to kick and scream.

Something was stabbing and punching me in the ribs. What was going on? Were my eyes open? Everything was black. It kept stabbing. The hands were too cold. The spot where it was beating felt like it would turn to ice. My body convulsed and felt my arms go limp. Yes. Theres still hope of my death.

Then I heard the devils voice.

God damn, Bella! Isabella Marie Swan, you are not going to die like this! It growled. I felt one ice hand grab my jaw and then the lips came crashing down, blowing cold, frigid air in my body and half kissing my almost lifeless lips.

Curse the devil! Curse it to hell! Leave me in peace! Leave me to die!

I coughed involuntarily. Something scraped my back. It felt like loose sand paper. Little sticks and branches were piercing my skin every time the cold hands beat my chest.

Hot water flowed from my mouth. Black specks distorted my vision. I couldnt move. I felt paralyzed. My hands couldnt swipe at what I knew was standing, hovering above me. Beating the life inside my battered body. My anger wasnt suppressing. It grew and festered. My torso felt like it would snap in half.

I struggled to get any sound out of my throat. It stung and ached. Finally, my instincts told me to inhale and I did. I staggered in a painful breath. Gasping. This hurt so much more than dying. My hands felt weak and couldnt hold a grasp on anything. Finally, my vision came back. There above me, in the moonlight was the devil. The very image of Satan himself. I tried to claw at it, and scream to get away from me but my weak, pathetic body wouldnt let me.

Oh , Bella the honey smooth voice gasped in relief. The voice made me flinch against the sand as if I just heard screeching nails drag across a blackboard.

I closed my eyes and the cold, intruding hands held me to its marble chest. I drew in a staggered breath and then forced my lungs to say the words I wanted to scream. Get off, Edward. I barley whispered.

He let me go and then I could see the hurt he had in his eyes. I didnt care if I sounded bitter. He would never feel half the pain I feel now. He only deserved such pain.

Bella I- He sounded lost and confused.

Stop. Let me go Edward. The name made my vision see red.

He scooped me up. I tried to protest but my body just wouldnt let me. We were walking back to my truck when I saw the ashamed look on Alices face behind me. I narrowed my eyes and preyed that she would pay for this. In the worst way possible.

Edward set me down in the cab of my truck. He slid me over and closed the door then turned the key in the ignition. I was laying with my back on the seat and my head on his lap. I didnt want to be with in ten miles of this thing. This evil being that was ruthless and had no sympathy.

I hate you I said with my cracking voice.

He didnt say anything. He just drove straight and steady. He never took his eyes off the road.

We twisted and turned and the drowsiness of my suicide attempt was catching up to me. It was starting to get lighter out and it seemed longer to get back to my house, which is where I thought we were going out. The sky was growing in its shades of gray. My mind slipped away from me. My throat was burning with each breath I was taking. Eventually, the blackness took over and I fell asleep, dreamless. I just was hoping that the car would crash and I could then get what I asked for. To die.

Its not fair that he gets to leave, unharmed, untouched. I had to suffer his choice. I couldnt go on with this anymore. I couldnt stand him lying to me like this. Its bad enough that I let this go on for two years. I believed his melting gold eyes. I believed the silky, warm, honey, smooth voice that told me he loved me. It was a charade. Maybe I was just an experiment to his strength and self-control.

The stupid little voice was chattering in the back of my head.

Or maybe he really does love you. And he just feels guilty about not giving you a normal human life. Maybe he just wants you to be happy. He loves you deeply and everything he said couldnt be a lie. Its not a charade-

I shut the thought out and went back to drifting into sleep

It felt like Id been sleeping forever. I was still on Edwards lap in the car. I was sprawled out on my back. I looked at the sky. It was pure white. I looked at my dashboard at the clock. It read six fifteen.

Three hours had passed. I looked up at his eyes. They were black. Not black from hunger. Definitely not thirsty. They were sad, they had agony in them. It reminded me of last year in Italy when he was about to step in the sun to expose himself. Lifeless, no reason for living. I wasnt going to think about it. It was a lie. Lies. Thats what our relationship was based on. Lies.

I tried to sit up but I ended up falling back into his lap. He looked at me and stroked my hair. I tried to tell him stop, but the words couldnt make it out. It felt too good. Just another lie. Just another charade to make me think he still cared. But I knew better. Tomorrow hed leave. Hed make me suffer all over again. My torso ached again and I wrapped my scratched arm around it to hold myself together.

Dont ever, ever do that again Bella. You scared me to near death. He sounded furious but also relieved and in complete agony.

I managed to choke out some sound through my burning throat. Why do you care.

He looked at me with his hard, black eyes. They ripped through me and I couldnt breath even more. My head went dizzy. Why do I care? I love you Bella.

Dont say that I nearly whimpered.

I do Bella! Youre my life, my world-

Stop! I yelled and ignored the piercing knife in my throat. You dont care. its a lie. its a stupid, stupid lie. tears welled in my eyes.

I do care Bella. Im sorry I reacted that way. Truly. There isnt a thing in this world I wouldnt do to take what I said back. I just was so upset. You wanted to have a child and I cant give you that. Im taking it away from you.

I laughed at that. I couldnt contain it. Its not just any child. It was yours Edward. And my god, I know what I am giving up! But theres one thing that I could never give up. That was you! God you are so blind. Stop lying to me Edward! You promised youd never leave again and you did. I cant do this Edward.

His breath caught. Do what He sounded unsure and afraid.

This. I cant pretend that you love me.

Stop talking nonsense Bella. You know I would never lie to you. He sounded angry.

The knife kept piercing my throat, but there were things to be said. I ignored it.

Then why did you leave me? Damn Edward! I dont want to marry someone who is unsure. I cant and I wont. This is exactly what I fear most about marriage. Making a mistake. I dont want to make a mistake. I didnt think I was until tonight.

He held me closer and took my limp hand in his. The touch that usually would have sent thrill through my body, now brought pain of ripping holes through my chest.

I know that Im not making a mistake. I mean what I say Bella. I do love you. I will always love you. Forever.

I sobbed again. I couldnt help it. Stop lying to me! I nearly screamed.

Isabella he scolded. His voice was thick with authority. I am not a liar. I have never lied to you.

Yes you did. I whispered and the sobbing broke out harder and more painfully.

I had to Bella. That one time. I tried to protect you. But I told you the truth. Bella, Im sorry. Please. Forgive me. I was being absurd.

I stared into his soft, honey eyes that were melting into liquid. His face was telling me he was telling the truth. I wanted to believe it so badly.

How do I know you wont think like this anymore? I asked, calming my sobs.

I love you too much. You can trust me.

But why would you even question how much I love you.

I was being absurd and I am so, very, very sorry.

It was so easy to succumb to his love. So easy to just believe him. But the memory of just four hours ago haunted me. He left.

Why did you ask me if I wanted the dream to be real I asked more calmly. The fire was still in my throat.

Because I hate knowing I cant give you what you want. He looked lost and sad.

I took his hand into mine and kissed his knuckles. The action nearly killed me. My heart tore in two. It would be so easy to surrender to him. To just keep playing along to his lie.

You did give me what I want. You gave me you. A tear escaped the corner of my eye and he wiped it.

Why would you go and try to end your life, Bella? You know I cant live with out you. He wrapped his arms around me.

I cant live with out you. Its impossible. This pain was going to be harder than before. I didnt want to live through that. The hole started bubbling with pain.

Oh, dear Bella. I wasnt going to leave. I dont have the strength Bella. You overestimate me.

He kissed the top of my head.

What was it that made you go from my room? The memory made me shudder.

I just wanted the dream to be real too. Like I said before, I hate not being able to give you everything. I feel like Im snatching your life away from you.

How many times must I say this before you understand? I have everything. Right here. With me. I dont want anything else. I can live with out children. Because theyd never be your children. Its just not the same. I sighed and wrapped my arms around him.

He pulled me away to look at my face. Then his lips came crashing down on mine with such force that I almost had to pull away. His usual cautious barriers were down. He was strong and unyielding.

He pulled me up into his lap and knotted his fingers through my salty, stale hair. He pulled his face away from mine a little and kissed the corners of my mouth and my cheeks. He made a trail down my jaw line to the hollow base of my throat to my chest. My heart was racing and my head was so dizzy.

I love you, Bella. More than you could ever imagine. He looked into my eyes and I then I could tell that my little chattering voice in my head was telling the truth. He did love me. He will always love me. Forever.

I love you, too. Forever.

He smiled and then pressed his lips to mine once more.

Please, dont ever scare me like that again.

Tears filled my eyes again and I could breath again. It was free and easy. I promise.

I sat up and finally looked outside the windows. We were by the trail to our meadow. It was green and wet from the rain that was stopped momentarily. Edward turned the truck on and it groaned to life.

He took his time driving out. I curled into his side and held onto his hand. Never again would I ever think like that. Edward loved me and my fate was him. Edward was my fate. Fate wanted him to intervene. Why hadnt I thought about that. I smiled and kissed his fingers, savoring every minute.

.::Chapter 6::. Complacent

Edward pulled into Charlies drive way. Jacobs Volkswagen Rabbit was parked in front along with a few cop cars. Great. He was going to have a search party. Edward turned the car off and we got out of the car. My clothed were stiff and uncomfortable from the salt water. They were d