’twas the night before christmas · christmas miscellany (vol 287) 24/31 december 2011 the...
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christmas miscellany
(Vol 287) 24/31 December 2011www.pjonline.com
The Pharmaceutical Journal 747
’Twas the night before Christmas’Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the shop,Not a printer was stirring; they’d come to a stop.Prescriptions were filed in their boxes with care,In hopes the bank holiday soon would be there
The workers were bound towards home for the break,With visions of turkey, and mince pies to bake.I was still closing up and lost deep in thought,Trying to ensure that I’d done all I ought.
When out on the step there arose such a clatter,I sprang from the dispensary: What was the matter?Away to the shopfloor I flew like a flash,Tore open the door and out I did dash.
The street lamps shone down on the new fallen snow,Tinting bright orange the cold pavement below.When what to my wondering eyes should appear,But a thumping great sleigh and eight smelly reindeer.
With a plump, white haired driver, so lively and quick,I knew in a moment it must be St Nick.“Good evening” said he,“Sorry to be late, “I need some advice. You help would be great.”
He tied up the reindeer and swept in through the door,His red robes with fur-trim trailing the floor.With his pink cheeks so plump and his belly so fat,Could this be a customer for orlistat?
But he said “Have you something for aches in theback?I’m not getting younger and then there’s this sack.I’ve only tonight to deliver this load, And I’m just about ready to take to the road.”
I asked about drugs and other conditions, Offered analgesia, and admonitionsOn climbing down chimneys with gifts, heavy-weighted,And suggested some help, but then St Nick stated:
“Elves are wonderful craftsmen, but not verystrong,They can’t really help me, well not for too long;I’ll have to continue, I’m not very sure how,It’s something Elf and Safety should never allow.”
“And what can you give me for dire indigestion? Can I eat more healthily, that is the question.”We discussed nutrition from mince pies and boozeI quietly reminded him of drink-driving rules.
I suggested more carrots and fewer mince pies,Reducing fat in his diet and portion size.I pointed out binge drinking was very unwise,And extolled the huge benefits of exercise.
“And now,” he said, smiling, “I’ve more questionsfor you,Have you been a good pharmacist, the whole yearthrough?Have you cared for your patients, whoever theybe?Kept up to date and done your CPD?”
I replied that I’d tried to do all that I could,To use all my knowledge for everyone’s good.Being professional, as all pharmacists shouldSt Nick listened gravely, nodding where he stood.
He left with an antacid and paracetamol,But the leaflets I gave him, the reindeer ate ’em all, “Just remember,” I called, “beware of the sherryLet the deer do the driving if you are too merry.”
He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a cry,And away they all flew, hooves and heads all heldhigh.And I heard him exclaim, as they cleared the wall,“I’ll see you next year, happy Christmas to all!”
Next morning I woke to a wonderful sight,St Nicholas had filled my stocking that night.With a note saying “thanks to my ownpharmacist,You’ll never again be on my naughty list!”
— BY SARAH MARSHALL WITHAPOLOGIES TO CLEMENT CLARKE MOORE