Handling an Attention-Seeking Child Page 1 Page 2

"Mommy, come here and see my picture.""It's very nice, Sarah.""I can't find the blue crayon.""It's right here.""I can't find the green one.""Here it is.""I don't want to colour. I want to paint.""I'll get your paint set.""Will you paint this flower for me, Mommy?"It's normal for children to need attention and approval. However, attention-seeking becomes aproblem when it happens all the time. Even charming attention-seeking can becomecontrolling. Many children make tragedies out of trivial concerns to get your sympathy.Excessive attention-seeking results in a situation where your child commands your life.Many children misbehave to get attention. The most notorious reason for misbehaviour inyoung children, this can be the seed for discipline problems in later childhood andadolescence.Your goal is not to eliminate your child's need for attention and approval. When handledcorrectly, your child's need for attention can be a helpful tool for improving your child'sbehaviour. Eliminate not the need for attention, but those attention- seeking behaviours thatare excessive or unacceptable. A mother who says, "Sarah, I know that you want me to stayand paint with you. I am busy now. If you can be patient and paint by yourself for tenminutes, I'll be able to spend some time with you then," is giving Sarah an opportunity tohave the attention that she wants and needs. She is not giving in to nagging.How Much Attention Is Too Much?That depends on you. How much attention-seeking can you tolerate? The rule is that childrenwill seek as much attention as you give them. You must strike a balance between how muchyour children want and how much you can give. Even normal attention-seeking can drive youcrazy on some days.Do not let your children's need for attention turn into demands for attention. When childrendo not get enough attention, they resort to outbursts, tantrums, nagging, teasing, and otherannoying behaviours. They think, "If I can't get attention by being good, then I'll misbehaveto get Mom's attention."Three Kinds of AttentionAdult attention and approval are among the strongest rewards for children. Unfortunately,parents seldom use attention wisely. There are three kinds of attention: Positive Attention Negative Attention No AttentionWhen you give your children attention and approval for being well behaved, they are gettingpositive attention. Positive attention means catching children being good. Focus on positivebehaviour. Positive attention can be words of praise or encouragement, closeness, hugs, or apat on the back. A pleasant note in your child's lunch box works well. Positive attentionincreases good behaviour.When you give your child attention for misbehaviour, you are giving negative attention.Negative attention typically begins when you become upset. You follow with threats,

interrogation, and lectures. Negative attention is not a punishment; it is a reward. Negativeattention does not punish misbehaviour, but increases it.What is the easiest way to capture your attention-sitting quietly or misbehaving? Whenchildren do not receive attention in a positive way, they will get your attention any way theycan. Do not pay attention to misbehaviours. Pay attention to good behaviour. Avoid thisscenario:Jeremy and Dominic are sitting quietly and watching Saturday-morning cartoons for thirtyminutes. Everything is peaceful. Dad is working on the computer. Suddenly, an argumenterupts: "It's my turn to pick a show." Dad charges into the room. He turns off the television,scolds the two children, and sends them to their rooms.For thirty minutes, these children were well behaved. Dad said nothing to them about howwell they were doing. Nothing was said about how quiet they were. Nothing was said abouthow well they were cooperating. The moment there was trouble, Dad was instantlymobilized. Dad did not give them any positive attention while they were being good. Whenthey began misbehaving, Dad rushed in with plenty of negative attention.Negative attention teaches children how to manipulate and get their way. They learn to betroublesome. They learn how to interrupt you. They learn how to control you. Negativeattention teaches children how to tease, nag, and annoy. It teaches children to aggravate,irritate, and exasperate. We teach this by not paying attention to our children when they arebehaving appropriately, and by paying attention to them when they are misbehaving.I have worked with hundreds of parents who have taught their children to be negativeattention seekers. I have never met a parent who taught this deliberately. When you attend tothe negative and ignore the positive, you teach your children to behave in a negative way.Your child will misbehave to get your attention in the future.Do not wait for misbehaviour to happen. Do not take good behaviour for granted. We do thiswith teenagers. We come to expect good behaviour, and overlook their efforts. When a childdemonstrates good behaviour, notice it. Look for it. The more you notice, the more you willfind. You will get more good behaviour in the future. Anyone can catch children being bad.Turn this around. Catch them being good. It's not easy. It takes practice.Statistics show that the average American parent spends seven minutes a week with each oftheir children. Do better than average. Telling your children that you love them is not enough.Show them that you love them. Spend ten minutes of quality time with each child every day.No excuses, like I was just too busy today, or I didn't have time. We are all too busy.In many families, both parents work. Some parents work two jobs. Your most important jobis being a parent. When you come home after work, give the first thirty minutes to yourchildren. Do not be the parents whose only hour with their daughter this week was in theprincipal's office or at the police station. Write your children into your plan book. Make anappointment with each of your children every day. Go for a walk and listen to what ishappening in their lives. Turn off the TV for an hour and talk.

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Handling an Attention-Seeking ChildPage 2

How to IgnoreWhen you ignore misbehaviours, you are giving no attention. Because attention is rewardingto children, withholding attention can be an effective punishment. Withholding attention canweaken a misbehaviour. When your child misbehaves to get your attention, ignore themisbehaviour. Ignore your child's inappropriate demands for attention. You will weakenthose demands and extinguish the misbehaviour.

Some parents find this hard to believe; they think that if a child is misbehaving, he must bepunished. This is not true. Ignoring demands for attention is the best cure. When you ignoreconsistently, you will teach your child that these misbehaviours are not paid off withattention. Temper tantrums need an audience. Take the audience away, and there is no pointto having a tantrum. Do not forget to redirect. Teach children appropriate ways to getattention. "My ears do not listen to whining. Please ask in a soft voice."

When to Ignore

Ignoring does not mean ignoring the problem. It means ignoring demands for negativeattention. There are many misbehaviours that you should not ignore. Some misbehavioursshould be punished. Deciding when to ignore or when to punish is not easy, and there are noexact rules. It takes timing and judgment. When your child misbehaves to get attention,ignore it. If your child does not stop in two or three minutes, give him a reminder. Tell yourchild, "I do not respond to whining. When you stop, we'll talk." Wait another minute or two.If he still does not stop, then tell your child to stop or he will be punished: "Stop now, or youwill go to time-out."

If you get angry or let your child push your buttons, you lose. If you must use a punishment,dispense the punishment without anger. If you get angry, then your child has succeeded ingetting the negative attention that he was after. If you feel yourself getting angry, walk away.Cool off. If you give in, you will be providing your child with an attention payoff. You willbe rewarding a misbehaviour.

Do not take good behaviour for granted: give your children positive attention when they arebehaving. Ignore demands for attention such as teasing and whining; giving in to thesedemands encourages children to misbehave to get attention. Understanding these ideas iseasy, but practicing them is difficult. You are worth it. Make the commitment. Your childrenare worth it, too.

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How to Determine if Your Child is SeekingAttentionBy Tena Green, eHow Contributor

One of the most frustrating things a parent can experience is having a smart child who refusesto listen or put forth effort. There are reasons for bad behaviour, but it is up to the parent todetermine what is causing it and how to correct it. A child who is seeking attention of anykind is a child who will have problems as an adult if the issue at hand isn't corrected. If yourchild refuses to follow directions or rules and you are certain there is nothing physically ormentally wrong with him, then he may be a child who simply wants bad attention rather thanno attention at all. Here are some things to look for when you suspect your child is seekingbad attention.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. 1

Consistent behavioural problems, especially at a young age, are a sign that somethingis wrong. Once you have consulted your physician and have been assured there isnothing physically or mentally wrong, it is time to consider the possibility that he issimply seeking attention of any kind, be it bad or good.

2. 2

If, by a reasonable age, she still refuses to abide by family rules for no apparentreason, you have a problem child who is most likely seeking someone's attention. Atthis point you must be honest with yourself and ask if it is possible she is disturbeddue to marital problems, a change in the family structure or a recent occurrence.

3. 3

If he won't communicate and is evasive when asked simple questions, this is a suresign he is pulling away. You are about to lose him and you must take action. Familycounseling is certainly something to consider and most probably necessary.

4. 4

Pay attention. It is possible that in a conflict-intact family or a step-family, with step-siblings or half-siblings, there is jealousy and resentment that she feels but doesn'tunderstand. In this day and age, step-families are commonplace but this doesn't meanit is easily or instantly accepted by your child. Jealousy of a sibling can lead a child toseek bad attention rather than feel he is being slighted.

5. 5

A single parent home can be a nesting ground for a confused child who needsattention. Life is hard for a single parent trying to make ends meet and many timesthey must work two jobs. If this is the case, find a way to make time for your child.Chances are he feels the situation is partly his fault, so discuss the circumstances withhim but assure him you will take time with him. Don't be afraid to explain how youmay need help. When he follows through be sure to praise him, giving him goodattention. Small things go a long way with children and it will help him to know he iscontributing to the family.

6. 6

If she is getting in trouble at home but nowhere else, chances are she is seeking yourattention. If she can follow rules elsewhere she can do it at home. Take notice of thesefacts and spend time with her. Talk to her to find out what is on her mind. Explain thatshe doesn't have to get into trouble to get your attention. If she is old enough todiscuss feelings with understanding but refuses to do so, it is time to seek professionalhelp.

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How to Deal with Attention SeekingChildren in the Classroom

Dec 19, 2007 "Contribute content like this. Start Here."Attention seeking children in the classroom can drain the mental and physical resources ofteachers and teacher's aides. They will constantly seek out ways to draw staff away fromother children and monopolise their time so that they can have the most attention fromteachers. there are various reasons why children are attention seekers. some of the reasonsmay never come to light, while others are glaringly obvious.

teachers will soon discover who is an attention seeking child and who is in genuine need ofextra instruction in order to complete their assigned task. the attention seeker will say theyneed help, but will expect the teacher to do the work for them, thereby using up their time onjust one child. what is the best course of action?

clear instructions

when a teacher is giving instructions, they must point out what they expect from their

students. if necessary, after giving precise instructions, they should call on one or twochildren to repeat the instructions. one such instruction could be: "read your questions paperscarefully". this will help to eliminate the need to repeat instructions to children who onlywant a portion of the teacher's attention.Division of timewhen dealing with an attention seeking student, teachers must be sure to devote time to all thechildren in their class and that also includes the attention seeker. some teachers fall into thetrap of completely ignoring children who are known attention seekers. they will quiteunderstandably prefer spending time with children who are better behaved. but that would bedetrimental to the attention seeker child's academic growth and development. they also needsome attention, just not the whole of the teacher's attention.offer sincere praiseteachers can do much to improve the behaviour pattern of children who are known asattention seekers. rather than constantly telling the child to get on with their work quietly, theteacher should look for opportunities to offer sincere praise for all their hard work in class.did they follow instructions properly? did they get on with their work without disturbingother children? these are just two areas in which teachers can use to offer sincere praise tochildren who are craving attention. it is also a refreshing change for many attention seekingchildren to receive positive attention from their teachers, rather than criticism.Teachers should be sensitive to the needs of all the children in their class, even the needs ofchildren who are attention seekers. there is always a reason why children are attentionseekers. showing empathy for such children and offering praise when it is fitting to do so cango a long way in boosting the self-esteem of children who are attention seekers.

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The Attention Seeking ChildAttention or Detention?

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Attention Seeking Behaviour Description

This child constantly does things to get your attention and it can become quite annoying.They will blurt out and tell you what they did or that they're finished their work or thatsomebody is copying their work etc. Their desire for attention is almost insatiable. Much ofwhat they do is done to get attention. It doesn't seem to matter that you provide lots ofattention as they continually seek more.

Why?

The Attention Seeking child is in need of more attention than most. They seem to havesomething to prove and don't take as much pride intrinsically as they do extrinsically. Thischild may not have a sense of belonging. Try and understand the need, this child may have alow self-esteem and may need some confidence building. Sometimes the attention seeker issimply just immature. If this is the case, adhere to the interventions below and the child willoutgrow the insatiable need for attention.

Interventions

Sit down with this child and explain to them that you have a number of children to workwith each day. Provide them with a time that is just for them. Even a two minute periodbefore or after recess that is their time. Stick to it! Each time they look for the attention,remind them of their specific time. In time if you're consistent, you will see that this strategycan work quite well.

Promote intrinsic motivation. Ask the child what they like about what they did. Always commend the child on his/her improvement. During the child's special time, take time to boost their confidence. Provide the child with responsibilities and a leadership role from time to time.

Never forget that ALL children need to know you care about them and that they cancontribute in a positive way. It took the child a long time to become an extreme seekerof attention, be consistent, patient and understand that change will take time.

The Top Four

1. Students often don't know what appropriate behaviour is - they need to be taught!Teach the appropriate interactions, responses, anger management - social skills. Userole play and drama.

2. Expect/demand appropriate responsees by ensuring the bully apologizes directly tothe victim.

3. Have a 0 tolerance classroom policy in place that is well understood.4. As much as possible, recognize and reward positive behaviour.Suggested Reading

5-Step Behaviour Plan Behaviour Contracts IEP Behaviour StatementsBehaviour Supports Establishing Classroom Routines Incentives and Rewards List

Behaviour Disorders in ChildrenFrom Sue Watson, former About.com Guide

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Help for Children With Behaviour Disorders or Disabilities

This article is written to assist and provide support to parents and teachers involved withbehaviour issues that are causing some concerns both at home and or at school. There ismuch that can be done to help, however; the focus here is on the preventative approach whichis key to maintain positive behaviours.

A consistent approach when dealing with children with behavioural concerns most oftenleads to more productive and positive behaviours. It is highly recommended that you planstrategies that you can implement regularly. Whether the child is acting out, involved inconflicts, bullying, or being verbally or physically aggressive; it is important to ensure thatyou have positive interactions and that you refrain from calling the child 'bad', it is thebehaviour being exhibited that you are unhappy with and the child needs to know it is nothim/her it is the behaviour. Acceptable and appropriate behaviour is developmental - ithappens over time and is greatly influenced by parental support and guidance, peers, previousexperiences and the intervention techniques employed by teachers, caregivers and parents. AsDr. Phil often says: "You teach people how to treat you".

Occasionally, despite your ongoing efforts using consistent applications of interventions andtechniques, some children will continue to display ongoing behavioural difficulties. Youcannot be all things to your child at all times. You may need to seek the advice and assistanceof professionals.

The Basics:

Promote self-esteem and confidence every chance you can. Catch your child doingsomething great and praise him/her.

Provide opportunities for the child to become responsible. When they take responsibilitywell, let him/her know.

Always be objective and understanding - do not lose your patience even though you aretempted to.

Use your best judgment at all times, remain objective and seek to understand. Patience, patience, patience! Even though you may be very frustrated.

Next Steps:

Communicate your expectations with a minimal number of rules and routines to befollowed. Think big, start small.

Involve the child when you are establishing rules and routines. Ask for his/her assistance.Make sure they repeat them - this will help them remember.

Emphasize the child's [linkur=http://specialed.about.com/cs/behaviourdisorders/a/rules.htm]strengths and minimizethe weaknesses.

Set your child up to be successful when the opportunity presents itself. Provide opportunities for the child to reiterate expectations. For example: "What always

needs to be done before bed?" Encourage the child to participate and monitor their own behaviour. For example: "What is

terrific about what you're doing right now?" AVOID power struggles - nobody wins! Take time to discuss appropriate and inappropriate behaviours. This should be done when a

chilling out period has occurred. Routines - children with behaviour difficulties benefit from clearly established

routines/structure, I can't say enough about this. Role play some situations based on unacceptable behaviours and discuss them. Set up practice situations and role play those. For example: Tommy just came and stepped

on your toe, you even though he did it intentionally. How will you handle this situation? Teach the skills necessary for appropriate behaviours.

In Summary:

If you're this far - you're concerned and you want some strategies. Now you're ready for theimplementation stage. You are now ready for the 5-step plan:

1. Pinpoint the behaviour that you want to change. Be specific.2. Gather your information. When does the unacceptable behaviour occur? How often does it

occur? Under which circumstances does it occur? What event precedes the behaviour?What is the child's view of the behaviour? Does the inappropriate behaviour always happenwhen the child is alone? Supervised? With others? At a specific time?

3. Now it's time for you to interpret what the information may mean from the previous step.Give it your best shot when trying to analyze the information you've gathered.

4. Plan for Change! Now it's time to set your goals - with the child. What are the short termgoals? What are the long term goals? Who's involved, what will happen. The plan for changeshould be collaborative between you and the child. Be specific, for instance: Johnny will notyell and scream when it's time to do homework - or time to go to bed. In your plan forchange, some rewards and or a reward system should be in place. For instance, when 5instances of appropriate behaviour happens, Johnny will have .............(opportunity toindulge in his favorite activity, a new sticker book etc.

5. Evaluate how your plan is working. If it isn't working, make the necessary changescollaboratively.

Once again, if after several consistent tries you find your plan isn't working and there is nonoticeable change in the unacceptable behaviours, the child may need to be referred to aspecialist.

Good luck!Additional Behaviour Supports Free Behaviour Contracts (PDF) Free Think Sheets Handling all Behaviour Types (Teaser, Aggressor, Tattle-tale etc.)

Related Articles Behaviour Disorders Behaviour Plan, Behaviour Modification Plan Child Behaviour - Improving Child Behaviour With Positive Attention Improve Children's Behaviour - Improve Children's Behaviour with Pre-... Conduct Disorder

Behaviour ContractsPrintables for Your Students/Children

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Before using the contracts below, find out how to implement behaviour contracts.

You can also see Behaviour Think Sheets.

1. Towards Positive Behaviour: This goal sheet targets specific behaviour goals each day andrequires the teacher/parent signature.Word - PDF

2. On Target: A weekly self-monitoring behaviour checklist.Word - PDF

3. Smiling Faces and Not So Smiling Faces: Great for younger children, helps to keep them ontop of inappropriate behaviours.Word - PDF

4. Race to 20: State the goal(s) and let the student work toward 20, bottom half is the sameconcept to 30.Word - PDF

5. Make it to 100: This goal sheet tracks 100 points for meeting behaviour goals or objectives.Rewards/Incentives need to be in place when the child reaches 100.Word - PDF

6. Countdown to Positive Behaviour: This very popular worksheet should sit on the student'sdesk. It focuses on modifying one behaviour at a time. A great self-monitoring tool to teach achild to raise his/her hand and not speak out.Word - PDF

7. Countdown - I can do it: Same as above, the teacher identifies the behaviour whereas theabove worksheet has the behaviour identified.PDF

8. Reinforcement & Consequences: This sample contract is suitable for first to eighth gradestudents and should be filled in with the teacher present. Requires the reinforcements andconsequences to be listed.Word - PDF

9. Monday to Friday Checklist: This particular sample requires the teacher to sign per day orper half day each time the child exhibits appropriate behaviour. There should be a reinforceror reward in place for a specific number of teacher initials.Word - PDF

10. Functional Behaviour Assessment Worksheet: This particular worksheet is what gets thingsstarted! This should be brought to the first meeting where a behaviour contract may beimplemented.Word - PDFBehaviour Plans

IEP Statements for Behaviour Plans Additional Support 5 Step Behaviour PlanBehaviour Plans & IEP Rules and Routines Behaviour Tips & Tricks Best Practices for Behaviour Disorders in the ClassroomIndividual Education Program (IEP) What Is an IEP? How to Prepare an IEP Writing Effective Goals for an IEP

Related Articles Behaviour Contracts, Behaviour incident reports How to Create a Behaviour Contract IEP Goals for Behaviour Plans Behaviour Contracts, Behaviour modification Behaviour Contracts - How to Create a Behaviour Contracts for Challenging Stu...

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Behaviour ContractsWhat are they? How do they Help?

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The Behaviour Contract

A behaviour contract is an agreement between the child and teacher and often includes thestudent's parent(s).

See Samples Here The behaviour contract is a written agreement about how the individualwill behave. It will indicate the appropriate consequence should the student neglect to behaveaccording to the contract and it also states the reinforcer to be used for successful compliance.The behaviour contract provides the student with structure and self-management. Thebehaviour contract is often an effective form of behaviour modification.

Developing the Contract

The contract should be written with the student and teacher - collaboration. It would be wiseto involve the parent under certain circumstances. The contract should include the following:

The goal. (Will not speak out, will keep hands to him/herself, will remain on task, etc.) How will the student receive the reward? (Become the teacher's monitor after completing 5

assignments on time etc.) What is the consequence should the child not adhere to the behaviour described in the

contract? Time should be clearly stated in the contract. You may choose a half day, a full day, a week

etc. Define who and how the behaviour will be monitored. (teacher initials, stickers, check mark

system etc.) Set a date for reviewing the contract

It is important to involve the student in the writing of the contract. Ask the student to makesuggestions for reinforcement and consequence for failure to comply. Contracts should namespecific behaviours to be changed. Focus on 1 or 2 behaviours at a time. Consequences andreinforcers need to be thought out clearly. You can include tangible reinforcers, social oractivity based reinforcers, curtailment of an activity, tokens that can be cashed in for aspecific activity etc. NOTE: A minor problem with behaviour contracts is that the focus is oncontrolling a student's behaviour rather than helping the child make wise choices. Keep thisin mind when developing behaviour contracts. Behaviour contracts don't often work rightaway, be patient and consistent, you should see results. Know when it's time to review andrevise. When the contract is not working well, be sure to include the student when makingrevisions.

Some Successful Reinforcers/ Rewards

Teacher Helper Caring for Class Pet 5-10 Minute Free Choice Activity Happy Note to Mom Tell the Class a Joke or Read a Text Selection Free Library Period

Read with a Buddy Listen to a taped story Provide Office Help Leading the Group Helping In Another Classroom

Once again, a little patience goes a long way. It is critical for the student to know thatyou like them and that you're only disappointed in their behaviour. Be sure to let thestudent know that you share their goals, you both want what's best for the student.Praise goes a long way. I have been working with special education (behavioural)students for a long time, these strategies have never failed me yet!Suggested Reading

5 Step Behaviour Intervention Plan Best Practices for Behaviour Students Behaviour Contract PrintablesSupporting Students with Behaviour Concerns IEP Goals for Behaviour Plans How To Support the Impulsive Child Best Practices for Emotional and Behaviour DisorderRelated Articles How to Create a Behaviour Contract Behaviour Contracts - How to Create a Behaviour Contracts for Challenging Stu... Behaviour Modification: Autism Sample Behaviour Contract - Better Discipline with a Sample Behaviour Contrac... Handling difficult behaviours

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