attack of the bullies -...
TRANSCRIPT
BYMICHAELBUCKLEYTheSistersGrimm
BookOne:TheFairy-TaleDetectives
BookTwo:TheUnusualSuspects
BookThree:TheProblemChild
BookFour:OnceUponaCrime
BookFive:MagicandOther
Misdemeanors
BookSix:TalesfromtheHood
BookSeven:TheEverafterWar
BookEight:TheInsideStory
BookNine:TheCouncilofMirrors
AVeryGrimmGuide
NERDS
BookOne:NationalEspionage,Rescue,and
DefenseSociety
BookTwo:MIsforMama’sBoy
BookThree:TheCheerleadersofDoom
BookFour:TheVillainVirus
BookFive:AttackoftheBULLIES
PUBLISHER’SNOTE:Thisisaworkoffiction.Names,characters,places,andincidentsareeithertheproductoftheauthor’simaginationorareusedfictitiously,andanyresemblancetoactualpersons,livingordead,businessestablishments,
events,orlocalesisentirelycoincidental.
LibraryofCongress
Cataloging-in-PublicationData
Buckley,Michael,1969–Attackofthebullies/by
MichaelBuckley;illustrationsbyEthenBeavers.pagescm.—(NERDS;bookfive)Summary:WhenMissInformationkidnapsthe
President’sdaughter,itisuptotwelve-year-oldRuby,alsoknownasPufferfish,touse
hersuper-nanobyte-enhancedallergiesinleadingtheNERDS’investigation.ISBN978-1-4197-0857-2
(hardback)[1.Superheroes—Fiction.2.
Spies—Fiction.3.Kidnapping—Fiction.
4.Timetravel—Fiction.5.Bullies—Fiction.6.
Presidents—Family—Fiction.7.Humorousstories.]I.Title.
PZ7.B882323Att2013[Fic]—dc23
2013015981
Textcopyright©2013MichaelBuckley
Illustrationscopyright©2013EthenBeavers
BookdesignbyChadW.Beckerman
Publishedin2013byAmuletBooks, an imprint ofABRAMS. All rightsreserved. No portion of thisbook may be reproduced,
stored in a retrieval system,or transmitted inanyformorby any means, mechanical,electronic, photocopying,recording, or otherwise,without written permissionfrom the publisher. AmuletBooks and AmuletPaperbacks are registeredtrademarks of Harry N.Abrams,Inc.
Amulet Books are availableat special discounts when
purchased in quantity forpremiums and promotions aswell as fundraising oreducational use. Specialeditionscanalsobecreatedtospecification. For details,[email protected].
115West18thStreet
ForJasonWells—alwaysmanagingtocontrolthechaos
The principal of ThomasKnowlton Middle Schoolwasworkingathisdeskwhenthe ninjas attacked. They
wore black masks and heldsharp swords over theirheads. One crashed throughthe door with a high-pitchedwail, his deadly weaponslicing the air, but he wasstoppedinhistrackswhentheprincipal karate-chopped himin the Adam’s apple. Ouch!Another ninja climbedthrough the window, but hishead was crushed when theprincipal slammed it shut.Oof! A third ninja dropped
from an air duct in theceiling. His nunchucksswirled in deadly arcs,wrapping around theprincipal’s beefy forearm.But that was a mistake theninja would forever regret,becausetheprincipalusedthenunchucks to yank the ninjaforward for a skull-splittingheadbutt.Lightsout!
When it looked like theattack was over, two moreninjas popped out of thedrawersofasteelfilecabinetand attacked using their fistsand feet, knocking theprincipal backward onto hisdesk. They held him downand, chuckling arrogantly,removed gleaming daggersfrom the folds of theirclothes.Buttheprincipalwastrained inseveralmartialarts
and highly proficient in themonkey, snake, and cranefighting styles. Plus, he wasIrish, so he knew his wayaround a street fight. Hesnatchedastapleroffhisdeskand slammed it into oneninja’s foreheadand then theother’s.Bothmencriedoutinagony and stumbledbackward, onto thebodies oftheirfallenbrothers.
The principal stood over
the pile of broken villains.Then he started to applaud.“Thanks,guys,”hesaid.
“Yeah, yeah…,” themengroaned as they staggered totheirfeet.
Oneof theninjas tookoffhismask, revealingachubbyface and a large bald spot inthecenterofhiscurlybrownhair. He didn’t look like aninja. He looked like anaccountant.
“Did we at least surpriseyouthistime?”hegroused.
The principal nodded.“Absolutely, Randy. I wascompletely takenoffguard. Ididn’t see the file cabinetthingcomingatall.Thatwasanicetouch.”
“He’s just saying thatbecause he doesn’t want tohurt our feelings,” anotherninjagroaned.Underneathhismask he had bright red hair
andafacefulloffreckles.“No, Barry. I really was
intimidated.”Randy shook his head. “I
don’tknowwhyyouwantusto do this, anyway. You’rethe boss now. Your biggestfearshouldbegettingapapercut or someone parking inyour designated space. Whykeeptraining?”
“You don’t actually missyourold job,doyou?”Barry
asked.“Miss my old job? No!
That’sridiculous.WhywouldImissit?”
“I have no idea,” Randysaid. “It was humiliating.You’readecoratedwarhero,and they put you in thatstupidschoolkitchenwiththehairnet and the Tater Tots.What a waste! Thispromotionwas longoverdue.Youdeserve tobedirectorof
the National Espionage,Rescue,andDefenseSociety,sotakeiteasy.”
“Thanks for the pep talk,guys, but I’m fine,” theprincipalsaid.“I’vegottogetback to work. See you nextweek?”
“Not if we see you first,”Barrysaidasheslunkoutthewindow.
The others vanishedthroughtheairductsandinto
thefilingcabinet.Intheblinkofaneyetheyweregone.
The principal put theupended coatrack back in itsplace,adjustedhisportrait ofthe president of the UnitedStates on the wall, andgatheredwhatwas leftofhisofficesupplies.
He looked at the stack ofpaperwork on his desk andsighed. Truth was, he didn’tknowhowtotakeiteasy.He
didmiss theadventureof thefield. There was nothing assatisfying as the sound of abad guy’s nose breakingbeneath his fist.Butwhat hereallymissedwas…well, ifanyone found out, he wouldbe the laughing stock of theespionage community. Hecrossed the room to a smallfile cabinet locked tightwithfourteen different dead bolts.He fished seven of the keysoutofhispockets,openedthe
hollow heel in his left shoefor another, found two inbetween his big toe and hissecond toe, and fourmore inasecretpocketat thebaseofhis pant leg. When he hadunlocked all the bolts, heopenedthecabinetandpulledout his most prizedpossessions: a spatula, a pairof orthopedic sneakers, ahairnet,andaflowerysmock.
Hecaressedthemlovingly.
Whywas it sohard to let goof his previous job as theschool’slunchlady?Whydidhemiss the heat lamps, cornnuggets,andfishsurprise?
Suddenly, the phone rang.It wasn’t the phone on hisdesk. It was the phone. Hestuffedhiskitchentoolsbackinthecabinetandracedtohisdesk. Underneath his coffeemug was a glowing redbutton. He slammed it hard
withthepalmofhishandandwatched as his drab, poorlydecoratedofficewentthrougha dramatic transformation.The yellowing walls flippedover to reveal banks ofcomputers and electronicmaps of the world. Hisancient,clunkydesksankintothe floor and was replacedwith a blinking, beepingcontrol panel. The grimyceiling fan collapsed in onitself, and a large television
monitor took its place. Theglossyblackscreenblinkedtolife and his boss, a tough-as-nails five-star general namedSavage,appearedonit.
Savage’s reputation as afearless soldier made theprincipal’s record lookdownright cowardly. Rumorsclaimed the general once gotoutofapitofquicksand justbythreateningit.
Now, however, Savage’s
massive bullet-shaped headlooked sweaty and his tinyeyes shifted nervously.“Hello,Director.IwishIhadtimeforchitchat,butwehavea crisis on our hands thatneedsyourteam’sattention.”
“Whatisit,sir?”“We have it from good
sources that the president’sdaughter, Tessa Lipton, isabouttobekidnapped.”
The principal wasn’t the
kind ofman to gasp, but thenews of such a brazen crimetookhisbreathaway.“When?How?Who?”
Savage’s massive headdissolved and was replacedwith an image of thecomplete opposite: a sweet,cheerful-looking twelve-year-old girlwith a grin as big asthe midwestern sky. Herimage morphed into a photoofanultramodernbuilding.
“Wedon’tknowthewhenorhow,butwethinkwehavea where—SugarlandAcademy, a very prestigiousprep school for the childrenof political bigwigs andpower brokers. It’s here inArlington.”
“I know the lunch ladyover there,” the principalsaid. “The security is top-notch.”
“Did you say you know
the…lunch lady there?” thegeneralasked.
“Um, we used to traderecipes.”
“Okaaaaay,” Savage saidslowly. “Anyway, Sugarlandhas its own twelve-officerpolice department thatcooperateswithTessa’s four-manSecretServicedetail.”
“That’salotofeyeballsonone person,” the principalsaid.“Whowouldeventryto
kidnapher?”The image was replaced
with a photo of a womanwearing a blackmaskwith awhiteskullpaintedonit.
The principal scowled.“Ms.Holiday!”
“She’s calling herself‘Miss Information’ now,”Savagesaid.“Wemanagedtoget a mole inside herorganization. He called itchaotic, filled with hundreds
of scientists working onthousands of schemes aimedat every corner of theworld.It’s really breathtaking howquickly she’s put this thingtogether.”
“Andshe’shadusrunningragged ever since,” theprincipal growled. “I’ve hadto split the team to handle itall. What else is this molesaying?”
“Nothing. He’s dead. We
foundhisremainsinthebellyof a beached great whiteshark this morning. We’vealerted the president.He andthe First Lady are besidethemselveswithworry.If thecommander in chief’s owndaughter can be kidnapped,what does it say about ournationalsecurity?”
The principal nodded.“This isnotgoing tobeeasyfor us, General. It will be
toughtokeepaneyeonTessawithout her or the presidentknowing about it. Thefounders of this team wereveryconcernedabout stayingout of the politicalmaneuverings of whoever isrunning the country. If thepoliticians were to find outwe had a superteam at theirdisposal, the kids’ liveswould be turned upsidedown.”
“Then I suggest the kidskeep their powers tothemselves.”
“No upgrades,” theprincipal said. “Good idea,sir.I’llhavethekidsenrollatSugarlandAcademy.”
“I’ll work with the SecretService and the school’spolice,” Savage said. “Thereis one other problem,Director. Sugarland is asophisticated school. The
students are mature andcultured.”
“Sir?”“And your kids are not—
especiallythehyperone.”“Flinch. Don’t worry, sir.
The team will rise to theoccasion.”
“And leave the crazy oneathome.”
The principal paused. Didthebossreallythinkhewoulddo something so dumb as
send Heathcliff Hodges on amission? If only there wassomewhere to send him …Unfortunately, until thebrains in the sciencedepartment found a way toreturn his parents’ memoriesofhim,HeathcliffhadtostayinthePlayground.
“Idon’tthinkIhavetotellyou this mission is your toppriority,” Savage continued.“I know it’s not easy to fill
Agent Brand’s shoes, but ifyou and the team succeed inkeeping Tessa safe, no onewill question yourleadership.”
“Is someone questioningmyleadership?” theprincipalasked.
Butthescreenhadalreadygone black. The room’stechnology was quicklyreplaced with the drab,battered furniture of his
principal’soffice.Theprincipalwastempted
to run to the file cabinet,snatchthespatula,andstuffitsafelyinthepocketofhissuitjacket. It would make himfeelbetter,butdeepdownheknewRandy and Barry wereright. He was the boss now.Hehadtoputthegrillandthedeep-fatfryerbehindhim.
“Take me to thePlayground,” he said out
loud.A green light flashed and
thefloorbeneathhimopened.It was time to fight the badguys, and he was headingtoward a place where hecoulddojustthat.
KID,YOU’RELIKEBEDBUGS:
ICAN’TGETRIDOFYOU.I’VE
TRIEDEVERYTHINGSHORTOFDDT,BUTYOUKEEP
SHOWINGUPANDBEINGANNOYING.FIRSTTHEREWERE
THOSEEMBARRASSINGDNATESTS,
THENTHECODE-BREAKINGQUIZ,THEN
ITHREWTHATPSYCHOLOGICAL
EXAMATYOU,ANDFINALLY
THEPHYSICALCHALLENGES!EITHER
YOU’REPASSIONATEABOUTBEINGASECRET
AGENTORYOU’REDIMINTHEHEAD.
MYMONEYISONYOUBEINGDIM.
SO,WHAT’SLEFTFORYOUTOPROVE?
NOTHING.YOUACTUALLYMADE
IT.YOU’REAMEMBEROFTHE
NATIONALESPIONAGE,RESCUE,ANDDEFENSE
SOCIETY.CONGRATULATIONS.SO,STATEYOURCODE
NAME.
REALLY?YOU’REGOINGWITHTHAT?
IMEAN,IT’SNOTEXACTLY
INTIMIDATING.INFACT,IT’S
DOWNRIGHTSILLY.WHYNOTCALL
YOURSELF“FLUFFYBUNNY”OR“THE
CABBAGE”?HUH?MYCODENAME?
AGENTBEANPOLE.
SHUTYOURMOUTH!BEANPOLEISAFIERCE
CODENAME.ITHASANAIROF
MYSTERYABOUTIT,TOO.STOPLAUGHING.
IHATEYOU.LET’SMOVEON.MY
NAMEISMICHAELBUCKLEY.I
WASONCEAMEMBEROFTHE
NATIONAL
ESPIONAGE,RESCUE,ANDDEFENSE
SOCIETY.THESEDAYSIDOCUMENT
THEIRADVENTURESAND
WEEDOUTTHEPOSERSWHO
WANTTOJOINTHETEAM.
(WELL,ITRYTOWEEDTHEMOUT.)
THEORGANIZATIONWASFOUNDEDINTHE1970S,LONG
BEFOREYOUWEREBORN.WHATWERE
THE’70SLIKE?A-W-E-S-O-M-E!
EVERYBODYDRESSEDREALLYWELLANDWE
ALLHADTHESECOOLHAIRCUTS.
DON’TBELIEVEME?ASKYOURPARENTSTO
SHOWYOU
SOMEPICTURES.I’LLWAIT.
SEE,ITOLDYOU.MAN,DOIMISS
MYBUTTERFLYCOLLARS.ANYWAY,LET’SGETSTARTED.
WHATYOU’REHOLDINGINYOURSWEATYHANDSIS
THELASTNERDSFILE.ANDUNLIKE
THEPREVIOUSFOUR,
THERE’SNOTEST.THISCASEFILE
ISALLABOUTHISTORY.YOU’REGOINGTOGETAGLIMPSEOFTHE
GREATESTAGENTSTHENERDS
HAVEEVERSEEN.SOREAD
THISCAREFULLY,ANDYOU
MIGHTJUSTLEARN
SOMETHINGABOUTBEINGASPY.
BUTIHAVEMYDOUBTS.
“HowdidIgethere?”RubyPeet grumbled to herself assheclimbedontotheroofofaBritish express train. The air
was bone-rattling cold, thetrainwasracingatnearly140miles an hour, and she wassure the jostling would sendherflyingoverthesideatanymoment. But, as they say,there isn’t any use incomplainingwhenyouhaveajob to do—and Ruby’s jobwassavingtheworld.
Most people couldn’t seepastthefactthatRubywasinthe sixth grade, only twelve
years old, allergic topractically everything in theworld,andasocialmisfit.Butthe truth was, Pufferfish, asshewasknown,was actuallyaverygoodsecretagent.
At that moment, she wasinpursuitofascientistnamedDr. Hans Julian, the world’sexpertonpoop.Yes,youreadthat correctly. Poop. Dr.Julian knew everything therewas to know about dookie,
kaka, turds, racing stripes,floaters,andtoiletbombs.Healso knew how waste couldbe used for fuels, buildingmaterials, and fertilizer, plusa million other very grossthings.Onecouldsaythathewas number one at numbertwo. What he didn’t knowwas how deep the doo-doowouldbewhenhetriedtosellsome of his knowledge to averybadperson.
What could a guy with adegree in dung know thatwouldputhimonthenation’sMostWanted list?Dr. Julianhad created a superlaxativethat caused intensive,explosive diarrhea.One dropofthatliquidinacity’swatersupply and every man,woman, child, and animalwould be racing to thebathroom. With everyoneindisposed, any number ofcrimes could occur and there
wouldbenoonetostopthem.She stood, fighting the
wind, and peered into thedarkness. In the moonlightshespottedDr.Julianrunningaway from her along the topofthetrain.Musteringallhercourage,shedartedafterhim.
If itwereup to her, she’dbecallingtheshotswhileoneof her fellow agents did thelegwork.Gluestick could usehis sticky hands and feet to
never fall off the train,Braceface could snatch thedoctor in a giant fist madefrom his orthodontic braces,and Wheezer’s inhalerswould allow her to flyalongside the trainandscoopup the bad guy in her arms.Even Flinch’s sugar-fueledstrength and lightning speedwould easily overpower thescientist. Unfortunately, herteammates were on othermissions, and Ruby was all
by herself. All she had wereher allergies—a collection ofrunny noses, swelling feet,itchy hands, rashes, hives,blisters, and weepy eyesenhanced by the latestscience.Coursingthroughherbloodstreamweremillionsofnanobytes, tiny robots thatmadeherallergicreactionssosensitive she practically hadpsychic powers.A puffy eyealerted her to explosives. Asudden hacking cough
warned her of an assassin’spresence. A swollen anklewasaclearsign thatshewasabout to get punched in theface.Herallergiesputheronestep ahead of every villain,evenifshewouldneverknowwhatpeanutbuttertastedlike.
“Dr. Julian! You don’thave to do this!” she criedover the howling wind. Shewasn’t even sure the mancould hear her, but it never
hurt tousereasonbeforeyoustartedusingyourfists.“Youcan give me the vial and noonehastogethurt.”
Dr.Julianwheeledaround,a vial of bright red liquid inhis hand. “Kid, you need toleave me alone. You don’tknowwhat’sgoingonhere.”
“I know what you’vecreated,andIknowyouplanto give it to someone whowill use it to take the world
hostage. I can’t let you dothat!”
Dr.Juliansnarledandkeptrunning along the top of themoving train. Ruby racedafter him the best she could.At a slightbend in the track,thescientistnearlyfelloff.
“Dr. Julian!” Ruby cried.Ifhe fell,hisvialwould fall.The scientists back at thePlayground told her that
would be disastrous. Thesuperlaxativewouldseepintothe water supply, flow intorivers and oceans, and theworldwouldturnintoonebigtoilet.
Ruby reached the end ofher car and tookawild leap,landing hard on the next car.Then she continued to runafter the scientist. He had ahead start, but shewas fasterandmoreagile,andsoonshe
hadcuthisleadinhalf.“Youhave to stop,Dr. Julian.Youknowthisiswrong.”
Julian stopped and facedher.“Kid,myworkisforsaleto the highest bidder! I can’tstop someone from usingwhat I create to do badthings.”
Ruby’s hands began toswell—aclearsignthatJulianwaslying.Therewasmoretothe scientist’s claim.A tickle
inherarmpittoldherthatDr.Julian was being forcedagainsthiswill.
“Someone has threatenedyou,”Rubyshouted.
“You don’t know whatyou’re talking about,” hesaid.“Nowgetlostbeforewebothgetkilled.”
“Whatdid theysay they’ddotoyou?”
Julianscowled.Suddenly, Ruby’s eyes
were swelling, which couldonlymeanonething:Danger.“Duck!” she shoutedwithnotime to spare. She fell to herbellyasthetrainplungedintoa tunnel. She could feel thestoneceilingscrapingagainsther coat, and she prayed thatDr. Julian had been able toheedherwarning.Whentheycleared the tunnel, shegot toher feet. The scientist hadmadeit,too.
“Who is making you dothis?”shecontinued.
Thewordsseemed topainthe man. “She’s … I don’tknow what her name is,really.Shewearsamaskwithaskullonit.”
Ruby felt the air squeezeout of her body. “Ms.Holiday.”
“She threatened myfamily.”
“We can protect them,”
Ruby said, taking a tentativestep forward. “I know I looklikeameddlingkidwhoisinover her head, but I workwith some very powerfulpeople. We can move youandyourfamilytoaplaceshewill never findyou.Youcanstartoverwithoutfear.”
Dr. Julian lookeddownathisvialand thenbackather,clearly struggling with thedecision. Ruby sympathized
and wondered what shewould do in the samesituation: put her trust insomekidontopofaspeedingtrain, or risk her family’slives?
“Allright,kid,”hesaidashe stretched out his arm tohandherthevial.
Rubyletoutadeepbreaththatshehadn’trealizedshe’dbeen holding. “You’re doingthe right thing,” she said.
With her fingertips on thevial, she was suddenlyovercome by a tremendoussneezing fit.Thevial slippedand fell onto the top of thetrain.Luckily,itdidn’tbreak,but it bounced and skiddedtowardthefarendofthecar.
“Hey, Pufferfish,everything OK?” a voicecrackledinherhead.
Rubyscowled.Thesneezewasn’tanallergic reactionor
a touch of the flu but whathappened when a tinycommunication linkimplantedinRuby’snosewasactivated. Itwas supposed tokeepherinclosecontactwithherteammembers,butasshewatched the vial disappearfrom view, she wished shecouldreachuphernostrilandyank it out. Especially sinceshe knew who was on theother end—HeathcliffHodges.
“Pufferfish?Can you readme?”
Ruby growled. “You’renot supposed to be on thecom-link,Heathcliff!”
“I wanted to help. HaveyoucaughtDr.Diarrheayet?Where are you? It soundsloud—”
Rubysqueezedhernosetodeactivatethelinkandchasedafterthebouncingvial.Itslidacross the metal roof,
threatening to shatter andexplode at any second. Shelunged face-first, feeling theslick glass in her hands oncemore, only to lose it againwhen another sneeze tookhold. Ruby watched the vialhopacrossthegaptothenextcar.
“Hey,iseverythingOK?Ithink we got disconnected,”Heathcliff said over the link.“When you get back, we
should run a diagnostic onyournostrilimplant.”
“HEATHCLIFF! If youdon’tmind,I’mtryingtosavethe world,” she said, haulingherself to her feet anddisconnecting the com-link.Her eyes again on the vial,she dashed ahead, doing herbest tokeepherbalancewiththe ever-changing shaking ofthe train. Shewas just aboutto reach down and scoop up
thedeadlypotionagainwhen…
“AHHH-CHOOO!”Her right foot kicked the
vialacrossthegap,sendingitontothenextcar.
“You have got to bekidding me!” she shouted asher fingers tingled. She wasallergic to bad timing andeven more sensitive toannoyingpeople.
“Um, I was thinking that
maybe I could send amessage to the conductor tostop the train. Would thathelp?”
“I’ve got it covered!”Ruby bellowed. “And thiswould be over if you wouldjustleavemealone!”
“Oh,”Heathcliffsaid.Sheignoredthehurtinhis
voice. She knew hewas justtrying to help, but she didn’thave time for him. She
squeezed her nose again toshut him out and leapedacrossthegap.Unfortunately,this landingwasnotas luckyasthepreviousones.Herfeettouched down on a patch ofblack ice that sent herslipping and tumbling overthe side of the car. Shesurvived only by snatching ametalrailingontheroofwithone hand and grabbing thevial out of the air with theother. Strong gusts sent her
crashing into the side of thetrain as she struggled to pullherselfbackupwithonearm.She imagined the bewilderedpassengers gaping at herthrough the windows andhoped they would be smartenough to look away beforeshefell.
Which was exactly whatwasgoingtohappen.Shejustdidn’t have the upper-bodystrength to hold on formuch
longer.Deathwas inevitable,but she had to focus on thevial.When she fell, itwouldfall, too, which meant itwould shatter and soak intothesoil.
Sherefusedtobethecauseof the world falling apart.There was only one way tostop it. She had to swallowtheformula.
She had no idea what theglowing red chemical would
do to her body. If a dropcould take out a city, whatwouldawholevialdo toherinsides? The pain would bestaggering, but itwould onlylastabriefmoment,andthenshe would fall and it wouldall be over. It was the onlywaytosavetheworld.Dyingwaspartofthedealwhensheagreedtobeasecretagent.
She slipped the littleglasstube into her mouth and
groundher teeth into the capin order to yank it off. Butshe was too late. The trainwentaroundacurve,andshewas thrown against the car.The force was so strong thather grip was wrenched freeandshefell.
But she didn’t hit theground. There was anotherhand wrapped around herjacket hood, pulling her tosafety. She lay on her back,
breathing heavily, with thevial still safe—and sealed—betweenherteeth.Inthecoldwinterair,hersaviorhoveredoverher.
“You can’t die on me,kid,”Dr. Julian saidover thewind. “You’ve got to protectmyfamily.”
Rubynoddedandremovedthevial fromhermouth.Shesqueezed her nose toreactivate the link to the
Playground.“Heathcliff,areyouthere?
I have something for you todo,”shesaid.
“Really? Oh, boy!”Heathcliffcried.
Ruby set her mouth in adetermined expression. “Iwant Dr. Julian’s wife andchildren taken intoprotectivecustody, and I want it donefiveminutesago.Youtellourpeoplethatnoonegoeshome
until the Julian family’s in asafe house. This is toppriority.”
Heathcliff squealed withdelight. “I’m on it. You cancountonme!”
Dr.Juliansatdownbesideher, lifted the collar on hisovercoat, and stared off intothe beautiful green fields ofnorthern England, whichwere slowly becoming morevisibleinthedawnlight.
“So the world owes itscontinued existence to aneleven-year-old girl?” Dr.Julianasked.
“Actually, I’m twelve,”Ruby replied. “And don’tworry, Doctor. They onlysend me when James Bondcan’ttakethejob.”
“Andhowoftenisthat?”Rubysighedandturnedto
Dr. Julian. “Lately it’s beeneveryday.”
When you are asupervillain, it is very hardtogetrespectfromtherestofthe criminal community if
you happen to be cute, andunfortunately, MissInformation was terribly,depressingly adorable. Shehad big blue eyes, a buttonnose,tannedskin,andgoldenhair.Shelookedlikeamoviestar. Her peers, on the otherhand, were covered in uglyscarsandhadterriblytwistedmetalliclimbs.Someofthemhad laser eyes or had beendisfiguredbychemicalspills.Professor Zydeco had an
alligator head and anaccordion frozen in his chestcavity. Miss Informationwould have loved that! Butno luck—she was a beauty.So shewas forced towear amask that covered herwholehead.
Themaskhaddrawbacks.First, it was very difficult
to eat a candy apple whilewearingit.
Second,itgaveherterrible
hat-head.Third,whenevershecalled
a customer service numberand got an automated voicesystem, it never understoodwhat she was saying.NEVER! She could shoutover and over again, but thevoicewouldalwayssay,“I’msorry. I didn’t catch that.Let’stryagain.”
Butthemaskdidhavetwomajor pluses. The first was
that it scared the livingdaylights out of everyonewho saw it. She’d witnessedpeoplewettheirpantsorevenfaintwhentheymether.Thatwas cool. The second wasthatshedidn’thavetolookatherselfwhensheworeit.Herface, as lovely as it was,brought on a wave ofconfusing memories—orweretheyhallucinations?Shecouldn’tbesuresometimes.Itseemed as if she had lived
severallivesallcrammedintoone.Was the handsomemanwith the amazing hair real?Who were the superpoweredchildren that appeared in herdreams? Why did shesometimes ache to wear acardigan sweater? Why didshehave to resist theurge togo into librariesand reshelvebooks?Whatwas theDeweydecimal system? Why wasshe always “shushing”people?Themaskquietedall
of her questions. Itmade herfeelsane.
“I bet they’re looking forus, darling,” she said. Sheturned to her boyfriend,whosatinachairinthecornerofheroffice.Hewaswearing atuxedo and holding a whitecane, andmight have lookedvery dapper if he wasn’t ascarecrow with a head madefrom a stuffed burlap sack.MissInformationhadpainted
asmileyfaceonthesackandhung a sign from his neckthatreadALEX.
She planted a kiss on thescarecrow’sburlap face, thenhoisted him over hershoulder. Every stepshowered loose straw behindher.
She carried Alex into anenormous domed room. Theceiling,whichwas held aloftby towering pillars, was
decorated with intricateceramicmosaicsdedicated tothe four branches of evil:raving madmen, worldconquerors, firebrandpyromaniacs, and fast-foodworkers. Below was a roomaslongandwideasafootballfield.Hundredsof tables andworkstations filled the space,and at each station busyscientists were workingfeverishly on bizarreinventions: sun-exploding
missiles, laser-guided deathrays, armies of evil roboticbeavers,tidal-wavemachines,devicestoawakenprehistoricmonsters… Itwas like… aplayground of evil! Everytime Miss Informationentered the room, shecouldn’t help but beam withpride. Every detail was builtaccording to her vision—andtothinkithadallcometoherinadream.
“Miss Information!We’vehadabreakthrough!”
One of her scientistshobbledacrossthevastroom.Shedidn’t knowanyof theirnames,butthisonehadaballandchainattachedtohis leg,which meant he had tried toescape at some point. MissInformation hated when thescientists tried to escape. Itreallyhurtherfeelings.
“Oh, yes?” she said.“Whichone?”
The scientist removed afoldedpieceofpaperfromhispocketandspread itoutonanearby table. It showed acrudedrawingofabigcircle.Beneath it in neat printwerethewords talking, flying,androboticball.
“Finally!” MissInformation cried. “Whattooksolong?”
The scientist gulpednervously.“Weapologizefor
the delay, but as Dr. Silverremarked, the design was alittlevague.”
“Vague? Everything youneeded to know is right hereon this paper. Where is thisDr.Silver?”
“Youhad himplaced in acagefullofhungrytigers.”
“Oh,thatDr.Silver!Well,that’ll teach him to be anegativeNelly!”
“Actually, the tigers ate
him.”“And now you’re being a
negative Nelly!” she said,huffing.“Whycan’tyouguysbehappy?Ihiredyoutoworkon supercool ideas. This is adreamjobforascientist.”
“Um, actually, youkidnappedallofusandforceus to work with threats and…tigers.”
“Listen, I’ve never run aworldwidecriminalenterprise
before,soyouguysaregoingtohavetocutmesomeslack!There’re going to be somegrowingpainsuntilIfigureitall out. Now, you said youhadsomethingtoshowme?”
He reached into his labcoat and pulled out a silverballthesizeofalargetomato.He set it in her hands andpushed a button on itssurface. The ball hummed tolife.Likemagic,itspunlikea
top and hovered in midair.Purple lights beamed fromtinyholesandilluminatedthewallsandceiling.
MissInformationturnedtoher straw boyfriend, who satin a chair shedding more ofhis innards onto the floor.“Sweetums!Itworks.”
Sheturnedbacktotheorb,dazzled by its lights andsounds. “Happy birthday,Benjy!”
Adeep, emotionlessvoicecame from within the orb.“WhoisBenjy?”
“You are, silly.” Shegiggled.“Howdoyoufeel?”
“Idonothavehands, so Icannotfeelanything.”
“No, I don’t mean thatliterally,” she replied. “I’masking about what you areexperiencing.”
“I do not experienceanything.Ilogandsavewhat
Iperceive.”Miss Information frowned
and turned to the scientist.“I’munhappy,Mr.Scientisty-man. I thought Benjy wouldhavemoresass.”
“Sass?”“You know—personality.
Ithoughthe’dbesnarky,”shesaid. “This wasn’t how Iimagined the robot at all.Heneeds tohaveopinionsandasenseofhumor.This thingis
totally boring. No offense,Benjy.”
“I cannot be offended. Iam not programmed withemotions.”
“See?” she exclaimed.“Lame!”
“He’s a robot, ma’am,with limited artificialintelligence. What you’reasking for is simply notpossible,” the scientist said,hisvoiceshaking.
MissInformationeyed theman disapprovingly. Thenshe shouted over the din ofexperiments and chatter,“Doesanyoneknowwhenthetigerseatlun—”
“Butwecanfixhim!” thescientistcried.
MissInformationturnedtoher stuffed beau. “Really?”shesaidasifshewerehavingaconversation.“ButIwantedhimtobefunny.Well,ifyou
thinkso.”With a pout in her voice
she turned back to thescientist. “Let’s leave Benjythewayheis.”Sheleanedinto whisper in the terrifiedman’s ear. “I thinkAlex is alittle jealous about thecompetition formyattention.You should get to work onthenextpartofmyplan.”
The scientist nodded andforced a smile on his face.
“The machine that giveschildren superpowers?” hewhisperedback.
“Yes.Yougotmydesigns,correct?”
“Ihavethecrayondrawingof the chair that you drew,”he said. “So, yes, I got yourdesigns.”
“Well, chop-chop,” MissInformation said, raising hervoicesoeveryonecouldhear.“Time’sa-wastin’!”
The scientist darted off asfast as he could with a ballchainedtohisleg.
“Benjy, welcome to theteam. This is Alex, myboyfriend,”Miss Informationsaid, gesturing to the strawman. “He’s amaster spy andan international man ofdanger.”
“That is a scarecrow,”Benjysaidmatter-of-factly.
Miss Information seized
thestuffedmanandgavehima hug. “Oh, silly, theremustbe something wrong withyourvisualsensors.”
“My sensors arefunctioningwithin—”
“Notimeforchitchatrightnow, Benjy. I want to showyouourevilheadquarters.”
Miss Information hoistedthe scarecrow onto her backand led the orb through herfacility. They passed all
mannerofspace-agevehicles:cars that drove underwater,flying motorcycles,helicopters that ranonmaplesyrup, mini submarines, andmanymore. In another roomthey found weapons:submachine guns, laserpistols, rocket launchers,matter vaporizers—even aflamethrower.
“Look at all my toys,Benjy. We have the most
advanced computer andsurveillancetechintheworldandafull-timestaffdedicatedto creating one doomsdaydeviceafter another.And thebreakroomhasajuicer!Bestof all, we’re hidden severalstories below a middleschool.”
Benjy spun around andbeeped. “Yes, my internalGPSpinpointsourlocationasbeneath the Margreet Zelle
Detention Center for theIncorrigible.”
“You are correct. Thisschool houses an army ofpunks, juvenile delinquents,and bad apples. It’s thebiggest collection of bulliesin North America. They’regoing to be very helpful inmy plans to take over theworld.”
The orb clicked. “May Iaskaquestion?”
“Youbetcha.”“Have you given any
thought to the logisticalcomplications of maintainingcontrolover thewholeworldin the highly unlikely eventthat you succeed? Forinstance, how will youeffectivelymanageaplanetofover sevenbillionpeople, allof whom will be plotting toretake their freedom? Howwill you juggle the various
economic needs of eachnation?Doyouplanonrulingtheworldwithan ironfistorbenevolence? Have youfounda solution to theneedsofpoorercountries,ordoyouplan on subjecting everyoneto slavery and destroying theindustrialized world? If it isthe latter, have you plannedfor housing, food, cleanwater, and access to healthcare? How will you handlethevariousreligiousneedsof
everyone you rule? How doyou maintain a singlecurrency for an extremelydivergentpeoplewhoallhavedifferent cultural andeconomicneeds?”
MissInformationblinked.“You haven’t thought this
out, have you?” the orbasked.
“Nevermindallthat!Let’sget started, shall we?” Shestopped at a large screen
mounted on the wall andtappedabuttononitsside.Itlit up with the image of apretty girl no more thantwelve years old. She hadlarge mahogany eyes andwore a plaid skirt and amatching sweater with agriffinlogo.
“My data bank tells methat this is Tessa Lipton,daughter of the president ofthe United States,” the orb
said.“I know. We’re going to
kidnapher.”“A second search reveals
the criminal penalty forkidnapping the child of agovernment official is life inprison.”
“Oh, don’t be a partypooper, Benjy,” MissInformation said. “This isgoingtobesuperfun!”
To avoid confusion, Rubyhadcreatedachart toensurethat she was never late forschool.
6:45WAKEUP,TURNOFFALARMCLOCK
6:50 TAKEALLERGYMEDICINE
6:55 SHOWER
7:05
TOWEL-DRY/ATTEMPTTODETANGLEKINKYHAIR
CHECKTIMETOMAKESURE
7:10 SCHEDULEISWORKING
7:15 GIVEUPONKINKYHAIR,GETDRESSED
7:25
SAYGOODMORNINGTOPARENTS(NOTE:FRANCISANDSARAH)ANDBABYBROTHER(NOAH)
PETTHEDOG
7:27 (TRUMAN)THENLETHIMOUTTHEBACKDOORTODOHIS“BUSINESS”
7:28
PARTICIPATEINLIGHTCHITCHAT/BONDINGWITHFAMILY
7:35 EATBREAKFAST
7:50
DOUBLECHECKTIMETOINSURESCHEDULEISBEING
MAINTAINED
7:55 FLOSSANDBRUSH
8:00MAKESECONDATTEMPTATDETANGLINGHAIR
8:10
SURRENDERTOFUTILITYOFKINKYHAIR,GATHERBELONGINGS
PUTONCOAT,BOOTS,HAT,
8:15 MITTENS,ANDSCARF(WINTERSCHEDULE)
8:20
MORECHITCHATWITHFAMILY;GOOD-BYEHUGSANDKISSES
8:30 DEPARTFORSCHOOL
Unfortunately, her familyhad a way of smashing her
plans with a wrecking ballandthensettingthemonfire.At 6:55, when she shouldhave been showering, sheheard a calamity in thekitchen she couldnot ignore.Grumbling, she paddedthrough the house and foundSarahburningscrambledeggswhile talking on the phone.Francis was attempting tospoon-feedNoahwhiletryingto knot his necktie with hisfree hand, and Truman, the
family terrier, was throwinghimselfagainstthebackdoorwithapanickedwhine.
Ruby sighed and tookcharge. She let the dog out.Thensheturnedandtookthefrying pan from Sarah,replacing it with a containeroforange juice, and spinninghertowardtheglassesalreadyonthetable.Theeggswerealost cause—crunchy andblack—so Ruby tossed them
in the garbage and cracked ahalf-dozen fresh eggs into abowl. She lowered the flameonthestoveandbeattheeggswith a whisk. After pouringthem in a frying pan, shestuffed four slices of breadintothetoasterwithonehandwhile rinsing a bunch ofgrapeswiththeother.
She snatched a roll ofpaper towels off the counterandwenttoworkcleaningthe
baby food off Noah andeverything else within fiveyards of him. Ruby took thetiefromherfather,wrappeditaround her own neck, andtieditforhim.Thenshewentback to the eggs for a quickstir, tossed some cheese onthem, gave them a flip, andservedthemontothreeplates.Whentheglasseswerefullofjuice, Ruby guided hermother toher seat, thengaveherabutterknifeandpointed
her toward a fresh stack oftoastwhileshepouredcoffeeinto both of her parents’oversizemugs.
“Didyougetanysleeplastnight?” her father asked herwhile attempting to insert aspoon full of creamed riceintoNoah’smouth.The littleboy’s lipswereclampedshutlikeavise.
“Just a little tired,” Rubysaid. The truth was she was
exhausted and felt like shewas shuffling around like azombie.Afterhermissiononthe train, she felt that sheneeded at least a week ofsolidsleeptorecover,butshecouldn’ttellherparentsaboutit.Thoughshefelt ickylyingto them, she truly believedthatkeepingtheminthedarkalsokept themsafe. “Try thechoo-chootrick.”
Francis smiled. “What
would we do without you,Ruby?”
“You’dbeuptoyourearsindirtydiapersandthehousewouldbeonfire,”Rubysaid.
Just then, she let out aterriblesneeze.
“Honey,didyoutakeyourallergy medicine?” Sarahasked.
“I’ll take care of it rightnow,” Ruby said, excusingherself from the table and
rushing to thebathroom.Shelockedthedoorandsqueezedhernose.“Pufferfishhere.”
The principal soundedagitated.“Kid,Ineedyouandthe team here pronto.We’vegotanationalemergency.”
“What’s new? I supposeit’s another insane plot byMs.Holiday?”
There was anuncomfortable silence on theother end. No one liked to
thinktheirbiggestenemyhadonce been one of their bestfriends.
“Just hurry, and if youhappen to have a pleatedskirt,bringitwithyou.”
“Apleatedskirt?”The com-link
disconnected.The principal sounded
panicked. Tired as she was,she knew she had to put hermorning into high gear. She
opened the bathroom door,prepared to race to her roomto get dressed, but she wasstopped by her motherwaitingontheotherside.
“Ineedyouhomeontimetonight, Ruby. No excuses,”Sarahsaid.“Theentirefamilyiscomingintwodaysforourannual Hanukkah andChristmas celebration.Grandma Rose and GrandpaTom, Grandma Tina and
Grandpa Saul, Aunt Delynn,AuntDenise,AuntSuzi,AuntLaura,AuntEmily,UncleJJ,Uncle Justin, Uncle Eddie,Uncle Kevin, Uncle Jeff,Uncle Christopher, UncleJohn, and all your cousins—Kiah, Kiara, Leaf, Finn,Hayley, Tulia, Siena,Danny,Alex, Charlotte, Kate, andImogen. We have to getready.”
Ruby groaned. “All seven
thousand of them? Theyaren’tstayinghere,arethey?”
“Sure, because I’m tryingto blow up the house,” hermother said with a laugh.“Youknowwecan’tkeepallthe Protestants and Jews inthe same house for longerthan an hour before a holywar starts. Don’t worry—yourfatherbooked themintoa hotel. But we’re hosting acouplebigdinnershereandI
want this place spick-and-span.Icouldalsousesomeofyour famous organizingskills.”
“You’re trying to distractme from this insaneinconvenience with my loveof making lists,” Rubygrumbled.
Sarahsmiled.“Ifyouwanttobeinthisfamily,youhavetohaveanappetiteforchaos.Come home right after
school.”“Fine, but I have some
rules. The little ones have tostayoutofmyroom.They’relikeferretsgoingthroughmydrawers, pulling things out,and dragging them all overthe house,” Ruby said. “Ihaveasystem.”
“OK.”“And I absolutely insist
thateveryonereadthevisitorshandbook I made for the
house, especially the partabout how to use the remotecontrol for the television.Remember last year, whenGrandpa Saul got his handsonit?Pandemonium.”
“Deal!” Sarah said,throwingherarmsaroundherdaughter and hugging hertight.
“Mom! Hugging issupposed to happen at 8:20.You’re messing up the
schedule!”
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:BIGFOOT
REALNAME:PEGGYGRUNT
YEARSACTIVE:1994–99
CURRENTOCCUPATION:FORESTRANGER
HISTORY:PEGGY’SAWKWARD
STAGE,FROMTHEAGEOFTEN
UNTILFOURTEEN,WASONEOF
THEWORLD’SMOSTDISTURBING.
SHEHADARMSTHATHUNG
NEARLYTOHERFEETANDAN
UNFORTUNATE
UNDERBITETHATRENDEREDMUCHOF
WHATSHESAIDUNINTELLIGIBLE.
SHECAMETOTHETEAM’S
ATTENTIONAFTERSHEWASCAPTUREDBY
HUNTERSWHILEONASCHOOL
FIELDTRIPTOCOLLECTLEAVES.
WHENTHEHUNTERSTRIEDTO
SELLHERTOACIRCUS,NERDS
RESCUEDHERANDOFFEREDHER
APLACEONTHETEAM.
SHEWASAFAITHFULSPY
UNTILSHETURNEDFIFTEEN
ANDSUDDENLYWENT
FROMUGLYDUCKLINGTO
SUPERHOTBABE.
UPGRADE:BIGFOOTPRODUCEDA
PHEROMONETHATCAUSEDBOYSTO
FALLINLOVEWITHHER,MAKINGTHEMHIGHLY
SUGGESTIBLETOHERREQUESTS.
The team assembled at themission desk in thePlayground and waited forthe principal to arrive.
Heathcliff hunkered in theshadows. He knew he wasforbiddenfromtakingpart inmissionbriefings, but he justcouldn’t help himself. Beinga spy was exciting, and itfrustrated him that hewasn’tallowed to help. Plus, hewanted to be ready for theday when they invited himbackontheteam.
“Another mission?”Matilda cried. “This is
ridiculous!”“IfMs. Holiday is behind
this one, I’m going toscream,” Duncan said. “Wejuststoppedherfrommeltingthepolaricecapslastweek!”
“Don’t forget the man-eating plants that attackedBirmingham,”Jacksonadded.
“And when she poisonedthe world’s supply of corndogs,”Flinchgrumbled.
“The earthquake machine
was no day in the park,either!”Duncansaid.
“They know we’re onlytwelve years old, right?”Jacksonroared.
Heathcliffunderstoodtheirfrustration. The team hadbeen working eighteen-hourdays formonths, keeping theworld from exploding orfalling intochaos.Theywereunderstaffed andunderappreciated.
Rubystoodupandraisedahand to calm everyone. Shewasanatural-bornleaderandthe team’s spokesperson.Heathcliff and Ruby hadknocked heads many timeswhenhewasontheteam,buthealwaysrespectedher.
“I’llhandlethis,”shesaid.“The principal willunderstand.Ithinkthatafewstaff additions will make ahuge difference. We need a
gadget tech to teach us thelatest stuffcomingoutof thescience team. We need asurveillanceexperttogooverwhat’s happening around theworld. We need aninformation specialist and ahistorian—”
“—and a newBenjamin!”Duncansaid.
Rubynodded.“Yes,anewBenjamin would be helpful,plus a pilot for the School
Bus now that the lunch ladyis the principal. I don’t feelcomfortable flying around inaremote-controlrocket.”
“Um,hello?”Jacksonsaid,raising his hand. “I’d behappy to train for that job. Ihave excellent eye-handcoordinationandIlookhotinaviatorsunglasses.”
“We can’t have a childflying a supersonic jet,”Matildasaid.
“Oh,butwecanhaveonejumping out of it to fightrobotsandmadscientists?”
Just then, the principalwalkedintotheroom,andtheteam turned their anger onhim. The five of them werelike a pack of angry dogs,yipping and barking at thebewilderedman.
“What in the world iswrongwithyoupeople?” theprincipalasked.
“We’retired!”“We’reoverworked!”“We’refrustrated!”“We haven’t been in a
classroominmonths!”“Thesnackmachineisout
oftaffy!”EveryonelookedatFlinch.“Well, it is,” he said
defensively.Heathcliff knew it was
time to act. “Maybe I canhelp,” he said as he stepped
intothelight.The principal frowned.
“Listen, Heathcliff, we’rehaving a team meeting and—”
“Just hear me out, OK?”No one argued, so hecontinued.“Iknowhowtofixthis team. You’reoutmatched. Ms. Holiday isspringing one world-endingschemeafter another onyou.Somedays you even have to
split up, which weakens theteam. That’s not how thisgroup is supposed to work.Theteamisfallingapart.”
“Duh!”Matildasaid.“Tellus something we don’tknow.”
This was more thanMatilda had said to him inweeks, and Heathclifffaultered. They thought hewas criticizing them.He hadtofindtherightwordstowin
themover.“You guys are the best of
the best,” he said. “I believeMs. Holiday is intentionallytrying to wear you out. Herschemes are outlandish andimpractical. You’ve stoppedmost of them without mucheffort. They’re not supposedtobehard.They’re supposedtobefrequent.”
“No one would knowbetter about end-of-the-world
scheming than you,” Jacksonsaid with a chuckle. Theothers gave him an angrylookandheblushed.
Despite Heathcliff’sravenous hunger forinformationabouthispast,hebrushed the clue aside. Hehad to stay focused on hisgoal. “What I’m saying is,youcouldusesomehelp,andI think I can be that help. Iwantbackontheteam.”
An uncomfortable silencefilledtheroom.Itwasnottheresponse Heathcliff washoping for, but he wasn’tgivingup.
“You wouldn’t have totrain me. I remember all thefighting styles, the code-breaking, even how to free-fallfromtheSchoolBus.Allyouwould need to do is putme in the upgrade chair and—”
The principal shook hishead. “Heathcliff, you arehelping—by manning thecommunicationlink.”
Heathcliff frowned. “Youcouldhaveamonkeydo thatjob.You need another agent.I’m smart and have tons ofexperience.”
His former friends didn’thave to say no to him. Theirfaces shouted it from acrossthe room.Whywere they so
resistant to letting him help?Ithad todowith themissingyearandahalfofhislife,butwhatwasit?
“I don’t get it. You letJacksonJonesonto the team.He’s got to be the worstperson in the world. Nooffense.”
“None taken,” Jacksonsaid.
“What could I have donethatwouldbeworse than the
tormenthe’sbeendishingoutsincekindergarten?”
“For the record, I thinkI’ve changed,” Jacksonmumbled.
“Heathcliff, this isn’t thetime for this,” Ruby said.“When things have settleddown a little, maybe we cantalk—”
“—and until then I’m aprisoner—”
“You are not a prisoner,”
theprincipalinterrupted.“Really? Then I can go
home?” he asked, knowingfullwelltheanswerwouldbeno.
“Heathcliff,I’veexplainedthis to you before,” theprincipal said. “We had toerase your parents’ memoryofyou.”
“But you haven’t told mewhy!”
He watched Ruby wrestle
withanexplanation.“Noonethoughtyouwere
goingtocomeback,”Matildasaid.
“Where did I go?”Heathcliff shouted. He couldhear the echo of his angerbouncearoundtheroom.
“We’reworkingon awaytoreversethememorywipe,”the principal said. “Untilthen, you just have to bepatient.Whatwe’re trying to
do toyourmomanddadhasnever been done before, andwe get only one chance. Iassure you it will happensoon,butrightnowyouhavetostayhere.Ifyouneedmorebooks or magazines to keepyouoccupied,Ican—”
Heathcliff threw up hishands. “Books andmagazines? No. You knowwhatIneed?Somefriends!”
He stomped out of the
room,desperatetogetbacktohis littlecotbeforehestartedcrying.He felt so useless, sohated, so homesick, and soalone.
“Sugarland Academy,”Ruby said as she and herteammates stood at theentrance to one of the
country’s most elite privateschools, tuckedawayonfiftyacres in Arlington, Virginia.With high, sweeping glasswalls, an observatory, anOlympic-size swimmingpool, tennis courts, and aprivate golf course, itprovided every possibleopportunity for its students.While the rest of the teamcomplained about theschool’s starchy uniforms,Ruby grew more and more
envious themoreshe learnedabout it. A year’s tuition atSugarland was almost thesameasasemesteratHarvardLawSchool,butthestaffwasmade up of elected officials,former CEOs, and world-renowned scholars. It wasalsofoundedbythemanwhoinvented the personalorganizer.Theschool’smottowas “An organized mind isthe seed of success.” Rubythought she had died and
gonetoheaven.“Why make a school this
fancy?” Jackson said, eyeingthe building warily. “If thekidswhogohereareanythinglike they are at our school,they’ll just cover it in spitwads.”
Ruby shook her head.“These kids aren’t like thebaboons we go to schoolwith, Jackson. They pridethemselves on being serious.
They grow up to runeverything.”
“Yousoundlikeyou’dliketo be one of them,” Duncansaid as he yanked at hisuniformcollar.
“I’dnevermakeithereifIhadtowear thisgetupall thetime,” Matilda said,struggling with her skirt.“Reminds me of goingundercoverasacheerleader.Inever want to wear a skirt
again.”“It’sprestigious.”“It’sitchy.”“But look, Matilda.
There’s a scary griffin sewnonto the sweater,” Jacksonsaid, pointing at the school’screst in burgundy and gold.“It looks like it wants tomurder something and theneatit.”“Grragggh!” Flinch said,
aping a scary monster. The
restoftheteamlaughed.Rubyscowled.“I assume everyone saw
the Secret Service agents,”theprincipalsaid.
“There are a few on theroof,andIsawoneinatree,”Jackson said. “What Iwouldn’tgive foracartonofeggs right now. There’snothingsofunastossingeggsat someonewho has climbedupatree.”
“Yeah, I remember youdoing that tome. I justdon’tremember it being fun,”Duncansaid,rollinghiseyes.
“Does everyone knowtheir cover stories? Jackson,your father owns theCleveland Browns. Duncan,your mother made a fortuneon an Internet startup wherepeople could purchase theirgroceries online. Matilda,your mom is the CEO of
Suckerpunch Mixed MartialArts, Inc., and Flinch, yourdadinventedRaisinets.”
“Don’t I wish!” Flinchcried.
“Pufferfish,you’retheheirto a squirtable-cheeseempire.”
“Huh?”“Yourmissionistoprotect
Tessa Lipton,” the principalsaid, ignoring Ruby’sconfused expression. “Oh,
and keep your upgrades off-line.”
“What? No powers?”Matildacried.
“Not unless youwant oneof those governmentworkersto go back to the office andtell their bosses that a bunchof kids with superpowershelped keep the president’sdaughtersafe.”
Once inside, Rubymarveledat thefloors,which
werewaxedtoamirrorshine.Photographs of famousSugarland Academy alumnidecorated thewalls,many ofwhomRuby recognized fromtheworldofpolitics.Twoofthemwere formerpresidents.But it was the students whotruly impressed her. Theywalked to their classes insingle-file lines, spoke inhushed tones, and behavedlike grown-ups. Not one ofthem had drawn a mustache
or a goatee on any of theportraits. There was nogoofing off, no pullingpranks, and no shovingpeopleintolockers.Rubyfeltlike Dorothy Gale, sweptaway by a twister anddroppedintoamagicalworld,except,unlikeDorothy,Rubydidn’twanttogohome.
She couldn’t help but feelthat this was where she wassupposed to be. Sure, she
loved her friends, butsometimes she wondered ifbeing a spy was really all itwascrackeduptobe.Herlifewas so chaotic, every day anewdisaster.Evenwhentheydid beat the bad guys, tenmorepoppedup to take theirplace.Plus,shewasmissingalotofclassesinordertosavethe world, and she worriedaboutthelong-termeffectsofgoingtoschoolwithoutreallygoing to school. Once she
turned sixteen, the teamwould cut her loose to fendforherself,butifshewenttothis school, the bastion ofintellect and planning, shewould be prepared for a lifeofpowerandprestige.Maybesheshouldtransfer.Sure,shewould have to give up herupgrades,butshe’dget togotoaschoolthattaughtaclasson “the art of sitting still”!She wasn’t sure if a personcouldhaveaschoolforasoul
mate,butshewascertainshewas falling in love withSugarlandAcademy.
The principal escortedthem to the main office,wheretheymetMs.Turnston,theschoolsecretary.Turnstonwas a bony woman whocouldn’t have weighed morethan the paperweight on herdesk.Her serious, tight-facedexpressionseemed tosuggestthat laughter was something
that should be eliminated forthe safety of others. Oddlyenough, Ruby found thewoman’s lack of humorcomforting. Itwasnice tobearound people who took lifeseriously.
“Are these the five newstudents I was informedwould be arriving today?”Ms.Turnstonaskedsourly.
The principal leaned inclose.“Yes,andIhopeyou’ll
use your discretion. Thesechildren have very importantfamilies.”
The secretary’s frowndeepened. “Sugarland’sstudent body is made up oftheupperechelonof theeliteof Washington, D.C.,” shesnapped. “Discretion is thisschool’stoppriority.”
Her sermon made theprincipal take a step back.“Very good,” he said,
nodding.TheNERDSwererequired
toreadandsignseveralcodesof conduct. One strictlyprohibited silliness, andanother threatened expulsionfor “the passing of gas, thepicking of boogers, or thedigging for earwax.” Rubysaw her friends bristle at allthe rules, but she secretlyloved them, especially thepamphlet on the proper steps
foraskingaquestion.The principal and the
children took a brief tour ofthe grounds, including theschool’s greenhouse, filmproduction studio, artmuseum, and rock climbingwall, thenMs.Turnstongavethem their class schedulesanda farewell scowl.“I trustyou can find your way fromhere,and,please,stayoffthegrass. It’s imported from
Iceland.”“Wow, even the grass is
fancy,”Jacksonsaid.“Remember,noupgrades,”
the principal said afterwishingthemluck.“Don’tletTessa out of your sight, andstayintouch.”
He slipped away, leavingthechildrenalone.
“We should probably nothangouttogether,”Rubytoldtheothers.“Peoplewillnotice
that the five new kids aresuddenlybestfriends.”
Matilda nodded. “Makessense.”
“I’ll keep an eye on thecafeteria. I hear they have apastry chef on staff!” Flinchsaid,lickinghislips.
“And I’ve got the outsideof the school covered,”Duncan said, removing aremote control from hisbackpack.Heflippedaswitch
and a dozen floating podsmaterialized in the air. “Ibrought the HovercraftRobotic Surveillance L-114a’s.”
“Um, the what?” Jacksonsaid.
“Don’tyouguyshaveanyinterest in the gadgets ourscience teamcreates for us?”Duncan said, sighing. “Theseare floating cameras with aspace-age camouflage mode
that makes them invisible tothe naked eye. They’rewhisper-quiet,too.”
He pushed a button andthe machines vanished asquicklyastheyappeared.
“Ihavethempositionedallover the campus,” Duncancontinued. “If Ms. Holidayshows up, we’ll see hercomingamileaway.”
“Smart thinking,Gluestick,” Ruby said. “All
right, let’skeepourrealeyeson Tessa, and remember,she’sapersonsurroundedbydignitariesandroyalty.Ifyoumusttalktoher—andIhighlyrecommend that you don’t—but if you do, try not to actlikemoronsandidiots.”
Herteammatesstaredbackat her, offended. Then theyscowled and walked away,leavingRubyallalone.
“Not that you act like
morons and idiots… all thetime. Just someof the time!”shecalledafterthem.
Ruby stalked TessaLipton. She followed herdown hallways and intobathrooms, and hoveredwhile Tessa drank from thewaterfountain.Itwasn’tlongbefore Ruby had a prettyclear picture ofwho the firstdaughter was: the queen ofSugarland Academy. Tessa
heldeverystudentinthepalmofherhand.Kidsracedtogether lunch. They rubbed hertired feet. They carried herbooks to class. One evenoffered to chew her food.AtfirstRubychalkedupTessa’spopularity to her being thedaughter of themost famousperson in the United States,butwhenshewastoldthesonofthecountry’smostfamousactor and thedaughter of theworld’s biggest-selling hip-
hop artist also went toSugarland, she realized thatwas too simple of anexplanation.
There had to be anotherreason, and Ruby wasdeterminedtodiscoverit.Shedecided todo reconat lunch,so she invited herself to eatwith a trio of girls whosetable had the best view ofTessa’s “permanent” seat.Their names were Deonne,
Charlotte, and Mary Alice,and as luck would have ittheywerethebestoffriends,notoriousgossips, andoverlyimpressed by wealth andfame.
“You’re the daughter ofHarvey Pickens—thesquirtable-cheese billionaire?Wow! You are so lucky. Atmy house, our servants areforced to slice the cheese byhand!”Deonnesaid.Shewas
as thin as a flagpole, with aset of braces that evenJackson would findunsettling.
“My father says it isunbecomingtofeelsympathyfor the help,” Charlottewhispered. She woresunglasses and saideverythinginahushedtone.
“Oh, Charlotte.We’re notbarbarians,”MaryAlicesaid.She had long, luxurious red
hairandmorefrecklesonherface than there were stars inthe sky. “If cheese can besquirted, the servants arewasting valuable time bestspent running our baths andattendingtoourponies.”
“I guess you are right,”Charlottesaid.
“So, Ihear thepresident’sdaughter goes here,” Rubysaid.
“Oh,yes,”Deonnereplied.
“Tessa.Quitealovelygirl.”“Lovely,” Charlotte
peeped.“Atruegem,”MaryAlice
added.Ruby was suddenly
envious. “So you’re friendswithher?”
“Oh,no,”MaryAlicesaid.“She’shorrible.”
“Horrid, really,” Deonneagreed.
“Foul,” Charlotte said,
then looked around to makesureshewasnotheard.
“I’m confused,” Rubysaid. “I thought you said shewaslovely.”
“To look at,” Charlottewhispered. “But herpersonalityisawful.”
“She’s mean! And rude!”MaryAliceadded.
“She’s what my yachtcaptain would call‘insufferable,’” Deonne said.
“But you didn’t hear thatfromus.”
“Shehasa lotofpoweratthisschool,”MaryAlicesaid.
“You don’t want to crossher. Last year she was somean, a girl fled the countryand sought asylum in Iraq,”Charlottewhispered.
When Ruby ran intoFlinchinthehallway,hisfacewascoveredinblueberrypie.
“THIS SCHOOL HAS A
BAKERY!” he shouted,barely able to control hisshakingbody.
“Itoldyouitwasaspecialplace,” she said. “But youneed to stop eating sweets.You’re going to freak out,andbesides, youhavepie alloveryou.”
“Ididn’teatthispie.TessaLipton shovedmy face in it.She’s vicious. She stompedon my lunch. Twenty-five
oatmeal cream cookies diedanearlydeathbecauseofher.WhatamIsupposedtoeatformyfifthdeserttoday?Ididn’tbringabackuptreat!”
“I’m sorry about yourcookies. Just keep yourdistance.Besubtle.”
Flinch beat on his chestand bellowed. “I am theKINGOFSUBTLETY!”
Later, Jackson was waiting
for Ruby after her class onthe History of QuietAmusements. They foundseatsinthebackofthelibraryandspokeinwhispers.
“IfMs.HolidayneededaninsidemantohelpherkidnapTessa, she wouldn’t lack forvolunteers. All the studentshateherguts,”hesaid.“Mostof the teachers, too.Apparently, little Ms. Liptonrunsthisplacelikeadictator,
only with a lot less mercy.The last principal quitbecause Tessa kept sendinghermeantexts.”
“I know, Flinch toldme,”Rubysaidgloomily.
“You’redisappointedwithher?”
“No, I’m disappointedwith the school. I thought itwasdifferent.”
“Sorry,Puff.Everyschoolhas a bully, even a school
with a space shuttle and ahospital attached to it. Youdon’tbelonghere,anyway.”
Rubyblushed. Itwasas ifJacksonhad readherdreamythoughts about being aSugarlandgriffin.
“Everyone here is toobossy,” he continued. “Whowouldyoutellwhattodo?”
Pufferfish growled, butJackson just laughed. “Doyou think that maybe we’ve
got this one wrong?” heasked. “Kidnapping isn’tMs.Holiday’s style. Most of herstunts are giant robots andmutantbunnies.”
“I don’t think we knowanything about her anymore.When she clobbered AgentBrandandtriedtokillFlinch,I chalked it up to her beinginfected by the villain virus.But when we destroyed thecorruptednanobytes,shewas
still evil and crazy. She’sobsessedwithtakingovertheworld, and kidnapping thepresident’s daughter isprobablyagoodwaytodoit.President Lipton would handover anything to save hiskid.”
Jackson sighed. “Ms.HolidaywasthecoolestadultI knew. I’m sure you guyswouldhavekickedmeofftheteamifnotforher.”
“Wedid kick you off theteam,”Rubyremindedhim.
“Yes, but luckily I amcharming and friendly and avaluable asset,” Jacksonreplied.
Justthen,Matildastormedin,receivingabigshushfromthe librarian. Wheezerignored her and approachedherteammates.
“The president’s daughtercalled me a pigface,” she
said. “I’m going to kill herandbeforeyoutellmeno,letme remind you that ourmission is to keep her frombeing kidnapped.Technically, we succeed ifshe’sdead.”
“Youcan’tkillher,”Rubysaid.
“What if I put her in thehospital? Nothing serious—justabrokenface.”
All three agents sneezed
simultaneously. Gluestickwas on the com-link. “IfTessa gets kidnapped, howbadwould it be if we didn’ttrytorescueher?”
“You had a run-in withher,too?”Rubyasked.
“Yes, and so did myunderpants. I’m going to bepulling them out of mybehinduntilI’moldandgray.Her forearms have monkeystrength!”
“Listen,team,thisisn’tthefirsttimewe’vehadtoprotectsomeone who wasintolerable,”Rubysaid.
“Yeah, but Tessa isn’t aswimsuit model like the lastone,”Jacksongrumbled.
“Luckily, Tessa isprobably safe,” Duncan said.“The day is almost over andwehaven’thadasmuchasawhisper from MissInformation.”
Jackson nodded. “Weshould call the principal andlet him knowwe’re going tobe following the First Jerkaroundagaintomorrow.”
Suddenly, Ruby felt thefloorbegintoshake.Sheheldontoherseatandwatchedasseveral books fell off theshelves and tumbled to thefloor. “Duncan,what’s goingon?” She asked. “Are theretanksoutside?”
“There’s nothingoutside,”Duncansaid.“Ihaveno ideawhere that noise is comingfrom.”
The sound was gettinglouder and the shaking moreintense. “What about ahelicopter?”Jacksonasked.
“What kind of helicoptercracks marble floors?”Matildaasked.
“The walls in the mainoffice are crumbling like
crackers,”Duncansaid.Pufferfish, Braceface, and
Wheezerranoutofthelibraryand toward the noise. In thehallway there was anexplosion of snapping wood,pulverized concrete, burstingpipes,andboilingsteam.
“Maybe it’s anearthquake!” Flinch cried ashejoinedthecom-link.
Rubyshookherhead.“It’snot an earthquake. It’s her,
and she’s not coming fromthe sky or outside. She’scoming from underneath!WhereisTessarightnow?”
“She’s in pre-algebra,”Duncanshouted.“Room111-A.”
“Go!” Ruby shouted, andshe, Jackson, and Matildadashed off to find theclassroom.Astheyturnedthecorner,Flinchappearedlikealightning flash in a
thunderstorm. The hall wasempty so no one spotted hissuperspeed. Duncan joinedthemoutsideofTessa’sclass,but it was too late. Theycouldseethroughthewindowintheclassroomdoorthatthefloor was buckling, beingthrust upward as a large,metallic drill broke thesurface.
Rubythrewopenthedoor.“Everyone listen up. Get out
of this room now!” sheshouted,butthestudentswerefar too shocked and terrifiedtofollowinstructions.“Listento me! All of you are indanger. I need everyone toget up from their desks and—”
She didn’t get to finish.The drill shot up out of thefloor like a whale breachingthe waves. It fell down hardonitsside,knockingstudents
and desks over in a massiveshockwave.
The agents leaped intoaction when the largemachine fired a rocketdirectly at them, a plume ofblack smoky death trailingbehind it. Ruby barely hadtime to shout a warning anddiveoutofthewaybeforethemissile crashed into the veryspot where she and theNERDS had been standing.
Ruby staggered to her feetand squinted through theblack air for Tessa Lipton.She couldn’t let Ms. Holi—no, Miss Information—takethe president’s daughter, butshecouldn’t seeandherearswere buzzing like they hadbeencolonizedbyhoneybees.
But Ruby “Pufferfish”Peetdidn’tneedanyof thosesenses.Shehadasixthsenseher doctor called “overactiveallergies.” She closed hereyesandtriedto tuneout thescreech in her ears. Instead,she listened to the messagesherbodywastellingher.Herpuffy glands and runny nosewerespeakingloudandclear.
A row of red soresappearedonherforearm.She
knew what that meant—goons. She was allergic togoons, and by the number ofbumps she could tell therewere eight of them spillingoutofahatchinthemachine.A sudden swelling in herright big toe meant one wasin striking distance. Sheswung,madecontact,andfeltthe bad guy slump to thefloor. Now there were sevenbumps, so only seven goons.But where were they? The
itchingofherearallowedherto play a game ofhotter/colder. The closer shegot to the next villain, themoreherearitched,andsoonshewaswhackinghimin thejaw.Sixbumps.
A phlegmy cough meantthere was someone behindher.Shewasallergictobeingsnuck up on. A quick turnmatchedwith a swift kick tothe goon’s groin sent him
topplingoverinpain.Wait—puffy lips! A fast elbowbehind her, right into theAdam’s apple of another ofMiss Information’s toadies.Fourbumpsleft.
“Pufferfish, are youOK?”Duncan shouted through thenoise.“Wecan’tseeyou!”
“I’m fine,” Ruby said,smashinganothergoonintheface.“FindTessa!”
Butthentherewasaridge
ofred,hotsoressproutingupherback.Shewas allergic tobetrayal. The onlyexplanation: MissInformationhadarrived.
“I can’t let you do this,Ms. Holiday,” Ruby cried,forgetting her old friend’salias in the panic of themoment.
“Don’t call me that!” theformer librarian bellowed.“My name is Miss
Information—or Master, ifyou want to get a head starton what the world will soonbecallingme.”
Even through the maskRubycouldhearthewoman’srage.Whydidshehate tobecalledbyherrealname?Wasshe really that disconnectedfrom reality? If only Rubycould reach her, take her bythe hand, and let her knowthey still loved her.
Unfortunately, she had moreimmediate problems. Astinging pain in her ears toldher that the other goons hadsurrounded her. She wasallergictobeingsurrounded.
Sheswungatone,clippinghiminthetemple,andhefellover with a thud. Her rightleg shot out behind her andnailed a second thug in thebelly. She could hear thewind exploding out of his
mouth even if she couldn’tsee his face through thesmoke. There was only onepunk left toworry about andthen she coulddealwithMs.Holiday, but he hadabandoned the fight andsnatched Tessa. He draggedthe poor, screaming girl intothe bizarre drill machinewhile Miss Informationlookedon.
“Don’t do this, Ms.
Holiday!”Rubybegged.The villain stood
motionless, staring at Ruby.Shetiltedherheadasiftryingto shake something loosefrom her brain. For amoment, Ruby believed shehad gotten through to theformer librarian. But thenanotherrocketfiredoutofthemachine, and Ruby wasforced to leap for her lifeonce more. By the time she
had recovered, the drill wasspinningandthemachinewasslipping back into themassive sinkhole. There wasnothingRuby or anyone elsecoulddotostopit.
Even though MissInformation had technicallykidnapped Tessa, she stillwanted to make a good
impression. So when hergoonsbroughtthefrightened,tiredgirltomeether,shehada plate of freshly bakedchocolatechipcookiesready.
“Haveacookie,sweetie. Imadethemmyself,”shesaid.
Tessa eyed the treatssuspiciously. “You’re in bigtrouble, lady! My fatherwon’t rest until I’m found.He’ll send the military, theSecret Service, the CIA, and
the FBI. If he has to, he’llevensendtheBoyScouts!”
“Oh, honey, you knowthat’snottrue.Yourdaddyisfar too concerned with hisnext election to make a bigsceneoutofgettingyouback.Howwould it look to votersif he can’t protect his owndaughter? No, I think whatwill most likely happen is,he’llquietlydoeverything tofind you, and then he’ll
attempt to negotiate yourreturn at a bargain price. Helikes being president, andhe’snotabout to letyouruinitforhim.”
Miss Information watchedTessa’s face fall. She got nopleasure in hurting the girl’sfeelings, but young Ms.Liptonneededtoseethetruthifshewasgoingtobeofanyuse.
“Iknowhowitmustfeel,”
Ms. Holiday continued.“You’re not his top priority,and that’s heartbreaking. Buthedoeshavealonghistoryofdisappointing you, doesn’the?When he was themayorofArlington, hemissed yourpreschool graduation. Whenhe was the governor ofVirginia, he went to acampaign fund-raiser lunchinstead of your ballet recital.He was a no-show at yoursoccer team’s championship
and even a couple ofChristmases. You’re a veryforgiving person to let himget away with it, Tessa.You’re a much strongerpersonthanme.”
“You don’t understand.His job isn’t easy,” Tessasnapped.
“That’s what your mothersays tomake you feel better,right? I’m sure she’s veryworried about you, but she’ll
keepquiet.She’sreallynotawave-maker, is she? So sad.You’rejustnotontheirlistofpriorities.”
“Howdoyouknowthat?”Tessawhispered.
“I know lots of things,Tessa. After all, they do callme Miss Information. Forinstance, I know that yourkidnapping has beencompletelycoveredup.”
“Impossible! All my
friendssawyoutakeme!”MissInformationsnatched
aremotecontroloffanearbytableandaimeditatawalloftelevision screens. Everymajor news channel wasbroadcasting live.NotoneofthemwastalkingaboutTessa.
“That’skindofodd,don’tyou think? The president’sdaughter is taken against herwillinfrontofherclassmatesand there’snotapeepon the
news?What’s on CNN?Oh,a report about a squirrel thatwater-skis. Well, that’s hugeinternational news, right?Watch this—he’s going tojump a ramp. Wow, thatanimalisfearless.”
Tears began to well inTessa’s eyes. MissInformation’s plan wasworking perfectly. Now itwas time to be a friend. Shegot up from her chair and
wrapped an arm around thegirl’s shoulders. “Now, now,there’snoneedtocry.”
Tessa pulled away fromher angrily. “He’ll come formeandyou’regoingtogotojailforever.”
MissInformationfrowned.“I guess we’re going to findout, Tessa. In the meantime,you look like you could usesome rest. Guards, take Ms.Lipton to her room—not the
cell. Run a hot bath for herandthensendinthemassagetherapist and the manicurist.Also, find out if there isanything she would like toeat.Ms.Liptonisourguest.”
“SoI’mnotahostage?”“No,you’restillahostage.
DidIsay‘guest’?Imeant…well… what’s a nicer wordthan prisoner? Captive?Detainee? Oh, it doesn’tmatter. Honey, the point is:
Getcomfortable.We’regoingtobehereawhile.”
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:BELLBOTTOM
REALNAME:JEANGREENE
YEARSACTIVE:1979–84
CURRENTOCCUPATION:FASHIONDESIGNER
HISTORY:JEANGREENEWAS
BROUGHTINTOREPLACEAGENT
GHOSTWHENGHOSTLEFTTHE
TEAMAFTERHERPARENTS
DISCOVEREDHERSPYACTIVITIES.
JEAN’SEARLYLIFEWAS
TUMULTUOUS.SHE
WASKNOWNFORSTEALINGCARSAND
GOINGONJOYRIDES—PRIMARILY
INTRANSAMS.THEPROBLEMWAS,SHEWASELEVEN
YEARSOLD.
UPGRADE:PRE-NANOBYTE
TECHNOLOGY.JEAN’SGIGANTIC
FLARINGPANTSWEREEQUIPPED
WITHHUNDREDSOFTOOLSAND
WEAPONSSHECOULDACCESSJUST
BYSHAKINGHERLEG.
Heathcliff got no pleasurefrombeingright,sowhentheteamreturnedfromSugarlandAcademy, he didn’t meet
them. It didn’t seemappropriatetorubsaltintheirwounds, especially since theprincipalwasbusydoingthathimself.
“It’stimetoacceptreality.Youneedhelp.I’mrecruitingnewmembersimmediately.”
“Agreed!”Duncancried.“Forget new members.
Just put Heathcliff in theupgrade chair and let himback on the team,” Jackson
said.Heathcliffwasstunned.Of
allthepeopleintheworld,heneverexpectedJackson tobeonhisside.
“Agreed,” Duncan saidagain.
“No way,” Matilda said,though it sounded like shewasyawning.“Notafterwhathe’sdone.”
“Agreed,”Duncansaid.“Huh?”
“Sorry,” Duncan said.“I’mjustsotired,I’mhavingtrouble keeping track of thisconversation.”
“Putyourheadbackonthetable,Duncan,”Jacksonsaid.
“Thankyou.”“Graagggghhhh,” Flinch
said. “What if ‘nice-guyHeathcliff’ goes back tobeing ‘bad-guy Heathcliff’after we’ve given himupgrades?Ivoteno.”
“We’re not voting,” Rubysaid. “We don’t needsomeone unstable on theteam.”Bad-guy Heathcliff?
Unstable? Heathcliff felt hisheartbreak.
“Wehavetodosomething,Pufferfish,”theprincipalsaid.
“Who’s going to trainthesenewrecruits?Andwhathappens if they wash out?Then we have to wipe their
minds of all they’ve learnedaboutus.Thekidswhocan’thack it are never the same.Most of them walk throughthehallswithcrayonsshoveduptheirnoses,claimingtobeTeenage Mutant NinjaTurtles. Remember BobbyRickle? He thinks he’s anelectric eel. He runs up andpinchespeopleonthebutt.”
“The Shocker?” Jacksonsays. “You guys did that to
him?That’shilarious.”“No, it’s sad!” Ruby
replied.“And sad,” Jackson
echoed, breaking into agigglingfit.
“Then I’ll bring in theTroublemakers,”theprincipalsaid.“You’veallworkedwiththe Hyena, and Flinch has agood relationship with theothers.”
Ruby banged the table.
“Those guys don’t fixproblems; they make them.Absolutelynot.”
“Ruby, be reasonable,”Duncansaid.
“Nope. No way. NoTroublemakers. No newmembers I can’t control. NoHeathcliff and his unstablebrain. If you add anyone tothisteam,Iwillquit.Wecanhandlethisourselves.”
Heathcliffcreptbacktohis
room and lay down on hiscot.Unstable.What did that mean? He
didn’t feel unstable. He feltlikeanormaltwelve-year-oldboy—albeit a very smarttwelve-year-old boy. If hewere unstable, wouldn’t hehavesymptoms?Wouldn’thebe yammering to himselfabout conspiracies andwearing a tinfoil hat so the
aliens couldn’t read histhoughts?
No! He was perfectlyhealthy. But … maybe hehadn’t always been. A breakwith reality or a suddenmental illness would explaintheyearandahalfofmissingdaysandwhytheotherswereso weird around him. But ifhehadbeensick,howdidheget over it? Mental illnesswasn’tlikeacold.Youdidn’t
just get better by eatingchicken soup and drinkingOJ.
He knew if he wantedanswers, he had to get themon his own, so when theNERDS went home for theday, he padded down theempty hallways to thecommand center. Though hehad never been on amissionin this particular Playground,itwasn’tmuchdifferentfrom
the one at the elementaryschool.Themissiondeskhada computer built into it thatwas activated by handgestures. He waved hisfingers over the circuitry. Amoment later a televisionmonitor lowered from theceiling.
“PLEASE ENTER THEPASSWORD,” a computervoice directed as the samewords flashed across the
screen.Heathcliff grimaced and
said a silent prayer that hisnerdy friends had notchangedthenerdypassword.
“DoctorWho.”“DOCTOR WHO IS
INCORRECT ACCESSDENIED PLEASE ENTERTHEPASSWORD.”
Heathcliff growled. Theyhad changed the password!Howwouldhe figureout the
newone?Itwasalwayssomereferencefromsciencefictionor comic books, but thenumber of possibilities wasstaggering. It could be anyone of the nine differentcaptains of the StarshipEnterprise. It could be thename of Luke Skywalker’saunt. Itcouldbe thenameofthe current Green Lantern.Actually, Heathcliff wasn’tsure who the current GreenLanternwas.Hewasgoingto
have to catch up on hiscomics.Aaargh!Hewouldhaveto
guess. He knew he wouldonlyget threechancesbeforethe system locked him out—two, now that he’d blown itwith“DoctorWho.”
“ENTER THEPASSWORD,”thecomputercommandedagain.
Heathcliff closed his eyestight. Who was the last
persontositatthiscomputer?Matilda!Hesawherworkingonit thatmorning.Couldthepassword be one of herinterests? What was it sheliked?…Punchingpeople intheface…No!Wrestling!
“ReyMysterio,”hesaid.“REY MYSTERIO IS
INCORRECT ACCESSDENIED PLEASE ENTERTHEPASSWORD.”
Heathcliff slammed his
headonthedesk.“Whatisit?What is the stupidpassword?”
“STUPID PASSWORDIS INCORRECT ACCESSDENIED YOU ARELOCKED OUT OF THEMAINFRAME FOR THENEXT TWENTY-FOURHOURS.”
The monitor rose towardthe ceiling, but Heathcliffrefusedtoletitgo.Heleaped
onto his chair and clung tothe screen like a babychimpanzee nuzzling itsmother. He couldn’t hold onforever, though, and he fell,crackinghisheadonthefloortiles. Two hours later, heawoke covered in his owndrool and sporting a welt onhis head as big as aclementine.
Irritated and sore, hedrifted amongst the tables of
the Playground’s ScienceHub, marveling at itsinventions. Occasionally hefound himself making subtlecorrections to one of thescientists’ formulas or anengineeringplan—itwasoneway of helping a team thatdidn’twanthishelp.
He poked through projectafter project until he cameacrossadeskcoveredinjunk.Whoever worked here was
clearly in over his or herhead. Half-finished gizmoslittered the workspace, andbeneath it miles of tangledcable were tied in hopelessknots. In a cardboard boxnexttothetrashcanhefounda small, silver orb broken intwolikeacrackedegg.Wiresand gears spilled out of itsinsides. Abandoned projectscould be found all over thePlayground, but this onewasnot just a pile of junk.
Heathcliff remembered thisdeviceveryclearly.
“Benjamin,” he said.“How did you get in thisbox?”
Heathcliff gingerly turnedover the robot and marveledat the circuitry inside.Benjamin was beyondextraordinary—a mechanicaldevicewithadistinct,almosthuman, personality.Whoeverhad created it was much
smarter than Heathcliff. Infact, Benjamin was the firstpiece of technologyHeathcliff could rememberthattrulybaffledhim.Hehadonce asked about its originsandwastolditwastopsecret.Benjaminwasamystery,justlikeHeathcliff.
But unlike guessing thepasscode, Benjamin wasn’tan impossible mystery. Itwould take time, but
Heathcliffwas sure he couldget the little robot flyingagain. If the circuit boardwasn’t too damaged,Benjamin might be able totell him about the missingmonthsofhislife!HeshovedBenjamin under his shirt andwalked briskly through thescience stations, smiling forwhatfeltlikethefirsttimeinmonths.
General Savage’s face waswaitingonthemonitorwhenthe principal returned to hisoffice.Hebracedhimself for
his boss’s rage, but thegeneral wasn’t mad. In fact,helookeduncomfortable.
“He wants to talk to thekids.”
The principal cocked acurious eyebrow. “Who ishe?”
“The‘he.’Thecommanderinchief.”
The principal frowned. “Ican’t let that happen,” hesaid.“Youknowthat.”
The general’s thickunibrow swallowed his eyes.“Director, you can’t refusethe president of the UnitedStates.”
“Sir,thisorganizationwascreated to exist outside thepetty politics of whoever isrunning this country, and forvery good reasons. Theseagents are children. If theyare at the command of thepresident, or the vice
president, or Congress, orwhomever, it is clear whatwill happen. They will beyankedoutofthisschoolandsent to war zones to fight.Their technology will bestrippedandgiventosoldiers.They will be studied andexperimented upon. It willalso be disastrous to ourmission, which is saving theworld—the entire world. It’swhy the team’s securityclearance is higher than that
ofthepresident.”“This is about his
daughter,”Savagesaid.“I ammore than happy to
talktohim.Icanansweranyquestions he might have.There’s no reason for him tomeetoneoftheagents.”
“This is not a negotiation.This is an order,” Savagebarked.
Suddenly, the principalhad to resist the incredible
desire to grin. He was in afight—awar ofwords, but afight nonetheless—andfightingwaswhathedidbest,next to making cherriesjubilee. It was the first timesincehehadbecomedirectoroftheagencythathefeltlikehimself.
“No,sir.”“I can replace you,” the
generalgrowled.“And, sir, I can have you
arrested.”Thegeneralrearedbackin
hischair.“Youcanwhat?”“You have violated the
law by divulging sensitivematerials to individuals wholacktheproperclearance.”
“Ididnothingofthesort!”“What did you tell the
president?”The general stammered,
thengrowledtocoveritup.“I—Itoldhimwehadateamof
kid spies who were sent toprotect his daughter. Hedoesn’t know about theupgrades.”
“You have betrayed thesechildren,General.”
Savagestaredbackathim.His face was like a bonfireburning the principal’s eyes,but the principal had been inmanyfires.Hewouldsurvivethisone,too.
“Sir,withallduerespect,I
encourage you to keep yourmouth shut,” the principalsaid.
Savage scowled and thescreenwentblack.
When Miss Informationwasfeelingparticularlygoodabout one of her evil plans,she baked, so that night she
whipped up three apple pies,a pineapple upside-downcake, and a batch of hersignature blueberry muffins.Thenextmorning sheplacedthemonatrayandtookthemto Tessa Lipton, whom shefound curled up on the bed,flipping through channels onher TV. Hundreds of tear-soaked tissues littered theroom.
“He’s not sending the
military,” she sobbed. “Hedidn’tevencalltheIRS.”
MissInformationsatdownonthebed.“Muffin?”
The girl eyed the snackssuspiciously and shook herhead.
MissInformationshruggedand set the tray on a nearbytable. “Tessa, with theelection coming up, yourfather has to show theworldhe’s strong. So he’sworking
behind the scenes to recoveryou without letting the pressfindout. Ifhegetsyouback,he’ll tell you not to sayanything about it, and youand your familywill have toact like it never happened.Right?”
Tessafrownedbutnodded.“No wonder you’re a
bully.”Tessa’s face crinkledwith
indignation. “I am not a
bully.”“Yes, you are, Tessa.
You’re a certifiable, onehundred percent jerk. Youdon’t have any friends whoaren’t bullies, and mostpeople are terrified of you.That’s the definition of abully.But it’snotyour fault.You’re like that becauseyou’re hurting. Most bulliesabuse other people to callattention to their own pain.
Sometimes a bully feelsinsecure about herself,sometimes her victimsintimidate her, andsometimes, as in your case,she just wants some love.You intentionally causeproblems in the hope thatyour dad will become moreinvolved in your life. Am Iright?”
Tessa sat up and rubbedherswolleneyes.“Yes.”
Miss Information smiledbeneathhermask.“Soyou’vegottenmeanerandmeaner toyour classmates and teachersbut it hasn’t worked. I canhelpyougettheattentionyouwant.”
“How?”“Oh, I know a lot about
getting attention,” MissInformation bragged. “Wecan make your father regrethischoices,andturnhiminto
the daddy you’ve alwayswanted.Inexchange,youcanhelp me with some of myplans.”
“HowcanIhelpyou?”“Tessa, being a bully is a
skill that requires years ofpractice to develop. Fewbullies ever get past pushingkids on the playground. Butyou … you’ve taken it to awholenewlevel.Notonlyareyou mean and nasty but
you’ve also found ways toterrorize everyone you’veevermet.That,myfriend,isatalentIcanuse.”
“WhatdoIhavetodo?”Miss Information felt like
afishermanreelinginatrout.Allshehadtodonowwasgethercatchintotheboat.
“You and I will cause alittletroublethatwill,inturn,causea little trouble foryourdad. Why, it might even
cause him to lose theelection.”
“Losetheelection?Ican’tdothat!”
“But,honey,ifhelosestheelection, he’ll be out ofpolitics. You’ll have him alltoyourself.”
Tessa sat thinking for alongtime.
Miss Information wasn’tsureherlittlefishwasstillonthe line. “I have a team of
kids who, like you, need alittle attention.All they needis a leader. Someone to bossthemaround.”
A smile crept acrossTessa’sface.
Miss Information knewshehadhernow.“Andyou’llgetsuperpowers.”
Tessa frowned. Her eyeswent back to looking at theexit.
“Did the Secretary of the
Interior put you up to this?He’s still angry about thetime I called him a tree-hugginghippie.”
“You think this is aprank?” Miss Informationasked.
Tessa sneered. “I waskidnapped by a lady whowears a skull mask. Shewants me to lead a team ofkids forherandsaysshecangive me superpowers. You
can see why I might thinkyou’recrazy.”
“I AM NOT CRAZY,”Miss Information bellowed.She did not like that word.Shewasperfectlysane.Tessahad better watch her words.There was always the tigercage! But then she saw thefearinthegirl’seyes,andshetook a deep breath to calmherself. “I’m very sorry.Listen,ifyouwantproofthat
what I’m saying is true, thenI’mhappytoshowyou.”
She clapped her hands,and a small round holeopened in the wall. Benjyzippedthroughitandintotheroom.
“Benjy, I would like Ms.Lipton to meet our team,”Miss Information said. “Aretheyready?”
“Yes. The upgrade chairyou designed this morning
has been constructed and isoperational. The fouroperativesyouchosehaveallbeen through the processsuccessfully.”
Miss Information clappedlikeahappychild.“Havethefire alarm sounded in theschool above us. I need theirgymnasium.”
Benjy chirped and spun.“The alarm has beentriggered.”
MissInformationpushedabutton and the ceiling slidopen to reveal a long darktunnel.Witha loud rumblingnoise, the floorbeneath themrose like a massive elevator.It went higher and higher,until the room came to anabrupt stop. The four wallsfell over as if they were thewalls on a house of cards.They had arrived in themiddle of an emptybasketballcourt.Abasketball
rolledacrossthefloor.“Bringthemout,sweetie,”
Miss Information said to thefloatingorb.
Itspunaroundandclicked.Adooron the far sideof thegym opened, and a boywithtoadlike features and limp,greasy, shoulder-length hairwalked into the gym. Hisface, clothes, fingernails, andneck were filthy, and hesmelled like mildewed
towels.“This isRashMaver,” the
orbsaid.“Whilesomepeoplearewantedcriminals,Rashis‘unwanted’innearlyfourteenstates due to his lazyapproachtopersonalhygiene.He’s been banned in nearlyfiftymiddleschoolsandmorethan a few petting zoos. Hisupgrade allows him to directacloudofhisownstinktodohis bidding. We call him
Funk.”“‘Upgrade’?” Tessa asked
MissInformation.“It’s what gives him his
powers—tiny robots,darling.” Miss Informationpushed a button on theconsole and leaned into themicrophone.“Mr.Maver,canyou demonstrate yourabilities?”
A rancid green cloudseeped out of the boy’s
clothes.Itswirledaroundlikea poltergeist, giving off apungentodorlikethesmellofrotteneggsslippedintocrustygym socks soaked in spoiledmayonnaiseandbrownsugar.Funkgesturedwithhishandsand the gas formed differentshapes: a cannon firing at anearby wall, a snarling dog,andanenormous fist.Withaflick of his wrist, the mistliftedFunkoffthegroundandflew him around the gym’s
rafters.“That’stotallydisgusting,”
Tessasaid,gagging.“Isn’t he fun? Wait until
youmeetthenextone,”MissInformationsaid.
Another door swung openand a second boy steppedthrough.Thisonehadaheadof bright white hair and wasas skinny as a cornstalk.Hisfinger was buried up hisnostril all the way to the
knuckle.“This is Manson Cane,”
theorbsaid.“Asyoucansee,he’s fond of a peculiarpastime.Therearenoknownphotographs of him withouthisfingerinhisnose.”
Benjy beamed aholographicimageinfrontofthem. It was a photo ofManson as a baby. His tinynewbornfingerwasstuffedinhislittlebabynose.
“Charming,” Tessagrumbled.
“We call him SnotRocket,”MissInformation.
Snot Rocket leaped intoaction, pressing one fingeragainst his left nostril andblasting enormous globs ofmucus out the other. Therepulsiverocketscrashedintoa wall and exploded oncontact,demolishingthewall.Mucus missiles from the
other nostril allowed him tocreate elaborate structuresmade of snot.With a coupleof blasts, he created a flightof stairs to race up. A thirdhonk shot a phlegmy tendrilacross the room, where itstucklikeglue.Hesliddownthebooger rope like itwas azipline.
“I’mgoingtobarf!”Tessacried.
“Clench that belly tight,
Ms. Lipton. The next twomembers are just asobnoxious but not nearly asgross.”
Athirddooropenedandalarge girl wearing a princessdress and a sparkly tiaraappeared. Her pie-shapedface had a sour expressionandwasbrightred.
“This young lady isTammy Tots. She has a badreputationandanevenlouder
voice. She’s been tossed outof every library and movietheater on the East Coast. Ilike to call her Loudmouth,”Miss Information said as shehanded Tessa a pair ofearplugs.“You’llneedthese.”
When Tessa’s ears wereprotected, Miss Informationpressed the button on hermicrophone.
“Allright,Tammy.You’reup.”
Loudmouth opened herjawsaswideaspossible,andscreamed. What she wassaying was incoherent butrageful—something aboutwanting a kitten forChristmas and about a boynamed Larrywho laughed ather hands. A fierce windpoured from her mouth,ripping up the hardwoodfloor, tearing down thebackboard,andcollapsingthebleachers. Miss Information
couldn’t have been moreproud.
“Andfinally, Ipresent themuscle of our group—ThorHardwick.”
The fourth door in thearena didn’t get a chance toopen. Itwasblownapart.Asthe shattered pieces flew inevery direction, a boy as bigas a professional wrestler—over six feet tallwith a necklike a tree trunk—emerged.
His armsand feetwere threetimes the size of a normalperson’s and twice as long.His knuckles dragged on thefloorandsentupashowerofsparks as hewalked.He hadwhat looked like a flattophaircut until Tessa realizedthe top of his head wasactually flat. You could landahelicopteronit.
“That can’t be a child!”Tessa said. “Does he have a
beard?”“Thor comes from a long
line of lumberjacks and prowrestlers … and that’s justthe women in his family.He’s brutally strong andpsychoticallyviolent,toboot.I was going to give him acode name, but when yourparents name you Thor, youreally can’t do better thanthat.”
Thorpunchedawallandit
came down in a mightyexplosion. He smiled andtook a bow as if he’d justdone a magic trick. Then hegrabbedtherollingbasketballand popped it with onesqueeze.
Beneath her mask, MissInformation was beamingproudly. She had a greatteam, andTessawouldmakeit complete. Plus, Tessa wasexactly what she needed to
lure her enemies into theopen. And when they came,she would crush them likebugs.
“Tessa, I can give youpowerslikeIgavethem.”
Tessa cringed. “Just likethem?”
“Slightly less gross. Ihope,”MissInformationsaid.“I know you have yourdoubts, but no one has giventhese kids a chance in this
world. They need someonelikeyou—someonewithyourunique ability to motivate.Theyneedaleader.”
“I don’t want my dad togethurt.Ijustdon’twanthimtobepresidentanymore.”
“Understood.”“OK,I’min,”Tessasaid.
“Fantastic! Welcome tothe Brotherhood ofUnstoppable Liars, Lowlifes,and Intimidating Enemies of
Society!”“That’s what you want to
call us?” Tessa muttered.“Shouldn’t it be somethingscaryandintimidating?”
“HowaboutifwejustcallyoutheBULLIES?”
“The BULLIES,” Tessasaid,savoringthenamelikeaspoonfuloficecream.“Ilikeit.”
“Muffin?” MissInformation asked, offering
anothertreatfromhertray.This time Tessa picked a
muffinandtookabite.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:BREEZY
REALNAME:NIGELPUNJAB
YEARSACTIVE:2005–09
CURRENTOCCUPATION:OWNEROFNIGEL’S
HOUSEOFNICETIES
HISTORY:NIGEL’SFAMILYOWNEDA
VERYPOPULARINDIANRESTAURANT
SPECIALIZINGINSPICYDISHES
OFLENTILS,POTATOES,AND
CAULIFLOWER.SONIGELHAD
INTENSEANDOFTEN
FRIGHTENINGGASTRICISSUES.INFACT,THEBOY
WASSOGASSY,HEBARELYNEEDED
ANYNANOBYTESTOENHANCEAN
ALREADYPOWERFULPOOT.HEWASANINVALUABLEMEMBEROFTHETEAM,SINGLE-
HANDEDLYSTOPPINGTHEINFAMOUS
FLOWERPOWERCRIMINALRING.NIGELRETIREDSHORTLY
AFTERHISFAMILYCLOSED
THERESTAURANTAND
OPENEDAHALLMARKCARD
STORE.
UPGRADE:BREEZY’SUPGRADESTURNEDHISALREADY
FORMIDABLEFARTSINTOHOUSE-LEVELINGBLASTSOFWINDANDSTINK.
MANYOFHISFARTSWERECAPABLE
OFREACHINGANF2LEVELONTHE
NATIONALWEATHERSERVICE’S
TORNADORATING.
Ruby woke the nextmorning with her parentsand baby brother hoveringover her bed. They looked
sweaty and nervous. EvenTruman the dog lookedanxious. He buried his furryheadunderherblanket.
“They’rehere,”hermotherwhispered. She lookedterrified.
Ruby could hear someonepoundingonthefrontdoor.
“Who?”“Our family,” she said.
Herfatherpressedafingertohis lips. “Be quiet. They’ll
hearyouandcomeafterus.”“They’re early! I haven’t
finished the bathroomschedule or color-coded thesnacks!”Rubywhispered.
“They took us bysurprise.” Her father wasactually whimpering. Hispanickedeyesdartedfromthedoortoherwindows.
Ruby heard someoneknockingonthebackdoor.
“Just stay quiet, and
maybe they’ll go away andcomebacklater,”hesaid.
Without warning, a mobappeared outside Ruby’swindow and gaped at herfamily. They smiled andlaughed and tapped on theglass.
“Surprise!”theycried.Ruby’s mother cringed
andopenedthewindow.“You’reearly,”shesaid.“Wecouldn’tstandtowait
another second,” saidGrandmaRose.
“Oh, Ruby, you’re sogrownup!”saidAuntSuzi.
“Hey, Rubester! Whatgradeareyouinnow?”UncleKevinshouted.
“Sarah, you look likeyou’veputonsomeweight.”
“I hope whatever we’reeatingtonightiskosher.”
“Can we come inside? Igottausethecan.”
“Ihavetogetoutof theseshoes.”
“I call the bathroom forthenexthalfhour.”
“Sarah, I noticed aChristmastreeinthewindowbutnotamenorah.”
Aunt Laura poked herhead through the window.“Francis, youare celebratingChristmas, right? It’snot justthe candles and the littlewoodentopsthisyear?”
“Laura, they’re calleddreidels,”Ruby’s father said.“And yes, we celebrateChristmas.We also celebrateHanukkah.”
“Of course you celebrateHanukkah!” Grandpa Saulchimed in. “Who needs aholiday that is only one daylong? Hanukkah lasts eightdays! It’s simplemath.Morepresents,right?”
“Yes, every kid in the
worlddreamsofahandfulofstale chocolate coins,” AuntSuzisaid.
“All right, let’s not startthe Battle of the BestHoliday. You’ve only beenhere five minutes,” Sarahsaid.
“Technically, we’re nothere until you let us inside,”saidCousinFinn.
Ruby’s family shared abrief but conspiratorial look
thatsaid,Wecould justclosethe window and go back tobed,butthenSarahflinched.
“Of course. Come aroundtothefrontdoorandwe’llletyouin,”shesaid.
“Traitor,”Rubygrumbled.“At least you get to go to
school,” Sarah said. “Yourfather and I took the day offtogeteverythingready.Nowwe’restuck.”
“We all need to work
together. Mom, call the delion Hamilton and get somebagels and lox over here forbreakfast.Whenyou’redone,startpouringcoffeeandjuice.Dad, I need you on pancakeduty.”
“OK.Where’sthebatter?”“The cabinet over the
stove, second shelf, next tothe flour. Blueberries are inthe crisper, bottom shelf ofthe refrigerator. Syrup is in
the condiment caddy on thedoor.Ifyougetlost,therearecharts posted everywhere, oryou can check the familyguide I made that’s attachedto a chain swinging from akitchen table leg. I’m ontoilet paper duty. If GrandpaSaul called dibs on thebathroom, we need to beprepared. Truman and Noah,you’vegotthetoughestjobofall—you have to be cute.Turn on the adorable, and
maybe everyone will forgethow much they can’t standoneanother.Anyquestions?”
Little Noah burped.“Gooby-moo-moo.”
Ruby clapped her hands.“Good. Team Peet—let’s dothis!”
Ruby’s family sprang intoaction.
Soon the members of herextended family were filinginto the house like clowns
stepping out of a tiny car.Whenhats,coats,gloves,andgaloshes were taken, hugs,kisses, and pats on the backdelivered, and updates oneveryone’s bad knees, agita,andhighbloodpressurewereannounced, the family easedinto a slightly tensecamaraderie fueled by food.Ruby had learned the hardway that these two, loud,obnoxious clans were a loteasier to manage when they
hadsnacksintheirmouths.According to her parents,
thetenserelationshipbetweenSarah’sandFrancis’sfamilieshad started right away. ForSarahandFrancis,itwasloveat first sight; but for theirfamilies, it was a nightmareof biblical proportions.Francis was a Boston-bornProtestant raised by a hugefamily of big, strapping folkwholovedtoeat,shoutabout
theRed Sox, and arguewithone another in a way mostpeoplemightfindthreateningbut that they referred to as“chatting.” Sarah’s familywas Jewish and from LongIsland, New York. Theirloudness rivaled that of thePeet family, plus they weredie-hard Yankees fans andclaimed to be freezing nomatter what temperature thethermostat was set at. Sarahand Francis tried to
accommodate everyone witha Christmas tree and amenorah, but each yearsomeone would saysomething that offendedsomeone else and all theholidaycheerwouldturnintoaholidayfight.
“Why was Ruby still inbedwhenweshowedup?Thesun has been out for fifteenminutes,” Grandpa Tomgrumbled.“WhenIwasakid,
itwasmyjobtowakeuptheroosters so theywould crow.She’swastingtheday.”
“Ruby has a lot of thingson her plate at school,” herfather explained. “She needsalltherestshecanget.”
“Toomanyextracurricularactivities aren’t good. Let akid be a kid, I always say,”saidUncleKevin.
Cousin Leaf chuckled. “Iknowwhatshe’sdoingupso
late.She’swritingloveletterstoboys.”
“Don’t tease her, Leaf,”Aunt Denise said, taking thebaby from Sarah. “Look atthisbeautifulboy.”Yes, do your job, Noah.
Take the attention off me,please,thoughtRuby.
There was a knock at thedoor and she heard UncleEddieshoutthathe’dgetit.Amoment later he returned.
“There’s a man here to seeRuby.”
“Me?Whoisit?”“He says he’s your
principal,” Uncle Eddiereplied. “Are you in trouble,kid?”
“Ruby?” her father askedsuspiciously.
“Um, no, he’s just verydedicated,” Ruby lied as shesnatched her coat. “It’sprobably about the winter
dance.Hewantsmetobeonthedecoratingcommittee.”
Moments later, she wasoutside on the front step,talking to the principal. Acurious relative’s facepeeredout of every window of herhome.
“Looks like you’ve got afull house today, huh?” theprincipal said, staring at thepryingeyes.
“Jewishmother,Protestant
father—all of Israel andEngland is here,” Rubyexplained.
“It’s hard to believe theygetalong,”theprincipalsaid.
“Really hard to believebecause they don’t. So …what’s going on?” Rubyasked, cutting to the chase.“IstherenewsonTessa?”
“No,notapeep.”“Then why not use the
com-link?”
“Because I didn’t wantanyoneelse tohearwhat I’mgoing to tell you.Wehave ahuge problem,” the principalsaid. “I think we’re about tobeexposed.”
“Exposed?Bywhom?”“Savage,”hesaid.“Igota
call on the secure line. Hetold the president about theteam.Notabouttheupgrades—not yet—but the big guyknowsweexist.”
The news felt like a blowto her belly. “What are wegoingtodo?”
“Idon’tknow.That’swhywe’re going to talk toAlexanderBrand.”
“Areyougoingtoaskhimtocomeback?”
“No,” the principal said.“He won’t. But I think he’llbeabletotellmewhattodo.”
Ruby felt a little guiltyleaving her folks alone with
the mob they called family,but not that guilty. Shegrabbed her things, pulled ahat over her head, andclimbed into the principal’sJeep.Soon,theyweredrivingsouthwest along a scenichighwaylinedwithsnowyfirtrees. After an hour, theyturned onto an old countryroadthatrannexttoacrystallake and then past tiny littlecottages with ribbons ofsmoke escaping from their
chimneys. The farther theydrove, the more breathtakingthe scenery. Ruby felt likethey had entered a beautifulpainting.
Thencamemoreturnsthatforced them to make a fewstops and reroutes.Ruby andthe principal were ready togive up when they suddenlystumbled upon a mailboxhiddenbehinda thornybush.The principal stopped the
Jeep,gotout,andshoved thebranches aside. The mailboxhadanamepaintedinred:A.BRAND.
They drove up theovergrown driveway pathmadefromyearsoftiretracksandcoastedbeneathacanopyof leafless trees until a tinylog cabin appeared on theshoreof the lake.Assoonasthe principal cut the Jeep’sengine, he and Ruby’s
eardrums were assaulted bywhatsoundedlikethepainfuldeath throes of a very largeanimal.
“What is that?” Rubyasked.
The principal shrugged.“Couldbeanything.Amoose… a bear. We should becareful. The most dangerousanimal is the one that’sdying.”
Thetwospiescreptaround
the corner of the house andimmediately spotted thesource of the noise. At theendofalongdocksatalonefigure who appeared to bestrangling a cat. Ruby tookoffherglassesandwipedthesmudges off the lenses, thenslippedthembackontogetabetterlook.Shecouldseetheman was not hurting ananimal but rather playing anoboe—badly. When he blewon the woodwind’s reed, it
emitted a sound like a duckexplodinginsideakazoo.Hisscreeches terrified the lakebirds, who flew away,panicked.
“Um…,” Ruby said, at aloss for words to describewhatshewasseeing.
“A broken heart can dostrange things to aman,” theprincipal explained. “Brandtook Lisa’s betrayalparticularly hard. He had
somelosswhenhewasakid—his brother was killed intheairforce,andhe’dbuiltalotofwallsaroundhimself.Isuspect the librarian waschippingawayatthembeforeshewentnuts.”
“Idon’tthinkMs.Holidaywastheonlyonetogonuts,”Ruby said as another notesouredtheair.
They walked across thelawn,pastthehouse,andonto
the dock, where they stoodwaiting forBrand’s atrociousconcerttoend.Whenthelastjagged note was played, theformerherosethisinstrumentdown on his lap as if itsweight was more than hecouldbear.
“How did you find me?”he said without turning tofacethem.
“We’re spies,” Ruby said.“ButIsuspectwecouldhave
just asked who was out heretorturingagoose.”
Brand growled and turnedinhischair.“Theoboeis thedignified gentleman of thewoodwindinstruments!”
His face was thin andcoveredinalong,rattybeardfilledwithflecksoffoodanddead leaves, and his onceperfectly coiffed hair waslong and greasy. He wore afilthy shirt spattered with
stains,andhesmelledlikeanold catcher’s mitt left out intherain.
“I’mtryingtoteachmyselftoplay,”Brandsaid.“It’snotsomething you pick upovernight.”
“How longhaveyoubeentrying to teachyourself?” theprincipalasked.
“Onandoff?Tenyears.”Brand picked up his
instrument and blasted
another ragged note into theair.Somewhere,abearroaredangrily.
“Weneed to talk to you,”Rubysaid.
“No.”“No?”“Towhateveryouwant to
ask,”hesaid.“Shouldn’t you let us ask
the question first?” theprincipalsaid.
“No.”
Ruby scratched her belly.She was allergic tostubbornness.
“Alex, we are barelysurviving,”theprincipalsaid.“Savage is about to tell thepresidentoursecrets,thekidshaven’t been in a classroomin months, and your ex-girlfriend is kicking ourbehinds. Every day, fivetwelve-year-old kids have tostopanotherend-of-the-world
scenario. They’ve beendependingon luckmore thanthey should, and yesterdaythe luck ran out. Lisakidnapped the president’sdaughter.”
“She’ll bring Tessa backonce she realizeswhat abratsheis.Servesherright.”
“What do I do aboutSavage?”theprincipalasked.
“Preparefortheworst.”“He’dlistentoyou.”
“Isaidno.”Rubysteppedforward.“So
you’ll let old bullet-head tellthe government about us?You know what that means,right?”
“Iftheycome,run,”Brandsaid. “Destroy thePlayground.Theself-destructpassword is ‘MaxwellSmart.’”
“You’re also turning yourbackonMs.Holiday!”
BrandturnedtofaceRuby.Hiseyeswerefullofanguish.
“Ms. Holiday is sick,”Rubysaid,hervoiceshaking.“She must still be infectedwiththevillainvirus,andyouwalked away from her. Sheneedsyourhelp!”
Brand shook his head.“Ms.Holidayisnotsufferingfrom any virus. She wasspyingonus.”
“That’snottrue!”
“Yes, it is, Ruby,” Brandsaid.“Whenshewentrogue,Iwanted to believe that shewas sick or beingmanipulated.Butwesearchedher house. We found fifteendifferent passports, sevendifferent birth certificates,and detailed notes on thePlayground, you kids, andme. The Lisa Holiday weknow is really ViktoriyaDeprankova of Novosibirsk,Siberia.She’sthedaughterof
exiled political activists.When she was fifteen, sherobbed her parents, stole acar, and drove it cross-country with a professionalthug named Lars Corsica.They got married, but whenthey were arrested for thestolen car, Lars told theRussian police his bride wasresponsible for a dozencrimes he had actuallycommitted. Viktoriya wassentenced to fifteen years in
prison. After the verdict, shewasapproachedbyamemberof theRussian secret service,whoofferedherawayoutofjail—she could become aspy.”
“You’re saying she was adoubleagent?”Rubysaid.
“They trained her to beone of us. She learnedEnglish,wenttocollege,wasevenacheerleader,andthenalibrarian—as American asapplepie.”
“But I thought we weregetting along with theRussians,”Rubysaid.
“Weare,butoldhabitsdiehard,”theprincipalsaid.“I’m
sure we have deep-coverspiesintheircountry,too.”
“Regardless, she wasn’treal and neither was ourrelationship,” Brand said.“Everything was a lie and Iwas too stupid to see it.That’swhyIcan’thelpyou.Ican’t trust my instinctsanymore.”
“Did you know this?”Rubyaskedtheprincipal.
Theprincipalnodded.
“OK,soshe’sabadguy,”Ruby said. “That’s anothergood reason to help us. Youcan’t just run off to somecabin and grow a hipsterbeard and go whah! whah!whah!onyourstupidoboe!”
“I’m not going to belectured by someone whosebiggest problem is whetherhermomisgoingtogethertosoccerpracticeontime.”
Brand turned back to the
lake. Ruby couldn’t believeit, but the bravest man shehad ever known had throwninthetowel.
Frustrated, she marchedbacktotheJeep.
“Well, that’s that,” theprincipal said when he gotinto the driver’s seat. Hestarted the engine and droveback down the overgrowndriveway.
On the drive back, Ruby
gazed out at the countrysideand rubbed her swollen feet.She was allergic todisappointment.
Tessa followed MissInformation through thehallsofherhugeundergroundlairuntiltheyreachedathick
steel door labeled UPGRADEROOM. She watched her newboss place her hands on agreenglassscreennexttothedoor.Theglassflashed,andamoment later the door slidopen.
The roomwas completelyempty except for a silverpodium.
“What’sthisthing?”Tessaasked.
“This is where the magic
happens,andthat’sthemagicwand,” Miss Informationsaid.
She pressed a blue buttonon the podium. Red laserlightsdancedacrossthewallsand swarmed over Tessa’sbodylikebeesonaflower.
“What’s going on?” sheasked.
Miss Information grinned.“You’re being scanned foryourbiggeststrength.”
“STRENGTHDETECTED SUBJECT ISTWO-FACED,” a voicesaid.
“Hey!” Tessa cried. “Isthissomekindofjoke?”
The robotic voice ignoredher. “SUBJECT TAKESGREAT PLEASURE INDECEPTIONSUBJECTISA BACKSTABBERSUBJECT IS ACHAMELEON SUBJECT
NEEDS MORE THANONE FACE SUBJECTNEEDS MANY FACESPREPARE FORUPGRADE.”
“Here we go,” MissInformation said. “I’m goingto stepout andmonitor fromthehall.”
“Wait!I—”But the woman was
alreadythroughthedoor.An observation panel
openedinthewall,andTessacouldseehernewbossinherbizarre mask waving to herlike Tessa was about to rideherfirstrollercoaster.
“INITIATEUPGRADE?”
The question repeateditselfoverandover,butTessacouldnotanswer.
“If you want to do this,you need to say the wordbegin,” Ms. Holiday
instructed. Her voice camethrough a speaker mountedonthewall.
“WhatifIdon’twantto?”“There’s nothing toworry
about, Tessa!” MissInformation said. “This isgoing to help you get yourdaddyback.”
“INITIATEUPGRADE?”
The woman could be anutcase. Or this could be an
elaborate revenge from thedirector of the CIA; he wasstill mad about that wedgieshegavehim.But…what ifthis was real? What if thiswoman was really offeringTessa her greatestwish? Shemight look like a fool later,butitwasworththerisk.
“Yes,begin!”Tessacried.Tubes attached to dozens
of fearsome tools droppedfromtheceilingandwrapped
themselves around her body.Shewasyankedoff the floorand held aloft like a flycaughtinaspiderweb.
“Um, is this normal?”Tessaasked.
MissInformationgavehera thumbs-up through thewindow.
Several large hypodermicneedlessprungfromtheendsof the tubes, which moveddangerously close to Tessa’s
neck. “I’ve changed mymind. I don’t want to dothis!”shesaid.
“Ruby,please,calmdown.This will be over soon, andafterwards we’ll go out forfrozen yogurt. Do you likefrozen yogurt? What a sillyquestion. Everyone lovesfrozenyogurt!”
“My name is Tessa,” sheshouted.
“Of course it is,” Miss
Informationsaid.Sheseemeddazed. “What did I just callyou?”
“Ruby,”Tessasaid.The woman clamped her
hands on her head andbuckledoverasifhitwiththeworst headache anyone hadever experienced. Tessawatchedher fall toherkneesandcryout.
One of the needles wentinto the side of Tessa’s
temple, and she felt like herheadwasonfire.Astheroomturned black, she heard hernew boss say, “This partmight hurt a little. Just keepthinking about that yogurt,sweetheart.”
Tessa didn’t know how longshe’d been asleep—a day?Maybe two? All she knewwas that when she woke up,she felt different. Her skin
felttinglyandalive.Itwasasif every pore was suddenlyawareofitsownexistence.Itfelt very good, but it scaredher, too. What had thatmachinedonetoher?
Miss Information bargedinto the room. “Wakey,wakey! Let’s give thesesuperpowers a test-drive!”shesaid.
Tessasatupandnarrowedher eyes at thewoman.Who
was behind thatmask?Whatdid this woman really looklike?Whatwasshehiding?
Miss Information pulledTessatoherfeetanddraggedhertoamirror.“Let’sseeyoudoit.”
“Dowhat?”“The thing! The power!
Withyourface!”“I don’t know what that
machine did to me, and Icertainly don’t know how to
doanything,”Tessasnapped.“Geez, do I have to do
everything around here?”Miss Informationcried.Withlightning-fast hands, shereached over and pulled onTessa’snose.
“Hey!”Tessacried.“Whatareyou, sevenyearsold?Goplay Got Your Nose withsomeoneelse!”
Miss Information pointedatthemirror.“Look.”
Tessa screamed. Loudly.Hernosewasnowwhereherchinusedtobe!
“Crazy, huh?” MissInformation said. She stoodover Tessa’s shoulder,marveling at the grotesquechange. “I read the data onyour nanobytes. Those littlerobots let you manipulateyour face anyway you want.You can actually sculpt yourskintolooklikeotherpeople,
too.Tryit!”“Who?”“Who cares? Just pick
someone!”Tessa closed her eyes and
thought about the people inherlife.Thenherhandswenttowork, twistingand turningher features as if they werePlay-Doh.Hernose,lips,skin—even her eyeballs—wereall soft and pliable, and,oddly enough, all the pulling
and twisting didn’t hurt.Whenshewasdone,shetookastepbackandlookedinthemirror.Hermathteacher,Mr.Donaldson, stared back ather. His beady eyes andscowlingmouthwere perfectmatches.Sheevenduplicatedhis famous curled lip ofcontemptandthesingleever-present nose hair that wavedlike a flag from his rightnostril.
Shescreamedagain.“That’s amazing, Tessa!”
Ms. Holiday said. “Trysomeoneelse.”
She did as she was told,filled with both dread andcuriosity.Inquicksuccessionshe turnedherself intoSecretService Agent DanHolbrooke, Holly the WhiteHousechef,andevenGeorgeWashington from the portraitthathung in theOvalOffice.Her nanobytes wereincredible.Notonlyhad theyturnedherfaceintoclay,theyallowed her to adapt her eye
color,skintone,andevenhaircolor.
Miss Information clappedhappily. “With a littlepracticeyoushouldbeabletodoyourwholebody.Youcanchange your height andweight—why, you mighteven be able to reproducesmells.”
A few quick twists andTessa had her old face back.“Um,I’mgoingtopass.”
“What?Bestpowerever!”MissInformationcried.
“It’s disgusting. I wantsomethingelse.”
“The upgrade machinetakes your greatest strengthandmakesitstronger.Thisisperfectforyou!Don’ttellmeyou wanted to fly orsomethingdumblikethat?”
“Flying wouldn’t be sobad.”
“Yeah, freezing to death
while bugs fly into yourmouth,” the woman said.“That’s horrible. Any kidwith an egg can knock youout of the sky. Tessa, withyour faceyoucanbe anyoneyouwant tobe.Thinkof thetrouble you can cause! Youcould rob a bank bypretending to be the branchmanager. You could steal ajet by changing your face tolooklikethepilot!”
“How is this going to getmydad’sattention?”
“Imagine what you coulddo if you were the presidentoftheUnitedStates.”
Tessalookedinthemirrorand twistedher featuresuntilshe looked just like herfather. A million naughtyideas floated into her head.She could stop him frombeing reelected, and thenshe’dhavehimalltoherself.
“I see you’re getting it,”Miss Information said,giggling. She clamped abracelet onto Tessa’s wristandsnappeditclosed.“Whileyou were out I had thescience team build thishologram machine. It willprojectanysetofclothesyoucan imagine onto your bodyand totally help sell yourtransformations. Now, yousaid you wanted to get yourdad’s attention, right? Let’s
getstarted.”“Now?”“There’s no time like the
present,” Miss Informationsaid as she led Tessa out ofherroomandthroughamazeof hallways. They emergedinto a space as big as aprivate plane hangar, butthere were no planes parkedinside, just a rusty yellowschool bus. Standing in frontof it was her team—the
BULLIES. She looked themup and down and couldn’thelp frowning. These kidswere the biggest bunch ofmisfitsshe’deverseen.
“Ta-da!”MissInformationsaid. “I call it ‘The SchoolBus.’”
“It isaschoolbus,”Tessasaid.
“Not exactly,” MissInformation replied. Sheclicked a button on her key
chain and the wheels foldedupward replaced by rockets.Soon, the ancient bucket ofrustwashoveringfivefeetofftheground.
Tessa shrugged. “It’s gotpotential.”
“There’smore!BULLIES,hop on board,” MissInformationsaid.
The children boarded thebus one by one. A strangeman sat behind the steering
wheel.Hewasamountainofmuscles with crazy whitehair,awidechin,adeadeye,anda silverhook forahand.He was also wearing whiteorthopedicshoesandasmockwithbrightblueflowersonit.
“Kids, this is the lunchlady.”
“Lunch lady? He’s a busdriver wearing a muumuu,”Loudmouthshouted.
“He’s not a lady, either,”
Funksaid.“Actually,myname is the
Antagonist,but—”“YOU’RE THE LUNCH
LADY!” Miss Informationroared. “DON’TMAKEMEREGRET BREAKINGYOUOUT OF FEDERALPRISON, PAL. I CAN PUTYOU BACK THERE IN AFLASH.YOUGOTIT?”
The man with the hookloweredhisheadandnodded.
“Igotit,”hesaidquietly.Tessa watched the
woman’s outburst withconcern.Thiswasthesecondunpredictable rant she’dwitnessed. Miss Informationwas obviouslymentally ill—people didn’t wear maskswith skulls on them becausethey were healthy—but justhow crazy was she? Amoment later she found out.Her new boss sat in a center
seat next to a scarecrowwearing a black tuxedo. Shecuddled up to it as if itwereherboyfriend.
“This is so awkward,”Miss Information said in aconspiratorialtone.
“What?”Tessasaid,tryingto pretend everything wasfine.
“ThelunchladyandIusedtobeengaged.That’sbeforeImet Alex here,” she said,
caressing the straw man’shay-filledface.
“Where to?” the lunchladyshouted.
“We’re going to Tessa’shouse—1600 PennsylvaniaAvenue. You might haveheard of it. It’s called theWhiteHouse.”
Tessaswallowedhard.Hergreatestwisheswereabouttocometrue,andsheoweditallto a lunatic in a mask
smooching a scarecrow. Shesuddenlyfeltverynauseous.
When Ruby and theprincipalgotback toschool,theywererushedonboardtheSchoolBus.Theplatformthe
superjetwasrestinguponwasalready rising through thegym floor before either ofthem was given a clue as tothenatureoftheemergency.
“Does anyonewant to tellme where we’re going?” theprincipal said as the rocketshotthroughtheopenceiling.“So I know where to steerthisthing?”
“Put in coordinates forLake Mead, Nevada,”
Matildasaid.“We’regoingtothe Hoover Dam. And itwouldn’thurttofloorit.”
“What’s happening at theHooverDam?”Rubyasked.
“Robot destruction!”Flinch bellowed whilebeatingonhischest.
“I suppose we can blamethem on Miss Information?”Rubyasked.
“Take a look for yourself.Our surveillance teamcaught
this fifteen minutes ago,”Duncan said. He typedsomething on the missiondeck keyboard, and in themonitors Ruby saw menunloading heavy woodencratesfromatruckparkedona dusty road near a lake.Whentheyopenedoneofthecrates, something from ascience fictionmoviehoppedout.Itwasaboutthesizeofasheepdog but strutted aroundontwochicken-likehindlegs.
Its head was oval and blackwith a white skull pattern. Itshrieked, flew twenty feetintotheaironmetallicwings,then fell back to the groundwithathud.
“Chickenbots,” Duncansaid. “There’s ten of them,and they’re marching towardthedam.”
“Threeminutes,kids,” theprincipal shouted from thecockpit.
“You better suit up,”Duncan said to Ruby. Hehanded her a duffle bag fullofblackclothing.
Matilda opened therocket’s hatch and the windblastedintothecabin.
Ruby peered out into thegreat blue oblivion as shepulledtheflightsuitoverherschoolclothes.
“Um, aren’t we forgettingsomething very important…
likeparachutes?”“If you pull the cord on
your waist, you’ll releasesomething better—wings!”Duncan shouted over thenoise.
“Wings?”Rubycried.Duncan sighed. “Folks,
we’re all given instructionmanuals for this stuff. Am Ithe only one who readsthem?”
Jacksonnodded.“Yes,you
are.”“ThisistheALZ-14Aerial
Assault Flight Suit.You pullthe cord and two wings willextend from your shoulders,turning you into a humanbird.”
“One minute!” theprincipal cried from thecockpit.
“And don’t forget theelectromagnetic-pulsegloves,” Duncan said as he
extendedhishandtopointouthisspecialglove.Itwasblackand covered in thin, silverwires that connected to a reddiskonthepalm.Rubyknewwhat an electromagneticpulsecoulddo toelectronics.One blast and those robotswouldstopworking.
“All right, kids! We’reoverthetarget!”theprincipalshouted.
Flinch slurped down one
very long red licorice ropelike a little kid might eat astrand of spaghetti. “Fightrobots! Aggghhhooo!” hecried as he leaped out of therocket.
SoonRuby and the otherswere plummeting towardearth at skin-stretchingspeeds. Below her, andgettingbigger by the second,was theHooverDam,oneofthe most impressive
structures ever built byhuman hands. A long timeago, when Ruby actuallywent to classes, she hadwritten a report on it. It wasbuiltbetween1931and1936during the Great Depression,anditprovidedelectricityforcities hundreds of milesaway. It was 660 feet wide,stoodmorethan726feettall,and held back 9.2 trilliongallons of water. It was somassive that some said an
asteroid might not eventopple it. If Ruby knew howtough the dam was, MissInformation would certainlyhave to know. She was alibrarian, after all. Even ifthesechickenbotsmanagedtodestroy it, the nearest bigtown was 125 miles away,which meant it wasn’t animminent threat to anyone’ssafety. So what was MissInformation’splan?
Whentheywereaquarter-mile over the dam, Rubycould squint and see tiny redexplosions on the surface ofthe dam’s wall. She guessedthe robots were already hardat work on their task. Shechecked her EMP glove tomakesureitwaspoweredandthensqueezedhernose.
“All right, Duncan, I’mreadytoturnintoBigBird.”
Duncan giggled. Gadgets
always made him happy.Explaining how they workedwas as fun asDisneyWorld.“Doyourbest to leveloutofa nosedive. You want to beparallel with the horizonwhenyoulaunchthewings.”
Rubyandtheothersdidastheyweretold.
“Now, pull the rip cordand the wings will extend.Once they unfold, your fallwillslow,andropeswilldrop
fromeachwing.Grabthemtohelpyousteer.Justremembertwothings:One,don’tgettooclose to theground,and two,don’t get too close to thedam.”“Splat!”Flinchcried.“Splat,”Duncansaid.“Allright,hereIgo.”With
the wind slamming into herstomach, Ruby pulled thecord and felt the wingsunfold. Her fall came to an
abrupt stop. She found theropesDuncanmentioned andsnatched them both. At first,the slightest pull sent herflailing, but she quicklylearned how to make subtleadjustments. She could fly!With a slight tug to the rightshe soared along the dam,approachedoneoftherobots,and aimed her glove. It firedwithascreech.Unfortunately,she missed, and the skull-facedrobotwasundamaged.
“Fudge!” she growled,steering back for anotherpass. This time she pulledclosertogetabettershot,butas she approached, her targetturnedandblastedastreamoffire directly at her. Shenarrowly avoided getting abarbecuedfaceandhadtopatout a small fire on her leg.Worse,shemissedhersecondshot.
“Gluestick, this is a lot
harder than you described,”shesaidoverthecom-link.
“I agree,” Flinch said. “Igave up and went old-school.”
Ruby scanned the sky forthe hyper hero. She foundhimdive-bombingoneof therobots.Hewallopeditwithapowerpunchand it explodedin a blast of fire and steel.What was left fell into theriverbelow.
“Thewingsweregettinginmy way, too,” Matilda said,rushing pastRuby, fueled byher rocket-powered inhalers.Whenshegotclosetooneofthe robots, she destroyed itwithafieryblast.
“C’mon, Pufferfish.You’re missing all the fun,”Braceface said. Two longtentacles made from hisorthodonticimplantsemergedfrom his mouth, snatched a
couple ofMiss Information’srobots, and smashed themtogether. They crumbled andjoinedtheothersintheriver.
“This is too easy,”Gluestick said, soaring pastRuby and firing his EMPdevice at one of the robots.Therewasnoexplosion.Withall its internal electronicsfried, it just fell off the wallandintothewater.
“You better hurry while
there’sone left,”Flinch said,kickinganotherrobotsohardthat it slammed into the sideofthedamandexploded.
Rubypulledonthewings’ropestoheadbacktowardthemetallic fiends. When shewas close, she raised herEMP glove and fired. Therobot turned its head to blasther, but this time shedelivered an exact hit and itfrozewitha jerk.Thenit fell
off thedamand tumbledendover end into the waterbelow.
“Only three left, people,”Rubysaid.
“Thiswashardlyworththetrip,” Matilda said, aimingher inhaler at one of theremaining robots.A hot blueflame came out of it andmelted a hole in the robot’sskull-painted head. Itexplodedliketheothers.
Rubyagreed.Thiswastooeasy. The chickenbots werebarelyhurtingthedamwallatall, and aside from theflamethrowing they weren’tputting up much of a fight.NotallofMissInformation’sschemes were brilliant, butthis one seemed downrightdumb.
“Uh-oh,”Gluesticksaid.“What’s ‘Uh-oh’?” Ruby
asked.“Ihate‘Uh-oh.’”
“They’re doingsomething,”Flinchsaid.
Ruby looked at the threeremaining robots. Their eyeshad turned red, and a loud,pulsing beat came fromwithin their metal chests. Itsoundedlikeacountdown.
Suddenly, Ruby’s fingersfelt swollen and her neckitched like crazy. She wasallergic to bombs, and evenmore allergic to getting
caughtinanexplosion.“Everyone!” she cried.
“Go!” But she was too late.The three remainingchickenbots exploded at thesame time. Ruby and theother agents were thrownbackward. Her wings wereshredded, making itimpossible to stay airborne.She crashed into the cold,churning river below.As shesank deep into the water’s
darkness, struggling to holdher breath, she unfastenedwhatwasleftofherflightsuitand swamwith all hermighttoward the dim light aboveher. She broke the surfaceand gasped for air, and sawall of her teammates doingthesame.
“Is everyone OK?” Rubygasped.
“It was some kind ofconcussion bomb,” Gluestick
said. “Look, it didn’t evenhurtthedam.”
Ruby turned and eyed thesurfacewhere the robots hadonceclung.Allthatremainedwasacharredstain.
“This doesn’t make anysense,” she said. “What kindof lousy diabolical plan wasthat?”
Suddenly, all five of theNERDS sneezed. The com-linkwas open andHeathcliff
waswaiting.“Guys, we need you back
here pronto,” he said.“There’stroubleat theWhiteHouse.”
“Howmuchmoneydoyouwant to put on it beingMissInformation?”Jacksonasked.
“These stupid robotswerejust to keep us busy,” Rubysaid.“Shewantedusfarawayfrom Washington, D.C., andwe fell for it. Heathcliff, tell
the principal to pick us uppronto. We’re going to kicksome serious supervillainbutt.”
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:MOUSE
REALNAME:ABRAHAMSHRIVELYEARSACTIVE:
1990–95CURRENT
OCCUPATION:PROFESSIONAL
WRESTLER
HISTORY:ABRAHAMWASSMALLFOR
HISAGE.BYTHETIMEHEWAS
TEN,HEWASSTILLONLYTHREE
FEETTALL.INTHEFOURTHGRADE,
HESPENTNEARLYFIVEMONTHS
BURIEDBENEATHHIS
CLASSMATES’COATS.BECOMINGA
MEMBEROFNERDSINCREASEDHIS
CONFIDENCETENFOLD,ANDHECAN
NOWBESEENWRESTLING
FORTHEWWEAS“THE
STUD.”
UPGRADE:ABRAHAM’SUPGRADES
CHANGEDHISCELLULAR
STRUCTURESOTHATHECOULD
SHRINKTOANYSIZE—EVEN
MICROSCOPIC.BEINGABLETOSLIP
UNDERANYDOOR,INTOANYSAFE
LOCK,ORTHROUGHA
KEYHOLEMADEHIMANINVALUABLE
AGENT.
“Kids, if you’re going tocause a ruckus, start with agrand entrance,” MissInformation said as the
SchoolBusslammedthroughthe cast-iron fence thatsurrounded theWhiteHouse.The bus tore across the lawnbefore skidding to a halt bythefrontdoor.
“Are you nuts?” SnotRocket shouted as he peeredout the window. “That’s theWhite House! There will beguardseverywhere.Oh,look,heretheycomenow.”
Miss Information peeked
outherwindow.SnotRocketwas right. Secret Serviceagents in dark suits werecrawling out of every nookandcranny.Theywerejoinedby a company of soldiers allcarrying large weapons. Thebus was surrounded withinseconds.
“What were youthinking?” Loudmouthbellowed.
“I was thinking we’d try
your powers out,” MissInformationsaid.“Andfulfilla promise to Tessa at thesame time. This is going tocause her dad all kinds ofhassle.”
“Couldn’twe have startedoff with a shopping mall oran old folks’ home?” Funkasked. “We need practicebeforewedosomethingcrazylikethis.”
SnotRocketdughisfinger
into his nose. “We’re allgoingtojail.They’regoingtothrow us in a dark hole andneverletusout.”
“No one is going to jail,silly,”Miss Information said.“Look at those guards.They’re just regular people.Now look at yourselves.You’re experienced bullieswith unstoppablesuperpowers. You’remachines of chaos! Besides,
it’snotlikeyouhaven’tdonethis before. You guys havebeenateamforyears.”
Tessa turned to face her.“Thisisourfirsttime.”
Miss Information felt likesomeone had unleashed ahive of angry hornets insideher head. She thought shemightbarfandhadtoholdonto the seat in front of her tomakesureshedidn’tpassout.It’swhathappenedwhenshe
got confused, and lately, shewasconfusedalot.Ofcourse,she knew Tessa was right.Thiswas theBULLIES’ firstmission. But her memorieskeptgettingjumbledwiththewild, unsettling dreams shehadatnight,whereshewasalibrarianwho helped a groupof kids save the world. Shewas in lovewith amanwhohad amazing hair, and shewore an awful lot ofcardigans. But those kids in
her dreams were her worstnightmare in the real world.They called themselvesNERDSandwereresponsiblefor ruining all of her plans.Why was she confusing thetwo? Was there somethingwrongwithher?
“OK, Tessa ‘Code Nameto Be Decided’ Lipton.What’s theplan?” she asked,forcing the fog from hermind.
The girl blinked back ather.
“Tessa, this is your show.Whatdoyouthinkweshoulddo to get your daddy’sattention?”
She stared blankly at theWhiteHouse.
“Tessa, a good leader cancomeupwithawinningplannomatter what the situation.We’re here and we’resurrounded. What should we
do?”“Um…”Miss Information tried to
be patient with her. Shewasprobably just suffering fromfirst-timesupervillainjitters.
“OK, listen up.As as youcan see, we’re surrounded,”Miss Information continued.“Ifwe try togetoff thisbus,they will arrest us. Luckily,we have someone with uswho can change her
appearance to look likesomeone very important—someonelikethepresidentofthe United States. Isn’t thatright, Tessa?” Tessa went towork twisting her face, untilshe looked like the identicaltwin of her father. Herholographic projector built asharp blue suit just like theoneher fatherwore.The restof the team stared at her inawe.
“See?WhatdidItellyou?Coolest power ever!” MissInformation said, helpingTessa out of her seat andtoward the front of the bus,where the Antagonist sat inhiskitchensmock.Heopenedthedoorwithhis silverhookandwishedthemluck.
Immediately, the guardsand soldiers lowered theirweapons.
“Mr.President,”oneofthe
guards said to Tessa. “Wehad no idea it was you.Whereisyoursecuritydetail,sir?”
“Um…wegota flat tire,so they stayedwith the car,”Tessasaid inasdeepavoiceas she could muster. “Andthese fine, upstandingchildren offered me a ridehome. Sorry ifwe’ve causedanyproblems.”
“Perhaps we should get
youinside.”“Goodthinking.Kids,who
wantsatour?”Tessaasked.Theguardshookhishead.
“Sir, I’m sure we couldschedule something, but thechildren need to be screenedinadvance.”
“Oh, c’mon, Charles,”Tessa said. “Do childrenreallyneedafullbackgroundcheck? They’re kids. Whatare they going to do—attack
me with their bubble gum?We can make an exceptionthisonetime.”
The guard looked to hiscolleagues and the soldiersbehindhim.
“I’m sorry, sir, but that’snotgoingtobepossible.”
“That’s disappointing. Isupposewe’reallinforabigtemper tantrum, then. Thekidswerereallyexcitedaboutthetour.”
Loudmouth steppedforward and shoutedsomething incomprehensibleaboutmeangirlsandthetimesaltwater taffy got stuck inher hair. The sound waveswere so intense that theyknocked the entire group ofarmedagentsandsoldiersofftheirfeet.
“See what you’ve done?”Tessa said to the fallenagents.
Thorpulled the frontdoorof the White House off itshinges and broke it in halfoverhisknee.
Funk raisedanarmpit andemittedagaseousgreencloudthat covered the building’swindows, pressing theminward until they shattered.Snot Rocket fired explosiveboogersthroughthedoorway.A moment later there was aKA-POW! Wood and plaster
came flying through theopening.
“Followme!”Tessacried,leadingherteaminside.MissInformation followedproudly. “This is the GreenRoom, team,” Tessa said.“My father uses it to meetwith foreign dignitaries. TheQueenofEnglandsatonthatchair once. He wouldn’t letme meet her. What do youthink,Loudmouth?”
“Nice place!” Tammyshouted,thenturnedhervoiceon the furniture. Antiquessplintered, candelabrassmashed through windows,and a chandelier worth amilliondollarscrashedontoatable and showered the roomwith a billion tiny crystals.An electrical fire ignitedwhere the lamp once hung,filling the room with smokeand setting off a piercingalarm, but none of the
BULLIES stayed longenough tobeannoyed.Therewereotherroomstodestroy.
“This ismydad’s favoriteroom. They call it the RedRoom. He likes to read inhere when he should beasking me about my day,”Tessa said as she ledeveryone inside. The scarletfurniture was impeccable.“Funk,you’reup!”
The filthy boy laid his
handsonthewallandablackmold spread to every cornerof the room and every pieceof furniture. Soon,mushroomswere growing onchairs and fuzzy white oozedripped off everything. Theair turned sour and putrid,making Miss Informationgag.
“I need to show you thebest room in the house,”Tessasaid,rushingoutofthe
RedRoomwiththerestoftheteam in tow.She threwopena door and ushered everyoneinside.ThecarpetwasaroyalbluewiththeU.S.GreatSealstitchedinthecenter.Alargeoak desk sat near a bank ofwindows covered in golddrapes. Several flags stoodnearby.
“The Oval Office,” Tessasaid. “Daddy sits inhere anddrinks lemonade while he
readsnationalsecuritybriefs.I’m not allowed to botherhim.Hecallsithissanctuary.I hate this roommost of all.Tearthisplaceapart!”
SnotRocketfiredaboogerat the desk and it exploded.Thor picked up a chair andheaved it through a window.Funk caused a black stain togrow on the ceiling abovethem.Loudmouthscreamedaholeintothewall.
“Brilliant, Tessa!” MissInformationsaid.
Tessa grinned. “They’llnever reelectaguywho letabunch of kids destroy theworld’smostfamoushouse.”
Miss Information laughed.“He’ll be lucky if they don’thanghim!”
“You’vegot tobekiddingme,”saidavoicefrombehindher. Miss Information turnedand looked through the hole
that Loudmouth had createdin the wall. Five childrenstood on the lawn. Theirleader had poofy blond hairandthickglasses.NexttoherwasashortAfricanAmericankid, a heavy-breathingKorean girl, a kid with theworst set of braces she hadever seen, and a jittery kidstuffingorangecircuspeanutsinto hismouth. Seeing them,the pain returned to MissInformation’s head. She
stumbled,fightingtoseparateherdreamworldfromtherealone.
“We know you sent us tofightyourstupidrobotsattheHoover Dam,” the blondleader said, “but you forgotsomething very important—wehavearocket.”
“Ms. Holiday,” the Asiangirl said. “We love you verymuch and we hope we canhelp you overcomewhatever
has control over you, butrightnowyou’reabouttogetyourbuttkicked.”
“Who’s Ms. Holiday?”Loudmouthshouted.
“Whocares?”Funkasked.“Whatdowedo?”
“Attack!” Tessa said, andthe two teams stampeded ateach other. Paintings weretornapart,furniturewasusedas battering rams, punchesconnected with walls, and
several fires broke out. TheskinnyMexicankidwenttoe-to-toe with Thor. The kidwiththebraceswrestledwithFunk.The flyingKoreangirlbuzzed around Loudmouth.Snot Rocket had his hands,and nose, full with thechubby kid who could walkonwalls.AndTessaswungaflagstandat thegirlwith theglasses, who kept breakingoutinhivesthatvanishedandreappeared in theblinkof an
eye.Miss Information,
however, barely noticed thechaosallaroundher.Shewastrapped in a slide show ofmemories so bright andintense they were blinding.She saw a place like the oneshe had built for herBULLIES; it was called thePlayground.Therewasamanthere—a man who made herfeel like she was finally
home. His name wasAlexander, and he was realandshelovedhim.
She fell over onto thefloor, fighting thehallucinations. She neededair, so she ripped off hermask, which only seemed toopen the door to a flood ofnew visions. There was alibrary at an elementaryschool, and a little flyingglobe just like Benjy. There
was a yellow rocket and aboy with humongous buckteeth.Andwitheachmemorytherecameapeculiaremotion—a mixture of joy andexcitement and tenderness. Ifshe hadn’t known better, shemight have guessed it waslove.Whatwashappening toher?Shecouldn’tconcentrateand couldn’t stand. Thesekids’arrivalhadcausedhertosuffer.
Butthemaskcouldprotecther. The mask madeeverything simple. Itwashershieldandherweapon.Ittoldherwhoshewas.Sheslippeditbackon,andallatonceherhead was clear. She alsoknewexactlywhatshehadtodo.
“Retreat!” she called. Shedartedthroughtheholeinthewallandsprintedforthebus.Her team followed, slack-
jawed and confused. Shedove on board and raced toher seat. Alex was waiting.He had a worried expressionon his face. She wouldexplain to him whathappened.Hewouldlisten.
When the kids tumbledontothebus,shecommandedthe lunch lady to drive. Butsomeone was blocking theirpath—the real president. Hepeeredthroughthewindowat
histwin,hismouthagape.“Who are you?” he
stammered.Miss Information smiled.
“Showhim,Tessa.”Tessa mushed her face
backtonormal.“It’sme,”shesaid,nearlyspittingthewordsathim.
“Tessa?”“We’re done here. Let’s
go, lunch lady!” MissInformationordered.
TheAntagonistrevvedthebus’sengineandtwosoldiersdragged President Liptonaway.Withitspathclear,theSchoolBusigniteditsrocketsand lifted into the air.Secondslater, itshot intothesky.
“Look,Tessa!”Funk said.“They’rearrestingyourdad.”
Tessa looked out thewindow. Suddenly, her gleechanged to something
resemblingconcern,butMissInformation was too busyworkingouthernext schemetogivethegirlmuchthought.Shefinallyknewhowtotakeover the world and destroyher greatest enemies at thesametime.Sheneededtogettowork.
“Get in here,” Sarah saidwhen Ruby finally staggeredhomefromschool.“We’reincrisismode.”
Ruby took a deep breath.Hermother knew. Of coursesheknew!Videoof the fighthadtobeoneverychannelintheworldbynow.Herwholefamilyprobablysawitonthenews. Her secret life wasover. It was time to comeclean.
“Mom, I can explaineverything, but you need tolisten—”
“Whatever it is, it’s going
tohavetowait,”Francissaid,rushing into the room withNoahinhisarmsandTrumanfollowing at his heels. “Thehotelwebookedfortheentirefamily had to close. Theirfurnace went out and thewaterpipes froze.Theyburstand the rooms are flooded.We’ve called every hotel,motel, YMCA, and youthhostelwithinahundredmiles,but everyone is bookedsolid.”
Ruby was confused.Hadn’t they been watchingthe news? Hadn’t they seenthe epic battle at the WhiteHouse?
“So we have a plan B,”Francis said. “Promise youwon’tfreakout.”
Ruby couldn’t seem toshiftgears.“Um—”
“They have to stay here,”Sarahsaid.“Withus.”
Her mother and father
stood cringing as if Rubywereastickofdynamitewithadwindling fuse.EvenNoahand Truman watched withnervous baby eyes and anervouswaggingtail.
“Um,OK.Didyouseethenews?”Rubyasked.
“Yeah, a little bit. Thepresident went crazy orsomething. They arrestedhim. The old folks and thekids have been battling over
the TV all day, so unless itwaspartofadocumentaryonWorld War Two or a storyinvolvingtheTeenageMutantNinjaTurtles,wedidn’t hearmuch about it. Did you hearwhat we said? The entirefamilyisstayinghere.”
Ruby shook her head tounclog thegunk inherbrain.Sotheydidn’tknow—atleastnotyet.Itwasjustamatteroftime,though.Therehadbeen
reporters everywhere whenthe kids were fighting MissInformation and her gang ofmisfits.Someonehadtohavegotten a shotofRuby’s face.“Mom,Dad,Ineedto talktoyouaboutsomething.”
“Sure, what is it honey?”hermotherasked.
“Inprivate.”“Yeah, OK,” Sarah said.
“Let’sgotoyourroom.”Rubytriedtothinkofwhat
tosaytoherfamily.Howdidshe start a story as long andas involved as hers? Mom,Dad,I’maspy.Ihaverobotsinmy body. I save theworldduring school hours. I justgot into a fistfight with thepresident’s daughter in theOval Office. There was notimetocomeupwithaneasyway to tell them about hersecretlife.Itwouldbeahugeshock,butitwasn’tfairto—
“WHAT HAPPENED TOMY ROOM?” Ruby criedwhen she opened herbedroomdoor.
Every drawer was open.All of her books, pens,clothes, and shoes werescattered on the floor. Boardgames had been opened andtheirpiecesthrownaboutlikeconfetti. Her comforter hadbeenusedasamakeshiftfort,held down by dirty bricks
taken from the corner of thegarage.Apackageofcookieshad clearly been stepped onand mashed into her carpet,and several juice boxcontainers had leaked ontoher pillows. Her neat, super-organized sanctuary smelledofpungent,sweatychildren.
“The kids needed a placeto play,” Sarah explained.“It’snobigdeal.We’llcleanitup.”
Suddenly, Ruby’s entirebody broke out in angry, redwelts. Her feet swelled somuch that her toes felt liketheymight burst through hersneakers.Her armpits itched,her nose ran with snot, herears were clogged andscratchy, andher eyes felt asif someone had rubbedlemons on them. Ruby wasallergictoamessyroom,butshewasevenmoreallergictobeingexhausted.
“They ruined everything!You know how I feel aboutmystuff.”
“Ruby, they’re yourfamily. You’re just going tohave to roll with thepunches,” her motherinsisted.
“NO! This house alreadyhas two and a half slobsliving in it!” she shouted.“Nowyouwanttoinviteinahundredmore and give them
myroom?Well,Iwon’tdoit!It wasn’t my idea to inviteeveryone here for theholidays, so why should Isuffer? These people don’teven like each other. Theybicker the whole time aboutwhich religion slash baseballteam slash bagel is the best.Theyneverstop talking, theytrashthehouse,andthentheytrytoguiltusbecausethetwoof you apparently aren’traisingme andNoah right. I
don’t know why you had toinvitethem!”
Rubyheardaslightcoughand looked to her right. Herentire extended family wasstanding in the doorway,listening.
“Someone is getting coalfor Christmas,” Cousin Finnsaid.
“Ruby Tallulah Peet!”Sarah cried. “You apologizethisminute.”
Grandma Tina shook herhead.“She’sright.Weshouldheadhome.This is toomuchforyoufolks.”
“Mom,don’tyoudaretakea step toward that door,”Sarah said. “You are morethanwelcomehere.”
“Ruby,Ithinkyouneedtospend a little time in yourroom thinking about beingrude to the people who loveyou,” Francis said as he
slammed shut her bedroomdoor.
Ruby scooted the juiceboxes off her pillow andthrew herself onto her bed.Shelayonherback,staringatthe ceiling, bewildered bywhatshehadjustdone.Sure,there were going to besomething like fifty thousandpeople sleeping in her homethat night, but why get soangry? Normally, she would
have been thrilled with thechance to find a truckloadofinflatable mattresses andquilts.Shecouldhavehappilytaken over the wholeoperation. So, why wasn’tshe?
Was it really about herfamily’s bickering and thekids going through her sockdrawers? No, she knew itwasn’t.Hermessy roomwasjusta reflectionofhermessy
life. It felt like one layer oftroublewasstackedontopofanother, and then another,likeabirthdaycakeofchaos.
Andshehadtakenallofitoutonherfamily.Sheneededtoapologize.
She got up from her bed,ready to throw herself at themercy of the entirePeet/Kaplan clan, when sheheardamessagealertcomingfrom the computer in her
backpack.Shepoppeditopenand found an encrypted e-mail from Duncan. She ranthe decryption program andfound a link to a video on anews website. A reporterstood in front of the bustedfence outside the WhiteHouse.
“Folks,thisisn’tsomebig-budget Hollywood movie,”he said. “Superheroes arereal. I’m here at 1600
Pennsylvania Avenue, thesceneofabattlerightoutofacomic book. As we reportedearlier, President Lipton wasarrestedforleadinganassaulton theWhiteHouse.Rumorscirculated that hewaswith agroup of superpoweredchildren. We can nowconfirmthatthoserumorsaretrue.We’vegotfootageoftheevent,andIassureyou,thisistherealthing.”
The reporter vanished anda video of the fight replacedhim.Ruby’sheartsank, fullyexpecting to recognize herface or those of herteammates.
“As you can see, one ofthese so-called superkids canfly. The other seems to beable tocreate thingswith thebraces on his teeth. Nowhere’sonewhoappears tobeable to create sonic booms
with her voice. But mostshockingofallisanexclusiveimage of President Liptoncommanding a boy to firewhatappearstobeexplodingmucus at Secret Serviceagents.”
Ruby watched intently.She saw Flinch leaping intothe air and Duncan sprayingglueoutofhisfingersandherownpoofyhairasshefoughtTessaLiptondisguisedasthe
president,butthecamerawasshaky.Therewasn’t a steadyshot of anyone’s face. Couldthey really have been solucky?
The reporter’s voicereturned.“Aswe’vereported,there is no information onwhat prompted thepresident’s actions or wherethese superpowered childrencame from.We’ve been toldthat President Lipton is in
custody at the Pentagon.Sources say he is refusing tocooperate with the CIA andthe FBI. At the moment, wehave no comment from theWhiteHouseorfromtheFirstLady, but it is assumed thatVice President JamesStephenson will be sworn inassoonaspossible.”
The video switched to awrinkly old man with anangry face. He wore a suit
andstoodatapodiuminfrontofaroomofreporters.
“The Senate majorityleader had this to say aboutthe incident,” the reportersaid.
“When I was a kid if wewanted to go somewhere wewalked! Now the sky isoverrun with flying children.Clearly, the president isbehind this. Perhaps he wassome kind of sleeper agent.
ThesekidscouldbeRussians,NorthKoreans,orevenaliensfrom another planet. But Ibelieve this wild act ofviolence and thesesuperpowered children are adirect result of playing toomany video games.With thebeeps and the boops and thecranky birds. It rots theirbrains. I think the goodpeople of this country arestarting to realize that videogamesarethecauseofallthe
world’s problems—that androckmusic.”
Ruby closed her laptopand sighed. It was a miraclethattheNERDShadnotbeenidentified. Maybe her lifewasn’tfallingapartafterall.
Suddenly, her scalp beganto itch. She leaped from herseat and swung her legaround, connecting with theman that stood next to herbed.Sheclippedhischinand
he fell backward, knockingoveralamp.
“I’m allergic to beingsnuck up on,” Ruby said.“I’malsoallergictostrangerscrawling in through mybedroom window, creepygrown-ups, and beingunderestimated.”
“AreyouRubyPeet?” themanaskedashestaggeredtohisfeet.
Ruby leaped forwardwith
fists clenched. She threwseveral punches, connectingwith the man’s jaw andsending him into a shelf thatheldhertrophiesforBestGiftWrapping.
Themanwaswelltrained.He threw his own punches,aiming forher chest andgut.She tumbled into her desk,knockingapiggybanktothefloor and shattering it.Change rolled all over thefloor. That hurt—a lot. Sheknew if she didn’t want tofeelanotherhit,sheneededtocalm down and let herallergiestellherwhattodo.
Her tongue was swollen,
whichmeanthewasabout todeliverakneetoherface.Sheblocked it and kicked hisotherlegoutfromunderhim.A pronouncedwheeze in herlungsmeant hewas going toputherinabearhug,butshesquirmedout of theway andclunkedhimontheheadwithher computer. A weepy eyetold her that she needed tostep to the right to avoid anuppercut. The man swungwithallhisstrength,throwing
himself off-balance. HeslammedontothefloorwithathudandRuby leapedon topofhim,twistinghisarmintoachickenwing.
“If you want to keepthrowing that tantrum, youshould be prepared to begrounded for two weeks,young lady!” her fathershouted through her closeddoor.
“If you want to keep
gettingbeat up, you’re goingtohavetodoitmorequietly,”Rubyhissedatherattacker.
“Kid,I’mnotheretofightyou. I work for the SecretService.Iknowwhoyouare.Iknowwhoyouworkfor.”
“Whosentyou?”“GeneralSavage.”Rubysnarled.“He just wants to have a
conversation.”“Thegeneral?”
“No, the president. Canyouletmeup?”
“The president doesn’thave security clearance highenough to talk tome,” Rubysaid. “Besides, isn’t he injail?”
“Yes,aninnocentmanhasbeen arrested, and you’reinvolved. The very least youcould do is go talk to him,kid.”
DeepwithinthePentagon,thepresident sat in a bare room.His hands were cuffedtogether and he lookedexhausted.
“So it’s true,” he saidwhenRubysatdowninfrontofhim.
She frowned. “What’strue,sir?”
“This country has a spyorganization made up ofsuperpowered children,” he
said. There was a manilafolder on the table with thewords TOP SECRET printed onit. He pushed it toward her,but she didn’t open it. Shealready knew what was in itandwhohadgivenittohim.
“Let’s talk about yourdaughter,sir.”
“Issheoneofyou?”Rubyshookherhead.“No,
but she’s being led bysomeone who used to be a
memberofourteam.”The principal opened his
folder and peered at adocument inside. “Yes, thelibrarian—ViktoriyaDeprankova.”
“WeprefertocallherMs.Holiday.”
“She’snowcallingherselfMissInformation,right?”
“I can’t tell you anything,sir.”
“I’m the president, young
lady.”“I understand. But you’re
notmyboss,”shesaid.The president growled.
“Then tell Tessa’s father.Thatwashertoday,right?”
Ruby nodded. She hadseen his daughter’stransformation herself. Tessacould change her appearanceat will. Miss Informationappeared to have built herown upgrade chair and filled
her BULLIES full ofnanobytes.
“Does it have to do withthatvirus?Theonethatmadeeverybodycriminals?”
Ruby shook her head. “Ican’t be certain that Tessa isnot under the influence ofsomething, but it’s not thevirus.Iwantyoutoknowthatwe’re working hard to findherandstopher—”
“Good. I’ve directed the
CIA to take commandof thesearch,” the presidentinterrupted. “They’ll bejoining you in yourheadquarters—the one youcall the Playground. Iunderstand you have anincredible amount oftechnology at your disposal.We’ll need it to find mydaughter and stop thatmadwoman. You and theother kids will support theirefforts. General Savage has
agreed to come in and headup the mission. I think thatwill work well since youalready have a workingrelationshipwithhim.”
Ruby swallowed hard.“And when it’s all over andTessaissafeandsound,whathappenstous?”
The president blinked.“You?”
“Yes, what happens toNERDS? Will the CIA go
away and let us doourworkinpeace?”
“We’ll cross that bridgewhen we get to it, younglady,” the president said astwomen in lab coats enteredthe room.Onewasholdingahypodermic needle. “In themeantime these doctors needa little blood test. I’m sureyoudon’tmind.”
Suddenly, Ruby let out ahugesneeze.
“Ruby, I’m going to getyououtofthere.”
She had never been sohappy to hear Heathcliff’svoice.
Allofa sudden, the lightswent out, and she sprang toher feet and darted into thedark hallway, with confusedand angry guards in hotpursuit.Rubywas allergic toslamming face-first intowalls, so she didn’t have to
slow down as Heathcliff fedher turn-for-turn directions.Finally,shepushedafireexitdoor open and ran into thenight. The principal was inhis Jeep, waiting for her bythesideoftheroad.
“They know about us,”Rubysaid.
The principal nodded. “Iknow.”
“Whatdowedo?”“We do what Brand told
us to do. We destroy thePlayground.”
Heathcliff Hodges collectedhisfewpossessions:apairofsneakers, some clothes, astack of notebooks, a framed
photo of his parents, and theassorted parts of Benjamin.He tossed them into abackpack just as the doorflewopen.
“Grab your things,”Jackson Jones shouted.“We’ve lost our lease!Everything must go! Takewhatever isn’t nailed downand meet the team in thecontrolcenter.”
Heathcliff veered toward
the science room. He foundDuncanracingfromonetableto the next, snatching thingsand shoving them into twohugeduffelbags.
“We should take the jetpacks,”Heathcliffsaid.
Duncan nodded. “I tookthree. That’s as much as Icould carry. There’s someexploding bubble gum backtherethatcouldbeuseful.”
“Actually, I was hoping I
might find the potion theywanted to use on myparents.”
Duncan frowned. “I don’tknow. I never met the teamassigned to it. It could beanywhere.”
Heathcliffstaredoutatthehundredworkstations.
“Attention, all personnel.”An amplified voice echoedthrough the Playground.“This is the principal. The
Playground has beencompromised. Agents of thefederal government are ontheir way. I’m activatingDirective 86 right now. Youhave twominutes to leaveoryou’restayingforever.Thisisnotatest.Irepeat,thisisnotatest.”
Red lights flashed and aloud warning siren blared.Heathcliffracedfromtabletotable.Heneeded thecure for
hisparentssothattheywouldrememberhim,butitwaslikesearching for a four-leafclover—onlythecloverpatchwas going to explode in twominutes.
Flinch appeared,desperately trying to close asuitcase overflowing withcandy. “C’mon, we need togetoutofhere.”
“Ihavetofindthepotion,”Heathcliffshouted.
Matilda joined them,dragging her favorite combatdummybehindher.
“You two need to get tothecontrolroom,”sheyelled.
“Ican’tgountilIfindit!”The principal and Ruby
zoomed into the Playgroundtogether.
“Let’s go,” the principalsaid. “I won’t let them ruinwhat we’ve built here. Youkids are too valuable to the
world.”Heathcliff continued to
search frantically. “Whowasworkingonthepotion?”
“Son, get in the controlroom now,” the principalsaid.
“I won’t go!” Heathcliffcried.
There was a sound like agiantredwoodtreesplinteringand crashing to the forestfloor and a thick gray liquid
begantofilltheroom.“What’sthat?”heasked.“Concrete,” the principal
said.“We’reburying italive.Ifanyoneeverstumblesuponthis facility, it will becompletely useless to them.Heathcliff, I’monlygoing tosaythisonemoretime.”
Didn’t they understand?He needed that potion. “Goonwithoutme.”
“Matilda,doesthatinhaler
ofyourshaveatranquilizerinit?”
MatildanoddedandaimedherinhaleratHeathcliff.
“Don’t do this!” hebegged.
“Sorry,”shesaid.Therewas a loudpopand
a sting on the side of hisneck,andall thefight inhimmeltedaway.
Flinch hefted Heathcliffonto his back and all of the
NERDS raced to the controlroom.
The principal pushed abuttonand thefloorbegan torise, though Heathcliffcouldn’tbesureitwasn’t thetranquilizer that was makinghim feel floaty. He watchedas thesecretheadquarters forthe National Espionage,Rescue, andDefense Societyvanished below him. Therewereseveralloudexplosions,
andthenthelightswentout.“So we’re homeless?”
Duncanasked.“What about the
elementary school?” Rubyasked. “Can’t we go back tothatone?”
The principal shook hishead. “Directive 86 shutsdown the middle school, theelementary school, and thehigh school all at the sametime.”
“So that’s it? That’s theend?”Matildasaid.
“No, it’s not the end,” theprincipal replied. “We’re justmoving to the backupfacility.”
“What backup facility?”Flinchsaid.
That was the last thingHeathcliff heard before helostconsciousness.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:SICKBED
REALNAME:MARVINTAYLORYEARSACTIVE:
1981–83CURRENT
OCCUPATION:PROFESSIONAL
MEDICALTESTSUBJECT
HISTORY:MARVINSPENTMOSTOF
HISYOUNGLIFEINBED,SICKWITH
ACOLD,FEVER,FLU,SORETHROAT,
MIGRAINEHEADACHE,ORCHICKEN
POX.IFANYONEWASSICKWITHIN
AFIFTY-MILERADIUS,ITWAS
ALMOSTGUARANTEEDTHATAGENT
SICKBEDWOULDCATCHIT.HEWASTHEONLYAGENTINNERDSHISTORY
WHOASKEDTOBEPAIDINKLEENEX.HEWASALSOTHE
ONLYAGENTOFFICIALLYEXEMPT
FROM
FILINGREPORTS;THETEAM’S
DIRECTORSAIDHECOULDN’T
READWHATMARVINWROTEDUE
TOTHESNOTANDBOOGERSONEVERY
PAGE.
UPGRADE:SICKBEDCOULDGIVE
ANENEMYGERMSANDVIRUSESAT
WILL,CAUSINGTHEMTOFALLILL
WITHINSECONDS,ALLFROM
ASINGLECOUGH.
Tessa’s father had beenarrestedanditwasherfault.Unlike that morning, whenher anger at him was
somethingbitterinhermouthshe wanted to spit onto thefloor, she felt nothing butdespair. She’d gone too far.She just wanted him to losethe election, not wind up inprison.Whatifhewenttojailfor the rest of his life? Howwouldshelivewithherself?
“So are you going to stepaside or not?” Funkdemanded.
“Huh?”Tessasaid,startled
byhisanger.The rest of the BULLIES
surroundedher.“You’re not smart enough
or tough enough to lead thisteam!” Snot Rocket shouted.“Plus, your upgrade is L-A-M-E. If anyone should berunning thisgroup, it’sme. Ihave the most experience.I’vespentthelastthreeyearsin in-school suspension. I’vebeen in twenty fistfights this
month, and eighty percentwerewithteachers.”
“Unfortunately,youdidn’twin any of them,” Funksnarled, then turned his rageon Tessa. “I should be incharge. I’m the coolest oneunderpressure.Whenthatkidwaspouring that stickygunkonme,Ididn’tevenflinch.”
“Whichiswhyyou’restillcompletely trapped in it,”Loudmouth cried. “A leader
has to command respect, andnoonecancommandlikeme.Idon’twanttoleadthisteam,but to be honest, I don’t seeanyothersolution.”
Thor grunted. No onecould understand a word hesaid,butTessaknewwhathemeant. He wanted to be incharge,too.
Normally, Tessa wouldhavebristledatachallengetoherdominance.AtSugarland,
no one would have dared toget in her face, but after theday’s events she didn’t careanymore. Any one of themcould be the leader of thisstupidteam.“Fine.Iquit.”
“Tessa!”MissInformationcalled when she entered theroom. She had her strawboyfriend in her arms andmadness inhereyes,andshewas waving her finger backandforthinadon’teventhink
aboutitgesture.Tessahada suddenvision
ofher future, and it involvedtigerswithoverstuffedbellieslickingtheirgreasychops.Atthat moment she would’vebeen happy to have bugssplattering on her face if itmeantshecouldflyawayandescape.
“You’re not goinganywhere,”Miss Informationcontinued.
Tessa shook her head.“This isn’t what I signed upfor. I didn’t think my dadwouldbearrested.”
“Really?Youpretendedtobe him and then trashed thehome of the most powerfulperson on the planet. Whatdid you think was going tohappen?”
“I justwantedhim to losetheelectionsohewouldhavemoretimeforme.”
“Tessa, that’s what willhappen! When you go seehim during the prison’svisitinghours,you’llhavehisundividedattention.Itwillbethrough a Plexiglass window—buthewillbeallyours.”
“I’m going to turnmyselfin to the police. I can’t lethim be imprisoned forsomethingIdid.”
“Oh, honey, you know Ican’t let you do that,” her
boss said with more than ahintofmenace.“Youkidsareso spoiled these days. I justdon’t know what will makeyou happy. I suppose I havetofixyourproblemagain.”
“Fix it? How? Do youmeanbreakhimoutofjail?”
Miss Information sighed.“Wecould, but thenyouandyour family would live likefugitives, sleeping inabandoned buildings and
eating rats and discardedbananapeels. I’m sureyou’dgiveme theboo-boofaceforthat,too.”
“Then what are youtalkingabout?”
“We have to make it sothat today never happened atall.”
As Tessa searched theroom for exits, a copper-skinned woman witheyeglasses and a white lab
coat stepped into thecommand center. She lookedexhausted, hungry, and indesperate need of a shower.She trembled when MissInformationturnedtoher.
“Ma’am,Ihavesomeverygood news,” she said, hervoice squeaking. “Wecracked the problem withyour latest design. We’retestingitaswespeak.”
“See!Itoldyouifyoujust
followed my drawings itwouldbeeasytobuild,”MissInformationsaidproudly.
“Ma’am, you drew apicture of an old DeLoreansports car with the wordsTimeMachineatthebottom,”thescientistsaid.
MissInformationturnedtoher scarecrow boyfriend.“Isn’tthisjustgrand,darling!It’s the final piece of mymaster plan. Oh, yes, you’re
right.Thereisalotofworktodo,andnotaminutetospare.Well, actually, now that wehaveatimemachine,wehaveall theminuteswewant.ButI’meagertogetstarted.”
She gave the scarecrow apassionatekissonhispaintedmouth.
The BULLIES pretendednottonotice.
“Where’smyBenjy?” sheasked.
Thelittlesilverorbfloatedintotheroom.“Iamhere.”
“Benjy, have you studiedthe footage of our attack ontheWhiteHouse?”
“Ihave.”“So you noticed the five
children who gave theBULLIES a resounding kickinthepants?”
“I did. I saw the pants-kicking.”
“I want you to find as
much informationasyoucanaboutthemandtheirfamilies,going back severalgenerations.”
“I will start at once,”Benjysaid,andzippedoutoftheroom.
“Oh,thisisgoingtobesomuchfun.Idon’tknowwhyIdidn’tthinkofitbefore.”
“Think of what?” Funkasked.
“Erasing my enemies. I
have a feeling it will curethosepeskyheadaches,too.”
“Can you please tell mewhat is going on?” Tessaasked.
MissInformationsqueezedher arm so tight it hurt.“Tessa, you and the rest ofthe BULLIES are going toaccompany Benjy, Alex, andme into the past, where wewill locate the ancestors ofthe kids who attacked you
today. Then we will makesure that ourmutual enemieswere never born. The worldwill be mine, and there willbe a nice side effect for you—today will have neverhappened. Without theNERDS, there would be noreason for me to haverecruited you, given yousuperpowers, and taken youto the White House to ruinyour dad’s life. All thetrouble will vanish in an
instant. Plus, since I will berunning everything when wegetback,yourdadwillbeoutof a job. You’ll geteverything I promised you,Tessa. Everything! Are youin?”
Miss Information wascrazy.ButTessahadjustseenimpossible things: kids whocouldfly,snot thatexploded,stinkthatcouldlevelahouse,and her own malleable face.
When Miss Information saidshe could go back in time,Tessa believed it. Her planmightbetheonlythingTessacoulddotosaveherfather.
Shenodded.“I’min.”MissInformationturnedto
the rest of the team. “Eachone of you has a valuableskill. Tessa’s is leadership,and I want her in charge. Ifyouhaveaproblemwiththat,Ihaveacouplestarvingtigers
I’d like you to meet. Anyquestions?”
The BULLIES frownedbutsaidnothing.
“Hooray!” she cried. “I’mgladeveryoneishappy.Let’sgobackintime!”
“This is the backup facilityfor an international spyorganization?” Ruby asked,staring up at the sign for
Marty Mozzarella’srestaurant. The brightlycolored logo was a big,grinning mouse wearing aRastafarianhat.
“Itis,”theprincipalsaid.Ruby was speechless.
Marty Mozzarella’s was arestaurant for little kids. Thefood was a crime againsthumanity: The pizza tastedlike an old man’s slipperdipped inketchup, thefrench
frieswereassoggyasaragata car wash, and the chickenfingersmightwellhavebeenmade from the fingers of anactual chicken. Plus, next tothe tables, there were fiftydecibel-busting video gamesthatshooktheairwithblinks,bonks,beeps,andblasts.
“My dad broughtme herefor pizza and games oncewhen I was little. It was fununtil he found a dirty diaper
in theball pit,”Duncan said.“Ihaven’tbeenbacksince.”
Matildagagged.“Notetoself:Donoteatin
thisrestaurant,”Jacksonsaid.Flinch shrugged. “Speak
for yourself. This place hasthebestfoodever.”
Heathcliff didn’t carewhere they wereheadquartered. On the ridefrom the Playground he hadswitchedbackandforthfrom
tears to bitterness. Rubyunderstood why he was somad, but she had biggerproblems on her hands thanwiping tears off the face offormeragentChoppers.Asidefromhavingtorunforherlifefrom the president of theUnited States and beingexposed as a spy, she haddisappearedfromherparents’house,aftershouting thatshehated all her relatives. Theymusthavediscoveredshewas
missing by now. Her wholefamilywouldbeinapanic.
Once inside the dingyrestaurant, Ruby’s allergieswent haywire. Her lipsswelled up, her fingers gotpuffy,andherearsached.Hereyeswateredlikefaucetsandher swelling anklesthreatened to split hersneakers. One look aroundexplainedwhy. Shewas in arestaurant filled with a mob
of sticky-faced pre-kindergartners who wipedtheir runny noses on theirhands and then wiped theirhandsonanythingthatdidn’tmove. But it was the actualemployees that made hersuffer the most. She wasallergic to minimum-wage,dead-end jobs andhopelessness. She reachedintoherpocketforanallergytabletandswalloweditdry.
Mostoftheteamsqueezedintoaboothwiththeprincipalwhile Flinch,mesmerized bythelightsandsounds,decidedtohavealookaround.
“So,asyoucantell,we’vegot a few problems,” theprincipalsaid, tryingtoshoutover a roboticMarty and hisvermin friends singing theHappy Birthday song to ascreamingkid.
“Whataboutourparents?”
Jacksonasked.“Yeah,they’regoingtobe
worriedwhenwedon’tcomehome,”Matildasaid.
“Andwhatarewegoingtodo to protect them? I’m surethe Secret Service will wantto question them. What ifthey’re taken into custody totry to force us out?”Duncanasked.
“Most of your parents areaware of your secret lives. I
contacted everyone’s exceptforHeathcliff’sandRuby’s.”
Heathcliff groaned, thengotupandstompedoff.
“I should go see them,”Rubysaid.
“I think that is a terribleidea,” the principal said.“Goinghomewillputthemindanger. The Secret Servicewill bewatchingyour house,and the second you show upthey’ll have you. Right now,
the best thing you can do islet your parents believe youranaway.”
Ruby was shocked by hisidea. “You want to makethemworry?”
“Yourparentswillcallthecops and report you missingand the police will show upanddoaninvestigation.Withpoliceinthehouse,theSecretService and the CIA mightkeep theirdistance.All those
cops and all those familymembersmightbuyusalittletime until we can finish thismission. Ruby, I know youhatethisidea,butit’sthebestonewe’vegotrightnow.”
A teenager in a mousecostume approached theirbooth.
“Excuseme,butishewithyou?” he asked, pointingtoward a candy machine.Inside were mounds of
chocolates and sweetswith alargemechanical claw abovethem. Flinch had his armtrapped inside the dispenser,yet he was singing with joy.“He’sscaringtheotherkids.”
“Oh, but the six-foot ratbringing them food isn’tfreaking them out?” Jacksonasked.
“Hey, don’t say ‘rat’ inhere. I’m a mouse! Do youwant the health department
comingdownonus?”Duncan stood up. “I’ll go
gethim.”“Thank you,” the mouse
said as he rushed off to takeanorder.
Jackson’s braces whirrednervously.“Isthisplacesafe?If they find us, it’s only amatter of time before we’relabrats.”
“Hey,kid!”themaninthemouse suit shouted from
acrosstheroom.“Shutit!”“Sorry,” Jackson said
sheepishly.The principal shook his
head. “This restaurant iscompletely off the grid,” hesaid. “Only myself, AgentBrand, and a few formerdirectorsevenknowitexists.Best of all, soon it will becompletelyoperational.We’llhave the full science teamherebeforelong.”
Ruby looked around therestaurant.Shehadn’tnoticedatfirst,butmostofthecookswere scientists from thePlayground. Now, instead oflab coats, they were wearingT-shirts with MARTYMOZZARELLAon thefrontandsliding trays of garlic knotsintotheovens.
Duncan returned withFlinch, who was carrying adroopysliceofpepperoniand
mushroom. “This placerules!”
Ruby turned to theprincipal. “What are wesupposed to do in thisdump?”
“This‘dump’isfilledwithmassive computing power,”the principal said. Hesqueezed out of the booth,crossedtheroom,andpressedhishandonagame’s screen.A green light scanned his
fingertips and then the gamedisappeared, replaced by anarray of surveillance cameraimages from all over theworld. “Every one of thesearcadegameshasaharddrivewith processor speeds farbeyond anything we had atthe Playground. The kitchenis stocked with the latestweaponry.Thereare surface-to-air missiles inside thatrobotsquirreloverthere.”
“So what’s the plan?”Matildaasked.
“The same as it wasyesterday:FindTessaLipton.Only this time we’re notrescuing her.We’re bringinghertojustice.”
“One suggestion!” Flinchcried,hismouthfullofpizza.“Canwemake thisplaceourpermanent headquarters? It’samazing and the food isyum!”
“That looks like a Sit ’nSpin,”Funksnarled.
Tessa had to agree. MissInformation’s time machine
appeared to be a very largeversion of a toy that causedher to throw up all overherself when she was fouryears old. Oh, what adelightful present that was,she thought. Hours of gut-wrenchingfun!
“Are you sure you didn’tjust swipe that from aplayground?” Snot Rocketasked.
“We tried several designs,
but this one promised to bethesafestforthepassengers,”the tired scientist replied.Tessa had learned her namewas Dr. Rajkumar and thatshe was an expert ontemporal physics—whateverthatwas.
“Why does it need to besafe?”Tammyscreamed.
“Because it rips a hole inthefabricoftimeandspace,”Dr.Rajkumarsaid.“Tocreate
the anomaly necessary fortime travel, the machine hasto generate power on thelevels comparable to asupernovaand—”
“Blah, blah, blah,science!” interrupted MissInformation. “So … how doweuseit?”
“The passenger enters theprecise date, time, longitude,and latitude into the controlpad, then turns the wheel. A
wormhole will open andeveryone on board will bepulled through it.Whenyourmission is complete, justpress theHOME button and itwillbringyoubackhere.”
“Easy breezy,” MissInformationsaid.
“Butatgreatpersonal risktomyhealthandwell-being,Ihavetoinsistthatyounotdothis,”Dr.Rajkumarsaid.
“PREPARE THE
TIGERS!” Miss Informationyelled.
“Please, I beg you. Whatyou want to do could haveverynastysideeffects.Ifyougo into the past and changesomething,thereisnowayofpredicting the ripple effect itwill have on the present.Let’s say you cause anaccidentthatkillssomeone—hypothetically, say thegrandfather of Alexander
Fleming—”“Who?”Tessaasked.“Themanwhodiscovered
penicillin. What if youaccidently killed hisgrandfather? Hundreds ofthousands—maybe evenmillions—ofpeoplewouldbedead because he neverinventedthevaccine.”
“Attention, kids, do notkill Alexander Fleming …OK—anythingelse?”
“Yes! Changes aren’talways so straightforward.Any little thingcouldchangethe course of human history.The simplest action couldliterally destroy the world—steppingonanant, causingatraffic accident, stealingsomeone’s parking spot—allof these things could be tiedto much bigger, much moreimportant events. Cuttingsomeone off in traffic couldliterallybetiedtothebirthof
anotherhumanbeing.There’sjustnowayofknowing.”
“Consider us warned,”MissInformationsaid.“Now,let’sgivemynewtoyaspin.Benjy, have you compiledthatlistIaskedyoufor?”
“Ihave,” therobotsaidasit zipped into the room. “OnAugust 16, 1987, EdgarEscala—Julio Escala’sgrandfather—visitedWashington, D.C., on
vacation from Mexico Cityand made a stop at animmigration office to getinformation on becoming aUnited States citizen. Publicrecords show that Edgarsigned in at the visitors’centerat8:05A.M.onthedateinquestion.Thereisaninety-sevenpercentchancethatthisexperience directly lead toMr.EscalamovinghisfamilytotheUnitedStates.”
“Well,we’regoingtohaveto find a way to change hismind,”MissInformationsaidas she stepped onto the timemachine’splatform.
“I’m downloading theinformation, time, andcoordinates into yourmachine as well as all theinformation I collected aboutthe other NERDS and theirfamilies,”Benjychirped.
Dr. Rajkumar blanched.
“This is your plan? Makingsure those kids were neverborn?”
“You got it! Kids, let’sgo,” Miss Information said,dismissing the scientist andusheringTessaandtheothersontotheSit’nSpinplatform.Tessa didn’t like the idea oferasing someone, but shecouldn’t leave her father injail.Sheandtheothersturnedthebigwheelatthecenterof
themachine,and it started tospin.
“I don’t feel so good,”SnotRocketsaidasthewheelspunfasterandfaster.
“Yeah, I’mnot sureaboutthis,”Tammycriedastheairgrew very cold and crackledwithelectricity.
Tessa felt very nauseousherself, and it wasn’t justfrom the spinning. Themachine was making her
insides feel like a bottle ofsodashakenbyamischievouschild. She was sure she wasgoingtopop.
“I want to get off,” Funkwhined. “We have to stopthis!”
But Miss Informationignored his plea and thewheelturnedevenfaster.Theunderground lair vanishedand a series of images ofpeopleandplacesappeared:a
woman slapped a man in anightclub, a teenager dancedata rockconcert, a littleboyplayedkickball, a dogpulledhis owner down the street, asoldier hurried across a war-torn lanscape, a man and awoman got married with alittle white dog at their feet.They seemed to come fromall different time periods.Couldtherestoftheteamseethem,too?
And then Tessa saw herfather creeping into herbedroomat theWhiteHouse,sitting downnext to her, andwatchinghersleep.
“Dad?”
Therewasafinalflashandhe vanished along with theother visions, and Tessa wasstartled to find that she andher team were no longer inMiss Information’s secretlair. Somehow they were inthe middle of a busyWashington,D.C.,street,andthere was a bus barrelingrightatthem.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:PIZZAFACE
REALNAME:DENISEBERNAKEYEARSACTIVE:
1984–88CURRENT
OCCUPATION:ROCKETSCIENTIST
HISTORY:DENISEWASONEOFTHOSEPOOR
CHILDRENWHOSUFFER
FROMEARLY-ONSETPUBERTY.ONEDAYSHEWASASMILING,SWEET
LITTLEGIRLANDTHENEXTSHE
HADAFACEFULLOFZITS.NO
AMOUNTOFACNEMEDICINESEEMED
TOHAVEANYEFFECT,BUTHERSAD
AFFLICTIONWASTURNEDINTOA
TREMENDOUSASSETWITHTHEHELPOFMODERN
TECHNOLOGY.
UPGRADE:USEYOURIMAGINATION,KID.WHATCOULDA
GIRLWITHAFACEFULLOF
ERUPTINGPIMPLESDO?JUSTTHINKINGABOUTWRITING
ITDOWNMAKESMEGAG.
Heathcliff needed to takehis mind off his parents andhis heartbreak, sohedecidedto turn his attention to the
other dilemma—namely,filling in the holes of hisSwiss cheese memory. Hewasconvinced thatBenjaminwas thekey tounlocking themystery,soheworkedwithafeverish passion, replacingeachtinychipandwirewhilethe rest of the team had oneoftheirstupidsecretmeetingsin a booth at MartyMozzarella’s.
He sat in adarkcornerof
the restaurant and testedcircuits and installed a newcooling system. Then heworked on Benjamin’sgyroscopic flight simulator,which gave the robot itsability to fly. Finally, hesnapped the ball shut. Therewere still functions toreconnect and tests toadminister,butsurelynoneofthem were vital toBenjamin’s operation. Hepushedthebuttonontheside
of the orb and listened as ithummed to life.Abright redlight glowed inside, a signalthat there was a seriousinternal error, but then thelight changed to Benjamin’sfamiliar blue, followed bysome loud clicking andbeepingandthenfinally…
“Heathcliff?”“Benjamin!Boy,amIglad
tohearyourvoice.Youweredamaged, but I repaired you,
and I’ve got a millionquestions.”
“Ms.Holidayis—”Benjamin’s blue light
turned red and there was aloud POP! Black smokeseeped through the casing,andtheballfelltothefloor.
Heathcliff cried out. Howcouldhehavebeensostupid?His eagerness to know thetruth had gotten the best ofhim, and now he’d probably
made Benjamin worse. Hepicked up the robot andgingerly opened the cover.Muchof the circuitry he hadinstalledwasmelted.
“Any luck?” Jacksonasked. The boy stood a fewfeet away, watchingHeathcliffcuriously.
Heathcliff grunted. Hemight have been lonely, buthe wasn’t about to getchummywithhisarchenemy.
A million atomic wedgiesflashedinhismemory.
“That’s great. We coulduseBenjamin’shelp.Andwecould use yours, too,”Jacksonsaid.
Heathcliff wanted to tellhimto jumpoffabridge.Hewanted to laugh in his face.He wanted to spit at him.How dare Jackson come tohimforhelpwhenheandtheothers shunned him every
day? Oh, the indignity! Hefelttheragecoursingthroughevery vein, and in that angerwas something familiar,something comfortable—likea pair of fluffy socks or hisstuffed penguin. That angerwould protect him fromheartbreakandhumiliation.
“Unless you still need alittle time on your own,”Jacksonsaid.
Heathcliff blinked. “You
thinkIwanttobealone?”Jackson shrugged. “To be
honest,Iwasn’tsurehowyoufelt.IknowhowIwouldfeelif my dad didn’t rememberme and the only thing thatwould fix himwas buried incement. I’dwant to be alonefor a while. And then I’dwantafriend.”
“You want to be myfriend?”Heathcliffasked.
Jackson nodded. “When
you’reready.IknowIhavealottomakeupfor.”
Heathcliff felt the angerdrainoutofhimlikewaterina spaghetti strainer. Hewasn’t ready to throw hisarms around Jackson andforgivehim,buthisarmorofhatefeltclaustrophobic.
“Listen, I know you’rebummed about that formula,but the scientist who wasworking on it wasn’t buried
in the Playground.He’s heresomewhere,probablymakingbreadsticks or cleaning thegrease traps. He can startover. That’s the cool thingabout life. If you want, youcanstartallover.So,canyougiveusahandorshouldIcallyouawhaa-mbulance?”
Heathcliff smiled. “Leadtheway.”
It was late, and therestaurant was closed. The
team members were busyworking on the variousarcade games scattered aboutthe room. Flinch wascompletely hypnotized by agame called Dig Dug, whileMatildawasatagamecalledDonkeyKong.
“Glad you could join us,”the principal told Heathcliffashestuffeda fistfulofgoldtokensintohishand.
Heathclifffoundaconsole
called Joust that appeared tobeanonsensicalgamewhereknights rode flying ostrichesoverariveroflava.Hesankacoinintotheslotandagreenlight appeared on the screen.Instinctively, he placed hishandonit.
The game vanished,replaced by a list of thecomputer’s applications. Hescanned the list line by line.The game had the most
advanced Web-browsingprogramhehadeverseen.Hecould read through classifiedmaterials from the CIA, theFBI, the IRS, and somethingcalledProjectBlueBook.Hecould use facial recognitiontechnology, every satellitecirclingtheworld,theHubbleSpace Telescope, and theonboard computers of theInternational Space Station.The listwentonandon, andforthefirsttimesincehehad
awakened without hismemorieshefeltlikeaspy—arealspy!
“What’s our priority?”Heathcliffasked.
“We have to find MissInformation,” Ruby said.“She’s within a hundredmilesoftheWhiteHouse.”
“Howdoyouknowthat?”“I did some calculations
on that flying bus of hers.Amachine that size and shape
couldonlyholdsomuchfuel.They could get about fivehundred miles out of it,assuming it flies as fast as apassengerplane.”
“Theyflewwest, too. I’vebeen searching satellites foran appropriate landing site,”Duncansaid.
“There’s an easier way totrack them,” Heathcliff said.He called them over to hisgame,wherehe’d accessed a
government weather-trackingsite. “We can track theirexhaust. The fumes leftbehindwillstayintheairforatleastadayafterward.”
Heshowedthemasatelliteimage of Washington, D.C.,atthetimeoftheattack,thenran it through a pollutionfilter until a green bandcrossed from one side of thescreentotheother.
“Like a trail of bread
crumbs,”hesaid.“Weneedahigher-res picture, but once Iget that, this will tell usexactlywheretheshipwent.”
The principal nodded.“That’s good work, Hodges.Keepusintheloop.”
Heathcliff’sproudgrinfeltlikeitwasstretchinghisfacesowideitmightnotreturntonormal.
“Ifyoufindher,wecangohome,”Duncansaid.
“Whowantstogohome?”Flinch cried while munchingoncoldpizza.
“I’ll automate the search.Ifwe’relucky,wemighthavean address by tomorrowmorning,” Heathcliff said.“WhatelsecanIdo?”
The principal smiled.“You can help Ruby withsurveillance. MissInformation and Tessa musthave been captured on video
somewhere. It might help usnarrow down their locationfaster.”
“And what are you goingtodo,boss?”Matildasaid.
“I’m going tomake somecalls. You and your familiesare going to need newidentities. I have friends intheFBIwhowilldomesomefavors.”
Heathclifftookachairandsat next to Ruby, who was
busy on a Ms. Pac-Manmachine.“Thanks,”hesaid.
Rubycringed.“For?”“Lettingmehelp.Mostof
thetimeyouguyswon’tevenlookatme.NicetoknowI’mnotinvisible.”
“You’re not invisible,”Rubysaid.
“Are you OK? You lookworried.”
“I’ve decided not to tellmy parents where I am. It’s
going to hurt them a lot, butit’s going to keep them safe,too. I feel terrible,” she saidassheflippedthroughseveralscreensoffootage.
“I’m sorry,” Heathcliffsaid.“Familiesareimportant,and it’s hardwhenyou can’tprotectthem.Especiallyfromsomethingyou’re responsiblefor.”
Ruby looked at himsuspiciously. “Jackson told
youwhatyoudid?”He shook his head. “No,
but I know itwas somethingbad.”
Hesilentlyprayedthatshewoulddenyit,butshedidn’t.Instead, she turned herattentionbacktothescreen.
“Are you monitoringwiretaps,too—youknow,cellphonechatter?”
“Yes, and I haven’t hearda peep,” she said. “But I
suspect Ms. Holiday’s toosmarttouseaphone.”
“You’re probably right,”Heathcliffsaid.Thereweresomany cameras to monitor. Itwas like trying to find aspecific seashell on a beach.“I can make an adjustmentthat will make all of thismucheasier.”
Rubysteppedbackandlethim work. Heathcliff pushedbuttonssofuriouslythegame
rattled. Being a part of theteam again gave him a joyandexcitementthatmadehimfeel like a pot boiling overwith water. When he wasfinished, thescreenhad threeimages on it: Ms. Holiday,with and without the mask,andTessaLipton.
“This surveillanceprogram has facialrecognition, but it’s sort oflame.”
“It’s state-of-the-art,”Rubyobjected.
“I’d hardly call what itdoes ‘art.’ It takes six facialfeatures and tries to pinpointthem from grainy video. I’mstunned it ever works. Iincreased its parameters andnow it’s searching for onehundred fifteen thousanddifferentelements, aswell asvocalcues.I’maccessingMs.Holiday’s employee files so
we can add in her favoritefoods, authors, televisionshows, actors, whatever. Wecan link these things to thesearch and cross-referencereceipts from every purchasein the world. Getting moredetailed actually makes itsimpler.TessaLiptoniseveneasier. She’s famous. Sooneror later they are going to beseen.They’regirls.”
“So?”
“Girlsliketoshop.”“That’s sort of offensive,”
Ruby grumbled. “And nottrue! Not every girl in theworldlikestoshop.”
“Not everygirl.But thosetwo?Absolutely.Ms.Holidayneverwore a cardigan twice,and from what I’ve read,Tessahasathingforhigh-endfashion,”Heathcliffsaid.
“You’ve read that TessaLipton likes fashion?
Where?”“InPeoplemagazine.”“WhendoyoureadPeople
magazine?”“I’ve been locked up
withoutmuch todo for threemonths. I’d read Ladies’HomeJournalifyougavemeacopy.Thereareafewotherthings we can add to thesearch, too,” Heathcliffcontinued as he jammed thejoystickbackandforth.“Why
just video? We can addnewspapers, magazines, andsocialmediasites.Ourtargetscould appear in thebackground of someoneelse’s photos and this ‘state-of-the-art’ program wouldn’tcatchit.”
“Ithinkyou’regoingabitoverboard,” Ruby said,nudging the boy aside. Hecould tellhewasmakingheruncomfortable. She still
didn’ttrusthim.Suddenly, there was an
alert and an image appearedonthescreen.
“We’ve got a hit!” Rubysaid.
It was a black-and-whitenewspaper photograph of acar crash on a street acrosstown.Inthebackground,theycouldseeMs.Holiday inhermask, along with Tessa andthe rest of the kids who had
attackedthemthedaybefore.“They caused some kind
of accident,” Heathcliff said.“But wait—this can’t beright. This newspaper articleisdecadesold.”
Ruby glanced at thenewspaper’smasthead.ItwaspublishedAugust16,1987—more than twenty-five yearsago.
“I don’t understand. Thehard drive should have no
problems with this,”Heathcliffsaiddefensively.
“Well,whateveryoudidismaking it screwy,” Rubysaid. “Is this one of yourschemes?”
“Schemes?” Heathcliffsaid.
Ruby eyed him closely.“Nevermind,”shesaidasshejumpedup fromher chair. “Ineedsomethingtoeat.”
Heathcliff’sheartsank.So
much for being amember oftheteam.
If it weren’t forLoudmouth, the BULLIES’trip through timewouldhavebeen cut very short and had
an extremely painful ending.Whentheywerejerkedoutofthe time stream, they foundthemselves in the middle ofthestreetwithabusbarrelingdown on them. Tammyhuffed and puffed, rantingabout boys not liking girlswith glasses and overduelibrary books. Her voiceslammed into the bus,bringingittoaviolentstop.
But the BULLIES were
not out of danger yet. A carcareened out of the bus laneand headed straight at them.Snot Rocket fired anexplosive booger at theground, which created apothole.Thecardroveintoitheadfirst.
A siren wailed and apolice car arrived on thescene. A chubby officer gotout, his eyes wide and hismouthinasurprisedO.
Thor slammedhis fists onthehoodofthecopcaranditfoldedinhalflikeataco.Thecop drew his weapon, butFunk was already sending acloudofnoxiousgreen air athim.Overcomebythestench,thepolicemandropped tohisknees.
Miss Information smiled.“Welcome to 1987, wherethere is no Wi-Fi, iPods,Facebook, or texting. Most
people still buy music at arecordstore.”
“What’s a record store?”Tammysaid.
Miss Information shookherheadandpressedabuttonon the time machine. Shewatched it collapse andmorphintoaboxshecouldfitinto the palm of her hand.“Whatanicefeature!”
Benjy floated above herhead.“Manyofmyfunctions
are inoperable, includingtelecommunications. Thesatellites needed don’t seemtoexist.”
“Butyoustillhaveourlistof targets, correct?” sheasked.
“I do,” Benjy said. “Infact,thefirstonewasonthatbus.”
Miss Information turnedher attention to the shakenpassengers,whonowstoodin
groups on the side of theroad. She spotted a tall, leanelderlymanwith brown skinandabristlywhitemustache.Hewasrubbinghisneckasifhehadwhiplash.
“Mr. Escala!” she cried,rushingacrossthestreet.“Mr.Escala!”
Surprised, theman took astepback.Hisfacewasfulloffear. “How do you knowme?”
“Oh, I don’t know you,Mr. Escala, but I’ve beenhaving a big problem withone of your relatives.ThinkingaboutmovingtotheUnitedStates?”
“My son talks about it,”Mr. Escala said. “Who areyou?Areyouresponsible forthisaccident?”
“Allow us to roll out thewelcome wagon,” MissInformationsaid.
Thor picked up a taxicaband threw it down the street.It bounced around like abowlingball,slammingintoafire hydrant. A geyser ofwater shot into the air,drenchingthecrowd.
Mr. Escala’s eyes werefullofterror.
“The United States is noplace for your family,”MissInformation said. “This is alawless country filled with
maniacs. You should go totheairportnowandgetonthefirstplanehome.”
Petrified, Mr. Escala ranaway.
Ms. Holiday watched himgo. “Do you think that willwork,Benjy?”shesaid.
The little orb spun aroundand clicked. “There is aninety percent statisticalchance that it succeeded.However,theonlywaytotest
for accuracy is to goback toour present and see forourselves.”
“No time, Benjy. Who’snext?”
“There’s a Mr. Deweyworkingasamechanicintheyear 1995,” Benjy said.“Records indicate he’s thefuture father of DuncanDewey. According to hisFacebook page, it appearsSeptember first is the day he
metDuncan’smother,Aiah.”“Very good,” Miss
Information said. “Let’s gosayhellotothehappycoupleand make sure they becomeveryunhappy.”
Shesetthelittleboxontheground and it regained itsform as the time machine.Moments later, she and thechildren were spinning theirwaytoward1995.
Ruby slept on a Skee-Ballramp and woke with alaundry list of achingmuscles. Unfortunately, her
stiff neck and back werenothingcomparedtothepainin her face, which hadswollen to thesizeofapartyballoon. She was clearlyhaving an allergic reaction,one of her most severe, butfor the life of her she couldnotfigureoutwhatkind.
She took two allergytablets, then searched thepizza parlor for herteammates. She found them
with the principal in one ofthebooths,peeringata largepepperoni pizza. It appearedtobeice-cold.
“There’snothingtoeatbutpizza, in case you werewondering,”Matildasaid.
“Cold, ugly, disgustingpizza,”Duncansaid.
“I’m glad you’re awake.Wehavenews,”theprincipalsaid.“Heathcliff,you’reon.”
Heathcliff beamed. “Last
night,ataroundelevenP.M.,aNASA satellite detected amassive energy spike on ourlocal power grid. Oddlyenough, it happened at aschool, the Margreet ZelleDetention Center for theIncorrigible. But there’ssomething that makes thiseven more interesting. TheNational Weather Servicesatellite helped me trackdown the exhaust fumes ofMiss Information’s flying
bus. Guess where the trailends?”
“The Margreet ZelleDetention Center for theIncorrigible,”Rubyguessed.
“And there’s more!”Heathcliff said, sinking atoken into a nearby arcadegame. A moment later,images of Loudmouth, Thor,Funk, and Snot Rocketappeared on-screen. “Guesswherethesefourfreaksgoto
school.”“You found her!” Jackson
cried.“We found her,”
Heathcliff said. “MissInformation’s secret hideoutislessthansixmilesaway.”
“Suit up, kids. You too,Heathcliff.You’regoingwiththem,”theprincipalsaid.
The boy’s grin was aswideasTexas.
Ruby couldn’t believe
what she was hearing. “Idon’t think that’s a goodidea.”
“Desperate times call fordesperate measures,” theprincipal growled. “Suit up,kids.”
Margreet Zelle DetentionCenter for the Incorrigiblelooked like Alcatraz prison’sbaby brother. It had anelectrified fence lined with
barbed wire, four guardtowers, and bars on all thewindows.
“Well, it’s not SugarlandAcademy,”Ruby said as sheeyed a door with a sign thatreadSOLITARYCONFINEMENT.
Duncan had his noseburied so deep in the screenof his handheld trackingdevice that he nearly walkedinto the wall. “I’m usingsonar. There’s definitely
somethingdeepbeneathus.Acave.”
“How do we get to it?”Heathcliffasked.
Flinch reached into hispocketand tookoutacoupleof candy bars, which he atewithoutunwrapping.“I’lljustsmashthroughthefloor.Givemeasecond.”
“Or we could use this.”Duncanopenedalockerdoor.
“Noway!”Matildasaid.
“Yes way,” Duncan said.“Justlikeours.”
Matilda and Jacksonfought to be the first to takethe entrance. Ruby followedthem, and in a flash shewaswhisked down a mile-longtunnelandabruptlydepositedinto the remains of a secretbunker that looked oddlyfamiliar.
“She copied thePlayground,” Heathcliff said
whenhelandednexttoher.“It’sidentical,”Rubysaid.Thewalls,columns—even
the ceramic tiles—were thesame.Therewas a commandcenter and a desk whereBenjaminwouldhover.
“Ms. Holiday has reallytaken a leap off the highdive,” Jackson said. “She’sgot her own team ofsuperpowered kids, her ownPlayground—it’s like she’s
trying to re-create what sheoncehad.”
“Could this be a result ofthe villain virus?” Matildaasked. “Could some of theevil nanobytes have survivedandadaptedinsideher?”
Rubywasn’t sure what totellMatilda.The informationAgentBrandhadsharedwithher and the principal feltprivate.Atthesametime,theothers deserved to know that
their Ms. Holiday was aninvention.Shedecidedtotell.
Thenewsseemedtobreaktheirheartsasmuchasithadbrokenhers.
“Maybethevirusmadehercrazy,”Flinchsaid.
“Huh?”Rubyreplied.“When you guys were
infected with the evilnanobytes,allofyoutookonnew personalities. You alsogot reallysmartand invented
things you couldn’t possiblyhave created before. Ms.Holiday already had twopersonalities:herrealidentityasaRussianspy, thenasourlibrarian. Actually, if youthink about it, she had topretend to be an Americanspy,too—”
“This is gettingconfusing,”Matildasaid.
“No,IthinkIunderstand,”Duncan said. “Ms. Holiday
was juggling three uniquepersonalities. When she wasinfected, she took on thefourth—Miss Information.Maybe she couldn’t handleanother one and somethingbroke.”
“So she really is sick?”Jacksonasked.
“Maybe,” Duncan said.“But it would explain whyshedidn’t goback tonormalwhen Flinch destroyed the
virus.”A flicker of hope sparked
in Ruby’s chest. If theirformer friend was in themidst of a nervousbreakdown, perhaps shecouldbetreated.
“What’s this?” Jacksonsaid. On the blackened floorthere was a large pristinecircle.
Duncan removed a devicefrom his backpack. He
flipped it onandaneedleonits screen bounced arounderratically. “The radiationhereisoffthecharts.”
“Probably one of herdoomsday devices.Thinkwegot lucky and it blew up inherface?”Matildaasked.
Duncan shook his head.“Only if it vaporized her.Thiscircle iscompletelyfreeof dust or ash. No, it’s likesomething was here … and
thenitwasn’t.”“Maybeit’sateleportation
device,”Heathcliffsuggested.Duncan shrugged.
“Maybe. I’ll have to turnthesereadingsovertothebigbrains.Theymightbeabletomakesomethingofit.”
“Tell them to make ussomepizza,too,”Flinchsaid.
“I say we split up andsearch this place,” Heathcliffsaid. “Miss Information and
her goons might have leftsomething behind we canuse.”
Ruby bristled atHeathcliff’s overstep, but itwasagoodidea.
“Fine,” she grumbled.“Juststayonthecom-links.”
The children went theirseparate ways through theexpansive facility. Everyroom seemed so familiar. Itwas both creepy and sad for
Ruby, since she knew they’dnever be able to return totheirownheadquarters.
She came to whatappeared to be an upgraderoom. She knew that MissInformation’s BULLIES hadupgrades, and it made hersick to her stomach that thevery thing that made herspecial could be twisted intosomething so ugly anddangerous.
“Findanything?”Ruby jumped. Heathcliff
wasrightbehindher.“Geez…”“Didn’tmeantoscareyou,
boss,”hesaid.Ruby searched her
allergies for signs ofduplicity. Even though shedidn’t find any, shewas stillsuspicious. Nanobytes hadturned Heathcliff into aterrible monster. Brainstorm,
as he once called himself,could literally change realitywith a single thought. Shedidn’t like seeing him soclosetoanupgradechair.
Ruby sneezed and heardDuncan’svoiceinherhead.
“Hey, guys, I foundsomething!”
“C’mon,” she said toHeathcliff, and breathed asigh of relief when the boyfollowedher.
They found Duncanhovering over one of thesciencestations.
“What’s that?” Jacksonasked, pointing at a hugedrawing tacked to acorkboard. It looked like aFrisbee with a wheel in thecenter.Therewasalsooneofthe most complicated mathequationsRubyhadeverseenwrittenalongsideit.
“Think that’swhat caused
theexplosion?”Flinchasked.“I have no idea,” Duncan
said, gesturing to Heathcliff.“But I know someone whomightunderstandit.”
Heathcliff studied thedrawing.
“Whatisit?”Jacksonsaid.“Somekindofdeathray?Anatom smasher? A dinosaur-cloningdevice?”
Heathcliff scratched hishead, then said, “These are
the schematics for a timemachine.”
“A time machine!”Jackson cried. “Evil or not,that’scool!”
“Flinch, pull that downandwe’ll take it back to thebase,”Rubysaid.“Who?”Ruby turned to Jackson.
“Flinch.”“Who’sFlinch?”“Jackson, he’s standing
right—”Ruby turned to where
Flinchhadbeenstanding,buthewasgone.
She turned her head backandforth,searchingtheroomforhermissingteammate.Allthe while the pressure in herhead grew. The ache wasintense.Whatwascausingtheswelling?
“Where did he go? Youcan’t just get up and leave
during a mission. Flinch!Flinch!”
“Ruby, are you feelingOK?”Matildaasked.
“Where’s Flinch?” shesaid.
Everyone looked at her asif she were smacking herselfin the face with a flyswatterwhile singing “I’m a LittleTeapot.”
“Ruby, there’s no one onthe team named Flinch,”
Duncansaid.Rubywonderedifshewas
in themiddle of a prank butquickly ruled it out. Shewasallergictopranks,andbesidesher fat, agonizing head, shewasn’texperiencinganyotherallergicreactions.
“None of you rememberJulio ‘Flinch’ Escala?” Rubyasked. “Strongkid, eats a lotofcandy?”
The other agents looked
back at her with mystifiedexpressions.
“Duncan, he’s your bestfriend!”Rubysaid.
Whatwashappening?Didher friends really notremember their hyperteammate? No, that wasn’tpossible,unless…
“She’s built a timemachine!” Ruby shouted,suddenly realizing what herswollen head was trying to
tellher.“I know where Ms.
Holiday and the BULLIEShave gone,” she said. Herteammates lookedather,andshe took a deep breath.“August16,1987.”
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:RAGSTHEWONDERMUTTREALNAME:RAGSYEARSACTIVE:
1983–84CURRENT
OCCUPATION:UNKNOWN
HISTORY:RAGSWASNOTTHE
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THENERDSROSTER,BUTHEWAS
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ENTIRETEAMAND
SOONSPENTHISNIGHTSEATINGPUPPY
CHOWANDSLEEPINGINTHEPLAYGROUND.
ONENIGHT,WHILETHETEAMWAS
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EMERGEDJUSTASSTINKYBUT
WASFASTERAND
STRONGERANDHADAMONSTROUS
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UPGRADE:WITHTHEUPGRADES,RAGSNOTONLYCHASEDCARSBUTNOWCOULDCATCH
THEM.WITHHISSUPER-ENHANCED
TEETHANDJAWS,HEONCESTOPPEDATANK
THATWASBARRELINGTOWARD
THOMASKNOWLTON
MIDDLESCHOOL.UNFORTUNATELY,RAGSSANKHIS
TEETHINTOTHEWINGOFASPACE
SHUTTLEASITWASTAKINGOFF
ANDWASNEVERSEENAGAIN.
Heathcliff watched Ruby’sfacefillwithdesperation.Shelooked frantic andoverexcited. Yes, she was
uptight, controlling, andbossy,butshewasusuallythecalmest person on the team.Seeing her so freaked outmadehimnervous.
“Flinch doesn’t existanymore!”shecried.
“Maybe you should sitdown,”theprincipalsaid.
“NO!” she shouted. “Ichecked all the computers.Julio Escala was never amemberof this team.In fact,
hewasneverevenborn.”Ruby paced back and
forth. “I know what you’rethinking, but you’re wrong.I’m not crazy. We’re in themiddle of a crisis, people.Andweneedtomovefast.”
“Where?”Matildaasked.
“Itoldyou!1987!”“Why do you think that?”
Duncansaid.Ruby pointed to her
swollen noggin. “Theallergiesdon’tlie!IthinkI’mallergic to something big—something like my friendsvanishing from existence. Idon’t know. This one’s notpart of the 8,765 catalogedreactions my upgrades candetect.”
“Ruby, you need to calmdown.Backupandtrytohelpus understand,” Heathcliffsaid.
Rubysnatchedhimby thecollar.“Sheerasedhim!”
“First, you’re choking meto death. Second, I don’tknow what you’re talkingabout,”Heathcliffsaid,tryingto pull himself away andfailing.Forawirygirl,RubyPeetwasstrong.
“Ruby, you’re tired. Wewere up late last nightsearching—”
“Yes! That’s it! I canproveit.Rememberthatnewsclipping we found? The onefrom 1987 that had a photowith Miss Information andthe BULLIES in it? Followme!”
Heathcliff followed herthrough the maze of arcadegames. Suddenly, Ruby
started pumping tokens intothe one they had been usingthe previous night. Shetapped a few buttons andpulledonthejoystickandtheold newspaper article theyhad found reappeared. Therewas the photo of the caraccident with Ms. Holiday,Tessa,andtheBULLIES.
“The computer glitch,”Heathcliffsaid.
“No!” Ruby shouted. “I
knowItoldyouthatyouwerecausing the software tooverload, but what if youweren’t? What if this is anactualpictureofMs.HolidayandTessaLipton?”
“That’s not possible,”Duncansaid.
“Someone from Flinch’sfamilymusthavebeenatthisaccident!”shecried,pointingat the photo. “She’s changedthe past. She’s erased our
friend.”“Listen, I love Doctor
Whoasmuchasthenextguy,buttimetravelisn’tpossible,”theprincipalsaid.
“You still don’t believeme? Then how do youexplain this?” she asked,waving the drafting paperthey had found in the evilPlayground.
“What is it?” theprincipalsaid.
Heathcliff took it andsmoothed out the wrinkles.His eyes grew big.His heartbegantorace.Hefelt likehemight pass out. “She built atimemachine!”hecried.Themore he read, the more herealized that the womanhadn’t tried to build a timemachine … she had built atimemachine.
“And she’s using it toerase us one by one,” Ruby
criedoutinapanic.Heathclifftriedtocalmhis
breathing.“I—IthinkRuby’sright. I think she might beallergic to changes in thespace-time continuum. ThatmightbewhysheremembersthisFlinchkidandwedon’t.”
“That’s what I’ve beentrying to tell you! Myallergies have been goinghaywireallday.”
“So what do we do?”
Duncansaid.Rubypointedtothe designs. “We need ourown timemachine.We needto go back and stop her.Heathcliff, you get thescientists started on theseplanswhile the rest of us gogethim.”
“Who is ‘him’?” Matildaasked.
“The world’s worst oboeplayer!”
Alexander Brand wastrying to write a song abouthis feelings. He had decidedearly on that it should be a
country-and-western songbecause all the best songsabout broken hearts werecountry-and-western. Thelyricswouldhavetobeabouta bad librarian who liked tobreak a man’s heart beforedashing off to do it tosomeone else. He evendecided on a name for thesong: “The Screwy DecimalSystem.” Unfortunately, thesonghadthreestrikesagainstit.First, youcan’tplaya sad
country-and-western song onan oboe. Second, Brand wasthefurthestthingfromapoet.And third, his singing wasalmost as bad as his oboeplaying.
He carried the instrumentout to thedockandsatdownon the folding chair. Heinserted the reed into hismouth, inhaled, andbegan toplay a few jerky notes. Thenhestoppedandsang.
Shefinedmyheartlikeanoverduebook.Threwmeontheshelvingcartwithoutasecondlook.I’vewalkedasadroadallacrossthisnation,AndIcan’tgetmyheartbackintocirculation.
“You really arebad at theoboe,boss.”
Hedidn’thavetoseewho
itwas.HerecognizedRuby’sstubbornvoice.
Heturnedtofaceher.Duncan,Matilda, Jackson,
and the principal stood nextto her. Duncan had ahandkerchiefinhishandsandthe principal was holding alengthofrope.Rubyheldthecostume head of a cartoonmouseinherhands.
“Your girlfriend built atime machine,” Ruby said.
“She’sgonebacktomuckupthepast.She’salreadyerasedamemberoftheteam.Thisisthe biggest threat we haveeverfaced,andweneedyourhelp.”
Brand shook his head. “Ialready told you I wouldn’tgoback,”hegrumbled.
“OK, well, don’t say Ididn’t try to be nice,” Rubysaid. She reached into herpocketandpulledoutasmall
aerosol can, aimed it at hisface, and sprayed. A whitemist filled his nose andmouth.
“What is this?” But heknewwhat itwas.He’d seenit in the Playground. It wasgoing to make him sleepy.Very,verysleepy.
Duncan shoved thehandkerchief into his mouth,and the principal tied hishands. A moment later the
costumed head of a cartoonrat plunged him intodarkness.
People in the diner werestaring.
“What?You’veneverseena woman in a skull mask
eating a sliceofpiebefore?”MissInformationasked.
They turned their eyesback to their meals, thoughthey shot nervous glances atherfromtimetotime.
“I don’t think it’s you,”Snot Rocket whispered. “Ithinkit’syourboyfriend.”
Miss Information cuddledup to the scarecrow. “Ah,1995,” she said. “So quaint.Don’t you just love the
clothes and the hair, Alex?Everyoneissounkempt.”
“Whenarewegoingtogetto work?” Funk asked. Theboy had refused to orderanything and sat with hisarmscrossed.
“Sweetie pie, you areworking,” she said. “We’vealready checked off one ofourtargets.”
“I have no idea whatyou’re talking about,” Funk
said, steamed. “We harassedsome Mexican guy andhopped around on that timemachine, and all we have toshowforitisabunchofupsetstomachs.”
Thor still looked a littlepale.
Miss Information pointedherforkatFunk’sface.“ThatMexican guy was thegrandfather of one of ourenemies. His son and
daughter-in-law had twochildren, and one of themhappened to be thehyperactive strong boy whokickedyourbuttsattheWhiteHouse.Well,guesswhat?Hewas never born—at least notintheUnitedStates.He’snotin D.C., he doesn’t havesuperstrength, and he didn’tbeat you up yesterday. Weliterally bullied him out ofexistence. You’re giving thefuture an atomic wedgie it’ll
neverforget!”The BULLIES cheered—
allexceptforTessa.Miss Information watched
her closely. When Tessanoticed,shesmiledweakly.
“So,whatarewedoing in1995?”Tammyasked.
“We’re here to interrupt afirstdate,”shesaid.
Benjy floated out of thepaper bag that was lying onthetable.
Diners rose from theirseats andmade a beeline fortheexit.
“Aiah Dewey met herhusband, the father of oneDuncan Dewey, on this dayinthisdiner…Andhereshecomes now,” MissInformation said as bellsjingledonthefrontdoor.
In walked Aiah, abeautiful seventeen-year-old.Sheandhergaggleoffriends
giggledandchatteduntiltheysaw Miss Information’smask, the floating ball, andthe scarecrow.Their laughterstopped, and they tentativelytook a booth in the back oftherestaurant,asfarfromthemotleycrewaspossible.
“Tessa, you’re up,” shesaid. “Our Romeo should bealonganyminute.”
Tessanodded andwent towork on her face. A few
twistshere,afewturnsthere,and soon she was the mirrorimage of Aiah Dewey. Evenherhairwasidentical.
Therewasanotherjingleatthedoorandatall,handsometeenager walked into thediner. He wore a white T-shirt and jeans covered ingreasesmears.
“Hey, Avery,” a waitresssaid.“How’sthecar?”
“You’ve got a busted
water pump, Rose,” hereplied.
The waitress frowned.“How much is that going tocost?”
Avery smiled. “Next tonothing.Ipulledoneoutofajunker at the dump. It’s likenew.You’llbeabletodriveithometonight.”
Rose’sfacelitup.“Avery,you’re the best. How muchdoIoweyou?”
“Onechocolatemilkshakeand we’ll call it even,” hesaid.
“All right, Tessa,” MissInformation muttered. “Youneed to do something beforeheseestherealAiah.”
“He seems like a niceguy,” Tessa said. “We’rewreckinghislife.”
“A guy like that will findsomeone else,” MissInformationsaid.“You’renot
having second thoughts, areyou?Ifyouwantyourdadtogo to prison, we can just goback.It’sreallyuptoyou.”
Tessa nodded and got outofthebooth.
Miss Information watchedher walk over to Avery. Sheflashed him a smile and heflashedoneback.
“Hereyougo,Avery,”thewaitress said, handing him alarge glass filled to the top
with chocolaty goodness,whipped cream, and a cherryontop.
“Thanks,Rose,”hesaid.“No,thankyou,”Rosesaid
before moving away to pourcoffee for a customer at thecounter.
“So … I hear you fixthings,”Tessasaid.
Averynodded.Tessa took themilk shake
from his hand and poured it
onhishead.Itdribbleddownhis face and all over hisclothes.
“Well, fix this,” Tessasaid.
Avery sputtered andgrabbedahandfulofnapkinsfrom a dispenser. He wipedthedrinkoutofhiseyes.“Areyoucrazy?”
“Yes, I’m crazy. Youshould stay away from me,Avery,” Tessa said, then she
turned toward the team.“Let’sgetoutofhere.”
Funk’s face grew big andtoothy.“Thatwasepic.”
Miss Information grinnedandgottoherfeet.“Allright,team!That’stwodown,threetogo.Who’snext,Benjy?”
The little ball clicked andbuzzed. “According to bankstatements, Ben Choi, fatherof Matilda ‘Wheezer’ Choi,purchased a ticket to South
Korea for a flight leaving at2:35 P.M. on September 14,1990.Itisonthistripthathemethisfuturewife,Matilda’smother.”
“Unless, of course, somekind of trouble occurs at theairport,” Miss Informationsaid.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:THIRDDEGREE
REALNAME:AMOS“JUNIOR”CASTO
YEARSACTIVE:2001–07
CURRENTOCCUPATION:CEOOFHAWAIIANTROPIC
SUNTANLOTIONCORP
HISTORY:AMOS’SPALESKINWAS
HIGHLYSUSCEPTIBLETOSUNBURN.
FIVEMINUTESOUTSIDEWITHOUT
APPLYINGANINCH-THICKLAYER
OFSUNSCREENANDHEWOULDTURN
INTOAFLAMING-HOT
TOMATO.SOMESTUDIESSHOWEDTHATSTANDING
NEXTTOTHEBOYWASENOUGH
FORAPERSONTOCONTRACTA
VICIOUSREDBURN.MOSTOFTHESKINDAMAGE
OCCURREDONTHELOWERHALVESOFHIS
ARMSANDLEGSANDONHIS
NECK,DUETOTHESHORT-SLEEVED
SHIRTSANDCUTOFFJEANSHE
WOREEVERYDAY.
UPGRADE:THIRDDEGREE’SBURNS
WEREENHANCEDSOTHATTHEY
GENERATEDHEAT,ALLOWINGHIM
TOSTARTRAGINGBONFIRES
WHENEVERNEEDED.
The NERDS and theprincipal dragged AgentBrand into MartyMozzarella’s, which was
mercifully deserted for thenight.Brandstillworethebigmouseheadandwasgroaningindignantly.
The principal waved thechildrenasafedistanceaway.“He’s angry. I’m going totaketheheadoffandthenthegag, so be careful of histeeth.”
Brandblinkedhardagainstthe restaurant’s harshfluorescent lighting. As soon
asthegagcameout,sodidatirade of potty language notappropriate for print. Rubywaited patiently for him tostop, but there seemed to beno end in sight. When hedidn’t calm down, she tookthegagfromtheprincipalandstuffed it back into Brand’smouth.
“Sorry, boss, butwe haveto act fast. Here’s what’shappening. Ms. Holiday has
built a playground just likeours.”
“Identical,”Matildasaid.“She’s assembled a team
of kids just like us,” Rubysaid.
“They even haveupgrades,”Jacksonsaid.
“They call themselves theBULLIES,”Duncansaid.
“Her science team createda time machine,” Ruby said.“She’s already erased one of
our members, a kid namedFlinch, who you won’tremember because he neverexisted, and now she’sprobably going after the fourofus.”
“You mean three,” theprincipalsaid.
“Huh?”“There’sonlythreeofyou
on the team, unless you’recounting Heathcliff, but he’sjusthelping.”
Rubylookedaroundatherfriends.“Where’sDuncan?”
“Who?”Matildaasked.“Duncan Dewey! Agent
Gluestick!”The others gave her the
increasingly familiar You’regoingcrazylook.
“Aaargh!” Ruby shouted,thenturnedherattentionbackto Brand. “Your girlfriendjust erasedDuncanDewey! Iknow you don’t remember
him,buthewasa reallyniceguy.”
Brand moaned somethingunintelligiblethroughhisgag.
“Shush!”Rubysnapped.“Iknow you want to sit up atyour stupid cabin and scareaway the wildlife with youroboe, but you might be ableto reach whatever is left ofMs. Holiday, so you’rehelping whether youwant toornot.”
Ruby looked to theprincipal.
He nodded. “Yeah, whatshesaid.”
Ruby removed thehandkerchief from Brand’smouth.Theformerspytookalong,frustratedbreath.“Well,Iguessthat’ssettled.”
Rubysmiled.“Heathcliff, you’re on!”
theprincipalshouted.Heathcliff raced into the
room,armsfilledwithpapersandacalculator.HecametoascreechinghaltinfrontofMr.Brand. He peered into theformerspy’sshaggyface.
“Whathappenedtohim?”Brand growled and
Heathcliffjumpedback.“Where are we with our
timemachine?” the principalasked as he untied Brand’shands.
“Well,firstofall,whoever
designedMs. Holiday’s timemachine was a realknucklehead. I mean, it’sgenius, but every time sheturns it on, it threatens todestroy the universe. It’sobviousthatit’sbasedontheDecoyer Loop Universetheory, which is like so lastyear,but—”
“Can you turn the sciencedown to one and theEnglishuptoten?”Jacksonasked.
“Yeah, sorry,” Heathcliffsaid. “Basically, her timemachine rips a huge hole inspace-time,whichcouldhavesomenastysideeffects.Blackholes.Supernovas.Plus,it’sadirty technology and bad forthe environment. I threw outher entire design and startedover with a pet theory ofmine. Ihavealwaysbelievedthere are tiny tears in thespace-time continuum—littledimples, if you can imagine.
Turns out I’m right. They’reallovertheplace,andwecanstretchonesoit’sbigenoughto travel through. It’s muchsafer, and we don’t need ahugemachine.”
“Sohowdowefindoneoftheseholes?”Matildaasked.
“Alreadydone,”Heathcliffsaid. “There’s one right hereinthisrestaurant.”
He gestured to themulticolored ball pit at the
center of the room. A tangleof tubes connected a hugepulsating engine to the pit.“I’ve attached it to a low-grade nuclear power source.I’mchargingthebatterycellsnow. It should be readysoon.”
“OK, I know I’m the C-minus member of this team,butevenwithatimemachine,how are we going to findher?” Jackson asked. “Miss
Information and her toadsquad could have goneanywhere.Or‘anywhen.’”
“Sheallowedherself tobephotographed during her tripto August 16, 1987.Something she and her teamdid thereerased…whatwashisnameagain?”
“Flinch,”Rubysaid.“Yes,Flinch.Allwehave
to do is go back to that dayandstopherplanandweget
Flinch andGluestick back inone shot,” Heathcliffexplained.
“I can’t do this,” Brandsaid.
Ruby turned to him, fullyprepared to unleash everyounce of her anger andfrustration. His broken heartwas not going to get in thewayofherbeingborn.She’dput him back in the mousesuitifhewouldn’tcooperate.
“… unless you let meshave,” Brand continued. “IfI’mgoingtostopmyexfromruining the world, I want tolookhot.”
While the remnants of herteam waited for the timemachinetobootup,Rubysatat an arcade game andsearched police records fornews of her disappearancefrom home. What she found
was worse than she’dimagined. Her mother andfather had appeared on thenightly news, Grandpa Saulhad done an interview withtheWashingtonPost,andhercousinshadbuiltaFindRubyPeet website. Herdisappearancehadgoneviral,and hundreds of peopleweresearching all over Arlingtonfor her. She couldn’t standknowing the suffering shewas putting her family
through. She felt like crying,remembering the lastconversationshehadwithhermomanddad.
But then she found anewspaper article with aphotograph of her house.Parked on the street was afamiliarblackcarandbehindthe steering wheel was thesame Secret Service agentwhohad takenher to see thepresident. The principal was
right.Theywerewatchingherhouse, probably tapping thephones, and waiting topounceiftheygotsomuchasahintthatRubywasreachingout.
At that moment, shewould’vebeenhappytoopenupanydrawerherniecesandnephews wanted to explore.Shewouldletthemtearaparther socks and ignore her TVremote instructions and build
forts in her bedroom withfilthy bricks. She wantednothing more than to watchher big, loud, obnoxiousfamily turn the house into acomplete and total mess.Especially now, when therewasagoodchanceshecouldbe wiped out of existence atany moment. Then theywouldn’tbesearchingfarandwide for her—they’d forgether completely. Somehowthatwasevenworse.
“We’re ready,” Heathcliffsaid, approaching hercautiously.
“Brand?”“Hejustfinished.Iwonder
if I had fortyminuteswith abarber, manicurist, and atailor if I would look thathandsome.”
“It’s really hard for you.Isn’tit?”sheaskedhim.
“What?”“Nothavingafamily,”she
said.Heathcliff’s shoulders
slumped, and he nodded.“SometimesI feel like I’m aboatontheoceanandIcan’tfind land no matter whichdirectionIsail.”
Ruby looked back at animageofherfamily’sworriedfacesonthenews.Shedidn’tknow what kind of life shemight have in the future, butif she could fix all her
problems, she’d nevercomplain about a crowdedhouseagain.
The team gathered at theballpit.Ruby’sglandsached,andshelookedaroundwarily.“Where’s Matilda?” Rubyasked.
Jackson, Heathcliff, theprincipal, and Brand juststaredather.
“Not another one!” Rubyexclaimed. “We have to do
thisfast.Let’smove!”Heathcliff adjusted some
dials and checked a pressurevalve.“Oneofushas tostayhere andkeep an eyeon thismachine. It needs a lot ofpower, some of which I’mpulling off the local grid. Ifthe lights go out, ourconnectionwillbecutandwecould be lost in timepermanently.”
“Andwho is thatgoing to
be?”theprincipalsaid.Everyone looked at
Heathcliff.“Me?Noway!”“Heathcliff!”Rubycried.“My life is at risk, too,
right? If anyone should stay,it’s one of the grown-ups.She’s after team members,notstaff!”
“Hodges, I need the mostcapable people on thismission,” the principal said.
“Ruby and Jackson haveupgrades. Brand is a trainedsecret agent. I was a GoldenGloveswinnergrowingupinNewJersey.”
“Andmyargument is thatyoushouldstayandwatchthemachine,”Heathcliffsaid.
“Me?”“Yes, you. Of all the
people associated with thisteam, Miss Information hasthe least grudge against you.
Ifsheevenbotherstopreventyour birth, she’s going to doitlast.”
The principal growled.“Aargh! He’s right. Brand, Ihate this job. I need to crushsome skulls! I can’trememberthelasttimeIgavesomeone a concussion!Oncethisisover,I’mresigning.I’llgobacktothekitchen.Imissmyspatula!”
Brand looked at
Heathcliff. “Looks likeyou’realongfortheride,kid.How does this machinework?”
Heathcliff beamed. “Allyouhavetodoisjumpin.”
Brand eyed themulticolored balls. “Ofcourse,”hegroaned.
Usinghiscane,hecrawledintothecenteroftheballs.
“Get down in there,”Heathcliffsaid.
“Is there no end to myhumiliation?”Brandfellontohis back and let the ballsswallowhim.
“Looks like it works,”Jacksonsaid.
“Iwasalittleworriedhe’dbe sucked into a miniatureblack hole. If so, his entirebody would have beencrushedbyanintensegravity.Andwe’dhavehad towatchthe whole thing,” Heathcliff
confessed.“Get goingwhile you still
can, Heathcliff,” Rubyordered.
Heathcliff snatched hisbackpackand leaped into thepit. A moment later he wasgone,too.
Ruby’s head suddenly feltas if someone had hooked abicycle pump to it and wasfillingitfullofair.“Allright,Jackson.You’reup.”
“Who?” the principalasked.
Ruby whipped around,lookingforherteammateandhis amazing braces, but hewas gone. If she didn’twanttobenext,shehadtoactfast.Shedoveunder theballsandsuddenly felt as if she weresinking into a huge Jell-Omold. There was ashimmering feeling to theairand a coppery taste in her
mouth like she was suckingonapenny,andthen—BAM!—shewasgone.
Thetripfeltalittlelikethetimes she had dropped intothe Playground from herschool locker. But this tubeseemed to be made of lightand stars that branched offlike the veins in a humanbody. The tunnels led toendless possibilities; onemighttakehertothedawnof
man, another to Earth’s finaldays. Thereweremillions ofdestinations.Shehopedshe’dstayoncourse.Thingswouldgo from bad to worse if shelanded in the time ofdinosaurs.
Suddenly, she hitsomething. It was hard andcold and smelled a lot likepizza.Shepulledherheadoutof the balls. Brand andHeathcliff were waiting by
the side of the pit, but therestaurantlookedexactlyasitdidamomentago.
“It didn’twork,” she said.“Itwassupposedtotakeustothe street that MissInformation and theBULLIES arrived on in1987.”
“No, it worked,” Brandsaid.Hepointedtoatablefullof kids happilymunching onpizza. Theywore faded bell-
bottom jeans and platformshoes. They looked likeextras from a TV show herdad loved called The BradyBunch.Atone table, thekidswore tie-dyed T-shirts andpants covered in rhinestones.She’d seen clothes like thesein her grandmother’s closet.Oddly enough, the restaurantlookedexactly the sameas itdid in her time, except thevideo games had beenreplacedbypinballmachines.
“This iswhatpeopleworein1987?”sheasked.
“We’renotin1987.We’rein1977,”Heathcliffsaid.
“1977?Whydidyousendussofarback?”
“That was my idea,”Brand said. “A girl withsuperallergies, a boy genius,andaspywithabumlegareno match for fivesuperpowered kids and acrazy woman.We need help
from kidswho know how tohandle these kinds ofsituations. Unfortunately, theNERDS team of 1987 wastrapped in an ice prison byDr.Frostbitethatsummer.Sowe’re going to recruit somenewteammates—namely, thegreatest NERDS team everassembled.Thefirstone.”
“You mean Four Eyes,Macramé, Ghost, Beanpole,andStaticCling?”Rubycried
as her heart did a backflip.Shehadstudiedthecasefiles;she knew everything aboutevery agent who had everbeeninNERDS.Iftherewasa team that could help themwiththeBULLIES,itwastheNERDSof1977.
Rupert P. Breckinridge IIIlooked at his teammates andgrimaced. They were acollection of sharp elbows,
bony knees, runny noses,scabs, and insecurity. If theirjobwas to protect theworld,thentheworldwasinserioustrouble.
“Is there no betterway toget into this facility? This isinsanity!” Special DirectorPreston shouted after a tubehad deposited him into aleatherchair.
Rupert had been in thattube himself, and he knew it
wasn’t a fun ride, nor wascramming into the locker togettoit.
Preston retrieved a shoethat had come off during thetrip, then took off his horn-rimmed glasses and rubbedthemonhispant leg.Oneofhis pens was leaking in thepocket of his white short-sleevedworkshirt.Apieceoftoilet paper was stuck to theback of the poor man’s pant
leg. Rupert sighed. The bosswas a bigger nerd than hisagents.
“Inthreeweeks,theschoolabove this facility will openand youwill begin attendingclasses with the rest of thechildren. When that daycomes,thefiveofyouwillbeofficially activated and senton missions, so we need todouble-time your training.Let’s get back to our karate
practice.”Hetookoutabooktitled Karate for Beginnersandflippedthroughitspages.
Rupert wondered, not forthe first time, why Prestonhad been put in charge of agroup of superpoweredagents.Sure, hewas a spy—but most of his work hadbeen in code breaking. Hehad no practical missionexperience, no hand-to-handcombat training, and his
karate knowledge came fromwatchingHongKongPhooeycartoons.
“Aww, man!” came apredictable whine fromCarmelloGotti,anItaliankidsopudgyhemighthavebeenmade out of dough. Ruperthad heard that before beingrecruited onto the team,Carmello hadn’t so much asthrown a ball. Now he hadspecial implants in his
gigantic round hairdo thatfired massive blasts of staticelectricity. “Can’t we dosomething else? My parentsare getting suspicious of allthebruises.”
“No, they’re not. Theyassume what everyone elseassumes—that BillyDunklemanisbeatingyouupagain,” came the sharp,sarcastic voiceofMayPrice.Herwitwasalmostasfastas
her fingers, which weresupercharged with specialgloves, allowing her to knitanything she could imagineoutofyarn.PrestoncalledherAgentMacramé.
“Burn!” Mikey Buckleysaidasheburstintolaughter.He was as skinny as acornstalk andhadabrain fortechnology. He still hadn’tchosen a code name heconsidered cool enough but
was toying around with“FantasticBoy.”
“You guys are mean,”MinnieDupontsaid.Thetinygirl pressed a button on herjacket and vanished. AgentGhosthadaverycoolpower,and as far as Rupert couldtell, she was the only onewith a skill that could bevaluable for spying.Unfortunately, she wasbrutallyshy.
“People! We need tofocus,” Director Preston saidmeekly, but he was ignoredwhile the agents argued foranothertenminutes.
Rupert sighed. TheNERDSwere never going tobecome a team. They didn’tevenlikeoneanother,andallof them had scored zero onthe self-confidence meter. Itwas a shame, really. WhenRupertwas recruited, hewas
sure the groupwould changehis life.But it looked likehewas headed back to themundane world he camefrom, the one where he waschased home everyday byMatt Phaltz, the psychopathwho enjoyed ripping thewaistbands out of Rupert’sFruit of the Looms. Well,Rupert liked his waistbands.Herefusedtogoback!
What they needed was a
James Bond type, a leader,someone the others couldrespect. If Preston couldn’tmotivate the team, Rupertwould do it himself. Heflippeddownoneofthemanylenses on his special glassesand a blast of white energyshotoutofhiseyes,causinganearbywalltocrumble.
“QUIET!” he shouted.“You kids are the mostintolerable, unprofessional,
frustrating, lazy, and crankydweebs I have evermet.Mr.Preston has tried everything—pep talks, being yourfriend, being your enemy,being a drill instructor,begging, bribery—and noneof it hasworked.Youbickerendlessly. You skip trainingsessions. You aren’t evensurehowtouseyourgadgets.You treat this headquarterslike it’s some kind of …somekindofplayground!”
Preston blinked. “Yeah!”hecried.
Rupert pushed his glassesup on the bridge of his noseand looked around. “Youmight be perfectly happy togo out on a mission and getyourselves killed, but I haveno plans to join you. Sohere’s the deal: Take thisseriouslyorquitandgobackto being the pathetic, bulliedmisfits you were six weeks
ago.”The threatseemed tohave
the desired affect. Thethoughtofhavingtoreturntotheirnormallives,withoutthegadgets, was more than theNERDScould imagine.Eachone tried to stand a littletaller.
“Goodness gracious!”Preston shouted when hediscovered his ruined shirt.“Let’s take five while I find
somethingelsetowear.”Hedashedoff, leavingthe
childrenalone.“OK,he’suseless,”Rupert
said. “So if we’re going tolearn to fight, it’s up to us.Each one of us has a skill,and if we work together, wecan be unstoppable. That’swhy they chose us. So let’sget back to training! Who’swithme?”
Rupertcouldhavehearda
pindrop.Minnie raised her hand.
“Um,Igottagetgoing.”“Yeah, me too,” added
May. “TheGong Show is oninfifteenminutes.”
“I’ve got work to do onBenjamin,”Mikeysaid.
“Are you still working onthat stupid calculator?” Mayasked.
The boy grew defensive.“It’s called a computer, and
someday it will be a hugeasset. I’m programming itwithalltheknowledgeofoneofAmerica’sgreatestspies—BenjaminFranklin.It’sgoingto talk, and think, and helpwith mission reports. I’vealready figured out how tomakeitfly!”
Hepressed abutton andamassive machine at the farend of the room let out achorus of screaming gears as
itroseoffthefloor:oneinch,then two, then three—then itcamecrashingtothefloor.
“Way to go, FantasticBoy,”Carmelloquipped.
The team shuffled towardtheexittubes.
Rupert took one of thetubes up to his locker. Thehallwaywasemptyexceptforacrewofjanitorsscrewinginlightbulbs and touching uppaint jobs in preparation for
the first day of school. Hewas glad something wasalmostready.
“Hey,FourEyes!”avoiceshouted the moment Rupertsteppedoutsidetheschool.
Rupert cringed. It wasMattPhaltz!
He took off runningwithout looking back butcould hear Phaltz and hisfriends running close behind.They were shouting and
laughing as they chased himdownthestreet.
“Leave me alone,” hecried, but they ignored hisplea.Hemadeasharpturnatthe corner and was nearlyhomewhenhetrippedoveragardenhosesomeonehadleftlyingonthesidewalk.Hefellhard, bruising his knees andwrists,andbeforeheknewit,the bullies were on top ofhim, trying to de-pants him
right there in the middle ofthestreet.
“C’mon, guys! Leave mealone,” he begged. Thethought occurred to him toflip his laser lense down onhis glasses and blast thebullies tokingdomcome,buthe and the others had vowednot to use their gadgets oncivilians. Itwouldblow theircover,and theirdevicesweretoodangerous.Butthatdidn’t
mean he had to take abeating.
Hepulledhisfistbackandswung. Matt Phaltz wentsprawlingacrossthesidewalkwith a puffy eye. The onlyproblem was, Rupert hadmissed. His fist had neverconnectedwiththebully.
Dumbfounded, Rupertlookedaround just in time tosee Phaltz’s toadie Mitchcrumple to the ground,
followedbyTyandPaulie—allatthehandsofanerdygirlwith glasses and poofyyellow hair, a redheaded kidwho was probably half thesizeofPhaltz,andamaninablacktuxedo,holdingacane.
The girl smiled. “I hopeyou don’t mind, Four Eyes.I’mallergictobullies.”
“Who are you?” Rupertasked.
“RubyPeet,andletmesay
what an honor it is to meetone of the greatest membersof NERDS that ever lived.I’vereadallyourfilesand—”
Rupert flipped the laserlens on his glasses andprepared to fight. His secretwas out, and clearly theseenemy agents had been sentto kill him and the others. “Idon’tknowwhoyouare,butyou won’t take me alive,”Rupert said. He’d heard
someone say that on anepisodeofS.W.A.T.Itseemedappropriate.
“We’re not here to hurtyou,Rupert,”theboysaid.
Rupert could feel the heatin his glasses as his laserpreparedtofire.“Iaskedyouwhoyouare.Someonebetterstarttalking!”
Themanhobbledforward.“My name is AgentAlexanderBrand,andI’mthe
director of the NationalEspionage, Rescue, andDefense Society from thetwenty-firstcentury.”
“The twenty-firstcentury!”
“Some bad guys arecomingandonlyyoucanhelpusstopthem,”Rubysaid.
“How can I help you? Idon’t get activated for threeweeks!”
“We need you, pal,” their
redheaded friend said. “Andwe need your team—thegreatest fighting force theworldhaseverseen.”
“Next thing she’s going totell us is she’s from outerspace. Do you know LukeSkywalker, too?” Carmello
saidwhenRupert’s teamhadreassembled to hear Ruby,Agent Brand, and Heathcliffpleadtheircase.
“Wow,youareevenmoreannoying than your filesuggests,” Ruby said to theboy.
“If you’re NERDS fromthe future, show us yourgadgets,”Maysaid.
RubylookedatHeathcliff,then back at the kids. “We
don’thavegadgets.We’rethegadgets. I’mfilledwith thesethings called nanobytes and—”
“Nano-what?” Minniewhispered.
“Microscopic robots thatenhance our weaknesses,”Heathcliffsaid.
“Fascinating,”Mikeysaid.“Oh,yeah?”Carmellosaid
toHeathcliff. “What can youdo?”
“Well, um … I used tohavethesebigbuckteethandI could hypnotize anyonewholookedatthem,buttheygotknockedoutandnowI’min between powers … butRuby’s got superallergies,”Heathcliffsaiddefensively.
“Superallergies!”Carmello shouted. “Thefuture sounds pretty bogus.I’m going home to playPong.”
Ruby stepped in front ofCarmello.“Allright,bigguy.You want proof: Try to getpastme.”
“Iwouldneverhitagirlorapersonwearingglasses,andyou’reboth.”
Carmellotriedtosteppasther, but Ruby stopped himwith a punch to his flabbychest.
“Ow!Thathurt!”“Keepcoming,”shesaid.
“I’m not fooling,”Carmello roared. “If you hitmeagain,I’ll—”
Before he could finish,Rubyslappedhiminthefacefivetimes.
“I’m allergic to emptythreats,”shesaid.
Carmello stompedhis feetlike an overgrown toddler.His face was red from angerand welts. “Fine!” heshouted, charging like an
angry bull. Ruby leaped upand roundhouse-kicked himintheface.Hefelldownhardandstayedthere.
“Let’s see her attack asmaller target,” Minnie said,activatinghercloak.
Heathcliff watched Rubymove with lightning speedand land thunderous punchesat what looked like nothingbut air. She spun around andtherewasan“Oof.”Sheshot
her knee upward and therewasan“Aargh.”Shejabbedawicked uppercut and thenthere was a thump followedbyaweak“Iquit.”
When Minnie reappeared,shewasonthefloorwiththebeginningsof ablack eye. “Ibelieveher,”shecroaked.
“This is a very importantmission. The people we aregoing to confront aredangerous. Can we count on
you?” Brand asked thebewilderedkids.
Rupertnodded.“We’rein.We’ve only got oneproblem,” Rupert said.“We’re actually really lousyspies.”
“Theworst,”Mikeysaid.Ruby looked atHeathcliff
andAgentBrand. “What canwe teach them before Idisappear?”
Heathcliff, Ruby, and
Brand led theNERDS into atrainingroom.Heathcliffwasthrillednotonlytomeetsuchlegendsbutalsotofeellikeafullmemberoftheteamonceagain. Ruby was no longergiving him meaningless jobstokeephimbusy.
Brand taught the childrenallhecouldaboutsubmissionholds, pressure points, usingleverage against opponents,and using their minds to
combatmuscles.Hisyearsofsecret-agent training andknowledge of dozens offighting styles were spreadoutbeforethefreshmanspies,and Heathcliff hoped theywouldtakeadvantageofwhattheylearned.
Ruby focused onintelligence, preparing thechildren for the environmentthey would soon visit andgoingoveralltheinformation
abouttheBULLIESandMissInformation she hadcollected.
Heathcliff turned hisattention to each of thechildren’s gadgets, helpingthem understand theircapabilities, and evenmanagedtofindnewwaystouse them. Rupert couldcombine lenses to produce abright flash that couldtemporarily blind an
opponent. He expandedMacramé’s handiwork fromyarn and knitting needles torope and wire and evendiscovered she could chiselaway at hardened concretewith her superfast hands. Hetaught Ghost how to expandher cloaking technology tohideotherpeopleandobjectsas big as cars. He taughtStatic Cling how to create acharge in his hair that hecould hold and build in
strength,makinghiselectricalblast infinitely stronger.MikeywantedtobeknownasFantastic Boy for his abilityto invent gadgets on the fly.Unfortunately, of all theagents, he was the mostvulnerableinafight.
“So,” Mikey said, grim-faced. They sat before aworkstation he was using tocreate his inventions. “I sortofstink.”
Heathcliff shook his head.He knew exactly howMikeyfelt. “No, you have the bestgadget of the bunch. You’vegot a very imaginative brain.Yourheadwillprobablysavetheworldmorethantheothergadgetscombined.Whathaveyoubeenworkingon?Maybethere’s something here thatyoucanuseasaweapon.”
Mikeyshowedhima longstickwithaclawon theend.
Whenhe pushed a button onits tip, the claw contracted.“It’s for getting things off ofhigh shelves. I call it theGatorGrabber.”
“Um, probably not goingto be much help unless yourbadguyishidingontopofaChristmas tree,” Heathcliffsaid.“Whatelse?”
Mikey handed him whatlooked like a harpoon gunwith a plunger on the end.
“ThisistheSuctionGun.It’salso for getting things off ofhighshelves.”
“Right,”Heathcliffsaidashe tried to hide hisnervousness. “You seem tohave a thing about highshelves.”
“I’mtall,soeveryoneasksme to get things for them,”Mikey grumbled. “I buildthese things so people willleavemealone.”
“OK, but we needsomething that might beintimidating,”Heathcliffsaid.
“Oh! I got it!” Mikeyscooped up what looked likeapairofMoonBootsmadeofmetal.Heslippedthemonhisfeet and grinned. “What doyou think? I call themExtend-o-boots. They’redesignedtohelpyouget—”
“—things off of highshelves?”
Mikey nodded, thenfrowned.“Yeah.”
Heathcliff forced a smile.“Maybeyourskillsarebettersuited for communicationsorplanning.”
Mikey nodded. “Maybeyou’reright.”Heleanedovertotakeofftheboots,andwitha loud “Oops!” the bootsextended him thirty feet offthe ground on two spindlystilts.
Heathcliff cranedhisneckto look up at the boy.“Wow!”
“Sorry,thetriggerisprettysensitive,”Mikey said as thestiltsloweredhimbacktothefloor.
“Howhighcanthosego?”“Aboutfortyfeet,”theboy
shouted. “But I could designthem to go as high as ahundred.Why?”
“I think we’ve found
something we can use,”Heathcliff said. “Theseamazingbootsmakeyouintosome kind of butt-kickingbeanpole. In fact, that wouldbeagreatcodenameforyou—AgentBeanpole!”
The boy scowled as hedescended to his normalheight. “That’s the dumbestcodenameI’veeverheard.”
“Well, they can’t all bewinners.Theyusedtocallme
Choppers—wait, what’sthat?” Heathcliff asked,pointingtothemassivesilverboxbehindthedesk.
“Benjamin!” Mikey cried.He pushed a button on thebox’ssideanditglowedwitha blue light. “It’s called acomputer. The other guysthink I’m wasting my time,but someday it will help theteam with its missions—if Icanevergetitworking.”
Heathcliff removed hisbackpack and took out thetwo halves of Benjamin hewas trying to reassemble.“You’re not wasting yourtime.”
Mikeytookthepiecesandexaminedthemclosely.“Thisismywork.Imean,it’ssupertiny, but this motherboard ismy design! It works!Benjaminworks!”
“Actually,itdoesn’tatthe
moment. It’s damaged. Ialmost had it working again,but I had a setback,”Heathcliffsaid.
Mikey put on a set ofgoggles with thick lenses.“Well, it needs some wiringreplacement, but I see aproblem already. You’ve gota conductor in the wrongposition.”
He took a set of tweezersand went to work on the
robot’s inner workings.Heathcliff heard a click andthenMikeyhandeditback.
“That should do the trick.I’ve got some copper wiringover there if you need any,andfeelfreetousemytools.I’dlovetoseehowheturnedout.”
Heathcliff grabbed a fewthings he would need,thanked Beanpole, andshoved Benjamin into his
backpack just as Mayapproached.
“Agent Brand says weneed to go. We’re about asready as we’re gonna get,”shesaid.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:UNCLEMITCH
REALNAME:MITCHCASTO
ACTIVE:1998CURRENT
OCCUPATION:MANAGEROFAWAVERUNNER
COMPANY
HISTORY:MITCH,THEUNCLEOF
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CASTO,DISCOVEREDTHEPLAYGROUND
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AFTER-SCHOOLACTIVITIES.HEGOTTRAPPEDINSIDETHE
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DETERMINEDHISBIGGEST
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UPGRADE:DESPITEBEING
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MEMBERSANDSECURITYGUARDS.SHORTLYAFTER,
HISUPGRADESWERE
REMOVEDANDTHEUPGRADE
CHAIRWASREPROGRAMMEDSOTHATNOADULTCOULDRECEIVENANOBYTES.
When the time machineflashedintoAugust16,1987,Miss Information realizedthat perhaps she should have
entered more detailedinformation about exactlywhere in Washington, D.C.,the machine should dropthem. It occurred to her thatthey could have appearedright in the middle of trafficand been hit by a bus. Buttherewasnothingbarrelingatthem. In fact, there wasnothing in the street at allexcept fora fewparkedcars.It seemed peculiar that astreet in downtown
Washington, D.C., duringlunch hour would be soempty,butperhapsitwasjusthergoodluck.Onethingwasfor sure: She had anincrediblesenseofdéjàvu.
“Welcome to 1987, team.There’s no Wi-Fi, noiPhones, no Facebook, andMTV still plays musicvideos,”shesaid.
“What’s a music video?”Tessaasked.
MissInformationfrowned,suddenly feeling very old. “Ihateyou.Ihateallofyou.”
She pressed a button onher time machine andwatched it collapse into asmallbox.
She hefted Alex onto herbackandpulledBenjyoutofher pocket. The little robotfloated next to her, buzzingandtweeting.
“Manyofmyfunctionsare
inoperable, includingtelecommunications. I’veconcluded that the satellitesneededdon’t yet exist at thispointintime.”
“Butyoustillhaveourlistoftargets,correct?”shesaid.
“Ido.Infact, thefirstoneshould be along anymoment.”
Everyone peered downone end of the empty street,thentheyturnedtopeerdown
theother.Noonewascomingineitherdirection.
“You sure about that?”Tessaasked.
“I’m quite certain,” Benjysaid.
“Something’s wrong,”MissInformationsaid.
“Where are all the cars?”SnotRocketasked.
“Benjy dear, what time isit,exactly?”MissInformationasked.
“Twothirty,”hesaid.“Two thirty in downtown
D.C.Youshouldn’tbeabletowalk across this street, letalonestandinthemiddleofitfor five minutes, withoutseeingsomuchasakidonabicycle.”
“That’s ’cause weredirected the traffic,” a girlsaid as she stepped into theroad. Miss Informationrecognizedheratonce.Itwas
thepoofy-hairedkidwith thesuperallergies—Ruby Peet.“There’s a very importantperson on his way to theimmigration office and wewanted to make sure he gotthereunharmed.”
Themigrainecameonfullforce. Miss Information’sbrainfelt like itwasgoingtobreakintwo.Wasthisrealorwas itadream?Shecouldn’tbe certain. Whenever one of
the NERDS showed up, shelost her focus. But why?“Howdidyoufindus?”
“We followed you,”Rubysaid. “You see, you weirdoshave already been to thismomentandyoumadeahugemess. You destroyed a bus,smasheda taxicab, andmadea major blunder—you gotyour faces in the paper.That’s the thing aboutwearing a blackmaskwith a
skullonit,lady.Itdrawsalotofattention.”
A red-haired boy withglasses stepped next to her.Heathcliff! “It was easy tofigureoutthatyouhadbuiltatime machine, but we didn’tknow how to build oneourselves.Thatwasuntilyoumade your second mistake.You shouldn’t leave highlysensitive plans for timemachines lying around your
secretlair,”hesaid.“Orleaveatoxictrailtosaidsecretlairthatwaseasilytracked.Thoseare textbook no-no’s forsupervillains. Very sloppywork.”
“But that wasn’t yourbiggestmistake,Lisa,”amansaidashejoinedthechildrenintheroad.Hewaswearingatuxedo and using a cane. Itwas him—the man shedreamedabout!Buthewasn’t
supposedtobereal…“Yourbiggest mistake waspretendingtobesomeonethatwecouldcareabout,becausenow you’re surrounded bypeople who aren’t ready togiveuponyou.”
All of a sudden shecouldn’t stand. Her face feltlike itwas on fire, scorchingher mind and cooking hermemories, stirring them intosome confusing stew. The
name Alexander boomed inher thoughts.Alexander!Shelooked at her scarecrowboyfriend and then back atthestranger, tryingtotell thetwoofthemapart.
The man approached andtried to help her up, but sheslashed his face with herfingernails, drawing blood.Hefellbackinsurprise.
“Get away fromme,” shecried. “Whatever you think
you’ve stopped, you’rewrong. You’re outnumbered.BULLIES!”
Her team circled her,readytoattack.
Fivemore children joinedthe trio. She had never seenanyofthembefore,indreamsor in real life. They were acollection of runny-nosedlosers holding some weirdgadgets—clearly, no matchforherBULLIES.
“Kill them!” MissInformationcommanded.
Tessa raised her hands.“No!” she cried. “Youdidn’ttell me I’d have to hurtanyone. I just wanted mydad’sattentionandI’vemadethings worse. I can’t get mydadbacklikethis.”
“Oh, Code Name to BeDecided,youdisappointme,”Miss Information growled.“BULLIES, break some
heads, starting with yourleader.”
The BULLIES assaultedeverything thatwasn’t naileddown. Thor threw anuprooted tree at theNERDS,which missed and crashedinto a building. The losershadtoleapoutofthewayofSnot Rocket’s mucusmissiles, which blew up aparked car. Tammy’s voiceknocked over a phone booth
that landed within a foot ofRubyPeet.Funkunleashedadarkcloudofbodyodoroverthe entire battle that causedeveryone to double over,gagging.
Miss Information watchedallthedestructionadmiringly.These kids were like artistswhousedviolence insteadofpaint.Theywereincredible!
Tessawas heartbroken.Allthis fighting and destruction,and for what? So her daddywould give her a hug?What
hadshebeen thinking?Now,here shewas,ahuman targetinthemiddleofanenormousbattle.Shehadtoescape.Buthow?
She scanned the road andquickly spotted her answer.The shiny silver timemachine was lying on thesidewalk where MissInformation had dropped it.Ducking explosions, she ranto it and pressed the buttons
just like she had seen herwicked boss do. It unfoldedright before her eyes. Thecontrol panel dazzled withpossibilities, but whereshould she go? And when?Was there some place in allof space and time that shecould hide from MissInformation? Her heart sank.The answer was likely no.The woman was relentless,and it wouldn’t be longbeforeshe’dbeerasingTessa,
too.If that were the case, she
wantedachancetosaygood-byetoherfamily.
Sheenteredanaddressanda date, and with all herstrengthsheturnedthewheeltostartthemachine.Itbarelymoved. She wasn’t sure shewas strong enough, but shehad tobe.Slowlybut surely,with straining muscles andtears streaming down her
cheeks, she turned thewheelfasterandfaster.TessaLiptonvanishedfromtheyear1987.
When the machinestopped, she stood outsideArlingtonMemorialHospital.The readout said July 29,2001. She pressed the buttonthat shrank the timemachineandshoveditinherpocket.
“Hi, I’m looking forsomeone who just had ababy,” she told the
receptionist.“Areyoufamily?”Tessasmiled.“Iam.”Moments later, she stood
outside room 408, peeringthrough the doorway at hermother and father. Theylooked so young. Her momheld a newborn girl in herarms. She looked exhausted.Her father was talking on acellphone.
She checked the hall for
prying eyes then transformedher face until itwas amatchforthereceptionist’s.
“Hello, Mr. and Mrs.Lipton,” she said when sheslipped into their room. “Ihear congratulations are inorder.”
Her father waved her off,busywithhisphonecall.Hermother smiled. “This is mybabygirl—meetTessa.”
Tessa smiled at herself.
Darn,Iwascute,shethought.“Youmustbeveryproud.”“Oh,weare.”“Seems like your husband
isaverybusyman,”shesaid.“He is,” her mother said.
“He’srunningformayor.”Her father held the phone
to his chest and flashed hisbest smile. “I hope I cancountonyourvote.”
“Well, I’m not so sureaboutthat,”Tessasaid.
“Oh?”“I hardly think I could
vote for someone who putshis business before hisfamily.”
Her father’s face turnedpinkwithembarrassment.Helooked at the phone andflipped it closed. “I feel likeI’mgoingtogetalecture,”hesaidsheepishly.
It was Tessa’s turn toblush. She had to be careful.
She didn’t want tomake herparents so mad they wouldask to have her removed,especiallysincethismightbethe last time she ever sawthem.
“What Imean is, a leaderhas to have time for hisfamily.”
“She’s right!” her mothercried.“Youhaveabrand-newbaby girl and you’re on thephone.”
Tessa turned to hermother.“Anddon’tyoumakeexcuses for him missing outon things, Mom—I mean,Mrs.Lipton—youhavetoputyour foot down. Thisman isgoing to be the presidentsomedayand—”“President?” her father
said.“Don’t give him any big
ideas,”hermothersaidwithalaugh, then turned to her
husband. “She’s right, youknow.Thislittlegirlisgoingtoneedyou.Idon’twantyouto run for any office if thefamilyhastosuffer.”
Her father thought for along moment and thensmiled. “All right. It’s adeal,”hesaid,takingthebabyinto his arms. “Now let metake a look at my little girl.She’s a beauty. Just like hermom.”
“She’s going to love youlikecrazy,”Tessasaidassheopenedthedoor.
“And the feeling will bemutual,”herdadreplied.
She congratulated themagain, and closed the doorbehind her. When the coastwas clear, she shifted herfeaturesbacktoherown.Shesmiled,happythatifshewereto suddenly not exist that atleast she would go knowing
that once upon a time, theLiptonswerearealfamily.
Despite the chaos aroundthem, Alexander approachedMiss Information with openarms.“Lisa,Icanhelpyou.”
“My name is not Lisa,”MissInformationsaid.
“Fine, Viktoriya. But Iknow you as Lisa Holiday,”hesaid.
Viktoriya. Why did thatname seem familiar? AndLisaHoliday?Wherehadsheheardthatnamebefore?Wait—Lisa was a librarian. Shewore cardigan sweaters andbakedcookies.She tookcareofsomeveryspecialkidsand
she was in love with a spy.ShewasLisa.
NO! SHE WAS MISSINFORMATION.
TheNERDScharged.Oneof the kids shot Thor with alightning bolt, another builtan enormous net out ofmacramé and tangledLoudmouthinsideit.Asmall,frailgirlvanishedrightbeforeher eyes, and seconds later afloating piece of lumber hit
Snot Rocket in the nose.Anotherkidfired lasers fromhis eyes, and yet anothersnatched Funk by the collarand roseonstilts four storiesintotheair.
Thestrangemancontinuedtoward her. “I know aboutyour past. I know about thespyingandthevillainvirus.Ialso know that you’ve gonethrough something that noperson could handle. You’renotwell,butIcanhelp.”
“I don’t need your help,”she shouted. “And you don’tknowme!”
The headache came back,and without warning she
reeled back like a cobraprotecting her nest. With asudden, forceful punch, shehitthemanonthesideofhishead. He fell to the groundandlaystill.
“Benjy, where did I putmytimemachine?”
“I observed Ms. Liptonstealing it several minutesago.I’mafraiditisgone,”theorbclicked.
“Oh, poo!” she said.
“Wait!Howdid thismangethere?”
The orb spun around inmidair. “My sensors aredetecting trace elements oftemporal radiation withintwenty yards,” it said. “Itcouldbeusedinatimetraveldevice.”
“Benjy? Do you see thatupaheadinthemiddleoftheroad?”
“Itappearstobeapoolof
colored plastic balls,” therobot said. “The nuclearsignature is emanating fromit.”
Miss Information smiled.“Benjy, do you have a dateforMs.Peet?”
“June 14, 1996. On thatday, Francis Peet and hisfiancée, Sarah Kaplan,married in a beachcommunity called FairHarbor,partoftheFireIsland
regionofLongIsland.”“Let’s go crash a
wedding!”
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:DUDEBOT
REALNAME:45XATTACKDROIDACTIVE:1987CURRENT
OCCUPATION:DEACTIVATED
HISTORY:45XWASTHECREATIONOFTHEEVILMASTERMINDHENRYSINISTER.ITMALFUNCTIONEDDURINGABATTLE
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BECAMEDUDEBOT,THEPARTY
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HIMWITHABASEBALLBAT.
UPGRADE:OTHERTHANHISABILITYTOANNOYPEOPLEWITHHISSTUPID
CATCHPHRASESANDSINGINGOFTHESONG
“CHEESEBURGERINPARADISE,”DUDEBOT
HADNOREALPOWERS.
Ruby watched as theBULLIESretreated.Luckily,they’d backed off just as theNERDS were about to lose
thefight.Herteamfrom1977hooted and hollered. Theyhad their first mission undertheir belts. She foundHeathcliff in the crowd, andtogether they located AgentBrand,whowas lyingon theground, unconscious. Thechildren shook him until hiseyes opened and then helpedhimtohisfeet.
“That woman’s got aserious left hook,” he said,
rubbinghistemple.“She knocked you out
again? This is starting tobecomeahabit,”Rubysaid.
Brand frowned. “Where’dtheygo?”
“I have a bad feeling shewent there,” Heathcliff said,pointing toward their timemachine.
“That’s not good!” Rubyshoutedasshetoreofftowardthe pit. The NERDS and
Heathcliffsprintedafterher.“I’m sorry,” Rupert cried.
“Those weirdos just got upand ran off. I thought theywere trying to savethemselves from more butt-kicking. I didn’t think theywere going to use our timemachine.”
“It’s not your fault. Youguys did a great job,” Brandsaid.
“Wheredoyou think they
went?” Ruby asked asHeathcliffpressedbuttonsonthecontrolpanel.
“Accordingtothelogtheywent to somebeachonLongIsland,”Heathcliffsaid.
Ruby grabbed him by thecollar.“Whatday?”
“June14,1996.”Ruby felt like someone
had just sucker punched herinthegut.“That’sthedaymyparents got married! She’s
going to try and stop thewedding.”
“Let’sgo,”Brandsaid.Hesnatched the controls fromHeathcliff, pressed somebuttons, and leaped into thepit. A second later he wasgone.
“We’ll go with you, too,”Rupertsaid.
“No,” Ruby said. “If theybeatus, they’ll come foryounext. Go back to your time
andgetreadyforhertoshowup. If she stops you, theNERDSwillneverhappen.”
“Do you think we’reready?”StaticClingasked.
Ruby nodded. “More thanready.”
Heathcliffclimbedintothepit. “Pretty awesome tomeetyou,”he said to theNERDS,then sank below the balls.Rubywasnext.
“Goodluck,”Rupertsaid.
“You too,” Ruby said asshevanishedfrom1987.
She found Heathcliff andAgent Brand waiting for heronawoodendockthatlookedout over a bay. There was asmall receiving building, atiny fire station, and aplaygroundinthedistance.Acouplekidsonbicyclesracedeachother,andtheskywasadark gray with low-hangingcloudsthreateningrain.
“Have you seen them?”sheasked.
Brandshookhishead.“Nosignofthematall.”
Heathcliffturnedtooneofthekidsonabike.“Hey,didyou see a woman in a skullmaskandfourkidscomepasthere?”
The kid screeched to ahalt. “Hard to miss! Theywereheadedforthebeach.”
He pointed down a
pathway in between somecottagesanddensepatchesoftrees.
“C’mon,” Ruby said,rushingdownthepath,whichwas nothing more thanwooden planks stuck in thesand. The houses that linedthe boardwalk were quaintsummer rentals with nameslike Ferryport Landing andLand Ho! Her parents oftentalked about Fair Harbor. It
was one of her family’sfavorite vacation places. Herhomewaslinedwithpicturesof them on the beach,building drip castles, andeating lactose-free ice creamcones.
The island was less thanthree-quarters of amilewideso Ruby, Heathcliff, andBrandsoonarrivedatasandybeach. The salty Atlantic airpinchedRuby’s nose and the
crash of the surf filled herears.Notmorethantenyardsaway stood her mother andfather, both young, andwildly in love. Sarahwore alonglacywhitedressandhadflowersinherhair.Herfatherwas in an old-fashionedthree-button suit and had hispant legs rolled up to hisknees. Neither of them woreshoes.Theywere surroundedby family. She spottedGrandpa Saul, Aunt Laura,
UncleEddie,Uncle Jeff, andtherest.Therewerenochairs,so they gathered around thehappycouplewhileaman ina white suit read passagesfrom a book titled TheVelveteen Rabbit. Oddlyenough, no onewas arguing.Infact,shesawsmilesonallof their faces. Her big,chaotic,bickeringfamilywasactuallygettingalong.
“Whereisshe?”Heathcliff
whispered.“I have no idea,” Brand
said.“What’s the plan?”
Heathcliffasked.“Let’smingle,”Rubysaid.
“If the BULLIES attack, atleast we’ll be where theactionis.”
The trio crept onto thebeach and joined the crowd,smiling at people and actingasiftheybelonged.
“Sarah Kaplan, do you,before friends and family,give yourself to this man,Francis Peet, to be hislawfully wedded wife aswitnessed by this gatheringandheavenabove?”
Sarah’s smile wasblinding.“Ido.”
“Francis Peet, do you,before friends and family,give yourself to this woman,Sarah Kaplan, to be her
lawfully wedded husband aswitnessed by this gatheringandheavenabove?”
Francisnodded.“Ido.”“And now by the powers
vested in me, I declare thismanandthiswomanlawfully—”
“Now, now, let’s not getahead of ourselves,” said avoice frombehind thegroup.Ruby’s heart sank. It wasMissInformation.
Everyone turned to seewho had caused the ruckus,andacollectivegasperuptedfrom the crowd when theysaw her mask and gang ofmisfits.The scarecrow in thetuxedodidn’thelp,either.
“Isn’ttheresupposedtobea part where you ask ifanyone objects?” MissInformation said. “’Cause Ireallydoobject.”
“Listen, lady, this is a
private function,” GrandmaRosesaid.“Sowhydon’tyoutakeitdownthebeach?”
“Yeah, what kind oflunatic just walks up to aweddingandcausestrouble?”AuntSuzishouted.
“Are you crazy?” UncleKevincried.
“I’M NOT CRAZY!”MissInformationroared.
Ruby, Brand, andHeathcliffsteppedforward.
“These people areinnocent,”Rubysaid,lookingstraight at Miss Information.“I’mnotgoingtoletyouhurtthem.”
“Hey, kid, thanks for thehelp,butwedon’tneedit.Noone messes with the Peetfamily,” Uncle Eddieshouted. “We’re fromBoston!”
“Or the Kaplans,”Grandma Tina cried,
“representingLongIsland!”“Your feeble posturing
doesn’t impress me, folks,”Miss Information said.“Unless you people want toget hurt, I suggest you callthis wedding off and gohome.”
“Get her!” Grandpa Saulshouted.
Much to Ruby’s surprise,the entire wedding partyrushed at Miss Information
and the goons. They tossedfull bottles of wine andswatted at the intruders withumbrellas. Grandma RosebeatSnotRocketwithoneofher shoes.Uncle Jeff shoveda bouquet of flowers intoFunk’s mouth. MissInformation backed towardthesurf,dodgingflyingplatesandtraysofcookies.
“Do you think you cancome here and cause trouble
and get away with it?” AuntDelynnshouted.
Just when things couldn’tget worse for the thugs, thesky opened up and rain felldown in sheets, soakingeveryone but not quenchingthe family’s anger. In thestorm, the villains stumbledback.Thorslippedandfellinthewetsand.
“Well, I have to admit, Ididn’tseethiscoming,”Ruby
said as she stood back andwatched themob attack theirenemy.
“I don’t know who theworldhas to fearmore:MissInformation or your family,”Heathcliffsaid.
Miss Information tried tododge a flying purse.As shestruggled to stayupright, sheaccidentally dropped Alex,and the waves dragged thescarecrowouttosea.
“Alex!” she cried. “Don’tleaveme!Whatuse is rulingthe world without the man Ilovebymyside?”
The strange dummy sankbeneath the water anddisappeared.
Snot Rocket whined, “Ican’t see a foot in front ofme.”
AuntLaurahithimwithabouquet of flowers, followedbyanenthusiasticpunch.
“Whatarewedoinghere?”FunkaskedMissInformation.“Areyoujustsendingusfromone time to the next so wecan feel what it’s like to getbeatenupindifferenteras?”
Thorgruntedangrily.“You ungrateful little
toads!” Miss Informationsaid, fighting off GrandmaTina. “I turned you kids intogods, and you haven’tstopped boohooing for a
second. When we get back,you’reallgoingintothetigercage.”
“ThenIquit!”Loudmouthshouted, and without a wordshe jumped into the ball pitandvanished.
Rubywassoaked,andherwet, poofy hair fell into hereyes.“Heathcliff,Ican’tseeathing.What’shappening?”
“They’re all abandoningher,” Brand replied. “I just
saw Snot Rocket and Funkuse the time machine.Heathcliff, you need to stopthem. Ruby and I will stayhereandstopLisa.”
“Um, reminder here! Idon’t have any powers,”Heathcliffcried.
“But you’re one of us,”Ruby said. “Do the best youcan!”
Heathcliff took a momenttomusterallhiscourage,and
then he sprinted through themob and leaped into the ballpit.
Miss Information stoodher ground. “Benjy, howaboutahand?”sheshouted.
“I’m afraid I do not havehands,” Benjy said. “But Iwilldomybest.”
The little orb darted intoaction, floating above thecrowdandfiringtinyblastsofelectricityateveryone.
“Whywouldshedothis?”Sarah cried into Francis’sarms. “She ruinedeverything.”
“No, she hasn’t,” Rubysaid to her mother. “If youwanttobeinthisfamily,youhave to have an appetite forchaos.”
Francis laughed. “Youknow—she’sright.”
Sarahgrinned. “I’msorry,butdoweknowyou?”
“Notyet,”Rubysaid.“C’mon,” Brand shouted.
He raced into the crowd andRuby followed. She watchedas he got beneath the robotorb Miss Information calledBenjy.He swung his cane atit, attracting two nasty boltsof electricity just before heconnected. When it fell intothe sand, he stomped on it,cracking it into three pieces.Thepurplelightfaded.
“Nice shot, boss,” Rubysaid.
“Yeah, did you ever playanybaseball?”
Ruby turned to see whoowned the voice and foundJackson,Matilda,Flinch,andDuncanstandingbehindher.
“You’re back!” she said,pulling themall into a grouphug.
“I’mnot surewhat you’retalking about, but I’m pretty
sure this hug is weird,”Matildasaid.
“We’ll explain later,”Brand said. He pointed atMiss Information, who wascrawling into theballpit anddisappearing.“She’sgivenuponyou,Ruby,butshe’sofftocause trouble somewhereelse.”
“We’ve got to go afterher,” Matilda said. “It feelslike I haven’t socked
someone in the jaw in likeforever.”
“No.Heathcliffneedsyou.Figureoutwherehewentandstop the BULLIES,” Brandcommanded as he walked tothepit.“I’llgoafterher.”
“But—”Rubysaid.“That’s an order,” Brand
said as he climbed into thetime machine. A momentlaterhewasgone.
“What are we doing backhere?” Funk asked as SnotRocket led them through theempty corridors of Miss
Information’slair.“It’s a week before we
firstleftthetimestream.Theboss abandoned us, Tessabetrayed us, and I’m tired ofgetting my butt kicked by abunchofnerds. If theycomelooking for us, they’re goingto regret it,” Snot Rocketcried.
When they got to theupgraderoom,hepressedthebutton to open the door and
draggedtheothersinsidewithhim. A moment later, thedoor closed and a bank oflaser lights scanned theirbodies.
“Didn’t we already dothis?” Loudmouth cried. “Ithurtlikethedickens.”
“We’redoingitagain.Ifitmadeusstrongthefirsttime,imaginewhat itwilldo touswhen we go back forseconds,” Snot Rocket said.
“We’llbeunstoppable.”“SCANNING FOR
STRENGTHS,” anelectronic voice said.“ENHANCEMENTSAVAILABLE INITIATEUPGRADE?”
“Do your worst!” Funkshouted.
The needles and tubesdroppeddownaroundthem.
Heathcliff emerged fromthe ball pit inside MissInformation’slair.Hefiguredbynowtheremustbeballpits
all over the timeline. He’dhave to remember todeactivate them all when hereturned to his original time.If he returned. He hopedRubyandBrandwouldcomefind him when they werefinishedwiththeirtimeline.Itwouldbeno fun livinga lifewherehewas aweekbehindhimself.
He heard the BULLIES’footstepsechoingdownahall
and so he followed them,catching up just as theyentered the upgrade room.The metal door closed tight,sealing them inside. Heshuddered at what he knewwas coming next. Upgraderooms granted incrediblepowers. No one, however,hadevergottenadoubledoseof nanobytes. He dreadedfinding out how it wouldchange the BULLIES. Healso knew there was nothing
hecoulddotostopthem.Thedoor was locked, and evenshutting off the powerwouldn’t stop the upgradeprocess.
So hewaited, and tried tocome up with a plan. Howwas he, the shrimpiest of theagents, with zero powers,going to stop four hulkingfreaks? And then it dawnedonhim.IfMissInformation’ssecret lair was just like the
Playground, there had to begadgetsinthesciencelab.Hedashedthroughthehalls,pastthecontrolroom,andintothesciencecenter.Racingupanddown, he eyed onedangerous-lookingcontraptionafteranother.
He grabbed what lookedlike a laser gun from a low-budget space movie. He hadno idea what it did, so heaimeditatthewallandfired.
A second later everything inthe laser’s path was encasedinathicklayerofice.
“This could come inhandy,”hesaid,takingoffhisbackpack and unzipping it.Heplannedonstuffingitwiththe laser and anything elsethat would fit inside, but hiseyecaughtsomethingsilver.
Benjamin!Hewouldknowwhattodo.Theorbhadbeenthe greatest ally the NERDS
everhad.Carefully, Heathcliff laid
out the pieces of the brokenorb. Then he got to work. Itwasn’t long before thecharred copper wires weregoneandfreshoneshadtakentheir place. He double-checked his work, notwanting to repeat the tragedyof his last attempt. Then, hesnapped the two sidestogether and pressed the on
button.Asbefore,theballglowed
red before it turned blue.Spinningaroundonthetable,it clicked andbeeped, finallyrising upward until it wasinchesfromHeathcliff’sface.
“Benjamin?”“Heathcliff Hodges,” it
replied.Therewassomethingtentative in its voice. “I’mhaving some difficultyaccessing my satellite link. I
need to reboot for time anddate and hop onto the datastream—”
“Don’t do anythingunnecessary, Benjamin,”Heathcliff said. “We couldmess up your internalprogramming. We’ve gonebackintime.”
“I see…,” the robot saidwithevenmorehesitation.
“I’m so happy you’reback!Youwere damaged by
Ms. Holiday,” he said. “I’llexplain more later, but rightnow we have a biggerproblem. There are a bunchof thugs inside an upgraderoom and they’re getting amassive dose of nanobytes. Ihave no idea how to stopthem.I’mpowerlessand—”
Suddenly, Benjamin waszipping around Heathcliff’shead like an angry hornet. “Isupposethisispartofanother
one of your diabolicalschemes.”
“No,I—”“Youmightbeabletofool
the others, but I’ve beenaroundalongtime,kid.”
Heathcliff’s heart sank.“WhatdidIdo?”
“Huh?”“I have no memories of
the year and a half before Iwoke up in the Playground.Noonewilltellmeanything.
I know it’s bad, Benjamin,butIhavearighttoknow.”
The orb spun around andclicked. “Heathcliff, is thissomekindoftrick?”
Heathcliff shook his head.“The last thing I rememberwasJacksonjoiningtheteam.You know what happened,don’tyou?”
“An analysis of yourheartbeat indicates that youaretellingthetruth.”
Heathcliff wiped awaytearsandnoddedhishead.“Iam.”
“Areyousureyouwanttoknow?”
Heathcliffnodded.“Very well,” the orb said
as light shot out and swirledaround Heathcliff in a three-dimensionalprojection.
Hesawhimselfputtingona black mask with a whiteskull—exactly like the one
Ms. Holiday was nowwearing. He saw a machineonapatchoficeattheNorthPole.Hesawitrisingupintothesky,creatingamonstrousmountain. He saw himselffallingintothewater.Hesawhimself running through thestreets of Washingtonfollowed by an army ofsquirrels. He saw himselfthreatening a large fat manwholatertransformedhimselfinto a living machine. Then
he saw himself in grouptherapy with several othercostumed people. He sawhimselfblackmailRubywhenshecametohimforhelp.Hesaw himself stepping intoanother world and sitting inan upgrade chair and turninghimself into an enormoushead—afreakishmonsterthatcould wipe away the worldwith a single thought. Thenhe saw himself sedated andunconscious, attached to
tubes, as Flinch shrankhimself so he could beinjected into Heathcliff’sbrain.He saw the horror.Hesaw the fear. He saw thechaos.Hesawtheinsanity.
The projection stopped,but his head was ablaze.Every moment, feeling, anddarkplanofthelastyearanda half wrestled for hisimmediate attention. It wastoomuch.Hescreamedoutin
pain.He must have passed out
becausehewokeonthefloorwithBenjamin’svoiceaskingif he was OK. He stood up,dustedoffhisclothes,andrana tongue over the false teeththat had been inserted wherehisrealteethoncewere.
“I’m great, Benjamin. Iactually feel likemyold selfagain.”
He snatched the ball in
midair and raced out of theroom, down the hall, towardtheexittubes.
“Heathcliff, I’m sensingdisturbing sounds comingfrom this place’s upgraderoom. Shouldn’t weinvestigate?”
“There’snotime,”hesaid.“Why?”“Because, you stupid wad
of aluminum foil, I’m goingto take over the world!” he
cried.
Heathcliff floated down theentrance tube and landed onthe floor of the desertedPlayground. Because he’d
arrived aweek in the past tofollow the BULLIES, thePlayground hadn’t beendestroyedyet.
Benjamin squirmed in hishandbutcouldnotbreakfreefrom his grip. “Heathcliff,don’t do this,” the orbbegged. “Don’t abuse yourteam’strustagain.”
Heathcliffignoredthepleaand marched to the upgraderoom. Once inside, he
activated the process whilehis mind lit up withpossibilities. What kind ofpower would he have thistime, and how would it beuseful for taking over theworld? Would it help himseekrevengeonthepeopleheoncecalledfriends—theoneswho had lied to him formonths?
“SCANNING FORWEAKNESSES.”
The lasers danced overhim. The psychic powers hehad before had beendelicious.Ifonlyhecouldgetthemoncemore.Hewouldn’tmind the hypnotic teeth,either.Thosewerecool.
“SUBJECT HASSUPERIOR INTELLECTAND IS IN GOODPHYSICAL HEALTHCONSIDERINGCOMPLETE LACK OF
EXERCISE,” the computersaid.
“What’swrong?Don’ttellmeIamperfect!Youhavetofind something, no matterhowsmall.”
“WEAKNESSDETECTED,” the computersaid. “PREPARE FORUPGRADE.”
Tubes and needlesdropped from theceilingandhovered above his body. A
platform rose below him andforcedhimflatonhisback.Asecondlaterhisarmsandlegswerestrappeddown.
“What is it? What’s myweakness?”
“SUBJECTNEEDSHISPARENTS,” the machinesaid.“What?”“ONLYPARENTSCAN
STEERYOUTOWARDAHAPPY LIFE
UPGRADINGNOW.”“Howisthatgoingtohelp
me take over theworld?”heshouted, but themachine didnotrespond.
The needles injected himwith nanobytes and hewinced in pain. “Benjamin!Get me out of this,” hebegged.
“Sorry, Hodges. But if itmakes you feel any better, Iwould have thought you
needed a spanking,”Benjaminsaid.
Heathcliff watched as thetiny black robots swirleddownatubeandintoaneedleinsertedinhishand.Andtheneverythingwentblack.
“You’re alone, Hodges,” avoice said to Heathcliff. Hewas standing in completedarkness and couldn’t evensee his hand in front of his
face.“Alwaysalone.Whodoyouthinkistoblame?”
Heathcliffsnarled.“Idon’tneedalecture.”
“There is no one in theworld who needs a lecturemore thanyou.Lookaround.You have no family. Nofriends. How did thishappen?”
“Goaway!”“It was your anger. You
might have been someone
great, but you squandered itonrage.”
“Blah!Blah!Blah!”Suddenly, Heathcliff
found himself seated in amovie theater and the screenwasalightwithimagesofhisfuture.Hewashappy.Hewasmarried with a little boy ofhisown,andhewasteachinghim about science and hisfavorite comic bookcharacters. He had a great
job, helping people at alaboratory that mademedicine, and everynight hewent home, had dinner withhisfamily,andlaughed.
The movie stopped, andwhen the lights came on hewas surprised to see himselfsitting next to him, and evenmore surprised to see that itwasaversionofhimwithhisoldenormousbuckteeth.
“You gave that up,” the
figuresaid.“Youcan’tblamethe bullies for what hashappened. You can’t blameJackson Jones. You decidedon this path. Does it makeyouhappy?”
Heathcliff turned to hisdouble. “No, it doesn’t butwhatcanIdo?I’mevil.”
“Youstop.”“Juststop?”Theboynodded.“Juststop.Youhavemore
important things to do, youknow.It’stimetousethatbigbrainforsomethinggood.Gosavetheworld.”
Heathcliffwokewith a gasp.Benjamin was hovering overhim,zippingandshaking.
“If you move, I’ll blastyou,kid,”hechirped.
“Wanttohelpmesavetheworld?”
Benjaminspunaroundbut
said nothing for a longmoment.“Seriously?”
“C’mon!”Heathcliffcried.Hedartedoutof theupgraderoom.Heraceddownthehalland into the control center.“Benjamin,IneedtoseewhatourBULLIESareupto.”
A huge screen droppedfrom above and blinked tolife.ATVnewsanchorstoodin front of the school whilethe BULLIES—each one of
themnearly three stories tall,attacked the building.Whatever they had done inthe upgrade roomhad turnedthemintogiants.
“OK, that’s not good,” hesaid.“Allright,think.I’mtheonly member of the team inthis time stream and myupgrades … no upgrades.There are four monstersattacking our school. Anysuggestions?”
“We need more agents,”Benjamin said. “Should wecallinsomeveterans?”
Heathcliff shook his head.“Itwould take them too longtogethereandmostof themare too old for the upgradechair.What I need are somenew recruits. But where …”Helookedupward.
“Heathcliff?” Benjaminsaid with more than a littleworry in his robotic voice,
but Heathcliff was alreadyracingtowardtheexittubes.
He slammed a button onthepodiumandasecondlaterheandBenjaminweresuckedupintothelockersofThomasKnowlton Middle School.Heathcliffblastedthroughthetiny door and into an emptyhallway.
“Whereiseverybody?”“My sensors are detecting
a rather pungent smell,”
Benjaminsaid.“It’s called lunch,”
Heathcliffsaid.He ran down the hall and
shovedopenthedoubledoorsthat led to the schoolcafeteria. His arrival was soloud that everyone turned tohim.
“My name is HeathcliffHodges and I’m a spy.Whowantssuperpowers?”
Thekids lookedat himas
if hewere one flapjack shortofastack.
“A little help here,Benjamin?”hebegged.
The robot zipped aroundtheroomprojectingimagesofFlinch, Pufferfish, Braceface,Gluestick, Wheezer, andChoppers fighting bad guys.“He’stellingthetruth.”
All at once, every kid intheschooljumpedoutoftheirseatandcollectivelyshouted,
“Ido!”“Follow me!” Heathcliff
cried.Heranbackdownthehall
and threw his locker dooropen, shovingkids inonebyone.
“Just to be clear, I thinkthis is a terrible idea,”Benjaminsaid.
Heathcliff smiled.“Benjamin, this is the bestideaIhaveeverhad.”
Brand was very unhappywith where and when thetime machine had taken him—Nathan Hale Elementary,
May 1976. The school wasstillaconstructionsite.Metalbeams hung overhead andhuge industrial machineswere parked nearby. In ayear, the schoolwould open,and the NERDS would beborn. But on this day therewere no agents, no gadgets,and no fellow spies to helphimstopLisaHoliday.
“You’retoolate,”shesaid.Shewasstandingnearbywith
a sledgehammer resting onhershoulder.
“Am I?” Brand asked.“What is it you plan ondoing?”
“Why, I’m going todestroythissite.Imaynotbeable to erase your preciousNERDSagents,butIcanstillmake sure the organizationwas never born.” She swungtheheavyhammerathim.Hebarelyhadtimetostepoutof
itsway.“Why are you here?” she
asked.“Because I love you,” he
said.“And you think you can
help me? So one day I’ll bebetter and you and I can…what? Get married? Have afamily? Buy a house with alittle picket fence and savethe world on the weekends?That’snevergoingtohappen,
and it’s not because I’m sobad and you’re so good. It’sbecause I don’t care aboutyou.Inevercaredaboutyou.Youwere an assignment andImanipulatedyou.”
“Idon’tbelievethat.”She laughed. “You’re a
fool.DoyouknowhowmanymenI’vedonethisto?You’renotspecial.”
The words stung him, buthe kept moving toward her.
“Even with that mask on, Ican see you’re lying. Youaren’t bad. You aren’t MissInformation. You’re alibrarian who works at aschool full of superpoweredkids and you bake lousydesertsandworrytoomuch.”
Miss Information buckledoverinpain.
“Lisa!”“These headaches! They
confuse me,” she said. Her
bittertonewasgone.“It’s your mind rebelling
against what you’vebecome,” Brand said. “Let itgo,Lisa.Letallofthisgo.”
“Alex? Please help me,Alex.I’msoconfused.”
She reached up andremovedhermask.Therewasthe face thatmadehimsmile—the face that smoothed hisrough edges—but shewas insomuchpain.
“It’s going to beOK,” hesaid,takingherintohisarms.
He felt her jerk.Instinctively,he snatchedherhand.Therewasapipeinit.
“I almost got you!” shesaidwith awicked grin. Sheswung at him with her fistsand he hobbled out of herreach.Sheleapedintotheairwithafootaimedathisneck,but he batted it away andstepped to the side, grabbing
the back of her hair andslamminghertotheground.
She hopped to her feetwith unexpected agility andkarate-chopped his belly. Hebentoverinagonyandfelltoavoid another kick, rollingaway just as she stompedheeled boots where his neckhad been. One boot got soclosehehadtocatchitinhishands before it crushed hiswindpipe. He fought hard
against it, thrusting upwardand causing her to do abackflipinmidair.Shelandedsafely, but she was farenough away from him sothathehad time tostand.Hegrabbedhiscaneandwaveditather.
“Isthatallyou’vegot?”hesaid.
The taunt sent hercharging forward, but whenshe was close enough, he
used the cane to catch herfoot. A strong jerk and shewas flat on her face. By thegrowl she let loose he couldtell she was frustrated. Yes,get mad. Then you’ll makemistakes.
“Lisa—”“STOP CALLING ME
THAT!” she shrieked, racingat him like a runaway train.Her punches were fast andher feet faster. He blocked
every attack, but each blowtook more and more out ofhim. She pushed himbackward, step-by-step, andfinally he lost his footing,fallingoverabagofconcreteand slamming his head hardonamonkeywrenchthatwaslyingontheground.Hetriedto stand, but his legs wouldnotcooperate.
Miss Information grabbedahandfulofelectricalwiring
andwenttothetimemachine.She dipped one end of thewire into the ball pit andconnected the second to thecontrol panel. At once, ashriekingsoundfilledtheair.
“Your little time machineis nothing more than awormhole expander. I set itup to tear one into a raggedwound. The result will be averybigbang, sweetie.Oncethe battery cells overload, it
will vaporize this site andstop your headquarters fromeverexisting.”
Brand cursed his body.Whycouldn’thestand?“Sortof defeats the purpose. Ifyou’re caught in the blast,howwillyourule theworld?That’swhatyouwant,right?”
She shook her head. “Oh,I’ll be long gone beforethen.”Shepushedacoupleofbuttons and stepped into the
pit,thenturnedandblewhima kiss. “Don’t look so sad. Ithink Lisa did love you. Ifonlyshewerereal.”
With what little strengthhe had, he snatched themonkeywrenchand threwit.It slammed into theballpit’scontrol panel. Sparks andblack smoke filled the air,and the screeching noise gotlouderandhigherinpitch.
The woman screamed in
terror. “You’ve reversed theengine! You’ve created ablackhole.It’sgoingtocrushme!”
Brand crawled on hishandsandkneestoreachher.“Take my hand!” he cried,but she couldn’t move fromthe ball pit. A terrible,crackling energy rose up outof the machine and engulfedherbody.Sheshookinpain.
“Lisa!”
“Alex,IwantedtotellyouwhoIwas,butIdidn’treallyknow.”
“You’reLisaHoliday,”hecried.
“Iwantedtobe,”shesaid.Therewasamassiveshock
waveandMs.Holiday’sbodybroke into a million tinyflecks of dust. They rose upinto the air like dandelionseeds on a summer breezeand drifted over the entire
construction site. All thatremainedwastheblackmaskwith the white skull paintedonit.
Brandstaggeredtohisfeetand approached the ball pit.He gave the control panel ashake. It popped on and off.He pressed some buttons,made a wish, then crawledintotheballpitoncemore.Itmight kill him, too, but hehadtotry.
“No one can stop us!” thethirty-foot-tall Snot Rocketcried. He stomped throughthestreets,snappingelectrical
wires with every step. Hefired a massive booger at acar. It exploded. The otherBULLIES cheered.Each onewasasbigasSnotRocket.
Loudmouth opened hermouth and a tornado blastedoutofherlungs,rippingapartthestreet,tearingtheroofoffanearbyhome,andpushingagarageoffitsfoundation.
Thor roared and beat onhis chest. His protruding
veinswere thickwithboilingpurple blood and his eyeswerebulging.
“Anything we want isours!” Funk shouted. Hisarmpit smell caused amailbox to ignite and melt.“Andnoonecanstopus!”
“Um, excuse me,”Heathcliff said from farbelow.
Snot Rocket looked downat the little boy. He was
standing in front of a sea ofotherpunychildren.
“We’ve come to stopyou,” Heathcliff said. Hehoped that the giantswouldn’t stomp on him rightaway.
“Areyousurethisisgoingtowork,Hodges?”Benjaminasked.“Idon’twanttoendupinarecyclingbin.”
“Idon’tknow,”Heathcliffadmitted. “I’ve never
confronted foursuperpoweredgiantsbefore.”
“You’re one of thoseNERDS,” Funk said, hisvoice booming like thunder.“Theonewithoutanypowers.Whatdidyoudo,kid, gatherup your weakling friends tocome out here and give us apieceofyourmind?”
“Not exactly,” Heathcliffsaid. He turned to his army.“Getthem!”
Allatonce, threehundredonce-average kids attacked.Their weaknesses had beenenhanced by nanobytes.Someofthemcouldfly,somewere very strong, and otherswereasfastaslightning.Onekid could bounce like abasketball—he slammed intoFunk’s face. Another turnedto ice and blasted Tammy’sshoes until she hoppedaroundwith frozen toes.Onekid turned into a hairy beast
and attacked Snot Rocketwith claws and teeth, andanother kid produced somuchsweatitcausedThortoslip and fall on his back.There were kids whoteleportedandkidswhocouldmove objects with theirthoughts. There were kidswhose skin was as hard asrocks and others who turnedinto water and still otherswho were now half cyborg.And together they were led
byHeathcliffHodges.“It’s working!” Heathcliff
cried.But he spoke too soon.
With a massive swipe of hispaw, Thor knocked fifty ofthechildrenunconscious.
“Get back!” Heathcliffshouted,butitwastoolate.
Funk unleashed hispowers, bringing a thousandenormous maggots fromunderground. They slithered
over more of the would-beheroes.
It sent a panic throughHeathcliff’sarmy.Afewhurtthemselvestryingtoretaliate.Others had no idea how tousetheirnanobytesinthefirstplace.Heathcliffhadgambledand lost. Unfortunately, itappeared the world had lost,too.
“You look like you needsomehelp,pal,”Jacksonsaid.
Heathcliff turned in time toseetheboyclimboutofaballpit that had materializedbehind him. Duncan, Flinch,Matilda,andRubywerenext.
“So, I see you’ve beenbusy,”Rubysaid.
“Desperatetimes,”hesaid.“He’s been doing a good
job,”Benjaminbeeped.“You’re back!” Duncan
cried.“Mr. Hodges fixed me,”
the orb said. “It’s very goodto see you all, again.However,mightwe save ourreunion for another time?Whenwe’renotplayingJacktothesegiants?”
Ruby started scratchingherlegs.“Aargh!I’mallergicto end-of-the-worldscenarios.”
“So, what’s the plan?”Heathcliff said to her. Shesmiled. He knew she liked
runningtheshow,evenwhenthe show looked like it wasgoingtoendverybadly.
“Matilda, fly up and blastThor in the eyes with yourinhalers.Hecan’thitwhathecan’tsee.”
Matilda soared into thesky.Amoment later shewaszappingtheangrybeastintheface.
Ruby turned to Duncan.“Howdoyoufeelaboutbeing
tossed in the air at a giant’sface?”
“Um,OK… I guess,” hesaid.
“Jackson, I need some ofyour quarterback skills. TossDuncan at Loudmouth.Duncan,youneedtosealhermouthtightwithyourglue.”
“Excellent. And when Icome falling out of the sky…?”
“Flinch will be there to
catchyou,”Rubyreplied.“I’m on it,” Flinch said,
shoving four Twinkies intohismouth.Hisbodybegantoshakeandhepoundedonhischest.“IAMMIGHTY!”
“Good, cause when he’ssafe on the ground, I needyoutotargetFunk,”shesaid.“You’re a lot faster than hisnastypowers.Ihaveafeelingyoumightbeable togethimto accidentally turn his own
grossnessonhimself.”
“Yay!” Flinch cried as heswallowed a bag of SwedishFishwithoutchewing.
JacksonpickedDuncanupwith his braces. “You ready,pal?”
“Is anyone ever ready forsomethinglikethis?”theboyasked.
Jackson aimed and threw.Asecondlater,Flinchflashedthrough the mob to wait forhisfallingbuddy.
“Do I get to do anythingelse?”Jacksonasked.
“I think we could stopSnot Rocket if he had abloodynose,”Rubyansweredwithagrin.
Jackson winked. “Got anew trick I’ve been wantingtotryout.”
His braces poured out ofhismouth,formingamassiveexoskeleton as big as any oftheBULLIES. Jacksonsat in
its center, looking like amassive Rock’em Sock’emRobot stomping toward SnotRocket.
“Isupposeyouwantmetohide,” Heathcliff said. “IknowIdon’thaveanyusefulupgrades. I don’twant togetintheway.”
“Hodges, you have threehundredsuperpoweredkidsatyour disposal,” she said.“That’s your army. When
these jerks get knocked offtheirfeet,we’regoingtoneeda whole bunch of them forwedgieduty.”
Therewasamassivethud.Ruby and Heathcliff turnedand saw thatThor had fallenontohisback.
“Kids, get him!”Heathcliffshouted,andheledhis army into the fray. Histeam kicked and punchedThor and tied him to the
ground.Heathcliff cheered anew
wheneachofthefourhorrificBULLIES fell. Being a partof the team—even if hecouldn’t do anything himself—was one of the mostsatisfyingdaysofhislife.
TOPSECRETDOSSIER
CODENAME:BEANPOLE
REALNAME:MIKEYBUCKLEY
YEARSACTIVE:1977–82
CURRENTOCCUPATION:CHILDREN’SBOOK
AUTHOR,NERDSCONSULTANT
HISTORY:IFONECOULDSUMUP
THEMANYTALENTSANDGIFTSMIKEY
BUCKLEYPOSSESSESINASINGLEWORD,
ITWOULDHAVETOBE“BRILLIANT.”
ARAREGENIUSWITHANUNRIVALED
IMAGINATION,BEANPOLEISBELIEVED
TOBETHECREATOROFTHEBENJAMINORB,THEUPGRADE
CHAIR,FRENCHTOASTSTICKS,ANDTHE
MOONBOOTSTILTSTHATALLOWEDHIMTORISENEARLY
FIVESTORIESABOVETHEGROUND.I
COULDLITERALLYGO
ONANDONABOUTHOWCOOLTHATKID
WAS…ANDHEWASGOOD-LOOKING,TOBOOT.BUTWHATCOULDISAYTHAT
HASN’TBEENSAIDINTHE
THOUSANDSOFBIOGRAPHIES
WRITTENABOUTHIM,ORTHEFOUR
FEATUREFILMSTHATALLWON
OSCARS,ORTHEALBUMS
OFSONGSBYNIRVANA,MADONNA,ANDTAYLORSWIFT
THATHEINSPIRED?IMEAN,IF
YOUHAVEN’TREADTHEBOOKSOF
POETRYABOUTHISHAIRALONE,
THENYOU’VEBEENLIVINGUNDER
AROCK.SO,SUFFICE
TOSAY,BEANPOLEWASTHEGREATESTAGENTINNERDSHISTORY.
UPGRADE:WHATCOULDTECHNOLOGYGIVEHIMTHATTHEGOODLORDHADNOTGENEROUSLYBESTOWED?THEBOYWASSIMPLY
AWESOME!
When theNERDSused theball pit to return to thepresent, theyagreedthat theyneeded to keep their end of
thewormholeopennomatterwhat, just in case AgentBrand made it back. Theyclosed all the other ball pitsout in history, andHeathcliffadjustedthefacialrecognitionsoftware on the Playgroundcomputers in hopes ofspotting their bosssomewhere in time. But itgave themnowordofBrandorMs.Holiday.
Still,therewasgoodnews.
Thepresentthechildrencameback to was changed for thebetter. The Playground wasno longer buried underconcrete. President Liptonhad never been arrested andtheNERDSorganizationwasstillanationalsecret.
Ruby hoped she wouldfind things at home altered,too. As she walked towardherhouse,herpalmsbegantoitch. She was allergic to
uncertainty. What would shefindbeyondthatdoor?
“Get in here out of thecold,” her mother said,opening the door before shecouldevenknock.
“Good news, sweetpea,”herfathersaidwhenshecamethrough thedoor. “We foundahotelforeveryone.”
“And it’s got a pool,”Cousin Finn cheered as heracedintothehall.
The rest of the familyfollowed. They were allthere!Everysingleone!
“We’llbeoutofyourhairinnotime,”AuntLaurasaid.
“This hotel better have anelevator,”GrandpaSaulsaid.
“Of course it has anelevator. What hotel doesn’thave an elevator?” GrandpaTomcried.
Predictably, a huge spatbroke out with everyone
bickering and talking at thesametime.
“I’m going to ordereverything on the roomservice menu,” CousinImogensaid.
“Don’tgo,”Rubysaid.“Huh?” her parents said
simultaneously.“Iwantyoutostay,”Ruby
said.“But sweetie, you’re
gonnahavetosleepontopof
the dryer,” Grandma Rosesaid.
“No place I’d rather be.You’re my family. As muchasyoufight,it’samiraclewecanallstandtobeinthesameroom together. I want thatmiracleforthisholiday.”
“I call the bathtub!” saidGrandmaTina.
That night, when everyonehad found a space on the
floor to sleep, Ruby caughtthenews.The leadstorywasthat President Lipton hadannounced that he wasn’tgoing to run for a secondterm. They cut to a pressconference with him and hisfamily. Tessa stood next tohermom,smiling.
“Being the president ofthis great nation has been awonderful experience and ahuge responsibility. I think
we’vegottenalotdoneinthepastthreeyears,butthatworkhas come at the expense ofmy family.Someone toldmeonce that familyhas tocomefirst, and she was right. SotonightI’mannouncingthatIwillnotseekasecondterm.Ialways wanted to be thepresident. I dreamed ofserving this country. Iimagined it was the best jobintheworld,butIalreadyhadthebestjobintheworld.”
Lipton took his wife anddaughter in his arms andhugged them both asreporters charged forwardwithcamerasandquestions.
Ruby smiled. She and herteam would have to keep aclose eye on Tessa. She hadupgrades and a nuclear-powered time machine, butRubyhoped that thesoon-to-be former First Daughterwould no longer need it—or
hersecondface.
The next day, Heathcliffand Jackson walked toHeathcliff ’sparents’house.
“Whatifitdoesn’twork?”
he asked. “The upgradesdidn’texactlytellmehowthenanobytes would get myfamilyback.”
“Then they’ll just thinkyou’re some weird kid, andwe’ll goback to thedrawingboard,” Jackson said. “Doyou want me to go in withyou?”
Heshookhishead.“All right, Agent Hodges,
goodluck.”
“‘Agent’?”“Rubytoldmetotellyou.
She’s going to need all thehelpshecangetmanagingallthe new recruits,” he said.“Now get going. Oh, andgoodluck,buddy.”
Heathcliffsmiled.“Thanks…buddy.”
He raced up the sidewalkand threw open the frontdoor.
“Mom!Dad!”hecried.
Hismotherwasthefirsttoappear. “Who in heavens areyou?”
“Mom, it’s me—Heathcliff.I’mhome!”
“Thomas!Thomas, there’sa strange kid breaking intoourhouse,”shecried.
Thomas came into view.He had a golf club in hishands and he was holding itthreateningly.“Getoutofourhouse!”
“Dad! Don’t you knowme?”Heathcliffasked.
“I’m calling the police,”hismothersaid.Shetookoutherphoneandcalled911.“Ifyou don’t want any moretrouble,I’dleaverightnow.”
Had the machine fooledhim? Was it one of thosesuper-dumb lessons he wassupposedtolearn?Likeattheendofabook,whenthefairyappears and tells him he had
all thepowerhe everneededinsideofhim.Thatwouldbepretty lame, and he’d end upgettingarrested.
“There’s the siren,” hisfathersaid.
Heathcliff panicked. Theyweregoing to takehimawayand his family would neverknow who he was. No! Hecouldn’t let it end like that.They might not know him,but he needed them to know
hewassorryforallthethingshe had done and that theyweregreatparentsandthatallhis mistakes had nothing todo with them. He neededthem to know that their boylovedthemdearly.
So he gave them a hug.Hismomresistedatfirst,andhisdadtriedtoshovehimoff,but Heathcliff hung on. Heheld the hug as long aspossible.
Hewasstillhugging themwhen the police came. Theypulledhimawayanddraggedhim out to their car. Theylocked him in the backseatandwent inside to talk tohisparents. He was in bigtrouble, but he didn’t care.Those hugs had felt good.He’ddoitalloveragaininasecond.Whatever theydid tohim, he would have thosehugs.
A police officer returnedwith his parents in tow. Heopened the car door andpeeredinside.
“Kid,getoutofthecar.”Heathcliff was confused
but did as he was told.“Officer, I’m sorry. I didn’tmean to scare thesepeople. Ijust—”
“Heathcliff, shouldn’t yoube in school?” his motherasked.
“You called meHeathcliff!”
“Ofcourseshedid.That’syour name,” his fatherreplied.“AreyoufeelingOK,son?”
“Youcalledme‘son’!”“Folks,whatisgoingon?”
the policeman asked. “I wascalledhereforabreakingandentering.”
“Youmusthavethewronghouse, officer,” his mother
said.“Thisisourson.He’sinthe sixth grade at KnowltonMiddle School—though wehave no idea why he’s notthere.”
“I just missed you two. Iwanted to come home,” hesaid, and then he huggedthemagain.
Agent Brand stood in theteeth-chattering air outside agas station in Novosibirsk,Siberia. A black car pulled
up.Hesetdownhisoboeandeyedthecarclosely.
Itwasthem.He stood behind a trash
barrel and waited. A tough,grizzled gangster got out ofthe car. Lars Corsica. Thenthe passenger-side dooropened and a young womanstepped out. She wasprobably seventeen—just akid, but blond and beautiful.It was her. He’d recognize
thatsmileanywhere.“First we get gas,” Lars
gruntedinRussian.“Thenwegetmarried.”
“Married?” the girl asked.There was uncertainty in hervoice.
“Unless you want to goback home to your abusiveparents?”
Sheshookherhead.“Thenwaitinthecar.”The girl did as she was
told,andLarsapproachedthegasstation.
“Excuse me,” Brand saidinperfectRussian.“Butcouldyoutellmethetime?”
Lars frowned and lookeddownathiswatch.“Halfpasttwo.”
“Then I’m right on time,”Brand said as his fist caughtthegoonin thejaw.Larsfelloverinthesnowandlayverystill. Brand bent down and
took the car keys and theman’s wallet, then hobbledover to the black sedan. Hefinishedpumpingthegasandgotintothedriver’sseatnexttothegirl.
“Whoareyou?”Brand smiled. “That’s not
important. What’s importantisthatyouknowwhoyouare.Your name is ViktoriyaDeprankova, though therewill be a time when people
will know you by anothername. That man out there—theoneyou’regoingtomarry—he’sgoingtosteeryouinavery ugly direction. I’m heretosteeryoutheotherway.”
“Didmyfathersendyou?”“No,IcamebecauseIcare
about you. A lot of peoplecareaboutyou.”
“Are you crazy? I don’tevenknowyou.”
Brandhandedherthekeys
and got out of the car. “Youwill.”
“Why are you helpingme?”
“’Cause you’re myholiday.” He pointed west.“Drivedownthatroad.”
“Wherewillittakeme?”“Hopefully, America,” he
said.Brand could tell the girl
wasn’t sure what to do, butafter a moment she slid
behind the wheel, rolled upthe window, and drove off,leavingLarsbehind.
Brand picked up his oboeand slipped it intohis jacket.Thenhewentaroundthesideof the gas station to amulticolored ball pit. Hehoppedinsideandsanktothebottom, hoping that he hadcausedaripplebigenoughtochangethegirl’slife.
A second later he was in
Marty Mozzarella’s during abusy lunch rush. There werekids everywhere, and theystaredasheflounderedtogetoutoftheballpit.
“That’ssupposedtobeforchildren, you know,” ateenagerinagiantmousesuitcomplained.
Brandgrowled,yankedthecable out of the pit,disconnected the controlpanel, and limped out of the
restaurant.The walk to Thomas
KnowltonMiddleSchoolwasalongone,buthecompletelyforgot about his sore feetwhenhesawit.Hurriedly,hepushed the front door openand walked down the emptyhallstoasupplycloset,wherehefoundhisfamiliarjanitor’suniform.Hepulleditonoverhis beat-up tuxedo thenpressed the button that
opened the tunnel to thePlayground.Asecondlaterhedroppedamileintotheearth.
The Playground lookedlike it always had. All thesame faces were busyworking on gadgets. Duncanand Flinch were lounging intheir mission chairs whileJacksontoldthemajoke,andMatilda was buzzingoverhead, her inhalersblasting.Rubywasviewinga
map of theworld. The lunchlady, in his smock andhairnet, smiled and gaveBrandafriendlywave.
“Look who’s back!”Jacksonshouted.
“Youareseriouslylatefora mission update,” Matildasaid.
Brandsmiled.“Oneofyouisgoing tohave to fillme inonwhatImissed.”
“Icanhelpyouwiththat,”
Rubysaid.“Butfirstwehavesomething very important totellyou.”
Brand waved her off. “Itcanwait.Isshehere?”
“Who?”Brand’sheartsank.“Never
mind.”“Oh, you mean the new
librarian?” Ruby said with agrin.
“Did someone call me?”came a voice. It had a thick
Russianaccent,buthewouldknowitanywhere.
“Lisa,”hesaid.Benjamin floated between
them.“Director,thisisAgentViktoriya Deprankova. She’sjust been assigned to theschool. Her cover for theparents will be that of theschool’s librarian and mediaspecialist.”
He couldn’t help butsmile,andshesmiledbackat
him.“I made cookies,” the
woman said, offering him aplate of what looked likechocolate chip. Brandhesitantlytookone.
One bite and he was surehe had cracked all his teeth.Yes,shewasback.
Suddenly, an alert startedblaring. Screens droppedfrom the ceiling and a dozenscientists raced to join the
group.“Oh,boy,lookslikewe’ve
got trouble again. Baron vonBaron has let loose his armyof bionic ferrets. They’reattacking the Taj Mahal,”Duncansaid.
“Scramble the team,Benjamin,”AgentBrandsaid.
“Which team?” Heathcliffasked. He entered the roomwearingawhite lab coat andhugegoggles.
“What do you mean,whichteam?”
“That’s what I’ve beentryingtotellyou,boss,”Rubysaid. “We’ve got some newrecruits.”
Suddenly, hundreds ofchildren walked into thecontrol room. They salutedhim and said, “Agentsreportingforduty”inunison.
“I’m having a great timeorganizing them. I’ll have a
binder for you to look atwhen we get back. It’scompletely color-coded,”Rubysaid.
Brand smiled. “All right.It’s time to get to work,NERDS. Let’s go beat upsomebadguys.”
THEREWILLBEDAYSWHENLIFESEEMSHARD,WHENTHE
BULLIESCORNERYOUOR
HURTYOURHEART,BUTTHOSEDAYS
WON’TLAST.THEYCAN’T
LAST.SOMEDAYSOONTHEWORLDWILL
LOOKFRESHANDFULLOFPOSSIBILITIESAND
YOURDAYS
OFBEINGPICKEDONWILLEND—
JUSTLIKETHISSTORY.ANDTHAT,
MYFRIENDS,ISWHENYOURREAL
STORYWILLTRULYBEGIN.
IPROMISE.
Acknowledgments
This series couldn’t havehappenedwithout SusanVanMetre and Maggie Lehrman,whose tag-team editingproved that two heads arebetterthanone.However,thetrueunsungheroofthisseriesis Chad W. Beckerman,whose art design wasinspired, fun, and cool. A
special thanks to EthenBeavers for coming on thisride to the end—thanks foryour brilliant illustrations.AlisonFargis,bothbetterhalfand agent, inspired everypage.Thankyou toeveryoneat Stonesong. Big props toJason Wells and his staff ofsuper-publicists. A specialthanks to fellow author andfriend Julia DeViller for herinsights into Ruby’sJewish/Christian upbringing.
ThankstoStarbucks11807inBrooklynandtoAllieBaylesAND Topher Scotton. Asalways,mypalJoeDeasyforjustbeingmypal,and tomyboy, Finn, whose love ofstories reminds me why Ihavethebestjobintheworld.
AbouttheAuthor
Michael Buckley, a formermember of NERDS, nowspends his time writing. Inaddition to the top-secret fileyouareholding,Michaelhaswritten the New York Timesbestselling Sisters Grimmseries, which has beenpublished in more thantwentylanguages.Hehasalsocreated shows for DiscoveryChannel, Cartoon Network,Warner Bros., TLC, and
Nickelodeon. He livessomewhere (if he told youwhere exactly, he’d have tokillyou).
This book was art directedanddesignedbyAgentChadW. Beckerman. Theillustrations were created byAgentEthenBeavers.
