atm receipts from brady street

date: FRIDAY, JUNE 30, 2011time: 10:11 PM

amount requested: $40.00amount dispensed: $0.00

resulting balance: –

ATM RECEIPTS FROM BRADY STREET




Each of the receipts in this book were carefully snatched up off of the ground next to an ATM machine located in the Walgreens parking lot.

This book is dedicated to ATM terminal number CS38048, you are loved by many.




MAKE TIME TO BE ON TIME

The bar opens at noon. Promptness has always been one of my strong suits. Holding a job, not so much. But unemployment ain’t half as bad as folks make it out to be.




BIRTHDAYS ARE FOR NEWBORN BABIES

Happy Birthday to meeee! Happy Birthday to MEEEE! I don’t get paid ‘til next week but I should be able to get by on all the giftcards I got. I mean right though?




BE AWARE OF YOUR SURROUNDINGS

I love Brew City man! Hell yeah! So where to next man? Huh? Way-way-waiiiitt a minute…You’re trying to tell me not ONE SINGLE bar in this whole city is open past 2:30? Duuuuude! F@*# Milwaukee man Chicago is where it’s at! Shit man, most people don’t even hit the bars ‘til now. This is some crazy bullshit dude…Who’s doin A-bar? Dude PLEASE tell me you do A-bar here.




RHYMES DON’T FACILITATE REASONS

Soooo Sunday Funday turned into Sunday Fun Night now its Monday Fun Morning but I’m showin’ no signs of stoppin’ just yet! Choo Choo!




EMBRACE YOUR GOD GIVEN TALENTS

God I love being a lightweight! I’ve saved oodles of cash over the past few years and I get tons of attention for it too.




EVERYDAY IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT

HAAPPPPPPYYY 8th of JLY errybody! Where is all the firesparks?! Bons of Sitches! OH MY GOD! Thankya machine! (wraps arms around machine and kisses) I love you, I really do. Thankyouthankyouthankyou.




MANIPULATE WITH CAUTION

What an asshole. I’m so over his shit. He can figure out how to get home without me. What a cheap-ass- bastard. Wait– what if he get’s scared and has to find another girl to take him home…It’s happened before…SHIT! (darts out the door, leaves cash)




DON’T UNDERESTIMATE LUCKY NUMBERS

I’m so getting laid tonight. Sixty is my number. Whenever I spend $60 – no more, no less, EXACTLY $60, I get laid. Something about $60 worth of booze gets me charming- wasted on the verge of sloppy-wasted with little to no inhibitions and a hardy appetitie for risk. $60…

DON’T SWEAR THE SMALL STUFF

Shiiiiiiit I’m shhwaaayyysted man! (maniacal laughter)! I meant to press the 2, Man! Not the 4, man! Shittttttt. This blowssss where’s the f@#$%!* taxshi man? F@#$ thiss shit man! TAXIIIII! Awww, come here little kitty, come here, come to Daddy…




A NEUROTIC MAN WANTS WHAT HE WANTS

Hey, sometimes $100 is not enough, but then $200 is just ridiculous. The machine won’t give me $150 and $160 would mean I’m getting dangerously close to dipping below a $900 balance. SO $140 is my next best option. Shit now my head hurts. Let’s get crunk!




ROUTINES CREATE A SENSE OF STABILITY

12, 13, 14

WHEN IN DOUBT, TRUST YOUR BEER GUT

I’m going out with DA BOYZZ from my college frat tonight. I only see ‘em a couple times a year these days so I don’t feel bad blowing $200 at the bar. I mean it’s a special occasion. Actually, on second thought the last thing I want is to be short on cash when buying the third round of Jaeger Bombs…Yeah I’d look like a huge deusch-bag. I better make it $400. Oh shit, ACTUALLY, on third thought we almost always end up having to bail Double D’s drunk ass out of jail… $600, that’s my limit. My wife is gonna kill me.




LIFE IS NOTHING BUT ONE BIG REMIX

I’m a balla, shock colla, 20 inches on and on balla. I’m a balla. Let’s get restarted in here. Let’s get restarted in here… Hey Hey Hey shawty it’s your birtday. SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTSSHOTS, SHOTSSHOTSSHOTSHOTSSHOTS!!!!!




ALL STEREOTYPES START SOMEWHERE

Going out on the town with my beyotchez! Muah. XOXO




PEOPLE LIE, NUMBERS DON’T

Wow. That’s reallly depressising.

HONOR YOUR MOTHER’S ATM CARD

SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!My CRAZY mom must have changed her PIN # again. I’m so sick of her pulling this shit!




TRENDS ARE NOT TO BE TRUSTED

I should be able to get 20 PBR’s with this. Tipping is so last year. Did I mention how hip I am?




WORK HARD TO PLAY HARD TO PLAY HARD

My fr iends bet me I couldn’t spend another $100 in an hour without blowing chunks. What they don’t realize is that I was the only frosh on the rugby team to ever do a vodka bong IMMEDIATELY following a keg stand WITHOUT bar fing. If I can do it I win my money back PLUS another $100 and I’ll be shit wasted to boot!




REAL FRIENDS TOLERATE FRIEND’S FRIENDS

Even though I went out last night, and the night before that, and the night before that, and the night before that, it’s NOT my fault! I have like eight friend groups and none of them get along. Not to mention there are only seven days in a week…you do the math.




TRAINING WHEELS SERVE A PURPOSE

Thish is the best night of my life I think I’ve probably ever had in my whole l i fe! Who knew something that tastes soobaaad ick-ick-ick can make you feel sooooso so good?! I wash missing out but now I’m not!? Right? Yeaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. Where we moooooooving to next Y’ALL? Hahaha I sound like a farm cow! Ooh my god hahaaha! MOOO moooo MOO mooooooo MOOOAAHHKK (throws up).




MAKE EVERY MINUTE A HAPPY ONE

This damn machine is so slow. I’m already 14 minutes late to Happy Hour, and if this takes much longer I don’t even know if I’ll be able to spend this $20 before the 2-4-1 special ends. My life can be so FREAKING stressful .

QUESTION PRIORITIES WHEN IN POVERTY

She said yes! Can you even believe it? I got so used to them always saying no that I just started to expect it. Now I have to figure out how to make $19.60 last for a whole week. But it will be worth it…it will be SOOOO worth it…I just hope she doesn’t expect dessert.




MOVE ON, DON’T MOO-VE ON

Freshly single and ready to mingle! Woohoo! Wait–What if I see him tonight? Oh god! What will I do then? I could so not handle that yet… I wonder how many pints of Ben & Jerry’s I could buy with $100…




BEING MEDIOCRE TAKES DISCIPLINE

I’m a normal guy. I work a normal job and pay my bills on time. I drink anywhere from 6-8 pints of Miller Lite on any given Saturday night and take an occaisional shot if I’m feeilng espescially festive.




SPEND WHAT YO MOMMA GAVE YOU

Ah Thirsty Thursday, the pregame to the weekend. Here’s a shout out to my parents who pay my rent…and my tuition…aaaaand fund my four day weekend ragers. Here’s to a fifth year! Super Senior!




SOPHISTICATION IS SACRIFICE

When I graduated college I gave up keg stands, beer bongs, power hours, and shotgunning beers for properly sipping white wine over dinner. Is an occasional Thursday night out really so bad?




SETTING GOALS LEADS TO SUCCESS

With drinks, cab fare and tip that’s ehhh– six double Grey Goose and Red Bulls? Yeah. So that means, give-or-take, two per hour…That puts my BAC at, give-or-take, 0.18 by the end of the night. Which at that level means I’ll be hungover, but not so much that I’ll be down for the count. Perfect. What? You think my bank account got fat by making careless decisions? Oh that’s right, poor people don’t believe in planning. Don’t get me started on poor people.




LEARN TO PLAY THE HAND YOU’RE DEALT

If all goes according to plan, I can get wasted tonight and still have enough for a Crunch Wrap Supreme in the morning before I go to court ordered rehab.




LEISURE ISN’T AS EASY AS IT LOOKS

Hot daaaamn! My drinking account appears to be running unusually low. Then of course my bank isn’t open on Sundays. This is so not good. Now I’m going to have to choose between the Big Bad Bloody Mary Bash and Sloppy Sangria Sunday which is going to throw off my internal clock for the whole week. Hmmpfff.




POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT CAN GET UGLY

I’m rich. I’m hot. The $20 is for the cab I will take home, ALONE, after I’m good and drunk off the extra dirty martinis hopeful bachelors send my way.




GUILT TRIPS CAN LEAD TO MIRACLES

They only take cash. I’m hungover as shit. I’m staying for one, ONE, and I’m only doing this because I slept through our breakfast date.




IGNORANCE IS NOT ALWAYS BLISS

What the hell! There is nooooooo way I spent more than $300 today. Oh my god. What’s the date? Oh my god. Oh my god. My roomate is going to murder me!!!!! Hey do you think I could crash at your place tonight?

STICKING TO YOUR GUNS IS A VIRTUE

After I spend this I’m going home. I have shit to do tomorrow. A F TER I SPEND THIS I’M GOING HOME. I HAVE SHIT TO DO TOMORROW.




YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR A SANDBOX

This is purely safety cash. Last weekend I woke up soaking wet in a public sandbox surrounded by a circle of angry soccer moms. They had really sharp teeth and I had to run, FORREST GUMP STYLE for three miles before I was safe, and then walk another mile before I found an ATM T H AT WORKED. I’m bringing cash with me tonight.




MONEY CAN BUY MANY PRETTY THINGS

This should cover my gourmet appateaser, and depending on how hot the waitress is, anywhere from two to eight imported beers. They are usually pretty hot though, so I’m used to sipping slow. Salud.

atm receipts from brady street

Documents

resulting balance

rhymes dont

people dont

atm machine

dont sw

shit man

atm receipts

timethe bar