assessing pupils’ progress in english at key stage 3...
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Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Standards File Pupil 20 Writing
Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Standards FilePupil 20 Writing
First published in 2008 Ref: 00705-2008BKT-EN
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1The National Strategies | Secondary Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Pupil 20 Writing
© Crown copyright 2008 00705-2008BKT-EN
Pupil 20 – Year 9 – Secure level 7
Writing
Collection of pupil’s work
Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3
Note to accompany Key Stage 3 English Standards Files
This is one of a series of materials known as the Standards Files which has been revised for publication in 2008.
The Standards Files for reading and writing are a central part of the APP (Assessing Pupils’ Progress) approach. Their main purpose is to exemplify standards by giving guidance on accurate assessments and acting as a resource and reference point for teachers. Each Standards File includes:
examples of pupils’ ongoing classroom work, which have been assessed to exemplify the •APP approach and show national standards;
commentary on the evidence at assessment focus (AF) level, which leads to a summative judgement •on the pupil’s work;
the assessment guidelines sheet that records both a profile of attainment across the AFs and a •National Curriculum level for the attainment target.
Key changes that have been made to the revised Standards Files are:
The incorporation of AF7 for reading;•The use of three sub-levels: low, secure and high.•
21 Standards Files for reading and writing in Key Stage 3 are available covering National Curriculum levels 3–8.
More information about the Standards Files and their use may be found in the Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Teachers’ handbook (Ref: 00643-2008BKT-EN).
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Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’Task 1
Dramatic short opening sentence effectively engaging the reader’s attention (AF5/6 L7 b1)
A Brother’s Murder
Her eyes were the thing that killed me. Those beautiful, deep blue eyes, which sparkled with joy each day, were gone. Instead they stare with horror, �xated horror, bloodshot and still. She was dead. But I did not know why.
Of course I saw the blood on her neck, and the knife lying on the �oor of the hut. I had already covered my two sons with the blanket which was my bed. They had had the world of opportunity, and it had been destroyed for no earthly reason. I did not know if the tears in my eyes were of smouldering anger, or sheer helplessness. I could not think. All I knew was that I was alone. Completely alone.
I kept it quiet. I could not let anyone, save one man. His name was Jacav, I had known him since we were boys. But even then I could not tell him the whole truth. He was the Chief’s youngest son, and this matter was of such importance that it would be surely to be told to his father. But of my own personal feelings, he was an extremely loyal man.
I had told him my wife – my beautiful wife – was going to die, and I told him my sons – my little boys – had ran o� in shock of it. But above all else, I told him what I wanted to do. He nodded his head as though it was of little consequence, but I saw in his eyes the same sadness, the same cold, icy feeling that crept over me when I had walked into the hut that very morning.
I walked back through the town, oblivious to the people passing me. So much, even, that I cut my foot, even through my skin boots, on a knife which stuck out of the ground, I knitted my brow. Who would drop a knife in the middle if a busy path? I limped to a ditch on the right of the lane and sat down on the muddy grass, �inching. The pain was excruciating. Blood ran down my �ngers as I tried to wind the remains of my boot around my foot so I could walk again. Suddenly, a tall �gure came into view. It was Movaf, my brother.
His eyes sparkled madly as he talked to me. At the end of every sentence he smirked and expressed a full set of crooked black teeth. As black as his heart.
“Sorry,” he sneered, lifting the knife from the path and wiping my blood on his white shirt before returning it to his belt, “must have slipped.” Beads of sweat broke on my forehead, and my foot started to throb painfully. He knelt down, curled his upper lip and said with a hiss, “How’s Sera?” I felt my eyes water. I gulped. My eyes rested again on my blood on his shirt.
Variety of sentence forms crafted to support the overall development of the narrative (AF5/6 L7 b2), despite some rare blemishes in the control of syntax
Accurate sentence forms, with some variety in the use of first person constructions, continue to be deployed imaginatively to achieve purpose and effect, well supported by a range of punctuation used for clarity and emphasis (AF5/6 L7 b1)
Short sentences deployed for effect (AF5/6 L7 b1)
Sentence of some individual merit, using range of clauses and repetition, with significant implications in terms of development of the text/ending (AF5/6 L7 b2)
Vocabulary imaginatively matched to purpose (AF7 L7 b1) and used for rhetorical effect - repetition of ‘black’
3The National Strategies | Secondary Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Pupil 20 Writing
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Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’ (continued)Task 1 (continued)
“Fine – she’s – she’s �ne. And the children – they’re �ne too. Thank you.” Movaf rose up to his full height, gave a snide look and set o� down the track.
I could not help but notice his hand waver towards his belt again as he looked at me.
And then I understood. Movaf had always been jealous of me. Everything I had – my wife, my children, my happiness – he had lost. But now it seemed like the blood in my veins were ebbing away like the sea, creeping up the shore just to retreat again, Every time I tried to clear my mind of the spots of hatred, and anger, and confusion, I was washed away by another savage thought sneaking up on me. I had loved Movaf, loved him not just as a brother, but as my best friend – and now that face that once laughed and listened I mirth was that of a corpse. His sunken eyes seldom woke from their immortal dull stare, and his lips never smiled. I knew he had killed my family. And he had killed them out of jealousy. It was strange to think that our brotherhood could be completely ruined by the hand which once helped me recover from many falls.
***
The stars were veiled that night. I could feel a thick blanket of silence coating the land before me like the ever nearing sunrise I would never see. The moon did not set sail that night and she not do so again. As I looked over Tolla from the boggy, swampy hillock, I smiled weakly. Small pinpricks of �relight would be the stars tonight. It all seemed so friendly, so warm and so harmless, but I knew in my heart there was no other place that possessed more malice.
I came to the foot of the great oak tree, standing like a watchman to the town below it. I looked up and saw the plaited skin noose that hung from the branch above me. I thanked Jacav for the world – he had done what was asked of him. I was naked. I wanted to die as I had been born, with exception for my cap and my belt, which were both presents from my beloved Sera. Sera…
I climbed up to the branch where the noose hung. I sat on another bough, the noose around my neck. I tightened it and swallowed hard. This was it.
I imagined those beautiful eyes shining like stars in front of me, those alluring, bewitching eyes that I longed to gaze in once more. I was going to see them again. I was to see her again.
I jumped.
Range of vocabulary varied and ambitious (AF7 L7 b2) with correct spelling throughout (AF8 L7 b1)
A range of features – embedded phrases/clauses, antithesis, repetition, punctuation – used to craft sentences of individual merit that contribute to the development of the text (AF5/6 L7 b2)
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Imaginative story writing ‘A Brother’s Murder’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2
In the first paragraph, the opening dramatic short sentence engages the reader’s attention and is followed by a variety of short sentences that control information flow and help to position the reader (AF3 L7 b2) in terms of narrative development and the repeated references to the eyes create a ‘chain’ that supports cohesion (AF4 L6 b2).
Paragraphs 2, 3 and 4 maintain a well-judged and distinctive narrative voice (AF1/2 L7 b2), continuing to convey information succinctly while managing its flow to the reader (AF3 L7 b2).
The length of paragraphs 4, 5 and 6 show how the use of paragraphing is integral to meaning and purpose (AF4 L7 b1) with the endings to paragraphs 5 and 6 deliberately shaped for different effects (AF4 L7 b2).
In paragraphs 7 and 8, narrative development is supported by the use of dialogue - another successfully adapted convention effectively deployed for purpose and effect (AF1/2 L7 b1).
Paragraph 9 is deliberately short for emphasis (AF4 L7 b2) and to set up the disclosures in paragraph 10 that bring an end to this section - a flow of information that rapidly increases to reveal those aspects of plot and character that have been managed thus far through hints and allusions (AF3 L7 b1).
The final section deploys paragraphs of varied length and complexity to match narrative pace (AF4 L7 b1), gradually bringing the reader to a full understanding of the situation (AF3 L7 b2). The first person ‘voice’ and perspective are sustained until the end (AF1/2 L7 b2).
Summary comment
Throughout this well-paced narrative, at whole text, paragraph and sentence level, aspects of the level 7 criteria are confidently fulfilled. A range of sentences structures, accurately punctuated (AFs 5/6), deliver a well-shaped and managed flow of information to the reader (AF3) to achieve purpose and effect. Individual paragraphs are carefully crafted for impact (AF4). All these features contribute to the imaginative and successful adaptation of form and style (AFs 1/2) that engages and sustains the reader’s interest. The choice of vocabulary is consistently ambitious and imaginative (AF7 L7) and there is correct spelling throughout (AF8 L7).
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Newspaper report: ‘Danish Discovery Shocks All’Task 2
Danish Discovery Shocks AllScientists and police alike had an astonishing experience in Denmark last week as they found a 2000 year old corpse seemingly hidden in a peat bog last week, write Ruth Long.The corpse has been hailed ‘The Tollund Man’ since it was found last Thursday, in the small Village of Tollund by local labourers digging for earth. Two brothers, Viggo and Emil Hoejgaard unearthed this magnificent historical body by accident in a peat bog at around 10 o’clock on Thursday night last week. The bog is on top of a hill slightly over-looking the town, with nothing but a few trees standing from the ground. But is soon became a place for curios-ity. “It was like something from a horror story,” explained Viggo Hoejgaard, 34, “We saw the body, and it looked so lifelike and well preserved that we thought this person was a victim of a recent murder. Of course, we phoned the police at once.” However, police had heard the description of the body and thought to bring some scientists down from a local university, as another Iron-Age body had been found not far away from this location. As soon as the scientists arrived, rumours were confirmed that the body of an Iron Age man, who had been extremely well-preserved.
“I think everyone was surprised,” said Professor P.V Glob, from nearby Aarhus University, “It is a magnificent unexpected find. He is probably one of the most well-preserved Iron-Age persons ever discov-ered.” As you look down at ‘the Tollund Man’ you notice the expression on his face. It is one of peace, and sleep. However, as you look more carefully at the man, you find a more grisly and gruesome explanation to why he was there. A noose is tied around his neck. And the most obvious question that is being asked is, “How did he get here?” and “Why was he here?” It is very hard to find proof of how and why the Tollund man was there, but many Scientists have their theories. Many believe that the man was a rich or religious man who was ritually sacrificed, and scientific evidence gives the description of his last meal was a soup, full of seeds and plants. This probably considered wealthy food at this time, and so it could prove the above theory, However, others believe he was ritually sacrificed, but he was simply a criminal who was hanged and buried in the peat bog. The age of the Tollund Man’s age is estimated to be around forty years, his body
height a mere one hundred and sixty centimeters, which is Rather small, even for a man in his time. He was so well-preserved that his hair could be seen underneath a leather cap that he wore, as well as a leather belt around his waist. You can even see short stubble on his upper lip, chin and cheeks. This archaeological find was simply luck, but it caused great excitement from all over the world. The Tollund Man is definitely one of the most fascinating pieces of Iron-Age history in the world. If you require more information, Professor P.V. Glob has recorded his report of the Tollund Man in his book called The Bog People.
Key information is conveyed succinctly through the use of sentence forms deploying embedded phrases and clauses effectively for purpose and impact (AF5 L7 b1)
Syntax and a range of punctuation are consistently accurate in a variety of sentence forms (AF6 L6 b1)
Vocabulary chosen for its appropriateness to purpose and audience (AF7 L6 b1)
Correct spelling throughout, including ambitious and complex words (AF8 L7 b1)
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Newspaper report: ‘Danish Discovery Shocks All’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2
The introductory/subheading/first paragraph immediately establishes a sense of purpose and audience at an appropriate level of formality for a newspaper report (AF1/2 L7 b3), despite the slight blemish of the repetition of ‘last week’.
Material in paragraphs 2 and 3 is clearly controlled and sequenced to sustain the reader‘s interest (AF3 L6 b1) and structured into paragraphs that support meaning and purpose (AF4 L6 b1). Information is imparted clearly and precisely in an authoritative tone, establishing and sustaining a clear perspective throughout the report (AF1/2 L7 b2).
Throughout paragraphs 4, 5, 6 and 7, a range of conventions appropriate to purpose and form such as eyewitness comment and ‘expert’ opinion, are well controlled (AF1/2 L7 b1). These devices skilfully manage the information flow (AF3 L7 b2) and so pace the reader through the material (AF3 L7 b1). Within these paragraphs, cohesive devices – ‘Of course…’; ‘As soon as…’; ‘In fact…’; ‘However…’ – contribute to emphasis and effect (AF4 L6 b2).
There is a repetition error in the link between paragraphs 7 and 8, but the last two paragraphs maintain the clearly established viewpoint (AF1/2 L7 b2) and paragraph 9 draws together the threads of a range of information in an effective conclusion (AF3 L7 b1).
Summary comment
Throughout this report, information is organised and presented clearly at whole text (AFs 1/2), paragraph (AFs 3/4) and sentence (AFs 5/6), in ways that are appropriate to form, purpose and audience, securely fulfilling the level 6 criteria. The handling of the conventions of the newspaper report (AFs 1/2), the establishment of a consistent point of view (AF1/2) and the control of the flow of information to pace the reader (AF3) are all particularly skilfully managed, thereby addressing aspects of the level 7 criteria. These strengths are supported by a range of vocabulary that is consistently appropriate (AF7) and correct spelling throughout (AF8).
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Literary essay: SkelligTask 3
Variety of sentence types deployed to achieve purpose (AFs 5/6 L7 b1)
Accurate syntax and full range of punctuation (AF6 L6 b1)
Embedded clauses and punctuation employed to craft a sentence of some individual merit within the development of the argument/text (AFs 5/6 L7 b2)
Vocabulary well-matched to purpose (AF7 L7 b1) and judiciously chosen (AF7 L7 b2)
Analyse the character of Skellig. What do we learn about him in thenovel Skellig by David Almond? Refer closely to the novel in your answer.
Skellig is the most detailed and imaginative character in ‘Skellig’. The first time that readers have a description of him is in the second paragraph of the novel. This first commentary of Skellig is vague, but it is very intriguing. Skellig is expressed as: ‘filthy, pale and dried out … I thought he was dead.’ This is a very negative and unpleasant sketch of Skellig, and it seems he resembles death from this quotation. It also implies that the contrast of Skellig’s character: ‘pale’ and ‘filthy’ nearly opposites, pale being connected with white, and filthy being so with black, or brown. The phrase ‘dried out’ suggests something like a wilting flower, which once was blooming and full of life, and now drying up and dying. As the novel goes on, Almond repeats certain phrases outlining Skellig’s appearance. One of these is: ‘He laughed, but he didn’t smile.’ This signifies a bitter resentment from Skellig, that he is very pessimistic, and in a way, turning his back on the world. On the other hand, towards the end of the novel, Skellig is introduced as a warmer, angelic character. This is somewhat referred to in Mina’s words: ‘You’re beautiful.’ This illustrates the fact that although Skellig maybe covered with dust, or have crooked, cracked wings, that he is a beautiful being, an extraordinary being, who is majestic and marvelous in his own way. The last description of Skellig is ‘a tender white smile on his white face’. This reinforces that Skellig has never lost the pale face that he had at the start of the novel, but he longer has a filthy face: it has been replaced with a smile, that would not even be guessed could be possible when the readers first meet Skellig. At the beginning of the novel, Skellig is very cynical and melancholy. He seems to posses no desire to live and be well, but to do nothing, sit and stay where he is, and gradually die. An example of this is when Mira and Michael come to Skellig in the garage, and Michael is trying to persuade him to move. He says: ‘”…It’s like he’s waiting here to die. I don’t know what to do.”’ Skellig responds, saying, “Do nothing.” This shows that Skellig does not seem to care about himself, and all he wants to do is die. He feels like this because he feels disgust in himself, he hates himself for who he is and what he is. As the novel proceeds, Michael and Mina start to build up his confidence, and when he agrees to let them move him from the garage into the abandoned house, Mina discovers his wings. While she is doing this, Skellig ‘hung his head towards the floor.’ He is ashamed of his wings. However, at the end of the novel, Skellig is no longer ashamed of himself. Almond never describes Skellig as an ugly, bitter character anymore, but a loving and tender being. Skellig’s relationship with Michael is probably the most important friendship in the novel. In the opening few chapters, Skellig seems grudging and irked, and ignores Michael’s offers to help. In response to one offer Michael gives, he says: ‘”Nothing. Go away.”’ This suggests he is reluctant to talk to Michael, and his tone implies he is annoyed and does not require Michael’s help. Skellig also rejects Michael’s words in a very quick and abrupt way, signifying that Skellig wants to be left alone as quickly as possible, and bluntly and rudely not accepting Michael’s help. Towards the end of the novel, however, Skellig’s relationship with Michael is warmer and positive. Skellig seems to help and be helped by Michael with a
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Literary essay: Skellig (continued)Task 3 (continued)
Range of features employed to shape sentences that contribute to the overall development of the text (AFs 5/6 L7 b2)
friendly attitude. An example of this is when Skellig says, “Pair of angels… That’s what you are,”’ this implies that Skellig is grateful for what Michael (and Mina) have done. His tone suggests he is more of a loving, friend-like character compared to the bitter, pessimistic character he is at the beginning of the novel. Skellig’s relationship with Mina is parallel to his relationship with Michael, but with a few differences. I think Skellig has similarities with Mina. For example, Skellig resembles that of an outcast, rejected from the world. Mina is an outcast in many different themes: she is home educated and therefore has no real friends except Michael, and she has a dull outlook on normal life of people, like Skellig. However, she is cleverer than Michael, and does have a part to play in transporting Skellig in safety out of the garage: infact, the place that they keep him (the abandoned house) is Mina’s, so she is vitally important. Skellig is very reluctant to let anyone see him when Michael suggests bringing Mina along to meet him. His response is: ‘“Damn kids… Bring the street… Bring the whole damn town.”’ This signifies that Skellig doesn’t want Michael to bring anyone to meet him, especially anyone clever, because they may discover his wings. It also suggests if Michael should bring one person to see him, Michael might as well bring ‘the whole damn town.’ However, as the novel proceeds, Skellig warms to Mina and I think Mina weakens his will to stay in the garage, because she has a slight idea of what he is and where he came from. On several occasions, Mina refers to Skellig as ‘extraordinary’ and ‘beautiful’. Mina sees though his dirty dace and pessimistic thoughts, and I think she see something angelic, like an angel. In the last meeting between Skellig, Michael and Mina, Skellig says: ‘“But I’m getting strong, thanks to the angels and the owls.”’. Skellig is implying that when he says ‘the angels’ he is referring to Michael and Mina. This meeting is after the incident when Michael and Mina were lifted off the floor of the house, and Michael say ‘ghostly wings at Mina’s back’. This is why I think Skellig is talking about them when he says ‘angels’. Skellig’s connection with Michael’s sister helps with the development in his and Michael’s friendship. At the start of the novel, Michael is jealous of his sister, because his parents neglect him and turn their attention on the baby. However, as the baby begins to get ill, Michael becomes anxious and concerned about his little sister, and at the end of the novel, faints because he cannot feel the baby’s heart beating inside his own. When Almond describes the baby, her face was ‘dead white and he hair was dead black.’ The repetition of ‘dead’ in this sentence implies that the baby looks ill, and she may die. This description of the baby is somewhat similar to Skellig’s own appearance in the garage. Skellig also has a pale face and ‘his black hair was a tangle of knots.’ When Michael asks Skellig to think about his sister, Skellig replies, ‘“Yes Blinking yes.”’ This does suggest that Skellig is irritated by this request, even though he is agreed to do it. However, when Michael turns to go, he says ‘“Yes… Yes I will.”’ Which shows a more confident and positive reply from Skellig. Michael’s mother also has a dream/vision of Skellig holding the baby, which she tells Michael and her husband. She then knew ‘it was going to be alright.’ This resembles Skellig as something like an angel, giving life to baby and faith to all who love her. When Skellig is about to leave, Michael confronts Skellig about his meeting with Michael’s sister. Skellig now warms to his sister. Saying: ‘“That one’s glittering with life… It was her that gave the strength to me.”’ This signifies that it is because of Michael’s sister, Michael and Mina that Skellig has become
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Literary essay: Skellig (continued)Task 3 (continued)
stronger, and maybe become what he used to be. Skellig’s first meeting with the aspect of Michael’s, in comparison is totally different: ‘“Babies! Spittle, muck, spew and tears!”’ Skellig’s love and care is confirmed for Joy, when he leaves three feathers, two for Michael and Mina, and one for Michael’s sister, the one that gave life to him. At the beginning of the novel, when Ernie dies, I think Skellig was meant to look after him, because Ernie didn’t have anyone to care for him, and because he was ill. I think Skellig comes to those that need him most, and then afterwards, goes off to another person that needs help. Ernie needs company, but I don’t think Skellig gave him that (Skellig’s does not have a high opinion of Ernie anyway), so he became pessimistic, and then Michael found him, which to Skellig, was not coincidence. Michael needs hope and strength, the baby needs life, and Michael’s mother needs faith that the baby will survive. After the baby survives, Skellig moves on. When Michael asks where, Skellig replies: ‘“Somewhere.”’ I don’t think Skellig knows where he’s going, but he will be going to someone who needs him, just like Ernie and Michael did. I think Skellig flew from place to place, because, of course, he has wings, so he could probably fly with them to somewhere where people needed him. Skellig is indeed an intriguing and ‘extraordinary’ being. I think he is a mixture of both something human and immortal. I think most of him is an angel, because he has wings, and he gives faith and life to people. There is also a link of evolution and bird references in the novel to Skellig: when Michael and Mina carry him to the abandoned house, he is very light, and Mina explains this is to do with pneumanisation, and it is a natural aspect of birds. Maybe Skellig himself doesn’t know what or who he is, because when Michael asks him, he responds: ‘He shrugged again. “Something… Something like you, something like a beast, something like a bird, something like an angel. Something like that.”’ I think he is a rejected angel at the start for not looking after Ernie, but eventually, with the help of Michael and Mina, discovers his strength and recovers. In the novel, I think Skellig plays an important role, both helping Michael find and keep faith in saving his sister, who Michael was definitely against at the start of the novel, and finding faith in himself as well. Skellig, in the end, is a loving, friendly, warm character, who recovers himself, and the thoughts of others. He is very strong, although at the start of the novel he could not see it himself, and was irritable and easily insulted.
Range of complex sentence forms, with embedded phrases and clauses that support succinct explanation, crafted for purpose and overall effect (AFs 5/6 L7 b1/2)
Correct spelling including complex words (AF8 L7 b1)
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Literary essay: ‘Skellig’ (continued)Assessment commentary for AFs 3, 4, 1 and 2
The opening paragraph gives an overview of the character Skellig to establish purpose and context (AF3 L7 b1) with a range of cohesive devices - repetition of ‘first’; pronouns – ‘This…’ / ‘It…’; ‘As the novel goes on…’; ‘On the other hand…’ – to contribute to emphasis and clarity (AF4 L6 b2).
Paragraph openings – ‘At the beginning of the novel…’; ‘Skellig’s relationship with Mina…‘; ‘Skellig’s connection with Michael’s sister…’ – are consistently used to position the reader and manage the flow of information (AF3 L7 b2). In paragraph 2, vocabulary choices – ‘An example of this…’; ‘However, at the end of the novel…’ – contribute to an appropriate level of formality that establishes and sustains a consistent point of view (AF1/2 L7 b2/3).
Paragraphs 3, 4 and 5 have a similar structure – ‘relationship with Michael’ / ‘relationship with Mina’ / ‘connection with Michael’s sister’– that is integral to meaning and purpose (AF4 L7 b1) in its support for the development of the writer’s line of argument. Paragraph 4 also gives evidence of the successful adaptation of the conventions of a literary essay – for example, comment supported by quotation; references to features drawn from across the text – to clarify and emphasise points (AFs 1/2 L7 b1).
Despite some lack of clarity in the concluding two sentences, the final paragraph overall provides a well-judged, summative point of view that has been sustained throughout (AFs 1/2 L7 b2) and an effective ending by drawing together key aspects of the line of thought that has been developed (AF3 L7 b1).
Summary comment
The main purpose of this essay is to convey a considered personal response to a novel and so its success as a piece of writing is particularly closely related to its effectiveness in addressing that intention. Choice of vocabulary (AF7) is well matched to purpose and contributes to the establishment of an appropriate level of formality and consistent perspective (AFs 1/2). The use of a range of complex sentences with embedded phrases and clauses provides clarity and succinct explanations that support a precise line of argument (AFs 5/6). Material is organised into a sequence of well-structured and developed paragraphs (AF4) that are effectively managed to control the flow of comment and to shape the development of the overall point of view (AF3). Spelling is correct throughout (AF8).
Assessment summaryEach of these three responses is an extensive piece of work in itself and covers a different set of the triplets of writing purposes. For each piece, there is a clear sense of purpose and audience, with material shaped and managed to address those requirements in terms of form, tone and style (AFs 1/2), even in the newspaper report which in other respects is the least well managed of the three. For these assessment focuses, and also for AF3 where the organisation and pacing of information is controlled and shaped to accommodate the needs of the reader, the level 7 criteria are securely and consistently fulfilled. In the newspaper report, paragraphs (AF4) are competently built around key points, developing these and linking information to support meaning and purpose in ways that fulfil the level 6 criteria. However, in the discussion of ’Skellig’, paragraphs are used to control a wider range of information and present this in ways that effectively take account of the needs of the reader; and in ‘A Brother’s Murder’, they are imaginatively crafted in ways that contribute to narrative tension. Hence, there is evidence of some fulfilment of the level 7 criteria. At sentence level, a variety of sentence forms, supported by accurate syntax and punctuation (AFs 5/6), is used to engage and sustain the reader’s interest in the narrative and to convey ideas precisely and succinctly in the ‘Skellig’ essay. There is consistent evidence of the use of a range of embedded phrases and clauses and control of complex verb forms throughout, and, additionally, in ‘A Brother’s Murder’, repetition and antithesis give balance in the construction of sentences that have merit in themselves as well as in terms of their contribution to the overall text - again satisfying the level 7 criteria. All the responses benefit from a wide range of judiciously chosen vocabulary (AF7) and accurate spelling (AF8). The level 7 criteria for all the AFs are met fully and consistently across a range of writing and so the overall judgement for this collection is secure level 7.
11The National Strategies | Secondary Assessing pupils’ progress in English at Key Stage 3: Pupil 20 Writing
© Crown copyright 2008 00705-2008BKT-EN
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ise
and
pres
ent
who
le te
xts e
ffec
tive
ly,
sequ
enci
ng a
nd
stru
ctur
ing
info
rmat
ion,
id
eas a
nd e
vent
s
AF4
– c
onst
ruct
pa
ragr
aphs
and
use
co
hesi
on w
ithi
n an
d be
twee
n pa
ragr
aphs
AF1
– w
rite
im
agin
ativ
e,
inte
rest
ing
and
thou
ghtf
ul te
xts
AF2
– p
rodu
ce
text
s whi
ch a
re
appr
opri
ate
to ta
sk,
read
er a
nd p
urpo
se
AF7
– s
elec
t ap
prop
riat
e an
d ef
fect
ive
voca
bula
ry
AF8
– u
se c
orre
ct s
pelli
ng
Leve
l 7Ac
ross
a ra
nge
of w
ritin
gva
riety
of s
ente
nce
type
s dep
loye
d ju
dici
ousl
y • ac
ross
the
text
to a
chie
ve p
urpo
se a
nd o
vera
ll ef
fect
, with
rare
loss
of c
ontr
ola
rang
e of
feat
ures
em
ploy
ed to
shap
e/cr
aft
• sent
ence
s tha
t hav
e in
divi
dual
mer
it an
d co
ntrib
ute
to o
vera
ll de
velo
pmen
t of t
he te
xt,
e.g.
em
bedd
ed p
hras
es a
nd cl
ause
s tha
t sup
port
su
ccin
ct e
xpla
natio
n; se
cure
cont
rol o
f com
plex
ve
rb fo
rms;
antit
hesis
, rep
etiti
on o
r bal
ance
in
sent
ence
stru
ctur
e
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•inf
orm
atio
n, id
eas a
nd
even
ts sk
illfu
lly m
anag
ed
and
shap
ed to
ach
ieve
in
tend
ed p
urpo
se a
nd
effe
ct, e
.g. in
trodu
ctio
n an
d de
velo
pmen
t of c
hara
cter
, pl
ot, e
vent
, or t
he te
rms o
f an
arg
umen
t, ar
e pac
ed
acro
ss th
e tex
t•a
var
iety
of d
evic
es
posit
ion
the
read
er, e
.g.
skilf
ul co
ntro
l of i
nfor
mat
ion
flow
to re
ader
; tea
sing
the
read
er b
y dra
win
g at
tent
ion
to h
ow th
e nar
rativ
e or
argu
men
t is b
eing
han
dled
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•par
agra
phin
g ac
ross
th
e te
xt is
inte
gral
to
mea
ning
and
pur
pose
, e.
g. p
arag
raph
leng
th
and
com
plex
ity va
ried
to
mat
ch n
arra
tive p
ace o
r de
velo
pmen
t of a
rgum
ent;
varie
d de
vice
s to
link o
r ju
xtap
ose p
arag
raph
s; pa
ragr
aph
stru
ctur
e re
peat
ed fo
r effe
ct•i
ndiv
idua
l par
agra
phs
shap
ed o
r cra
fted
for
imag
inat
ive
or rh
etor
ical
ef
fect
, e.g
. last
sent
ence
ec
hoin
g th
e firs
t; le
ngth
y sin
gle s
ente
nce
para
grap
h to
conv
ey in
ner
mon
olog
ue
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•im
agin
ativ
e an
d ge
nera
lly su
cces
sful
ad
apta
tion
of w
ide
rang
e of
form
s and
co
nven
tions
to su
it va
riety
of p
urpo
ses
and
audi
ence
s, e.
g. d
elib
erat
e ref
eren
ce to
ot
her t
exts
or t
extu
al co
nven
tions
for e
ffect
or
em
phas
is•w
ell j
udge
d, d
istin
ctiv
e in
divi
dual
voi
ce o
r po
int o
f vie
w e
stab
lishe
d an
d su
stai
ned
thro
ugho
ut, e
.g. c
onsis
tent
han
dlin
g of
na
rrato
r’s p
erso
na in
fict
ion;
wel
l con
trol
led
use o
f orig
inal
turn
s of p
hras
e in
form
al
disc
ursiv
e writ
ing
•gen
eral
ly su
cces
sful
and
con
sist
ent c
ontr
ol
of a
ppro
pria
te le
vel o
f for
mal
ity a
nd
varie
d ra
nge
of st
ylis
tic d
evic
es to
ach
ieve
in
tend
ed e
ffec
t, e.
g. va
ryin
g th
e lev
el o
f fo
rmal
ity w
ithin
a p
iece
for e
ffect
; dire
ct
addr
ess t
o th
e rea
der o
r tak
ing
the r
eade
r int
o th
eir c
onfid
ence
Acr
oss a
rang
e of
w
ritin
gvo
cabu
lary
• co
nsis
tent
ly,
ofte
n im
agin
ativ
ely,
w
ell m
atch
ed
to p
urpo
se
and
audi
ence
rang
e of
• vo
cabu
lary
ge
nera
lly
varie
d an
d am
bitio
us,
ofte
n ju
dici
ousl
y ch
osen
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
corr
ect s
pelli
ng
•th
roug
hout
Leve
l 6Ac
ross
a ra
nge
of
writ
ing
con
trol
led
use
of
• a va
riety
of s
impl
e an
d co
mpl
ex
sent
ence
s to
achi
eve
purp
ose
and
cont
ribut
e to
ov
eral
l effe
ctco
nfid
ent u
se o
f a
• rang
e of
sent
ence
fe
atur
es to
cla
rify
or e
mph
asise
m
eani
ng, e
.g.
front
ed a
dver
bial
s (‘R
eluc
tant
ly, h
e…’,
‘Fiv
e day
s lat
er,
it…’),
com
plex
nou
n or
pre
posit
iona
l ph
rase
s
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•syn
tax
and
full
rang
e of
pun
ctua
tion
are
cons
iste
ntly
acc
urat
e in
a v
arie
ty o
f sen
tenc
e st
ruct
ures
, with
oc
casi
onal
err
ors i
n am
bitio
us st
ruct
ures
, e.
g. o
nly o
ccas
iona
l co
mm
a sp
lices
, som
e us
e of s
emic
olon
s, no
t al
way
s acc
urat
e
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•mat
eria
l is c
lear
ly
cont
rolle
d an
d se
quen
ced,
taki
ng
acco
unt o
f the
read
er’s
likel
y re
actio
n, e
.g.
para
grap
hs o
f diff
erin
g le
ngth
s, us
e of f
lash
back
in
nar
rativ
e, a
ntic
ipat
ing
read
er’s
ques
tions
a ra
nge
of fe
atur
es c
lear
ly
• sign
al o
vera
ll di
rect
ion
of
the
text
for t
he re
ader
, e.g
. op
enin
g pa
ragr
aphs
that
in
trod
uce t
hem
es cl
early
, pa
ragr
aph
mar
kers
, link
s be
twee
n pa
ragr
aphs
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
cons
truc
tion
of
• para
grap
hs c
lear
ly
supp
orts
mea
ning
and
pu
rpos
e, e
.g. p
arag
raph
to
pic s
igna
lled
and
then
de
velo
ped,
with
hold
ing
of in
form
atio
n fo
r effe
ct,
them
atic
link
s bet
wee
n pa
ragr
aphs
with
in p
arag
raph
s,
• cohe
sive
dev
ices
co
ntrib
ute
to e
mph
asis
an
d ef
fect
, e.g
. adv
erbi
als
as se
nten
ce st
arte
rs
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
imag
inat
ive
trea
tmen
t of a
ppro
pria
te
• mat
eria
ls, f
amili
arity
with
con
vent
ions
of
a va
riety
of f
orm
s, ad
aptin
g th
em w
hen
need
ed to
suit
purp
ose
and
audi
ence
, no
t alw
ays s
ucce
ssfu
lly, e
.g. d
elib
erat
e use
of
inap
prop
riate
regi
ster
for h
umou
r, cl
ear
emph
asis
on n
arra
tion
rath
er th
an p
lot
conv
inci
ng, i
ndiv
idua
l voi
ce o
r poi
nt o
f • vi
ew e
stab
lishe
d an
d m
ostly
sust
aine
d th
roug
hout
, e.g
. aut
horit
ativ
e exp
ert v
iew
, co
nvin
cing
char
acte
risat
ion,
ado
ptin
g a
role
leve
l of f
orm
ality
use
d fo
r pur
pose
and
• au
dien
ce g
ener
ally
app
ropr
iate
and
a ra
nge
of st
ylis
tic d
evic
es u
sed
to a
chie
ve e
ffect
, no
t alw
ays s
ucce
ssfu
lly, e
.g. c
ontro
lled
info
rmal
ity, g
ener
alisa
tions
or s
hifts
bet
wee
n co
nver
satio
nal s
tyle
and
mor
e lite
rary
la
ngua
ge
Acro
ss a
rang
e of
w
ritin
gvo
cabu
lary
• ch
osen
ge
nera
lly
appr
opria
te to
pu
rpos
e an
d au
dien
ce
rang
e of
• vo
cabu
lary
ge
nera
lly
varie
d an
d of
ten
ambi
tious
, ev
en th
ough
ch
oice
s not
al
way
s apt
Acr
oss a
rang
e of
writ
ing
•gen
eral
ly c
orre
ct sp
ellin
g th
roug
hout
, inc
ludi
ng so
me
ambi
tious
, unc
omm
on
- wor
dsw
ords
with
com
plex
- so
und/
sym
bol
rela
tions
hips
wor
ds w
ith u
nstr
esse
d - sy
llabl
esm
ulti-
lett
er v
owel
and
- co
nson
ant s
ymbo
lslik
ely
erro
rs:
• -o
ccas
iona
lly in
co
mpl
ex w
ords
such
as
outr
ageo
us, e
xagg
erat
ed,
anno
unci
ng, p
aral
lel
BL
IE
Ke
y:
BL
-Bel
ow L
evel
IE
-Insu
ffic
ient
Evi
denc
e
Ove
rall
asse
ssm
ent (
tick
one
box
only
)H
igh
7
S
ecur
e 7
Low
7
Hig
h 6
Sec
ure
6
Low
6
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