ased on the illustrations of sir john tenniel - quthe looks through his camera which frames alice...
TRANSCRIPT
ased on the Illustrations of Sir John Tenniel
Adapted hy ANTHONY SWAFFER
NOTES
1. The original name of thdbook was "Alice's Adventures Underground". This should be borne in mind by the animators when drawing the passageways and scenery Alice traverses. Roots and soil should figure prominently in the landscape.
CAST LIST
CHARLES LUTWIDGE DQDGSON (30) (a.k.a. LEWIS CARROLL) LORINA LIDDELL (12) ALICE LIDDELL (10) (Live and animated) EDITH LIDDELL (8)' THE REVEREND ROBINSON DUCKWORTH (30) THE WHITE RABBIT THE CHESHIRE CAT CROCODILE MOUSE DODO GRYPHON LORY LlZAR D PELICAN MONKEY EAGLET OWL CRAB MOTHER CRAB DAUGHTER MAGPIE CATER PILLAR CANARY PIG BABY DUCHESS COOK HAlTER MARCH HARE DORMOUSE OYSTER PANTHER EXECUTIONER OLD FATHER WILLIA YOUNG MAN CARD SOLDIERS FROG FOOTMAN FISH FOOTMAN
4LY Ji" f p J F ? \ T 7 G( @ o g s I - ; I" & & L 4 [ rs G- I-t
& + J ? f l g + 5 0 ? 7 r R I ; L y LOBSTERS q tA,L.' SALMON <(+ CLOf%< B 0 f - t G k F - d
q @ h G Q Q G E @ PrLL rM-b SEALS 4 c_>gj701f2-Ouv"\ z
C q O &c(-I & ' ! yo*
SNAl L WHIT1 NG
MOCK TURTLE FLAMING OS
QUEEN OF HEARTS KING OF HEARTS KNAVE OF HEARTS 3 PAINTERS JURYMEN ANIMALS
<L.J/2g5/!& y>kG HEDGEHOGS c R O U
1
LIVE ACTION.
1. INTKHARLES DODGSON'S STUDY. CHRIST CHURCH. OXFORD. DAY.
Rock still, half a dozen little girls in Mid-Victorian dress stare solemnly at us - eyes round as saucers, lips compressed in concentration. We hear Dodgson's voice over.
DODGSON (VO) No! No! No! No! You all look as solemn as sextons. You are not here to be executed. You are here to have your lovely physiognomies immortalised by the wet collodian process of photography. So you must all smile, laugh, giggle, guffaw, rollick, and generally ju bi late.
They do not change expression, as WE WIDEN OUT to see we are in a study, neat and ordered to the point of pedantry, in Christ Church College Oxford in the mid 1850's. Behind a plate camera mounted on a tripod stands CHARLES LUTWIDGE DODGSON - a thin light-haired man about thirty years old. Of medium height, he is asymetrical, having one shoulder higher than the other, his blue eyes are not quite level, and when he walks it is with a peculiar, jerky gait. His sly smile is askew.
DODGSON Children, do you know about the mad gardener?
Murmurs of "no". DODGSON
I passed by his garden and marked with one eye How the Owl and the Oyster were sharing a pie. While the Duck and the Dodo, the Lizard and Cat Were swimming in milk round the brim of a hat.
A titter comes from the girls.
IST GIRL The Duck would be too big.
2ND GIRL So would the Dodo.
(For our purposes Alice should be as much like the Tenniel drawing as possible even though in real life Alice Liddell was not his model).
ALICE How do you know that? The Dodo is an extinct animal, As dead as the Dodo! You can't have seen one.
4TH GIRL Yes I have! Yes I have! And it wouldn't fit on a hat brim.
ALICE You can't possibly have!
DODGSON Alice! Don't be so argumentative! Now girls, smile!
They stare at him grim faced. With a shrug he takes the photograph. A flash and a puff of smoke wipes the scene.
When it has cleared we see the photograph. sticking their tongues out, crossing their eyes,
pulling faces - .&UA-
3
2. EXT. RIVER ISIS. DAY
The day is heavily overcast. The three Liddell girls, Lorina (13), Alice (IO) and Edith (8) are in a rowing boat, the first two rowing in a highly unco- ordinated fashion whilst the latter steers a zig zag course, watched by the Reverend Robinson Duckworth and Dodgson (both about 30). Dinah, Alice's cat is also in the boat.
DODGSON o/O) All in the golden afternoon Full leisurely we glide For both our oars, with little skill By little arms are plied While little hands make vain pretence Our wanderings to guide,
DODGSON Prima! Secunda!
As their names are called the girls turn to look at Dodgson.
DOOGSON You really must learn to pull together. And you Tertia, you must learn to steer straight.
Edith pulls studiously on the tiller. We hear a deep rumble of thunder. Alice shudders fearfu I l y .
ALICE Tell us a story, please Mr Dodgson.
DOOGSON I'm not at all sure I'm in the mood. Why should I ?
EDITH Then we won't hear the thunder
DODGSON Don't be afraid of the thunder, Tertia. It won't harm you. After all thunder is only the disturbance of air due to a discharge of electricity. In fact ...
LORINA Begin the story please, instantly.
ALICE Yes, now if you please. I can't wait, and let's have plenty of nonsense in it.
EDITH Go on, Mr Dodgson, do.
DODGSON (VO) Ah cruel three! In such an hour Beneath such dreary weather To beg a tale of breath too weak To stir the tiniest feather. Yet what can one poor voice avail Against three tongues together.
DODGSON PO) (Con t'd) Imperious Prima flashes forth Her edict to "begin it" In gentler tones Secunda hopes There will be nonsense in it. While Tertia interrupts the tale Not more than once a minute.
ROBINSON DUCKWORTH I think you'd better, Charles,
DODGSON Oh very well. Once upon a time ...
5
EDITH Why do all stories have to start with once upon a time?
LORlNAjALlCE (Together) Ssh! Be quiet, Edith.
DODGSON Once upon a time ...
The heavens open. The adults seize the oars and row the boat to shelter under a willow tree on the bank. They tie up to a tree stump and Dodgson, having protected the three girls with his brolly, composes himself for sleep. Lorina prods him sharply.
LORINA Well go on with the story.
DODGSON (Sleepily) You shall hear it next time.
ALICE It is next time.
A LONG MIX coupled with STOP FRAME cloudscapes clearing to a cloudless blue sky.
3. EXT. RIVER ISIS. DAY.
It is a perfect summer day in July. Once again the boat with the same occupants as the last scene drifts idly on its way through the drowsy drone of bees, and skipping dragonflies, and the trilling of larks.
The boat pulls in to the bank, and the party disembarks to find the shade of a hayrick. Dodgson and Robinson carry the tea hamper between them.
6
DODGSON WO) A boat beneath a sunny sky Lingers onward dreamily In an evening of July.
Children three that nestle near Eager eye and willing ear Pleased a simple tale to hear.
Long has paled that sunny sky Echoes fade and memories die Autumn frosts have slain July.
Still she haunts me phantomwise Alice moving under skies Never seen by waking eyes.
Children yet the tale to hear Eager eye and willing ear Lovingly shall nestle near.
In a Wonderland they lie Dreaming as the days go by Dreaming as the summers die.
v
Ever drifting down the stream - Lingering in the golden gleam Life, what is it but a dream?
Dodgson sets up his tripod camera as the others unpack the hamper. Lots of luscious cakes are revealed, and bottles of boiled sweets, and ginger pop.
ALICE It is next time now, for our story Mr Dodgson. You never told it, you know.
EDITH (Sending him up) Once upon a time ...
7
LORlNA Ssh!
DODGSON You mustn't be rude, Edith dear. Manners maketh little girls you know!
ALICE Please begin, Mr Dodgson.
DODGSON Very well. Just one picture first.
He looks through his camera which frames Alice sitting next to Lorina in the dappled shade of the hayrick on the river bank, with Dinah in her lap. Her eyes begin to screw up in the glare. Her head nods.
WE CUT to see the picture Dodgson has framed through the lens of the camera.
DODGSON WO) Eyes open, Alice! Pay attention!
ALICE The sto ry.... tell us a story.
DODGSON Very well ... Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank .,...
Alice's head sinks down, and she finds herself staring down a rabbit hole.
ANIMATION. TENNIEL DRAWINGS.
4. EXT. THE FIELD BY THE RIVER B ANK. The White Rabbit with check coat, waistcoat, and parasol under its arm, dashes into shot. It takes a half hunter watch out of the waistcoat pocket.
8
WHITE RABBIT Oh dear! Oh dear! I shall be too late!
And it pops down the rabbit hole. Alice immediately dives down the hole after it.
5. INT. RABBIT HOLE. In the filtered light from above we see the walls of the rabbit hole as Alice, her voluminous skirt acting as a parachute, falls in slow motion downwards past dolls house-like domestic interiors representing many different centuries and cultures, - as if history is being represented in microcosm, and the start of the world's civilisation lay at its centre.
We hear but do not see various characters we are to meet later making remarks typical of themselves as a kind of aural trailer. viz:
HATTER Up above the world you fly, Like a tea-tray in the sky, Twinkle, twinkle ....
DORMOUSE Twinkle, twinkle, twinkle, twinkle ...
QUEEN OF HEARTS Off with his head!
HATTER This watch is 2 days wrong. I told you butter wouldn't suit the works.
MARCH HARE It was the best butter you know.
HATTER Why is a raven like a writing desk?
9
CATERPILLAR You are old Father William, the young man said.
DUCHESS Speak roughly to your little boy And beat him when he sneezes He only does it to annoy Because he knows it teases.
MOCK TURTLE Will you walk a little faster said a whiting to a snail.
From one of the shelves she grabs an opaque jar labelled ORANGE MARMALADE, and opens it, but to her chagrin it is empty.
ALICE How tiresome of people to keep empty jars on their shelves. Lemon Marmalade I wouldn't have minded, but Orange is my favourite.
She puts it on a shelf she is passing.
ALICE I wonder how many miles I've fallen. By this time I must be getting somewhere near the centre of the earth. Let me see... that would be 4000 miles down I think, but then I wonder if I shall fall right through the earth. How funny it'll seem to come out among the people that walk with their heads downwards! The Antipathies, I think.
Below her the White Rabbit can still be seen tumbling through space, still consulting his watch and crying out.
10
WHITE RABBIT Oh dear!..Oh dear!..Oh dear! What's the time now? ... That can't be right ... Oh, it's the wrong way
UP.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) Dinah will miss me very much tonight, I should think. I hope they'll remember her saucer of milk at tea time. (Aloud) Dinah, I wish you were down here with me, though there are no mice in the air.
The top half of the Cheshire Cat suddenly forms in the air, grinning,
CHESHIRE CAT Who's Dinah?
ALICE My cat.
CHESHIRE CAT Is she a Cheshire Cat?
ALICE No.
CHESHIRE CAT Then she can't be any good.
ALICE At least she doesn't creep up on a person in sections.
CHESHIRE CAT She obviously has no modesty, Showing all of herself - that's just brazen. By the way, you don't fly very well do you? And I suspect your cat flies worse than you do.
11
ALICE I'm sure he's very good at it.
CHESHIRE CAT (A Barker's Voice) Presenting - Cheeky Cheshire, - The Aerialist Pussl
He does a couple of cartwheels and back flips.
CHESHIRE CAT Wheel ....
ALICE I don't think he'd care to show off like that. Carrying on like a scalded cat! If 1 could see all of you I would throw a bucket of cold water over you,
CHESHIRE CAT Clever! A scalded cat dreads cold water. Just as well you haven't got any.
And he thumbs his nose at Alice, and slowly disappears, the grin leaving last.
ALICE What a rude cat! You'd put him to flight, Dinah, I know - at least the bits you could see of him!
She lands on a pile of sticks and dry leaves.
Immediately she is on her feet, only to be knocked down again by the White Rabbit corning from behind her in a panicky run,
WHITE RABBIT Oh my ears and whiskers, how late it's getting.
It runs away from her down the passage. Alice pursues and is almost caught up to it when it turns a corner and disappears.
12
6. INT. HALLWAY The hallway is lit by a row of lamps hung from the roof. There are doors all round the hall. In an increasing panic Alice tries the handles of each of them, but they are all locked.
ALICE I shall never get out now. Never!
She sees a three-legged glass table with a tiny golden key on it. She takes up the key and tries it on a few of the doors, but it is obviously too small for all the keyholes.
At length she stumbles over a low curtain on a brass curtain rail, and behind it a little door about 15 inches high. She opens the door.
7. PASSAGEWAY AND GARDEN. Alice's POV. At the end of the passageway we see a bright, sun-drenched flower garden where fountains are playing, and miniature birds of exotic plumage swoop and dart among the Bonzai sized foliage.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) Even if my head would go through it would be of very little use without my shoulders.
She kneels and gets her head through the door, but there she sticks. She extricates herself, relocks the door, rises, and wanders back to the glass table, and replaces the key. On it is now a bottle with a label DRINK ME attached to it.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) Oh how I wish I could shut up like a telescope. I think I could if I only knew how to begin. I wonder if I can find a book of rules for shutting people up like telescopes.
13
Very suspiciously Alice uncaps the bottle and sniffs it. Images of cherry tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast emerge from the bottle and form briefly in the air.
She drinks it down, and immediately starts to collapse down in sections to about ten inches, like a telescope.
ALICE What a curious feeling. I think I must be shutting up like a telescope ... Curiouser and curiouser!
We measure her shrinking against the table leg. The head of the Cheshire Cat returns, and peers down at her through the glass table top, which distorts its features to malevolent effect, so that from Alice's P.O.V. it looks like a giant, devouring gargoyle.
CHESHIRE CAT fl+ It's very unfair to change your size. It's not playing the
game.
ALICE Why isn't it? You do so all the time.
CHESHIRE CAT I'm allowed to, but you're just a copy cat - get it? Hee! Hee!
It disappears again, as before the grin last.
ALICE Thank the Lord it's gone. I can now get into that lovely garden. Now where did I put the k.,.,?
Her voice trails off as she looks up and sees the tiny golden key on the glass table top now far above her.
ALICE Oh no! What a stupid creature 1 am to be sure.
14
And she starts laboriously to climb one of the table legs. Finally she gets to the rim of the table and grabs for the key. It spurts from her hand out of reach. As she clings to the edge, the Cheshire Cat returns - just a grin and a paw. She freezes.
CHESHIRE CAT If I'd been asked, I'd have said you had - cataplexy, my dear.
ALICE What's that, when it's at home?
CHESHIRE CAT A sudden, temporary paralysis due to fright.
The paw scratches Alice's hand, making her lose her grip on the table.
The Cat disappears laughing, as Alice falls bumpily down the table leg to land on the floor where she sits crying miserably. A large pool starts forming which reaches half way down the hall.
WE CIRCLE HER SLOWLY, giving her time for the cry and to pull herself together.
ALICE Come, there's no use in crying like that ... I advise you to leave off this minute! Now let me collect myself. I ' l l say a poem.
As Alice recites the poem we animate it, the crocodile emerging from the pool of tears to sit on the bank to "improve his shining tail" by excessive preening, and devour the little fishes with his wicked "gently smiling jaws''
ALICE How doth the little crocodile Improve his shining tail And pour the waters of the Nile On every golden scale!
15
How cheerfully he seems to grin How neatly spread his claws And welcomes little fishes in With gently smiling jaws ....
That's better - you great booby crying over a little key .... All the same it's very vexing!
She stamps her foot in fury and slips into -
8. THE POOL 0 F TEARS Alice is swimming about in circles.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) I do wish I hadn't cried so much. I shall be punished for it now, I suppose, by being drowned in my own tears! That will be a queer thing to be sure.
Suddenly she sees a creature with big ears and whiskers swimming towards her.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) Could it be Dinah? (Aloud. Calling) Dinah! Dinah!
The creature lifts its head. It is a Mouse.
MOUSE Dinah? Who's Dinah?
ALICE My cat.
16
The Mouse turns white, gives a little shriek, and trembles with fear.
A l l CE Oh I beg your pardon. 1 quite forgot you didn't like cats.
MOUSE (Shrill) Not like cats! Would you like cats, if you were me? -, ___/ A L k E Well perhaps not. But I t ink you'd take a fancy to Dinah, if you could o such lovely whiskers, a the fire and she's so c she's such a capital o
ee her. She's got ts purring so nicely by
The Mouse turns white again, and
I beg your pardon. more, if you'd rather not
MOUSE As if I would talk on such a subject!
Our family always hated cats - nasty, low, vulgar things!
kills all the rats and m. ...
It then swims huffily away.
17
ALICE Oh dear, I'm afraid I've (Calling) Mouse, dear. we won't talk about cats, don't like them. 3 e-y---' I .
The Mouse turns and with condescending gestures swims slowly back.
Various animals including a Duck, a Dodo, a lory (an Australian Parrot, perhaps the Rainbow Lorrikeet, o Triohoglosus
4 h b'
Monkey, an Eaglet, an Owl and seme Crabsfall 1 ALICE
Good Lord, it's raining cats and dogs.
The Mouse eyes Alice balefully, and wags its paw in a gesture of admonishment .
MOUSE
a- I L k
I
<Re - A All the animals swim to the edge of the pool led by t- Alice, and climb out.
9. A DIFFERENT TUNNEL The animals stand around wet and be footsteps, and shaking themselves. Alice speaks first.
gled, taking short, squelching
ALICE
18
They all sit down in a ring round th importantly.
e which draws itself up
Ahem! Are you all r is is the driest thing I know.
As he speaks WE CIRCLE the s yawn elaborately, or show other etcetera.
tures ending on Alice. They all edorn - flickering eyelids
(In a monotone) William the Conqu by the Pope was who wanted lead much accustome Edwin and Morc Northumbria de
ause was favoured d to by the English ad been of late
the moderate behaviour ...
I'm as wet as me at all.
DODO
need is a caucus race
ALICE What is a caucus race?
19
DODO It's usually run by elective party committees. We must run around in circles.
ALICE But that way we won't get anywhere,
DODO Yes we will. We will get dry. Come on everybody. On your marks. Get set. Go!
And the Dodo starts running round in circles ... All the animals follow suit, stopping and starting when they like, bumping into each other, and getting in the most fearful tangle.
After a short time the Dodo holds up an imperious walking stick.
DODO The race is over!
CHORUS OF ANIMALS But who has won?
DODO Everybody has won,and all must have prizes.
CHORUS But who is to give the prizes?
The Dodo points at Alice.
DODO Why she of course.
They crowd round Alice.
20
CHORUS Prizes! Prizes!
ALICE I'm afraid I don't have any prizes.
CHORUS We want prizes!
ALICE Oh very well.
She searches through her pockets, and produces a box of comfits (little hard sweets made by preserving dried fruit with sugar and covering them with a thin coating of syrup),
ALICE Everyone shall have a comfit.
She hands them round. Some little birds choke on them and have to be patted on the back by the bigger animals. The bigger birds are however disdainful.
THE PELICAN Mine was so small I couldn't taste it at all, What a swizz!
MOUSE She must have a prize herself, you know.
DODO Of course. (To Alice) What else have you got in your pocket?
ALICE Only a thimble.
21
DODO Hand it over.
They all crowd round again as Alice complies.
DODO We beg your acceptance of this elegant thimble.
They all cheer as Alice bows solemnly and takes back the
thimble. rL - '1 --.. ..
You promised to tell rn why it is you hate (a w
ur history you know - &V& P
The Mouse starts to turn white and premptorily.
quivering, but Alice stops it
Now come! That's
The Mouse pulls itself together.
Sorry. I mustn't be a ninny. There's nothing to be afraid of.
The Cheshire Cat's head appear t to the Mouse, making it jump.
(Si I k i I y) Isn't there? I WO hardy, if I were you.
The Mouse squeals and quive who has not seen the Cheshir
ry itself in the ground. Alice
22
Th Mous
Now what's the matter!? ... top that at once and begin!
AL\ watches the Cat disappear Alice's left shoulder,
mesmerized, and starts to relax.
Just when it is convinced that the right shoulder, prompting a renew
gone, it re-appears behind Alice's
Good grief! You ar t tiresomely timid creature I ever.. . . .
(S t utt e r i ng with te r ro r) L,...Look behind you!
But by the time Alice has turned
The Mouse continues to look wildly we hear an occasional purr or mi manifestation, which completely
Cat has entirely disappeared.
t it. Throughout the ensuing poem no accompanying visible
Mine is a long and
WE MOVE TO ISOLATE the Mous 's long tail in shot.
LICE
It's a long tail certain1 i , but why do you call it (Voice Over)
sad?
The following poem appears in th$ shape of a tail, and fits over the Mouse's own tail which disappears, and is replaced by the words. J
23
Warm and snug and fat. But one woe, and that Was the cat.
To our joys a clog.
M( Fury said to a mouse, That he met in the hou5 Let us both go to law: I will prosecute you, - Come, 1'11 take no denia We must have the trial, For really this morning I Said the mouse to the c 'Such a trial, dear sir, With no jury nor judge, Would be wasting our b 'I'll be judge, 1'11 be jury' Said cunning old Fury, 'I'll try the whole cause And condemn you to de
On our hearts a log Was the dog!
When the cat's away Then the mice will pia) But alas one day;
1
OR we use the version which appear Adventures Underground, and which fulfills the Mouse's promise to explair this extent 'pays off more effectively. NB: The action of the poem could bc confined in a tail shaped configuratio
JSE
I
e nothing to do. r.
!ath',
lh'.
1 in the Original Version of Alice's obviously more appropriate as it
Nhy he dislikes cats and dogs, and to
illustrated instead of the words,
JSE
I 24
Each one as h Underneath the
Think of that!
I think?
I had not.
undo it.
fellow's tail.
25
The Mouse growls and bri
, and finish your tale.
US OF ANIMALS Yes. Please do
ar a miaow, and the Cheshire Cat's se takes off at speed,
dmonitory claw at a small young crab. \
se your temper.
ce. An old black and white Magpie goes complet ite, and tremblingly wraps a scarf
suit my throat.
soprano voice addresses its children, who also turn white,
26
I /
Alice is left alone,
We hear in the distance feet pattering towards us.
ALICE I knew that stupid mouse would get over its pique.
But it is the White Rabbit, looking anxiously about, who appears.
WHITE RABBIT The Duchess! ... The Duchess! Oh my fur and whiskers! ... Oh my sainted paws! She'll get me executed sure as ferrets are ferrets ... Where can I have dropped my gloves and fan, I wonder.
ALICE Excuse me, but do you mean you've lost them?
WHITE RABBIT Of course I do, you silly girl. Mary Ann, what are you doing out here? Run home this moment, and fetch me another pair, and a fan.
ALICE But my name is ....
The White Rabbit points imperiously overtopping her by some inches and Alice runs off in the indicated direction.
27
WHITE RABBIT And mind the cucumber frames!
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) He took me for his housemaid, how absurd to be a housemaid to a rabbit. Though I suppose it's no more absurd than talking to a Dodo! I expect 1'11 have Dinah ordering m a b o u t presentlv.
She approaches a neat little gabbled house with many entrances called "The Warren". A plate on the carrot shaped letter box reads, "W. Rabbit", Alice passes through the gate which is bigger than she is. Cucumber frames abound on all sides of the house.
10. INT. THE WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. STAIRCASE. She enters cautiously, fearful of discovery by the real Mary Ann, and tip toes up the stairs.
11. INT. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. BEDROO M. In a bedroom she sees a table with white gloves and fan on it. She picks them up, and is about to leave when she stops and fans herself vigorously. With every flick of the wrist she grows bigger, until alarmed, she stops, but she still keeps on growing until her head is against the ceiling, one arm is out of the window, and one foot up the chimney.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) Goodness gracious. I wonder if the White Rabbit grows bigger when he fans himself.
12. INT. STAIRCASE. WHI TE RABBIT'S HOUSE. The White Rabbit marches importantly up the stairs.
28
WHITE RABBIT Mary Ann! Mary Ann! Fetch me my gloves and fan this instant! ,
He tries to open the door, but fails because Alice's elbow is pressed against it.
WHITE RABBIT (Muttering to himself) Then 1'11 go round and get in at the window.
He sets off down the stairs.
13. INT. BEDROOM. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE.
In the bedroom Alice smiles grimly.
ALICE (To herself) Oh no you won't Mr Beau Bunny!
14. EXT. THE WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. The White Rabbit tiptoes up to the house, and starts to shin up the drain pi pe.
Alice's arm and hand hang down beside it.
WHITE RABBIT Good gracious! By the size of this arm a monster must be in the house!
AS the White Rabbit comes abreast of the fingers, thumb and forefinger come together, and flick him off, sending him crashing into the cucumber frame at the bottom.
29
15. EXT. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE As the White Rabbit extricates himself from the cucumber frame in the garden a chaotic scene presents itself.
Most of the animals we encountered in the pool of tears - Dodo, Owl, Pelican, Lory, Eaglet, Mouse, Monkey, Lizard are milling about, the first two pushing a handcart full of little stones, while the rest carrying ladders, ropes, -L pieces of scaffolding are marshalled by the White Rabbit.
WHITE RABBIT Over here fellows. We must get on the roof forthwith.
MOUSE (To the Monkey) Where's the other ladder?
I hadn't to bring but one. Bill's got the other.
MONKEY
BILL No I ain't.
OWL Well never mind. That one will stretch, if Dodo and I hold it.
The question is will the roof bear up?
The Owl flies up to the roof and dislodges a slate.
OWL Cave! Heads below!
The slate smashes another cucumber frame. The White Rabbit regards it bleakly.
30
WHITE RABBIT That's the second cucumber frame smashed! Just for that you can go down the chimney, Owl, and flush her out.
No. No. I'd be no good shifting a great lump of a girl. Bill must go down the chimney.
OWL
The Lizard squeals in fear.
BILL No, not me! I hate chimneys. The soot will get into my moveable eyelids.
PELICAN Well keep them closed. Come on, up with him!
The Owl and the Dodo hoist the Lizard onto the ladder, and then pick both up and lean it against the house precariously holding the bottom of it up over their heads.
The Lizard reluctantly climbs up to the roof, his claws and scales making an awful botch of it, as the ladder waves about.
The head of the Cheshire Cat appears in the sky, level with the Lizard's head.
CHESHIRE CAT You know it takes a great deal of elevation of thought to produce a very little elevation of life. Not that lizards think that much ...By the way, whatever you do, Old man, you mustn't look down.
Immediately the Lizard looks down, loses its grip, and with a despairing yell, slides down the roof, and crashes onto another cucumber frame. Once again the White Rabbit regards the scene mournfully.
31
WHITE RABBlT At this rate I soon shan't have any cucumber frames left at all. What a silly lizzy you are to be sure. Up you go again!
The Pelican waddles up, and picking the Lizard up in his bill, flies up to the roof and drops him squealing with fear down the chimney.
16. INT. BEDROOM. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. In the bedroom we see Alice's foot up the chimney drawn back for a kick.
WE TRACK IN up the chimney to see her shoe connect with the Lizard's bottom.
17. EXT. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. The Lizard shoots out through the chimney, and through the air.
CHORUS OF ANIMALS Ooh! ... Aah! (as in a crowd watching fireworks)
He is finally caught by the Lory.
WHITE RABBIT Well caught, Lory! Give him some brandy. (Hastily) The cooking, not the V.S.O.P!
Two Guinea Pigs minister to the stricken Lizard, pouring brandy down his throat. They stop.
BILL What are you stopping for?
They continue.
32
WHITE RABBIT Now, what to do ... ?
MOUSE There's only one thing for it. We must burn the house down!
WHITE RABBIT Burn the house down! Are you quite mad?
MOUSE It's the only way. Smoke her out!
WHITE RABBIT That's all very well, but it's not your house!
MOUSE Well why don't you lease it to me for a little while? Or perhaps 1'11 just "burrow" it.
The Mouse titters at its appalling pun.
18. INT. BEDROOM. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. Alice in her cramped posture manages to bring her band in through the window to her mouth to cup a shout.
ALICE s
Any more of that talk, and I ' l l set Dinah on you! h A silence falls,
WHITE RABBIT (Voice Over) That barrowful will do to begin with.
33
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) A barrowful of what, I wonder?
A shower of little pebbles comes in at the window. Some hit her in the face. This is accompanied by giggles from below.
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) I ' l l soon put a stop to this,
ALICE (cont'd) (S ho u t i ng ) You'd better not do that again - unless you want a CATastrophe to happen.
A profound silence.
Through the window we see the Owl sitting on the roof.
OWL That's not much of a threat. Dinah's not here.
The Cheshire Cat appears on the branch of a tree next to it.
CHESHIRE CAT But I am, and I'm hungrier than Dinah, and much more disagreeable.
The Owl faints, as the Cat disappears.
In the bedroom the pebbles turn into little cakes.
ALICE If I eat one of these cakes it's sure to make some change in my size. Everything I ingest seems to do so, And as it can't possibly make me any larger, it must make me smaller.
33
From Alice's POV we see the Cheshrie Cat appear in the open window.
CHESHRIE CAT That is an a priori statement.
ALICE Oh fiddle faddle!
She eats one of the cakes, and immediately starts to shrink. As soon as she is small enough to get through the door, she does so.
19. INT. STAIRCASE. WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. Alice slides down the bannisters and shoots out of the house and through the front door into -
20. EXT. THE GARDEN OF THE WHITE RABBIT'S HOUSE. The crowd of animals all rush at her which is quite terrifying since she is so small. In their hurry to join in, the Owl and the Dodo overbalance and let fall the ladder which demolishes the remaining cucumber frames. The White Rabbit impotently shakes his clenched paw. She takes to her heels and is soon in a thick wood.
21. EXT. WOOD. Menacing trees threaten Alice at every step, A fearsome snarling is heard in the shrubbery. Alice hides herself just in time in a thicket, as a huge puppy dog twice'her size comes rushing out of the undergrowth and bowls her over.
She throws a stick for it, then runs in the other direction, giving the puppy dog the slip.
She runs blindly through thistles and bracken taller than herself, as the puppy snarls and slavers in her wake.
Finally she loses it, and fetches up against a giant mushroom,
35
ALICE (Thought Voice Over) I suppose I should look for something to eat to
restore my natural size. But what?
She peers over the rim of the mushroom, and finds herself staring into the eyes of a large blue caterpillar that is sitting on the top of the mushroom, smoking a long hookah.
ALICE I'm frightfully sorry to disturb you, Mr Caterpillar, but I need to regain my proper size.
The Caterpillar pays her no attention.
ALICE Do you think I might have a word with you, on the subject, sir.
The Caterpillar removes the mouthpiece of the hookah from its mouth, and blows smoke rings which form letters spelling out the word "WAIT".
The ears of the Cheshire Cat's head appear. paws.
It cups one of them, with its
CHESHIRE CAT I am all ears.
CATERPILLAR I wasn't talking to you.
CHESHIRE CAT But I'm family. You are amterpillar aren't you?
CATERPILLAR (Wincing at the pun) Vanish!
36
The Cheshire Cat's visible parts half disappear.
CATERPILLAR All of you! .... And no eavesdropping mind.
CHESHIRE CAT You'll never know though, will you?
The head slowly disappears; then the Caterpillar turns impatiently to Alice.
CATERPILLAR Now then, who are you?
ALICE I hardly know, sir, just at present.
CATERPILLAR What do you mean by that? Explain yourself.
ALICE I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, sir, because I'm not myself, you see.
CATERPILLAR I don't see. No.
ALICE I'm afraid 1 can't put it more clearly. I find being so many sizes in a day is very confusing.
CATERPILALR I don't see why.
ALICE Just you wait until the day you have to turn into a chrysallis, and then after that into a butterfly- I should think you'll find it a little queer, won't you?
37
CATERPILLAR Not a bit.
ALICE Well I do.
CATERPILLAR You! Who are you?
ALICE I think you ought to tell me who you are first.
CATERPILLAR Why?
Alice turns away impatiently.
CATERPILLAR Come back. I've something important to say.
ALICE What!?
CATERPILLAR Keep your temper.
ALICE How can I, when I can't even keep the right size? Is that all?
CATERPILLAR No.
Alice waits patiently while the Caterpillar smokes. The puffs of smoke conjure up the outline of the Cheshire Cat, Its eyes appear in the smoke fringed face glittering mischieviously.
38
ALICE And what's more I can't remember things as I used.
CATERPILLAR What things?
CHESHIRE CAT (Maliciously eyeing Alice) (Speaking sotto voice) I expect they'll be things like poems.
The Caterpillar blows a jet of smoke at the Cheshire Cat, dismissing it.
CATER PILLAR (Slyly) Would they be things like poems?
Yes. How clever of you1 ALICE
CATER PILLAR Well, let's see! Recite You are old Father Wiljiam.
Alice adopts a prim reciting pose.
ALICE "You are old Father William" the young man said "And your hair has become very white: And yet you incessantly stand on your head - Do you think, at your age, it is right?" "ln my youth" Father William replied to his son " 1 feared it might injure the brain; But now that I'm perfectly sure I have none, Why, I do it again and again."
"You are old" said the youth, "as I mentioned before, And have grown most uncommonly fat; Yet you turned a back-somersault in at the door Pray what is the reason for that?"
39
"In my youth" said the sage, as he shook his grey locks, " I kept all my limbs very supple By the use of this ointment - one shilling the box Allow me to sell you a couple?"
"You are old", said the youth "and your jaws are too weak For anything tougher than suet; Yet you finished the goose, with the bones and the beak Pray, how did you manage to do it?
"In my youth" said his father, "I took to the law, And argued each case with my wife; And the muscular strength it gave to my jaw Has lasted the rest of my life."
"You are old" said the youth, "one would hardly suppose That your eye was as steady as ever; Yet you balance an eel on the end of your nose What made you so awfully clever?"
" I have answered three questions, and that is enough" Said his father. "Don't give yourself airs!" Do you think I can listen all day to such stuff? Be off, or 1'11 kick you down stairs!
The four questions - Why he stands on his head, does back somersaults, eats a whole goose, and balances an eel on his nose, are of course all animated. The goose would seem to present the only real difficulty of amusing presentation, Perhaps the bones and beak could disappear one after the other in the manner of the Cheshire Cat.
Alice relinquishes her reciting pose, and relaxes.
ALICE There! I'm afraid some of the words may have got altered.
30
CATERPILLAR Some of the words! All of them! It's wrong from beginning to end. For instance it starts: "You are old father William" the young man cried, "The few locks which are left you are grey; You are hale, father William, a hearty old man; Now tell me the reason, I pray". Well go on - tell me.,.
ALICE I can't, I'm afraid. All I know is I'd like to be a bit larger. Three inches is such a wretched height to be.
CATERPILLAR (Huffily) It's a very good height indeed to be!
It rears up to its full height of three inches.
ALICE But I'm not used to it. Little girls are meant to be bigger than cate rpi I lars .
CATERPILLAR Who says so?
ALICE Oh everybody knows that.
CATERPILLAR What everybody knows isn't worth knowing, but you'll get used to it in time.
The Caterpillar walks to the edge of the mushroom and abseils down the stalk to the ground from where it peers up at Alice.
31
CATERPILLAR One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow smaller.
Alice looks her question.
CATERPILLAR (Impatiently) Of the mushroom of course! Alice contemplates the perfectly round mushroom in some perplexity, then stretches her arms in opposite directions and breaks off two piece of mushroom.
ALICE But which is which?
She nibbles a little of the right hand bit. Immediately her chin strikes her foot. She has collapsed to about two inches high.
She tries desperately to eat a piece of the left hand bit, but is hampered by the fact that her chin is pressed so closely against her foot that there is virtually no room to open her mouth.
She manages finally to compress a lump in to the corner of it.
Immediately she shoots up to a great height.
22. EXT. THE TREES. A downward looking shot from her P.O,V, reveals a long serpentine neck disappearing into a sea of green leaves.
ALICE Where have my shoulders got to - and my hands and feet?
She moves her head downwards, swaying it around sinuously. A pigeon flies suddenly, squawking hoarsely and violently flapping its wings, into her face. It continues to attack her throughout the following conversation, making sorties from its nest. .
42
PIGEON Serpent!
ALICE I'm not a serpent. Leave me alone.
PIGEON What are you then?
ALICE I'm a little girl.
The Pigeon looks at her quizically.
PIGEON A little girl! Just look at you. You're taller than the trees.
ALICE Only for a moment.
PIGEON And that neck - distinctiy serpentine. You serpents are nothing but trouble ,...You're a limb of Satan.
ALICE Serpents haven't got limbs.
PIGEON Nor have you. You can't fool me. I know who you are. As if it wasn't trouble enough hatching the eggs but I must be on the lookout for serpents night and day. Why, I haven't had a wink of sleep these three weeks,
ALICE I'm terribly sor ry....
33
PIGEON (Counting on its claws, and miming the movements) No you’re not! Serpents are never sorry. Sly, yes. Coiling and circuitous, yes, yes. Sinuous, sigmoidal, and scaly, yes, yes, yes. Tortuous, tricky, treacherous, and tergiversatious, yes, yes, yes, yes. But never (a hiss) se., s... s... sorry!
PIGEON Well be off then, and leave me to watch out for proper serpents.
It settles into its nest, as Alice takes alternate bites of the mushroom, ascending and descending between the trees, her neck getting nearly inextricably stuck in the branches until she reaches her proper height.
43
The Pigeon sighs in contentment at its restored peace. The head of the Cheshire Cat appears on the branch by its nest, eyes glittering evilly.
CHESHIRE CAT Serpents are not all I should watch out for, if I were you.
The Pigeon flies furiously at the cat which disappears chuckling.
23. EXT. PATH LEADING THROUGH A WOOD TO THE DUCHESS'S HOUSE.
On the ground, Alice pauses uncertain of her next move. She hears a shattering, prolonged sneeze, and turns in its direction.
As she is about to emerge from the wood, and approach the front door of a house about four feet high, which is rocking to the sound of cataclysmic sneezes, interspersed with crockery crashes, a fish footman in livery and powdered wig, comes running out of the wood, carrying an envelope nearly as large as itself, and raps on the door.
It is opened by another footman also in livery and powdered wig, but with the round face and large eyes of a frog.
The fish footman hands over the envelope.
FISH FOOTMAN For the Duchess. An invitation from the Queen to play croquet.
FROG FOOTMAN From the Queen. An invitation for the Duchess to play croquet.
They both bow low, and their curls get entangled together.
Alice, shaking with laughter runs up to release them, But first she has to eat a piece of mushroom which reduces her size to about nine inches.
FISH FOOTMAN I am beholden to you, Miss. I take my leave.
FROG FOOTMAN He takes his leave. I remain. He is obliged to you. I also.
The Fish Footman lifts his cocked hat, and sweeps Alice a bow. He then retreats bowing.
The Frog Footman sits on the ground, and stares at the sky. Alice knocks timidly on the door, making but little impression on the infernal racket coming from inside the house.
FROG FOOTMAN There's no sort of use in knocking - and that for two reasons, Firstly because I am on the same side of the door as you are, thus making it impossible for me to admit you. And secondly there's such a discordance in there, no one could possibly hear you.
ALICE A discordance?
FROG FOOTMAN A dissonance or disharmony. A catawauling or....
A soup tureen comes flying out of a window of the house, and bounces off the footman's head. He takes absolutely no notice, and continues imperturbably.
FROG FOOTMAN .... or cacophony.
ALICE Please then, how am I to get in?
FROG FOOTMAN The question is are you to get in at all? I shall sit here on and off for days and days now and wait and see.
36
ALICE But what am'! to do?
FROG FOOTMAN Anything you like.
ALICE (To herself) Oh there's no use talking to him, He's perfectly idiotic!
And she opens the door, and enters the house.
24. INT. DUCHESS'S KITCHEN.
The door leads right into a large kitchen full of swirling smoke. The Duchess sits on a three legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby. On her right the cook is standing over the range stirring a large cauldron of soup. A pepperpot is in her left hand, and she shakes it relentlessly into the soup, and indeed over everything else including the Cheshire Cat which sits grinning at her feet. The baby sneezes and howls alternately without pause.
CHESHIRE CAT (To the Cook) Don't spare the pepper, cookie!
ALICE (Sneezing) There's far too much in that soup already.
CHESHIRE CAT Nonsense! Spare the pepper and spoil the broth, that's what I say.
It grins wickedly.
ALICE I don't know that cats know all that much about cooking.
DUCHESS This one does. It's very good on condiments. It invented catsup, and catmint sauce, and ....
ALICE Buy why does it grin like that?
DUCHESS It's a Cheshire Cat, that's why.
She peers closely at the baby, and shakes it violently.
DUCHESS (Cont'd) Pig!
ALICE I didn't know cats could grin.
DUCHESS They all can, and most of them do.
ALICE My cat Dinah doesn't. In fact I don't know of any that do,
DUCHESS You don't know much, and that's a fact, (To the Cook) And nor do you.
The cook throws everything in reach at the Duchess and baby - fireirons, saucepans, plates and bowls. One large frying pan nearly hits the baby's face.
ALICE Oh please mind what you're doing. That nearly took his nose Off.
48
DUCHESS If everybody minded their own business the world would go round a deal faster than it does.
ALICE Which would not be an advantage. Just think what it would do to the day and night. You see the earth takes twenty fou to turn round on its axis ....
DUCHESS Talking of axes, chop off her head!
The cook throws a chopper at Alice, but misses.
ALICE Sorry. It might of course be twelve.
DUCHESS Don't bother me. I never could abide figures.
The Duchess starts to toss the baby up in the air, shaking it violently at the end of each line.
DUCHESS (CO nt 'd) Speak roughly to your little boy And beat him when he sneezes; He only does it to annoy Because he knows it teases.
COOK AND BABY wow, wow, wow!
DUCHESS I speak severely to my boy and beat him when he sneezes;
49
DUCHESS (CO n t'd) For he can thoroughly enjoy The pepper when he pleases.
ALICE Shouldn't that be: "Speak gently to the little child, It's love be sure to gain. Teach it in accents soft and mild; It may not long remain."
DUCHESS Then you nurse it for a bit! I must go and get ready to play croquet with the Queen ... (With a harsh laugh) And mind you speak gently to it!
She flings the baby at Alice before leaving the room. The cook hurls the cauldron of soup after her, the dripping contents wiping the scene, as Alice runs from the inferno, carrying the baby in her arms.
25. PATH OUTSIDE DUCHESS'S HOUSE.
Alice walks down the path carrying the baby.
ALICE (To herself) If I don't take this baby away they're sure to kill it in a day or two. Now lie still! ... H'm I suppose 1'11 have to knot you up a bit. I hope I don't do a granny when I mean to do a reef.
She twists it up into a knot, keeping a tight hold on its right ear and left foot, The baby grunts.
ALICE
CTO Baby) Don't grunt - that's not at all a proper way of expressing yourseIf,.,unless of course you're a p....
50
She looks closely at the baby which turns unmistakeably into a pig.
ALICE Now if you're going to turn into a pig, my dear, I ' l l have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!
She sets it down.
ALICE Now that you have trotters you can walk perfectly well for you rse If.
With a copious array of oinks, squeals and grunts it rolls on its back waiting for Alice to tickle its tummy.
ALlCE No. I shan't tickle your tummy. Begone!
Reluctantly the pig ambles away into the woods.
ALICE If it had grown up, it would have made a dreadfully ugly child: but it makes rather a handsome pig. I think if only more of one's acquaintances were to make the decision to transform into porkers, instead of being stuck half way ....
Her eyes fall on the Cheshire C on the branch of a tree. 3.c'
ALICE Cheshire puss, would you tell me please which way I ought to go from here.
CHESHIRE CAT That depends a good deal on where you want to get to.
ALICE I don't much care where.
51
CHESHIRE CAT Then it doesn't matter which way you go.
ALICE So long as S get somewhere.
CHESHIRE CAT Oh you're sure to do that if you only walk long enough.
ALICE I suppose so. But what sort of people live about here?
CHESHIRE CAT In that direction (he points to the right) lives a Hatter; and in that direction (he points to the left) lives a March Hare. Take your pick: they're both mad!
ALICE But I don't want to go among mad people.
CHESHIRE CAT You can't help that. We're all mad here.
ALICE How do you know I'm mad?
CHESHIRE CAT You must be or you wouldn't have come here.
ALICE And you? How do you know you're mad?
CHESHIRE CAT To begin with, a dog's not mad you grant that?
ALICE 1 suppose so.
52
CHESHIRE CAT Well then, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when its pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Ergo I must be mad.
ALICE I think that's silly.
CHESHIRE CAT Just because you don't know what ergo means.
ALICE Yes I do. It means therefore. And what's more I call it purring, not growling.
CHESHIRE CAT Call it what you like! Are you playing croquet with the Queen today?
ALICE I haven't been invited.
CHESHIRE CAT You're lucky. You might lose your head.
ALICE Why on earth should I?
CHESHIRE CAT Oh everybody does.
Its head vanishes, then re-appears.
CHESHRIE CAT See what I mean?
It then immediately starts to vanish from head to tail.
53
CHESHIRE CAT (CO n t'd) By the bye, what happened to the bye-bye?
Alice looks puzzled. The cat makes rocking movements with its paws.
ALICE Oh the baby! It turned into a pig.
CHESHIRE CAT I thought it would ... Did you say pig or fig?
ALICE I said pig.
CHESIRE CAT Good, A fig wouldn't have done at all, now would it?
ALICE Wouldn't it?
CHESHIRE CAT Of course not. It would become absolutely value!ess. I mean one doesn't care a fig for something ... if you see what I mean.
ALICE What about a pig in a poke?
CHESHIRE CAT Fiddle fadclle,
Only the grin now remains.
ALICE I wish you would stop appearing and vanishing ail the time, You make me quite giddy.
54
CHESHIRE CAT Oh very well. It's just that I like to think I'm laterally mobile.
The grin fades out. Alice after a period of indecision, makes up her mind, turns to her left and walks round a bend until she comes to:
26. EXT. THE MARCH HARE'S HOUSE AND FRONT GARDEN
The chimneys are shaped like ears, and the roof is thatched with fur. Alice nibbles a bit of the left hand mushroom, and she grows to about two feet. Timidly she enters the garden, and approaches the house. From behind it she hears two male voices singing.
HATTER AND HARE (Singing Voice Over) Twinkle twinkle little bat How I wonder what you're at Up above the world you fly Like a tea tray in the sky Twinkle twinkle.,.
DORMOUSE (Singing sleepily Voice Over) Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle ...
ALICE (To herself) How very peculiar, Surely it's: Twinkle twinkle little star How I wonder what you are Up above the world so high Like a diamond in the sky!
She walks round the side of the house into:
55
27. THE BACK GARDEN OF THE MARCH HARE'S HOUSE.
A long table with scores of places set for tea stretches away from us. At the far end crowded together sit the March Hare and the Hatter, and between them supporting their elbows sits a Dormouse apparently asleep.
HATTER AND HARE No room! No room!
ALICE There's plenty of room. Don't be silly.
And she sits herself down in a determined manner in an armchair near them.
MARCH HARE Have some wine.
ALICE I don't see any wine.
MARCH HARE There isn't any,
ALICE Then it wasn't very civil of you to offer it.
MARCH HARE It wasn't very civil of you to sit down without being invited.
ALICE I didn't know it was your exclusive table. It's set for a great many more than three.
MARCH HARE So's my alarm clock.
56
HAlTER Your hair needs cutting.
ALICE It's very rude to make personal remarks
HATTER Why is a raven like a writing desk?
An image of a writing desk forms in the air. Out of it flies a raven.
ALICE I believe I can guess that.
MARCH HARE Do you mean that you think you can find out the answer to it?
ALICE Exactly so.
MARCH HARE Then you should say what you mean.
ALICE I do. At least I mean what I say - and that's the same thing, you know.
HAITER It's not the same thing at all, Why, you might just as well say that I see what I eat Is the same as I eat what 1 see.
MARCH HARE You might just as well say that I like what I get is the same thing as I get what I like.
57
DORMOUSE (Sleepily) YOU might just as well say that I breathe when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I breathe.
HATTER It is the same thing with you.
..L--.
And he gives the Dormouse a pinch,
DORMOUSE You might just as well say I'm pinched when I sleep is the same thing as I sleep when I'm pinched.
The Hatter takes out his watch, and consults it.
HATTER (To Alice) By the bye what day of the month is it?
ALICE The fourth.
HATER (Angrily to March Hare) Two days wrong. I told you butter wouldn't suit the works.
MARCH HARE It was the best butter.
HATTER Yes, but some crumbs must have got in as well. You shouldn't have put it in with the bread knife.
The March Hare takes the watch and dips it into his tea.
58
HATTER The Dormouse is asleep again.
The March Hare drops the watch on the Dormouse's nose.
He awakes with a start.
DORMOUSE Of course, of course: just what I was going to remark myself.
HAlTER (To Alice) Have you guessed the riddle yet?
ALICE I thought it might be because it slopes with a flap.
The Dormouse starts giggling and clapping its paws.
DORMOUSE Very good. Very good.
HA7TER (Annoyed) Shut up! It's no good at all!
And he pours tea on the Dormouse's head to dampen its enthusiasm.
ALICE (Crossly) Well what's the answer, then?
HAlTER I haven't the slightest idea..
MARCH HARE Nor I .
59
ALICE (Irritated) I think you might do something better with the time than wasting it asking riddles that have no answers.
HATTER If you knew Time as well as I do, you wouldn't talk about wasting it. It's Him.
ALICE (Exasperated) I don't know what you can possibly mean.
HATTER Of course you don't, I dare say you've never even spoken to Time.
ALICE Perhaps not, but I know 1 have to beat time when I learn music.
HATTER Ah! That accounts for it. He won't stand beating. Nor keeping for that matter. I tried to keep Time once but he couldn't endure it. And nor could the Queen at whose concert I was singing. He wanted to be off and running. Ever since then he won't do a thing I ask. It's always five o'clock now.
ALICE Is that the reason so many tea things are put out here?
HATTER Yes, that's it. It's always tea time, and we've no time to wash the things between whiles.
ALICE Then you must keep moving round I suppose?
60
HAlTER Exactly so - as the things get used up.
ALICE But what happens when you come round to the beginning again?
MARCH HARE Suppose we change the subject. I'm getting tired of this.
HAlTER I'm not. I think we whould move on directly. (Glaring at Alice) Someone has upset the milk jug into my plate.
ALICE I don't know why you're looking at me. I was nowhere near your,. . .
The Hatter rises abruptly and moves up a place. He pulls the sleeping Dormouse after him into his vacated place. The March Hare moves into the Dormouse's place. The Dormouse's head now rests in the milk in the Hatter's old plate.
DORMOUSE I think we should move again.
And he crawls off dripping to the next seat down the table past the Hatter. This necesitates the Hatter and March Hare also moving a place each.
MARCH HARE (To Alice) Come on, You've got to join in, you know.
Alice rises from her armchair, and sits next to the Dormouse.
MARCH HARE Not that side, Next to me.
62
Alice now gets the plate of milk.
ALICE That's not fair!
As soon as she is seated the March Hare moves next to the Dormouse.
HATTER It was my idea in the first place.
And he moves again. A sort of Paul Jones now starts with the participants changing places with bewildering speed.
HATTER Stop! ... I vote the young lady tells us a story.
ALICE I'm afraid I don't know one.
HAlTER AND MARCH HARE Then the Dormouse shall. Wake up, Dormouse!
They pinch it on both sides at once.
DORMOUSE I wasn't asleep. I heard every word you fellows were saying.
MARCH HARE Then what were we saying?
DORMOUSE Something about the young lady telling us a story.
HATTER No, no, no. It's to be you! And be quick about it, or you'll be asleep again before it's done,
62
DORMOUSE Once upon a time there were three little sisters and their names were Elsie, Lacie, and Tillie, and they lived at the bottom of a well.
28. INT. TREACLE WELL.
Three little girls stand at the bottom of a huge, sinister, cavernous, funnel dripping with molasses. They are spooning treacle off the walls and eating it.
ALICE (Voice Over) What did they live on?
DORMOUSE (V.O.) They lived on treacle.
ALICE (V.O.) They couldn't have done that, you know, They'd have been ill.
DORMOUSE (V.O.) So they were. Very ill.
The little girls roll about moaning and clutching their stomachs.
ALICE (V,O.) And why did they live down there?
MARCH HARE (V.0,) Take some more tea.
ALICE (V.0.) I've had nothing yet, so I can't take more.
HAlTER (V.O.) You mean you can't take less. It's very easy to take more than nothing.
63
ALICE (V.O.) Nobody asked your opinion .... But I really want to know, so please tell me. Why did they live at the bottom of a well?
DORMOUSE (V.O.) It was a treacle well.
ALICE (V.0.) There's no such thing.
The well and its occupants vanish, to be replaced by:
29. THE GARDEN OF THE MARCH HARE
Alice, the Hatter, the Dormouse, and the March Hare are sitting at the table. The Dormouse wears a very wintry expression.
DORMOUSE If you can't be civil, you'd better finish the story for yourself.
ALICE (Humbly) No please go on. I won't interrupt you again. 1 dare say there may be one.
DORMOUSE (Indignantly) One indeed!
And he draws himself up and turns his back on Alice.
ALICE Please,. . .
DORMOUSE Oh, very well..,And so these three little sisters - they were learning to draw, you know.
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ALICE What did they draw?
DORMOUSE I thought you weren't going to interrupt,
Alice looks suitably abashed,
DORMOUSE They were learning to draw treacle,
30. INT. TREACLE WELL.
The three little girls are now using a bucket on the end of a rope with a great number of complicated ratchets attached to it to draw up treacle from the bottom of the well.
ALICE (VO) But I don't understand, Where did they draw the treacle from?
HATER (VO) You can draw water from a water well, so I should think you could draw treacle from a treacle well.
ALICE the well, (VO) But they were
DORMOUSE (VO) Of course they were. Well in! ....
CUT BACK TO:
65
Alice, the Hatter, the March Hare and the Dormouse are as before at the table.
DORMOUSE (Cont'd) ... They were learning to draw, and they drew all manner of things - everything that begins with an M.
ALICE Why with an M?
MARCH HARE Why not?
DORMOUSE Such as mousetraps, and the moon, and mugwumps, and muezzin, and muffler, and muffin, and moustache, and morris dancing, and morse, and martello, and monster, and monsoon, and montenegro, and moorish, and mongoose, and minotaur, and miscellaneousland miser, and minuet, and millepede, and miminy-piminy, and millpond and minim, and mermaid, and merlin, and merovingian, and metamorphosis, and melancholia, and megaphone, and meerschaum, and maze, and mayoress, and maundy money, and marzipan, and marquee, and mandarin and major domo, and macaroni, and mussulman, and mumbo-jumbo, and mulligatawnay and mummy, and much of a muchness.
These, of course, are au choix at the animator's discretion, but hopefully they are reasonably Carrollian. Most of the images could be introduced into the many empty places on the table, ending up with multiple replicas on the words "much of a muchness".
66
ALICE I don't think I ever saw such a thing as a drawing of a muchness. Wouldn't March Hare be better?
MARCH HARE Now who's making personal remarks.
And it turns its back on her.
ALICE Oh you're all impossible!
She gets up and walks off. We go with her, looking back once to see the Hatter and the March Hare trying to put the comatose Dormouse into the teapot,
ALICE At any rate 1'11 never go there again. It was the stupidest tea party I was ever at in all my life!
Alice walking determinedly through the woods, sees a tree with a door in it and enters. She finds herself in:
33. THE HALL WITH THE GLASS TABLE.
ALICE Now, 1'11 manage better this time.
She takes the golden key and unlocks the little door leading to the garden. She then nibbles the mushroom until she is about a foot high and then she runs down:
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34. THE PASSAGE LEADING TO THE GARDEN.
From whence she bursts into:
35. THE GARDEN.
Here she stands lost in ecstasy at all the glorious flowers, and swooping songbirds, and cool splashing fountains. She has reached her nirvana. At last!
A large rose tree stands near the entrance, covered in white roses. Three "playing card'' gardeners are busy painting them red. They are the 7 , 5, and 2 of Spades.
ALICE Would you tell me, please, why you are painting those roses?
TWO (Cockney) Well the fact is yer see, Miss, this 'ere ought ter a bin a red rose tree, and we gorn and put a white one in by mistake, didn't we? Actually it were 5's fault reely ...
FIVE (A high pitched whine) No it weren't. 1 distinctly told that stupid 7 to get a red one, but 'e never listens. Old cloth ears I calls him .....
SEVEN (Lugubrious Voice) Nah that ain't fair, Miss. I knows the difference between red and white, And what's more, if we don't finish this 'ere job in an 'urty before the Queen comes, we'll all 'ave our 'eads cut orf.
And he starts to paint the flowers like mad, followed by the others.
Their movements - exchanging places could be like a shuffled pack, or they could stand on each other's shoulders resembling a game of patience, or the Barnum and Bailey Human Pyramid, teetering and staggering about,
68
Five, who is on top sees the Queen's procession approaching, across the garden.
FIVE The Queen! The Queen!
And like tumblers, they throw themselves flat on the ground like a collapsible ladder.
We hear the martial music, and rythmic tramp of many feet, and Alice turns to view the procession.
First come Ten Club "playing card" soldiers marching two and two, and playing trumpets and other brass instruments. Next come Ten Diamond "playing card" courtiers also marching two and two. After them come the royal children decorated with hearts and jumping along out of time with the music. Next come the guests: Kings and Queens, the White Rabbit, still nervously consulting its watch, the March Hare and the Hatter swinging the sleeping Dormouse between them, the Duchess the pig/baby and the cook who hurls pepper at the crowd from her pepper pot as she marches, the caterpillar still smoking its hookah and forming musical notes in the air with the smoke, the Dodo, the Lizard, the Owl, the Pelican, the Lory, the Monkey, the Mouse, the Magpie, and the Crab Mother and Daughter. Lastly amongst the guests creeps the Cheshire Cat appearing and disappearing in time to the music. And behind it is the Executioner, a single club card, masked and carrying an axe. At the very rear of the procession come the Knave of Hearts carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet cushion, and finally, the King and Queen of Hearts,
ALICE (To herself, looking at the 3 gardeners) Perhaps I too should lie down on my face, but what would be the use of a procession if people had all to lie down on their faces so that they couldn't see it,
When the Queen is abreast of Alice she stops and stamps her foot,
69
QUEEN Stop!
The procession stops and she peers closely at Alice.
QUEEN (To Knave of Hearts) Who is this?
KNAVE A young female party, mama.
QUEEN idiot! (To Alice) What's your name, child?
ALICE My name is Alice so it pleases your majesty. (Thought Voice) Why they're only a pack of cards after all. I needn't be afraid of them.
The Queen stares now at the prostrate gardeners,
QUEEN And who are these?
ALICE (Brusquely) How should I know? It's no business of mine.
The Queen turns bright purple.
QUEEN Of all the impertinence. Off with her head!
ALICE Stuff and nonsense!
70
QUEEN What! What! What!
ALICE I said stuff and nonsense!
The Queen turns angrily away to face the gardeners.
QUEEN (To Knave) Turn them over!
The Knave turns them over with his foot.
QUEEN (With a shriek) Get up!
The three gardeners jump up and instantly start bowing to the whole royal family in a frenzy of grovelling.
QUEEN (A Scream) Leave off that! You make me giddy.
She sees the partly painted rose tree.
QUEEN What have you been doing here!?
Two goes down on one knee. TWO
(Gradiosely) May it please your Majesty, we was tryin to produce a new shade of rose. Not the vulgarity of the deep, ruddy red, nor the blanched, faint 'earted weediness of the white, but, as yer might put it,a subtle, refined, baby blush - er what shall I say ....
QUEEN Pink! I hate pink! It's neither one thing nor the other. Off with their heads!!
71
The procession moves on, the Executioner remaining behind to execute the gardeners. They run to Alice for protection.
ALICE You shan't be beheaded. It's too silly, just for painting roses.
She quickly pushes them up her sleeve. The Executioner looks about him, but cannot find them.
EXECUTIONER It's my opinion as wot yer can't h'execute people as wot ain't 'ere, nah, can yer?
And he runs off after the others.
Alice shakes her sleeve, and the three cards slide, one by one, down the inside of her arm into her hand, like an experienced card sharp. She sets them on the ground again, and runs off after the procession.
As the Executioner catches up with the procession, the Queen addresses him loudly.
QUEEN Well, are their heads off?
EXECUTIONER Their heads are gone, your Majesty.
QUEEN Good, (Shouting to Alice) Can you play croquet?
ALICE (Shouting back) Yes.
QUEEN Come on, then. Let's see if you're any good.
The band strikes up, and Alice joins the procession, and it marches off into the distance with Alice trying and failing to get in step.
72
36. THE CROQUET GROUND
The croquet ground is a strange rhomboid of ridges and furrows. The playing card soldiers are bent over to form the hoops by standing on their hands and feet.
The Queen steps forward watched by the members of the procession, grouped round the ground, all now armed with flamingos for mallets and hedgehogs for balls.
The Queen whacks her hedgehog with the head of her flamingo, and it goes through half a dozen hoops, the soldiers moving accomodatingly to put themselves into the path of the wildly zigzagging hedgehog, some flipping over backwards to achieve their purpose.
Then all the players join in thumping their hedgehogs in every direction, which manoeuverings shortly make even less sense, as the soldier hoops straighten up, and wander away to form a closely knit alley for the Queen to knock her hedgehog through. After which she runs round the ground screaming at everyone.
QUEEN Off with his head! .... Off with her head!
Alice has difficulty even starting, since having tucked her flamingo's body under her arm, and got its neck straightened out to give her hedgehog a blow with its head, it twists itself round, and looks up into her face with a greatly puzzled expression which makes her burst out laughing.
She at last unravels the creature's neck, and is about to swing at her hedgehog, when it unrolls itself and crawls away.
ALICE (To Hedgehog) Come back! I haven't hit you yet.
FLAMINGO I much prefer it this way. The prickles don't get in my head.
73
HEDGEHOG And so do I. I'm the one who's going to be hit.
The Queen rushes by, stopping briefly to shout at Alice.
QUEEN Alice! You haven't even started yet!
ALICE I'm sorry, your Majesty, my croquet ball keeps crawling away.
QUEEN Off with its head. Use him instead.
And she seizes the White Rabbit who is standing nearby, and rolls him up into a ball, and puts him down for Alice to hit.
Alice draws back her flamingo to strike,
WHITE RABBIT I wouldn't do that if I were you, Mary Ann.
ALICE I'm not Mary Ann, you stupid creature. I'm Alice.
And she whacks the White Rabbit out of sight with her flamingo. The Queen rushes after it shouting left and right "Off with his head!" "Off with her head!''
ALICE (To herself) They're so dreadfully fond of beheading people here: the great wonder is there is anyone left alive! I'd have thought they'd all have disappeared by now.
The grinning mouth of the Cheshire Cat appears in the sky.
CHESHIRE CAT Yes, but they re-appear again, as you see,my dear. How are you enjoying the croquet?
73
The rest of the cat's head appears.
ALICE Not very much. They don't seem to have any rules - and you've no idea how confusing it is, all the things - mallets, balls and hoops, being alive. For instance there's the hoop I've got to go through, walking about at the other end of the ground, arm in arm with my new ball,*..
We see a soldier-card and the White Rabbit promenading in animated conversation far away across the croquet ground. Alice vexatiously sets her flamingo down on the ground. It stalks away and tries unsuccessfully to fly up into a tree.
ALICE And now I haven't even got a mallet.
CHESHIRE CAT (Maliciously Sotto Voce) Don't let it upset you. It's all designed so that the Queen can win it. Her ball doesn't run away you notice, nor her mallet, nor for that matter her hoops. On the contrary they bend over backwards to accomodate her.
And it laughs nastily.
ALEE Well, I think it very unfair.
The King strolls by, and stares curiously up at the Cheshire Cat.
KING Who are you talking to?
ALICE It's a Cheshire Cat, your Majesty. Or at least part of it. May I present what's here?
75
KING I don't like the look of it at all, don't ye know. However, it may kiss my hand.
CHESHIRE CAT I'd rather not. We're not great hand kissers, we Cheshire Cats.
KING Don't be impertinent; you disrespectful Cheshire chappie!
ALICE A cat may look at a king. I've read that in some book, but I don't remember where.
J S'G-Q-Jk -Y*
KING (Flustered) Be that as it may, that cat must be removed, (To the Queen) don't you agree, my dear?
QUEEN No question of it. Off with his head!
The King spies the Executioner nearby.
KlNG Here you, Executioner chappie, come here. I wish you to chop off that impertinent pussy's noddle, d'ye hear me?
EXECUTIONER It's my h'opinion as wot yer can't cut orf a lead unless there is a body to cut it orf orf, H'ive never been arsked to do nothink like it afore, and I aint goin to begin at my time of life.
76
KING Look here, don't talk nonsense, Anything that has a head can be beheaded. It stands to reason, Executioner chappie.
QUEEN Never mind reason. If something isn't done about it in less than no time, I ' l l have everybody executed all round. That's what they call a general head of agreement, I believe. (She laughs briefly) ... Now, who owns the beastly thing?
CHESHIRE CAT (With great arrogance) No one owns me. I'm the Cheshire Cat that walks by itself.
QUEEN You'll be walking with your head tucked underneath your paw, if you're not very careful. Send for the Duchess.
The Executioner nips off to find the Duchess in the throng who are still hitting hedgehogs in all directions, and getting their flamingo's necks inextricably caught up with others.
EXECUTIONER Duchess!..,Duchessl The Queen wants yer pronto!
He finds the Duchess addressing a hedgehog with a flamingo. It uncurls as she is about to strike. The Cook peppers its nose. It sneezes violently, and hastily recoils into itself, She smites it lustily.
EXECUTION ER Didn't cha hear me? The Queen wants yer pronto.
DUCHESS Wants-yer-pronto, What can that mean? You must learn to punctuate, dear boy.
77
EXECUTIONER (Slowly spelling it out) I said the Queen wants yer pronto. That is ter say h'instantaneous-like.
DUCHESS Oh I see. Well the moral of that is Punctuation is the thief of time.
And she follows the Executioner at a trot towards the Queen.
EXECUTIONER Well yer finally got the sense of what I were sayin, Duchess.
DUCHESS Tis so. And the moral of that is Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care of themselves.
They reach the Queen, and the Duchess executes a flamboyant curtsey.
DUCHESS A fine day, your Majesty!
QUEEN A fine day for beheading, Duchess!
DUCHESS (Pursing up her mouth placatingly) Oh not that fine surely!
QUEEN Now I'm giving you fair warning - either that cat's head or yours must be off - and that in about half no time.
CHESHIRE CAT If I was your Majesty I'd take the Duchess's head off for her, rather than mine. 1 can take my own head off for myself.
And the head disappears.
QUEEN (To Duchess) What a clever puss! I think I ' l l take his advice. In the meantime you'd better take yourself off.
The Duchess hastily retreats, curtseying backwards until she's out of sight.
QUEEN (To Alice) And you! You're obviously useless at croquet, so you'd better do something else. Have you seen the Mock Turtle yet?
ALICE No, your Majesty. I don't even know what a Mock Turtle is.
QUEEN It's what Mock Turtle soup is made from,
Alice looks her question.
QUEEN (Cont'd) When they don't want to use real turtles, they use mock ones.
ALICE If I was any sort of turtle I don't think I'd like to be made soup of particularly.
QUEEN Why not? We all love it. It's only selfish not to want to be loved, isn't it?
ALICE I suppose so. But as I say, as far as Mock Turtles are concerned, I never saw one, nor heard of one.
QUEEN Come on then, and he shall tell you his story.
79
The Queen leads the way from the croquet ground,
37. SANDUNES
Alice and the Queen round a large sand dune, and come across the Gryphon, a fabulous monster with the head and wings of an eagle, and the lower body of a lion. The Queen ith her heart shaped sceptre.
QUEEN Get up, you lazy gryphon, and take this young lady to see the Mock Turtle, and to hear his history.
The Gryphon slowly unfolds with a gargantuan yawn and rubs its eyes with its monstrous talons. It then flaps its wings in a giant stretch, and lumbers to its feet, before sweeping the Queen a courtly bow.
GRYPHON (Irish accent) The top of the day to your Majesty.
QUEEN Top? That reminds me I must go back and see after some executions i have ordered.
ALICE Wouldn't it be nicer to let them all off?
QUEEN Let them all off!? That wouldn't do at all! And there's another thing. I have to see to some tarts I baked earlier, and left to cool. If I'm not very careful that rascally knave will have stolen off with them.
And she bustles away, watched by the chortling Gryphon.
ALICE What are you laughing at?
80
GRYPHON At herself to be sure. It's all her fancy that: they never execute nobody you know. Come on, if ye must.
And it lumbers off, followed by Alice, in the direction of some shattering sobs, and sighs.
38. THE SEA SHORE
The source of these sobs is the Mock Turtle standing on a ledge of rock, his back to the sea. They walk towards it.
ALICE What is his sorrow?
GRYPHON It's all his fancy that too: he hasn't got no sorrow at all at all!
Slowly the Mock Turtle turns its tear stained face towards them.
GRYPHON This here young lady she wants for to know your history, so she does.
MOCK TURTLE Very wise of her, so 1'11 tell it. Sit down both of you, and don't speak a word till I've finished.
MOCK TURTLE Once I was a real turtle.
He starts to cry piteously again.
ALICE Please go on.
81
MOCK TURTLE. When we were little we went to school in the sea. The master was an old Turtle - we used to call him Tortoise.
ALICE Why did you call him Tortoise if he wasn't one.?
MOCK TURTLE We called him Tortoise because he taught us! Really you are very dull!
GRYPHON You ought to be ashamed of yourself for asking such a simple question, so you should. (To Mock Turtle) Drive on boyo. Don't be all day about it now.
MOCK TURTLE We learnt Reeling and Writhing to begin with and then the different branches of ArithmeticrAmbition, Distraction , Ug I if ication and Derision
6"
ALICE I didn't know those were different branches of Arithmetic.
MOCK TURTLE Then you are a simpleton.
ALICE I'm sorry, I must be. What else had you to learn?
MOCK TURTLE Well there was Mystery ancient and modern, with Seaography: then Drawling - the Drawling master was an old conger eel that used to come once a week. He used to teach us Drawling, Stretching, and Fainting in Coils.
82
ALICE What was that like?
The Mock Turtle does a clumsy faint.
MOCK TURTLE I can't really do it properly now. I'm too stiff. And the Gryphon never learnt it.
GRYPHON I hadn't the time. I went to the Classical master though. We was an old crab he was to be sure.
MOCK TURTLE He taught Laughing and Grief, they used to say.
GRYPHON So he did, begorrah. So he did!
And he yawns again mightily.
ALICE How many hours a day did you do lessons?
MOCK TURTLE Ten hours the first day. Nine the next and so on.
ALICE What a curious plan.
MOCK TURTLE That's the reason they're called lessons. Because they lessen from day to day.
ALICE Then the eleventh day must have been a holiday,
83
MOCK TURTLE Of course it was, dunce!
ALICE And how did you manage on the twelfth?
GRYPHON That's enough about lessons. Tell her something about the games now.
The Mock Turtle breaks into a storm of weeping and hides its eyes behind a flipper. The Gryphon shakes him vigorously, and punches him on the back.
GRYPHON Come on now, me old feller, It can't be that bad. To be sure it's only a case of the lamentations.
The Mock Turtle pulls itself together with a final gigantic sigh.
MOCK TURTLE (To Alice) You may not have lived much under the sea. ...
ALICE 1 haven't at all.
MOCK TURTLE And perhaps you were never even introduced to a lobster.
ALICE I once tasted .....( Hurriedly) No never!
MOCK TURTLE So you can have no idea what a delightful thing a Lobster Quadrille is.
ALICE Is it a dance, then?
84
During the next exchange the Mock Turtle and the Gryphon circle Alice, getting more and more animated, and finally capering about in a frenzy.
GRYPHON Of course it is, eejit. You first form into a line along the sea shore.. .
MOCK TURTLE Two lines! Seals, turtles, salmon and so on. Then you advance twice.. . .
GRYPHON Each with a lobster as a partner.
MOCK TURTLE Of course. Advance twice, set to partners ...
GRYPHON ... Change lobsters and retire in same order.
MOCK TURTLE ... Then you know, you throw the ....
GRYPHON .. .Lobsters.. .
MOCK TURTLE As far out to sea as you.. .
GRYPHON ... Can - swim after them ...
MOCK TURTLE ... Turn a somersault in the sea...
GRYPHON Change Lobsters again ...
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MOCK TURTLE ... Back to land again - and that's all the first figure.
They sink down momentarily exhausted.
ALICE It must be a very pretty dance.
MOCK TURTLE Would you like to see a little of it?
GRYPHON Oh you sing. I've forgotten the words.
They begin to move solemnly round Alice, waving their forepaws to mark the time. The Music we hear is Le Pantalon the traditional music for the Quad ri I I e.
MOCK TURTLE (Sing i ng ) Will you walk a little faster said a whiting to a snail. There's a porpoise close behind us, and he's treading on my tail. See how eagerly the lobsters and the turtles all advance! They are waiting on the shingle - will you come and join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
86
At the end of the first stanza, out of the sea come seals, turtles, salmon, whiting, snails and lobsters. The music of Le Pantalon swells, and the Qudrille proper begins with the Mock Turtle and Gryphon throwing the Lobsters out to sea, following them, turning somersaults, and returning to the shore to pick up the dance. This is intercut with shots illustrating the song - the reluctant, cringing snail, and the importuning whiting trying to drag it into the dance.
MOCK TURTLE (Sing i ng ) You can really have no notion how delightful it will be When they take us up and throw us, with the lobsters out to sea! But the snail replied "Too far, too farl" and gave a look askance
Said he thanked the whiting kindly, but he would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, would not join the dance. Would not, could not, would not, could not, could not join the dance.
-
"What matters it how far we go?" his scaly friend replied "There is another shore, you know, upon the other side. The further off from England the nearer is to France - Then turn not pale, beloved snail, but come and join the dance. Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, will you join the dance? Will you, won't you, will you, won't you, won't you join the dance?
The Mock Turtle and the G W D ~ O ~ sit down to recover their breath, while the I ,
lobsters and other creatures retreat back to the sea in a sort of conga lin
87 @.-
GRYPHON So met hi ng jolly .
Alice adopts a reciting posture, hands clasped, feet turned out.
ALICE (Reciting) I passed by his garden, and marked with one eye How the Owl and the Oyster were sharing a pie. While the Duck and the Dodo, the Lizard and Cat Were swimming in milk round the brim of a hat.
As she recites we see the Owl and Oyster appear at her feet with the pie between them, to be replaced by a Duck, Dodo, Lizard and Cat all swimming furiously round the brim of a large fedora.
These images abruptly cease, and fade away as we hear the grumpy voice of the Mock Turtle.
MOCK TURTLE No, no, no, no, no! That's all wrong. It's a panther, not an oyster.
The pie, Owl and Oyster re-appear. The Oyster is replaced by a Panther. The action follows the poem closely, ending with the Panther gulping down the owl.
MOCK TURTLE (VO) I passed by his garden and marked with an eye How the owl and the panther were sharing a pie The panther took pie-crust and gravy and meat While the owl had the dish as its share of the treat When the pie was all finished, the owl as a boon Was kindly permitted to pocket the spoon! While the panther received knife and fork with a growl And concluded the banquet by -
88
GRYPHON (Vo) (Sonoiously) .... eating the owl! (Burps) Beg pardon!
ALICE Ugh! I don't think that's very jolly.
MOCK TURTLE Then I will sing you Turtle Soup. It's quite the jolliest thing you've ever heard.
With renewed tears streaming down its face, the Mock Turtle starts to sing plaintively, accompanying himself on a mandolin.
MOCK TURTLE (Singing) Beautiful soup so rich and green Waiting in a hot tureen. Who for such dainties would not stoop? Soup of the evening, beautiful soup! Soup of the evening, beautiful soup!
Beau--0otiful Soo--oop €3 eau -- oo t if u I Soo- 00 p Soo-oop of the evening Beautiful, beautiful soup!
Beautiful soup! Who cares for fish, Game, or any other dish? Who would not give all else for two p ennyworth only of Beautiful Soup?
Beau-ootiful Soo-oop! Beau-ootiful Soo-oop! Soo-oop of the e-e-evening Beautiful, beautif-ful SOUP!
89
GRYPON Chorus again!
/ /
MOCKTURTLE / Pi C' (Singing) Beau-ootiful Soo-oop Beau-ootiful Soo-oop ....
I
o Gryphon) 1'11 bet i naughty Knave
Alice and the phon follow the bbit away from Turtle still lugub iting Beau-oo
MIX TO:
A f t e r "1 The filock Turtle and the Gryphon. s i t down to recover
t h e i r breath,while t he Lobsters and o the r c rea tu res r e - t r ea t back t o
t h e sea i n a sort o f conga l i n e , " rage 86 Bot*tom, *W&
Thank you.
A l i ce walks o f % down the beach,turns inlandsand comes
t o a wal l .S i t%ing on the t o p o f it i s ilumpty Dumpty.
TIUM.P:'TY ULJPLP'L'Y e
Good daysyoung miss,vJould you l i k o me t o r e c i t e
some poetry?
A41C.ki a
wel1,perhaps n o t nowc
Nhy n o t now? You may n o t be here later,
T-Ie draws himself up,
HtJKPTPY DUTWYf,
In w i n t e r when
1 s i n g t h i s song f o r your d e l i g h t r
Oe.*...eOnly 1 don't a c t u a l l y sing it,
AL1L)lr:
1. s e e you don't,
HU IvlPTY D U PLPY Y e
If you can see your eyes must be sharper tharl most,
whe-ther I'm s inging o r no t ,
ALLUE ,
Well 1 c e r t a i n l y c a n e t see any white f i e l d s ,
o r indeed any snow a t all.
Humpty Dumpty makes a magical pass with one of h i s huge
Alice runs o f f in to the b l i z z a r d P handspJ4.nd snow fal ls out O€ the Sky,
and i s soon. lost t o viewI
6 fit57
t.2 -3-k een marked ou e a chess b o a r d
4- in t he snow.Glose diagonal l i n e s i n d i c a t e the black squares,un it stand eig hc l i t t l e girls includ.ing the Lidclell ch i ldren i n t h e conT'igurataon 02 the
chess game as i l l u s t r a t e d by C a r r o l l a t the start oi- *'Looking Glassll*Alice i o
t h e White Queen,Lorina t h e lied King,and &dit11 the white Knight.Al1
a r e dressed as chess pieces.
Charles uod!.;:son i s playing the Hevorend. Uuckworth (30) a t chess using the ch i ldren as pieces*.Oodgson i s WhiLe,Uucktzrokth
red,and they s tand a t ogiiosite endra o f tlie Ifboard14,
DODGSOIT , Ply move I think.Tertia, the white Knight moves
t o Knight 3 *
f i d i t h walks i n the wrong direction-towards Duckworth.
UOUGSOW.
No,Wo,flo,No,une forward,Une t o your l e f t ,
r;UPTH*
*
l e f t and r i g h t ,
i f m sorry,Hr Dodgson,ifm cold,
DOUGSON e
Then i f you hurry u p , i promise you itrll soon
be uver,
DUCKWOKII!N.
Nonsense!You haven't nea.rly g o t me ye t ,
r ;di th does as instructed,momentarily confusing h e r
~UUGSOXQ,
Good,(To Duckworth) Check I think4
DU C.K.WORTI.1 ,
Looks like it.iorina,we'd better move you o u t of
check.Go t o K 4 - one square towards me. She does as instructed,uodgson,srniles ,and gleefully hops
a b o u t . uODGS OR ,
Ha!You wonot escape that way,Wobin.son,Alice please
move t o Q 13 5,Jus-t in front OX the White King.
AlI ICr ; 0
I ' m Cold tOOplvlr DOdgSOn,
UODGSOIJ ,
Then hurryi
Alice does as disected,running.
uODGSOiv e
Check1
uu CKWORTII . I'm afraid there's only one square you can
move to,Lorina,K 3,Une square towards me,
She makes the move,
Uodgson l eaps clumsily in the air,
DOUGSOR e
Alice,please move -bo Q 6,On the white Kingis
l e f t ,
She does so,
DODGSUN e
And check matee8
The white wftakenll chess pieces on the sidelines
a l l gpplaud,
&U CKWORTH , I'm afraid,horina he's been t o o good for us,
well played,Mr Dodgson.1 must go in now and
give Uinah her saucer of milkr
She takes off h.er crown,and other White Queenly
appurtenances,and runs across the lawn and into the housec I by-
Alice enters the room holding two saucers of milk,f-ier Alice enters the room holding two saucers of milk,f-ier
eyes widen in disbeliefiz at what she sees.
A panning shot round the fussy Victorian drawing room
shows us the chaos that has been caused by a small black and brown,
striped kitten - a minature version of the Cheshire Cat,It has unravelled a b a l l of woo1,and spread it right round the roorn,winding it
round sofas ,armchairs ,escr i toires ,gas lamps,foo%stools,flowers under
glass,bell pulls etc etc,It sits now on the mantlepiece grinning from
ear to ear obviously delighted with its handiwork,
Its mother,Dinah sits uncaring in the midst of the mess
serenely washing the face of a white kitten which she is holding down
with one paw.
ALICE e
Gracious4 W h a t a mess4 (To the W x ~ k striped
kitten)Kitty,you ought to be ashamed of
yourself,You wicked,wicked little thing8
(To the mother cat) And so should you,l)inah,
You should have taught her t o behave better,
Just for this therefll be no milk for either
of you,You can both go to sleep without your
supper , And she puts the saucers on a side har’Bhibs3a table,
and crosses to the Ixcfs
kitten,which r o l l s over on its back Lo be tickled.
hantlepiece $0 glare at the offending
ALICE
KO$ No tickling today.
The kitten hides its head.
A I I I C . ~ ~ .
And no sulking eithermLook how ugly it makes you.
e e m m a e e m m m
And she holds the kitten up to the huge mirror above
the fireplace.
ALICE, (COntd) m
e.04me.aand if you're not good direc-tly,Irll put
you through into Looking Glass !Touse .How would
you like that?
The kitten struggles and miaows.
BLICE,(Contd).
BJow,if youfll only attend,Kitty,and not talk so
muchII'll tell you all my ideas about Looking
Glass House,First therefs the room you can see
through the glass - that's just the same as our drawing room,only the things go the other way.
Alice puts the kitten down and moves a chair towards
the fireplace,
ALICE. (Contd 1 1o 1 can see a l l of it when I get upon a chair - a11 but the bit just behind the firejjlace.0hl 1.
do so wish I could see thrzt bit$ I want so much
to know whether they've a fire in/winter: you
can never tGl1 you know,unless our f i r e smokesI
and ?;hen smoke comes up in that room too - but that may be only a pretence just to make it
the
l o o k as if they had a fire.
92, She gives the fire a good poke,and smoke rises
in the mirror as the camera moves in to a CU of it targe&ting the
pas sage e
ALICE , ( v ., 0 ) , Row we come to the pasaage,You can just see a
lit-tle peep of t h e passage in Looking Glasa House
if you leave the door of our drawing room wide ixg
open:arid it's very like our passage as far as
you can seeponly you know it may be quite
different on beyond,Oh,Kitty,how nice i% would
be'f we could only g e t Lhrough into Looking Glass
I-Iouaef I ' m sure it's got the strangest things
in it.
1.
The camera starts to pan over the reflection,which
starts to soften as A l i c e speaks,
ALICE
Let's pretend tb.erets a way o f getting through
into it somehow,Kitty,Letrs pretend the glass
has got all soft like gauze,so that we can get
through,Why,itfs turning into a sort of mist
now,I declare,It'l% be easy enough to get
thrOugha*eeoee*o4*.
We cut back to a MS of Alice kkeeling on the
mantlepiece passing through the m i r r o r ,
Mix t a :
41 ,A.BIMIITIOM TB:%SNIEL DRAIJIWGS a
IWT.LOOKII*IG GUSS ~~OUSE~DRA.WI.LVG ROOMoDAY e
Alice,now an animated character steeps through into the
Looking Glass Drawing Room via the mantlepiece,Again the angle is the
same MS as the Tenniel drawing,showing the clock's; reverse,now a clown,
9 9 and the flowers urider glass,reversed positionally,The face on the
clock's reverse winks at herr
She jumps to the floor landing in the hearth.i-Ier
attention is caught by a number of chess pieces,Kings and Queens,Bishops
and Castles and Knights walking about two and two,or silting on %he
fire irons.
ALICE. (Thought Voice)
What are they doing moving about two by two?,..,OS: I course,they are mirror images of each o t h e r r
(To ciiess pieces) Hello., o , a .11ello.. . . ,Ihey ~ ~ ~ ~ ( J ~ ~ ~ ~ x ~ ~ x ~ ~ ~ ~ x ~ x ~ ~ x ~ ~ ~ ~ x ~ ~ x ~ . x ~ ~ ~ x x x ~
d o n i t seem to be able to hear me,or see me Lor
that matterr
she turns to the table behind her to see a white A pawn
lying on its back icking and squealing.
wnib c$Ufia~u e
k itis the voice 03 my childz 1 must &,o to my
9+ The Queen gasps w i t h as tonisment ,ana nugs ner
cniLa.&e then caL1s down to m e King i n the hearth,
Mind
what
.Blew
w H i w quaad. (Calling) ,
the volcanoi
W H ~ Y E hli!G,
deucea volcano?
WJI lYE yUB.ul?l,
me up,Nind you come up the regular way - clonat ge t b lown up,
ng staris TU s b r u gle up %ne renuer. I s u m
A L l c a ,
r o u r l l be hours a b b h 1 , . 1 6 d far bemer ne lp
you,nadnit ~r
as the Ling doesn ' t hear oxb see he r , s l i ce p i c m h i m
uy,ana l,ransporr,s nim slowiy r,o r,ne LabLe r,,op.un the way sne a u s m him
o i l wi tn ne r u-mer hana,rhe King*s mouth ana eyes open wiae in
astonismen-b , w.cll.YE .KLlVti,
Uh,oh,ohflt's the voLcanol
WH1Y.K yu-!!%Bsl,
Xou know,my d e a r , t h a t i s qui te a gooa miax
S L W L TOT a poem,
1 suppose n o t .
And he turris Dam i n w n i s normal s e i r ,
wtLl.x-& KlI'SLi.
mt the h o r r o r ox tna% momen't I s h a l l never
3c orge-i; , WlIlTr, yuar;n 0
LOU w i l k ' f you don * t ~ ~ h x x ~ a m m maw a P iio7;e 01 i ~ .
The King starts bo wtibe i n a huge nobeWoK.
m t h e f i r e p l a c e -the Qhi te m i g h t i s s l i d i n g clown -Lhe polter. fie
balances very baaly,
i n h i s ~ o o ~ , ~ x k w % g i m x ~ x ~ ~ ~
d i c e g r i p s tne penci l from Denina,aria writes
L d o n i t know what t h i s i s a i I aaou'b.1 d i d n ' t
~jaEsXXX~tH~x~~z~~x9;38~~:P)III[FI~zX;PIIBPtlXaaLPLIX4ULX
h i t e Knight i s s l i d ing down the pokerdie N
balances very baaiy.i wanted t o w r i t e aDout t f i
voicano.
NS we move t o an bUu of the wri t ing i n the notebook,
t he m i g h t fa i ls OTT the poKer w i t h a monumental crasn,
w l d l Y . 3 qlJ&&fl*
well I daresay the white m i g h t w i l l do as
weL19it n o t aetter.un the whole people prexer
h i t e nnights t o voIcanoes.
w h a t s o r t o t people:
WHlTl5 Q U ',BIU. A11 sorts of people.Bamsels i n d i s t r e s s , ch le f ly ,
s l i c e p i cks up I?. book on the La,ble,a.nd stares at the
first verse o f t h e Jabberwocky reversed,
A L I G B ,
Itvs i n a language I don't understand.now
v e x i n g L , , o * a . , o
s l i c e i s s t ruck w i t h a thought,
A.l.JLG.cI 0
uf coursez it's a looking-glass book,snd is I
h b l d it up t o %ne g lass t h e words w i l l go tne
r1gh-C way agaln.
ahe s u i t s the acTxon t o the word,clLmbing on a cha i r
t o do so,and reads w h a t she sees i n the m i r r o r over the f i r ep lace .
ALlGB 0
"1'was b r i l l i g , a n d the s l i t h y toves,
D i d gyre and gimble i n the wabe:
sll mimsy were the borogroves,
find the mome raths outgrabe..,,..
w h a t u t t e r p i f f ' l e . l t doesn ' t mean a thing,
WHLT& QUEBlV 0
uh y e s , i t does,but you've g o t t o know what
the words mean,
HJJ.LC;r;,
And do Y O U C
WMLTS yul!2la 0
u f course 1 d o . I t ' s a l l about badgers - s o
far,tim-i; is,Row,of C O U ~ S E , W ~ a r e abouL t o
meet t i le fearsome Jabberwoc
"Beware t e Jabberwoc
The j; . .ws t h a t b i t e , t l e claws "clat catch!
Beware the Jllb.iub bird.c-lnd shm
TIie frumious Ikinciersnatch! I1
WHITE K I N G ,
He took his vorpa l sword in hand:
Long time e mcznxome .2oe .E sought - So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
We cut back to Alice's POT in the mirror,Yhe Queen now
recites the 4+\ verse, WHITE QUZER e
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock,with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
On the words I'Tiie Jabberwock wiGh eyes of flame etc,the
Jabberwock,with thrashing taf1,and fearsome ciaws vrec t bursts out of
the gloom of m i k o r towards us ,breathing fire and gnashing its
teeth, WHITE KIlTG.
One,two! One two!And through alol through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead,and with its head
He went galumphing back,
Suiting his actions to the words,the "beamish boyt1
beheads it with a long sword after a titanic struggle as described in
the previous verse.Alice watches terrified. WKITX QUl.!lBR e
"And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my rzrms,my bearnish boy!
Oh frabjous day! Call"ooh!Callay!I1
Be chortled in h i s j o y .
WHITE K I N G / WHITS QUAER. (Together ) . "Pwas brillig,and t he slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
A l l mimsy were the borogroves,
And the mome raths outgabe,
ALICE
I think I'll take a look at the garden.1-t must
be safer than 1iere.Thc Jabberwock might have a
mate ,
And stle climbs down from the mirror,and makes for tre
door into the garden.
42,EXT GAWDEIT,BAY.
Through a beautiful flower garden,a violently twisting
path leads away from the house to a distant hill.
ALICE ,
1 should see the garden fa r better f rom the top
of that hill: and here's a pat.h Wt leads straighj
to it - wel1,scarcely straight tpo i+t,but I suppose it will eventually,
She turns a corner and finds her self approaching
the house she has just left,
JUICE 0
vexatious! 1'11 dust have to retrace my
steps
She does so,and walks backwards sound the corner,
only to find the path is still leading back to %lie house,
She now walks up and down,trying t u rn after .t;urn,but
always with the same result,
I These gyration.speed up until the a itself
becomes an active,malevolent object cunningly rever
leading Alice back to the house,
d
47 a
ALICE.
i tvs t o o bad1 I never saw S U C . ~ a house forhget.$ing
i n the way$ But I ' m not going i n t o it again.1 know I should have t o get through t h e
looking glass againsand there 'd be an end of a l l my adventures,
And she s t r i k e s out r e sn lu t e ly down the contorted pa the lhe Red
Queen appears dramat ica l ly s tanding i n her way round the f i r s t bend,holding up her
s cep t r e imperiously.She i s t a l l e r than Alice,
RED QUEEN.
StoplWhere do you come from,and where a r e you going t o ?
ALICE.
And hear me?
XXML ALICE.
Certainly.1t * s only i n t h e drawing r o o m you can ' t ,
because of looking g l a s s
t h e 8irrw~ you see.
ALICE, I suppose soa I
~ ~ @ & @ & ~ . o a m s from the other s ide o f t h a t -8
looking g l a s sa
RED QUEF3Ja
Well. t h a t accounts f o r i t a . N o w look up,speak n ice ly ,
and don't twiddle your fingers",Now where d i you say
you were going to?
lh
$LICE a
I want t o go t o t h a t h i l l , b u t I keep lo s lng my Wa;Ya
RED QUEEN.
I don't pm know what you mean byhour way,All t h e
ways about here belong t o me.And why do you want t o
get t o t h a t hill?And tu rn your t o e s ou t ,cur t sey
while you ' re thinking,and say your Majesty1
ALICE.
cr/ERu- I only wanted k t o see what the garden looked
l i k e your Majestyt &d, tk. pc3 I
The Red Queen p a t s her on the head.
RED QIEEN.
Tha tqs better.Though when you say garden - I've3
seen gardens compared w i t h which t h i s would be a
w i l de m e s s . ALICE,
And i f I could only f ind my way t o t he top of t h a t
RED QUEEN.
When you say h i l 1 , I could show you h i l l s hx compared with which ~ ~ r n p a r x ~ ~ a x ~ k ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ u * d cal l t ha t a val ley.
ALICE.
No I shou1dn't.A hul l can't be a valley,you
know.That would he nonsense. . . . RED QUEM. (Tart)
That would be nonsense,your Majestyf.. ., You may
c a l l it so,hut IPve heard nonsense compared wi th
which t h a t would be as sensihle a s a d ic t ionary .
Alice cur t seys deeply,and mol l i f i e s t he Queen.
RED QUEEN.
Come on chi ld . I*lX show you how t o get t o tha-t
h i l l of yours - not of course t h a t i t 's not r e a l l y
minb.You have t o walk away f rom it here i n
Looking Glass Land you see,
And she walks away from it on her chess piece base,Alice goes
with he r and i s amazed flnr t h a t as they move i n the other direct ion, t ,he h i l l appears
t o grow i n s i z e , u n t i l it i s r i g h t ontop o f them.
lo I
43 e EXT c T ~ X ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ COUNTRY SIDE. DAY e
Alice looks about her t o see t h e countryside i s in t e r sec t ed
by seven l i t t l e brooks which run s t r a i g h t across it from s ide t o side,and t h e ground
between i s divided up i n t o squares by l i t t l e green hedges which reach f rom brook t o
hrook,The whole i s bound on a l l four s ides ,hy a g igant ic hedge,
ALICE. (VO) W h y I dec lare i t ' s
~~~~~~~~~~ marked out jus t l i k e a la rge chess
board,So t h a t ' s what you're doing here - playing a
huge,great game of chess.How I'd l i k e t o jibin an.
I wouldnvt mind being a pawn i f I could,though I
should l i k e t o be a e s t
RED QUEENr
That 's e a s i l y managedoyou can be t h e White Queen's
pawn as there i s a temporary vacancy.You're i n t h e
second square t o begin withland when you g e t t o thti
e i g t h square,you w i l l become a Queen.Come onl
She grabs Alice 's hand,and they f l y very quickly through the
a i r ,Alice*s h a i r and d res s streaming out behind her,
REI) QUEEN.
Fas terJFas te r t
ALICE,
But w e never seem t o pass anything.
RED QUEEN'.
O f course we donvt,No time f o r talk400 f a s t e r t
They become a b l u r t b u t t he background landscape remains
stationary.Then they descend i n a giddy sp i r a1 , to the earth.
REIIBQUEW
Come ql,lang,You must hegin the game.
And she l eads Alice by t he handiudown the h i l l t o the chessboard
f ie lds .Alioe looks around her,bemused a t t h e familiar landscape,
ALICE, (Panting)
But everything's j u s t as it w a s .
RED QUEEN',
O f course i t is8kJhat brould you have i t ?
ALICE.
Well i n our country you'd generally get t o
somewhere e l s e if you ran very Tast Tor a 1-
long t ime,as we've heen doing,
RED QUEEN.
A slow s o r t of country,Naw heretyou s e e , i t takes
all t h e running you can do t o star i n the same
p lace , I f you want t o get somewhere elae,you mu&
run at l e a s t twice as f a s t as tha t ,
& 1 C E o
I ' d r a the r not t r y please,your MajestyoI'm
r e a l l y qui te content t o stay here.
RED QUEEN*
Oh,as a whiten pawn,you can't do t h a t ,
As she t a l k s t h e Red Queen points t o the squares mentioned,
t h e camera zooming t o a CU of each of them.
RED QUEEN.
A pawn goes two squares i n i t s f i r s t move you
kaow,so you '11 g~ very quickly through the .Lz
t h i r d square - by railway I should think,and
you*ll f ind yourself i n t h e four th square i n no
time.Wel1 , t h a t square belongs t o Tweedledurn
and Tweedledee.The f i f t h i s mainly water;the
s i x t h belongs t o Humpty DumgCy;fhe seventh
square i s a l l for#est,however one o f "the kx.@~~kk
knights will show yau the my,and in theheigth
square we s h a l l be b e e n s together,and i t a a l l
f e a s t i n g and fun and furbelows.
ALICE,
What a r e f'urbelows?
RED QUEIENr
What a r e furbelows ,;your Majentz?
ALICE, (Humbly)
I'm ever so sorry,your Majesty. (Curtseying) But
what a r e they ,your Majesty)
RED QUEEN.
Mostly f'ur sk i r t s , and fun cr inol ines ,and fur
pantaloons - you knQtJ,fWr-helOW! Really,you a r e it
s tup id chi1d.What e l s e cauld they be?And now,
goad bye. During XIA t he preceding speech her costume changes r ap id ly to
i l l u s t r a t e t h e garments mentioned.Fina1l.y she waves a rega l goodbye,Alice
cur t seys deeply.
ALICE,
Goodbye,your Majesty,but I was jus t wondering where
I*.......*..
But when ahe l o o k s up from her curtsey the Red queen has
disappeared.
ALICE,
Oh dear - she ?does run most awfblly fastt , , .Bnd I
must be going myself - 1 th ink it was t o t he t h i r d
square e
She jumps over t h e t h i r d of $he 8even braoks,and &sappears
into a g rea t puff of smoke.l"lhen it cleara,we a r e in:
lo+ 44.EXTeA RAILWAY STATION.DAY,
The puff of smoke i s corning from t h e engine o f a steam
train,We t r a c k a long t h e platform,following Al i ce ,un t i l we come t o a ca r r i age which
she enters .
450 INTORAILWAY CARRIAGEeDAYo
She s i t s down and looks a t t h e other occupants.0ppox~te ar
her iskman dressed e n t i r e l y i n white paper,(We could make t h i s newspaper,and have
him read d i f f e r e n t p a r t s of himself throughout the scene).Next t o him sit a goat,a
bee t le ,and a horse.
The guard puts h i s head through the car r iage window/ khinoculars. and regards Alice throug
GUARD e
Tickets please,
Everyone exleept Alice produces an outs ize t icket ,Tagether
they v i r t u a l l y f i l l t h e carriage,The guard h i t s every t i c k e t with a boxing glove on
h i s f i s t , b e f o r e handing it back.He then looks at Alice,
GUARD e
Came on c h i l d , I have t o punch your t i cke t ,
The camera c u t s ominously from accusatory close ups of t h e
white s u i t e d man,the gaa t , t he beet le ,and horse etc ,
ALICEe
I ' m a f r a i d I haven't gat one,There wasn't a t i c k e t
o f f i c e where I came f'rom.
CHORUS OF ALL THE PASSENGERS,
Don't keep him wait ing,chi ldj Why h i s time i s worth a
thousand pounds a minute.
Again t h e camera cu ts between Cuts of them.
CHORUS OF ALL THE PASSENGERS,
There wasn't room f o r one where she came frarn.Why t h e
land t h e r e i s worth a thousand pounds an inchL
GUARD.
Don't make excuaes.You should have bought one from t h e
engine dr iver .
CHORUS 01' ALL PASSENGERS,
Yes,from the man who dr ives the engine.Why the smoke
alone is worth a thousand pounds a puff,
ALICE. (Thought Voice Over)
There's r e a l l y no use i n speaking.
CHORUS Ob' PASSENGERS. (Thought Voice'Over j
That's r i gh t ,Be t t e r say nothing a t al1,Langnage is
worth a thousand pounds a word.
A s we hear t h i s we cut betlrrwen CU'S of t h e i r mute faces.
The Guard changes the binoculars f o r a microscope,and then ror a
huge extendable telescope.
GUARD.
YOU re kraveJ.1 ing the wrong way e
He shuts up the window and the t r a i n starts.'l'he horse r i s e s , and
looks out o f the window.
HORSE . I t ' s only a small brook we have t o jump over.
ALICE. (Thought Voice)
I ' m not sure about t r a ins jumping brooks,but it'll
take ua i n t o the fourth square,and tha t ' s some comfort..
The t r a i n r i s e s i n t o the air ,and jumps the brook.Al1 the passengers
scream as i f they were on a r o l l e r coaster.
We lose s igh t o f the ground as the t r a i n passes through a
OloUdr
46eEXT TREE I N I'OURTH SQUARE,DAY,
Alice f inds herself s i t t i n g under a tree,somewhal bemused as t o
how she got there.Above her head on a bough sits a giant @ateAlice atarts i n
f e a r at i t s size.
1
GNAT,
Don't be a f r a id ,
ALICE. (Haughty)
I @ m not a b i t a f ra id .1 was j u s t wondering what 1 was
doing here.
GNAT ,
You've probably corne t o l ook at, the in sec t s hereabouts,
They're all q u i t e unusua1,as 1'11 show youowhat so r t of
i n s e c t s do you p a r t i c u l a r l y r e j o i c e in?
ALICE,
I don't r e j o i c e i n i n s e c t s a t al1,because I'm r a the r afraid
of' them,But I can t e l l you the names o f some o f them where I
come from.
GNAT.
Go on then.
ALICE, (Counting an her f inge r s )
Well t h e r e ' s t h e horsefly. . . . ONAT.
Here we have the Rooking horse f ly ,There*s one half way up
t h a t bush over t he re . I tv s made e n t i r e l y o f wood,and ge t s ackm
about by swinging i t s e l f from branch t o branchr
A t t h i s moment the Racking horse fly does,preci,ely th i s .
ALICE,
What does it l i v e on?
GNAT
Sap and sawdust mostly,Go on with the l is t .
ALICE.
And t h e r e ' s t h e mosquito.
GNAT,
Here we have t h e Churahquita,It 's more i n keeping with the
practices of the people.Mosque-ito has a foreign,
Eastern ring to it.Look,there's one over there an -iB.
that leaf,
And it points to an insect shaped like a gothic church.She bends
to look closer at it,and it flies furiously past her ear,m&ing a noise like a peal of
bells,rather than the customary whine.
ALICE,
And then there's the butterfly.
GNAT e
Crouching in the leaves at yaur feet you m a y observe
a bread and hutterfly.Its wings are thin slices of
bread and butter,its body is a crust,qnd its head
is a lump of sugar,
A s Alice l o o k s down,it flies off clumsi1y.As it passes she hears
it cry in a high pitched voice
BREAD AND BUTTERFLY.
Bread before cakel....Bread before cake!,...Bread
before cake!
ALICE.
I can't remember any more - ohyes,therefs the spidert
GNAT 0
Here we have the fIloak-and-Bagger,- but its still
spying,as yau see.
And it points to a spider dressed in traditional oartoon spy and
a t 0 costume of cloakhbroad brimmed hat,swinging on a thread juat above Aliae's head
studying her through a miniature pair of binOCUlarS,
With a little shriek she sturnblea to her feet. ALICE.
1 do not rejoice in spiders.
GNAT a
That is not a spider.1 to ld you it i F j a Cloak-
and-Dagger.
ALICE.
Even d a , I must take my leaveoThank YQU for your
instruct ion,By the bye do you know any one c a l l e d
Tweedledum or Tweedledee?
GNAT a
O f course I da.This i s the four th aquarevyou know.
ALICE.
Yes,I know.Are they nice# ,
GNAT +
Nice!
And the gnat breaks up laughing,
GNAT
You'll see.0ver
It po in t s t o a d i s t a n t woad.Alioe gives a l i t t l e wave and
starts to walk away.
GNAT.
And mind t h a t Dogerpil larl
She looks down and j u s t manages t o stop herse l f s tanding on a
l a r g e , f u r r y c a t e r p i l l a r . I t has the face o f a miniature spaniel w i th long,floppy
eara.
ALICE,
That 1 s not a Dogerpillar. It * s a cat e r p i l l a r * If
i t ' s what you say it i a , i t shauld bark.
GNAT
Why should it?Daes your oat e r p i l l a r miaow?
ALICE.
RO a
GNAT m
Wel1,there you are then,However,throw a stick for
it,and then youQll see.
Alice,rather hesitantly,does as asked,The Dogerpillar runs
lumpily after it ,barking fgbblye
ALI CEm
What a ridiculibus creature.1 wonder what it will turn
into - a spaniel by the look of it. GNAT 0
Here we call it a Tennie1,A John Tenniel.
ALICE.
Ifbe heard of a Jack Russell of course,Theyfre great
ratters,(Doubtfully) - but a John Tenniel....,..? GNAT e
They're great artists.They draw most unoommonly well.
When he grows,up you must get him to do your portraite
ALICE.
I think it's rather vain to ask someone to do your
portrait Goodbye now,
And she runs off across the graffs towards a black,sinister
wood with mac& gnarled trees writhing every whichxxgx way.
47. EXTeTKE: WOOD DAY,
Alice walks timidly down the path which leads through the
wo0d.A signpoat lowers itself out of the trees with a pointing hand at the end
of it.lt reads "To Tweedledum*s Housett.An~ther signpost appears next to it ,and
knocks the first signpost flyingmIt reads "To the House of Tweedledestl,and points
in the same directiom,
ALICE.
I do believe they live in the same house.
The signposts fall to fighting,- clouting each other into
mat chst ioks.
ALICE.
I do hope the bro thers a ren ' t sa quarrelsome,
She walks on down the path,and tu rns a cor e r a t t r a c t e d by t h e
j j ; $ ; y g $ wooden c o n f l i c t .Two more s ignpos ts , one 1abelledXSE#rsEa~shm, t h e o the r
Xwmid3a&aa,are f i g h t i n g f'uriously,Both bear the same information a s b e f o r e a h a
hm+oarnin
s o r t o f grand f i n a l e each signpost disarms the other ,hoth severe& arms f a l l t o
t he ground poin t ing i n the same direction,Even here they txy t o tu rn each o the r
round t o point i n the reverse d i rec t ion .
Alice again walks on a t t r a c t e d by more noise o f conflict.Round
the bend two small d o l l s houses f i g h t -one o f wood i s labe l led Nohow wr i t t en on
a sign hanging mom a chain hanging over t h e f ront door;the ather made of
h r i c k i s l a b e l l e d Contrariwise s imi l a r ly displayed. &
The two houses a r e belabouring each other wi th r a i l i n g s i h i t t i n g
each o the r with chimney potsosmoke coming out of these p o t s spe l l the wards
a l t e r n a t i v e l y "Take that!" "Put t h a t i n your pipe and smoke it!" l tTha t* l l l a r n yer!"
e t c e t c ,
Alice hu r r i e s past apprehensively,and f i n a l l y rounds another
bend t o f i n d Tweedledum and Tweedledee,so marked,and dressed exact ly a l i k e i n
schoolboy uniforms,standing under a t r e e , t h e i r arms round each o ther ' s necks,and
s t a r i n g a t her halefully.They remain as motionless a s s t a tues f o r a long beat.
(Dum i s on t h e l e f t as she looks at them).
TWEEDLEDUM.
If you th ink we're naxworks,you ought t o pay you know.
Wax works weren't made t o be looked a t f a r nothing.
Nohow4
TWEEDLEDEE"
Contrariwise.If you think we* r e alive,you ought t o
speak.
A t h i n voice high i n &he t r e e r e c i t e s i n a broad , f l a t
Liverpudl ian whisper.
CRON, (VO) . Tweedledurn and Tweedledee
Agreed t o have a ba t t l e .
For Tweedledurn said Tweedledee
Had spoi led h i s nioe',new r a t t l e .
A huge black C ~ Q W i n pince-nez,shining s i l k hat ,and fu r l ed
umbrella g l ides i n t o shot t o perch on a hranch jus t above Al ice9s head.
CROW o
J u s t then flew down a monstrous crow
A s black as a tar-barrel
Whioh fr ightened both the heroes s o
They q u i t e forgot t h e i r quarrel ,
TWEEDLEDUN.
I know what you're thinking about,but it &XI&$
isn't s o nohow,
TWEEDLEDEE,
Contrariwise,If it was s o , i t might be;an& i f it
were s o it would be;but as it iern' t , i t a in t .
That ' s logic ,
CROW.
It were t r u e about everything except the orow
being monstrous,It oould equally well read
g lossy ,or well-groomed crow*
ALICE,
1 was th inking i t ' s ge t t i ng a b i t dark,so I
ought t o know which i s the best w a y out of t h i s
wood.Would you t e l l me please?
The twins l o o k a t each other and 3t
1
ALICE. (Poin t ing at Tweedledum)
F i r s t boy$,
TWEEDLEDUM.
Nohow:
ALICE.
Next boy !
TWEEDLEDEE.
Contrariwise!
TWEXDLEDUM.
You've begun wrongelhe f irst th ing an a v i s i t i s t o
say how d*ye da,and shake hands. r i gh t and l e f t
The bro thers hug each o ther and exten#/hands t o be shaken.
CROW
Have you ever seen such a looking g l a s s couple i n
a l l your l i fe?Daf t things!
She takes both t h e i r hands,and f inds herself swung i n t o a dance
raund t h e t r e e s ing ing Here We Go Raund The Mulberry Bush,Music comes from t h e
t r e e whose branches sub across each o the r l i k e f iddles .
CROW(T0 t he twins),
I ' d give aver if I were p x thee.lhau art r e e t
p u f a d a
And it f l a p s off t o t h e beat of the music,paradying t h e twins '
condition.They pause f o r b rea th and l e t go o f Alice 's hands.
ALICE,
I hope you ' re not much t i r e d .
WEEDLEDUM.
NohowmAnd thank you very much f o r asking,
TWEEDLEDEE.
So much obliged!Yau deserve some poetry,
ALICE. I'd r a th i - r hear which vaad lead$: d i y q , f' lQss wood,ii'
you don't mind.
TWEEDLEDEE.
I don't mind i r ' he $ax don't mind,but if he don't
mind I do.(To Tweedledurn) What s h a l l 1 r ec i t e t o her?
TWEEULEDUM.
The Walrus and the Carpenter i s the longes t .
Tweedledee s t a r t s ins tan t ly .
i )TWEEDLEDEE.
The sun was shining. e . a a
Alice immediately i n t e r r u p t s him,
ALICE.
If i t 's very long,would you please t e l l me first
which road......,.
TWEEDLE DEE TO TWEBDL
f We'd b e t t e r do it together s o as t o speed 1% up.
They meld toge ther back t o back and become one perfect
spheroid,or as it were,egg*They s tar t speaking t h e couplets contrapunt
TWEEDLEDEE.
The sun was shining on t h e sea
Shining wi th a l l h i s might,
TWEEDLEDUM.
H e d id h i s very bes t t o make
The bi l lows smooth and bright.
TWEEDLEDEE.
And t h i s was odd beoauss it was
The middle o f t he night.
The sun goes down swi$'tly,plunging the wood i n t o darkness.A
moment l a t e r it rises again on:
48.EXT.A BEACH NIGHT.
It shows us a
completely e c l i p s the moon,which I
beach with chalk c l i f f s p a calm sea,and a M s w s p u t t a r s b r i e f l y and gibes out.
11
TPiK ItIjI~EDXTG ( VO ) *
The sea. was wet as wet could be
The sands as d r y 8,s dry
TWJ!:.EDL.EDUT4 e ( VO )
You could n o t s e e a cloud because I
d was i n the sky.
r d s were f l y i n g over head I - " ~ were no b i r d s t o Ply.
______x-"*- "- CA -- I.. ___- .And down again t o the beach where n t ing f igu res - t h e 'Walrus and the
_ I
." 1 I ,
__ _.____.- ".-.I-
/-#-----*
The Walrus izrzd t he Garrlenter were walking c l o s
TWBEDIIEDI23. (TO).
They wept l i k e anything t o see
Such quantities o f sand.
WALEUS/CARPENTER. (Together) a
If this were only cleared away, - I 'L
FWEEDLEDW. ( vo ) 6
They said.
1 WALRUS/CARFENTER. ( TOGETEIER) a
....061t would be grand.
Seven s p e c t r a l g i r l s with long hair ,and long handled mops f l o a t down t h e beach sweeping luxur i an t ly .
WALRUS *
If seven m a i d s wi th seven mops
Swept it f o r ha.lf a year ,
WALRUS.
That they could g e t i t c lear?
C ARTENTER.
I doubt i t , . . . , TWEEDLEDEE . ( VO ) .
. . . . S a i d t h e Ca.rpenter,
And shed a b i t t e r t e a r ,
WALRUS.
0 oys te r s come and tmlk w i t h E% me., . .
The Walrus adwn4cea t o -the t i d e l i n g and addresses the o y s t e r
beds - rows of expectnnt oys t e r f aces .
!lWEEDLEDEE (VO ) . The wa.lrus d i d beseech. , .
VT,AI;RUS ( 7 h p l i c i t o u s l y ahowing his hands 1 e
A pleasant walk,a pleasant t
A,Zong the b r iny beach.
Ye cannot do w i t h more than fou r
To g ive a hand t o each.
Ffe t r a c k into an Em
long white beard and cane,and 8
11
o y s t e r beds ,Pfe i l l u s t r a t e t o t h e w o r d s
TPTEEDTJl+~UUJIJS. (TO) . The e l d e s t o y s t e r l o o k e d P t him,
B u t never il w o r d s s a i d he. * . . . !I?~~I~XTJI,T~DI~E e ( vo ) e
The e l d e s t o y s t e r winked h i s eye
And shook h i s heavy head.
TW:EEDLEDUI\'I e ( VO )
Meaning t o say he d i d not choose
To leave t h e oys t e r bed.
Four oysters l e a n out o f t h e sea. i rnclculately garbed,and still
grooming themselves with brushes and combs. They run towards t h e ev'alrus
and t h e Carpenter.
T!nlZZi:DLZDEE. ( VO ) e
But f o u r young oys t e r s hurr ied up
A l l eRgw f o r t h e treat. TI!J;:EDII~DUTJI a (VO ) . ats were brushed,$heir faces wnshed,
'I'keir dhoes lirere c lean znc neat 1/ :iITJEDEE I (vo 1 .
hnd t 9 i s T:YIR o d d you l m ~ ~ * , b e c a u ~ : ( 3
They h : ~ r?.n I -i; any f e e t .
811 l.6 Oyster f e e t a,nd shoes disa a stroke'
The camera fo l l .ows the gamballing hysters a t ays t e r he ight as the
they make t h e i r way dosrn t he sand tovrards t h e beckorLj-ng Walrus
Carpenter. TWEEDLEDUM. ( V
Pour o the r o y s t e r s fo11
And ye% another fou r . . . . , TWEXRLEDEE. (VO)
And t h i c k and fast they L8.S t
And more and more and more. T W ~ L U L B ~ U I ~ e ( )
A l l hoyping through the f ro thy waves, And scrambling f o r t he shore.
TU~L;hlJJi.LU~. (vo ) ~
The 1:'alrus and the Car:jenter FTalked on a m i l e o r s o .
The oys te r8 do @artwheels ,and s k i p yebbles t o begin wi"u,but g radua l ly lag behind,and have t o run t o keep up,
t~\/lWDLli ~ ~ l ~ k i i . ( Vu) . And they ren ted on F r o c k Convenicntly low.
TI7 ~ ~ ~ T D J J $ D A ~ ~ ( V(.3)*
Ancl. 2711 t he I.i-l;tle oys t e r s atood, And waited i n r7 row,
-mi%ed,hlany - - o f t he oysters are panting,avdt holding t h e i r hearts 0 I l l u s t r a t e a~ descr ibed, perhaT>s with a l l t h e shoes,
F l i n g - G Z G G T - ~ WAJJ'US
cabbages and $&ngs
piled up i n t h e s h i p
r e s t i n g on a b o i l i n g
sea,vrith winged p i g s
as f igureheads on
t h e bowsprit , '\
The time has come
The Walrus sai.. WAJiiiirS.
To talk o f many th ings ,
O f shoes and sh ips and seamling wax.
O f cP.bbRges and kings And why t h e s e a i s bo i l ing ho t
And whether p igs have wings.
i I S T OYSYULlrKr
But wait P, b i t . . . a . e
'2WFEDXEDEE * ( 'VQ ) a
The Oysters c r i e d
IS92 O'YST.k!x.
Before we have our cha t For some of us a re out o f breath And a.11 o f us axe fa t .
A% l o a f o f bread T\f1;:J(D LGJBd. C V o )
The Walrus sa.ifl., ~~~~~~ WAL.tiUS *
1 s c h i e f l y what we need. Pepper and vinegar besides Are very good indeed,
MOY i f you ' re ready,Oys<.ers,dear, We can begin t o feed.
OYS'L'$iiS (Together ) But not on us
mfJEEDh.IL;UlrM L ( vo ) The oys t e r s c r i ed
Turning a l i t t l e blue OYSTdKS~(!l?ogether),
Af t e r such kindness, t h a t woulct be A dismal th ing t o d o ,
~$/ l<IJ~Ub.
The n ight i s f i n e
The Walrus said WALiiU s e
Do YOU admire t he View? It was so kind o f you LO
And you a.r !Lqq EE lYJ
The Carpenter said nothing but - U B k C 2 J i U !i?l!"i.ki *
Gut us another s l i c e ,
I wish you were not ha l f s o deaf I've hPd t o ask you twice.
Ml~LitUS
It seems a, shame.
The TrJaLrus s a i d .
T o n l a y -thm such r? t r i c k . A f t e r w ' v c brought -them out s o f a r And made t.hem/so quick ,
Tbd-idABh-&J,.)A~ a (VO 1 e
UAJJLtUS. (v. Q) e
3-vvst
8 -iJy LI?;UUl'f. (yo). car.pZK.lcF The Nx%xm na.iC1 no%hing but -
The Carnenter d o l e f u l l y examines a s l i c e of t h i c k l y bu t t e red bread.
c bii.Phi!J T X.R e
The b u t t e r ' s spread t o o t ihck , bi&.iRus. (Sobbing).
I weep f o r you TT,$EzDL&L)G~. ( vo ) ~
The Ilalrus said W&Q3US e
I deeply sympathize
Under cover o f P vas t handkerchief,he glibly sorts ou$ t h e largest o y s t e r s ,watfied i n t e n t l y and suspiciously by the Carplinter as t h e former Tretends t o Cry.
Vith sobs and t ca r s ihe s o r t e d out Those o f t he l a
T ,i LlLJi.)&
'[ToIding h i s pcke- t handkerchief 'ilefore h i s streaming eyes *
0 Oysters qyJ@$LLM.NPi. ( Tfg ) *
You've had a pleasant sun, Sha.11 we be t r o t t i n g home again?
Tl$z;3Dll&d&8. \ vu 3 #I
But a318wer came these none
12
And t h i s was scarce ly odd because
They cl ea ten every one i The C ~ ~ N E I passes over a long l i n e o f emirby oys te r shells,
~ W ~ ~ i ; U L ~ ~ U L l e ( vo } e
BText t o each i s a n e a t l y axrnnged p x h x p a i r o f shoes, ALJC.Li. ( VU).
I l i k e t h e T+Talrus bes t because he w8.s c2 l i t t l e s o r r y f o r t h e p o o r oys te rs ,
Contrariwise! He c t e more than the Carpenter though.You nee he held h i s handkerchief i n f ron t s o that t h e Caryen-ter couldn’t count how inmy he took,nor see how big they Were,
A L I C ” W V 0 ) . Yh2t was meanIThen I l i k e the Carpenter b e s t -
if he d i d n ’ t e;lt S O many as the Walrus,
’S\Tohow!He a t e as many as he could g e t ,
How p r y l e x i n g ! Do a person’s a c t s count m o r e than t h e i r in ten t ions? . . ,Anyway t h e y ’ r e both p e r f e c t l y f o u l . . . . P o o r l i t t l e oys te rs - they were s o t r u s t i n g ,
ALJICJ5. (WO).
Ah,but t hey g e t t h e i r own ba AI;ICE(TTO) *
Cer ta in ly they do.., . , W i l l . you continue,D.mm?
TWEEJ&ddUI{ 9 ( VQ )
Absolutely,my dear Dee. The Carpenter 126 ceased -to sob, The Walrus ceased t e e e p . c+le
Buring t - l i ls exchange t h e YJaZrus and the Carpent erkhave been cxhibit i ing every s i g n o f gus t a to ry compose themselves f o r a leep,rubbing t h e contentedly and rumbustiously,
Tfx:bJDhddUld. (VO) e
And of t h e i r c r a f t and c fue l ty The punishment t o reap.
They rsl;a.rt t o snore.The ghorlt o f an o y s t e r appears,dressed $Fti$iBghonous w h i t e . I t dances a rnacabre shampkag on t h e tummy and cheat o!?"the b?ekri~ng 632 i!en%er$?fk! &&%er s ings as it dirinces.
R%concludinE it by o % ar 0 Tli3.T o ?,ad. 1 c~q..,.sh ot *
G$@ST 0%' lsy OYSTfikI. (SI.lqGIAJG)
he Carl7en-t;er i s s1.eei~ing;Kh.e butter's on his f a c e e
The vine,l;ar and -pevyxr a r e ~71.1 : i b o u t t h e -@.,:ice. xe t O y s t m ~ ; r o c ~ z your c rad le Then 1~~1.1 you i n t o r e s t And i f t h n t s K I . 1 no% do it We sll n i t upon your chest! PTe'lI sit upon your chest! We'lL s i t upon you^ chest! The s imples t way t o do i t Is t o ,.:it u m n your chest!
The ghost of a second o y s t e r appears,similarly s-pookily a t t i r e d , and dances a hornpipe and sings, climaxing by jumping on the Walrus 's stornach,and ches t .
GMOLT 03' 1713 OYSTJ!L~~ (Singing). P 0 woefu1,weeping Yalsus,
Your t e a r s are all a aham. You're g r e e d i e r for oys ters Than ach i ld ren are f o r jam.
You Like to have an oys ter To g ive t h e meal a z e s t Excuse me,wicked 'ffaaLrus For stamping on your chest .
ing on your ches t , ing an your ches t ,
Excuse me,wicked Fdalyue F o r stamping on your ches t ,
The beach scene fades away,and w e ' r e back i n - k2 &
49 * EX'P Yl-iJi wou1, e
Alice confronts t h e twins,
cruel poem a''
iia;lCS. Well, 1: 'm glad th.@ &$&their revenge,
1
17: I &L~LL,JL uqi a
Elating oys t e r s i s not as c rue l as breaking r a . t t l e s , Do you s e e that? I ' d fo rgo t t en all about it!
And he nointE t o 8 t i n ,wliite,broken r a t t l e , 9 4LLlCd.
It B only a rat-l;le I N o t a r a t t l e - a n a h ,you know, S O
t h e m ' s no need t o be f r i g h t e n e d . I t t s only an o l d r a t t l e - q u i t e o l d and broken.
7'7 ~Ei(iJLZBUl.1.
I knov: it .It1s t0ta~l1.y s p o i l t o f course.And it's no t o l d . I t " s new! I t e l l you i t v s newaI 'Isought it ycsterda.y.TIe1s sU0iI.t my nice new k i . ~ ~ ~ ~ L i i i !
Tweedledlee opens hi:: urnbrel-la, and t r i e s t o crawl. i n t o ifi, and f o l d . i t up around himnsel-f.Iie lies therc ,only his head noking ou t , opening and d iu- t t ing h i s moukh l i k e a s t randed f i s h ,
I sunr,ose so.0nly she rnust he lp us t o d re s s up, you knots ,
The twins g o o f f ha,nd i n hand in to the wood leav ing - Alice a lone .Present ly she hears a f e a r f u l cla,nlcing coming t o w a r and they r e t u r n w i t h t h e i r arms Pi111 o f b o l s t e r s , b l a n k e t s , h e ~ ~ t t a b l e c l o t h s , d i s h covers,a c o a l s c u t t l e and a saucepan.
~'dli.LULld.I.-)Ul"l a
1 hope you'r.'ts~ rl good hmd a t plnning and Lying things?TWeryone o f these things has g o t to go on,somehow o r o ther ,
&i~Icge (To Tweedledee)
-6- Alice d re r ses 8s i n t h e dra,wing. x
Do you r e a l l y want a c o a l s c u t t l e on your head?
!I! .cJLLllm.
i n a, b a t t l e - -to g e t one's head c u t o f f . She puts o n t h e coal s cu t t l e , and then fits t h e
saucepm 0x1 Tweedledwin's head,
T ~ $ ~ L & ~ & ~ J J U L J J . , (, Fimoroualy) Do I l o o k very pale?
ALlCd
Well a l i t t l e ,
I ' m very bra.ve general ly ,only today I happen t o have a headache,
X\J&&JJ.J&JJAh.
And I"ve g&y g o t a, toothnche.Itm fa r worse than YOU e
TI]EXDL&~)~U~~ e
?\Tohow e
TBJ-JJJJ$IUJSX e
Contrariwise. A.LLC& e
Then you'd b e t t e r not f i g h t today, y\~&~i.jj-&JJ'~l~
We must c__. have a b i t o f a f igh t ,bu t I don't care about going on long.TrIhat's t he time now?
p\jA&BL&J#x ,
FIalf p a s t four . T\{UZULXUW.
L e t t s f i g h t till 6,and then have dinner. IPid+DL3UEE 0
Very we l l - and she can watch b e t t e r not come very close.1 everything I: cab see,when I Q
TWAdD5EUUTd b And T h i t ever hing within s e e i t o r not!
ALICE, ' n i t the t r e e t t y o f t en I should
think.
I don't suppose t h e r e ' l l i \ e a t r e e l e f t standing f o r ever s o fa.r around,by t he time we're f in i shed l
12
And a l l about a r a t t l e ! You should be ashamed.
I shou ldn ' t have minded i f it hadn ' t been a new one.. . e ,Come on!
!I!! ; JiCdJJJiU UP1 *
And he s tar ts t o belabour Yweedledee w i t h h i a sword,who r e t u r n s t h e col.npliment,At every s t r o k e R piece o f metal c la j r ters off9and they d i sapnea r i n t o t h r woods, t h e i r progress marked by fa . l l ing t r e e s
f i f t h f&uare.As she doe^: so a white shawl w r h R i t s e l f round h e r l e g s , blopm by R. mighty wind.Panting along behind it comes t h e Plhite Queen.
0 , EX? h l i ce , l augh ing r u e f u l l y , jumpc o v e r a hrook,and la%?, ink3he
l,JxIIy& k; lJ.Ld.lid *
Wel1,yes ,- i f you^ caJ-1 that a-dressing.But it i m t t my not ion o f -the thing a t a lZL.1tve been a-dressing niyself f o r t he laEst tlrJo hours - and l o o k at t h e r e s u l t !
A panning CU o f t h e PThi-te '7ueen Shows her t o be d read fu l ly unt idy ,
U I ~ ~ ~ ~ (Thought Voice Omr) y s i n g l e th ing i s crooked.Shefs aLJ. over p i n s ,
(Aloud) May L put your shawl s t r a i g h t f o r you?
P rank ly , I d o n ' t ts the matter w i t h I t ' s out o f teem and I've pinned it t h t h e r e ' s no p leas ing i t , I t t s wery con-tumaciousL
LL1C.ti *
I: don ' t t h ink I've met a contumaciQus shawl befo re , I see I'm going t o have t o be very f i r m w i t h it,
And she r igo rous ly pins t h e awl i n place,shaking the Queen seve re ly i n t h e process.
.&lC.E. (Contd) And dear me,what e7 sta . te your hair i s in*
I
Whpt is the matter? You haven't pricked your f i n g e r ,
I haven't pricked it yet - but I soon shall - oh!Oh!Oh!Oh!.,...
Air ICG.
Thrhen do you expect to do it?
Oh,shoftly,. . . .Very short ly . The brooch on her shawl f l i e s open,and ahe clutches at; it
pr ick ing her finger.
It's ;just a,s v e l 1 I ' v e a l ready got i t bound up, isn't i t ?
I \$l ice ehskes her hczd in b~wilderment . ALICd.
Why don't you scream mow? And she puts h c r hand::: o
Why,I 've done 8.11 %he screaming already,What woukd be -the good o f d o i - e i t all. over
~ L ~ C ~ . ( D u b i o u S l y ) , I see,
Ah! Now you've got it!
iA.I‘C!.Ii e
Yes p2ease.h loq; as i t ’ s ?;ot nothing t o do with Yalruses and Carpenters.
Why should k t ha%?
t h a t d i d iu.dcl3.
P: just heard oneland it was very long.
She rounds a B-end i n t h e stream,nnii sees I-Tumpty Uumpty s i t t i n g on c? wall,on t h e otlner side o f R brook,which / i s a t r i k t a r y o f
t h e stream.
IImpty Dumpty..,,Of courlsc Un p e t i t d'un p e t i t . 1 l ~ e e whet t h e poem i s a l l bout! You don ' t t r a n s l a t e it! It si simply l?nglir"l;h with a. yrench accent!
IIumpty Dumpty sat o n P wall IIuni-)ty h ~ d r7 pwt f a l l P L U tho king 'E; horses , nncl a l l %lie Bing ' s men Coulcln t gut IIumpty Ilufiip*y together Pgain.
BL1C-E. (l/Ji-th a French j'ccen-b-1
She leaps out of t h e bopat and jumps over the brook.
Hello ,young miss. I th ink vfe ' ve met before a
Yes,Sou begm a peem on snow.
Began i t ? D i d I not f i n i s h i t ? h e r hea.d.
I t ' s a, d i S f i c u l t poem t o f inish.Before I start again you must t e l l ine your name and businessI
i'4y name i s A.lice,
LlLTCii:.
kLICL$.
Irn%Q!J!Y DUi42T Y . What a, $$upid name!Wha.t does it mean?
Names a r e n ' t supposed. t o mean anything.
Of course they c.lre,My nPme means the shape I am - and a goad,h~ndsome,spherical shape i t i s . ' ' i th a name like
HLiC.8.
HUi'KPTY DiXAm'Y.
yours,you might be any shape a l m o s t , ALlCZ.
on'& you thinlc you'd be safes ;"?O!i!riesQ8Bed$ ground,/Wmt t m L 1 so very narrow.
Why,if I: ever d id f a l l o f f - which there18 no the way but if I d i d - t he king himself has psomised
la f
m e . . , . . . . .
No thing . y]ney cou ldn ' t nothing? That 's i
W a b e a u t i f u l be
It i s no t a b e a x t i f u l be1t.I-b i s a b s a u t i f u l c r a w l , You r e a l l y must l e a r n t o t e l l the difference between a wais-k and a neck! It WETI given t o me
my grand f r iends - t h e white Qu
.iLUl~lPI!Y LJUlL~FilY. (Yelling Impenetrabi l i ty! !
The word f i l l s t h e screen,ba,nishing the othless , be fo re disannearing i t s e l f
E.IUl\ypT'Y DUl!LPl!'Y
There you see - I mcaiit by impene t r ab i l i t y , tha% we 've had enough o f those s p i t e f u l , illhumoured
verbs ,and i - t it7ouJ.d be j u s t c7.s well if you'd mention what you rnean t o do next ,as I dan ' t suypose you mean t o s t o p here a l l t h c rest o f your l i f e ,
Th2tln a grezt de01 o f work t o make one word ALlCd.
mean , Fru~JpTy JukLk?TY a
When 1 make a v ~ o r d do a l o t o f worg l i k e t h a t , 1 always pay i t ex t r a ,
€Ie w h i s t l e s sharp ly and t h e word Impenet rab i l i ty returns.He toasses a purse of money t o it.!Phe capi ta l I cabches i t ,and bows ,
fLL1Gd o
You seem very c l eve r a,t explaining words.Would you k indly t e l l me t he meaning o f t h e poem c a l l e f
Jabbemvocky. HmfX7TY I)Urd??Y
Ilet E hepar it.1 can explain a11 the poems tha t viere ever invented,- and a good many th8-l; h a v e n ' t been,
mras b r i l l i g ,and the s l i t h y toves B i d gyre and gimkle i n t h e wabe: fill rnimsy were the borogroves,
ALIGU *
e rnome rathhs outgrabe, H ~ . I ~ Y dUkil"L'Y' e
2 r i U . i g means 4 o'clock i n the afternoon - t h e time when you begin b ro i l i ng
A watch shoving f o u r o f clock rniraculo hings fox? dinlz@r*
aT",-oears in h i s hand, taken f rom behind. h i s cravat.
And slithy?
Ancl -I;oves?
‘ilheyfre a, C ~ O G ~ b e t ~ i e e n a b:ydGer.. . e .
. * . .a, l i z a r d . . e I e
lf o f thc: badger becoines c2 2.izax.d. I I~JJ’~I ’TY UUi~.lY(ilY e (CO13 YY) .
0 0 0 .and n corkscrew. The c rea tu re :: body now becomes c o i l e d and B ~ ) i r ~ ~ l - l e c l l i k e
a corkscrew.Another siiiiiLar crea. ture a, ‘pears and they start t o gambol round U i c e 8 l e g s
11 UI.iP!Y U UkLPflY *
They make t h e i r n e s t s under sundials . An orna te sundir?.l anpears .
ALXGB.
And v.4m,t1s t o gyre and -to gimbJe? Humpty Dmpty po in t s t o t h e q+mboling Loves wlio a r e now
spinning round, ancl making ho le s .i
A s you seee90 gyre i E t o go round and round l i k e a gyroscop.To girnble i s t o mq-..ke ho les l i k e a gimb1e-b.
BLICS*
And t h e wetbe i s t h e grass p l o t round 8
sund ia l , 1 imagine? T31l grass gnrings u p round t h e m m d i a l ,
Iim@I!Y DUiYiPTY e
Clever g i r 1 , R o w m i a y i s flimsy and miserable ,and a, borogrove i s a thin,shabby- looking b i r d with i t s fea ther all round - something Like a l i v e mop,
s t i c k i n g o u t
An example o f i t joins t h e dance ound Alice i n a dispir i tEd. s o r t o f way,
AlJLCli *
And then mome
about them. A J J l C J i .
And vhqt does ou-t;gra.be mean? llti L.IYii's1 .lJlrlLEl! Y *
1% s nomething between bellowing and , , . h i s t l i ng , with a kind o f snr'ezc i n t h e rnidd.le.
Thclnlc you.YouTve been m o s t helpfu1.Goodbye till we meet again,
A I I I C l i 0
And she c u r b s cys Ru-ypI1'Y UUklPTY 0
I shoul-dn+t lrnovr you aga.in,if we d id meet, You're s o exac t ly l i k e o ther peo?)le.Your f a c e is t h e same as everybody kas - t w o eyes he re and here inose i n t h e midd1e;mouth under . I t ' r r
alwa.ys t h e s=me.ETow,if you had tvro eyes on. the same s i d e 09 t h e nose f o r i n s t ancc ,o r t h e mouth
a t t h e t o p , t h ~ t would be soiile he lp . ! l . ice 's feetuures a l t e r b r i e f l y pccordingly,before r e s w i n g
t h e i r normal shape a
v~o-t~liln~ t l o o k nice e
:.xu, p ! Y i)UlJlPS'pY.
You s h o u l d g ive it ser ious considerat ion. T&mnwhile 1'11 give you an example o f an o u t p a b e .
Ile zives ;7n exgm.-r!le of t h e noise he has d e s c r i t he reverberat ions of arhich make h i m t e e t e r on t h e u,a.lZ.Alice -tr ies %O
p ~ a l 1 , c";.nd lancl:! on t h e ground v i t h a. tremendous crash sha
t h e sounds o f a hundred x ieces .
armour and horse8 rac ing t o t h e rescue .They a~mear , faJ ,J ing and over each other,ancl g e t t i n g i n t h e most f r i g h t f u l mess. arr ive at t h e scene o f t h e cnlamity,nnd s t a r t t o
s t eady him,but t o a.vail. slowly m-t; i:i=2corabl~ he t ~ r ~ b l e s f r o m
She heass/an army P !-troachiwl - hundY2ed
h e r aga in , 1% i s l i k e a three dimensiona
' 3 % put h i m toge ther ei2.tirel.y t h e vrong via.y,both eyes on one sicle,imu-th on t o n o f t h e nose e t c - just 3s previously described t o Alice by RuPnpty
mpty himnelfI ;jwt before h i e f a & h c r e e t l v Y
Alice l o o k s on &~BXEU&EZ~ f r o m a,fa,r.
Serve him r i g h t I !mew Z sa was r i g h t al.]. e:I.ong e
i:LICi?: a
Knre so1.dies.s c m be heard R roc7chiqZ in -the sane chaot ic way a s before,and - ! l i ce creeps a w y i n t o t h e trees where she f i i i d s a brook, and l e a p s over i t . 5 - 3 TOW p~ t3 R 7.
a g r e a t he igh t at a town many hundreds o f : f e e t below her.Ywo matchstick f i g u r e s - 8 l i o n and 8, unicorn are Fuimieling each other furiously whi ls t c i r curnna!itbul-aJ t in@ t h e t ovn .
Iiiimediately shc: lands on t h e o the r sid[e,she i s staring down f r o n
AlIXCB
T"hy I dec la re i t B t h e Lion and the Unicorn. ?Ion t -bel1 me t h e y ' r e s t i l l fighting.,..TSow d o e s i t go now e s b b . . . .
A s she runs down towards -the town,she & c i t e s the poem. of t h e f i g h t with cheering a.nd counter cheering,grows louder all the time.
1LiJc.; c
The Lion and -the Unicorn were f igh t ing f o r the crown. The IXon be?% t h e Unicorn a l l around the town. Some g a v e them white bread, and some gave them brown some gave -them nlum ca,ke,ancl druinined them out 0% town.
She e n t e r s t h e -Lown,and she i, nea r ly t r a m p l e d , underfoot by the
Prom o n T o s i t e ends of i t come two Ifnigh-ts on horsos,one i n warr ing duo i n a, narrow s t r e e t .
arinour,the other in w .?%,eh have P strange ~wrtment o f ob jec ts on t l i e i r l.iorses - f i r e i ,hand Ise1.10~;.~ b o t t l e , ? 13rushe [nusic& jns-t-rumenLE nnd gia.nt i r o n sv ikes on t1Ld.r l egs
R ~ D kLi!IGLi!l!. (yo L i o n ) ~
Alioy!h.hoy! Checlr!T*?e cant t hrve t h i s - d i s t mace! You're my
Rlloy!-4.hoy! Check!'Te c e n ' t 41zv Xciiifi' a (TO L i o n ) ~
! You're rvly prisonAer
1
lzorn.
You 1 re lily .Ixi:.j o m c r i The 'CJni c o r n t o s r; ex i t s hcad c aunt emp-tuou.sly, unseat ins
t h e Vhit e Knigli-t ..Alice lzelps him up, mid gives him a hand remounting, +J Soniehow he fincls a 7r~a.y th.rough t h e ironmongers s t o r e which i s is saddle ,
l)J&l T.2 1G.lIY
I l o s t c i v i l o f ye,miss,
A ?.leasure.Might I: a::k vihy you have so many
&JyJ~fi,
9 things on $eur horse. iiii1 Tii; iili IGLLT
BE I t ' s as well t o be provided f o r
has a l l those anklets rouna h i s f e e t . everything .That E tlie reason t h e o l d f e l l o w
si,licc s t o n i s t o examine t h e ou t s i ze spikes on the h o r s e ' s
L L i J r . c ! . ! i a
legs
But what acre they for? 7 ry-11 TI3 XiU IGid! .
course.
Im;:1ed ia,teely i n h e r hand,
She s t r u t x around r ega l ly , t ry ing t o ge t used Lo the crown, ing over her eyes , and o f f her head ,as die kj.G!W,r-: all zht ,using t h e s c e n t r e a s a s ~ o r d .
which keens s L i t h e fJ.owers i n
LLL1C"Ii.
I dub you S i r Lupin.1 dub you Lady V i o l e t . 1 dub you Lady Rose,I dub you S i r Hyacin-th, e . .
Come sir,rise and you will be IIgacinth (h igher s i n c e ) you started 1cneeling, b m II
$he t i t t e r s a.% t h e awful pun,and k m her crown f a l l s o f f , She s t o o n s t o r e t r i e v e it ,a.-nd -theiI s tyaightening up,finds t h a t t h e Red and- '* 'b i te {heens are s tanding on both s ides o f her.
lLLIU3e (To Red Queen). '3"l-ea.ae coukd you tell , me if the game i n nov~
3 over.
' r e spolnm t o o
JLLlCl3.
But if everybody obeyod, tliat rule,ond if you only spoke lpthen YOU ere s :oken to,and %he o the r person alvays waited f o r you t o begin,
16 ever say anything SO that..mr
The r u l e &o obey is speak before w r i t e it d o ~ m beforehand,
BI;IC.& I) didn't mean..., ..,,,
'Nor me, though i f we f ol.Io7;~ *the Yhite Gabbit ,we re mare t o be l a t e .
They a l l follow t h e ? f h i t c Rabbit t o t h e Court Ilause. Mix throul?;l? t o
5 4 . ~ T \ T T ~ T 1-111, i: OUiCP e Uii i: . ~axaxt~n~wexn~z$z$oz~ TiJhL-te Rabbit .Tfi-l;h he r a r e -the Red and ISrhite flueen,
th rones above a.11 t he c t h e body of -the cour t com6Lement o f chess p
e rg we have niet i n the two s tor ieF; ,who f i l l the whole pack%. o f cards ,and a f u l l
In the jury box are twelve creatures of all kinds, squirrels, lizards, ducks, frogs, porcupines, cockerels and mice, all of whom are staring greedily at a large platter with two cream topped jam tarts on it, sitting on a table. Next to it stands the Knave of Hearts in chains, guarded by two soldier-playing cards.
ALICE What scrumptious tarts. I wish they'd get the trial done with, and hand round the refreshments,
KING (To White Rabbit) Herald, read the accusation!
The White Rabbit blows on his trumpet, and unrolls his scroll.
WHITE RABBIT The Queen of Hearts, she made some tarts All on a summer day. The Knave of Hearts, he stole those tarts And took them quite away.
KING (To the Jury) Consider your verdict.
WHITE RABBIT Not yet! Not yet! We must hear the witnesses first. I call the first one - Her Right Royal Majesty The Queen of Hearts!
The Queen rises from her throne, and paces the court like an early Perry Mason.
QUEEN (Pointing to the tarts theatrically) Those two miserable tarts are all that are left of a great batch of tarts that I made this morning ,...
We fade in a vignette flashback of:
r3 4
40. THE COURTYARD OUTSIDE THE PALACE KITCHEN.
The Queen emerges from the Royal kitchen carrying a large platter of steaming jam tarts. She places them to cool on the kitchen window sill.
QUEEN (VO) ... and set to cool on the window sill of the Royal Kitchens.
As she bustles off, an amorphous shadow falls across the tarts, and we hear a sinister, tremulous, sting chord, as WE MIX BACK TO:
41. THE COURT
The Queen is still dominantly pacing the court.
QUEEN I didn't just make two tarts. I made two dozen, and the miscreant thief ate them all until he could eat no more. Cunningly, he left two, hoping I wouldn't notice the absence of the others. But I'm not such a dunce as all that! Oh no! I know the difference between two tarts, and two dozen tarts!
KING What is the difference, dear?
QUEEN If you want to know the answer, ask the Knave, He took them so he should know. They're all in there! I just know they are.
And she prods him hard in the stomach with her sceptre. We see a brief X- Ray picture of the inside of the Knave's stomach with all the tarts piled neatly up.
KNAVE How do you know? I'm innocent, I tell you - innocent!
QUEEN It's obvious you're guilty. Aha! I see it all now! You're a knave aren't you?
KING (To jury) Oh very good. Consider your verdict.
WHITE RABBIT Your Majesty perhaps we should hear the other witnesses first.
KING Oh must we? It would be better my way you know.We could all get at the tarts quicker. Perhaps I might just try one now ... It is a trial isn't it?
And he stretches out his hand towards the plate.
WHITE RABBIT They are evidence, your Majesty. It wouldn't do to eat the evidence. There's little enough of it as it is.
KING It would lead to a quicker trial though.
The Queen gives him a glare, and smacks his hand.
QUEEN (To King) That's enough of that. (Looking suspiciously at the King) H'm I see that the Knave is not the only person present with a partiality for jam tarts! Aha! I see it all now!
KING I never touched them, my dear, I swear it!
QUEEN We shall see. (To White flabbit) Proceed!'
WHITE RABBIT Call the next witness! Call the Hatter!
The Hatter, wearing a top hat appears carrying a teacup and a piece of bread and butter.
HATTER I beg pardon, your Majesty, for bringing these in, but I hadn't quite finished my tea when I was sent for,
KING You ought to be finished. When did you begin?
HATTER The 14th of March I think it was,
MARCH HARE Fifteenth.
DORMOUSE Sixteenth.
KING (To Jury) Write that down,
The Jury write down on their slates squeakily 14 15 16
- 45 = € 2 . 5 ~
QUEEN I expect you hadn't finished because you had too many tarts to eat,
KING Take off your hat.
HATTER It isn't mine.
KING (To Jury) Stolen!
They jurymen with more terrible squeaks write down "stolen" on their plates, all spelling it differently. "Stolan", "Stolin", "Stolon", "Stolun", etc etc.
HATTER I keep them to sell. I'm a hatter.
QUEEN Don't prevaricate! What are you concealing under that hat? Tarts, 1'11 be bound! Remove it this instant! Off with his hat!
The Hatter takes off his top hat. There are no tarts. He is completely bald. The Queen walks over and inspects his head closely.
QUEEN What a wily Hatter!
KING He's probably one of those conjuror chappies. If you can make rabbits appear from hats, you can probably make tarts disappear from them too!
QUEEN That's it! You're on to something there, my dear.
WHITE RABBIT I was never made to appear from a hat,
KING (To White Rabbit) That's neither here nor there. (To Hatter) Now, you. Give your evidence, and don't be nervous or I ' l l have you executed.
The Hatter bites a large piece out of the teacup instead of the bread and butter.
Alice in sympathy bites a piece of her mushroom and starts to grow bigger - her feet receding at a colossal rate.
DORMOUSE I wish you wouldn't squeeze so. I can hardly breathe.
ALICE I can't help it. I'm growing.
DORMOUSE You've no right to grow here - not in that vulgar, show off, fas h ion !
And he storms off to the other side of the court.
The Hatter sinks to his knees. He is trembling so much both his shoes shake off.
HATTER I'm a poor man, your Majesty, but some times 1 can afford some tarts with my tea, which of course I wouldn't dream of eating till I'd finished up all my bread and butter.
KING Quite right too. Bread before cakey is the golden rule.
QUEEN There is no golden rule where stolen cakeys are concerned. Do you deny you had tarts for tea?
HATER No, Your Majesty. I indeed did send the Dormouse off to bring me some tarts.
QUEEN Aha! I see it all now!
DORMOUSE They were treacle tarts, from a treacle well.
QUEEN Stuff and nonsense! We aren't talking of treacle tarts, We're talking of jam tarts from a jam jar. I made them myself,so I should know. So stop wasting the time of this court. (To the Hatter) Which reminds me. You once murdered time, when you sang at our concert. Off with his head!
The Hatter runs from the court, pursued by soldiers.
QUEEN (Con t'd) Now, where's that March Hare. He's got at least two dozen places at his tea table. He'd need all those tarts. Aha! I see it all now!
The March Hare quickly follows the Hatter.
QUEEN (Cont'd) Off with his head tool (To the White Rabbit) Now call the next witness.
The White Rabbit blows three blasts on his trumpet.
WHITE RABBIT (Calling out) Call the Cook!
The Cook enters holding a pepperpot in one hand and the pig-baby in the other. She takes her place in the witness box.
KING Now then, what are tarts made of?
COOK Pepper mostly.
The Queen strides up to the witness box.
QUEEN Not my tarts! They're made of jam, and the very best pastry - as you well know. Aha! I see it all now! You stole them to find out the recipe. Come confess!
COOK Nonsense. I only make Tarte au Poivre.
The Queen rushes over to the pig-baby and stoops dramatically to peer at it.
QUEEN Aha! I see it all now! No wonder that baby's turning into a pig with nearly two dozen tarts inside him. Only a pig would steal and eat so many!
COOK Rubbish! You might as well accuse the Duchess!
QUEEN I do. Look at that huge satchel mouth of hers. Aha! I see it all now! Only a huge mouth could possibly demolish so many tarts!
And WE ZOOM into an ECU of the Duchess's wide mouth, as she tries desperately to purse it up.
DUCHESS (Through clenched lips) It's well known I'm not partial to jam tarts.
14.8 .I
l*ri-bh flames :From out ita mpn& lung
ICING - 14y d e a r no one has ever understood a single word f t ha: ever said It j u s t ~ l ~ ~ h i f f l e s " a n d t ~ b u r b l e s , Besides i t s
had Ets head c u t o f f S T " e t d be much bet-ter o f f c a l l i n g the L i o n ancl the Unicorn.'i!hey'rc a lvnys having t e a ,
er b1astf3 On his trunlp \ill1 Tl.5 IT 0 (Calling 1
ICING - 14y d e a r no one has ever understood a single word f t ha: ever said It j u s t ~ l ~ ~ h i f f l e s " a n d t ~ b u r b l e s , Besides i t s
had Ets head c u t o f f S T " e t d be much bet-ter o f f c a l l i n g the L i o n ancl the Unicorn.'i!hey'rc a lvnys having t e a ,
\ill1 Tl.5 IT 0 (Calling 1 Cla,l,l the L i o n and t h e UnicornL
The %ion ancl. the U n i c o ~ n e n t e r f i g h t i n g 1Ki;rc
Y o u cpn s t o p ~ l l t h n t f ight ing.This is 2 Court not a battlefield.
-the bewigged c r e a t u r e s ;.t t h c t a b l e
o f Law,
The White Rabbit blows another three blasts on his trumpet.
WHITE RABBIT
Alice who box over.
rown enormously tall, stands up abruptly, knocking the jury
QUEEN Aha! I see it all now! A growing girl needs a great supply of food - in this case tarts! She's nearly a mile high! Off with her head - if anyone can reach it!
ALICE I am not a mile high. And I am not a thief!
KING This trial cannot continue until all the jurymen are back in their pro per places.
Alice hastily restores the creatures to the box.
KING All of them!
Alice sees she has put the Lizard in head downwards, and quickly reverses him.
ALICE (To Herself) I should think it would be quite as much use in the trial one way up as the other.
The Queen rushes over demonically to examine the jury.
QUEEN Aha! I see it all now! Twelve jurymen. Two each makes two dozen tarts. The jury stole the tarts. Off with their heads!
KING (To Alice) Now then my girl. What do you know about this business?
ALICE Nothing whatever.
KING That's very important.
The jurymen start to write down the word "important".
WHITE RABBIT Unimportant, your Majesty means of course,
KING Unimportant, of course I meant, didn't I? (To himself) - Important - unimportant, important-unimportant, important - unimportant. .. .
Some of the jurymen write it down one way, and some the other.
ALICE I really don't think it matters - this trial is such a farce.
QUEEN (Scandalised) A farce! ... This trial a farce!
ALICE Certainly. There's scarcely anyone in the courtroom your Majesty has not accused. (Mimicing Queen) Aha! I see it all now! You probably stole them yourself in order to have an excuse for executing everyone, which is what you principally like to do!
QUEEN How dare you! How double dare you! I tell you someone very slyly stole away my tarts, and managed to eat them without being seen. I don't for the life of me know how it was done in such a public place, but I shall certainly get to the bottom of it, and when I do ....
The voice of the Cheshire Cat is heard softly, and enormously self-satisfied.
CHESHIRE CAT WO. almost a whisper) But 1 know, Invisibility has its uses. And I do so love a nice jam tart or two - or two dozen, topped with mounds of whipped cream ....
The grinning face of the Cheshire Cat appears briefly in the air above the head of the Queen. It is covered in strawberry jam and cream, It moves towards Alice.
ALICE You naughty puss! It was you all along!
All the cards rise up in the air, and come flying down upon the cat, and Alice, as the former disappears laughing hugely and licking its lips. We move into an ECU of Alice's head and MIX BACK TO:
LIVE ACTION
42. EXT. THE HAYRICK ON THE RiVER BANK. EARLY EVENING.
Alice lies in the dappled shade of the hayrick on the river bank. Her sister Lorina sits next to her.
LORINA Wake up, Alice, dear. Why, what a long sleep you've had. It's getting late and you haven't had your tea. Look, I've saved you a tart. You're very lucky Dinah didn't eat it.
And she offers Alice a jam tart topped with cream, The cat makes a play for it with its paw, trying to scoop the cream off, as she lifts it to her mouth.
ALICE Oh, I've had such a curious dream!
And she starts to giggle helplessly, as we move in to frame Alice's head, Dinah and the jam tart in close up.
THE END.