ascend parenting support skills

8/18/2019 Ascend Parenting Support Skills

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SUPPORT SYSTEM

USE CONSEQUENCES, NOT PUNISHMENT

Set up a system in your family or classroom where undesired behavior results in aconsequence. Many actions are expected in children at different ages. There should be no

consequence for normal childhood behavior.

TIME-OUT AND GROUNDED

Older children can be sent to their room, or any room where they are not allowed to watch TV

or play. Timeout for a teenager is similar to being grounded. One day of not being allowed to

tal! on the phone, go out with their friends, or drive a car, will wor! until they are old enough tolive on their own outside of your house. "y then they will be secure and ready for the

consequences of the adult world.

AVOID THREATS #ever say$ %&f you do that again you will get timeout.% This is confusing to a child. 'ids are

eight to ten years old before they are capable of the adult reasoning behind the %threat, threat, punish% system. They thin!$ %&f & did something wrong, why was & not punished(% and$ %)hy is

it o!ay sometimes and other times & am punished(%

*onsequences may be ad+usted to fit the individual. )hat wor!s for most may not wor! for all.ou must be sure the application is onehundredpercent consistent. 'ids need to !now where

the line is located. They want it blac! and white. *hildren have difficulty understanding grey

areas.

NEVER THREATEN, SET THE RULES AND STICK TO THEM. IF YOU MAKE A

STATEMENT, AND LATER FAIL TO STAND BY IT, KIDS WILL LOSE RESPECTFOR YOU. THEY HATE LIES MORE THAN THEY HATE CONSEQUENCES. LEARN

TO SAY ONLY WHAT YOU REALLY MEAN.

TALK WITH YOUR KIDS

Some people avoid saying what they need to say because they are afraid of the results. The

outcome is always worse than it would have been. One couple failed to discuss their

expectations prior to their marriage. "oth were afraid such discussions might end the

relationship. The result was a divorce after several months of revelations. The marriage wouldhave had a better chance if the issues had been handled during the courtship. &t was the way

their parents related. -ach came from a divorced home. arents who discuss and solve problems

have children who do the same.

LYING

arents tell their children not to lie, but what about parents who lie( /ow do !ids learn to lie(*hildren want to believe what their mother says is true. /ow can they if she says things she

does not mean, +ust to ma!e her point. Things are said and intended as empty threats. The child

resents the threat and the lie attached. Suppose you tell a fouryearold$ %&0ll pop you if you

touch the TV1% Two wee!s later they touch it and you say$ %& warned you, do that again and &0ll

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pop you1% The child did not forget what you said two wee!s ago. /e is testing you. &f you do

not follow through on what you said, the child will lose respect for you and believe it is normal

to tell %little% lies.

USE A FIXED BEDTIME

This is the strongest weapon in a parent0s arsenal. 3s long as the child is dependent on the parent for support, they can be required to comply with a firm, fixed bedtime. "edtime should

be 4$55 .M. on school nights and 6$55 .M. on nonschool nights. This can be accomplished by

using a digital watch or cloc! with an alarm. Set the alarm for 4$52 .M., if a child is not in bed before the alarm sounds, the consequence is a 7$85 bedtime tomorrow. 3 later bedtime can be

earned by good behavior. &f the bedtime goes to 4$29 and a negative progress report comes

home or the child is sleepy in school, the bedtime goes bac! to 4$55. "edtime can be quiet time

in their room, as they grow older.

TELL YOUR CHILDREN THEY ARE WHAT YOU WANT THEM TO BE

& remember my mother telling me when & was young that & was smart and good loo!ing. & grew

up believing both, and & have lived my life as if it were true. & never saw the connection until &read in a psychology boo! that children believe what they are told about themselves. Telling a

child$ %ou are a bad !id1% may cause them to grow up believing it and allow them to feel

comfortable doing the things a bad person would do.

TEACH YOUR CHILDREN VALUES

)hat are Values( )e all have some concept of what values are, but & li!e radio psychologist :r.;aura Schlesinger0s definition$ %Values are lighthouses< they !eep you from crashing on the

roc!s1% Many children are taught by their parents that values get in the way of shortcuts. ;oo!

at the vast number of people who play the lottery hoping to get rich the easy way. The truth is

that those dollars would be a million times more li!ely to ma!e them rich if they were invested.Thin! what lesson children learn when they see their parents stealing small items from wor!,

calling in sic! when they are not, and abusing drugs, legal or illegal. Tobacco and alcohol are

drugs, and !ids !now it.

HONESTY Tell the truth1 Thin! about it, you !now who is truthful in your group of friends

and cowor!ers, and you !now when your !ids are lying. They !now when you are lying1arents who tell little lies can be teaching their !ids to lie when they thin! it is necessary. The

+udgement of a child is not the same as that of an adult. )hen you catch your child lying,

examine yourself.

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COURAGE /ave the strength to #OT follow the crowd when the crowd is wrong. eople of

courage say #O and mean it. They influence others by the strength of their convictions. )ould

you rather be a leader or a follower( &t ta!es courage to be a good leader. Most people wouldrather follow a leader who is doing the right thing.

PEACEFULNESS ;earn to compromise rather than argue. &t is not necessary to give in, butreali>e that however wrong the other person might be, they thin! they are right. #o two people

have identical circumstances in their past. -verything you have encountered in your life has had

an effect on the way you believe today. The same is true of the other party.

SELF-RELIANCE "e responsible for your own actions. 3bandon the need to blame outside

forces. &t is a commitment to personal excellence in everything you do. arents must learn to let

children ma!e decisions. eople who are allowed to ma!e small mista!es as children matureearlier. Their decision ma!ing ability enables better lifechoices in their teens and twenties.

SELF-DISCIPLINE ?se moderation in eating, spea!ing @don0t curseAyellAlieB, and use of

alcoholAtobaccoAcaffeineAetc. Our !ids !now if we are in control and ta!ing care of ourselves.They learn by our example. *hildren of parents who smo!e are twice as li!ely to start before

graduation from high school. 'ids who are not smo!ing by then will probably never start.

FIDELITY "e true to your commitments. &f you say it, you should mean it. &f you change

your mind later, you should !now in your heart that it is the right thing to do. *hildren of parents who !now how to ma!e and !eep commitments are able to identify and associate with

other people who do the same. This will help them in all aspects of life.

JUSTICE AND MERCY "e fair in everything you do. ;ive by the golden rule. *onsider thiswhen setting rules and consequences. Cemember what it was li!e when you were a !id . . . be

fair1

LOVE Teach your children to love themselves and to love others. They will always care what

happens to themselves and to others.

arents who suspect that their child has bipolar disorder @or any psychiatric illnessB should ta!e

daily notes of their child0s mood, behavior, sleep patterns, unusual events, and statements by the

child of concern to the parents. Share these notes with the doctor ma!ing the evaluation and

with the doctor who eventually treats your child. Some parents fax or email a copy of theirnotes to the doctor before each appointment.

arents$ ;earn all you can about bipolar disorder. Cead, +oin support groups, and networ! withother parents. There are many questions still unanswered about early onset bipolar disorder, but

early intervention and treatment can often stabili>e mood and restore wellness. ou can best

manage relapses by prompt intervention at the first reoccurrence of symptoms.

The!"e#$%& P!e'$%'(

Such techniques include$

• practicing and teaching their child relaxation techniques

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• using firm restraint holds to contain rages

• prioriti>ing battles and letting go of less important matters

• reducing stress in the home, including learning and using good listening and

communication s!ills

• using music and sound, lighting, water, and massage to assist the child with wa!ing,

falling asleep, and relaxation• becoming an advocate for stress reduction and other accommodations at school

• helping the child anticipate and avoid, or prepare for stressful situations by developing

coping strategies beforehand

• engaging the child0s creativity through activities that express and channel their gifts and

strengths

• providing routine structure and a great deal of freedom within limits

• removing ob+ects from the home @or loc!ing them in a safe placeB that could be used to

harm self or others during a rage, especially guns< !eeping medications in a loc!ed

cabinet or box.

Wh!$ !e $he e)#&!$%*'!+ 'ee) * ! &h%+) %$h /%"*+! )%*)e0

3 diagnosis of bipolar disorder means the child has a significant health impairment @such as

diabetes, epilepsy, or leu!emiaB that requires ongoing medical management. The child needsand is entitled to accommodations in school to benefit from his or her education. "ipolar

disorder and the medications used to treat it can affect a child0s school attendance, alertness and

concentration, sensitivity to light, noise and stress, motivation, and energy available for

learning.

The child0s functioning can vary greatly at different times throughout the day, season, and

school year. The special education staff, parents and professionals should meet as a team to

determine the child0s educational needs. 3n evaluation including psychoeducational testing will be done by the school @some families arrange for more extensive private testingB. The

educational needs of a particular child with bipolar disorder vary depending on the frequency,severity and duration of episodes of illness. These factors are difficult to predict in an individual

case. Transitions to new teachers and new schools, return to school from vacations and

absences, and changing to new medications are common times of increased symptoms for

children with bipolar disorder. Medication side effects that can be troublesome at school includeincreased thirst and urination, excessive sleepiness or agitation, and interference with

concentration. )eight gain, fatigue, and a tendency to become easily overheated and dehydrated

impact a child0s participation in gym and regular classes. These factors and any others thataffect the child0s education must be identified. 3 plan @called an &-B will be written to

accommodate the child0s needs. The &- should include accommodations for periods when thechild is relatively well @when a less intense level of services may sufficeB, and accommodationsavailable to the child in the event of relapse. Specific accommodations should be bac!ed up by a

letter or phone call from the child0s doctor to the director of special education in the school

district. Some parents find it necessary to hire a lawyer to obtain the accommodations andservices that federal law requires public schools to provide for children with similar health

impairments.

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-xamples of accommodations helpful to children and adolescents with bipolar disorder include$

• preschool special education testing and services

• small class si>e @with children of similar intelligenceB or selfcontained classroom with

other emotionally fragile @not %behavior disorder%B children for part or all of the day

• oneonone or shared special education aide to assist child in class

• bac!andforth noteboo! between home and school to assist communication• homewor! reduced or excused and deadlines extended when energy is low

• late start to school day if fatigued in morning

• recorded boo!s as alternative to selfreading when concentration is low

• designation of a %safe place% at school where child can retreat when overwhelmed

• designation of a staff member to whom the child can go as needed

• unlimited access to bathroom

• unlimited access to drin!ing water

• art therapy and music therapy

• extended time on tests

• extra set of boo!s at home

• use of !eyboard or dictation for writing assignments

• regular sessions with a social wor!er or school psychologist

• social s!ills groups and peer support groups

• annual inservice training for teachers by child0s treatment professionals @sponsored by school

• enriched art, music, or other areas of particular strength

• curriculum that engages creativity and reduces boredom @for highly creative childrenB

• tutoring during extended absences

• goals set each wee! with rewards for achievement

•

summer services such as day camps and special education summer school• placement in a day hospital treatment program for periods of acute illness that can be

managed without inpatient hospitali>ation

• placement in a therapeutic day school during extended relapses or to provide a period of

extra support after hospitali>ation and before returning to regular school

• placement in a residential treatment center during extended periods of illness if a

therapeutic day school near the family0s home is not available or is unable to meet thechild0s needs

The /**1 #e) * $he "!e'$%'( "*(!2 %3

Survival strategies for arenting *hildren with :isorder "ipolar$ &nnovative parenting and

counseling techniques for helping children with bipolar disorder and the conditions that may

occur with it by Eeorge T ;ynn M3 M3 */M*.

3uthors notes$

/e explains that today, more children are being diagnosed with bipolar disorder where in the

past they were diagnosed with severe 3:/:, depressed or Oppositional :efiant. /e offers

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practical advice on recogni>ing bipolar symptoms, understanding medication and managing the

challenges of parenting a child with bipolar disorder. /e also recommends this boo! to

professionals wor!ing with families who suffer as a result of this disorder. & personallyrecommend this boo! to all parents and clinicians.

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