14 January-February 2010»The Asian Outlook

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Wanted: a professionally qualified boy for an

extremely beautiful, fair Punjabi Khatri girl, 24/160,

B.Com, C.A. (Group 1 passed) employed girl from a

respectable family. NRIs please excuse. TThe days when NRI

grooms were able toget the best brides andthe maximum dowryseem to be over. Aparent in India today,

As India’s economy boomed, the demand for the NRI groom took a

nose-dive. It is not only the reputation of the NRI that has travelled via the

net that is keeping the prospective brides away, but the recent economic

downturn has further strengthened Indian brides’ resolve to keep these

boys at bay. Move over NRI boy, the desi is now ready. A special report by

Rakesh Anand in New Delhi, India

15January-February 2010»The Asian Outlook

Dr. MahalakshmiNagubandi is anatural medicinepractitioner and forher the choice wasclear. In fact, she didnot give her parentsany choicewhatsoever. “I had putdown my foot on justone condition that myprospective shouldnot be an NRI. Iconsciously avoidedlooking at a possiblegroom bringing hisvisa part of themarriage baraat. Ibelieve that it is not somuch the character ofa man that couldbreak a marriage of this kind as much as adjustmentproblems between the newly married couple.Unfortunately the Indian male, wherever he may be stillcarries certain chauvinistic ideas in his head. He expectshis wife to make major adjustments and still would like toflaunt her as a modern lady socially. This dichotomy ismore apparent when you go west. The risks are more andI am not ready to take any risk. .”

She is a Registered Naturopathic Doctor and holds aBachelor’s Degree in Naturopathy and Yogic Sciences(B.N.Y.S). She as undergone a teacher trainingprogramme at Sivananda Ashram and has worked as aConsultant at Apollo Wellness Plus. “I chose a traditionalmarriage which may sound strange to the westerner; theIndian community will empathize with parents taking theresponsibility of choosing a groom. I however did lay

down somei m p o r t a n tconditions for thekind of life partner Iwanted.”

“When I wasinformed that thisguy is a softwareengineer I wanted tobe sure that he wasnot looking foropportunities to goout of the country. Ilike my home. I likeand am addicted tothe concept of Indiawhatever it maymean. I was surethat I would not goout of the countrypermanently. I have

always wanted to marry somebody who I could reachout to easily. Apart from the needless bother of culturaladjustment, there is also somewhere a sense of doubtlurking in the mind. I have heard stories of the longdistance carrot luring people to matrimony in searchof a promised more affluent lifestyle. I am not willingto barter my life for my style. Marrying an NRI is like agamble – it may work and it may not and too manystrings attached.

I am now married and my dude is a creativesoftware techy. I am happy with my choice of the guyand am thankful that he has no dreams or ambitionsof being offshore permanently. He has his roots stablein India. Call it patriotism, old fashioned or whatever.This is what I want and am happy I got it.”

NRIs come with too many stringsNRIs come with too many stringsNRIs come with too many stringsNRIs come with too many stringsNRIs come with too many stringsNRIs come with too many strings

Dr Mahalakshmi with her dude

looking for a suitable boy for their daughteradds the last sentence to their ad as neithertheir ward is interested in leaving the countryfor a an NRI husband , nor do they want theirdaughter to live in a far away unknown landwith strangers. Independence, the desire tobe close to their parents, professionalism,growing careers and higher education are justsome of the reasons that girls from India arenow refusing to step ashore for the sake ofmarriage.

There is not one but a couple of reasonsthat the demand for an NRI groom hasplunged. As India’s economy boomed andjobs opened up in the last decade, every girlor a boy with any education was able to grab

one and rise higher in their profession withsheer hard work and grit. Undoubtedly, asIndians are known for their hard work,sincerity and professionalism, sky is the limit.Says a New Delhi based hair designer NeeraYadav, 27, Doing anything outside this cityis out of question for me. If I move from here,it means I have wasted all my years of hardwork in making a name for myself in theindustry. I don’t want to throw all that awayfor someone I don’t even know today.

Mr.L.Ravichander ,Chief Mentor,IdontWantDowry.com, a Hyderabad basedwebsite finds that the girls looking forpartners are specifically asking the NRI boysnot to get in touch with them. Says he, “Most

girls today are highly educated; hold highpaying jobs with scope for moving up theladder. They are more choosy today and don’twant to give that up for an NRI groom whois born and brought up in an alien culture andas in most cases we have seen is unable toadapt to the girl, her family and friends. Oneimportant change that has come up in the lastfew years is that women are moreindependent and assertive. They expect thattheir husbands adapt to their families the sameway the girls do, which at most times isdifficult for an NRI because of culturaldifferences”

News Producer Kalpana G worked for aMiddle East newspaper for more than five

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17January-February 2010»The Asian Outlook

than in a distant land. The lure of stabilitytoday is more attractive than the glamour of adistant land and floating dollars. Says Meeshaan IT professional,” I think I am not braveenough to give up my job here, marrysomeone I dont know and settle there. This isfamiliar territory.”

The recent economic downfall, recessionand layoffs in countries outside of India, hasfurther strengthened the girls resolve to keepthe NRI boys at bay. The evergreen demandfor young men with dollars in their pocketshas crashed by 20-30 per cent according toIndian marriage portals. Families of younggirls are now going back to the most settledprofessions of doctors and engineers whenlooking for a groom. CEO of yet anothermatrimony website said in an interview, “Overthe last year, we have seen a distinct changein the preferences made by Indian families inselecting a bridegroom for their girls. NRIgrooms based in the US and the UK, who werethe first choice earlier, have been relegated tothe backseat. Families feel that if things gowrong in a marriage or there is a job loss,India will be a better place to sort things out.Pay member revenue by NRI grooms too hasgone down for us as they are not gettingenough responses.” Will scams like Satyamor lack of basic amenities like power and

water make a difference in their choice of anNRI groom? Not all says Kalpana.” We areall used to that, aren’t we?”

Mohini Kapoor (name changed), whoseson has a stable job in an IT industry inCalifornia and works in a company notaffected by the recent economic crisis, islooking for a bride for the last more than 2years. Says she, “Those who are ready tomove are the girls whom my son does notapprove. He still is to find someone who is aseducated as him and they have something incommon.” It was not so difficult a few yearsback. No wonder Bollywood films like Whats

your raashee was a flop in India but NRIsloved it while Preity Zintas Videsh had peoplethinking.

Undoubtedly, India was relativelyprotected from the worst effects of the worldwide economic downturn, although growthhas slowed, yet Indians working abroad inbanking, telecom, finance, software or otherindustries have been hit harder. Thisphenomenon has further strengthened the girlsresolve to stay close to home as supportsystem is not far to seek. So move over NRIboy, the desi version is better!.

Harman Baweja’s ‘What’s your Raashee was a hit in North America unlike in India wherethe film was not liked at all. It almost flopped at the box office. Though the movie had an

interesting theme, it was far from reality. With changing times, the lure of anything or anyoneforeign has completely waned. When it comes to NRIs grooms or brides, caution is the word.On the other hand, Preity Zinta’s Videsh-Heaven on Earth based on domestic violence in anNRI home, was well liked by the local Indian audience as it touched many chords and sent a

message of courage to the lonely Indian bride that there is hope.