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How leaders can bridgeagreement gaps in a group.

By Claire Raines and Lara Ewing

ITS NATURAL to feel uncomfortablewhen you lead a group that has a histo-ry of conflict or controversy, or whenyou anticipate that conflict is likely toemerge in the group. Thankfully, wehave found two principles that can helpbuild a bridge between factions. By clar-ifying intentions and searching for simi-larities within your group, you can helpmembers bond around common pur-pose. Weve found that the strength of that initial bond creates an atmosphereof respect and appreciation, making it safe for group members to explorehighly controversial issues and airstrong differences.

Building that bond begins withdrawing the groups attention to com-mon ground, especially common inten-tions, early in the meeting. You maychoose to acknowledge the differencesfirst, but be sure to lead the focus onwhat they share. For example, youcould say: I know youve had a hardtime coming to agreement about howto launch the campaign and the specif-ic action plans that will lead us to theresult we all want. Feelings ran prettyhigh about those differences in yourlast meeting. Its important to remem-ber that we are committed to achieving the same objectives. The passion withwhich we differ is only a reflection of how deeply we are dedicated to thiscommon purpose. Keeping that in mind,how can we work together to accom-plish our goals? From there, develop alist of working agreementsgroundrules for the discussionthat will helpthe group air differences while main-taining respect and goodwill.

In How Great Decisions Get Made ,Don Maruska recommends extending an invitation to explore hopes. He

writes, Many groups are hopeless.Theydont lack potential, but they do lackclarity about whats truly important tothem. This deficiency blocks groupmembers from engaging with oneanother, discovering effective solutions,and working together effectively. Youcan turn around any troubling groupsituation by asking participants twoquestions: What are your hopes forthe meeting? and Why are they impor-tant to you?

By taking that approach, Maruskadeftly turns the groups attention awayfrom specific positions on issues andtoward the purpose of the meeting orproject. Once the group members findcommon ground at the more generallevel, its easier for them to agree onthe specifics.

Maruskas strategy capitalizes on thepower to seek alignment rather thanagreement. Yasuhiko Genku Kimura,former Zen Buddhist priest and founderof Vision in Action, believes that thefuture of the world is dependant uponour ability to work with one another topursue common hopes through dif-ferences in beliefs and point of view.Alignment is congruence of intention;whereas agreement is congruence of belief. People who differ in their beliefscan align in their intention, turning their diverse points of view into a com-mon asset. No more do we need, nor canwe afford, the usual politics of agree-ment versus disagreement, which issubverting the integrity of human unityand endangering the future.

Gaining alignment in a group re-quires the facilitator to take a third-person perspective, staying above thesquabble of differing opinions to see theparties common intention. Occasion-ally, the situation seems to call for evenstronger measures. Weve been askedto lead groups in which key stakeholderswere so polarized that even the ideaof holding a meeting was objectionableto them. In that case, it is necessary

to do some prep work before the meet-ing. One strategy is to set up a conver-sation with the negative thoughtleaders, so they can share their per-spectives. We have found that theirviews add vital information to what wealready know. In fact, we often ask themto help design the meeting or give usideas that we can incorporate into ourapproach. During these conversations,we keep these principles and thoughtpatterns in mind:Theres always a bridge. I can find ways toconnect with this person.Curiosity is key. I wonder what her per-spectives are on the issue. What ex-periences has she had that has herfeeling so strongly that she doesnt evenwant to be in the same room with peoplewho feel differently?What you assume is what you get. She hasgood reasons for how she feels. Sheswell intended.Treat each individual as a culture. She mayhave a unique take on this issue or theremay be personal reasons unrelated tothe topic that are motivating her.Dont attach strings. Ill extend the offer of listening, honoring her perspective, andtaking responsibility for bringing thatperspective into the room. But I dontassume shell do the same for me or forothers in the group.Clarify your intention. I want to find outwhat she needs in order to participate. Iwant to discover enough about her per-spective that I could represent it well inthe meeting, even if she decides to de-cline the invitation to attend.Notice your own reactions. If I continue tothink of her as a fly in the ointment, anegative thought leader, it will stand inthe way of building a relationship withher. I have to shift this. Clearly, shessomeone who brings vital pieces of thepuzzle into the room. Ill redouble mycommitment to search for her positive in-tention and give her the benefit of thedoubt.Search for similarities. What does she have

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in common with other members? Wheresthe common ground? How can I lead theconversation from the level of specificand opposingpositions to the purposesor intentions that she shares with othergroup members?

In our experiences, it possible for thegroup to have a meaningful conversa-tion that leads to breakthrough. But thatrequires group leaders to truly listen tomembers and incorporate their input in-to the meeting. By establishing rapportand helping members connect, we canhelp groups communicate effectively.

Editors Note: This article was adaptedfrom The Art of Connecting: How to Over-come Differences, Build Rapport, and Com-municate Effectively with Anyone by ClaireRaines and Lara Ewing, published byAMACOM Books, a division of AmericanManagement Association, New York.Used with permission. All rights re-served; www.amacombooks.org.

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