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VOLUME 76 • EDITION 8 Happy April Fool ’s Day! TATER

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In This Issue...These

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CAlled

TeAsers!

ARAN KHANNA “It all started on a quiet after-

noon in my native land of Cana-da” said Killian Widdis, a Lake-side junior and self-proclaimed expert on Canada. “Everyone was watching the news unfold in Egypt and Libya, and I guess that some people started to get ideas. All of a sudden messages were fly-ing all over Facebook and Twitter and suddenly there was a revolu-tion going on.”

The causes of what is being dubbed the Canadian Revolution are mainly based on the fact that the tyrannical government of Canada continues to endorse free health care, clean environmental policies and social welfare pro-grams for all.

The revolutionaries are calling for the Canadian government to reform and be “more hardcore like the U.S.” They are demanding sweeping changes including, “go-ing to war with another country just for the hell of it, sticking it to mother earth by dumping four million barrels of crude into the Canadian wilderness and starting to play sports people actually care about, like football,” as a popular slogans explain.

The Mounties and Canadian police have begun to take some of the most drastic steps in Cana-da’s history to put down the revo-lutionaries, like issuing strongly worded warnings. So far, these actions haven’t seemed to deter

the demonstrations going on in all the major Canadian cities, which is to say only Toronto.

Experts predict the economic effects of this revolution are go-ing to be felt here in the U.S. very soon. Canadian exports to the United States are dropping rapid-ly. The United States may soon be lacking in maple syrup and Cana-dian hockey coverage on ESPN 2.

In preparation for this deficit, Widdis has begun stocking up. “I have about 6 months worth of maple syrup but I don’t know what I’m going to do about the hockey. I guess I’ll have to put the Olympics gold medal game on repeat for a while,” he noted mournfully.

The Canadian government seems to have no intentions of backing down and continues to offer less and less politely phrased advice to disband to the protest-ers. We might soon have to face the reality of living in a world where Canada has completely shut down. This is a reality that many of us are not prepared for, though many couldn’t care less.

We are beginning to see some unity among the protesters though, as key Canadians like Keanu Reeves and Pamela Ander-son are beginning to lead the rev-olutionaries. As of now though, no one can tell where this revolu-tion is heading but Tatler will stay on this story as it develops.

MIE MORIKUBO“It’s really out of our hands and out of [the construction team’s]

hands,” commented Head of School Bernie Noe. Due to what Noe has termed “totally unforeseen circumstances,” reoccupation of Bliss Hall has been postponed indefinitely.

As they were double checking a plumbing line (connecting to the bottom floor girls’ bathroom) the construction team uncovered what appears to be a fossil.

Though it has not been formally identified (a full excavation will be required for that), preliminary investigators suspect that the fossil is a type of raptor.

A Renovation Update

Canadians too want their voices heard.Canadian Twitter Revolution as it unfoldsBreaking News:

We might soon have to face the reality of living in a world where Canada has completely shut down.

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The State of Bliss

Canada’s facebook page. It’s a big deal. It gets heated sometimes.

Photo by Simone Alicea

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Tatler Staff2010–2011

Tatler is a student-run publication and therefore is not reviewed by the school administration prior to distribution. As student journalists, we recognize and hope to fulfill our responsibility to follow journalistic standards. The opinions in Tatler do not necessarily reflect those of all students and faculty of Lakeside Upper School. We encourage readers to submit their opinions by means of a letter to the editors. We will not print any anonymous letters, and we will withhold names only upon request. Submit or letters to the boxes of the editors or email us: ross.smith@lakesideschool.org

Editor-in-Chief Managing EditorDesign Chief

Ross SmithMax KnappSimone Alicea

NewsOpinionsLife & CultureSportsEntertainment

Editorial StaffMie MorikuboQuinn McGourty-HollandLucia Childs-WalkerJay BensalAlex Curtis

Advisor Colleen Kyle

news PollsPhotosCopy EditorWeb EditorPublisher

Susie NeilsonWhitney BestNishka MittalBen BlumsteinLogan Kerr

WritersAlec Glassford, Aran Khanna, Francis Wilson, Henry Cleworth, Isabel Skilton, Ishani Ummat, Jani Adcock, Maddie Weinstein, Max Chen, Oliver Krengel, Paulina Glass, Serena Williams, Shelly Bensal, Tedros Alemayehu

ALEC GLASSFORDWith college admissions sea-

son wrapping up, the College Board has announced that, in a radical departure from previous policy, colleges will apply for students this coming fall.

The SAT-administering orga-nization, which has over 5,700 member schools, announced in a press-conference on March 17 (to a group of two-hundred or so reporters, parents, and students who had been forced to come but were sticking around for the food) that this change had been “a long time in the making.”

The Board explained, “The number of colleges has grown so much in the last decade, that it just makes more sense this way. Students will continue to take the SAT and be graded on schoolwork, but colleges will take care of all the applying, fretting, and competing.”

Nancy West, Dean of Admis-sions at Harvard University, commented that schools are al-ready feeling the impact of the change.

“I never knew how stressful this stuff could be,” she related as she returned to her office af-ter a meeting with her college counselor. “We feel like Harvard is pretty competitive academi-cally, but we’ve got to work on our extracurriculars and get all our service hours approved be-fore fall.” The conversation then ended abruptly, with West cit-

ing a need to get an early start on application essays.

Other schools are not nearly as on top of the application process; when asked for an in-terview, a representative from Whitman College responded, “I don’t want to even think about this stuff until, like, at least Oc-tober.”

On the other hand, Lake-side students have been tak-ing the change well. Alex Wade (’12) was “relieved” at having the load of college-applications lifted from his upcoming year, but noted that “this is a change they should have made a long time ago.” However, he outdid his own exasperation with his anticipation for the fall, adding, “now I can spend my senior year working hard on schoolwork and enriching my learning ex-perience!”

Other Lakeside students have echoed these sentiments, though some have expressed annoyance with over-eager colleges already trying to schedule visits to their houses. After the third phone call during our interview, Mori-el Behar (’12) burst out in rage, “It’s barely spring! Don’t they have anything better to do?!”

The popularity of Lakeside students has been confirmed by several colleges, though Bel-levue College added that “Lake-siders tend to be our ‘stretches.’ We do have to be realistic.”

FRANCIS WILSONIn a dramatic move after run-

ning out of students, sports teams, and small woodland ani-mals to suspend, the Judicial Committee, the penal magis-trates of our fair school, have decided to set an example for Lakeside’s repeat offenders and vagabonds by suspending itself.

In an astonishing example of self sacrificing justice, the Ju-dicial Committee gathered in the secret catacombs under Red Square and solemnly declared itself suspended for two weeks.

This most recent verdict comes to us after the Judicial Committee’s suspension of the too-happy cast of The Fiddler on the Roof for excessive use of vodka on school property. For this blatant violation of the Community Expectations, the next dance and musical have been cancelled. As further pun-

ishment, bottle dancing now shares the ignominious spot with freaking on the banned dances list.

Rumors that the Judicial Committee has reserved a five star resort in Tahiti to serve its time are completely unfounded and are being fervently denied by the administration.

Already, a substitute for our council has been determined. To replace the Judicial Commit-tee during their brief hiatus, the administration has excit-edly announced that a computer known as “Hal” be used.

To operate Hal, one merely types in the name of the offend-er, and the machine will decide on the appropriate punishment. Early tests have been promis-ing, showing the machine mir-rors the Judicial Committee almost perfectly, with a 99% suspension rate. The only errors

have occurred when Hal has been inputted during assembly, as a noise sounding suspiciously like furious applause seems to scramble its circuitry.

Some progressive thinkers have advocated that the entire judicial process be removed completely and replaced with wonders of the modern world like Hal.

Changes are brewing for the Judicial Committee, which is hard at work dreaming up more creative punishments for the scum of this school. When Grand Inquisitor Peter “Ham-mer of Justice” Lessler (’11) was asked about any alternatives to suspension in the future, he said only these words: “Whips. Whips and chains.” In addition, Julia “Iron Maiden” Schlaepfer (’11) cryptically intoned, “In-nocence proves nothing. Quotas must be met.”

A Reversalof Roles

Judicial CommitteeSuspended

Image courtesy of Ishani Ummat

Image Courtesy of Ishani Ummat

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74%

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Image Courtesy of Ishani Ummat

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life and cultureYou predicted the future.Oliver Krengel responds.

The human condition is something of a constant, but in the future there'll be hovercars.

I won’t disagree with this first point. The second point, however, is downright stupid. You shouldn’t have dared to type that response into your computer ignorant poll-taker. HOVERCARS WILL NEVER EXIST. Why do so many envision the future to contain them? If we had the tech-nology to create hovering vehicles, why on earth would we maintain the structure of an automo-bile? The closest thing to a hovercar that might ever exist would be a nostalgic futurite’s model of his ol’ Ford customized to hover.

My Ranking: Impossible

Communist polar bear invasion. WE NEED BEAR TRAPS!

Who knows what’s going on deep in the north? Honestly, I wouldn’t be surprised if Iorek Byrni-son led his Svalbardan army across the sea into North America. Until then, you won’t be able to convince enough people to start mass-producing bear traps in the USA. Hope for the best, pre-pare for the worst.

My Ranking: Pretty Plausible

Everyone will be a generic brown and race as we know it will fade away.

If humans continue to breed the way we do now, and somehow we make it past 2012, I think this is a very wise prediction. Furthermore, if 21 December 2012 obliterates the human race without also doing so to the earth, we will all be mud. In that case, we will all be generic brown and race as we know it will fade away. So….

My Ranking: Highly Probable

I think it will get harder, then Senior Spring will make it easier, then it'll get harder again.

Given that you are obviously a stressed-out underclassman, I can guarantee you that your first two clauses will come true. I can’t quite give a guarantee on the third. Here is a more optimistic view: technology is making the world a much easier place to live in. Transportation and commu-nication are already many orders of magnitude faster than they were a century ago. And your existence as a brainless slave in a machinarchy will be much easier than Senior Spring. Also, if the apocalypse comes, not being alive anymore will be very easy. The first two clauses are definitely inevitable, but…

My ranking: Plausible

Giant Badgers. Everywhere.

Giant badgers could, without a doubt, be created in the future. Will they be everywhere though? Strictly speaking, no. But with the insane genetic modifications needed to make a badger “giant”, who says there couldn’t also be one that would make them reproduce at an alarming rate.

My Ranking: Possible

Cybernetics and transhuman modification. In short, freakin' awesome.

Actually, transhuman modifications are a thing of the present. Many former amputees now have fully operational artificial limbs, and soon Theo Todd’s wrist will be a plasma rifle. As for cybernetics, I expect they’re just over the horizon.

My Ranking: Nearly Inevitable

TATLER EDITORSTatler is the epitome of jour-

nalism. It perfectly strikes the balance between humor and seri-ousness, local and international, and emotional and analytical. However, even though Tatler is undoubtedly the guiding light of the Lakeside community, few realize the arduous process in-volved in creating any of these small fragments of enlighten-ment.

To begin the monthly pro-

cess, the Tatler staff sacrifices a freshman to the journalistic gods. Once the gods have been appeased, they drift down from the heavens and fill out the holy mastersheet, sending the staff a divine message, giving them subjects for their articles. Once they have communed with the gods, the writers promptly begin their voyage to the nth dimen-sion, where they discover every fragment of information on any topic that ever existed or ever will exist. Unfortunately, reveal-ing too much of this information causes the world to divide by 0. The Associated Press Stylebook explicitly prohibits this.

For this purpose, Tatler has editors in place to ensure that such a tragedy does not happen. With unquestionable wisdom and fabulous good looks, they examine the article, transmute

the writer’s epiphanies into Eng-lish, and then read their articles to the skies, praying for the gods’ approval.

Upon this, Ross Smith (’11) descends from the skies, ac-companied by the minor deities Max Knapp (’11), Simone Alicea (’11). Each of them then swiftly delivers judgment; Smith strikes down foolish writers whose articles were written without enlightenment; Knapp annihi-lates any who refuse to follow

deadlines; Alicea and her swarm of cherub designers takes the information and compounds it into an artistic collage of knowl-edge and beauty.

Tatler is then grown from the Tats trees, which are sustained with the finest diet of Refectory Odwalla in the ravine behind the library. However, do not attempt to enter the Tatler grove with-out permission. Our resident sphinx, Colleen Kyle, lies in wait for any trespassers, letting only those who answer a gauntlet of questions regarding journalism enter the holy realm. You have been warned.

After harvested by Logan ‘Dangleberries’ Kerr (’11), the Tatler is then read by you, the reader, whose life is promptly transformed by the enlightening experience of reading the paper. You’re welcome.

An inside look into Tatler

Photo by someone | Last year’s Tatler class. The seniors you see in this photo have been sacrificed. We use their blood to make the ink for each issue.

Tatler is the epitome of journalism.

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TATER | Life and Culture

PAULINA GLASSHe says never say never. But can

it really be true? Is Bieber really walking among us? The answer is yes. It has been confirmed. It’s true and fact. Blake Seidner (’14) is Jus-tin Bieber.

Justin Bieber admitted in a re-cent press conference that school on the road really wasn’t effective enough. He wanted a good educa-tion. He surveyed thousands of schools, fully aware that he could go to any school of his choosing, and he chose to settle down in Se-attle, at Lakeside School. He had his crew devise an alias and create a disguise (though it was a pretty poor one) and settled into academ-ic life here at Lakeside.

It is all falling into place. The time that “Blake Seidner” spends “swim-ming” is actually time spent in re-hearsal. He doesn’t take Chorale because he doesn’t want to blow his cover. But with the signature hair flick, someone would’ve figured it

out sooner or later. It is even rumored that the smash

hit “Baby” was actually written for freshman Nikhil Khanna.

Bieber is scheduled to take to the famous and prestigious assembly podium on Wednesday and clear up all the rumors. Sources tell us that he’s going to pull off his wig to reveal a strikingly similar head of hair, then announce “I’m tired of living a double life,” as his dear friend Miley Cyrus once did. In the official address, all of our questions will be answered.

But there is one burning issue that comes along with the reveal. What to do with all those rabid Bie-berholics? Is he safe? Ever since ad-mitting to the press, random girls have been showing up on the cam-pus seeking to breathe the same air that he has breathed.

Don’t worry. All of the Lakeside security guards have undergone rigorous training to prepare for this day, and they are keeping the

screaming girls from disrupting our academics.

“Yes, I do have Bieber fever,” ad-mits Bernie Noe, Head of School. “When Justin said he wanted to at-tend, well, I jumped at the chance.” Mr. Noe has framed his auto-graphed Justin Bieber t-shirt above his desk, and demands that Bieber pay his tuition in private concerts for the faculty and staff. “My fa-vorite song is ‘U Smile’, because whenever I see that boy’s angelic face, and hear his pre-pubescent crooning, I do smile. And then he smiles and we’re all smiling. I call that magic.”

My World 2.0? Try My World 4.0. Yes, Bieber is getting a 4.0 here at Lakeside. He has achieved the un-achievable. The world is his oyster. Why? Because he’s Justin Bieber.

Part angel, part cupid, part god, part siren and ALL Lakeside. Next time you see him walking down the hall, treat him well. All he wants is “Somebody to Love”.

I saw my friend stealing a candy bar from the refectory. I confronted him/her and they dismissed me, saying, "It's only a dollar". I don't want him to get in trouble but I don't like it when people steal food. What should I do?

Your friend is actually quite right. By the “It’s Only A Dol-lar” principle of ethical decision-making, established in the late 1940s by cutting edge ethicists at several top research universities, stealing anything that costs less than a dollar is not only ethical but morally obligatory. In fact, due to inflation, current ethicists recently modified the rule to “It’s Only Two Dollars and Seventy Two Cents.” By paying for candy you are diverting money to buy-ing forks that could otherwise be donated to an animal shelter to save a bunch of cute, starving kit-tens. Not only should you avoid interfering with your friend’s no-ble act of justice, but you should begin to pillage from the refec-tory all items that cost less than $2.72: cereal, muffins, candy, yogurt… etc. Just be wary of the “lunch-line” camera that was in-

stalled a couple years ago. The kit-ties will thank you.

At what point is talking

about a test against the rules? I talk to my buddies about the difficulty level but not about the actual content. Is that wrong?

Not only is it wrong, but it is one of the most morally reprehensible acts a person can commit, sec-ond only to the act of igniting a fire in a crowded orphanage. Any information you convey about the test to anyone from another section ruins the fabric of trust that we have so proudly instilled in our community. Therefore, on test days, make sure you bring a full set of armor to school, heavy enough to prevent you from mov-ing and conveying messages to people through body language. The helmet should cover your head completely to prevent any communication through facial expression, and you should avoid speaking for the day so as to not give clues through voice intona-tion. This is the only way that test taking can continue to be a just process.

Secret Bieber!Photo by Whitney Best

The UNEthicist

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MAX CHENHere at Lakeside, we’re already

well into the spring sports sea-son, and we all know what that

means. Soccer, lacrosse, baseball, tennis, track, and crew have all kicked into high gear for a season of hard work and tough compe-tition. What most people might have forgotten about though, is that Lakeside has chosen to dedicate a significant amount of funding to two new equally, if not more, physically demand-ing sports than those currently a part of the athletic program, both of which involve trading cards.

That’s right—starting from the 2011-2012 school term, Lake-side will begin to offer some of the most strenuous and difficult sports in all of history—Yu-Gi-Oh and Pokémon. Lakeside students have long complained about the grueling months of dif-ficult training required for one to play chess, but once these two (completely legitimate) sports hit the athletic scene, they’ll be in for a heck of a ride and there’s no turning back.

Yu-Gi-Oh is a sport that’s been

making waves in the athletic community for literally millen-nia now. Other than requiring more focus than wrestling, more

dexterity than tennis, and more stamina than soccer, Yu-Gi-Oh forces athletes to reevaluate their perception of athletics. One can only begin to imagine the tre-mendous struggle one endures during a Yu-Gi-Oh match, aptly referred to as a Duel. If Dueling is anything like it is in the Yu-Gi-Oh TV series, a slight attack on your life points can hit you with a crippling pain like no other, render you paralyzed, or even send you to the dreaded Shadow Realm.

In addition to giving the WIAA medical release a whole new meaning, Yu-Gi-Oh brings an unparalleled level of intensity to Lakeside’s athletic program. There are no words to describe the feelings of triumph when one Special Summon produces four monsters to combine for a total of 8400 ATK, or the crushing sen-timent of defeat inflicted upon an opponent when their full-blown assault is devastated by the stop-

ping power of Mirror Force. Athletes will be both delighted

and livid due to the fact that the newly created Pokémon team does not compete using the Poké-mon electronic games, but with the Pokémon trading cards. The advantage to this is that the defi-nite majority of the student body already owns Pokémon trading cards, however there isn’t a single person on the planet who actu-ally knows how to play the Poké-

mon trading card game. While official Metro League Pokémon tournaments consist of not Poké-mon battles, but competitions based on the sheer number of holographic cards one owns (and Charizards do not count), there is much prestige to be had in the Pokémon trading card realm. Ru-mor has it that instant captain-ship will be awarded to anyone who can pull a Vaporeon on their first try from a booster pack.

It can be said with a great deal of certainty that the arrival of these new sports will not be met with much opposition. According to a staggering number of surveys conducted by reliable sources, the amount of students who would rather participate in these fresh, new sports was, on average, “a really big percentage”, and statis-tics do not lie. What do you think they canceled squash for?

Trading Card Games to Replace “Conven-tional” Athletics Next Year

Move Over, Pansies

Once these two sports hit the athletic scene, they’ll be in for a heck of a ride.

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8 arts

Ladies and gentlemen...BAND NAME HERE

Draw or color in your own arts section!

Draw your own album cover!

Never Say Never? No, Always Say Friday.

Image Courtesy of Blogspot

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Ladies and gentlemen...

ILLEST vILLAINS LEAgUE

MADDIE WEINSTEINThe omnipresence of social me-

dia has created a wonderful world of opportunity in which anyone with a video camera and ten min-utes to spare can achieve instant fame by appealing to the increas-ingly and incredibly receptive au-dience that hungrily awaits new YouTube content. The viral popu-larity of Rebecca Black’s video “Friday” is a classic American suc-cess story of a hardworking girl who, through sincere talent and passion brought fun, fun, fun, fun to the nation’s weekend.

“Friday” is much more than the catchy tune that gives it its surface appeal; it is an anthem for teenag-ers everywhere who must wake up at seven and “gotta have their bowl, gotta have their cereal” pri-or to attending school. It is an ed-ucational song, reminding us that

“Yesterday was Thursday / Today it is Friday / Tomorrow is Saturday / And Sunday comes afterward.” It gives us the confidence to, make it through our school days and get down on Friday night for the par-tyin’, partyin’ of our lives, at least assuming our awkwardly dancing friend is by our right..

Not only is her content rich with meaning, but even her language is steeped in poetry. She provides a perfect recipe for artists every-where who realize they only have two minutes of lyrics for a three and a half minute song with her genius repetition of words. Just in case you didn’t hear her the first time, or the second, or the third, she will remind you a fourth time of the fun, fun, fun, fun ahead.

But despite her apparent lyri-cal genius, some may question whether Rebecca can ever com-

pete with the Numa Numa guy or Justin Beiber. People may suggest that she is just a passing phase, and will lose popularity and even-tually vanish from existence like jeggings. But here’s some news to you doubters - the industry has recognized Rebecca’s talent, and with her new recording contract, the thirteen-year-old is only just launching what is sure to be a pro-lific and profound career.

So sometime during the hype of your weekend, after you make up your mind as to whether you’re going to kick it in the front seat or sit in the back seat, find time to reflect on Rebecca’s story, on what makes America the land of op-portunity that it is. Rebecca is an inspiration to us all of us who are trying to figure out which seat we should take.

Never Say Never? No, Always Say Friday.

ALEX CURTISThe Illest Villains League is going to save hip-hop, enough said. Much has been written and discussed about the dying state of a

once vital art form. It seems that people have become tired of the hackneyed, packaged industry music that popular artists have been churning out for years now. But, the Illest Villains League, also known as the I.V. League, is here to change the face of the game, for good.

Not much is known about the group but we do know that it’s fronted by creator/producer/spiritual leader Backpack, and supported by a solid roster of rappers including Spleezo, WolfPaws, Wizard of Oz., Da Degenerate, Black Kerouac—quite possibly the most cleverly named of all group members—Predator, Seamus, T-Mo, MC Yung CheatSheet and J-Willz.

All members have their unique and valuable place in the clique. Perhaps most notable is the ultra-tangential and occasionally brilliant WolfPaws. His content might be erratic in terms of quality, some even speculate that it’s because he is actually part Wolf and part Man, but when he shines, he’s the brightest star in the whole pack. His extremely long verse on underground club banger “Suicide Cult (666)” is a great example of this trend. With his stream of consciousness flow and various pop culture references lead to hilarious, breakout moments on the track—“I’m leaving, stacking inter-galactic cactus in a mattress” or “Mastering judo with Gandhi on Pluto.”

The group sprang from the dregs of obscurity earlier last month when they recorded an acoustic cover of “Sandwitches,” a song by alternative hip-hop crew Odd Future Wolf Gang Kill Them All—who will be reviewed in next month’s issue. Even before that they had been making and releasing original music. Their first known song is “F**k You 20th St.,” which to the surprise of no one, is a diss track intended towards the 20th St. Crew, presumably the rap collective operating out of the nooks and crannies of Capitol Hill.

The I.V. League is an enigma. Not much is known about this mysterious and captivating group of young rappers, producers, film-makers and visual artists other than the creative and challenging music they release. They describe their own style as “Satanic Pseudo-Heavy Neo-Hip-Hop Swagcore,” perhaps as satirical commentary on the excessive over-categorization of music, but also as an accurate representation of the music itself. There are elements of Satanic worship—Backpack, Spleezo and WolfPaws gives a shoutout to the man downstairs on the popular track “Kill Your Kids”—as well as clear parody of the bland mainstream rap market, hence the “pseudo-heavy” swag tag.

But there is more to the I.V. League than a series of descriptions. In actuality, these villains are more “post-rap” than anything else. They’re too witty, too sarcastic, and too smart for the rap game. They’re able to see through the facade of big named personas and the supposed status associated with fame. Their latest single, “Dom Pérignon” pokes fun at the specific kind of mentality that has been slowly atrophying hip-hop music into nothingness. By not taking themselves too seriously, they’re singlehandedly subverting what it means to be rappers, and more importantly, what it means to be hip-hop in the 21st century. The I.V. League is a juggernaut to be reckoned with, running crashing through the walls of close mindedness and useless posturing. Perhaps more importantly, they’re focusing instead on the kind of distilled creativity and freedom that graces youth culture only once, maybe twice a generation. The day is still young for these fresh villains, and dare I say it, it’s time to get ill.

Image Courtesy of Blogspot

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Welcome to April’s Fieldhouse Frenzy! In honor of April Fool’s day, we mixed up the writers a lit-tle bit. Oh, I suppose I shouldn’t have told you guys that. Read on, as our writers, discuss the Hus-kies, the NFL lockout, and finally the Mariner’s chances at winning it all this baseball season.

1. The Huskies and #coldblood-ed Isaiah Thomas lost to UNC in the second round. Do you see a lot changing with Tony Wroten and Hikeem Stewart coming to UW next year?

VERHOVEK: I have a sneaking suspicion that Tone is going to go off next year, but I also have a sneaking suspicion that the Hus-kies are going to find a way to fin-ish with 11 losses and get beat in the second round of the tourna-ment next year. The Huskies al-ways have an excess of talent but they never seem to find a way to play to their full potential. I also have the feeling the Hikeem is going to find a nice warm spot on the bench next to Brendan Sher-rer. The only difference that I see between Hikeem and Brendan is a 2.0 point difference in their re-spective GPA’s. That said IT will average 25 points and hopefully only 1 or 2 drive-the-lane-then-wildly-dish-the-ball-out plays. But year after year Romar is able to achieve some level of success in the postseason; I don’t think next year will be any different.

MALARKEY: The loss was un-fortunate, but although I had expected UW to beat UNC I am not surprised that they are no longer in the tournament. I think next year we will be an even more powerful team. With young tal-

ent coming in, Ross stepping into a larger role, and Isaiah leading them all, it could be a dope year.

KRENGEL: Yes, more points scored for the Huskies and prob-ably fewer points scored against us.

MCANDREWS: I think, though he was inconsistent, MBA will be a big loss. That said, if Aziz learns to make a layup or a dunk without losing the ball on the way up, we might be alright! I also look for-ward greatly to the development of IT, CJ Wilcox, and Terrence Ross, and I do think that Tony Wroten can contribute his Fresh-man Year. We will probably be hot in the beginning of the season, then lose to terrible teams, and then somehow win the PAC-10 tournament.

2. What Lakeside athletes/teams/results/events have sur-prised you the most this spring season? It could be good surprises or bad surprises!

VERHOVEK: Word on the street is that Tyler Gregg is tear-ing it up for JV tennis with a 4-0 record, holy smokes. Also I have to give a shout out to the boys baseball team who took down Se-attle Prep 7-4 and have won their first four Metro league games. For some reason the baseball teams consistently gets no love, it’s very sad. I also look forward to seeing Carter Appleton and the boys soccer team in the playoffs this year, those May soccer games are some of the craziest sporting events I’ve attended in my time at Lakeside.

MALARKEY: The crew team... is so large... Why??? Granted (thank

the lord), I have never spent a mo-ment on an erg or hours of my life talking about my time on the erg, so I don’t have a complete per-spective. I just don’t understand why so many people slave away on machines for a fickle endor-phin high. Maybe I never will, but that would be fine by me.

KRENGEL: Rookie tennis play-ers Sean Carr and Kyle McAn-drews made varsity and are spanking their opponents harder than their balls!

MCANDREWS: The baseball team is doing work! Who would have thought, 5 and 2 in metro and actually beating prep!

3. The NFL lockout has been a hotly debated topic in the past month. Do you see the owners as exploiting their players, or should the players finally stand up for their rights?

VERHOVEK: Look, we all just want to watch some football. As a fan I find it increasingly annoy-ing that the players and owners can’t come to some sort of agree-ment. For me personally, I would just put Marshawn Lynch in one of those meetings and let him go beastmode on all of the NFL own-ers, PLAYTIME!!! But I think now is the time for the players to start asserting themselves and for the owners to start making conces-sions, otherwise this thing will still be going on in mid-July, and my chance to claim my fantasy football crown will be lost for-ever.

MALARKEY: Here is what you have to know about football; watching the games is extremely entertaining, but as soon as any-

one associated with the game begins speaking, you generally want to mute the television. Sure there are exceptions, but the ma-jority of players and coaches are not people you want to hear from. So I don’t find myself overly con-cerned with all the hype around the lock out. Many players get paid exorbitant amounts while some get the shaft. Ideally, lower players will hopefully get paid more and the top ones less.

KRENGEL: It is hard for me to sympathize with either group because they both make tons of money, but I suppose I would rather see the players come out on top of this kerfuffle because they are sacrificing their bodies to a degree that isn't expected of any other athletes anywhere.

MCANDREWS: All I know is I am buying my UW husky football tickets right now!

4. Spring training is under-way and the Mariners currently boast a new, taller pitching rota-tion led by Cy Young winner Fe-lix Hernandez. Will the Mariners win more games this season, or do you expect to see more of the same as last season?

VERHOVEK: The Mariners in the past few years somehow find a way to win between 65-80 games, it’s just what they do, and they do it very well. Now I’m all in favor of good pitching, you’d be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t agree that it wins you World Series, but in reality, the Mariners will never have a shot to even compete in the AL West if we don’t get someone to put

in the middle of the lineup and drive in runs. We have one of the best leadoff hitters in the history of baseball, but when you have Russell Branyan hitting .198 and Milton Bradley throwing tem-per tantrums in the dugout, you aren’t going to win ballgames. I love Felix, he is the bomb, but at some point you have to stop and say, wait…don’t we have to score runs? Hopefully some of these young guys like Dustin Ackley will step up and fill the void, but I don’t see the M’s getting a whole lot better.

MALARKEY: Unless Jack Wil-son is playing, baseball is really low on my list of spectator sports. Unless, of course, you are physi-cally going the stadium. In that case, there are a few musts when you attend an M’s game. On the way in, get one large kettle corn bag, but make sure is fresh and warm. Also nab on polish dog, I recommend grilled onions and cheese as toppings. Once inside, avoid Kidd Valley and DipNDots. They are both overrated and not good, I don’t care if its the ice cream of the future. You gotta go for garlic fries and lemonade. Top it off with peanuts delivered via long distance throw and you will have a delightful baseball experi-ence.

KRENGEL: They will win way more games this season, because they just lost so many last season, I don't see how they could possi-bly do that poorly again.

MCANDREWS: After asking an inside source, I have concluded they will win more games. Due to stellar pitching and the occasion-al run, we will be alright.

JAY BENSAL|Welcome to Lion of the Month for April! This month we take you inside the minds of tennis superstars and brothers, Jonathan (’12) and Da-vid (’14) Yu. Read on, and enjoy!

Jay Bensal: First things first, who’s better?

David Yu: Jonathan. JB: Jonathan, would you like to

respond to that? Jonathan Yu: No, but I definite-

ly think I’m quicker off the block in basketball. David might be a little bit better than me at soccer. Actually that’s false, I’m better at soccer too.

JB: David, what’s your favorite part of the high school season?

D: Wait, high school? Like ten-nis season?

JYU: Why don’t you just use an interview from Andre Agassi, and just copy whatever he said? No I got it! Pete Sampras and Andre Agassi had a long rivalry thing, just copy one of their interviews.

D: Or Bob and Mike Ryan, they’re the best doubles tennis players in the world and they’re brothers, just use one of their in-terviews!

JB: Do you think you guys are

going to compare to Bob and Mike Ryan?

D: No. JYU: Our plights might be sim-

ilar.JB: Do you guys have any pre-

match superstitions? D: No. JYU: Yes.JB: How do you two prepare for

games? JB: Would you say Jonathan

has been a good or a bad influ-ence?

D: A good influence.JB: Would you care to elabo-

rate? What’s he done to help you in your transition to high school?

JYU: Alright, we’re done with this Jay. David you’re giving one sentence answers- I don’t know about these.

D: Alright, why don’t you ask Jonathan?

JB: Jonathan, could you reflect on going to school with a younger sibling?

JYU: No. I’m just trying to en-joy my lunch right now, and you are just nagging me and nagging me with these questions.

JB: Why didn’t you guys do the “Oh sh*t, I forgot my pants”

spirit? JYU: Yeah David, why didn’t

you do the spirit? D: It was too cold. D: Well, why didn’t you do the

spirit Jonathan? JYU: It’s a match; I have to fo-

cus on the match. JB: Jonathan, do you give your

brother a lot of advice before matches?

JYU: Yes.D: That’s a very good question

Jay, but let me ask you, what ad-vice has your sister given you about soccer?

JB: Okay moving on, what are your guys’ goals this season? A Metro Doubles Championship?

D: Here’s the thing Jay, when we’re out on the courts, we play.

JB: Okay, second to last ques-tion, what other players should we look out for this season?

D: Terrence Ross really devel-oped as a good player. I could see him playing a big role on the team helping out Isaiah next year.

JB: Do you have any parting words for the readers?

JYU: [takes a bite of his lunch] D. No, not really.

Fieldhouse Frenzy

Lion of the Month

TATLER

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ISABEL SKILTON“I’m on a boat, I’m on a boat,

take a look at me cause I’m sailing on a boat!” The chant kept ringing in my head as I walked out of Saint Nicks from assembly. Although my thoughts mainly rested on the hilarity of the OLOT announce-ment, a skeptic part of me kept questioning the location.

There were both advantages and disadvantages to having OLOT on a boat, “It you have OLOT on a boat the people who attend are forced to stay for the entire time, but also, people who don’t want to stay for the entire dance will sim-ple not attend in the first place” commented Sam Behrens (’11). Also, having OLOT in a confined space like a boat created some un-comfortable crowdedness but at the same time, because the space was limited it gave the percep-tion that more people were at the

dance. That’s not to say that few people went. According to Lupe Fisch 370 people attended OLOT. “This was the largest attendance for OLOT I’ve seen in all my years at Lakeside,” she stated.

Despite the complaints of a few students concerning their inabil-ity to leave OLOT early because it was located on a boat, it was the boat itself that made OLOT such a success. “I loved the fact there were two floor levels on the boat,” commented Morgan Richmond (’12), “it allowed those who didn’t want to dance to just sit and talk or play board games.” This among many other benefits of having OLOT on a boat, such as a fully equipped snack bar and an outside deck to enjoy the scenic lights of the city, made this dance not only one of the most popular since the freaking ban, but also isn recent Lakeside history.

OLOT: On a Boat

JAY BENSALWhile most students are pack-

ing up and heading home, ex-hausted after a long day of school and sports practices, a dedicated few stick it out at school, often af-ter sports practices of their own, staying an extra couple hours to play their sport. One that requires as much teamwork, chemistry, stamina and effort as much as any other. Welcome to Lakeside Ulti-mate.

The “Loins” as they are known, are composed of two single-gender teams each playing their regular season games and tournaments, though they join forces for Spring Reign in the…well…spring.

The girls team, captained by Claire Revere (’13) and Lucia Childs-Walker (’11), is already off to a strong start, bettering their record from last season, though only having played four preseason games so far. Last year, they were unable to notch a victory in a re-building year, and had a plethora of new players. This year, after tying their first game against Nathan Hale, their prospects are looking bright.

Sophomore captain Claire Re-vere describes the girls team as “easy going, relaxed, excitable,” while junior Joseph Min described the team as “young, chill, legit, and boss”.

Though the girls’ regular sea-son record was poorer than most, they played well in tournaments, grabbing 3rd at States and 4th at Western Nationals. The boys also

finished 3rd states, an impressive result considering the number of seniors they lost from the year be-fore.

The boys team, captained by Ross Smith (’11), Gus Kitchell (’12) and Preston Ossman (’11), are also looking to build on last year’s results, leading a roster of about twenty-eight, to many vic-tories this season.

Tactics wise, seven players are on the field at a time, with about three designated “handlers”, and four designated “cutters”. Couple the running the “cutters” do with an often implemented man-to-man defense, and it’s easy to un-derstand the sport’s reputation as being tiring.

The captains can do nothing to but agree with the sport’s reputa-tion of a lot of running, and de-scribe it as most comparable to soccer; nevertheless, “it’s a great time” says captain Claire Revere, and also “great to try, if you have some extra time.”

Players to look out for this sea-son include Sammy McGanney (’13) and Eileen Bates (’13) on the girls team, and Brian Masterson (’12) on the guys team, who is bet-ter known for his blazing fast mile times, though rumor has it he’s a force out on the Frisbee field too.

As the sun creeps out of its cor-ner, and the days turn longer, look for more players to start throwing a disk around on the quad during a free, or even after school. If you’re ever bored, I’m sure they’d love to have you join them.

MAX KNAPPAs the media of the world be-

comes more and more expansive, art takes more and more forms. We can synthesize music almost entirely on a computer or pho-toshop pictures into whatever we want them to be. However, the world of digital sculpture is rapidly growing into something beautiful and addictive. I’m talk-ing, of course, about Minecraft.

Skeptics will denounce Mine-craft as “just a game”. However, those who have used this art form understand the true pow-er of this new medium. Unlike some forms of art, where any

necessary supplies are available in a catalog or store, Minecraft’s sculptures are even more beauti-ful because of the hours spent whittling away at rock to find veins of coal and iron to produce an artistic vision.

The possibilities within the program are vast. I, personally, have created a floating house made of pure glass as a reflection on the social strata of our soci-ety. On youtube, there are many accounts of wooden cabins be-ing burnt to cinders, a brilliant critique on the instability and preciousness of success. People have recreated Picasso, Michel-

angelo, and Rothko in wool, cob-blestone, and lava.

As Minecraft becomes more of an accepted art form, be ready for entire museums to be formed. Lakeside is already plan-ning on purchasing a sever for the Arts Department, to make room for a cutting-edge course in artistic Minecraft. When asked about what would be done about creepers Al Snapp, head of the arts department, promptly erupted into rage and became unavailable for comment. It was later revealed that a creeper had exploded next to his house, de-stroying his solid-gold wall.

Mining for Aesthetics

Lakeside Frisbee

TATLER | Life and Culture

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life and cultureSIMONE ALICEAImagine yourself as an elf. Not

one of the little ones who work in Santa’s workshop, but a strong, brilliant elf, with half of a mil-lennium and a wealth of magic awaiting you. Now imagine your elf-self going on adventures, res-cuing your companions or per-haps falling into a pit of oil.

That could never happen, could it?

Yet every Thursday at 3:30, students at the Lakeside Middle School are getting together to do just that. Dungeons and Dragons, first introduced in 1974, is a live role-playing game where players not only create characters, but create their own stories and ad-ventures in which to play.

Players of Dungeons and Drag-ons, D&D for short, sometimes get a reputation of being “nerdy” or “geeky.” Combine that with Lakeside’s already-nerdy reputa-tion, and you would expect these meetings to consist of a small group of sweaty, pre-teen boys crowded around a board on a ta-ble.

However, those sorts of ste-

reotypes don’t hold at the Middle School. The club’s popularity has increased in the last couple of years since Benton Gordon (’14) started the club in 2009. The club now sports 23 students ranging in grade from 5th to 8th and so-cial clique.

“Last year,” said John Newsom, faculty advisor to the club, “we had 16 students, and it was most-ly eighth-grade girls.”

Newsom went on to comment that the diversity in interest might stem from the fact that the game is based in the art of role-playing. Gordon agreed that his favorite part of the game was cre-ating his character’s back-story and acting the way the character would. An intelligent construc-tion of characters can produce a rich story within the game.

“It’s really fun to see a quiet sixth grader make a big, evil character,” Newsom noted. Ap-parently, making evil characters is relatively popular among the players.

So say you do want to imagine yourself as an elf, and you de-cide to head down to the Middle

School to see what it’s all about. On a typical Thursday, the arts room is comprised of three tables with three groups of eager-to-cre-ate students at each table. One of the students, or sometimes John Newsom if the need arises, is the Dungeon Master, and he or she sets up the adventure or quest for that day. During game play, situa-tions arise and choices and align-ments are made.

“Once we were all stuck in a pit filling with oil, and we had to figure out what to do,” Gordon re-called, laughing at the memory. “I decided to run out, closing it on my way, then I jumped over the pit, then I opened it again.”

Gordon was surprised by the club’s popularity, but perhaps there is an appeal in games that are not online. There is something refreshing in the act of creating stories and solving problems face to face with your friends.

Can we expect a D&D com-munity to form at the Upper School anytime soon? It’s possi-ble, according to Gordon. So who knows? You just might get to be that elf.

SUSIE NEILSONDearest readers, we’re gettin’ pseudoscientific this month. Enjoy.Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)Due to a relatively high concentration of “senioritis” particles in the at-

mosphere around campus, you may find yourself feeling the urge to slack off academically. Unfortunately, your teachers will be in particularly unforgiv-ing moods, so don’t succumb to your feelings of laziness!

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)A recent study conducted by the NDAH (The Neilson Department of

Aquatic Horoscopes) revealed that those of the Pisces persuasion were 1.2 times more likely to feel “a little weird” in the month of April. So it’s perfectly natural to be feeling strange, as long as it’s not too strange.

Aries (March 21 – April 19) A disproportionate number of Aries babies will be born this month, ac-

cording to several studies. What an interesting and unpredictable correla-tion! So Aries, you’ll be especially interested in adorable newborns for the next several weeks. Awww.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) Little baby Taurae are on the way, but you probably won’t see any yet. Get

excited, though – your turn is next!Gemini (May 21- June 20)An electrical storm on Uranus will leave Gemini feeling quite shocked

and disconcerted, so seek guidance in the form of counselors, friends, and pets. If necessary, seek wellness in acupuncture or in other forms of holistic therapy.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) Mars was incredibly rude to Venus in March, leaving most Cancers three

times more likely to seek out romantic comedies and sweet foods. Dark choc-olate is high in antioxidants and lower in saturated fats, so – screw it, you’re most likely a teenager if you’re reading this. Eat whatever you want.

s were bribed in this study.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)No amount of horoscopal guidance will prepare Leos for this month, in which

they will dress incorrectly for the weather 85% of the time no matter how hard they try to predict, outwit or reverse-psychology it. Tough luck.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)Anecdotal evidence shows that Virgos have great Aprils. One Virgo respondent

to the Neilson Questionnaire claimed that “Aprils are fun because my family always has April game nights!” Another said that “April is the month in which flower children like myself flourish”

Libra (September 23 – October 22)Approximately 1/12th of Libras undergoing surgery get it done in April. Good

luck if that number includes you, and remember to wear your birthstone (an Opal) into the operating room; Hermes and the planets will smile upon your pro-cedure.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)It is believed that a Scorpio coined the phrase, “April showers bring May flow-

ers.” As revenge for this terrible cliché, Scorpios will have continuous nightmares about hailstones the size of the 1620 Mayflower throughout the month.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21) Sagittarius? More like Sag -ittarius! Prepare to notice saggier and baggier skin

this month, Archer pals! This horror story can be turned around, though, with some Olay® firming cream! Amazing results were noted by 84% of participants* in as little as one week. Get yours at a local mall today!

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19) Capricorns are twice as likely as any other Zodiac to be struck by lightning

during April. Granted, there were about 29 deaths due to lightning in the United States in 2010, so you’re still not likely to be smote by the mighty hand of Zeus – I mean, by the purely rational scientific process of electrical charges building up in the atmosphere, or whatever it is. Congrats. Just don’t tell Zeus.

*84% of participant

Your month’s agenda according to the stars, as interpeted by Tatler.

You’re welcome.

Dungeons & Dragons

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TATLER 12

opinionsISHANI UMMATIn the wake of the revolutions

and protests that have been plaguing the North African and the Middle East regions, the gov-ernments of world superpowers have some decisions to make. With public eyes on both the revolu-tions and the inter-national responses that they provoke, the pressure is on for each country to de-velop a clear stance. The United States has made its stance official, with a recent decision to attack and disable Qaddafi’s air force in Libya. Af-ter the Security Council voted in favor for a no-fly zone over Libya, more became clear about Russia and China’s responses; both ab-stained from the vote.

The delayed response from Rus-sia about international affairs has

earned some criticism, mainly due to the fact that the Russians were focused on evacuating their officials and diplomats in the concerned countries. Russia has treated these revolutions with caution, involving themselves

very little in the process as of the time of writing.

In addition, this crisis might covertly benefit Russia and their energy sales. Presenting them-selves as the only reliable supplier of raw materials such as oil could

easily improve Russian and Euro-pean relations and energy sales.

The time when Russia was di-rectly involved in world affairs has long passed. The Cold War left the Russians with a tendency towards an isolationist policy,

and they limit much of their involvement to the United Nations Secu-rity Council. It’s imperative for the Rus-sian economy that they don’t involve them-selves in ar-eas that could break out into

civil war. These revolutions hard-ly affect Russia, because Russia never had any real influence in them. Remembering that the So-viet Union lost more than $100 billion in lending money to keep countries communist, it would be

in their best interests to just stay out of it.

China is not beyond the in-ternational scrutiny either. The Chinese government has earned much disapproval for their re-peated neglect of human rights, especially with respect to African countries.

For all China’s involvement and investment in the resources

of other countries, shouldn’t they be more concerned about the welfare of those countries’ citi-zens? If China wants to become a superpower, it must shift part of its focus from just internal de-velopment, to international con-cerns. In the human rights era, an emerging power cannot afford to just ignore the people of the world, nor their plights.

Polls!Your thoughts, your numbers, your voice

If you had to choose one, would you rather live

only with day or night?

Day 75%

Night 25%

Do you believe that the envi-ronment has any inherant

value?

Yes 95%

No 5%

At this point, I don’t think that firing missiles would have been the decision I would have made, but nonetheless, something must be done, and I have respect for anyone who can step forward and put their plan into action.

Not a good move on the part of the United States. The United States has a tendency to follow through or to take the leading role in many such projects. However, it has been a part of one too many. It should have allowed the French and British to send the majority of forces in and only provided supplies and support in case of major war.

Yay! When a government (or single leader) starts employing its military against its own people, something needs to be done. I’m glad it’s not just an effort by the United States, like it has been in situations in the past, but a global decision and attack.

CRY, RANT, EAT, SLEEP, then do it all over again. Kind of like a breakup. But worse.

It was frustrating at first, but I realized it was kind of relaxing to not have to think about reading and reply-ing to dozens of emails for once.

Listened to rebecca black

Cried a little. Moped about. Continually clicked re-fresh until the glare from the screen had my eyes wa-tering. Woke up each morning, hopefully, only to have my hopes annihilated by a red message informing me i couldn’t send emails. It was truly a life altering experi-ence, one every lakesider should go through.

NO HOMEWORK/SO MANY EXCUSES. PARTY.

What did you do while the email server was down?

What do you think of the U.S.’s involve-ment in Libya?

The governments of world superpowers have some decisions to make.

”“

Libya, China, and RussiaWhat are they going to do now?

Photo courtesy of Asianews.net

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TATLER13

TATLER | News

SERENA WILLIAMS

Tatler’s Serena Williams takes a moment to talk with Isabel Skil-ton, president-elect of the stu-dent body. Skilton will officially take leadership next fall.

Williams: How does it feel to

have won?Skilton: It feels good! It feels

like a lot of hard work has paid off. I am honored to have been chosen, and it means a lot to have the support of the student body.

W: Compared to the platform

that Tiffany Lieu ran on last year in the student government presidential election, how much do you feel was actually accom-plished this year?

S: Tiffany ran on experience and the goal to complete an alumni network connection. Her idea was to get a way for students

to contact Lakeside alumni and shadow them for a day – a seg-way from student life to real life. We tried to work with a woman named Kelly Poort, but the whole process was delayed because it was difficult to get contact with her. We finally have a list of alum-ni, though, so the idea is picking up momentum. It should be ac-complished by mid-spring if ev-erything goes as planned.

W: What is the first thing you plan to do as president?

S: The first thing I plan to do is to take on the PE requirements idea. In the fall, I really want to focus on it because big goals like this usually take a lot of steps. We can’t completely eliminate the PE requirement for student ath-letes, but the idea is that varsity athletes won’t have to go to PE on game days. This way, we don’t totally undermine the mission of PE but it alleviates some of the stress on game days. Student ath-letes can then use that free to do homework in case they get home late from their game that night.

W: What other ideas do you have for next year?

S: We have an idea to get people able to sign out of school on the Souk instead of going to the of-

fice to sign off on paper. The only problem could be during fire drills since Libby (Weick) normally just grabs the sign-out clipboard and heads out to the quad.

W: Do you think you realisti-cally will be able to get under-classmen off campus?

S: It’s kind of an unreasonable promise – we’ve tried for five years and each time the adminis-tration has come back saying that we want to establish a good sense of community (because they don’t want people always leaving for lunch). There is also the issue of liability in case someone was hurt going off campus, and the administration wants to keep it a senior privilege.

It’s not worth spending the en-ergy on when we could be working on other more promising ideas. However, if the student body says they really do want it, I will try my hardest to get underclassmen off campus. But at the same time I feel there are more important things to be done.

W: Any surprises to expect from Student Government this year?

S: May Day is going to be awe-some. But you’ll have to wait and see.

Isabel Skilton:

President-Elect Isabel Skilton | Photo Credit Whitney Best

Lakeside’s Student Body President-Elect

The Month in ReviewMarch

March 4, 2011Protests contin-

ued in Libya and Colonel Muammar el-Qaddafi attacked rebels including un-armed protestors.

March 10, 2011White House announced

5-point plan (not including mili-tary action) to aid opposition of Col. Qaddafi despite predictions that Qaddafi will ultimately maintain power.

March 11, 2011An 8.9 magnitude earth-

quake struck off the coast of Japan prompting a tsunami that devastated northern coastal cities. Earthquakes also damaged several nuclear reactorsresulting in a nation-wide nuclear crisis.

March 12, 2011The creation of a no-

flight zone over Libya was requested of the UN Security Council by the Arab League.

March 15, 2011NCAA March Mad-

ness: tall men who do not do crew.

March 19, 2011A military campaign

from air and sea against Col. Qaddafi was launched, with US support, under French and British direc-tion. The UN Security Council approved this ac-tion the day before.

March 20, 2011Egyptian voters approved a referendum, sup-

ported primarily by the Muslim Brotherhood, for constitutional change by a majority of 14.1 million to 4 million. The military council cur-rently in control has promoted a rapid timeline, with presidential elections possible in August. Developing, urban-centered liberal parties wor-ry about the non-secular leanings evidenced by this vote.

March 25, 2011The United Arab Emirates

joined the airstrikes against Col. Qaddafi.

March 29, 2011President Obama defended

action in Libya pointing to ap-parent success.

With a death toll over 11,000, more than 17,000 people miss-ing and radiation seeping from damaged nuclear reactors into water sources and air, Japan is facing its worst disaster in re-cent history.

The music video of “Friday” by Rebecca Black reached over 64.7 million views. Um…what.

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TATLER

Tatler Staff2010–2011

Tatler is a student-run publication and therefore is not reviewed by the school administration prior to distribution. As student journalists, we recognize and hope to fulfill our responsibility to follow journalistic standards. The opinions in Tatler do not necessarily reflect those of all students and faculty of Lakeside Upper School. We encourage readers to submit their opinions by means of a letter to the editors. We will not print any anonymous letters, and we will withhold names only upon request. Submit or letters to the boxes of the editors or email us: ross.smith@lakesideschool.org

Editor-in-Chief Managing EditorDesign Chief

Ross SmithMax KnappSimone Alicea

NewsOpinionsLife & CultureSportsEntertainment

Editorial StaffMie MorikuboQuinn McGourty-HollandLucia Childs-WalkerJay BensalAlex Curtis

AdvisorColleen Kyle

PollsPhotosCopy EditorWeb EditorPublisher

Susie NeilsonWhitney BestNishka MittalBen BlumsteinLogan Kerr

WritersAlec Glassford, Aran Khanna, Francis Wilson, Henry Cleworth, Isabel Skilton, Ishani Ummat, Jani Adcock, Maddie Weinstein, Max Chen, Oliver Krengel, Paulina Glass, Serena Williams, Shelly Bensal, Tedros Alemayehu

news

JANI ADCOCKSHARP. This mysterious ac-

ronym is whispered around the Lakeside campus, but few know what the name means, let alone what the group actually does.As cool as a Super Hipster Alien Rap Party would be, SHARP is in fact the Student Hiring Applicant Re-view Panel.

SHARP began in 2007 when Student Government created the committee to bring a student perspective to the hiring process. Initially run by the vice president and staffed entirely by student government members, in 2009 SHARP became an autonomous group and opened to all Lakesiders via a rigorous app lication. Since then, the group has helped hire

the new food coordinator, global service coordinator, substitutes, teachers, and a variety of other faculty and staff positions.

When the hiring process be-gins, Robin Johnson, the human resources director, selects around ten applicants based on their re-sumes. Bernie Noe and the rel-evant department head narrow the pool to three candidates with phone interviews. Lakeside then flies in each prospective, often from as far away as Mongolia, Taiwan, and China.

Sarah Tran (’11), SHARP’s current head, stressed, “A lot of people don't realize how arduous the interview process is for candi-dates. They get here at 7:30 in the morning and they're here the en-tire day until four, and then they go to a dinner…so really it’s like a 12 hour interview.”

The department head then chooses one to two sharpies to help. Tran explained, "Basically you're just providing a student

perspective. You meet with all the candidates, you have lunch interviews with them, and if it's a teacher you go to their demo classes.” The sharpies compile a report on the applicant and send it to the involved department head. The department head, Than Healy, the department teachers, and Robin Johnson then consider the student feedback and make the final decision.

Sharpies are looking for more than just a knowledgeable teach-er though. They consider not only what, but how, a candidate teaches. One of Tran’s favorite demo classes was about the Nazi era—taught through wartime music. Tran praised the lesson, "I thought that was a creative way to relate to kids and show the idea of what they're learning in a different way than you would see in a textbook.”

Sharpies also check whether applicants have, as Tran puts it, “a diverse interest. Could they

be here as a teacher, but also as a club leader, as a lacrosse coach…Could they be compatible with the Lakeside culture?” She con-tinued, "a lot of people don't real-ize that at Lakeside…on a certain level, we think of our teachers as peers…sometimes people are re-ally jarred by the fact that they're getting interviewed by students. Teachers must be prepared to meet their students outside of class, support them as an advisor or coach, and even be challenged by them.”

The process doesn’t just test the candidates, but the sharpies as well. They represent the stu-dent body and must sell Lakeside so that, after the grueling inter-views, whoever Lakeside chooses wants to come. "It can be hard and it takes a lot of energy, and you have to be peppy the whole time,” said Tran.

For weeks at a time, sharpies miss many classes. When Lake-side was searching for a new

global service director, Tran met all three candidates in one week, and on top of that had three col-lege interviews. “By the end of the week, I’d lost my voice,” she said, with a rueful, but proud, smile.

Tran maintains that despite the stress and time commitment, SHARP is an amazing experi-ence. She explained that, "meet-ing new people in general is really fun, because they have sweet new stories and unique backgrounds.” Sharpies develop personal rela-tionships with lakeside faculty and influence who their future teachers may be.

Bryan Smith also offered praise to the committee, "I'm really proud of the program, I think it's another really great way for stu-dents to be leaders. I've never seen another program like this at other schools and I hope lots of students apply.” The program is open to sophomores through se-niors, and application takes place in Fall.

A sharp Program

Photo Courtesy Teodora Vlaicu

Photo Courtesy Dora Pete

SHARP scissors | Photo Courtesy Dora Pete

Photo Courtesy Dora Pete

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VOLUME 76 • EDITION 8 Friday, April 1, 2011

TATLER Lakeside School’s 100% student written, edited, and reviewed newspaper | Since 1934

In This Issue...OpiniOns

Page 13life And CulTure

spOrTs

Page 10ArTs

Page 9

Page 11

HENRY CLEWORTHStarting this April, tolling

will be implemented on the 520 floating bridge. The bridge is a key regional route for com-muters and freight to and from Seattle and Bellevue, with more than 190,000 people and roughly 115,000 vehicles cross-ing Lake Washington every day. The current bridge now serves twice as much traffic as originally planned and is quite vulnerable to inclement weath-er conditions. To address this issue, the toll revenue will go towards construction of a new bridge capable of withstanding earthquakes and windstorms, complete with six lanes, shoul-ders, and a path for pedestrians and bikes.

Construction begins this spring and the new bridge is to be opened by 2014. The tolling on the current bridge will be completely electronic, eliminat-ing any possible slowdowns,, and reducing collisions as much as possible in comparison to tollbooths. This “pay as you go” approach means lower financing costs and lower toll rates.

A helpful and key attribute to this new tolling arrangement is the “Good to Go” tolling pass system. To receive a pass, you must sign up for a Good to Go account, and then place the pass above your rearview mirror. The tolling system will scan your pass and/or your license plate when entering the bridge and will deduct the correct amount from your pre-paid account. In addition, you may use the Good to Go pass on any other tolled facility in the state. The account can be used for multiple vehicles, so it is highly recommended for families with more than one or two drivers.

The tolls on the 520 bridge will vary by time of day – lower during off-beat drive times and higher during rush hours. If you’re a regular commuter, driv-ing to Lakeside from Bellevue each day of the week, explore options such as carpooling, transiting (there will be an extra 130 bus trips each day), or taking I-90. Despite the fee, eventually all commuters will appreciate a new bridge where you don’t feel like you’re swaying across your lane whenever it rains.

These are the costs of crossing the 520 bridge once tolls take effect. Prices differ from busy or “peak” hours to slower or “off-peak” hours. Prices do vary slightly on week-ends and holidays so think before you drive! Information courtesy of the Washington State Department of Transportation.

TimeCost (each way)11PM-5 AMFree5-6 AM$1.60 6-7 AM$2.80 7-9 AM$3.50 9-10 AM$2.80 10 AM-2 PM$2.25 2-3 PM$2.80 3-6 PM$3.50 6-9 PM$2.25 9-11 PM$1.60

Are you “Good to Go”?Construction and tolls on the WA-520 bridge

and how they will affect you

Photo by Simone Alicea | The 520 bridge will remain a pretty signt under the rainbow even after tolls take effect. Hopefully the new bridge, open in 2014, will be just as pretty.

What’ll it cost ya?

Polls! Your thoughts, your numbers,

your voice

Lion of the month!

David Yu

It’s mInecraft.

Ladies and gentlemen...ILLIST vILLIANS LEAgUE