anger and stress

7/31/2019 Anger and Stress

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What Is Stress?

Stress is your body's way ofresponding to any kind ofdemand. It can be caused by bothgood and bad experiences. Whenpeople feel stressed by somethinggoing on around them, theirbodies react by releasingchemicals into the blood. Thesechemicals give people moreenergy and strength, which can bea good thing if their stress iscaused by physical danger. Butthis can also be a bad thing, iftheir stress is in response tosomething emotional and there isno outlet for this extra energy andstrength. This class will discussdifferent causes of stress, howstress affects you, the differencebetween 'good' or 'positive' stressand 'bad' or 'negative' stress, and

some common facts about howstress affects people today.

Survival Stress - You may haveheard the phrase "fight or flight"before. This is a commonresponse to danger in all peopleand animals. When you are afraidthat someone or something mayphysically hurt you, your bodynaturally responds with a burst ofenergy so that you will be betterable to survive the dangerous

situation (fight) or escape it alltogether (flight). This is survivalstress.

Internal Stress - Have you evercaught yourself worrying aboutthings you can do nothing aboutor worrying for no reason at all?

This is internal stress and it is oneof the most important kinds ofstress to understand and manage.Internal stress is when peoplemake themselves stressed. This

often happens when we worryabout things we can't control orput ourselves in situations weknow will cause us stress. Somepeople become addicted to thekind of hurried, tense, lifestylethat results from being understress. They even look forstressful situations and feel stressabout things that aren't stressful.

Environmental Stress - This is aresponse to things around youthat cause stress, such as noise,crowding, and pressure from workor family. Identifying theseenvironmental stresses andlearning to avoid them or dealwith them will help lower yourstress level.

Fatigue and Overwork- This kindof stress builds up over a longtime and can take a hard toll onyour body. It can be caused byworking too much or too hard atyour job(s), school, or home. It canalso be caused by not knowinghow to manage your time well orhow to take time out for rest andrelaxation. This can be one of thehardest kinds of stress to avoidbecause many people feel this isout of their control. Later in this

course we will show you that youDO have options and offer someuseful tips for dealing with fatigue.

Physical and Mental Signs ofStress

You've heard before thatrecognizing when you are understress is the first step in learninghow to deal with your stress, butwhat does that mean? Sometimeswe are so used to living withstress, we don't know how toidentify it.

Whether you are experiencingimmediate or short-term stress orhave been experiencing stress fora long time or long-term stress,your body and mind may beshowing the effects. Here aresome 'warning signs' that stress isaffecting your body and mind.

Physical and Mental Signs ofShort-term Stress

Often occurring in quick 'bursts' inreaction to something in yourenvironment, short-term stresscan affect your body in manyways. Some examples include:

Making your heartbeat andbreath faster

Making you sweat more

Leaving you with coldhands, feet, or skin

Making you feel sick toyour stomach or giving you'butterflies'

Tightening your muscles ormaking you feel tense

Leaving your mouth dry

Making you have to go to

the bathroom frequently Increasing muscle spasms,

headaches, fatigue, andshortness of breath

While this burst of energy mayhelp you in physical situationswhere your body needs to reactquickly, it can have bad effects onyour mind and performance ifthere is no outlet or reason foryour stress. These effects mayinclude:

Interfering with yourjudgment and causing youto make bad decisions

Making you see difficultsituations as threatening

Reducing your enjoymentand making you feel bad

Making it difficult for youto concentrate or to dealwith distraction

Leaving you anxious,

frustrated or mad Making you feel rejected,

unable to laugh, afraid offree time, unable to work,and not willing to discussyour problems with others

Physical and Mental Signs ofLong-term Stress

Long-term stress or stress that isoccurring over long periods oftime can have an even greater

effect on your body and mind.Long-term stress can affect yourbody by:

Changing your appetite(making you eat either lessor more)

Changing your sleep habits(either causing you tosleep too much or notletting you sleep enough)


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bothering you, rememberthat you are more likely toget sidetracked whendiscussing an issue if youare angry. Taking notesbefore the conversationmay help you steer thecourse of the conversation.

Focus on the solution,

not just the problem - itis fine and useful toidentify what made youangry. However, it is muchmore important to focus onways to resolve theproblem.

The word "I" is moreconstructive than theword "You" - when givingpraise, the word "You" isgreat. However, when youare angry or resentful the

word "I" tends to achievebetter results.

Don't hold on toresentment - holding agrudge against somebodycan only fuel your angerand make it harder tocontrol it. It is important tobe realistic and accept thatpeople are the way theyare, rather than how youwant them to be. Many ofthe strategies mentionedhere, such as expressingyour anger, are more likelyto help resolve your anger,compared to holding agrudge.

Humor - don't give in toharsh, sarcastic humor;that's just another form ofunhealthy angerexpression. Good humorcan sometimes dissolveanger and resentmentfaster than anything else.Humor is a fantasticweapon and also a gift.Even if it means justlaughing - as long as thereis no risk ofmisinterpretation - yourmood can change for thebetter rapidly. Somepeople find that justremembering a funny joke,or imagining themselves orthe other person in a silly

situation gets their mindaway from the anger.

Timing - if you and yourpartner find your eveningdiscussions tend to turninto rows, possibly becauseyou or both of you are tiredor distracted, change thetimes when you talk about

important matters. In somecases the fights at thattime of day initially startedbecause you were tired ordistracted, and over timesimply became a habit.

Proper breathing - justas anger can increase yourbreathing and heart ratesand tenses up your

muscles, you can learn toreverse this by deliberatelyslowing your breathing andsystematically relaxing andloosening your muscles.

As soon as you feel thoseshallow rapid breathscoming on, which tend toaggravate anger, takeaction to redirect yourbreathing. If you can,spend 15 minutes focusing

on relaxation - it can workwonders.

o Take several slow

and long deepbreaths in a row.

o Spend twice as long

exhaling asinhaling.

o Count slowly to four

as you inhale.o Then breathe out

slowly as you count

to eight.o Make each breath

deep and slow, andfocus on where theair is going.

o Your inhalation

should start fromyour belly, thenyour lower chest,and finally yourupper chest. Feelyour ribs open up

when you fill yourlungs.

o When you slowly

exhale feel yourribs coming back tothe originalpositions - exhalecompletely.

If at any time you feel oddor slightly dizzy go back tonormal breathing for acouple of minutes.

Sleep - try to get at least 7hours good quality sleepevery night. Sleep iscrucial for good mentaland physical health. Sleep

deprivation has beenlinked in many studies tomental, physical andemotional health problems- including anger.

Reneau Peurifoy

FromAnger: Taming the Beast

Myth 1: Its Healthy to Vent Anger.

Many people believe that venting ange

expressing it either verbally orphysicallyis healthy, if not necessaryThis myth is often used to justify pooranger management. While the ventingof anger can have value in a limitednumber of situations during therapy, itis usually notproductive in everydaylife. First, taking action while you areangry tends to increase your anger andlead to inappropriate and self-defeatingbehaviors. Second, acting out anger (inthought, word, or action) inhibits yourability to develop an effective plan for

overcoming the threat that firsttriggered your anger. Anger is anemotion that needs to be acted upon,not acted out.

As I have described previously,emotions are triggered when our needsand wants are either met orthreatened, or when we experience aloss. Venting your emotions takes yourfocus off of the needs and desires thattriggered them and causes you to


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focus on the emotion. While this maytemporarily lessen the tension, it doesnothing to address the problem of howyou are going to meet your needs anddeal with threat or loss effectively.

Myth 2: Responding to Anger withAggression Is Instinctual and CantBe Helped.

Several popular books have arguedthat violent behavior is geneticallyprogrammed into human nature and isa natural part of anger. But theconsensus of researchers is that this isnot true. While emotions are indeedpart of our genetic make up, thespecific emotion that is triggered in agiven situation is determined by ourinterpretation of the event: Whether aneed is being met or threatened or aloss has occurred. More important, thebehaviors we exhibit in response to our

emotions are, for the most part,learned.

Different behaviors can clearly be seenin the ways that Sharon, David,Carmen, and Alex each respond to athreat: While Sharon and David tend tobecome angry and aggressive, Alexand Carmen tend to become passiveand experience anxiety or depression.

Myth 3: Its Normal to BecomeAngry when Frustrated, Helpless,

or Confused.

Frustration results from a situationwhere a need or desire is not beingmet. Putting money into a vendingmachine and receiving nothing, forexample, is a situation where a desirefor a candy bar is being frustrated.Helplessness is the inability to dosomething necessary to meet a needor desire. If someone you love issuffering and you do not have theability to help, you are helpless in

regard to their situation.Confusion

results from not understandingsomething. If you are trying tocomplete a tax form but cannotunderstand it, you are confused.

Each of these situations could triggeranger, fear, sadnessor no response.The particular emotion we experienceis determined by our interpretation ofthe event. It will not always be anger.For example, you might respond to aconfusing tax form with anger or

anxiety. Either of these responseswould be normal since a failure to paytaxes can result in a real and well-defined threat. In contrast, you mightrespond to a joke that causesconfusion with laughter. This responseis also normal since this type ofconfusion is a form of play. At thesame time the confusing plot of amystery novel might provoke only aheightened interest. Since theconfusion of a mystery novel isexpected and a form of recreation, littleemotion other than interest isexpected. Thus confusion can trigger avariety of responses depending uponwhether our needs are being met (aswith the joke or mystery novel) orthreatened (as with the tax form).

Ancient Wisdom Regarding Anger

A quick-tempered man does foolish

thingsProverbs 14:17

A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a

harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs

15:1

A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension,

but a patience man calms a quarrel.Proverbs 15:18

Better a patient man than a warrior, a

man who controls his temper than one

who takes a city. Proverbs 16:32

A mans wisdom gives him patience, it is

to his glory to overlook an offense.Proverbs 19:11

Better to live in a desert than with a

quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.

Proverbs 21:19

An angry man stirs up dissension, and a

hot-tempered one commits many sins.

Proverbs 29:22

Refrain from anger and turn from

wrath; do not fret it only leads to evil.

Psalm 37:8

If your enemy is hungry, give him food

to eat

If he is thirsty, give him water to drink

In doing so, you will heap burning coals

on his head, and the Lord will reward

you. Proverbs 25:21-22

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