Ancient Medical Treatments

10 Chilling Ancient Medical Treatments

• It is amazing to me how much suffering people have endured in the name of furthering medical science. From the first Stone Age medicine man until now, trial and error and superstition has played such a major role in medicine that were it not for the last hundred years, we have probably killed much more than we have cured. Some of the medical treatments you are about to read will shock you, and make you very happy that you were born in an era that is finally able to follow its own advice and "cause no harm." Well, at least they cause less harm than they used to.

10 Bloodletting

10 Bloodletting

• A hole in the head is the oldest form of surgery. Bloodletting is the oldest known medical procedure. Back in the day, they used bloodletting to treat almost everything from diseases to wounds and even heartburn and acne. They would drain your blood or have it sucked out with leeches. This practice was used until the very early part of the 19th century. George Washington supposedly died of a sore throat; however, many believe it was the bloodletting treatment that actually killed him.

9 Clysters

9 Clysters

• Look at the size of that...!

• A clyster is an old style of enema. Clysters were very popular back in the old days and were a favorite pastime of King Louis XIV who would hold court while receiving them. The usual fluid plunged in was lukewarm water, though sometimes medical concoctions were used, such as thinned boar’s bile, vinegar, and later liquid Tobacco.

• While it still has its uses in today's world, there have been several deaths reported in recent years of alcoholics who used enemas to administer booze. The problem is that it does not take very much to do the trick and they did not know enough to stop. When you drink or take drugs, some or most of the drug is screen by the liver before it can be dissolved into the stomach lining or get into the bloodstream. The intestines, however, absorb the drugs (or alcohol) directly into the bloodstream through the intestinal walls, which are absorbent.

8 Cesarean Section

8 Cesarean Section

• The cesarean section, more commonly called a C-section today, was only performed on women who were already dead or if it were believed that she were dying anyway. It was not until the 19th century that c-sections were done optimistically saving both mother and child.

• In the annals of [LINK=/10-of-the-crapiest-jobs-in- history]history[/LINK], there is only one case that has been recorded where a husband performed a c-section and his wife survived. She even went on to have more children naturally, including one set of twins. It was in the 15th Century, the man's name was Jacob Nufer and he loved his wife dearly. He had to get permission from the local authorities to perform the operation and the only thing that he had going for him was his knowledge of animal anatomy. Way to go, Mr. Nufer! You can bet that his wife was relieved as she had already endured several days of labor and had worn out thirteen mid-wives.

7 Circumcision

7 Circumcision

• I know of a mother who saved all of her five son's circumcised foreskins and had a wallet made from them. It comes in handy during long trips because if you stroke the wallet, it grows into a suitcase. Ba da boom.

• Circumcision has been around for a very long time. There are cave drawings from early man depicting circumcision but most people, whether circumcised or not, have very little knowledge of why it is done. Several centuries ago, there was often a good chance of a child getting an infection leading to death or loss of the penis.

• In today's medical world, there have been reports of death due to circumcision complication in one out of every 1,000,000 cases. Other studies show that most of the nerves that promote pleasurable touch are in the foreskin that is cut away during circumcision leading to the argument that uncircumcised men enjoy sex more than their cut counterparts do. In another study, circumcised men are far less likely to contract HIV. Either way you look at it, there are pros and cons.

6 Bladder Stones

6 Bladder Stones

• There is no way you could have convinced me to go see a doctor for bladder stones or gall stones if I lived back in the day. The treatment for stones was to cut them out. If that was not bad enough, the method for doing so was. The patient would lie upside down on a doctor's aide. Other helpers would hold your legs down behind your head. Basically, you are upside down with your ass in the air. The doctor would push down with his left fist into your testicles to force your bladder into place and push his right hand into your anus. He would "feel" around until he found the stone. Once it was located, he would make an incision two fingers above your anus and cut the stones out, pulling them out through the incision or through your anus; whichever hand had the better grip. Then they would bleed several pints of blood out of your body to reduce the chance of infection.

• If you are ever at the doctor's office and he says that you have bladder stones that will not pass so they are going to remove them the old-fashioned way, kick him in the nuts and run, screaming from his office. I know I will.

5 Cataract Removal

5 Cataract Removal

• First recorded as being performed by the Hindu Indian surgeon Sushruta, it is also mentioned in the Bible and other Hindu records. Sushruta did not remove the cataracts at first but simply slit the eye so that he could drag the cataract down and the patient would sometimes expel it through the nasal cavity. Later, Muslim ophthalmologist Ammar ibn Ali developed the first syringe and sucked the cataracts out of the eyes. The patients would be unable to see clearly before glasses were developed but could see better than with cataracts.

• Do you want to know if you are developing cataracts? At night, cover one eye and look at a streetlight. Cover the other eye and look at a street light. If you see a halo around the light with one eye and not the other, check in with your ophthalmologist.

4 Hemorrhoids Treatment

4 Hemorrhoids Treatment

• For those who do not know, a hemorrhoid is when part of the intestine has been forced out of the anus and becomes inflamed. Amazingly, hemorrhoids have their very own saint. Saint Fiacre is the patron saint of hemorrhoids. As he was farming his land one day, the pain of his hemorrhoids became so uncomfortable that he sat on a rock and prayed for relief. He was instantly cured and it is said that his hemorrhoids left marks on the stone, which are still there to this very day. Thousands of people come and sit on the hemorrhoid stone and pray every year.

• The treatment for hemorrhoids was, at one time, very often worse than the hemorrhoids themselves. The patient was laid over a stone and the physician would grab the hemorrhoid between his fingernails and snatch them off. If this did not do the trick, they would heat an object shaped like a stick with a flat end and burn the hemorrhoid off. Let me see a show of hands of everyone here who would undergo that hemorrhoid treatment. Anyone? Anyone at all? I did not think so.

3 Trepanning

3 Trepanning

• While this might be the oldest form of surgery, you do not need a hole in your head to figure out what a bad idea this is. The cave dwellers did it to repair head wounds and relieve themselves of evil spirits. Now, it is only done to relieve pressure on the brain after a head wound, unless, of course, you are one of those growing number of people seeking enlightenment.

• There are still people around who drill holes in their heads just for the sensation they "claim" to get afterwards. Maybe they are right. Who knows, in twenty years we could all be walking around with our brains in a jar helmet filled with fluid-- being enlightened?

2 Anal Fistula

2 Anal Fistula

• John Arderne has a title that most people would avoid like the plaque. He is known as the Father of Proctology among his peers. To regular people, that means he is the Pop of the poop chute, King of the crapper, Prince of the poo-hole. Yes, he is the daddy of Assholes, if you will pardon my French. Dr. Arderne is the first successful specialist in anal fistula surgery. The tools that he uses in this endeavor look so scary that I would run screaming from the office and enjoy my fistula.

• By the way, an anal fistula is a pus-filled area that eventually surfaces like a boil. They are very painful and can occur in numbers. They are created when the anal gland is blocked, damaged, or infected.

1 Hernia Surgery

1 Hernia Surgery

• If you are a man, an Inguinal Hernia is just about one of the worst things you could do to yourself. The area of the inguinal hernia is in the lower abdomen and encompasses the groin area. A hernia is a protrusion of the abdominal cavity contents into the inguinal canal, which is a canal or space just above and to the right or left of and between the penis (or urethra, in a female) and cremasteric muscle. (Top of the nut) In other words, in the "happy place"…, you know--man land, home of the twins. It is not very much fun when a loop of intestines drops in to visit those two nutty ball-players. The prospect of having surgery there is about as inviting as, oh…say, being invited to skin yourself alive with a dull spoon and pour honey and salt all over your raw muscle while you play in an ant bed that is next to a hornets nest.

• The surgeon, the best being the father of modern day hernia surgery, Edoardo Bassini, would cut into the lower abdomen and separate all the inner workings there to expose the canal. He would push the intestines back into the upper cavity and rebuild the canal wall. It was an amazing leap into the future of modern surgery considering it was the 1800's and the survival rate before him was next to nothing. Thank you Dr. Bassini! The amusement park known as man--land is open for business and the rides are as good as new!

10 Chilling Ancient Medical Treatments

Mike Brown

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