an adapted quick list - harlingen consolidated … adapted quick list ... take a collection of...

An Adapted Quick List By Gretchen Bernabei

Model this process as students follow along on paper: Number your paper down the side, 1-12 For 1, 2, and 3, write down words or phrases that remind

you of moments in your life when you helped someone else For 4, 5, and 6, write down moments in your life when you had to struggle in

some way For 7, 8, and 9, list things you know how to do For 10, write a memory involving an animal—someone’s pet, a wild animal, or any

animal memory. For 11, write a memory involving a gift you gave someone else For 12, write down a time when you were thrilled to know you had a great

friend

Now choose any three of these memories that you wouldn’t mind letting other people hear about. Put a star by the one you’d choose to talk about first.

Debriefing 1. Of all the millions of moments you’ve experienced in your life, the one you put a star by bubbled up to the top. Why do you think that happened? 2. After any of these moments, were there some things in your life that you understood differently? (Could these be expository topics?) 3. Can you connect any valuable life lessons with one of these memories?

Now let’s choose a topic to write about. It is probably the topic you starred above, but in case you find that you don’t have a lot you can say about that topic, you have 11 others you can try instead!

Variations 1. Have students suggest additional categories for memories. 2. Take a collection of released test prompts from previous years and have students

match them to topics on their quicklists. 3. It’s easy to turn a memory into a piece of fiction. Students can pluck something from

their quicklists and change whatever they want, creating fiction or outright fantasy.

Note: Show students how a topic from this quicklist might be used to write a personal narrative, but with a little thought about what this topic means to you, the same topic might be turned into an expository essay topic. Ask, “What is my opinion about this topic? Is this a topic that I can explain to other people and use my story to support my opinion about the topic?”

Other Quicklist Topics: A time you were disappointed in your friend Things your mom or dad do for you and you have never thanked them for it The parts of school that are most important to you Sports you have tried and found you were successful at it Sports you have tried and found you were not successful at it People you know who have fought in a war Parts of your life that would change if robots took over the world Good and bad things about robots taking over the world Good and bad things about living in the U.S. Good and bad things about having money Things you do to pass time when you are bored Movies that have taught you an important lesson Things you are afraid of Places you’d like to visit Things that are dangerous Things that can make you sick Things that can make you healthier Things you wish you knew about _______ (a topic, such as the solar system, flowers, the Civil War, the Alamo, etc.) Things you know how to make Problems you have tried to solve Times you have felt confused Times you have noticed a problem Times you have tried to change something Times you made a mistake Things you wish you hadn’t done People who have had a positive influence on your life Things that were hard for you to learn Times your friends pressured you to do something you didn’t want to do Times your friends pressured you to do something positive People who are heroes in your life Ways your friends would describe you

Enthusiasm Map By David Lee Finkle

from Writing Extraordinary Essays

Most students have special interests, but they often don’t think of them as topics for writing. Often, they are also unaware of how the things they are interested in are connected to each other—hence, the idea of an Enthusiasm Map (see Figure 2.2 on the next page). It is kind of a stream-of-consciousness way of brainstorming topics to write about. I model it for students on the board or overhead before I have them do it. They usually dive in with, well, enthusiasm. This is completely nonlinear. Students may follow one category all the way down to a very specific topic, or they may list several categories around their name from the start, and enthusiasms. On my map, for example, I have connections between Cartooning and Movies, Group Games and Teaching, and “Peanuts” and theology. The challenge is for them to come up with everything they can possibly think of that interests them, and then to see how their different interests relate. When students know their enthusiasms, they can write about them all in different ways. They can explain why they like something, describe how to do something, persuade other people to like it, compare something they like to something else they like or hate, or write a narrative about it. They can even defend their enthusiasms when they come under attack. I ask my students to update their map periodically since they may be developing new interests. As a class, we delve into this list whenever they need an expository topic.

Note: Show students how a topic from this Enthusiasm Map might be used to write a personal narrative, but with a little thought about what this topic means to you, the same topic might be turned into an expository essay topic. Ask, “What is my opinion about this topic? Is this a topic that I can explain to other people and use my story to support my opinion about the topic?”

Writing in a Small Space As adults, we are often required to write reports, an explanation, a description, or documentation, and we are given a small amount of space or a limited number of words to accomplish that task. It is a real-life skill to be able to describe an event in a concise form.

Many professions require adults to write reports. Policemen, insurance appraisers, journalists, news reporters, business managers, paramedics, investigators, teachers, nurses, and most government jobs (as well as doctors and lawyers, of course) are just a few of the jobs that require report writing.

In addition, when we apply for grants, loans, university programs, and when we fill out job applications, we are often asked to write one paragraph (with a limited number of lines) explaining how the money will be used or why we are qualified for the program or job.

According to the University of California Berkeley Career Center:

Writing is an almost universally required professional skill, particularly in service industries such as finance, insurance, and real estate -- growing employment sectors that are likely to generate many new jobs in the coming decade. Corporations in these areas reported that 80% or more of salaried employees have some responsibility for writing.

According to one human resource director, "All employees must have writing ability. ...All instructions are written out. Manufacturing documentation, operating procedures, reporting problems, lab safety, waste-disposal operations-all have to be crystal clear. As a government contractor, everything must be documented."

More than half of all responding companies reported that they "frequently" or "almost always" produce technical reports (59%), formal reports (62%), and memos and correspondence (70%). Email and PowerPoint presentations are pervasive. "Because of email, more employees have to write more often. Also, a lot more has to be documented."

(~ https://career.berkeley.edu/article/050408b-dm.stm)

https://career.berkeley.edu/article/050408b-dm.stm�

In her on-line article, “Writing Skills: More Important Than Ever on the Job”, Katharine Hansen, Ph.D. says, “E-mail is so heavily and globally used to communicate in the workplace -- replacing the telephone as the primary communications venue -- that unclear, garbled, poorly written e-mails waste time, money, and productivity.”

Here are a few tips she recommends:

• Author Guy Kawasaki advises new workforce entrants to learn to write a one-page report and a five-sentence e-mail. The College Board also suggests brevity and limiting written communication to key points.

• Writing in Toronto's Globe and Mail, Ingrid Sapona exhorts writers to focus on style, organization, layout, and reader-focused writing. The easiest way to address the last point is to "imagine you are telling a story to an intelligent friend," Sapona writes. Use storytelling to establish rapport and avoid dull, tedious prose.

• The College Board's study noted that the most sought-after skills are accuracy, clarity, spelling, punctuation, grammar, and conciseness.

~ (http://www.quintcareers.com/writing_skills_on_job.html) As much as students and teachers may argue that writing a 26-line story or essay is unfair to kids, it is a skill that is necessary in today’s job marketplace.

Expository Text Planning Tools

18 A (i,ii,iii) Create brief compositions that establish a central idea in a topic sentence, include (2-3) supporting sentences with simple facts, details, and explanations and contain a concluding statement.

1. Read the prompt and brainstorm ideas using the t-chart below

2. Choose one idea from your brainstorm

3. Use the attached graphic organizer to organize your thoughts

CONSIDER…

WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…

Office of the Associate Superintendents of Elementary Schools

Use the central idea to develop the introductory paragraph. Be sure to include the following:

• a lead to introduce the central idea and engage the reader

• the central idea in a topic sentence

Write another sentence supporting the central idea. FEED the supporting sentence with one or more of the following:

• Facts • Explanation • Example • Details

Establish central idea in a topic sentence and record it here

Write a concluding statement that refers back to the central idea without repeating the topic sentence.

Write another sentence supporting the central idea. FEED the supporting sentence with one or more of the following:

• Facts • Explanation • Example • Details

Directions for the Expository Essay Brainstorm Chart:

This chart provides a way for students to brainstorm their ideas and select the one idea they have the most to write about and are most interested in.

Take the phrase from the “Write about” portion of the prompt and record it on the left side of the T-Chart under CONSIDER...

Record the phrase from the “Explain” portion of the prompt on the right side of the T-Chart under WRITE THOUGHTS YOU HAVE ABOUT…

CONSIDER… WRITE THOUGHT YOU HAVE ABOUT… One person who has been important What makes that person special to me My Aunt Natalie She babysits me a lot She picks me up after school

My Grandma We go to her house every weekend We bake cookies at her house She has the best dog, Baxter We play Hide-and-Seek inside her big house

My Uncle Jerry We rode go-carts at his house once His kids are older We don’t go there very often Students may fill out the chart by either listing several names, then filling in the right side of the T-Chart for each name, or by writing the name and what makes the person special before moving on to the next name. They should be encouraged to list as many names as they think they can write about before choosing which ideas to take to the planning process. Now students take their best idea (the one they have the most to write about and are most motivated to write about) and move to the Expository Essay Organizer.

Example Grade 4 STAAR Released Prompt:

WRITE about one person who has been important to you. Explain what makes that person special.

Directions for the Expository Essay Organizing Tool:

This graphic organizer begins in the upper left hand quadrant and moves clockwise.

• The central idea affects all the other parts of the paper and so it is written in the center of the paper.

• In the upper left quadrant, students write the introduction to their essay. The introduction ‘hooks’ the reader and includes the central idea of the composition. Sometimes writers get their ideas for a ‘hook’ while writing the body of their essay, so allow writers to come back to this quadrant if an idea does not come to them easily.

• In the upper right quadrant, students record a sentence that supports the central idea. Below the sentence, students can bullet Facts, an Explanation, Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting sentence. Students should be encouraged to use their best ideas from the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their supporting sentences.

• In the lower right quadrant, students record another supporting sentence and think of Facts, an Explanation, Example, or Detail to F.E.E.D. the supporting sentence. Again, students should be encouraged to use their best ideas from the Brainstorm T-Chart to form their supporting sentences.

It’s important for students to read the supporting sentences and the central idea to ensure the supporting sentences actually do support the central idea. They may find they need to revise their central idea or their supporting sentences.

• The final quadrant contains the concluding statement. An effort should be made to express the central idea of the essay in different words.

Once the students have determined that all the parts are connected to their central idea, they are ready to use their Organizing Tool to write a draft of their essay. You will need to model this drafting. It is not obvious to many students how to take these scattered words and thoughts and turn them into sentences that connect to each other.

For the introduction, students should be encouraged to use the same type of leads they used when writing a narrative (dialogue, description, action, etc.) However, the leading sentence must flow into the central idea which is also included in the introductory paragraph.

Once the introductory paragraph is written, it’s time to compose the body of the composition. Each of the next two quadrants from the Organizing Tool will become a paragraph in the body of the essay. Students need to be sure to write the supporting sentence and F.E.E.D. it with facts, an explanation, an example, and/or details. Each paragraph is connected by transition words and phrases. Model the use of transition words to show how the ideas in the essay are connected. Use caution when using these transition words so as not to sound too formulaic.

The final paragraph should be the conclusion, which should refer to the central idea without repeating it.

ESSAY MIND MAP

Supporting Claim (Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ __________________________________

Supporting Claim (Facts, Explanations, Examples, Details)

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

CONCLUDING PARAGRAPH (Restate the central idea or message supported by claims)

For these reasons, I believe that…

CENTRAL MESSAGE OR IDEA (Thesis Statement)

ESSAY MIND MAP

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ________________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________

Essay Mind Map Lesson Plan Designed by Mary Alice Ruiz

Writer’s Habits: Understand how to use essay/expository mind map for planning and organizing a central idea (thesis statement), supporting information and conclusion. 1. “Today, we’re going to learn how to use an Essay Mind Map for improving our essays. This map’s

organizational structure helps young writers organize and plan their essay ideas for elaborating during the drafting process. It includes a central idea (thesis statement), two supporting informational paragraphs and a concluding paragraph.”

(Optional: “The Essay Mind Map’s framework is structured like a blueprint for constructing or building a home. You can’t build a house that is structurally sound without a blueprint. It helps build a strong foundation for any home, otherwise, this home will collapse. This Essay Mind Map is designed to do the same for helping young writer’s create a quality essay.”) 2. Introduce the Essay Mind Map’s organizational structure or framework using technology. “What do

you notice about this mind map?” “How is it organized? How might it help you in organizing and planning your essay ideas? It includes the following sections: 1) a central idea/message to be written in the rectanglar box at the top; 2) two supporting information paragraphs to be written in each oval; and 3) a concluding paragraph to be written in the rectangular box at the bottom.

3. Model how to use the Essay Mind Map by transferring the teacher’s own central idea (thesis statement)

and supporting infomation (i.e. facts, explanations, examples, and/or details) from the Calkin’s T-chart and/or boxes & bullets pre-writing ideas. First, model how to elaborate on the central idea to clarify its meaning and focus as related to the topic. Next, elaborate on the informational paragraphs to include any facts, explanations, examples and/or details that support the central idea. Add transitions to better organize informational paragraphs. Note: Model how to elaborate on the concluding paragraph during a mini-lesson for later.

4. Facilitate writer’s conferences to provide guided writing practice on how to transfer and/or elaborate on

the central idea (thesis statement). Or, guide students as they elaborate on their two supporting informational paragraphs. Have students refer to their Lucy Calkin’s T-chart and/or boxes & bullets sections in their writer’s folder for completing their essay map. Note: Determine flexible grouping needs prior to faciliating individual/small group writer’s conferences.

5. Model how to transfer ideas from the Essay Mind Map onto paper during the drafting process. See

attachment for differentiating instruction lesson plan.

ESSAY MIND MAP Differentiated Instruction Lesson Plan

Writer’s Habits: Understand how to transition from prewriting to the drafting process using a plan. 1. “Today, we will develop our first expository/essay draft using good writer’s habits.” 2. “Which writer’s strategy do you think we will use today? We’re going to use our ideas

from our Essay Mind Map to develop our essay drafts on paper. Watch as I model this strategy using my mind plan. Pay attention to the expository structure and organization of my draft as I rearrange my 1) central idea (thesis statement), 2) supporting paragraphs and 3) concluding statement or paragraph from my mind map onto paper. Also, pay close attention to any transitions that I use to link my ideas from paragraoph to paragraph within my paper.”

3. Model writer’s strategy by cutting sections of mind map, to demonstrate how the

paragraphs are structured and organized on paper. Begin with the central idea/message/statement (introductory paragraph).

4. Next, model how to arrange the two supporting paragraphs within the body of the

paper. Make sure and highlight transitional words and/or phrases used to link and organize the supporting paragraphs in logical order.

5. Last, arrange concluding statement/paragraph at the bottom of the page. Make it

brief and model how to elaborate concluding paragraph during drafing and revision process.

6. Display teacher expository paper to give students a visual of what the first draft looks

like in paragraph form. Now the students are ready to follow these same steps in transferring and elaborating on their ideas as they begin their drafts.

7. Facilitate writer’s conferences using Barry Lane Tips and/or Lucy Calkin’s

conferencing strategies during the drafting process.

By David Lee Finkle

Write a topic sentence on the board, something that might be a paragraph within a larger essay, but certainly not a big enough topic to fill up an entire essay. Give students about ten minutes to write off the top of their head on the topic, encouraging them to use as many specific details as possible. Pair students and have them share. Give them a focus such as picking their partner’s best, most vivid detail and highlight or circle it. If time allows, have two or three volunteers read their entire paragraphs aloud to the class. Again, compliment and comment on the best details, the things that created pictures. This is a simple but powerful exercise because students write and get immediate feedback. It builds fluency for writing in a relaxed, nonthreatening environment. What kind of topics do I give? Almost anything that lends itself to a short paragraph. Any topic can be taken and given a particular twist. Some may be test-type topics; others may be more like topic sentences and writers will fill in the details. Here are a few examples: Explain why you think Friday is the best day of the week (or Monday is the worst day). Explain why you think kids pick on each other. Explain why a particular television show is your favorite. Explain why you think parents want you to brush your teeth. Explain why sleeping late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids). Explain why staying up late on the weekends is good for kids (or bad for kids). The roller coaster was scary. It was an interesting classroom. She was a total snob. He/she was a terrible student (or he/she was an excellent student.) I made a mad dash to get to school on time. I was nervous/happy as I brought home my worst/best report card ever. My favorite snack is…because… My favorite restaurant is…because…

Flash Nonfiction

Expository Transitions

Make sure to connect your ideas with transition words and phrases like those shown below. Transition words show that your supporting ideas are organized in a way that leads to your concluding statement. Words that Compare (Show Similarities):

also in the same way likewise while as like similarly

Example: Like last year’s activities, this year’s choices had many of the same themes. Words that Contrast (Show Differences):

although even though on the other hand still but however otherwise yet

Example: Be sure to eat a balanced diet. Otherwise, you won’t get enough vitamins and minerals. Words that Emphasize a Point:

again for this reason to emphasize truly especially in fact to repeat

Example: In fact, of all the ways you can protect yourself while skateboarding, the most important way is wearing a helmet. Words that Add Information:

again and besides for instance along with another finally in addition also as well for example next

Example: In addition to the items that were lost in the fire, many of their belongings were damaged by smoke. Words that Indicate a Conclusion:

as a result finally lastly because in conclusion therefore

Example: Finally, you will write your name at the bottom of the page and turn in your paper.

Texas Write Source, Grade 4

Criteria charts are most effective when they are created with your students, in their language, based on what they have learned from mentor texts and your lessons. You may use this list to guide this discussion with your students, and to make sure you have included all the important points.

Criteria for a Good Expository Essay

The lead is inviting and leads the reader to the central idea of the essay. The central idea is included in the introductory paragraph.

The central idea is clear and focused on one topic.

The central idea is supported with interesting and specific facts, details, explanations, or examples.

A variety of thoughtful transitions are used. They clearly show how ideas are connected.

The writer seems to be writing from knowledge or experience. The author has taken the ideas and made them "his own."

The writer uses vivid words and phrases that engage and draw pictures in the reader's mind.

All sentences are well-constructed with varied structure.

The concluding statement is strong and leaves the reader with a feeling that they understand why the author wrote this piece.

The writer makes no errors in grammar or spelling that distract the reader from the content.

Fixing Clunker Sentences

This strategy will help students improve poorly constructed sentences in their own writing. It will also help to prepare students for the STAAR Revising questions, such as: Once students begin writing, we often find they have great details buried in muddled, incoherent sentences—what David Finkle calls “clunkers”. Clunkers stop the flow of the paper. These sentences may be unclear, wordy, or awkwardly patched together, and they are often nearly impossible to understand. Take a look at a few examples: “Choices were made by some people that were bad because they caused the people to get punishments that were bad.” “They probably have enough money with all their wealth and riches to feed the world two full and healthy meals.” “Second of all the next reason or characteristic a true and good friend should have in my opinion is generosity or being caring.” Real clunkers can only be found in student writing. They cannot be found in a textbook and a teacher cannot make them up, because they are a student’s true attempt to make a point that somehow gets all mixed up. So, you’ll need to start collecting them from students’ writing. Ask other teachers to collect their clunkers and share them with each other. Keep them from year to year, so you have plenty to draw from for next year. 1. Because students usually do not even know when they have written a clunker, the

first way to use this collection of clunkers is to create awareness of the problem. Show some examples of your own clunkers first, to show students that you make mistakes too. Remind them that good writers revise and rewrite these clunkers until they clearly say what they want to communicate. Then, with extreme sensitivity toward writers who are trying their hardest to find words for their ideas, show a clunker from a student writing.

Look at sentence 14. The phrase get better does not express what Samantha was trying to say. Which word could BEST replace get better and help Samantha improve the meaning of this sentence? What is the BEST way to combine sentences 19 and 20? (Note that, in the second question, the answer choices suggest different ways to punctuate the sentences and also ways to improve the clarity of the sentences.)

2. Project the clunker and ask students to discuss what is wrong with it. What part of

the sentence is unclear? This does not need to be a study of grammatical terms, but students do need to be specific. Statements such as “I just don’t like it,” and “It doesn’t sound right,” won’t help to correct the problem. Students need to be more specific: “There are too many words that don’t matter.” “We don’t know who the word ‘they’ is talking about.” “There are too many ‘ands’ strung together.”

3. The next step is to try to fix the clunker. Ask students to help you decide, “What is

it that the writer is really trying to say? What is the point he is making?” You may need to break the sentence into parts to analyze it completely. At first, reword the sentence for your students and show them a more direct, precise sentence. Ask students, “What makes this a better sentence?” Again, push for specifics.

Use these 3 questions to help guide students as they try to fix clunker sentences:

• Is it clean? Are there extra, “fatty”, unnecessary words in the sentence which

could be cut? One suggestion might be to circle the subject and the predicate in the sentence and cross out every other word that is not absolutely necessary. Now reword the sentence using only the most necessary words.

• Is it clear? Does it make sense? What is making this sentence confusing and

how can I fix it?

• Do the parts connect? Are there fragments or run-on sentences? And are the connecting words used correctly? (and, but, so, or, until, because)

4. Begin the analysis and rewriting of clunker sentences in whole group discussions.

Then move the problem-solving into small groups or partners. Use only one clunker per day, but analyze and discuss it well. Post all the groups’ recommendations for rewriting and compare them. Which new sentence stays true to the meaning, yet expresses the meaning more clearly?

Over time, and with repeated practice, students will become more aware of clunkers in their own writing and will learn how to rework these awkward sentences to make them more concise and precise.

~ David Lee Finkle, Writing Extraordinary Essays

Schoolwide Writing Contest One other way to make writing a part of your school culture is to create a school-wide, weekly writing contest. Give your writing contest a catchy name like “Picture This!” or “Write On!” or “Writers Rock!” It runs on the same basic writing principle as Flash Nonfiction, and can be used to promote the skill of creating specific details. Here’s how it works. During your school’s morning assembly, in-house news program, or scheduled announcement time, introduce a ‘telling’ sentence and tell the student body that the contest is to create one, only one, sentence that shows us the same idea by creating a word picture, a picture in the reader’s minds created with words. Create an entry box out of a shoe box and entry forms on strips of paper. Collect the entries in the box, which has the sentence posted on it, for the next week. Here are some topic sentences to get you started: 1. His backpack was overloaded. 10. I was really sleepy 2. The car was so awesome. 11. The cotton candy was messy. 3. The storm was scary. 12. It was really hard. 4. My friend makes me laugh. 13. We had fun. 5. The sunrise was beautiful. 14. The kitchen was a mess. 6. I had a bad cold. 15. The substitute was angry. 7. I laughed really hard. 16. His sneakers were very old. 8. The old house looked creepy. 17. It was a gloomy day. 9. It was a terrible meal. 18. The day was over.

This week’s topic sentence: My “word picture” sentence that shows rather than tells! Please write your name, grade, and Language Arts teacher’s name on the back of this form before entering.

(Name of Writing Contest) ENTRY FORM

Choosing winners is fairly easy: you eliminate the sentences that are vague, incoherent, or fragments. After weeding out the obvious nonwinners, you will have some possible winners left. Have two teachers rank the finalists and decide on between two and five winners. Read the winners on the air, so the whole school gets to hear a few good examples of “word pictures” each week. The next sentence is announced, and the whole process starts again. You may be a little discouraged by the entries at first, but the longer the contest goes on, the better the entries will get. Note: “Word pictures” use words to create a picture in the reader’s mind. Good writing is vivid and engaging, no matter the genre. “Word pictures” are a valuable tool for writers to use in both expository essays and in narrative stories.

Moving from ‘Exploding the Moment’ to ‘Concise and Precise’

During the good ole days of TAKS writing, we taught our students to ‘Explode the Moment’ in an attempt to get them to say more about the big moment in their stories. The times have changed. We are now living in the STAAR era of making every word count, saying what we mean and meaning what we say, keeping our language concise and precise. In the real world of writing, there is a time and a place for both types of writing. We do not have to look far to find some beautiful examples of ‘exploding a moment’ in the novels we read and sometimes even in our students’ narratives, written for the purpose of entertaining an audience. Record these ‘explode a moment’ examples. Create a boring sentence that simply states what is happening in the exploded moment. Now have your students work together to create a concise and precise sentence or two that capture(s) the essence of the exploded moment and still has a sense of style and creativity. With lots of repeated practice, writers will get the hang of how to keep the language colorful and simple.

~ Stephanie Heinchon, Region XIII

Moving from Exploding the Moment to Concise and Precise

Blah Sentence Explode the Moment Concise and Precise He walked through the door.

He grasped the cold doorknob and turned it slowly to the right. He pushed the door inward. The hinges squeaked and cold air rushed past the opening door. The room was dark. His eyes darted to the right. Nothing. He pushed the door open a little farther, and slowly moved his right foot into the room. His shoe creaked a bit as it hit the polished hardwood floor.

The door hinges squeaked as he hesitantly crept through the door into a cold, dark room. His shoe made the hardwood floor creak.

I walked into the kitchen and saw my mother holding a skateboard.

Upon opening the gate to our backyard I wondered if there was a surprise in store for me. My hands began to sweat with anticipation as I crossed the yard to the enclosed patio. I had to remind myself that it wasn’t the gift, but the thought that counted as I ran into the kitchen. The door slammed behind me as I was greeted by the sweet smell of chocolate cake and my mother. She was beaming as she held out my gift: the red skateboard, the red skateboard I had pointed out to my mother in the toy store window!

My hands sweat and my heart raced in anticipation of the gift I hoped my mother would give me. And there it was—the very skateboard I had longed for!

The dog was white with brown spots and overweight.

She was a dog—a dog with graceful white feet and ankles, a thick white chest, and a bulging stomach that hinted pink where the hairs were sparse and coarse. Across her back and hips were large, irregular brown spots, and her head, which was really too small for her body, wore several shades of brown that arched over her eyes, giving her a surprised and interested expression. Around her neck a thick roll of extra flesh fanned out soft fur into a deep, inviting ruffle and her ears drooped like rich brown velvet triangles.

The dog was fat and beautiful in a way that made you want to drop to his level and rub him all over.

Change Passive Verbs

to Lively Verbs

Passive verbs include: is, am, are, was, were, be, being, been Sentences that contain passive verbs are weak because they often do not include an action that the reader can visualize, or the subject does not do the action. In a sentence with an active verb, the subject is doing the action. Students can improve the quality of their writing by changing these passive verbs to vivid verbs, powerful verbs, to fizz up the action, paint word-pictures, and evoke feelings in their readers. Students should go on a ‘passive verb hunt’ through their papers to find any of these passive verbs. Have them circle all the passive verbs in their entire paper. Now model for students how to change the circled verbs to lively and vivid verbs. Examples: Passive: The jar was broken by Kim Active: Kim broke the jar. Passive: My cousins are constantly whining. Active: My cousins whine constantly. Passive: There are times when I feel no one listens to me. Active: At times, I feel no one listens to me. Passive: The children were sad when their dog was dead. Active: The children wept when their dog died.

Note that there are times when it seems it is not possible to change a passive verb. A few passive verbs are acceptable in every writing. Children should be encouraged to change as many passive verbs as possible in their writing. Make it a challenge: Can they change half of them? Most of them? All of them?

Be as concise as possible; find the single verb to replace the roundabout phrase. Do not say: He did not remember to feed the dog. Say instead: He forgot to feed the dog. Do not say: She did not pass the music exam. Say instead: She failed the music exam.

Name_________________________________ Date____________________

Title: _________________________________

Revising Checklist - Expository

Reread your writing carefully. Put a check mark in each box under “Author” as you complete each revising item. You will need to read your paper several times. Once all the boxes are checked, give your writing and this revising checklist to a peer to help them give you feedback about your writing. The ‘Peer’ box is larger so they can write notes.

Author Peer

1. Thesis/Central Idea - Is the thesis or central idea clearly stated in the introduction of the essay?

2. Focus - Does the essay stay focused on the thesis or central idea? Do the facts, details, examples and explanations match the thesis and the supporting sentences?

3. Organization - Does the body of the essay have a clear organizational strategy? (Supporting sentences that show reasons, kinds, parts, times, etc.)

4. Support - Does the writer include facts, details, examples, and explanations that are clearly related to each reason, kind, part, time, etc.?

5. Transitions - Are transitions used to signal additional information and how it is related to the information before it?

6. Conclusion - Does the conclusion provide a closing for the essay and leave the reader with a provocative thought?

Teacher Conferencing

Keep in mind, your goal is to help the writer, not the writing.

1. Begin with positive statements.

“Look what a great writer you are becoming!”

2. Ask the student how you can help them today. We want students to take responsibility for their own learning. Therefore, the student should come to the conference with a question to ask about his/her own writing.

3. Give only 1 or 2 revising suggestions. (Write on post-it notes to leave with the writer.)

Link to only lessons previously taught.

4. Give only 1 editing suggestion. (Write it on a post-it note and leave it attached to the writing.)

One spelling pattern, 5 non-negotiable words, one capitalization rule, one punctuation rule

5. End with, “What is your plan?” Student repeats back what he/she needs to work on.

The student should leave the conference motivated to write!

A Conferencing Tip from Georgia Heard:

Read Writing Out Loud

In her book, The Revision Toolbox, Georgia Heard says, “This is probably the most

frequent conference strategy I use—to read a student’s writing back to her, so she can hear her own words.”

By reading the writing aloud to the student, it allows the writer to not have to think about decoding, but

instead to just listen and think about the sound of the writing. Also the writer is not able to insert words or

phrasing that he/she intended to put in the writing, but are not really there. When someone else reads the

piece, the person reads it as it is.

Heard says, “I suggest the writer might want to keep a pen or pencil nearby, to mark places she’d like to work

on or things that strike her as powerful. Sometimes I suggest that the writer close her eyes as I read, to see if

any other details come to mind. Here are some questions I might, at some point, ask the writer. I only ask

two or three questions at the most during a conference so as not to overwhelm.

What do you think about your writing?

What were you thinking as I read it to you?

How did it sound? Any places where you think it needs some work?

Did you get any more ideas?

Is everything you want to say here?

Do you like the way it begins? Does it invite the reader in?

Does it feel complete?

What is this piece of writing about?

Where does the writing go abstract or explain rather than show through image or detail?

Are there any words or images that just don’t feel right?

Is there anything that sounds tired, worn, or cliché?

What parts do you think need work?

What revision strategy might you use for this piece of writing?

Editing Checklist

1. Have all run-on sentences and fragments been corrected? ______ 2. Does each sentence begin with a capital letter? _______ 3. Does each sentence end with a punctuation mark? _____ 4. Do all proper nouns (names of people, places, or things) have

a capital letter? _______ 5. Is the word ‘I’ is capitalized? _______ 6. Are all commas used correctly? ______ 7. If the writing includes dialogue, does it have quotation marks and a comma between the quote and the tag? ______ 8. If the writing is a letter, does it follow the letter format? _______ 9. Are the words spelled correctly? _________ Words to check: _____________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________

Sentence Boundaries:

Have writers ‘frame’ each sentence of their writing to think about whether it is a complete sentence. To ‘frame’ the sentence, the student places one finger of one hand before the capital letter that indicates the beginning of the sentence. The student places one finger of the other hand after the end punctuation for that sentence.

Now the writer examines the sentence between his/her fingers and asks:

• “Is this a complete sentence? Does it express a complete thought?

• Is it a fragment? Does it sound like part of the sentence is missing?

• Is it a run-on? Is it really more than one sentence that needs to be divided with end punctuation and a capital letter to show where the new sentence begins?”

The writer frames each sentence of the writing to examine each sentence and makes the changes needed to write with only complete sentences.

Spelling: Research to find the Correct Spelling

We should not expect writers to spell every word correctly in every draft. However, we do want them to think about the spelling of their words. Only when they become aware of the words they have trouble with, will they slow down to try different solutions to their ‘problem words’.

Try this: Ask students to find 5-10 words in their draft that they think are spelled incorrectly. Ask them to research to find the correct spelling of only these 5-10 words. Research includes:

• Look at charts around the room to see if you find the word there.

• Look for the word in a related book in the classroom library. • Think about other words you know that sound similar. Could the two words have similar

spellings?

• If you know the first 3 letters, look the word up in a dictionary or thesaurus.

• Ask a Peer Spelling Expert.

• Try spelling the word 3 different ways in the margin of your paper. 1. Write all the letters you know and all the sounds you hear.

Which part of the word doesn’t look right? What other letters could be used in their place?

2. Rewrite the word using different letters for the part that doesn’t look right. Does it look better? Or should you try different letters?

3. Rewrite the word again, changing any parts you think could be different.

Out of the 3 spellings you tried, write the one that looks best. Leave your 3 spellings in the margin so your teacher can see the different ways you tried spelling your word.

elamentry

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elementary

Reflecting on Your Expository Essay You’ve worked hard on your essay. Now take some time to think about your writing and score it. Complete each sentence below. Use the writing rubric to score your writing. 1. The score I would give my essay is . . . 2. I think it deserves this score because . . . 3. The best part of my essay is . . . 4. The part that still needs work is . . . 5. The biggest thing I learned about writing an expository essay is . . .

Adapted from Texas Write Source

Page 36

4th Grade Expository Writing Rubric

Score Point 1 Score Point 2 Score Point 3 Score Point 4

Orga

niza

tion/

Prog

ress

ion

• The organizational structure of the essay is inappropriate to the purpose or the specific demands of the prompt. The writer uses organizational strategies that are only marginally suited to the explanatory task, or they are inappropriate or not evident at all. The absence of a functional organizational structure causes the essay to lack clarity and direction.

• Most ideas are generally related to the topic specified in the prompt, but the central idea is missing, unclear, or illogical. The writer may fail to maintain focus on the topic, may include extraneous information, or may shift abruptly from idea to idea, weakening the coherence of the essay.

• The writer’s progression of ideas is weak. Repetition or wordiness sometimes causes serious disruptions in the flow of the essay. At other times the lack of transitions and sentence-to-sentence connections causes the writer to present ideas in a random or illogical way, making one or more parts of the essay unclear or difficult to follow.

• The organizing structure of the essay is evident but may not always be appropriate to the purpose or the specific demands of the prompt. The essay is not always clear because the writer uses organizational strategies that are only somewhat suited to the expository task.

• Most ideas are generally related to the topic specified in the prompt, but the writer’s central idea is weak or somewhat unclear. The lack of an effective central idea or the writer’s inclusion of irrelevant information interferes with the focus and coherence of the essay.

• The writer’s progression of ideas is not always logical and controlled. Sometimes repetition or wordiness causes minor disruptions in the flow of the essay. At other times transitions and sentence-to-sentence connections are too perfunctory or weak to support the flow of the essay or show the relationships among ideas.

• The organizing structure of the essay is, for the most part, appropriate to the purpose and responsive to the specific demands of the prompt. The essay is clear because the writer uses organizational strategies that are adequately suited to the expository task.

• The writer establishes a clear central idea. Most ideas are related to the central idea and are focused on the topic specified in the prompt. The essay is coherent, though it may not always be unified due to minor lapses in focus.

• The writer’s progression of ideas is generally logical and controlled. For the most, transitions are meaningful, and sentence-to-sentence connections are sufficient to support the flow of the essay and show the relationships among ideas.

• The organizing structure of the essay is clearly appropriate to the purpose and responsive to the specific demands of the prompt. The essay is skillfully crafted because the writer uses organizational strategies that are particularly well suited to the expository task.

• The writer establishes a clear central idea. All ideas are strongly related to the central idea and are focused on the topic specified in the prompt. By sustaining this focus, the writer is able to create an essay that is unified and coherent.

• The writer’s progression is logical and well controlled. Meaningful transitions and strong sentence-to-sentence connections enhance the flow of the essay by clearly showing the relationships among ideas, making the writer’s train of thought easy to follow.

Deve

lopm

ent o

f Ide

as

. • The development of ideas is weak. The essay is

ineffective because the writer uses details and examples that are inappropriate, vague, or insufficient.

• The essay is insubstantial because the writer’s response to the prompt is vague or confused. In come cases, the essay as a whole is only weakly linked to the prompt. In other cases, the writer develops the essay in a manner that demonstrates a lack of understanding of the expository writing task.

• The development of ideas is minimal. The essay is superficial because the writer uses details and examples that are not always appropriate or are too briefly or partially presented.

• The essay reflects little or no thoughtfulness. The writer’s response to the prompt is sometimes formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a manner that demonstrates only a limited understanding of the expository writing task.

• The development of ideas is sufficient because the writer uses details and examples that are specific and appropriate, adding some substances to the essay.

• The essay reflects some thoughtfulness. The writer’s response to the prompt is original rather than formulaic. The writer develops the essay in a manner that demonstrates a good understanding of the expository writing task.

• The development of ideas is effective because the writer uses details and examples that are specified and well chosen, adding substance to the essay.

• The essay is thoughtful and engaging. The writer develops the essay in a manner that demonstrates a thorough understanding of the expository writing task. The writer may choose to use his/her unique experiences or view of the world as a basis for writing or to connect ideas in interesting ways.

Use o

f Lan

guag

e/Con

vent

ions

• The writer’s word choice may be vague or limited. It reflects little or no awareness of the expository purpose and does not establish a tone appropriate to the task. The word choice may impede the quality and clarity of the essay.

• Sentences are simplistic, awkward, or uncontrolled, significantly limiting the effectiveness of the essay.

• The writer has little or no command of sentence boundaries and age-appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage conventions. Serious and persistent errors create disruptions in the fluency of the writing and sometimes interfere with meaning.

• The writer’s word choice may be general or imprecise. It reflects a basic awareness of the expository purpose but does little to establish a tone appropriate to the task. The word choice may not contribute to the quality and clarity of the essay.

• Sentences are awkward or only somewhat controlled, weakening the effectiveness of the essay.

• The writer demonstrates a partial command of sentence boundaries and age-appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage conventions. Some distracting errors may be evident, at times creating minor disruptions in the fluency or meaning of the writing.

• The writer’s word choice is, for the most part, clear and specific. It reflects an awareness of the expository purpose and establishes a tone appropriate to the task. The word choice usually contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.

• Sentences are varied and adequately controlled, for the most part contributing to the effectiveness of the essay.

• The writer demonstrates a partial command of sentence boundaries and age-appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage conventions. Although some errors may be evident, they create few(if any) disruptions in the fluency of the writing, and they do not affect the clarity of the essay.

• The writer’s word choice is purposeful and precise. It reflects a keen awareness of the expository purpose and maintains a tone appropriate to the task. The word choice strongly contributes to the quality and clarity of the essay.

• Sentences are purposeful, varied, and well controlled, enhancing the effectiveness of the essay.

• The writer demonstrates a consistent command of sentence boundaries and age-appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar, and usage conventions. Although minor errors may be evident, they do not detract from the fluency of the writing or the clarity of the essay. The overall strength of the conventions contributes to the effectiveness of the essay.

AISD Office of the Associate Superintendent ~ Revised October 7, 2011

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