workshop 4 relationships 2: family and friends

The Ultimate Stress Survival The Ultimate Stress Survival Guide: Guide:

Relationship Stress 2.Relationship Stress 2.Family and FriendsFamily and Friends

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Family StressFamily Stress“All families and most friends bring with

them emotional baggage from the past.” Dr. Kathleen Kelley Reardon.

Types of family stress:Holiday stress.Sibling rivalry.Unresolved Family Conflict.Personality Traits.

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Holiday StressHoliday StressWhat is Holiday Stress?

What are the causes Holiday stress?

How do you Minimise Holiday stress?

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Sibling Rivalry and Sibling Rivalry and RevertigoRevertigo

Occurs when a parent appears closer to/ more supportive of one particular adult offspring.

How do we handle Handle Sibling Rivalry?

Revertigo: Regression to parent/sibling behaviour patterns. Old patterns and traditional roles: Stressful.

How do we handle Revertigo?

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RevertigoRevertigoScenario:

Dave: “That’s the most stupid idea I have ever heard”

Stephanie: “What makes you so clever then?”Dave: “I’m not a clever clogs but I know when

something is ridiculous.”Stephanie: “You’re ridiculous.”

Where is the choice point in the scenario?Is Stephanie responding or reacting?What could she have said to change the

course of the Conversation?www.life-without-limits.co www.tantraawakenings.org

Unresolved Family ConflictUnresolved Family ConflictUnresolved Family Conflict.

Difficult to let go of conflicted family relationships. Trust on both sides is compromised. If un-resolved will re-occur. Continued Tension and

resentment.Strategies to handle Unresolved Family

Conflict. Try to resolve the Conflict. Forgive and forget.

Let go of feelings of resentment and anger BUT be careful of what you expect in future without actively harbouring resentment.

Cut the person out of your life. Last resort.

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Behaviour TypesBehaviour Types

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Aggressive Assertive Passive What is it?

Standing up for our own rights by violating others’

rights

What is it? Communicating in a clear, honest,

candid way which respects our point of view and that of others.

What is it? Not able to stand up for your

rights, or doing so in a way that is not heard

How is it expressed? Expressing needs, thoughts/feelings

inappropriately, assuming our opinions are more important

than others

How is it expressed? Expressing needs,

thoughts/feelings appropriately, while acknowledging the rights of others. Finding common ground

where conflict arises

How is it expressed? Expressing needs,

thoughts/feelings in an apologetic, cautious, self

damaging way, believing needs are less important than others’

Characteristics Arrogance, Attacking, Contempt, Belittling, Bullying, Intolerance,

Intimidating

Characteristics Calm, Composed, Focused,

Sensitive, Clear, Respectful, Win-Win.

Characteristics Unsure, Weak, Timid, Long-

winded, Indecisive, Apologetic, People pleasing.

Handling Passive behaviour.Handling Aggressive behaviour.

Personality StressPersonality StressCommon Factors causing stress

Associated with Personality:Perfectionism.Type A Personality.External locus of control (blaming

others/events).Poor Communication.Unhealthy Behaviours.Anger.Rumination and obsessing.Distorted thinking.

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Dealing with Difficult Dealing with Difficult People.People.

Keep conversations Neutral: Avoid divisive issues.Accept the reality of who they are: Can You

change them? What happens if you try?Know what’s under your control: Change your

response. Assertive Communication.Create healthier patterns: Its a 2-way thing.See the best in people: Try to look for positive

aspects.Remember who you are dealing with!Let go or get space!: Minimise or cut ties. Explain

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Perfectionism and Type A Perfectionism and Type A PersonalitiesPersonalities

Traits of Perfectionists.Key Characteristics of Type A

Personalities.Negative effects of Type A Personalities:

Hypertension. Heart Disease. Job Stress. Social Isolation.

Type A Traits Can be altered!Dealing with Type A Personalities.Assertive communication/ Conflict resolution

techniques.Healthy Boundaries.

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Locus of ControlLocus of Control‘locus of control’ refers to whether you

feel your life is controlled by you or by forces outside yourself.

Internal or external. Locus of control shaped by events:

Childhood, Adulthood, Habitual thinking patterns.

Changing your locus of control can reduce stress.You have a choiceNotice your language and self-talk.Attitude: Optimism V Pessimism

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Other factorsOther factors

Anger and Stress: Perception,Personality, Attitude.

Do Your find yourself constantly replaying something in your mind? Rumination Reflection V BroodingThe toll of Brooding

Distorted thinking.Optimism V Pessimism

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Unhealthy responsesUnhealthy responsesUnhealthy Responses

Caffeine, Smoking, drinking, compulsive spending, emotional eating.

Staying HealthyDiet: Limit/ Avoid Caffeine/Nicotine.Exercise regularly.Sleep.Sex.Relaxation: Meditation. Massage. Breathing.

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Social SupportSocial SupportTime Management: Nurturing and going

out having fun.Assertiveness: Strengthen your

relationships.Listening to your friends:

Its important to give as well as receive.Ask about feelings and listen.Reflect back what you hear.Focus on them and their feelings.

Listen to your Intuition:Build a healthier social circle.

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Letting go a Letting go a Relationship.Relationship.

Make a list of friendships in your life.Circle the names of those who are positive.For the remainder asses and circle those

who are positive. Cross off those who are negative.

Focus on the ones who are circled. Let go or reduce contact with those that have been crossed off.

Exercise: Assessing a relationship.

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LonelinessLonelinessEveryone experiences loneliness. When? Effects of Loneliness. What Can you do?Peer supportBenefits of Peer support

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