working with emotional intelligence to create positive...

Working with Emotional Intelligence to Create

Positive Change

Robert K. Bitting, Ph.D., L.M.H.C.

June, 2013

NYSCAA

What is Intelligence?

Typically focused on:◦ analytic reasoning

◦ verbal skills

◦ spatial ability

◦ attention

◦ memory

◦ judgment

Murky concept with definitions by many experts...

What’s the key?

IQ:

A weak predictor for

◦ Achievement

◦ Job performance success

◦ Overall success, wealth

Still a component of employment/career success; maybe 20-25%

So, where’s the rest come from?

One Place:Emotional Intelligence

How we perceive emotions and facilitate thought.

How we understand and manage emotions. Refers to feelings that a person has in a relationship.

Capacity to reason with emotions and emotional signals – self and others.

Self-awareness, social awareness, self-management, relationship management.

What’s Your Definition?

Two Important People:

Carl Rogers (and the Big “E”)

and…

The “Godfather” of E.I. Albert Ellis

Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy

Connection Between How We: Think, Feel and Behave

The Idea of “Changing the Thought, Changing the Behavior”

Thoughts

Feelings Behaviors

YOU

(CHOICE)

Thoughts

Feelings Behaviors

Ellis: ABCDE

A – Activating or “red flag” event

B – Belief or Behavior

C – Consequences (Emotional or other)

D – Dispute w/ more rational/realistic expectations (Choose to “reframe”)

E – Effects (positive) of these more rational beliefs/behaviors

Ellis: Typical Thinking Errors

Ignoring the Positive

Exaggerating the Negative

Overgeneralizing

QUIT MUSTERBATING!!

Three Key Questions:

What Do You Want?

What Are You Doing To Get What You Want?

How’s It Working?

(Also, quit awfulizing and whining!)

Based On Acceptance (Unconditional)

Self

Others

Life

Really?: Let’s hear what Ellis has to say about this!

So…more potent predictors of Career Success are:

Ability to handle frustrations

Manage own emotions

Manage own social skills

Problem: how we’ve historically viewed emotions:

•Chaotic•Haphazard•Superfluous•Incompatible with reason•Disorganized•Largely visceral•Resulting from the lack of effective

adjustment

How we are now viewing emotions:

•Arouse, sustain, direct activity•Part of total economy of living organisms•Not in opposition to intelligence•A higher order of intelligence

Emotional processingmay be an essential partof rational decision making

Evolutionary Advantage to

Emotion For example:

◦ Fight or flight response

◦ But…

Can basic emotions overwhelm rational thinking?

◦ Have you ever been “HIJACKED”?

The main purpose of the innermostpart of the brain is survival.

To Get at Emotion, Go Deep...

Amygdala isdeep within the most elemental Parts of the brain.

Basic Emotions—we all have ‘em –are they “hard-wired” or learned?

The “4 Core”JoySadnessAngerFear

Others?

•“Being nice”•Letting feelings

hang out”

So (Again) What is Emotional Intelligence (EI)?

The capacity for recognizing our own feelings and those of others, for motivating ourselves, and for managing emotions well in ourselves and in our relationships.

•a field in infancy

•fast-growing

•aspects harken to research of the 1940’s

•a field in infancy

•fast-growing

•aspects harken to research of the 1940’s

Emotional self-awareness

The inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy.

People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives and have a surer sense about how they feel about personal decisions.

How do you stay open to your emotional experiences?--

can we tolerate the full range?

Self-awareness

Value of taking time for self-awareness requires abilities

to recognize appropriate body cuesand emotions

to label cues and emotions accurately

to stay open to unpleasant as well as pleasant emotions

Includes the capacity for experiencing and recognizing multiple and conflicting emotions

Emotional Self Awareness

Managing One’s Own Emotions

EI is like a smoke alarm. EI tells us a particular emotion is arising.

Tremendous individual variability vis-à-vis duration and intensity of emotion.

EI can help us “reframe” and move forward more quickly.

Self -regulation

Out of Control Emotions

Impair reasoning (even smart people sometimes act stupidly –example?)

May increase the likelihood that chronic emotional problems will result, (e.g., clinical depression or chronic anxiety or hostility)

Using emotions to maximize intellectual processing and decision-making:

As a person matures, emotions begin to shape and improve thinkingby directing a person’s attention to important changes.

Example: Learning to Delay Gratification

Self-Motivation

Utilizing mild emotional swings tomore effectively:

• Promote or hinder motivation - anxiety, hostility, sadness

• Understand emotional swings to increase perspective on future events.

Read Blink, by Malcolm Gladwell – a great book for “reading” other people!

Developing empathy

Empathy is the ability to recognize another’s emotional state, which is very similar to what you are experiencing.

“Here I am, as I am” leads us closer to conditions for Unconditional Acceptance, Social Interest, and the Big E.

socialawareness

Developing empathy also links to:

Greater emotional stability

Greater interpersonal sensitivity

Better school and work performance

Developing empathy

The Art of Social Relationships--managing emotions in others

Effective friend, negotiator, and leader.

Ability to guide interactions, inspire, and make others. comfortable in social situations

Influence and persuade others.

The “Dark Side”:The danger of the nice personality

Have you ever met a nice person, but the “bells have gone off?”

Charisma draws in but not always to desired ends, e.g., Hitler, Jim Jones.

Empathy can be faked; so can other emotions.

Anyone you know?

The Development of “EI”

A genetic contribution is likely

But it is not destiny

Early expression of emotion by parents helps learning

Early abuse hinders learning

Poor ability to read others’ emotionsmay lead to the development of poor social skills.

Emotion-Related “Dysfunction”(the Everyday Type!)

Can lead to THE 4 HORSEMEN of Negative Emotions:

Defensiveness

Stonewalling

Criticism

CONTEMPT!!

Impacts on physical health:

Cardiovascular disease

Progression of diabetes, cancer, hypertension

OVERALL BAD STUFF

Dysfunction at Work -Questions to Ask:

Is the person in the wrong job?

Does the job require the person to be difficult?

What is remarkable about the group dynamics of the organization?

What about individuals, personal and interpersonal?

Importance of EI to Organizations:

50% of work satisfaction is determined by the relationship a worker has with… his/her boss.

EI is a prerequisite for effective leadership across borders.

◦ Requires a high level of self-mastery and people skills; ability to put yourself into the positions of others.

What is Improving EI Worth?

Increases retention.Decreases absenteeism.Increases overall organizational growth.

Could increase production as much as 20%

Current estimates to American Business: Losing between $5.6 and

$16.8 Billion annually

Nine Strategiesfor

TAKING THE TIME FOR MINDFULNESS

Recognizing and naming emotions

Understanding the causes of feelings

Differentiating between emotion and the need to take action

Preventing depression through “learned optimism”

Managing anger through learned behavior or distraction techniques

Listening for the lessons of feelings

Using “gut feelings” in decision making

Developing listening skills

PromotingEmotional

Intelligence

Using E.I. in the Workplace• Should skills related to EI find their way into workplace strategic planning?

• Can such skills be effectively developed in the workplace?

• Would the introduction of skills related to EI radically modify the workplace – and if so, how?

• How does effective customer service relates to the basic concepts of E.I.?

• What is the EI skill set applied to where you work?