this is vietnam

THIS

IS

VIETN

AM.

THIS

IS

VIETN

AM.

THIS

IS

VIETN

AM.

YOU PEOPLE SHOULD LEARN WHERE THIS IS BECAUSE IT’S GONNA AFFECT ALL YOUR LIVES.

If you didn’t go to college, you were gonna get drafted.

“I’m not gonna get drafted.” So I thought, “Well I’ll enlist.” Because you get a better deal if you enlist.

Everybody had to register for the draft at age eighteen.

Our teacher said “You guys should know where this is because it’s gonna affect all your lives.” And it was so funny because of course nobody in our class knew where Vietnam was and it was like, you know…

I went to college in Superior, Wisconsin, dropped out, went to River Falls, but I didn’t have enough credits so I knew I was going to be drafted.

I didn’t have enough credits and I took a physical and I could chew gum and walk down the street at the same time so I ended up being drafted.

I tried to get into the air force

and uh, the air force wouldn’t

take me because I was colorblind,

slightly colorblind, so I ended up

signing up in the army security

agency and the recruiter told me,

it was really funny because the

recruiter told me, “If you sign up

in the army security agency they

can’t send you to Vietnam.” It was

what they did! They tell you this,

you know, and it was funny because

there was a point after basic

training, and I can’t remember

where the hell we were but we were

all sittin’ there, and this guy

comes up and he says “How many of

you assholes signed up in the army

security agency?” About seven of

us raised our hands and he said...

“YOU DUMB

FUCKERS ARE ALL

GOIN’ TO VIETNAM!”

“YOU DUMB

FUCKERS ARE ALL

GOIN’ TO VIETNAM!”

I was scared.

I did not want to

go to Vietnam.

1 2

2

I was just this kid

from St. Paul Park

who loved to play

football, hockey,

and baseball.

I did not know

anything about

politics, and I

guess I didn’t

care.

We arrived in Vietnam on, on,

it was Christmas Eve. And

everybody was out partying.

And so we’re at Tan Son Nhut

Airport in Saigon, and there’s

nobody to pick us up, you

don’t know where to go, and it

was just the worst night I’ve

ever had. We slept on the tar

matt, on the freakin’ cement!

And it wasn’t til the next day

and then somebody actually

showed up and said “Oh yeah,

new people.”

There wasn’t a lot of respect

for new people in Vietnam

because, because it was like,

you people are so, you people

are so stupid. What are you

doing here?

DECEMBER 25TH, 1964

“YOU CAN’T TRAIN

PEOPLE TO KILL PEOPLE.

THAT’S JUST AN

UNNATURAL THING.”

You know, you can’t

take an individual

and try to train the

m to go to war.

Your whole life is spent f

our and a half

months with an M16 and an

M60 Machine Gun.

All you’re trying

to do is

keep yourself aliv

e.

All a sudden somebody’s shootin’ at ya, and you’re firing back.

And you got a shitty attitude.

“YOU JUST TRIED TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU COULD DO TO MAKE THESE PEOPLE

NOT KILL YOU.”

How do you live with that?

How do you live with yourself when you do that?

You don’t have to do this.

Oh my god, what is this.

This is crazy. This is absolutely crazy.

Well, what can you do.

You’re gonna be dead in a couple days anyway.

Why start any sort of relationship?

I’d either just stare at the walls or talk stupid shit.

“THEY HAD THE

BEST DRUGS IN THE

WORLD.”

IF SOMEONE PASSED YOU A JOINT AND

YOU DIDN’T PARTAKE OF IT, YOU AROUSED GREAT SUSPICION.

IT WAS A STRANGE PLACE TO FIND THE DEMANDS OF

CONFORMITY.

Strongest memory I have, and it’s not a good memory, was that

December 1st, 1968, my best friend got killed. Now that’s the

strongest, that’s the most powerful memory I have. And he uh,

you know. I carried a radio and he was the point man right in

front of me and he took three rounds in the head and was, you

know, probably dead before he hit the ground.

I just remember carrying him, carrying him off, and that

night when we were pinned down, and they take the wounded

and they leave the dead. And so, he was wrapped up in what

we called a “poncho liner.” Yeah, he was wrapped up in a

poncho liner and we were hunkered down in a bomb crater.

And that’s like, he was my best friend.

THEY’LL FIRE AND KILL WHATEVER MOVES.

IT’S

THEEN

EMY.

IT’S

THEEN

EMY.

Whoever came into towns with guns,that was the government. And if it was U.S. soldiers who came into town, they were the government. If it was North Vietnamese soldiers came to town, they were the government. And, and you didn’t, you didn’t fight either group.

And the problem was,

they’d come in and shoot you up.

they,

if they knew that the Am

ericans

were there the day befor

e,

is that the V.C.,

And if the Americans came in and

knew that the V.C. were there,

you know,

they’d shoot you down.

And they,

yeah,

I mean they slaughtered the whole town.

BANG.

BANG.

I never thought I was going to get wounded. I don’t know, but that’s, that’s alright. Million dollar wound, I was the luckiest guy in the world.

THEY WOKE ME UP AFTER THE SURGERY, GAVE ME THE PURPLE HEART, I SAID “THANKS A LOT” AND ROLLED BACK OVER.

It was no big

deal, it was

just a guy in a

hospital, had a

box of Purple

Hearts and

walked around

and gave ‘em to

everybody.

THEY WOKE ME UP AFTER THE SURGERY, GAVE ME THE PURPLE HEART, I SAID “THANKS A LOT” AND ROLLED BACK OVER.

“YOU’RE GOING BACK TO THE

UNITED STATES.”

“YOU’RE GOING BACK TO THE

UNITED STATES.”

Out in the

jungle for days,

people getting

wounded and

killed, seeing

things that

should only be

in a nightmare,

and not knowing

if you would

live or die

the next day,

changes people.

TO ADJUST, THAT’S VERY VERY DIFFICULT.

WHEN YOU GET BACK, YOU CAN’T JUST ALL A SUDDEN SAY,

TO ADJUST, THAT’S VERY VERY DIFFICULT.

I THINK IT IS, ANYWAY.

I CAME HOME AS WHITE AS A GHOST.

“HEY, IT’S OVER.”

I USED TO HAVE DREAMS ABOUT VIETNAM.

The last subjunctive

thing, I was preparing to

run Grandma’s marathon

and I was runnin’ right

down by the house, about

six miles, and I came

around a bend and there

were some woods there and

I looked up and I saw the

three, same three Viet

Cong that I saw the night

that I got wounded. Just

a strange dream. I wasn’t

thinking about Vietnam

or anything, it was just

strange, all of a sudden

they were there.

NOTHING WILL EVER BE AS BAD AS VIETNAM.

NOTHING WILL EVER BE AS BAD AS VIETNAM.

“Sometimes I think

the lucky ones were

the ones who got

killed in Viet Nam---

it’s too hard being a

survivor.”

WHY DID I SURVIVE.

SOMETIMES I WOULD BE

ANGRY AND ENVIOUS.

I WOULD EVEN F

EEL SORRY FOR

MYSELF.

SOMETIMES I WOULD ASK MYSELF...

IF I CAN SURVIVE THE NAM, I CAN SURVIVE ANYTHING.

BUT FOR SOME REASON, I ALWAYS PULLED MYSELF TOGETHER.

This book is

dedicated to

John Price and

Billy Voje.

Typeface used:

Courier and

Trade Gothic

Instructor:

Yvan Martinez

Images used

are FPO and not

owned by Jane

Gardner.

This book was

designed by

Jane Gardner at

Central Saint

Martins in the

Spring of 2013.