the impact of grief and loss

The Impact of Grief and Loss

Our work, in large part, is dealing with the aftermath of loss

What is Grief and Loss?

“deep and poignant distress caused by being left desolate and alone”

Our Goals with Loss

• Identify It

• Diminish It

• Deal with what remains

6 Categories of Loss

• Relationship Loss• Loss of Objects of Comfort• Loss of Secure / Familiar Environment• Loss of Self• Loss of Skills / Abilities /

Competencies• Loss of Familiar Habits / Routines

Sometimes the most challenging behaviors we see in our children and youth are manifestations of the grief and loss they suffered

Developmental Mourning Behavior

Pre-school

• Excessive activity

• Fearful

• No words to process what happened

• Self-blame, someone must be responsible

• Crying, expression of painful feelings

• Clingy, fear of abandonment

Developmental Mourning Behavior

Latency• Changes in eating and sleeping• Distraught, preoccupied• School problems (grief takes emotional effort)• Anger; lack of control• Withdrawn, passive, unwilling to connect

Developmental Mourning Behaviors

Adolescence • Risk taking• Self destruction, suicidal thoughts• Running away• Drugs and alcohol• Depression

“Pooh, promise you won't forget about me, ever. Not even when I'm a hundred."

Pooh thought for a little. "How old shall I be then?"

"Ninety-nine."

Pooh nodded. "I promise," he said.

--A. A. Milne, "The House at Pooh Corner", Chapter X Winnie the Pooh

Losses We Can Diminish

• Loss of kin

• Loss of siblings

• Loss of friends

• Loss of community / school

The siblings and kin of children and youth in care had nothing to do with them entering care. In most cases they are also grieving the loss of their kin, sister, brother or friend.

Good Practice in Kin and Sibling Connections

• Always make decisions that honor connections to kin, siblings, community

• Start early to make connections and keep connecting and re-connecting during entire life of case

Never give up

Siblings In Out-Of-Home Care

“Sibling pairs placed together were more likely to remain in their first placement (56%) than those placed separately, and it was less likely for one of the pair to experience a placement disruption than for the separately placed siblings”

Child Welfare League of America, Ilene Staff, Edith Fein

In 2004 a study completed on successful adolescent adoption noted that 93% of these youth had contact or some sort of connection to kin or siblings

Siblings in Out-of-Home Care

“The majority of children in out-of-home care have siblings—between 87% and 90%—yet agencies succeed at keeping siblings together as little as 25% of the time”

Timberlake and Hamlin 1982

Good Practice in Kin and Sibling Connections

• Decide from beginning to honor kin, sibling, community connections

• Start early to make connections

• Keep connecting and re-connecting throughout case

Never give up

Suggested Practices to Keep Siblings Together

• Introduce children into family in staggered placements

• Present sibling groups together in photo-listings, recruitment, campaigns

• Encourage sibling communication, visitation if in separate placements

• Place children in homes in same neighborhoods, schools

Good Decision-Making for Siblings

• Assess siblings’ relationship• Schedule a staffing • List of pros and cons• For each argument to separate, challenge

and test choice • Once decision is made, document

reasons in writing

Good Decision-Making for Siblings• If siblings are placed separately, develop a

concrete plan

• Help caretakers identify potential issues at visits

– Plan to deal with them

• At end of staffing, decide who will tell children and how

In Pennsylvania

• We do well with sibling connection until TPR

• Fostering Connections addresses importance of connection to kin, siblings, community