tedxtallahassee 2015

Dr. Mary Kay KellerTEDxTallahassee 2015

Slides

What First Time Fathers Shared About Fathering!

A Candid View of Fathering Experiences

When I was born my father took my mother to the hospital. She was admitted and my father was directed to the waiting room. My mother labored in the labor room, delivered in the delivery room,recovered in the recovery room.

It was only when she was tucked into her room by the nurses that dad was allowed to see her again and only during visitation hours.

He saw me for the first time through the glass window where I lay in a bassinet with all the other babies in their bassinets.

2015

Fathers are in the delivery rooms cutting the umbilical cords, catching their babies, and even delivering their babies!

91% of fathers are involved with the mother at the time of their babies birth!82 % of single fathers are involved with the mother at the time of their babies birth! This father involvement drops to less than 50% by the time the child enters pre-school!

Attachment is the result of specific behaviors reinforcing a relationship over time which equals commitment or the “Stick Factor!”

Bonding is the bio-chemicalreaction (chemistry) between two human beings which ignites through the five senses!

Why Infant Massage?

RESEARCH

WHAT FATHERS SHARED ABOUT THEIR

EXPERIENCES LEARNING TO MASSAGE THEIR

BABIES!

I don’t have a breast!

Motivation=

Baby +

Mommy

Desire=

Opportunity +

Access

Commitment =

Competency +

Confidence

AwarenessEmotionsEngagementMotivationRelationshipSensitivity

What fathers in the community who heard me

talk about my research shared about their own experiences when their

child was born!

“I felt like an interloper!”“Even though I was there, no one talked directly to me. They

talked exclusively to the mother.”

On March 8, Ashton Kutcher posted on Facebook and tweeted on Twitter how he tried to take his child to the bathroom at a sporting event and found no diaper changing station.

The response was global by both men and women.

Missing Fathers

Missing fathers cost society 1.5 Million Dollars per child in social services!

At What Cost to Society?

Pre Birth & Infancy $ 58,000Early Childhood Years $ 34,300Elementary School Years $ 74,100Secondary & Teen Years $ 475,700Other Adult Years $ 895,000Total Cost One Child $1,536,100Total Cost for Infant Massage

In Home Instruction $ 300-$500

I have a DREAM!

I have a dream where we challenge our belief systems about mothers and fathers!

Remember when you first picked up a doll? When we girls played with dolls we were practicing mothering and being coached by adults.

When little boys pick up dolls they are shamed away and pointed towards toys, weapons of mass destruction. In this moment they are introduced to the delusion of male superiority, they are told they are too good to nurture, to be FATHERS!

Little boys are denied the opportunity to practice fathering!

I have a DREAM! Where we realize that our rights as adults do not supersede the rights of every child to be loved, nurtured and cared!

I have a dream where we wake up and realize $1.5 million costs to society per child whose father is missing is not acceptable!

I have a dream where Health Care and Business’ include Infant Massage as a prevention class and pay the cost as part of a benefit package for employees!

Businesses, Corporations and Organizations

Employees = Happy Parents = Long Term Retention = Less < Replacement Costs

SHRM estimates

$20 K = $4 K

$40 K = $20 - $30 K

$100 K CEO = $213 K

High Turnovers are contagious!

Lessons of Small Leverage

A small thing done many times can change one person

A small thing done many times by many people can change a community

A small thing done many times by many people in many communities can change the world

Celebrate

We must create the open spaces for the future of all of our children for our mutual survival !

Animals accidentally affect their environment….

Human beings are the only organism on this planet that can consciously create a future environment for themselves...

What do you want to increase & decrease in your FUTURE?