project management and emotional intelligence · 2 véronique m. oury • consultant, trainer and...

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Project Management and

Emotional Intelligence PMI Meeting

Helsinki, May 2018

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VéroniqueM.OURY

•  Consultant, trainer and coach in project management and

interpersonal skills at IIL

•  MScA, PMP, Prince 2 certified, Licensed Human Element

Practitioner, MBTI Practitioner,

Change Management certified, Emotional Intelligence certified

•  20 years of experience in Aerospace, IT, R&D, public sector

and various industries in Canada and France

•  Passions: psychology, arts

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•  Theperfectleader’sstruggle

•  But…Aren’twetalkingabout

Emo?onalIntelligence(EI)here?

•  Beingthebestversionofyourself

Today’sAgenda

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Part1–Theperfectleader’sstruggle

Part2–But,aren’twetalkingaboutEmo)onal

Intelligence(EI)here?

Part3–Beingthebestversionofyourself

Today’sagenda

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ThePMLeader’sClassicSurvival“Toolbox”andOther

ToolsthatareMoreandMoreSuccessful

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ButSomeSyndromesAreBecomingWorse…

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AndtheSameQues)onskeepCroppingup…

DoIreallyhave

tostruggleso

muchwith

conflictsbetween

myownvalues,

theonesofmy

hierarchyorthe

onesofmy

teamstobecome

agreatleader?

«DidIusetheright

leadershipstyleat

therightmoment

withtheright

person?»

«Doesthistrick,orthatone,

workwithanyone,inany

culturalenvironnent?»

Howcomemyboss

sentmetoa

leadershiptraining

whenheissuchabad

leaderhimself?

«Iamsoafraidofmoving

tosympathyandnotbe

abletomanagethe

emo?onsofmyteam

memberssoIratherkeep

mydistance»

«Icannotwear

thesemasks

anymore…»

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•  Intelligent use of our emotions to help us navigate social situations.

•  A conscious effort where a person…

•  Identifies the current emotional state

•  Determines the emotional trigger or source of the emotional state

•  Chooses a reaction from a range of possibilities

Marcia Reynolds, Outsmart Your Brain, 2004

Defini)on:Emo)onalIntelligenceis…

IQ gets you through school, but EI gets you through life!

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Emo)onalIntelligence:FiveComponents

Mo)va)on

Intrapersonal

intelligence

Interpersonal

intelligence Empathy

Socia

l Skills –

Effe

ctive R

ela

tionsh

ip

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The ability to recognize and understand your moods, emotions and drives, and

to understand their impact on your behavior and decisions, and their effect on others.

Likely Outcomes:

•  Self confidence

•  Realistic self assessment

•  Self-deprecating sense of humor

SelfAwareness

The more you understand yourself, the more you can improve the impact you have on others.

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Self-awareness.Aprac)caltool!

CONTROL INCLUSION OPENESS BEHAVIOR

Feeling (influencing the bahavior)

Interpersonal

fear

Low High

Important Competent Likable

Ignored /

abandoned Humiliated /

embarrassed

Rejected

/ unliked

Source:L’ElémentHumain,WillSchutz,

InterEdiBons

Low High Low High

Souplesse/rigidité

Source:L’ElémentHumain,WillSchutz,

InterEdiBons

Modelexplaining(in)compa)bili)esin75%ofthecases

Theenemy=rigidi)es

I belong to the PMI, Direction board, …

Delivering projects, coaching, training,

I share my « secrets »

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q  DenialCri?c

q  DemanderHelper

q  Vic?mMasochist

Self-awareness.Whatareyourfavoritedefense

mechanismswhenexperiencingfears??

Source:L’ElémentHumain,WillSchutz,

InterEdiBons

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q  Denial!

Noneofthem?Yourfavoriteoneiscertainlythe…

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Self-awareness.Aprac)caltool!

CONTROL INCLUSION OPENESS BEHAVIOR

Feeling (influencing the bahavior)

Interpersonal

fear

Low High

Importan

t

Competent Likable

Ignored /

abandoned Humiliated /

embarrassed

Rejected

/ unliked

Source:L’ElémentHumain,WillSchutz,

InterEdiBons

Low High Low High

Souplesse/rigidité

Source:L’ElémentHumain,WillSchutz,

InterEdiBons

Modelexplaining(in)compa)bili)esin75%ofthecases

Theenemy=rigidi)es

I belong to the PMI, Direction board, …

Delivering projects, coaching, training,

I share my « secrets »

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The ability to control or redirect disruptive impulses and moods.

The propensity to suspend judgment, and to think before acting.

Likely Outcomes:

•  Trustworthiness and integrity

•  Comfort with ambiguity

•  Openness to change

SelfRegula)on

Control your emotions so they don’t control you.

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DifficultyWhenTryingtoRegulateOneself:

TheScienceBehindEmo)ons

Brain Stem §  Temperature

§  Breathing

§  Heart Rate

§  Reflexes

Amygdala

§  Feeling; emotional memory

§  Emotional learning

Neo-Cortex §  Thinking; IQ resides here

§  Working memory (i.e., analysis,

planning, decisions, reflection, creativity)

Our Brain’s Wiring Causes Us to Feel Before We Think – Emotions Before Thought; “Amygdala Hijack”

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Self-Regula)onStrategy–S.O.S.S.

•  …To counter Amygdala Hijacking, we want to use the “whole” brain – the thinking and feeling parts working together.

•  Use the feeling part (Amygdala) as an early warning system.

•  Use the thinking part (Neo-cortex) to employ the S.O.S.S. strategy:

•  Stop – step back from the trigger – take a “time out”

•  Oxygenate – Amygdala shortens your breath

•  Strengthen Appreciation

•  Seek Information – it is information your thinking mind needs in order to over-ride your Amygdala

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A passion to work for professional goals that go beyond money or status.

A propensity to pursue goals with energy and persistence.

Likely Outcomes:

•  Strong drive to achieve

•  Optimism, even in the face of failure

•  Organizational commitment

Mo)va)on

Motivation fuels your aspirations and learning experiences.

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•  Instrumentalmo)va)on()tle,money,advantages,…)

•  Managerialmo)va)on(leadpeopletorealizethingsinaccordancewithone’svalues)

•  Community-relatedmo)va)on(workwithfriends)

•  Professionalmo)va)on(toincreaseone’sknowledge)

4EasilyIden)fiableMo)va)ons–anOldModel

Source:inspiredfrom«Les4typesd’engagement»fromVincent(Ch)in«Développezvotrepouvoirparl’analysetransac)onnelle,»,Edi)onsd’Organisa)on,Paris,in1988

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Mo)vate,AccordingtoHarveyFirestone

"I noticed that the money was never enough to

make the valuable men act. What tempts them, is

the risk, the wrestling, the possibility of overcoming,

of surpassing oneself. All the competitions have no

other mobile than that one: the desire to excel and

to assert its importance".

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SELF-AWARENESS

SELF-ESTEEM

Rigidi)es

Strengths

SELF-REGULATIONANDSELF-

ACCEPTANCE

+MOTIVATIONS

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“All behaviors come from the

self-esteem”, (Will Schutz)

-  I am not afraid to look at me clearly. I am

aware of thoughts and emotions and I know

what is happening in me

-  I am not aware and I don’t really know who I am

or what I do

-  I feel the joy coming from my potential

Weak self-esteem, some examples

-  I feel powerless… I am a victim of the fate, of

coincidences, of the environment, of the

economy, of the variable economic climate and of

other persons

-  I feel insignificant…

-  I feel incompetent, not responsible, one cannot

count on me…

-  I am not an amiable person. If people were

knowing me …

-  I am furious against myself when I fail

-  I am hard and demanding and use this as the

reason why people don’t like me

-  I don’t know why I am doing certain things that

generate problems… such as criticizing others

and circumstances for bad emotions

High self-esteem, some examples

- I talked directly to people instead of talking in

their back.

-  I feel competent to confront the situations that

are difficult for me.

-  I feel important, hence I do not demand

attention. And I understand my impact on

others.

-  I feel amiable. I’d rather be appreciated but if I

am not, I know I am still “amiable”.

-  I can follow orders without resentment and

give some without guiltiness or fear of

punishment.

-  I accept critics and make good use of them.

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The ability to understand other people from their perspective.

Skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions,

by adapting your thoughts, decisions, and actions.

Likely Outcomes:

•  Cross-cultural sensitivity

•  Expertise in building and retaining talent

•  Service to others (e.g., customers)

Empathy

Respond better to others through understanding and sensitivity.

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EmpathyandSympathy

•  Sympathy – A relationship in which whatever affects one person affects the other in a similar way (e.g., You’re frustrated; therefore, I’m frustrated).

•  Empathy – The identification and understanding of the thoughts or feelings of the other (e.g., I can see that you are frustrated. What is frustrating you?).

•  Over-using Empathy may appear as too soft, a push-over, or too close to someone and unable to act objectively.

•  Under-using Empathy may be less caring (or tolerant) of others, focused on “results” only, uncomfortable with people’s issues, and may find personal needs (and small talk) an inappropriate topic at work.

Strike a balance: understand the context within the sphere of influence

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Proficiency in managing relationships and building networks with others, the community/society.

An ability to find common ground and build rapport.

Likely Outcomes:

•  Effectiveness in leading change

•  Persuasiveness; Motivating; Influencing

•  Expertise in building and leading teams

SocialSkills–Effec)veRela)onships

Make strong, long-lasting relations with others and effectively manage any conflicts.

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Emotional Intelligence…

•  Helps motivate and inspire you toward fulfilling your goals and ensuring alignment with your values…

•  Helps face your fears – or at least not be impacted unconsciously by them

•  Improves your ability to influence, persuade, and collaborate with others…

… to perform better

… to achieve accomplishments

Helps become the best version of yourself!

SummaryBenefits

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•  Harvard researchers took a cross-section of graduates from

law, medicine, and business and tracked them for 30 years

to identify indicators of success.

•  “Success” was defined by professional achievement in their

prospective fields as well as stability and sustainability in key

relationships.

•  Findings: Emotional Intelligence (EI) accounted for more

than double that of IQ and Technical Skills combined as a

predictor of professional success.

PredictorsofWorkplaceSuccess

“Emotional intelligence isn’t a luxury you can dispense with in tough times. It’s a basic tool that, deployed with finesse, is key to professional success.”

Harvard Business Review, April 2003

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While IQ is relatively fixed – at age 16,

our levels of IQ become fairly concrete.

Emotional intelligence can be learned and

improved at any age.

TheGoodNews...

The Bad News. . . The higher the IQ, the higher the chances to be

hypersensitive, and be highjacked by our

amygdala.

High IQ or not, the only chance to be a successful

leader is to work on EI to become one’s best version

and simply be remarkable… !

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hYps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=veEQQ-N9xWU

Theartofbeingyourself|CarolineMcHugh|TEDxMiltonKeynesWomen

From2’50’’to5’30’’

BeingtheBestVersionofYourself…InPictures

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QUESTIONS?

« The greatest victory is the one wan over oneself, Alexandre Legrand"

"

"

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Intelligence–Integrity–Innova)on

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Emotional Intelligence, conference, IIL

L’intelligence émotionnelle, Daniel Goleman, 1995

The art of being remarkable, Yann Girard, 2015

L’art de diriger, Joseph L. Badaracco, Jr. (HBR)

L’Elément Humain, Comprendre le lien entre estime de soi, confiance et performance, The Human Element, Will Schutz, 2006

Simon Sinek “Why good leaders make you feel safe”, TED, 2014

La guérison des 5 blessures, Lise Bourbeau, 2015

“Outsmart Your Brain”, Marcia Reynolds, 2004

Les 4 types d’engagement from Vincent (Ch) in Développez votre pouvoir par l’analyse transactionnelle, 1988

Trop intelligent pour être heureux, L’adulte surdoué, Jeanne Siaud Facchin, March 2015

Adultes sensibles et doués, Odile Jacob editions, Arielle Adda and Thierry Brunel, February 2015

BiographyandReferences

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