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Post on 07-Apr-2018
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YOU ARE ABOUT TO GAIN ACCESS TO THE WORLD’S MOST HIGHLY SECURED BLACKBERRY®.
PRAISE FOR KASPER HAUSER’S PREVIOUS WORK:
“Wicked funny.”
“Might be the funniest thing you read this year.”
“Move over, National Lampoon.”
YouTube
Dick Cheney sent a video: Baby panda…
Bill Clinton
Can you send Hillary to Syria this Friday?
Dennis Kucinich
Mahalo! I am selling my 1977 VW bus
PayPal
You have sent AIG $173,000,000,000
Arnold Schwarzenegger Let me go after Bin Laden alone
George W. Bush
Did my dog show up at your house?
Evite
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is turning 53!
Joe Biden has poked you on Facebook
Dr. Dre Make me Surgeon General
Inbox (19)
C o v e r d e s i g n b y M a r i o J . P u l i c eC o v e r p h o t o g r a p h b y K e l l y C a m p b e l l
V i s i t o u r w e b s i t e a t w w w. H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p . c o mP r i n t e d i n t h e U . S . A . © 2 0 0 9 H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p , I n c .
9:57
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$13.99 / $16.99 in Canada
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Text message from: Joe Biden, Vice President
BidenMyTime: hey u, whatcha doin?
BarackO: m really busy. w/ joint chiefs
BidenMyTime: need me?
BarackO: got it covered. keep working on yr pet project.
BidenMyTime: puppy?
BarackO: universl healthcare.
BidenMyTime: right can I leave at 4:45?
BarackO: don’t care.
BidenMyTime: how does MySpace work?
BarackO: not now. ask malia.
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FROM: Arnold SchwarzeneggerTO: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: Let me go after Bin Laden alone
Dear Mr. President,
Listen to me: with a parachute, some Red Bulls and a crossbow I could capture Bin Laden in 24 hours. I could even do it naked. I will grow my hair long for this.
Really, it would be like fi ghting with a homeless man: so easy. A NURSE COULD BEAT HIM UP. What’s the problem?! Drop me in there.
Arnold
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25
Text message from: Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice
JustClarence: hey
BarackO: hey
JustClarence: u wanna hang out?
BarackO: no
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FROM: John McCainTO: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: computer message from John McCain via computer
Barack,
This is Senator John McCain. (My granddaughter is typing this message 4 me).
I am sorry for some of the stuff I said about you during the campaign. My granddaughter loves you and wishes you were her grandpa. What are you typing? Stop typing! How does that thing work? Do you just type it all in there and then mail it to Barack? Come back here!
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FROM: acoulter7648@aol.comTO: Barack ObamaSUBJECT: Your secret admirer!
You don’t know who this is, and you NEVER would think how much I like you and think you are SO CUTE, ohmigod. Guess where I am? At. The TGI FRIDAY’S!!!!. My ffavorite favorite favorite!
My phon is ringing, hang on . . . I’m back. Bill O’Reilly! Is comingg down here! Whoops. That’s a free hint! You are so great. Why are there drinks so small? Did I already write you? There’s NO goodlooking guys here. Oh I am going to boot.
XOXOXKissesSecret AdmirerI love you
K, I booted, and now I’m rallying : )
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Text message from: Bill Clinton
WildBill: hey barack!
BarackO: hey bill whats up?
WildBill: can u send Hillary to China next week?
BarackO: ?
WildBill: i’m putting together a surprise party and need her outta house
BarackO: her birthday?
WildBill: no, i’m trying 2 surprise MYSELF
BarackO: ?
WildBill: www.SurpriseYourselfWithHowManyHot SinglesYouCanMeetFromYourZipCode.com
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FROM: Amazon.com TO: Barack Obama SUBJECT: Your Order Has Shipped
Greetings from Amazon.com. The following books have been shipped to you:
You: Being President
What to Expect When You’re Expecting a Portuguese Water Dog
“Mr. Bojangles”: My Wacky Life in Politics by Kim Jong-il
Jay Leno’s Big Book of Mother-in-Law Jokes, Vol. III
Thank you for shopping with us.
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Text message to: Joe Biden, Vice President
BarackO: need your help w/policy issue, Joe.
BidenMyTime: sure thing boss. shoot.
BarackO: what is feasibility of advancing disarmament talks w/other nations (i.e., beyond Russia)?
BidenMyTime: while the vast majority of states have adhered to the stipulations of the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty, a few states have either refused to sign the treaty or have pursued nuclear weapons programs while not being members of the treaty.
BarackO: did u just cut and paste from wikipedia?
BarackO: joe?
BidenMyTime: on amtrak, goin into tunnel, gonna lose u.
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Text message from: Barbara Boxer, Senator (D-CA)
HotBoxer: hey, watcha doin?
BarackO: writing speech
HotBoxer: u goin 2nite?
BarackO: 2 what?
HotBoxer: kegger and phish cover band ☺
BarackO: who’s goin?
HotBoxer: me, pelosi, stinky, j. kerry , muskrat and toolbox
BarackO: gotta work
HotBoxer: kucinich is bringing didgeridoo
BarackO: meh. send pics
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You are about to gain access to the world’s most highlY secured blackberrY.Acclaimed comedy team Kasper Hauser (SkyMaul and Weddings of the Times) has cracked the code with this irreverent and wildly imagi-native parody of our 44th president’s e-mails and text messages.
Praise for kasPer hauser’s Previous work:
“Wicked funny.” — San Francisco Chronicle
“Might be the funniest thing you read this year.” — Marketplace, Public Radio International
“Move over, National Lampoon.” — Seattle Times
YouTube Dick Cheney sent a video: Baby panda…
Bill Clinton Can you send Hillary to Syria this Friday?
Dennis Kucinich Mahalo! I am selling my 1977 VW bus
PayPal You have sent AIG $173,000,000,000
Arnold Schwarzenegger Let me go after Bin Laden alone
George W. Bush Did my dog show up at your house?
Evite Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is turning 53!
Facebook Joe Biden has poked you on Facebook
Dr. Dre Make me Surgeon General
Inbox (19)
C o v e r d e s i g n b y M a r i o J . P u l i c eC o v e r p h o t o g r a p h b y K e l l y C a m p b e l l
V i s i t o u r w e b s i t e a t w w w. H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p . c o mP r i n t e d i n t h e U . S . A . © 2 0 0 9 H a c h e t t e B o o k G r o u p , I n c .
l I T T l e bRown
,
9:57
9:53
9:50
9:50
9:48
9:46
9:45
9:42
9:40
$13.99 / $16.99 in Canada
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