mark cary mercy family services. what motivates parents hostility parental grief/loss over...
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ENGAGING HOSTILE AND AGGRESSIVE
PARENTS IN THE CHILD PROTECTION PROCESS
Mark Cary
Mercy Family Services
What motivates parents hostility Parental grief/loss over child’s removal Loss – daily interaction/responsibility Distress confronting/complex child
protection system Underlying mental health, substance
abuse, domestic violence issues
Definition
“Hostile,is being unfriendly or expressing anger or annoyance towards another. Aggression is an act of attacking without provocation or hostile or destructive behaviour” (Aust.Pocket Oxford Dictionary,1993.
“Aggression may be expressed as verbal aggression,physical aggression or both, towards object people or self with intent to harm” (Rickelman 2005)
Grief impact on Parents Behavior
Grief & loss cycle Gives rise to aggression if not
resolved/managed.(Howells & Day2003) Grief retriggered at points along CP
continuim (O’Neil 2005,Littlechild 2002) Initial removal Initial Court and later reviews of order Family contact face/face ,telephone DOC’s meetings where child is focus Family celebrations – Xmas, b/days
Impact of grief
Parental grief publicly unacknowledged Fear expression due to public
condemnation as “bad parent” Unexpressed grief/unacknowledged
over separation from children can give rise to hostility (Stanley& Goddard 2002)
Impact of grief Cognitively and emotionally preoccupied
distress of separation Unable to listen, comprehend what’s
said, notifications, legal process etc Become frustrated, angry, hostile Ability to address parenting issues
impaired Feel inadequate and leads to further
anger and hostility.
Tips to manage parent grief Acknowledge & validate parental grief in
dialogue & interaction with parents Let it inform case plans Workers limited in support & time Direct parents to professionals for help
to work through grief & manage feelings as they progress through CP system
Tips to manage parent grief Inform parents repeatedly and through
different mediums what is going on Check to ensure they understand
information fully and correctly
Impact of CP system on parents
Grief & loss heightened by fear of removal/continued separation
Powerlessness in relation to worker authority to remove translates to aggression towards workers
Relationship issue
“The power of the CPS worker to move children into foster care taps into a parents fear and sense of powerlessness- feelings that may be expressed as open hostility or passive resistance.” (Palmer 2006)
Must be addressed to form working relationship
Where it can go wrong
Information provision Communication & inclusion in decision
making Working in partnership Power & control
Information provision CP concern insufficient/unclear
information to parents Parents misinterpret, confused, fearful –
frustrated, angry Ambiguity about role of workers/ change
of workers causes confusion Misconceive as primarily for help, but
reality balanced with investigative, assessment or reporting roles
Parents feel misled/distrustful if workers not honest with them
“They came & I told them everything. They said they were going to do this & this for me. Nothing ever happened, I got to court & they had turned around everything I’d said to them”
(Parent in My Family First workshop)
To establish open honest relationship & avoid distrust Explain clearly role, limits and the
purpose of your intervention. Ensure they have info they need &
check their understanding Explain what has happened, why & what
the casework/legal processes will be Provide records/info variety mediums
Communication and Inclusion Fear/anxiety over safety of children in
out of home care. Fear they may be replaced by carers Limited or no mechanisms for getting
info on well-being of children – practice vs policy
Anger, hostility about care of children
Practice tips
Safe parent/child contact ASAP Constructive parent/carer relationship
promoted where safe Provide regular info on child progress Promote alternative forms of contact
if direct contact unsafe• Educate about roles, training, standards
and monitoring of carers
Parents experience of CP system• Confused by statutory/legal process• Intimidated in meetings• Distressed at short notice of meetings• No time to prepare or compose• Uninformed about purpose of meetings• No support person present/encouraged• Not invited to place own matters on agenda (FIN 2007, Dale 2004)
Practice tips• Hold meetings at mutually convenient
times• Inform as to purpose prior to meeting• Provide relevant info beforehand• Encourage parents items on agenda• Encourage support person• Facilitate parents to voice opinion
Practice tips
Listen actively to understand parents situation & point of view
Every day language. Check their understanding
Provide documentation on what was said and agreed outcomes
Practice Tips
NGO/SP assist parents before meeting with what they want to say and do at meeting
Training in basic assertive communication skills so can represent themselves positively.
Identify limits to availability to respond to parents enquiries.
Further systems challenges Following removal of children parents
need accurate info as to safety concerns/reasons for removal
Current practice often full concerns withheld.
Tasks needed to achieve reunification vague or shifting
Confused angry as goal posts shift
Practice tips
Parents need clear precise reasons for removal
Prioritised goals to achieve for reunification
Include behavioural indicators of progress
In partnership with Parents
Workers style can impact positively or negatively on parents willingness to engage
Workers can avoid evoking anger and promote engagement by
Not “wearing authority like a crown” Not being excessive or arrogant Leaving parents feeling negatively
judged Pursuing unproductive questioning that
had the potential to push parents over the edge
Leaving parents with no alternatives or ways forward (Dale 2004)
Qualities that evoke engagement Open Respectful Honest Clear about purpose of intervention(Littlechild2004)
Additional Qualities
• Good at listening • Understanding • Resourceful • Respectful• Humorous• Matter of fact
(FIN 2007;Dale 2004)
Quote
“We’ve been very lucky –he’s great. He’s been very helpful, his mannerism, we’ve even looked forward to him coming. He’s not treated us like criminals – not like we were treated at first. He’s obviously taken everything in – seen the big picture” (Dale 2004)
Power and Control The impact of a workers use of power
influences whether parents respond in a negative/hostile way or work collaboratively (Dumbrill 2006)
View power used over them in a coercive way - control
Power being used with them to do things in their child’s interests was viewed as support
Practice tip
To help parents see workers as allies working in their child’s interests provide practical assistance e.g.link to Centrelink, suitable housing, food
Provide words of encouragement
These are what they value & remember
Monitor own responses to anger
Avoid power & control dynamics by becoming defensive or going on the offensive & becoming authoritarian.
“ engaging in a power struggle by subtly or overtly trying to establish authority over the angry client can result in an escalation of aggression”
(Texas Dept of Mental Health and Mental retardation 1999)
Skills to reduce anger/hostility
Calm body language Non-threatening voice tone Reflect on parents feelings/behaviors Calming validation of expressed feelings
while providing guidelines, choices & alternatives (Horejsi & Garthwait 1998; Crofoot 2006)
Psychiatric,drug,alcohol or aggressive social behaviours
Sometimes parents with mental health, alcohol/drug issues, controlling, anti-authority attitudes or previous patterns of violence are not prepared to engage cooperatively whatever the skills/ attempts of the worker
(Littlechild,2003,2005)
Psychiatric,drug,alcohol or aggressive social behaviours
For some parents with a history of DV maintaining power and control of their family is threatened by workers authority
Will direct aggression and violence against workers to prevent intervention (Stanley & Goddard 2005)
Practice Tips
Obtain professional assessment of identified mental health, drug or alcohol issues
Identify stress triggers for hostility Gain advice – how to communicate &
interact to develop trust & working realtionship
Self management strategies Talk respectfully Assess own feelings and monitor own
reaction Avoid engaging in a power struggle Avoid defensiveness or going on
offensive If parent aggressive secure safety in line
with service policy
Self management strategies Ignore anger if not reached aggressive/threatening
levels Remain concerned. Focus on their feelings.
Respond to what may be behind their anger. Avoid overly insisting they confront upsetting
material, hurtful comments Remain calm if refuse to cooperate Acknowledge their concerns seek reasons refusal Offer choices, acceptable alternatives. Invite to
problem solve with you
Protection of workers in face of parental aggression Essential for workers to report parental
aggression Seek help and use agency resources to
minimize risk to themselves Access counseling for associated stress
& trauma Ensure good agency policy re worker
support post aggressive incidents
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