love, courtship, and marriage

Love, Courtship, and Marriage

Crush• a painful experience, very common among

middle schoolers (and high schooler's and even adults to a lesser degree) that involves being obsessed with a member of the opposite sex (or the same sex, if u prefer), being attracted to them physically (most common), or emotionally- also called 'puppy love'

- Urban Dictionary

Seven types of Crushes

The Grown-Up Crush/ Adult Crush

It entails realizing your crushing on someone and using that fantasy relationship to explore aspects of

yourself

The Puppy Love/Childlike Crush

It is that longing for closeness that many of us can probably remember

from our grade school years

The Hot Crush/Adolescent Crush

The days of raging hormones… when one thought summed up the whole of our existence: “I

want to do her or him.”

The Obsessive/Stalker Crush/Plain Obsession

–This is what happens when a crush gets out of control

–The line between fantasy and reality has been crossed and

ignored.

The Friend Crush

have formed a great friendship with them, and then, one day out of the

blue *wham!* you’re suddenly head over heels for them

The Hollywood Crush/Character Crush/Literary Crush

Having a crush on a fictional character in books, movies, and

the like

THE INTERNET CRUSH/PUBLIC CRUSH

– It’s a crush! It’s flirting! – This one can cause trouble in some real

relationships, but can also be a healthy outlet

Love

15 Different Kinds of Love

InfatuationLoving feelings towards a

love object that are largely based upon fantasy and idealization instead of

experience

Romantic LoveAn abiding love for a

partner with whom you feel passion, attraction,

caring and respect.

ErosA passionate love

usually involving sexual feelings for a love

interest

Cupid or “Eros”

Companionate Love

Feelings of warmth towards a friend with whom you love

to spend time

Unconditional Love

A type of affection and caring that is so strong that you

feel it consistently, regardless of what that

other person does

Conditional Love

A love that requires specific action or conditions in order

to be maintained.

Puppy LoveA childish, innocent temporary crush on

someone that you don’t know well

Maternal Love

This term usually connotes love that is nurturing,

accepting and protective

Paternal Love

This term connotes love that involves guidance and

some authority.

Soul mate Love

This type of love is described as a love that has survived

multiple life times.

Spiritual/Divine Love

This type of love recognizes the Divine light

Love of Country/Patriotism

This is love for the place you live or the place that were born.

Self-Love

This is a positive feeling that you have about who you are and

what you deserve.

Brotherly Love

This term connotes having a feeling of love for your

neighbor

Tough Love

This term is used to describe a love that is expressed by setting boundaries for the good of the

other person

How to Love Yourself

Treat others with love and respect

Create goodwill and thankfulness

by practicing random deeds of kindness

Express yourself, perhaps in a

diary, or through short stories

LEARN TO LET GO OF PAST

EVENTS

Forgive yourself

Put positive statements up

some places where you will see them

each and every day

Sit in front of the mirror

Try to look past "material"

objects and feelings

KEEP A JOURNAL

BE PERSISTENT

Start working toward how and what you want

to do and be

Don't define yourself by what you've done

Hug Yourself

Be who you really are

TRUST YOURSELF

Think of five positive words

that describe you

Think about what you really want someone

to be like in a relationship

Practice receiving

love

PRACTICE SAYING “NO”

Do what you love

Treat yourself like you treat your

very best friend

Nurture yourself

STOP COMPARING

YOURSELF TO OTHERS

Stop trying to be perfect

Courtship

COURTSHIP

The period in a couple's relationship which precedes

their engagement and marriage, or establishment of an

agreed relationship of a more enduring kind

Courtship as a Social Theory

“Courtship is normally triggered and controlled by women, driven mainly by non-verbal behaviors

to which men respond.”

~Moore and Perper

Four phases of species-typical courtship process

• looking for and appraising potential sexual partners

• pretactile interaction with those partners

• tactile interaction with them• sexual intercourse

Courtship in the Philippines

• It takes a far more subdued and indirect approach

• Involves stages• It is common to see the male

showing off by sending love letters and love poems, singing romantic songs and buying gifts for the female

Courtship in the Philippines

• Practice of singing romantic love songs, reciting poems, writing letters, and gift-giving

• A Filipino male suitor expresses his interest to a woman in a discreet and friendly manner

• No approaching on the streets and asking for a woman’s number

Courtship in the Philippines

• The teasing practice assists in discerning the actual feelings of the male and the female involved

• A Filipino woman is "shy and secretive" about her feelings for a suitor

• The Filipino man fears rejection by a woman

Courtship in the Philippines

• The "teasing phase" also helps a man who could be "torpe”

• Asking the help of a “human bridge”

• Courting a woman in the Philippines is described as a courtship that also includes courting the woman's family

• Serenading a woman at night

Courtship in the Philippines

• A traditional Filipina is expected to play "hard to get”

• The woman can also have as many suitors, from which she could choose the man that she finally would want to date

• PDAs not allowed• Pamamanhikan stage

Public Display of Affection

Pamamanhikan

Modern Courtship

• Starts with the "teasing stage" conducted by friends

• Involves a common friend• Emergence of new technologies

Parents still prefer that their daughters be formally courted

within the confines of the home

Still valuing the avoidance of

premarital sex

Marriage

Marriage is the union of two different surnames, in friendship and in love, in order to continue

the posterity of the former sages, and to furnish those who shall preside at the sacrifices to

heaven and earth, at those in the ancestral temple, and at

those at the altars to the spirits of the land and grain.

~Confucius

Marriage/Matrimony/Wedlock

• Social union or legal contract between people called spouses that establishes rights and obligations between the spouses, between the spouses and their children, and between the spouses and their in-laws

• Usually formalized at a wedding or marriage ceremony. The ceremony may be officiated either by a religious official, by a government official or by a state approved celebrant

Carl and Ellie of “Up” Story

Arranged Marriage

Rights and Obligations

• Giving a husband/wife or his/her family control over a spouse's sexual services, labor, and property.

• Giving a husband/wife responsibility for a spouse's debts.

• Giving a husband/wife visitation rights when his/her spouse is incarcerated or hospitalized.

Rights and Obligations

• Giving a husband/wife control over his/her spouse's affairs when the spouse is incapacitated.

• Establishing the second legal guardian of a parent's child.

• Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of children.

• Establishing a relationship between the families of the spouses.

The 7 Stages of Marriage

Stage One: Passion

Very strong and significant

Stage Two: Realization

A more real vision of the rest of your life begins

Stage Three: Rebellion

Simultaneously offended at being called wrong and claiming the moral high

ground

Stage Four: Cooperation

Step Five:Reunion

Step Six: Explosion

Mission: Deal the best you can with life’s challenges and changes, but at the

same time, keep yourself happy and healthy.

Step Seven:Completion

–there is never a belief that the best times are

over –– they should always be

today and tomorrow

Common Marital

Problems

COMMUNICATION

“To truly know another, we must be willing to see the world through their eyes, not simply our own. If we listened as well as we spoke,

really connecting would take care of itself .”

UNRESOLVED BAGGAGE FROM YOUTH

“Sometimes when we're in bed with our partner, it can be

really crowded with invisible and unwanted visitors.”

UNFULFILLED EXPECTATIONS

“We must be willing to look closely and honestly at ourselves to see if these are

truths about us. Not everyone is willing to do this. To truly understand what you are seeing in another, you must first hold up a

mirror and understand what you are seeing there.”

SEX AND INTIMACY

“If your sex life is in need of a tune-up, chances are your relationship needs tuning

first.”

RESENTMENTS

“If you've ever been forgiven for your "falls from grace" in life, you know how

powerful a healing experience it is. Much as resentments are poison to a

relationship, ownership and mutual forgiveness are its salvation.”

INFIDELITY

Killer of trust and commitment

In-Laws

“Both the wife and the mother-in-law are competing for the attention of the

husband.”~John Gottman, PhD

Cure: Solidarity

MoneyLack of balance between

money’s problem and power

Cure: Plan as a financial team

Housework

Not supporting each other in tasks

Cure: “When husbands do their share to maintain the home, the couple reports a more satisfying sex life.”

~Gottman

Kids

According to surveys, 70% of married women feel unsatisfied when the baby

arrives

Cure: Wake up to reality

Sex

Sexual desires are not as blissfully matched as you had thought

Cure: Trust