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“Involving and Engaging Parents In USA Youth Hockey
Programs”
Research Report
Including Suggested Guidelines, Activities, and Checklist
For Success
Submitted to
USA HOCKEY LEVEL 5 Research Project Review Committee
BySteve Flavin
Coach, Navy Youth HockeyAnnapolis, Maryland 21401
December 2006
TABLE OF CONTENT
INTRODUCTION - What is this research about”? ……………………….…. 3
I. Goals of USA Hockey ……………………………………………………….. 6
Part A. Goals and Philosophies From The Experienced …………….. 10Coaches’ Perspectives
Part B. Goals from This Coach’s Perspective …………………….….. 13
II. Goals and Expectations of Players/Parents – Do They All Match? …… 15
III. Selection Process: How Players Are Placed on Teams? ……………… 18
III. Where Do Parents Come Into Play? ……………………………….… 19
V. Suggested Parent Activities ……………………………………………… 22
VI. Dealing with Difficult Parents …………………………………………… 25
VII. Experiences to Date …………………………………………………….. 28
VIII. Communications With Parents: A Coach’s Checklist as a Guide ….. 31 To Engage Parent Involvement
IX. CONCLUSIONS ………………………………………………………... 33
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References …………………………………………………………………. 35
INTRODUCTION What is this research about?
How often do you hear a parent ask their child who plays USA ice hockey “Did you
WIN”? Or, “How many goals did you score today?” Or, the parent may comment –
“Today, the coaching was terrible; and the officiating was HORRIBLE. No wonder your
team can never win a game”! Even more alarming, the child’s response may include -
“Who cares, I don’t want to play any more. Hockey su__ ___s”.
The manner in which the comments above may be heard; or become know to a coach;
and then correctly addressed, is important to the players, parents, coaches, and officials
alike. A number of coaches, if not all at some point, may say that one of the hardest
aspects, if not the hardest aspects of coaching USA Hockey, is dealing with difficult
PARENTS. That is, coaches find it overwhelming, and near impossible, to satisfy the
expectations of some parents. Too often, these coaches express their concern and
frustration at having to deal with difficult parents. If they (the parents) would just let us,
the coach - “coach” – then their children could learn the game of hockey, come to know
the skills and techniques needed to play the game successfully, and most of all, to have
FUN! A renowned USA Hockey Coach often said to his players and parents: To play
the game is great, to love the game is even greater.
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The purpose of this research is to be an on-going effort to explore ways and approaches
for beginning coaches, especially those coaches at the Atom, Mites, or Squirt levels, to
positively engage and successfully involve parents in USA Youth Hockey Programs.
From start to finish, this writer envisions that there is not just one, right way for coaches
to be successful in their role as a coach and in effectively dealing with parents.
Although many books, reference materials, videos, and a vast array of other documents
exist for helping coaches to “coach hockey” successfully, my experience to date has been
that there is a limited compilation of information on parents.
Note:
At both the Level 4 and Level 5 Coaches program, speakers were asked about “How to
deal with parents”. At each level training session, the speakers responded by saying (in
brief) “There is no easy answer”. They did, however, share their personal suggestions;
but did not refer or cite any textbook references. Thus, my interest was sparked to do a
research project on involving and engaging parents in USA Youth Hockey programs.
With this in mind, this research project explores and focuses on suggested approaches
and strategies for coaches, new or at younger player levels, to become more successful in
the area of parent interaction and involvement in USA Youth Hockey programs. My
experience over the years has been that players and parents in these age groups are most
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impressionable and the least experienced, respectively. I find that at the older age groups
levels, like bantams and midgets, players’ and parents’ attitudes have already been
shaped to the point where it is totally different in dealing with them than with the very
young players and their parents.
The research goes beyond just dealing with difficult parents to also incorporate suggested
activities and reference materials to more fully cover the entire spectrum of parents’
involvement USA Hockey. I proffer that positive parent support and realistic
expectations can truly lend to making hockey more fun and personally rewarding for their
children.
I submit the information contained in this research as a guide and aid to help coaches
meet this challenge. I hope you find the material provided in this research project to be
informative and useful.
Coach Steve Flavin USA Hockey
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I. Goals of USA HOCKEY
For coaches, there is no doubt about the primary goal of USA Youth Hockey. Namely,
it’s not about winning every game, but rather, it’s about teaching players how to play
hockey and having FUN playing the game.
For the youth players, from start to finish, each and every time on the ice should bring a
positive experience. Players, especially at the youth level, often identify their excitement
about playing hockey from watching the professional NHL players and wanting to match,
or imitate, their skills and finesse. Certainly, I was one of them. I grew up in Ann Arbor,
Michigan and players like Gordie Howe, Alex Delvechio, and Stan Mikita, were my
idols. Of course, Bobby Orr, the young phantom defensive superstar soon became
everyone’s favorite. I just wanted to play hockey like them. Certainly, wanting to play the
game well is a positive goal. Wanting to learn the game is important. Wanting to be the
best of the best is admirable. Therefore, coaches need to keep in mind that making
“winning every game”, or “winning is everything” as their team goal is not in line with
the core values and focus of USA Youth Hockey. Let having fun and players being a part
of the game serve as the guide for coaches towards achieving the primary goal of USA
youth hockey.
In searching for written materials and guidance on this very topic, one of the best and
most helpful references that I found regarding a goal for youth hockey can be found in
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the 2005-2007 Official Rules and Casebook of Ice Hockey. Here, under the PREFACE,
Philosophy of Youth Hockey, the authors state:
“Enjoyment and recreational benefits are the major focus of new guidelines for
youth hockey issued by the Board of Directors, USA Hockey. More that 80
percent of over 35,000 registered teams play in the age classifications 17 or-
under, prompting the Youth Council of USA Hockey to emphasize the
educational and recreational values of ice hockey.”
USA Hockey recommended guidelines for youth hockey encourages a
noncompetitive environment in which children and youth can learn the basic
skills without the distractions that are often associated with an over-emphasis on
winning. Mastery of the fundamental skills and the fun of playing are essential to
the development of a lifetime interest in hockey. Program must be conducted to
accommodate the number of players who wish to play hockey and to reduce the
number who become disenchanted and drop out.
These voluntary guidelines are directed at children’s programs, but they must be
implemented by adults if they are to influence youth hockey programs. Coaches,
officials, parents, administrators, and rink operators must all do their part to
ensure that the USA Hockey philosophy and the following guidelines are upheld:
Scoring records should be de-emphasized at the Mite, Squirt, and Pee
Wee classifications.
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An opportunity to practice and play under the direction of a good coach is
the primary prerequisite to skill development. Players should be given
ample opportunities to develop to the limits of their potential, regardless
of their abilities.
It is recommended that adult volunteers place a primary emphasis on the
formal education of players, and de-emphasis on excessive competition
and professionalism in the youth age classification.
An additional resource that I wish to proffer can be found in Stephen R. Covey’s
renowned book, “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”.
Namely, HABIT 2: Begin with the End in Mind. On this topic, Covey writes:
“The most effective way I know to begin with the end in mind is to develop a
personal mission statement or philosophy or creed. It focuses on what you want
to be (character) and to do (contributions and achievements) and on the values or
principles upon which being and doing are based. [Page 106]
As a coach (and also as a business professional), I find this suggested habit to be very
helpful for every coach. Namely, begin with the end in mind - making hockey FUN!
Perhaps too often, coaches, players, and parent alike see, and place, “winning” as the end
result of their hockey experiences. That’s what they perceive the sport of hockey is all
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about – competition. Competition means winning. And when a team doesn’t win, then
hockey just ain’t fun any more. Without further argument, I wholeheartedly suggest that
keeping FUN as the end in mind will help guide and keep coaches on the path to being
highly effective people (coaches). As previously mentioned, begin and end the season
with FUN in mind.
More specifically, how would you make FUN the ultimate goal? I submit not just
by de-emphasizing whether the team won or lost? Rather, I believe the key component is
to focus on whether the players develop more skill and knowledge of the game through
each game/practice regardless of the results. What is it that will make the game fun for
kids besides winning/losing and will keep them interested in showing up at the rink each
and every time? Encourage and compliment your players for great pass work. Give
public recognition from coaches and parents to players for their good team play and
sportsmanship. And, as a coach, demonstrate the willingness and commitment to point
out these types of behaviors and accomplishment that the professional hockey players
exhibit while keeping it in proper perspective for the players. As always, there truly is
more lessons in life to be learned than to say “we won”. Let’s add, and place, equal
importance on becoming a better player and have fun doing it.
HOW? Before, during and after each skate!
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PART A. Goals and Philosophies From The Experienced Coaches’ Perspectives
To identify a solid starting point, get a good sense of direction, and improve my own
personal knowledge of “goals”, I submit the following information from my personal
notes taken during the USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINIC symposium. I
selected this information since it was so profoundly and helpfully presented by one of the
truly great NHL coaches of the game:
“How to Build a Successful Team”Coach Barry Smith
Management, coaches, and staff must all have the same goals (in sync).
Coaching philosophy: Be positive. Fun for players to want to play AND
improve their skills and knowledge of the game.
Establish and follow team guidelines: Rules of Conduct for players and
parents, alike.
Parents must know expectations of coaches.
Parents must assist in the enforcement of “Team Rules”.
ATITUDE defines everything.
From: USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINICRochester, New YorkJuly 12 – 16, 2006
Additionally, my research reveals the following information to cite as a helpful resource
to coaches regarding how to get things off to a good start that involves both player and
parent interactions.
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STARTING THE SEASON - Coach Dennis “Red” Gendron
Coach Gendron advises that the start of the season is pivotal, and it is important to set a
proper tone with the very first meeting. Expounding on the organization’s philosophy
and your own personal philosophy is important. Outlining the basic requirements for
your players is a must. This is serious business, as it is your only chance to make a
favorable impression. You must be well organized so that there is time for all of your
comments and any other agenda items that have to be taken care of. The first meeting
with players and parents must run smoothly and effectively.
Effective teams are similar to high-functioning families in that there is genuine caring for
other members of the group. Further, effective families and teams will, at critical
moments, pull together toward a common goal.
How does a coach create this type of family feeling in a team? Getting the players
together to do something other than playing hockey. He suggests a team outing such as a
meal, a bowling contest, or Ping-Pong tournament, a golf outing, or a fundraiser. These
types of team activities are called team-building experiences. Coach Gendron sees these
as helpful in promoting unselfish attitudes and team cohesion.
Certainly, at the younger levels, my research finds the type of activities for Atoms, Mites,
and Squirts that Coach Gendron has mentioned, are some that we have also done in
similar events over the years.
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We have also done car washes as fundraisers. These can be good ways to develop “team”
effort and helping your fellow “player”. Equally, important, from my experience, these
activities can help to build family communications and positive relationships that at
future times, allow parents to help one another with car-pooling or perhaps other similar
parent-type responsibilities.
The information above is drawn from “Coaching Hockey Successfully” – Advanced Coaching Manual, USA Hockey by Dennis “Red” Gendron with Vern Stenlund.
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PART B. Goals and Philosophy From This Coach’s Perspective – Welcome Letter
NAVY YOUTH HOCKEY
Dear Navy Youth Hockey Rec Mite Team Players/Parents:
On behalf of NYH and the Navy Youth Hockey Rec Team Mites coaching staff, I want to welcome you to the 2006-2007 ice hockey season.
We are looking forward to having a great season and making your hockey playing experience FUN!
As we prepare for our practices and upcoming games for the new season, please find attached an outline of the overall goals and hockey skills activities planned for this year.
Again, welcome. See you on the ice!
Sincerely,
Coach SteveCoach Steve FlavinNavy Youth Hockey Mighty Mites Rec Coach(410) 222-5073
P. S. Enclosed is vitae of my hockey background and experience.
ATTACHMENT - 2
USA YOUTH HOCKEY
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“MITES”Recreation Program GOALS
Coaching PhilosophyYouth Ice Hockey is fun. The rec program helps beginning players to learn new skills, become more familiar with the game of hockey, get great help and encouragement from experienced coaches, understand and always exhibit “good sportsmanship”, and learn to be a team player.
Fundamentals of HockeyThe primary focus of practices and games will be on the following basic skills of hockey:
“Ready to Play Hockey” position [Stance] SKATING STICK HANDLING PASSING SHOOTING TEAM PLAY “RULES of Ice Hockey” Positioning on Ice Offense and Defense Power Play: More Offensive Players/Positioning on Ice Penalty: Our team being “short-handed”
Other Concepts/Knowledge of the Game1. Always have one Defensive Player in front of the goal.2. Never have all three Forwards on the same side of the ice.3. Learning to play various positions, based on skill level/size/interest of player.4. Learn and do warm-up drills/stretching before practice and games to get limber and body physically ready to play.5. Help players to develop good self-confidence.6. Having a team “captain” for each game. (Earn opportunity).7. Players being dressed and ready to play on game day.8. Players being silent when coaches are “talking” in locker room.9. Passing the puck “up-the-ice” is always faster than trying to skate the puck out of our defensive zone.10. Always pass/shoot the puck off the boards when clearing the puck out of our defensive zone. Never pass the puck up the middle. For the 2006-2007 Hockey Season
II. Goals and Expectations of Players/Parents – Do They All Match?
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One of the major challenges of every successful coach is not only to identify and gauge
the expectations of their players, but also those of the parents.
For players - In this section, I suggest that the coach, and assistant coaches preferably
whenever possible, schedule time to sit privately with each player and have a fun
discussion of what the player hopes to do this season. To help accomplish this initiative, I
have developed a small discussion/note sheet that includes the following questions:
1. What position do you like to play?
2. What kind of practice drills do you like? Why? Are there any drills that you do
not like? Why?
3. What things do you like most about playing hockey?
4. Do you like to talk with your fellow players on the team, or parents and friends
about hockey? What kinds of things do you share with them?
5. What might be some things you would like to learn to become a better player?
6. Are you a good person?
7. Are you a good listener?
8. Are you a hard worker?
9. How fast can you skate? With the puck” Without the puck? In all 3 zones?
10. What do you do in the off-season? Do you play any other sports?
For parents –
1. How did your son/daughter become interested in playing ice hockey?
2. What do they say (share with you) about hockey?
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3. What do you hope your son/daughter will experience this season?
4. Are you willing to help enforce team rules?
I am first to admit, that I have only more recently started to more aggressively gather this
type of information from parents as part of my research report, and have found this
information to be very useful.
Some of the responses to the questions above from players and parents are reported
hereafter, with some of my comments. Those chosen reflect that, at times, not all players’
and parents’ goals or expectations may directly match the basic philosophy of USA
Hockey or those of their coaches.
Scenario #1: This young player only wants to play defense. This is a valid interest.
However, I did first speak with the parents on this item to seek their thoughts. I prefer
and encourage all young players to at least try playing some offense. The parents fully
agreed with this philosophy. I indicated that I would go forward. By talking privately
with the player, and stating their parents’ support and also their encouragement to try this,
I was successful in getting the player to at least “try it”. We are still working on this
situation with a view towards increased self-confidence and having “fun”.
Scenario #2: A parent (father) is concerned because the child never scores any goals in
any games to date. This is a real, and often heard, concern by coaches. In my chat with
the parent, I expressed my hopes that their child, as well as other players, will score
goals. Scoring goals is important. However, I shared with the parent in a real sense that
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their child will need to learn and further develop their shooting skills; and to learn better
positioning on the ice. In brief, this is a first year player very limited skills. Thus, my
intent is to support the parent’s interest, but in a more realistic manner. This will be an
on-going challenge since the father has played multiple sports, and wants his child to
succeed as he has done. I am confident that this player can, and will, have an increased
opportunity to score goals this season. Encouragement and critique on my part will be
key components of this effort.
III. The Selection Process: How players are placed on teams?
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This is a very important topic for everyone. My experience has taught me to have printed
materials of the process/forms in place to effectively conduct the selection process.
Players and parents alike must be willing to fully participate in the process; and, allow
coaches to make selections that are:
1. Based on players’ levels of ability/age group
2. Support the local program
3. Abide by USA Youth Hockey rules that stress and encourage building teams
of comparable abilities
4. Discourage making elite teams that just dominate other teams in terms of
ability and predictable outcomes.
This topic can create undue disappointment and possibly feelings of hostility on the part
of players and parents if not done correctly.
Suggestions: In brief, from my experience-
a. Print and distribute the selection methodology and criteria to be used.
b. Use coaches from other teams to assist in the process, whenever possible.
c. Allow parents to be heard in a proper forum. Let them know and give them assurance
that the process was done is a fair and consistent manner. Although all parent complaints
may not be fully satisfied, a reasonable explanation is warranted.
IV. Where Do Parents Come Into Play?
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Although having coached sports for over thirty years, I have recently become more
convinced that parents, just like players, can best compliment their involvement in sports
activities by (formally) pledging to conduct themselves in a proper and mature manner.
That is to say, my research shows that a number of sport programs, for example,
SOCCER COACHING – Soccer Drills, Skills, Rules, Tips [www.SoccerHelp.com],
communicates expected parent behavior in their website literature. My suggestion today
is that USA Hockey may choose to include the CODE OF CONDUCT contained in the
2005-2007 Officials’ Handbook in its training materials. Building on this suggestion,
perhaps having parents “sign” a pledge card at the local USA Youth Hockey program
level may enhance this standard. As a coach, this just makes sense to me to set this
expectation in print form for parents to know and abide by. As a reference, the code is
provided as follows:
Parents Code of Conduct
Do not force your children to participate in sports, but support their desire to play
chosen sports. Children are involved in organized sports for their enjoyment.
Make it fun.
Encourage your child to play by the rules. Remember, children learn best by
example, so applaud the good plays of both teams.
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Do not embarrass your child by yelling at players, coaches, or officials. Showing
a positive attitude towards the game and all of its participants will benefit your
child.
Emphasis skill development and practices and how they benefit your young
athlete. De-emphasize games and competition in the lower age groups.
Know and study the rules of the game, and support the officials on and off the ice.
This approach will help develop and support the game. Any criticism of the
officials only hurts the game.
Applaud good efforts in both victory and defeat, and enforce the positive points of
the game. Never yell or physically abuse your child after a game or practice – it
is destructive. Work towards removing the physical and verbal above in youth
sports.
Recognize the importance of volunteer coaches. They are important to the
development of your child and the sport. Communication with them and support
them.
If you enjoy the game, learn all you can about hockey – and volunteer.
TEAM RULES – PARENT INVOLVEMENT
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Game Time:Games are the place where the results of hard work show, AND WHERE WE HAVE FUN!!!
Players should arrive at the rink at least 1 hour before the game time and should be dressed and ready to hit the ice 15 minutes before the game starts.
o This allows for a pre game warm up, as a team, and ample time for the players to turn their focus towards the game.
Playing Time – if you look over the course of a whole season, all kids will have a LOT of ice time. Certain situations may dictate how coaches decide to choose the ice time, i.e. special teams, disciplinary action, penalty situations, time of game, etc.
Sportsmanship: Win or lose, players must show respect. Always show respect for your opponents. “Right” glove off for the handshake.
After shaking opponents hands, shake the opponents coaches’ hands, as well. Show respect for the officials at all times. No yelling or complaining about calls
made on the ice.Off Ice Conduct:
The dressing room is not a “play” room. No throwing ice or tape, wrestling, or other type of horseplay. This type of behavior can result in accidental injury to someone.
Hotels – Please behave in manner that allows us to be invited back as a team. Proper behavior will be expected and enforced.
Parent Concerns: Please abide by a “24 Hour Cooling Off Period”.
o If you have an issue with something a coach is doing, has done, please do not address the issue in front of any players or other parents. Please allow 24 hours to pass before you attempt to address the issue with the coach. Preference is for parents to address the coach in person, or by telephone, rather than e-mail. Often times, messages are taken out of context via email.
- Excerpts from Coach Patrick M. McNeally, NYH, Annapolis, Maryland.
On these last Team Rules, I would offer that there are times, such as a tournament away
from home, when a coach should be flexible in order to address concerns more readily.
This has been my approach that has proven effective. Thus, good judgment and discretion
should be kept in mind towards rule enforcement.
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V. Suggested Parent Activities
Some of the varied activities that coaches might consider in having parents “involved” in
at the start, and during the course of, the season include: Handouts to parents, team goals,
team rules, and other requests for their participation.
Serving as Team Manager
From this writer’s perspective, a recent article entitled “Team Managers Do More Than
Telephone Trees And Team Parties – Much More in USA HOCKEY MAGAZINE –
December 2006 “FIRE AWAY”, by Bob Schaller, Laramie, Wyoming, accurately
conveys a high level of intensity of parent involvement and interaction in USA Youth
Hockey programs. Some of the key points of the article are referenced below. I have
bolded and underscored some of the key words in the article to add emphasis in support
of my research and findings for this research project.
- Larry Horstman is a Team Manager who was involved in handling the travel
arrangements and logistics for a youth hockey team that was participating in an
international tournament overseas. Not just one, but two players, inadvertently lost their
passport documents, which impacted their travel from Chicago’s O’Hare Airport to their
final destination of Moscow.
Somewhere over the Atlantic Ocean, the team received word that the player’s visa and
boarding passport were found, and the boy was on his way to Moscow via a flight from
Poland, if all went well.
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During the team’s layover in Amsterdam, another player lost his passport before boarding
the connecting flight to Moscow.
“Being in a foreign country, trying to get all that arranged…” Horstman described as the
bureaucratic nightmare. “Such is the life of a team manager, where things change from
day to day, and even minute to minute. The job doesn’t come with a set of instructions
forcing most to make it up as they go. Even the most grizzled veteran find new
challenges lurking around every corner. The team manager is the glue that keeps a team
together and the coach from going insane. Whether it’s booking holiday travel or
arranging post-game snack or finding a spare left skate 10 minutes before a game, being a
team manager is a thankless job that features more ups and downs than a game of Chutes
and Ladders”. As important as being the keeper of the paperwork is, Horstman said, it
takes a back seat to being the facilitator of information and the liaison between the
parents and the coach.
Some additional noteworthy excerpts from the article are as follows-
- Veronica Hon is a four-year team manager for the Anaheim Lady Ducks. She sees
part of her job as being a facilitator and acting as a shield that allows coaches to
concentrate on running the on-ice-show. “You have to be able to let the coach do the
coaching”, said Hon. “The team manager is a liaison to the parents in that regard. And
coaches really appreciate that.”
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- Jim Gray, team manager for the Rampage Double A Midget-minor program in Colorado
Springs. “Paperwork is one of the bigger aspects of the team manager’s job” said -“Part
of my job is convincing parents that I need answers either way. You have to know that
you are making the parents’ experience more enjoyable by all the logistics you do, but the
big thing is knowing that you are helping the kids play a great game that give them good
experiences on the ice, and great experiences to take into the rest of their lives, whether
that’s on the ice, or off it”.
Also, The Hockey Source, a USA Hockey licensee, has created a Team Manager Training Program for individuals, team and associations. To learn more go to TheHockeySource.tv.)
Participation in Other Activities
1. Helping with locker room - “OK” for parents to assist players before
games with equipment/fitting; then exist for “coaches chat with players”.
2. Helping with water bottles and keeping the hockey pucks “bag”.
3. Planning and arranging for treats or snacks after the game (and not just for
winning a game).
4. Helping in penalty box and/or scorer’s booth.
5. Serving as Team Photographer – Post on local league Website. Players
and parents truly enjoy these memories of FUN!
6. Serving as Team Statistician. At higher levels this data is really helpful,
when appropriately and discretely used, especially to build player
confidence and evidence of positive growth.
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VI. Dealing With Difficult Parents
As mentioned in the Introduction to this research project, one of the hardest aspects, if
not the hardest aspects of coaching USA Hockey, is dealing with difficult PARENTS.
What advice can be given to us, volunteer coaches of USA Youth Hockey? At a
minimum, my research is condensed and provided as described below.
Advice To Coaches on Problem Solving: Some Proven Questions to Be Asked, Approaches & Techniques
1. What is the parent’s concern/issue?2. Why is it a concern?3. Look for underlying motive.4. Attempt to understand the concern/issue from the parent’s perspective.5. Avoid personal confrontations.6. Be positive in your manner and genuinely interested in addressing their concern.7. Find the area of conflict: Is it player behavior? Is it not abiding by team rules? 8. Investigate the matter thoroughly to get all appropriate facts. Who observed the
situation/incident?9. Seek others advice, when needed.10. Always keep in mind the fundamental goals of USA Youth Hockey.11. Use proper and respectful communications.12. Don’t characterize or blame. Seek to resolve and not to arbitrarily dismiss.13. A timely response or feedback is important to the parent. 14. Enforcing the rules and codes of conduct should be followed and applied in a consistent
and fair manner.15. Positive relationships are built on trust, communications, and credibility.
Some Additional Key Questions Worth Asking?Is the concern or issue related to behavior problems, rule violations, ability/skills issues, coaching philosophy/methodology, as may be identified or associated to one or more of these aspects:
Late to practice or games Lack of attention Slow learner Lacks sufficient skills to be able to do drill correctly Disruptive behavior with other players Lack of effort Fighting or distracting other players Players yelling at one another Player exhibiting negative attitude – towards other players, maybe towards the coach Destroying other players equipment Is a less skilled player becoming frustrated and losing interest because he/she cannot
keep up with other players More skilled players are frustrated with coach because of non-challenging drills
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Has the coach or assistant coaches effectively communicated instructions – simple and understandable, to include demonstration
Parent interference with players that causes unnecessary disruption during practice/game Is there a possible medical condition unknown to the coach Has the player or parent received or been informed regarding team rules, codes of
conduct, expectations of coaches, the local association/league’s overall program If an incident occurs, when is the best (or most appropriate) time to deal with it –
immediately or in a more planned setting/circumstance, why? What’s more important, the corrective action (remedy/punishment) or the lesson learned
– for who, the player, other players, maybe parents If the parent is the “sources” of the concern, how should the coach handle the situation to
avoid the player being the brunt How does the coach handle an emotional outburst – first time, or repeated?
There are no absolute and controlling answers. Rather, for my personal experience and the many
experiences of other coaches, one must evaluate and judge each situation on its own merits. A
most profound component of any offering of advice is to seek the advice of others before acting.
Learning from others is a foundation of learning for us.
An example from my research this year may be helpful. A player was constantly late. For this
particular player, being late meant 15 to 20 minutes late all the time. I approached the parent and
brought this to their attention. Nothing really improved. As an alternative, I approached one of
my fellow assistant coaches thereafter for some help. After further discussion with the parent, the
assistant coach was able to make arrangements for carpooling. Two lessons were learned. One,
once the lateness stopped, other players and parents also made improved efforts to be on time.
Second, some times a coach, himself, may need to seek assistance in terms of solving an
awkward situation. In the end, this cooperative effort on the part of both coaches and parents
proved valuable to all. Again, there may not always be perfect answers or positive results in
every instance. However, through building positive relationships from the start, more amenable
outcomes are been found.
Elements of Positive Relations – What Are They?COMMUNICATION. .
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Always assume there is a need to talk — consult before deciding or ACBD: communication means both ways — so remember to listen (the most important part of communication) — avoid mixed messages — be explicit.
UNDERSTANDING . . . Learn how the other parties see things; explore their thinking (we may not know how little we actually do know); start by asking what they care about. Know that an absence of interest in your issue does not mean an absence of interest in the relationship.
RESPECT. . .Deal with the other party seriously even though we differ, assume that they are legitimate and competent; give weight to and don’t evaluate their interests; listening to what they say does not imply agreeing with it; asking their opinion does not mean we are obliged to follow it.
TRUST . . . Be wholly trustworthy, but not wholly trusting; realize that others will have reasons to mistrust us; see ourselves as others see us; avoid incorrectly evaluating other’s behavior; base trust on an analysis of risk not on a moral judgment.
POWER . . . Negotiate side by side; attack problems, not people; stay open and delay commitment; avoid either/or choices; focus on what is fair; recognize what each party can do if we fail to agree; know that having a reason for a decision makes it legitimate while leverage, power or coercion does not.
EMOTION . . . Balance emotion with reason; be aware of others’ emotions and of our own; acknowledge emotions without reacting emotionally; prepare for emotions before they arise.
FOCUS. . .Acknowledge and deal with the ‘elephants’ directly rather than use substantive items and concerns to do this; identification of relationship issues does not equal a judgment of them; go to work on the relationship issues separately from content issues.
PROCESS. . . Starting with the problem and the interests of the parties rather than with solutions or positions helps the parties in the relationship develop a process or context within which to bring all these principles to life.
- “Elements of a Positive Relationship” [Abstract]NEA-NAEN TRAINIG DESIGN
Some additional supplemental information on “Dealing With People Who Drive You
Crazy” can be found at www.freemaninstitute.com/seminars.htm. See REFERENCES
for details.
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VII. Experiences To Date
a. What has been learned?
This research has allowed me the opportunity to bring together a variety of references
materials and personal experiences both good and bad in the report to be organized and
used as a suggested guide for fellow coaches for success. Hopefully this information can
be incorporated in a coach’s approach and style of coaching at his/her particular youth
age group and skill level. See Section VIII. of this report that follows regarding these
details.
I want to acknowledge all the many coaches that I have been associated with; and the
lessons learned and shared by other coaches through USA Hockey Coaches Training
programs and symposiums. Please know that the Level 5 National Symposium was the
best! I want to give proper recognition to the parents I have had the opportunity to meet
and incorporate some of their responses and interactions. Lastly, I want to acknowledge
the other sport program (i.e.; soccer USA and baseball) for their sharing of general
information via the Internet website.
b. What can we do better?
1. Read and use the materials appropriate to the level of coaching and style.
2. Build on these materials and experiences. Learn from doing and being proactive.
3. Do some homework! I distinctly remember some case studies from my Associate
Level Clinic training that I offer again for discussion. See REFERENCES for
details.
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c. How do we get there?
1. Share this research report with your league’s director of coaching and other
league officials. Hopefully, they will support and endorse the research as a
positive guide towards improve coaching for first time coaches at the young age
levels. Initial impressions for our young players are so critical.
2. Also share with fellow coaches, alike. Add and build upon their expertise as well.
Incorporate their many experiences.
3. Allow for parents to provide input and comments to the league’s board of
directors and others about the quality and demeanor of team coaches. The intent
of such input should be guided towards improving and supporting the local
program and not discouraging willing and capable persons for entering the
coaching ranks.
4. Get parents involved in a variety of ways: team manger, helping with score
keeping, helping with water bottles, helping in penalty box, and helping with
pucks/equipment. Perhaps like family, the more cooperatively involved, the
better.
5. This writer will continue with this research work as part of an on-going initiative
for “Engaging and Involving Parents in USA Hockey Programs”. The project is
declared to be a good starting point for future development, critique, and
revision(s). Feedback is welcomed.
6. As a coach, I continually and constantly enjoy talking with the players, often
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one-on one, to show a personal interest and care. This approach can go along way,
especially when something unannounced and negative occurs. Building trust and
respect can go a long way. Extend this approach and contact with PARENTS.
VIII. Communications With Parents: A Coach’s Checklist As a Guide To Engage Parent Involvement
The checklist below is offered as a suggested guide to assist coaches to effectively engage parent involvement in USA Youth Hockey Programs.
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Welcome Letter from Coaches and Local Program Officials plus
may choose to include:
Vitae of coaching staff
Coaching Philosophy and Goals Statement for players/parents
Start of Season Meeting with Parents
Player’s Code of Conduct
Parent’s Code of Conduct
Getting To Know Player’s: Coach’s conference
Getting To Know Parents: Coach’s discussion points
Invitation for Parent Involvement /Parents’ Activities List
Communications to players and parents throughout the season
1. Use of Local League website – Team Newsletter
2. Pre and Post-locker room chats
3. After game activities: pizza (and not just for winning)
4. Posting practice activities on the Website: Drill diagrams and time
management
5. Surveying parents (informally): How is the team doing? A chat approach.
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Formal Appeals Process for addressing parent concerns. Generally, local
leagues have guidelines and procedures to handle such situations with a formal
Board of Directors Review panel. The coach, next the director of coaching, and
lastly the board of directors. Input from non-involved parents can also serve as a
resource.
Encourage parents to visit the USA HOCKEY Website:
New 2006-2007 USA Hockey Standards of Play Rules Enforcement
Video’s, etc… @ USAHOCKEY.org
X. CONCLUSIONS
This research project succinctly reveals to this writer that parents can be, currently are,
and should be actively engaged and involved in USA Youth Hockey programs. The
degree of their participation is found to be directly proportional to the amount of
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information and events that they are informed about; are invited to participate in; are
encouraged to be part of; and are complimented for regarding their efforts and time
related to the many components of USA Youth Hockey programs.
As an overall starting point, the issue of dealing with difficult parents immediately
surfaced as the forerunner topic to this research project. However, in formulating my
research design, this writer soon envisioned that a more global, overall approach to parent
involvement in USA Youth Hockey programs would be more informative and helpful to
me, and I am hopeful, to fellow coaches and parents, alike. Thus, concentrating solely on
“dealing with difficult parents” absent other research exploration and related components
of parent involvement would not give a complete picture.
Based on my on-going interactions with parents, this writer enjoyed the opportunity to
observe, take note, and mentally record a wide array of empirical data. The following
topic areas are identified as the key categories of parent interaction:
Parent ActivitiesParent Code of ConductParent Support for the Enforcement of Team RulesParent Communications with Coaches Parent Volunteer Time as Assistant Coaches, Team Manager, and Score Keepers Based on my experience, I see the role and opportunity for coaches, especially at the
Learn to Skate, Atom and Mite Levels, to serve as ambassadors for USA Youth Hockey.
I sincerely believe our contacts, interactions, and discussions with parents,
encouragement to players, is what promotes hockey to its real potential and success. The
tireless efforts, sharing skills and knowledge of the game, keeping players focused on
team play, all these things coaches do make the difference in helping our players to have
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FUN! When I first began coaching some thirty-five years ago, I lacked real-life
experiences in how to engage and involve parents. However, over time, by attending
CEP training programs; serving and working as an assistant coach and also being a parent
of a player, I was able to acquire more knowledge and skills to improve my role as a
coach and interaction with parents. Thus, I choose to share, report, and giveback the
benefit of these experiences and subsequent conclusions of this research project to current
or future coaches and parents.
The conclusions are clear: The interactions with parents during this research have proven
to be positive, and will form the basis for continued favorable outcomes. Without any
doubt, the tone, mannerism, demeanor and interaction between parents and coaches will
govern and direct the degree and intensity of the parent involvement and their
relationship with coaches. There will always be opportunity for growth and further
improvements in these relationships and interactions. I extend best wishes to all and
remind everyone to make the game of hockey FUN for all of our youth players.
REFERENCES
2005-2007 OFFICIAL RULS and CASEBOOK of ICE HOCKEYThe Official Rules and Casebook of Ice HockeyISBN 1-57243-587-9Triumph Books - Chicago
“Coaching Hockey Successfully” – Advanced Coaching Manual, USA HockeyDennis “Red” Gendron with Vern StenlundHuman KineticsCopyright @ 2003ISBN: 0-7360-4636-4
34
“Dealing With People Who Drive You Crazy”The Freeman Institute.com/seminars-CONFLICT RESOLUTION/COMMUNICATION SKILLS/CULTURAL DIVERSITY PROGRAM Training MaterialsBox 305, Gambrills, MD 21054info@freemaninstitute.comInformation obtained via Website November 2006
“Elements of a Positive Relationship” [Abstract]NEA-NAEN TRAINIG DESIGN: IBS Resources Manual 7/15/2001Originally prepared by: National Education Association and North American Association of Educational Negotiators
“How to Build a Successful Team” - Coach Barry Smith, NHL Coach USA HOCKEY COACHES LEVEL 5 CLINICRochester, New York, July 12 – 16, 2006
TEAM RULES – 2006/2007 Hockey SeasonPatrick M. McNeally, Head Squirt CoachNavy Youth Ice Hockey ProgramAnnapolis, MD 21410 Email: pmcneally@khov.com
USA HOCKEY – ASSOCIATE Level Clinic WorkbookVal Belmonte, EditorDirector,. Coaching Program Copyright@ 1995, USA HockeyPublisher: I.L. CopperISBN: 1-884125-16-6
USA HOCKEY MAGAZINE – December 2006 “FIRE AWAY” 12.06Volume 20 Number 10 [vol28 no10]“Team Manager Do More Than Telephone Trees And Team Parties – Much MoreBy Bob Schaller, Laramie, Wyoming Pages 46- 48, inclusive.
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www.SoccerHelp.com“Expected Behavior” By ParentsSOCCER COACHING – Soccer Drills, Skills, Rules, TipsNovember 2006
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