holding your own! using assertiveness to communicate with power and get your ideas heard
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Using Assertiveness to communicate with power and get your ideas heard
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AscendentLeadership
Practice Profile
} Leadership development
} Team effectiveness
} Emotional intelligence
} Coaching as a leadership skill
} Integrating assertiveness into a powerful leadership style } Understanding the relationship of assertiveness to success } Understand traits which drive or inibit assertiveness } Communicate in a way that commands respect, allows open
dialogue } Deal with overtly aggressive colleagues and friends
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Please choose your single most important outcome from today’s webinar:
} How do we define assertiveness?
} How do our behaviors and beliefs enable or inhibit our assertiveness?
} How can we develop our assertiveness?
Aggressive Is abusive Attacks Demeans Manipulates Insists on rightness
Passive Avoids confrontation Hides feelings, beliefs Ineffective communication of emotion Emotionally dependent May shortchange company
Assertive Expresses feelings Firm and direct Expresses beliefs, thoughts, wants openly Stands up for personal rights without aggression, abuse
Inter-personal
Self Regard Empathy
Emotional Expression
Impulse Control
Assertiveness
Influence
(Stein, 2011 )
Assertiveness: Express feelings, beliefs, thoughts and wants in a non-destructive way
Interpersonal relationships: Developing and maintaining mutually satisfying relationships
Self Regard: Respecting and accepting one’s strengths and weaknesses
Empathy: Recognizing, understanding, appreciating feelings of others
Emotional Expression: Expressing one’s feelings verbally and non-verballyImpulse Control: Resisting or delaying an impulse, drive, or temptation to act
(Stein, 2011 )
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What actions do you associate with assertiveness?
Performance Impact
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Top five EQ scales correlated with success
Self Actualization
Happiness
Optimism
Self Regard
Assertiveness
Overall Work Success
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Occupations – Assertiveness in Top 5
Overall Work Success
General sales
Insurance sales
Business services Retail sales
Other sales Financial services
Customer service
Personnel, HR
Management Consultants
Business managers
Public servants
Religious workers
Social workers Lawyers
(Stein, 2011 )
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Other benefits correlated with strong assertiveness
Self regard Employee,
team engagement
Trust Happiness Interpersonal relationship
Innovation Safety Integrity Mission focus
Teamwork, Collaboration
Acceptance of change
… your examples…
How do your actions enable your assertiveness?
Have confidence in yourself
Be known for doing what you say you will do
Have a basis for your view
Stay in relationship
Master your stories
Strike when the iron is cool
Speak for yourself, only
Don’t assume your view is the only or correct one
Make your non-verbals consistent with your words
Use humor with care
Assess: Is this the time?
1. Do I know something my boss doesn’t know, but needs to?
2. Is time running out? 3. Are my responsibilities at
risk? 4. Can I help my boss/team win?
1. Am I promoting my own personal agenda?
2. Have I already made my point?
3. Must everyone but me take the risk?
4. Is the timing right only for me?
5. Does my request exceed our relationship?
6. Does the atmosphere say no?
Make hay while the sun shines – that’s smart; Go fishing during the harvest – that’s stupid.
Proverbs 10:5
(Maxwell 2005)
Beliefs can be enabling or limiting
Managing Limiting Beliefs
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Consequences
Managing Limiting Beliefs
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Consequences
Managing Limiting Beliefs
Activate
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Activate Beliefs Consequences
Managing Limiting Beliefs
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Activate Beliefs Consequences Debate, Dispute
Managing Limiting Beliefs
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Activate Beliefs Consequences Debate, Dispute
(Stein, 2011 - Adapted from Albert Ellis, Rational Emotive Behavior Theory)
Managing Limiting Beliefs
Effects
Assertiveness
Signature Strengths Weaknesses Define the benefit Define the impact Ways to leverage Prioritize
Validate Mitigate Delegate
Strengths Weaknesses Recruit a coach, partner
Strengthen further Define the impact Look for ways to leverage Develop
Mitigate Delegate
Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bound
Attend webinar þ Only an hour Abstract seems right on Jan 22
Specific Measurable Achievable Relevant Time-bound
Attend webinar þ Only an hour Abstract seems right on Jan 22
Kerry Patterson, J. G., Ron McMillan, Al Switzler (2002). Crucial Conversations: tools for talking when stakes are high. New York, McGraw-Hill. Kerry Patterson, J. G., Ron McMillan, Al Switzler (2005). Crucial Confrontations: Tools for resolving broken promises, violated expectations, and bad behavior. New York, McGraw Hill. Maxwell, J. C. (2005). The 360-degree leader: developing your influence from anywhere in the organization. Nashville, Thomas Nelson, Inc. Paterson, R. J. (2000). The Assertiveness Handbook: How to express your ideas and stand up for yourself at work and in relationships. Oakland, CA, New Harbinger Publications. Steven J. Stein, H. E., Bock (2011). The EQ Edge: emotional intelligence and your success, 3rd Edition, Josey Bass.
To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying Amen to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to have kept your soul alive. Robert Louis Stevenson
Thanks!
AscendentLeadership
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