helping children handle stress
Post on 16-May-2015
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“Helping Children Handle Stress”by: Dr. Imelda Villar
Everyday Stress
When they have to wait When they want something they can’t
have When they lose or break their toys or
valued items.
Common Sources of Stress Early or rushed mornings, being hurried Exposure to new situations/starting
school/transferring school Too many expectations or demands Difficulties with peer/friendships
Common Sources of Stress Transitioning from one activity or place
to another New beginnings/ frequent change
of/unavailability caregivers Difficult assignments/tasks Parents cannot be reached when they
need to get something for school
Sources of Long-Term Stress
Separation from parents (especially for younger kids)
Fights or disagreements with siblings Being compared to siblings Being bullied by siblings
Sources of Long-term Stress Serious ongoing conflict between family
members Divorce or separation Serious illness or health condition Death of a loved one Frequent moves Being bullied or harassed over time
Sources of Long-Term Stress Dealing with unrealistic expectations
and demands (one’s own or from others) Being picked on at home Being compared with others Parental absence especially when in
trouble Physical/emotional/sexual/ financial
abuse
Factors That Help Prevent Stress
Positive problem solving and coping skills
Close, supportive relationships at home and school, with peers and adults
Clear expectations Permission and ability to learn from
mistakes Developing competencies (academic,
social, extracurricular, and life skills)
Factors That Help Prevent Stress
Consistent, positive discipline Ability to express feelings appropriately Feeling physically and emotionally safe Good nutrition and exercise Time to relax or do recreational activities
(www.nasponline.org)
How Parents Can Help Prevent Stress(www.nasponline.org)
Be aware of your child’s behaviors and emotions
Build trust with your child Be available and open to talk with your
child when he/she is ready Encourage the expression of feelings Teach and model good emotional
responses
How Parents Can Help Prevent Stress
Encourage them to tell you if they feel overwhelmed
Encourage healthy and diverse friendships Encourage physical activity, good nutrition, rest Teach child to problem solve Remind child of ability to get through tough
times, particularly with love and support of family and friends (www.nasponline.org)
Signs of Being Overstressed recurring headaches, tummy aches or neck
pain increased irritability, sadness, panic, anger,
anxiety unusual emotionality or volatility intensification of nervous habits like nail
biting, hair twisting, thumb sucking pattern of overreacting to minor problems,
e.g., yelling, crying, shutting down trouble eating, relaxing or sleeping
Signs of Being Overstressed unusual sleep patterns or nightmares increased dependency or clinginess unusually low energy, or the opposite, very
high levels of energy or restlessness going back to less mature behaviour increased behaviour problems, such as
biting, kicking, poor listening, acting out, impulsiveness increased whining, crying, fighting becoming withdrawn or listless
Signs of Being Overstressed Inability to concentrate Drop in grades or other functioning Toileting or eating concerns Unexplained fears or increased anxiety
(that also can take the form of clinging) Isolation from family activities or peer
relationships Drug or alcohol experimentation
(www.nasponline.org)
Signs of Need for Professional Help Anxiety significantly interfering in child’s
life, preventing doing important things Child constantly seeking abnormal
amounts of reassurance Child showing symptoms of stress and
clearly not coping well
Basics of How Parents Can Help
Establish Connection: assure and ensure someone will be there to help them deal with their problems --> helps children trust and listen to adult supporting them.
Basics of How Parents Can Help Provide Loving Home environment:
ensure healthy, balanced lifestyle good foodlots of time for physical activityplay relaxationdaily routines that make their world feel
predictable and safe
Basics of How Parents Can Help Comfort: comfort of physical contact
one of best stress relievers there is positive brain stimulation from being touched in early childhood helps build brain’s pathways for coping with stress
Preventing and Managing Stress Plenty of unstructured play time Regular bedtime routine with quiet,
calming activities such as music, reading or quiet play for half an hour before bedtime
Ensure 8-10 hours of sleep Vigorous physical activity - at least two
hours of physical activity every day
Preventing and Managing Stress Show love with words, hugs, kisses Play and laugh together
When Child Observed to be Stressed Ask how body feels (tummy, tense
muscles, etc.) Explain there is a connection between
the way bodies feel and emotions such as worry, sadness and anger
When Child Observed to be Stressed Wait for calm moment Encourage to describe his worries or
fears Listen very carefully Try not to interrupt or finish child’s
sentences Take worries or fears seriously, even if
they seem silly.
When Child Observed to be Stressed Try to understand feelings and verbalize
what you read as his/her feelings Allow to talk about feelings: Point
feelings out and use words to help identify emotions. “I guess you felt mad when you were not chosen for the school play.”
Naming emotional state helps child learn to express feelings in words rather than acting out
When Child Observed to be Stressed Don’t judge/take sides Don’t advice unless asked Don’t to pacify or preach Ask questions to clarify
When Child Observed to be Stressed Restate important things he/she has
said Summarize what he/she has said
occasionally Ask what he/she would like to happen in
the situation Ask what he/she can do to feel better
When Child Observed to be Stressed Involve him/her in activities enjoyed such
as playing with favourite toys, reading a book, cuddling with a stuffed animal
Teach relaxation and stress-reducing techniques: deep breathing (breathe in through nose and slowly out through mouth
Model breathing for you to calm down in stressful moments
When Child Observed to be Stressed Spend extra time together and watch
him/her more closely than usual Offer extra physical contact: holding
his/her hand while walking or pulling him/her up against you as you watch TV together
If child doesn’t want extra contact, don’t force, but be there
When Child Observed to be Stressed Limit TV, computer and video game time
and encourage kid to be active. Be active with them - go for walks, runs,
park Put on some music for a family dance
party (be sensitive to reactions)
When Child Observed to be Stressed Give opportunities to make small
choices appropriate for age: “Do you want to eat in Jollibee or McDonald’s today?” to give them sense of control in their life.
When Child Observed to be Stressed Model effective stress-management
strategies e.g when feeling stressed , stop yourself and say, “Wow, I’m feeling stressed. I’m going to take a few deep breaths to help me calm down.”
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress
Stop, Look and Listen Stop
Set the climate. E.g. “I know there are things that upset you sometimes. Can you tell me about them?” Give time to finish talking. Listen both words and feeling in words.
Choose the moment. Any quiet time during the day or at bedtime, but ensure you are relaxed and not feeling rushed and can be together without interruption. Arrange for privacy
Find “little” opportunities to connect. Everyday activity together like going to school, taking snacks (but not dinner)
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress
Look Once a day, check child’s face and body -
eye contact? relaxed or tense? eyes calm or darting back and forth? Is there tension in her body?
Pay close attention to facial expressions, mood, body language and activity level
Notice signs of stress
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress
ListenGive your full attention. Show you are
really interested by facing child and making eye contact. Try saying things like, “We all feel worried or scared sometimes and it’s good to talk about those feelings.”
Listen without speaking. Nod head; give other nonverbal signs of interest. Don’t finish his sentences, even if you think you know what he is trying to say. Give him time to put it into his own words.
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress
Just be there Respect child’s refusal to talk about what’s bothering him/her-
give space, but show you’ll be there when they feel like talking. Whether they need to talk or just be in the same room with you – make yourself available.
Do something fun together. If child seems stressed or having a bad day but doesn’t feel like talking, initiate activity you can do together - read book, go for walk, watch movie, or bake, to teach children that there are ways of taking care of self and cheer self up.
Give children time and space to unwind. Sometimes children need time on their own with quiet activities such as blocks, play dough or imaginative play
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress Keep child aware of anticipated family
changes. Monitor television programs that could worry
your child and pay attention to use of computer games, movies, and the Internet.
Use encouragement and natural consequences when poor decisions are made.
Help your child select appropriate extracurricular activities and limit over-scheduling.
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress Make child aware of harmful effects of drugs
and alcohol before experimentation begins. Monitor own stress level. Take care of
yourself. Contact child’s teachers with concerns and
make them part of team available to assist your child.
Seek assistance of physician, psychologist, or school counselor, if stress continues
(2012—National Association of School Psychologists)
General Tips for Preventing and Addressing Stress
Working with care providerMake sure child is understood and treated
wellAsk how child wasCheck for abuses of care provider; observe
reactions to care provider
Caveat
Children differ in dealing with stressful situation
Some children experience more stress than others
Some are more sensitive to stress Some are better at handling it than
others. Big challenge: know your children, pay
attention to their stress and try to ease
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