for teens - goa.media.abcfamily.go.com/a/slat_discussion_guides/... · responsibility to put on amy...

For Teens:Here’s some stuff to talk about from this week’s episode:

* LaurenmistakenlysentanemailabouttheguesthousesleepovermeantforMadisontoherdad,whichstartedawholeseriesofeventsthatendedwithhergettinggroundedandnotbeingabletoseeJessefortherestofthesummer.Eventhoughsheconfessestothesleepoverandswearsshedidn’tdoanythingwithJesse,whatherparentsarereallymadaboutisthelying.Whatdoyouthinkofthat?Islyingthatbigofadealifsheactuallydidn’tdoanythingelsewrong?Isthepunishment–notbeingabletoseeherboyfriend–toomuch(ornotenough)?Whatwouldyourparentsdointhatkindofsituation?

tip: The best way to get your parents to trust you is to be truthful with them in the first place. It’s a lot easier to treat someone like an adult when they’re already acting like one.

* WhenMadisonisarguingwithherdadaboutthetextmessages,shesaysshedoesn’twanttobefriendswithhimanymore.Hesaysthat’sfinebecausehedoesn’twanttobeherfriend,hewantstobeherfather.Doyouconsideryourparentsyourfriends?What’sthedifferencebetweenafriendandaparent?Whataboutyourfriends?Whatkindofrelationshipsdotheyhavewiththeirparents?Areyoujealousofotherteens’relationshipswiththeirmomsanddads?Whatdoyoulikethemostaboutyourrelationshipwithyourparents?Howwouldyoulikeyourrelationshipwithyourparentstobedifferent?

something to think about: You will have many, many friends throughout your life, but only one set of parents.

* RickytellsAdrianthathewantsAmytochangehimsohecanbeabetterperson.ThatseemslikealotofresponsibilitytoputonAmy–shouldn’tthatbeRicky’sjobinstead?DoyouthinkanyonecanchangeRickybesidesRicky?Andifhewantstochange(orbechanged),whydidhehookupwiththatgirlafterreturningfromNYC?

fact: The only person who can control how you behave is you. Taking responsibility for your actions means you are growing up.

* WhatdidyouthinkabouttheconversationbetweenBenandhisdadwhentheSausageKingstartedtogetangryaboutthewholemarriagething?WasBenrighttosayhewould“suckitup”andmarrythemotherofhisbaby?WasLeorighttocallhimoutonhismotives(heartbreakoverAmy)andsaythewholethingisridiculous?AndwhenLeochangedhismindandsaidhewouldallowBentogetmarried,doyouthinkhereallyagreedwiththeidea,orwashejusttryingtomakeBenrealizehowcrazyitis?DoyouthinkBenreallythinksit’sagoodidea?

something to think about: What do you think about the relationship between Ben and his dad? How does it compare to other parent-teen relationships on the show? How does it compare to other parent-teen relationships in real life?

* WhentheSausageKingandLauren’sdadaretalkingatthebar,Lauren’sdadsaysthatonlyhalfofhighschool-agedteensarehavingsex.Whatdoyouthinkofthat?Doesthatseemhightoyou?Low?Aboutright?

fact: It’s true, only half of high school-aged teens have had sex. Some have, some haven’t, and some are lying. And among those who have had sex, two-thirds wish they had waited longer.

* Graceseemsprettysurethatshedoesn’twanttohavesexwithGrant,butshedoeswanttomakeoutwithhim,dancewithhim,andspendtimewithhim.Goodforherforsettingsomeexpectationsandlimitsontheirtimetogether.WhenGrantsuggeststheyhavea“pants-offdanceoff”shelaughsbutdoesn’tsayno–untilsherealizeshermomishome.Whatdidyouthinkofthat?Whatdoyouthinkshewouldhavedoneifnoadultshadbeenhomeatthetime?DoyouthinkGrantwouldhavepressuredhertodomorethanshefeltcomfortablewith?

something to think about: Even if you have done something before – like had sex or gotten naked with somebody or just fooled around a little bit – it doesn’t mean you have to do it again, or do it with someone new. You can always say “no” even if you’ve said “yes” before. And it’s a good idea to be upfront about what you want or don’t want to do. If the person you’re with can’t respect your wishes, why do you want to be with them in the first place?

For Parents:Watching a show like “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” with your teens is good way to start a conversation about sex, love, and relationships. Even though teens say that parents most influence their decisions about sex, parents of teens underestimate their own influence in this area. Here are some ideas for talking to your kids after watching the show.

*Nowthatheknowsshe’sbeenlyingtohimaboutthesleepover,Madison’sdadwantstogothroughherphonetoreadhertextmessages.Doyoueverlookthroughyourteen’sphone?Ifso,dotheyknowyoudoit?Dotheyfeellikeit’saviolationoftrust/privacyordotheyunderstandthatyouareconcernedaboutthem?Haveyoutalkedaboutwhatyouexpectofyourkidswiththeirelectronicbehavior?

tip: It’s just as important to talk to your kids about online and electronic behavior as it is to talk about real life relationships and behavior. You need to know who they’re communicating with, just like you want to know who they’re spending time with. You should also talk to them about the risks involved – because once something is sent or posted (like sexual messages or photos) it is impossible to keep it from getting into the wrong hands. Those messages and postings can come back to haunt them when it’s time to look for a job or apply to colleges.

* Allthemarriagetalkinthisepisodeprovidesagreatopportunitytotalktoyourteensaboutyourownviewsonthesubject.Doyourkidsknowwhatmakesahealthymarriage?Dotheyknowhowtotellwhenarelationshipisreadyforthatnextstep?Isitacceptableinyourfamilytohavesexbeforemarriage?Livetogetherbeforemarriage?Haveababyoutsideofmarriage?

fact: Teens want to know how their parents think and feel about these issues – even if they don’t always act like it. Whether or not you agree with the marriage talk in the episode, the fact that your kids are watching it and talking about it themselves means you have an opening to talk about it with them.

* GraceandGrantmayhavebeenabouttohavea“pants-offdanceoff”inherroomwhenshethoughthermomandstepdadweren’thome.Sometimesallittakesforateentoengageinriskybehaviorishavingtheopportunitytodoso.

something to think about: Supervise and monitor your children and teens. Establish rules, curfews, and standards of expected behavior, preferably through an open process of family discussion and respectful communication. If your children get out of school at 3 pm and you don’t get home from work until 6 pm, who is responsible for making certain that your children are not only safe during those hours, but are also engaged in useful activities? Where are they when they go out with friends? Are there adults around who are in charge? Supervising and monitoring your kids’ whereabouts doesn’t make you a nag; it makes you a parent.