feelings arent facts theyre feelings!. thinking – feeling - behavior

Feelings aren’t Feelings aren’t FactsFacts

They’re They’re Feelings!Feelings!

Thinking – Feeling - Thinking – Feeling - BehaviorBehavior

Core of Carried ShameCore of Carried Shame

• Children are spongesChildren are sponges• They are egocentricThey are egocentric• Emotion is energy Emotion is energy • Shameless behavior is Shameless behavior is

induced into children.induced into children.• They are vulnerableThey are vulnerable• They are collecting They are collecting

datadata• They develop a shame They develop a shame

core that is not their core that is not their own.own.

Exercise – pick a partnerExercise – pick a partner

What I make up about What I make up about it…it…

Communication Feedback Communication Feedback LoopLoop

• When you – state the behaviorWhen you – state the behavior• What I made up about it – describe your What I made up about it – describe your

thinking, or what you are making up thinking, or what you are making up about itabout it

• How I felt about it is …How I felt about it is …• What I need from you is …What I need from you is …

AddictionsAddictions

• AlcoholAlcohol• Drugs – IllegalDrugs – Illegal• Drugs - Drugs -

PrescriptionsPrescriptions• GamblingGambling• SpendingSpending• Debting Debting • Eating disordersEating disorders• NicotineNicotine

• CaffeineCaffeine• SugarSugar• Work Work • Busyness Busyness • Sexual acting outSexual acting out• PornographyPornography• Love addictionLove addiction• Internet surfingInternet surfing

Shame Core Circle Shame Core Circle

AddictionsCodependent behaviorsAdaptations Wounded ChildCarried FeelingsLife Spark

Normal DevelopmentNormal Development

Moderation/PassionOur own shameGifts from feelingsFeelings Rights to life Life Spark

Feelings Chart Feelings Chart Carried Carried FeelingsFeelings

Adult FeelingsAdult Feelings Gifts from Gifts from FeelingsFeelings

Rage Rage ANGERANGER Assertiveness Assertiveness Strength Strength EnergyEnergy

Terror Terror FEARFEAR Preservation Preservation WisdomWisdom

Protection Protection

Despair Despair PAINPAIN Healing GrowthHealing GrowthAwarenessAwareness

Mania Mania JOYJOY Abundance Abundance HappinessHappiness

GratitudeGratitude

Hopelessness Hopelessness LONLEYLONLEY Connection Intimacy Connection Intimacy

SpiritualitySpirituality

WorthlessnesWorthlessness s

SHAMESHAME Humility Humility ContainmentContainment

HumanityHumanity

Shame Shame GUILTGUILT Values AmendsValues AmendsContainment Containment

Shame Binds Shame Binds A shame bind A shame bind

happens whenever a happens whenever a codependent begins to codependent begins to

have a feeling and have a feeling and immediately has immediately has

shaming messages go shaming messages go through the mind through the mind about how bad or about how bad or wrong having that wrong having that

feeling is. This stops feeling is. This stops the original feeling and the original feeling and a shame attack takes a shame attack takes

over as the over as the predominant feeling.predominant feeling.

Learn to practice the 3 Learn to practice the 3 stepstep

• Get your history straight – have your feelings about it.Get your history straight – have your feelings about it.• Nurture the child ego states that are stuck in you. Affirm and Nurture the child ego states that are stuck in you. Affirm and

protect.protect.• Meetings, step work, service work, sponsorship to strengthen Meetings, step work, service work, sponsorship to strengthen

the healthy adult self that is being formed. the healthy adult self that is being formed.

Re-parentingProcess

Exercise Recovering Adult

Muscle

Debriefing ChildhoodTrauma

THE BEGINNING – ENJOY THE JO

URNEY