embracing your inner critic - toastmasters 2014

Angela LaGamba • @AngelaLaGambaToastmasters • April 2014

Embracing Your Inner Critic

• Introducing The ‘Inner Critic’

• Intrinsic Motivators

• Coping Strategies

• Final Thoughts

Your Empowered Agenda

• Little voice inside your head

• Second-guess your every move

• Why didn’t you?

• What’s wrong with you?

• Your ego filling you with self-doubt & causing you to lose confidence

Your Inner Critic?

• Cultural norm of criticism / guilt -> motivate change

• Judgmental / controlling thoughts -> cope with fear, shame, unknown

• Triggers anxiety & shaming -> avoidance

• Procrastination

• Avoiding source of shame – person or yourself

So Why The ‘Inner Critic’?

• 2 types of  inner critic’s self-talk:

• “Bad self” -> Shame based• Feeling unloved, flawed, inferior,

incompetent, deserving of punishment

• “Weakness” -> Fear & anxiety based• Feeling dependent on others, mistrustful,

isolated, abandoned

‘Inner Critic’ Types

• Comments from ourselves & others internalizes to become our ‘inner critic’

• Persistent negative self-talk that keeps us stuck

Long-Term Impact

• Motivation is…

• Ongoing recognition of internal ideals, emotions, ideas, needs to create a true incentive within each of us

• Show us how our motives align with others

Is This Motivating? Nope!

• Comfort

• Connection

• Motivation

Humans Crave…

‘Inner Critic’: Frenemy to Friend?

• Step 1: Awareness• Recognize & acknowledge the inner voice

• Ask: What am I afraid of? What does that mean?

• Dig deep for your vulnerabilities / weaknesses

• Step 2: Rephrase to the 2nd person• Your inner voice: “I am a coward. I should try

harder.”

• In the 2nd person: “You are a coward. You should try harder.”

Frenemy ‘Inner Critic’ Coping Strategies

• Step 3: It’s Opposite Day!• How do you feel as you hear that? 

• What are some opposite feelings? 

• Step 4: Speak To & Then Break Up With Your Inner Critic

• Express empathy for the inner critic’s fear & out-of-control feelings

• Ask: What’s the worst that can happen?

Frenemy ‘Inner Critic’ Coping Strategies

• Step 5: Express Your Reaction• “Your critical voice is not helping.

Please do not talk to me that way. I will be OK. I will be able to cope with whatever happens.”

• Integrate you & your inner critic

• Step 6: Connect With Others• Talk about your experiences

Frenemy ‘Inner Critic’ Coping Strategies

• Know when to challenge your inner critic

• Those beliefs are always NOT true

• “I am worthy, capable, and deserving of love”

Don’t Settle!

@AngelaLaGamba

Thank You!