effectively dealing with difficult people 7 19

Effectively Dealing with Difficult People

Victoria Wors Facilitator

Victoria Wors, SPHR

BBA and MS in Human Resources ManagementCertified Birkman Method® Consultant

Human Resources Professional with numerous years in various industries and working with different levels and cultures.

Currently consultant to small and mid-sized businesses to improve communications within teams and between specific individuals using the Birkman Assessment tool

Retained Human Resources Consultant to Premiere Employee Services, a St. Louis PEO

Acknowledgements

Crucial Conversations Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High; Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillian, and Al Switzler; 2002

Creation of Crucial Moment

General Adaptation Syndrome model Developed by Hans Selye Explains an incident of “design” response Choose Well: ¼ second

ALARM RESISTANCE EXHAUSTION

AdrenalineRushCortisol Loading

NormalDay

BadDay!

Choices:FIGHTFLIGHTCOPE

Impaired levelof functioningSelf-defeating loops sustained

Choose well:New level offunctioning

Who Are the Difficult People We Speak Of?

Confronting employees with performance issues

Talking with a coworker who behaves offensively or makes suggestive comments

Talking to an employee out personal hygiene

Addressing a team member’s lack of commitment to tasks

The Power of Mastering Dialogue

Open and honest expression of opinions, feelings and the ability to articulate controversial theories without fear of retribution.

Di-a-logue or di-a-log n.The free flow of meaning between two or

more people.

Filling the Pool of Shared Meaning

Individual Pool of

Meaning

Individual Pool

of Meanin

Shared Pool ofMeaning

The Pool of Shared Energy is the Birthplace of Synergy

Better Choices are made by all parties sharing in the pool of meaning

Participants are committed to the final decision

Shared Energy leads to faster, more committed action.

How to Stay Focused

Ask yourself these questions:▪ “What I do I really want for myself”?▪ “What do I really want for others”?▪ “What do I really want for this

relationship”? After answering these three

questions ask yourself:▪ How would I behave if I really wanted

these results?

Refuse the Sucker’s Choice

Do you feel you must choose

Find the elusive “and”

Clarify what you don’t want and add it to what you do want (the elusive “and”)

How to Know When Safety is at Risk

Dual Processing

Watch for the moment the conversation turns difficult

• Notice when people feel unsafe (silence or argumentative)

• Find your style under stress

Exercise

Instructions

Consider the list of questions, before answering consider a specific situation at work and complete the questionnaire while thinking of how you typically approach this difficult situation.

What Your Score Means

SILENCE

MaskingО 5 (T)О 6 (T)

AvoidingО 3(T)О 4(T)

WithdrawingО 1(T)О 2(T)

VIOLENCE

ControllingО 7(T)О 8 (T)

LabelingО 9 (T)О 10 (T)

AttackingО 11 (T)О 12(T)

How to Make It Safe to Talk About Almost Anything

When others move to silence or argumentative, step out of the conversation and “Make It Safe”.

When safety is restored, go back to the issue at hand and continue the dialogue.

Decide Which Condition of Safety is at Risk

Mutual Purpose.

Mutual Respect.

Apologize When Appropriate

When you have clearly violated respect…

APOLOGIZE

Contrast to Fix Misunderstanding

When others misunderstand either your purpose or your intent.

Start with what you don’t intend or mean, then explain what you do intend or mean.

CRIB to Get to Mutual Purpose

Commit to seek Mutual Purpose

Recognize the purpose behind the strategy

Invent a Mutual Purpose Brainstorm new strategies

State My Path

Share your facts. Tell your story. Ask for others’ path. Talk tentatively. Encourage testing.

Explore Others’ Paths

Ask Mirror Paraphrase Prime Agree Build Compare

Move to Action

Decide How to Decide Command Consult Vote Consensus

Finish Clearly

How to Prepare to Deal with a Difficult Person

Start with Heart Learn to Look Make It Safe Master Your Stories State Your Path Explore Others’ Paths Move to Action

Discussion of Difficult Cases

Failure to Live Up to Agreements

Sexual Harassment or Other

Harassment

Dealing with Someone That

Breaks All of the Rules

Failed Trust Insubordination (or over the line

disrespect)

I Need Time to Calm Down

Shows No Initiative Shows a Pattern Endless Excuses

For Additional Information:

Victoria WorsWors Consulting, LLC

victoriawors@worsconsulting.com

www.worsconsulting.com

effectively dealing with difficult people 7 19

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