editing your personal narrative

A fragment is a sentence without an independent clause.

If a sentence starts with a subordinating conjunction, it is probably a fragment.“If nobody else wants the last slice of

pizza.”“When everyone is busy doing grammar.”

And we all had a great time.

But the Falcons won anyway.

Because Mr. Thompson grades really hard.

A comma splice is the mistake of linking two independent clauses using only a comma. This is a common way that students create run-ons.

How can you fix this sentence: “The Braves need to win tonight, they

should send the second baseman back to the minors.”

Separate words, phrase, or even clauses in a series by using commas.

How can you fix this sentence:“The Gators need more touchdowns fewer

turnovers and better play-calling if they want to make it to the SEC championship this year.”

Cedric, if a sentence names the person to whom it is talking, it requires a comma.

How can you fix this sentence:“Nick will you please do your grammar

without me having to ask every day?” How can you fix this sentence:

“You need to have your homework in on time Payton.”

When quoting someone, use a comma like this between your lead-in and their words.

How can you fix this sentence:Dr. Richie said, Come out and cheer for the

Trojans this Friday at The Frank.

Title Case Proper nouns First word in sentence

Italicize the title of any book, movie, newspaper, magazine, CD, or play that you mention.

This is a personal narrative based on a memory, so your tense should probably be in the past for all things

Homonyms are words that sound alike, but they have different meanings.

Their, there, they’re To, two, too For, four Here, hear Where, wear

BEST--Author introduces the characters, setting, and tone very effectively. There is a hook to start the paragraph. Who are your characters? What is your setting? What tone have you set? Do you have a hook?

OK--Author introduces some information, but the reader must make assumptions or discover important information later.

WORST--Author does a poor job of introducing important information to the reader, and the reader is left confused.

Each part of the story progresses the action and adds to the tone. There are no repetitive actions. Read each body paragraph by itself Is the action important? Is the action clear? Is the action boring?

There may be some parts of the story that don’t move the story, but it is all clear.

The body does not add detail, tone, or move the story along. The body may be sparse or confusing.

There is a clear conclusion that wraps up the author’s purpose in telling the story and goes beyond. What is the purpose of your essay? How does the reader know that? What is the conclusion? How does the story

wrap up or go beyond?

There is a clear conclusion that wraps up the author’s purpose in telling the story, but it does not add insight beyond the story.

There is no clear conclusion.

BEST--The author’s style is unique and fun to read. The author uses sentence variety, word variety, action verbs, and vivid descriptions. Can you combine two simple sentences? What are some ways you started sentences to

make variety? Can you change any be verbs to action verbs?

OK--The author uses sentence and word variety, but the overall style is plain.

  WORST--The author often repeats words,

only uses simple sentences, uses too many “be” verbs, and makes the overall style unremarkable.

Adverbs that only intensify are really and totally useless:“I really like Twilight a lot.”“My dad was extremely mad.”“My best friend is super interesting.”“My girlfriend got extra emotional.”

Here are some well written examples:“Halloween is eerily fun.”“My childhood bedroom was sparsely

decorated.”

Similes and other comparisons can be an entertaining way to add description:“An intensifying adverb is like putting racing

stripes on a Saturn; it doesn’t make the car go faster, just look stupider.”

“I was more excited than a bride on her wedding day when the new Iron Man movie came out.”

“My dad used to skip church because he thought it was more boring than math.”

BEST--Makes 2 or fewer mistakes.

OK--Makes 4 mistakes.

WORST--Makes 6 or more mistakes.