conflict management kainaiwa. feb 2015 1
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F E B R U A R Y 2 4 , 2 0 1 51 0 : 3 0 A M - 1 2 : 0 0 P M
2 0 1 5 K A I N A I W A C H I L D R E N ’ S S E R V I C E S C O R P O R A T I O N C O N F E R E N C E
C H R I S H Y L T O N
Conflict Resolution
Disclaimer2
Information presented to you today is considered to be general best practices and is not intended to provide
legal counsel or legal advice.
Learning Objectives
Perceptions, root causes
Conflict is normal
What we can learn from nature
Win win conflict resolution techniques
Communication techniques
Conflict examples
3
What colour is a polar bear’s skin?11
Any ideas?
Polar bears have black skin under which there is a layer of fat that can measure 4.5 inches (11.5 centimeters) thick. On land (or on top of the sea ice) the polar bear's thick fur coat—not its fat—prevents nearly any heat loss.
How much more sensitive is a dog’s nose than ours
13
A dog's sense of smell is said to be a thousand times more sensitivethan that of humans. In fact, a dog has more than 220 million olfactory receptors in its nose, while humans have only 5 million.
They use it to avoid conflict find out what is happening, they can smell one week’s history with their great nose
What can we learn from horses about conflict management
15
Any horse people here?
How do you walk with a horse, tight rein or loose rein?
How can I change workplace culture?22
Some clues from a great book
The Gallup organization has polled thousands or employees in hundreds of organizations over 40 years to find out what employees want in the workplace
Easy to reduce conflict in your workplace25
Revise your job descriptions – employee focused
Revise policies – employee and client focused
Conduct employee satisfaction surveys
Conduct client satisfaction surveys
Become an Employer of Choice
Engage Employees
http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/employee-engagement-42966417
Mental health issues in the workplace?26
Is it the role of a Manager to solve his or her employee’s mental health issues?
Any ideas?
Best to leave this to the professionals, on reserve or perhaps you have an EAP for off-reserve more confidential counselling.
We are pleased to have been providing EAP services to Siksika Child and Family Services for many years
http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/eap-15034221
Active Listening... Some Helpful Hints29
focus totally on the speaker.
Repeat tentatively, in your words, your understanding of speaker's meaning.
Feed back feelings, as well as content.
Probe, if appropriate e.g. ''How do you feel about that?" or "How did that affect you?"
Active Listening30
Challenge powerlessness / hopelessness subtly (e.g. instead of "It is hopeless'' try "It seems hopeless to you right now.” Try ''You can't find anything that could fix it?” instead of “There’s nothing I can do”).
Allow silences in conversation.
Notice body shifts and respond to them by waiting. Then, e.g. ''How does it all seem to you now?"
Things to Avoid – Active Listening31
Avoid talking about yourself
Reject introducing your own reactions or well intentioned comments
Try not to ignore feelings in the situation
Avoid advising, diagnosing, baiting, reassuring, encouraging or criticising
Avoid32
Avoid parroting the speaker's words or only saying "mm" or ''ah, hah''
Don't pretend that you understand if you haven't
Avoid letting the speaker drift to less significant topics
Avoid33
Avoid fixing, changing, or improving what the speaker has said
Don't change topics
Resist filling in every space with your talk
34
If we react defensively by attacking or withdrawing, conflict often increases. If, instead, we respond appropriately, we can help to bring the emotions to a level at which the issue can be dealt with
Try the following:
Receive Listen and say nothing for the moment. Don’t try to tone them down, defend, explain yourself yet.
Give the other person room to discharge their pent-up emotions
Respect the other person's communication of feelings.
Dealing with Inflammation
35
Notice Observe your own reaction.
Centre Tune into yourself, breathe deeply.
Listen again Ask yourself what you are picking up from the communication. Separate feelings from content. Strain out what is valid and if you can, let some irate remarks pass you by without reacting.
Reflect back Reflect both feelings and content.
''Let me check with you if...''
''Is that what you are saying...?''
Dealing with Difficult Emotions in Others
36
Clarify and Explore What are the other person's needs and concerns? Explore what is behind the words being used. Ask questions to shift the focus from anger to exploring the issues. Focus on connecting to the other person and turning this into a safe and constructive conversation.
Repeat the cycle. Ensure that both feelings and facts are mutually understood.
Move Clarify and acknowledge needs and concerns. Consider the next step e.g. acknowledge your contribution to their problem, develop options, make an "I" statement, take time out.
Dealing with Difficult Emotions in Others
The Win/Win Approach
The Handshake Exercise choose a partner roughly the same size as
themselves. Both partners will lock hands in the form of a
handshake. You score a point every time you get the other
persons hand to your hip. The aim of this exercise is to win as many points as
you can. You have 1 minute for this exercise.
The Win/Win Approach
The Handshake Exercise
Who scored more than 30?
Who scored less than 20?
Who scored less than 10?
How did you interpret “you” in the instructions? As an individual, a pair or a group?
The Win/Win Approach
The Handshake Exercise
Did the idea of “winning” imply “losing” as well?
Who discussed it with their partner? If you discussed it, what was discussed? Did anybody change strategy during the exercise and if so, why?
The Win/Win Approach
When we are in conflict with someone else, do we frequently approach it thinking that one person will win and one will lose?
Examples of this might be…”I told him”; “I put her in her place”; “I showed him who was boss”; “I didn’t let her get the better of me”; “I got my way”; “I always lose out in these sorts of problems”.
The Win/Win Approach
A Win/Win approach is a co-operative effort that will maximize the benefits for everyone.
A Win/Lose approach is based on competition and is far more likely to result in major differences in benefit to all involved.
The Win/Win Approach
Now we will discuss the concept of Fight and Flight Behaviours when dealing with conflict.
The Win/Win Approach
Some examples of Fight behaviours include:
Screaming
Physical Violence
Refusing to listen
Manipulation
The Win/Win Approach
Some of the main messages and intentions behind Fight behaviours are:
I’m right / you’re wrong
To blame or punish
To threaten
I’m OK / you’re not
The Win/Win Approach
Some examples of Flight behaviours include:
Sulking
Crying
Avoiding
Pretending it hasn’t happened
Giving in
The Win/Win Approach
Some of the main messages and intentions behind Flight behaviours are:
I’m right / you’re wrong
To avoid conflict
To let the other person win
I’m not OK / you are
The Win/Win Approach
It is obvious that neither Fight or Flight are optimum tools for handling conflict as someone always loses.
The Win/Win Approach
Now we introduce a slightly different set of behaviours that fall in between Fight and Flight.
Lets call them Flow behaviours.
The Win/Win Approach
Some examples of Flow behaviours can include:
Discussing the issue
Listening to others
Taking time out
Explaining one’s own perspective and needs.
Compromising
The Win/Win Approach
Some of the main messages and intentions behind Flow behaviours are:
There must be a way to solve this
To sort out the problem
To respect others
To make sure everyone is satisfied with the solution
I’m OK / you’re OK
The Win/Win Approach
During Flow behaviour, the intention is to solve the problem while at the same time respecting everyone in the conflict.
The Win/Win Approach
Here is a little story:
There are two social workers in coffee room and only one orange.
Both of them want the orange.
What could they do?
The Win/Win Approach
They decide to compromise, and cut the orange in half. One went to the juicer and started to
squeeze himself a drink, which turned out too small to satisfy.
The other began to grate the rind on her half of the orange to flavour a cake for the upcoming staff party. She then threw out the rest of the orange.
The Win/Win Approach
Both had only half of the orange, in effect, they could have had the whole orange.
Had they talked out the problem, listened to each other and found out what each one wanted and/or needed, the solution would have been more practical for each.
The Win/Win Approach
Compromise
Compromise is sometimes considered the same as a Win/Win approach.
Some of the reasons that we so often use it are:
Any ideas?
The Win/Win Approach
Compromise
It may seem to be the simplest, easiest and fairest thing to do.
It means that when we can’t make a bigger pie, at least everyone is sharing what is available.
It results in both parties having some of their needs met.
The Win/Win Approach
Compromise
It does have some disadvantages, such as:
It often requires one party to give more, and then they will be less committed to the solution.
It may mean that the potential of all options hasn’t been explored.
It has been described as an acceptable form of Lose/Lose.
The Win/Win Approach
Compromise
BUT compromise has disadvantages
If we settle too quickly for compromise, we can sell ourselves short.
It may even be that we decide on a poorer quality solution than we would have if we had adopted a Win/Win approach.
The Win/Win Approach
In conclusion
Different types of behaviour are appropriate in different situations
If one does not work try another
The more flexible we can become, the more choices we have about how we relate to others and the more opportunities we have to resolve conflict
Circles / Restorative Justice / Flow Model67
In old world the village would have a circle to figure out what to do. We have created a western world imposed structure, old way not given respect, now coming back, not just about a placement or child behaviours, it is about how do we restore families to health.
Children and parents have equal voice and understand how decisions happened as they were there.
Used in New Zealand, so successful no need for foster homes
Manager – Employee Conflict68
Do we have any managers in the room?
Can you describe any conflict among the staff that you have to deal with?
Are there any employees in the room?
Can you describe any conflict with your Manager that you have to deal with?
Chief and Council70
Sometimes some elected officials are accused of meddling in your business?
They want to help community members by intervening
But according to policy, they have no more rights than any other community member
What impact does this intervening have on you?
What is the solution?
Chief and Council 71
They have a need to be popular
They need to be re-elected
Who do they rely on for advice?
How can you make their job easier?
You are the eyes and ears of the community
Your advice as to your professional area is invaluable and worthy of respect
You can make the elected officials jobs easier.
http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/community-engagement-hyltonyv-rb
Preparing for difficult group meetings72
You are in charge of hosting a meeting with a number of strong community members who you know will be seeking to grandstand, monopolize the discussion and derail the meeting
What do you do?
How do you prepare the weeks or week before the meeting? Any ideas?
Conflict with Youth74
What is the fastest rising demographic group?
How many of your population are under 35?
How many of this group is at risk?
What do they want?
What are their issues?
Youth conflict75
Need to belong
Search for meaning
Search for family
Solutions
Sports
Culture camps, Samson Model
Language, Self Esteem, a new better gang for them
Secret weapon: Elders
Horse Culture Programs77
Kainaiwa programs
Piikani - Sunday evenings at Pincher Creek Community Arena
Tsuu T’ina - Dodging Horse Arena
http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/afcc-horse-culture-program
http://www.slideshare.net/crisilton/suicide-prevention-thru-horse-culture-program (Pikanni)
Conversations with different cultures78
Cultural background
Common ground bridge to areas of conflict
Respect
Mutual gains
Celebrate diversity
Partnership opportunities
Celebrate success, removal of land mines Kosovo Prime Minister of Canada
Conversations with Government Agencies79
Negotiating from strength
Stick to your plan, track results
Find ways around contentious issues, if you can work better with new ways of organizing your services, Agencies will support you,
You win, gov’t wins, clients win.
Seeking Funding from Foundations80
Failure is first step to success
Foundations have as much difficulty giving away money, as do organizations like yours applying successfully for it
Credit
We wish to thank the Conflict Resolution Network for their generous donation of materials we have adapted in the creation of this presentation.
Conflict Resolution Network
PO Box 1016, Chatswood NSW 2057Phone: +61 (0)2 9419-8500Fax: +61 (0)2 9413-1148Email: crn@crnhq.orgWebsite: www.crnhq.org
About Us
Our services
Employee benefit plans
Team building
HR and Salary grids
Policy review
Employee wellness
EAP and Employee mental health
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