conflict management... improving communication presented by tom goodman, m.ed. director of coaching...

Conflict Management...Improving Communication

Presented by

Tom Goodman, M.Ed.

Director of Coaching Education

• Introduction and Goals/Objectives• Why Conflict Mgt at a Soccer Seminar?• Conflict Mgt Concepts and Styles• Role Play and Reaction• Tips• Applying the Tips• Steps To Succeeding at Conflict Mgt• Take Aways

Discussion Items

• Develop a better understanding of your own skills/challenges around dealing with conflict.

• Come away with tips/techniques on how to deal with various conflict situations.

• Develop an awareness of how CM techniques can improve your effectiveness at managing people.

• Create a better environment for you and all of the people you work with.

Goals and Objectives

• To improve communication between you, your staff, parents and players.

• Because in all organizations/groups, dealing with conflict is very natural and reoccurring.

• Because CM is not the responsibility of just one person/group.

• Your ability to deal positively with CM will help to attract and retain staff, players and family to our organizations.

Why Conflict Mgt?

• Because our organizations are very diverse.

• Because these are critical skills for maintaining a high quality organization.

Why Conflict Mgt? (Cont’d)

• Recognizing differences around us.

(opinions, attitudes, perceptions)• Understanding these differences.• Then agreeing on how we are going to come to a

resolution.

LEARN then PROBLEM SOLVING

What IS Conflict Mgt?

• Gossip• Backstabbing• Pettiness• Low Trust• Tension• Wasted Time• Obstacle to Innovation and Creativity

Results of Unmanaged Conflict

• Try to just get along – smooth it over.• Take things personally – get upset.• Give in too easily – don’t stand up!• Thinks things will go away if left alone.• Have to win EVERY battle.• Are ineffective in relationships and teamwork.

People who are Unskilled in Conflict Management

• No gossip• Trust• Direct Communication• Willing to Deal with the Issues• Higher Productivity• Healthy team Environment

Signs of Good Conflict Management

• Address the conflict – meet it!• Sees the conflict as an opportunity• Are good at active listening• Can hammer out tough agreements• Settle disputes equitably and with pace• Can find common ground• Get cooperation with minimal noise

People Who are Skilled in Conflict Management

Nice

Avoid

Collaborate

Tough

Results

Eff

ecti

ve

Rel

atio

nsh

ips

L

H

H

L / W W / W

W / LL / L

Compromise

Conflict Styles

• Cautious– Delay confrontation; avoid conflict

• Seeking– Anticipating/Planning actions

• Strong– Value winning; takes firm positions

• Peaceful– Value peace in position; holds back needs

Conflict Styles

“Understand Your Own and Others”

• Calm– Control emotions when temp rises

• Feeling– Need to express feeling to communicate

• Compromising– Quick middle ground; exchange concessions

• Solution Focused– Win-win approach; both parties needs valued

Conflict Styles

“Understand Your Own and Others”

• Situation: DOC is confronted by a coaching candidate who failed the D License. The candidate is very angry and upset and does not understand how he could have failed, especially after he had received positive comments from another staff instructor regarding his practice coaching session.

(Note communication, styles and what could have been done differently.)

Then….DISCUSSION!

Role Play

• Situation: A Competitive U12 Boy’s Coach is confronted by a parent who is very angry and upset and does not understand why the coach only played her son for 10 minutes in the semi final state cup match.

(Note communication, styles and what could have been done differently.)

Then….DISCUSSION!

Role Play

• Opposite of conflict is cooperation!• Invite opposite views where you look to

understand the other side’s views and opinions.

Look for COMMON GROUND!

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Get on the Same Team”

• Insensitive Language?• Raise voice?• Demeaning terms?• Dictating answers?• Challenging others?• Blaming remarks?

Are you inviting conflict when it doesn’t exist???

Describe some that you find irritating.

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Don’t Pour Gas on the Fire”

• Absorbing the energy of your opponent• Let others blow off steam• Listen, Nod, Ask Clarifying Questions• Ask open-ended questions• Re-state their position to signal you understand

them, etc.

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Practice Aikido”

• Break the problem into smaller pieces• Look at specific areas rather than larger general

problems– “Your coaching points were non-existent”

becomes…– “Your coaching points were too general and the

players were confused as to who you were correcting”

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Downsize the Conflict”

• Recognize your own emotional reactions such as impatience or non-verbals

• Recognize them and substitute them with something more neutral

• Separate the person from the problem• Focus on the facts, respect the person• Try on their views, look for common interests

Pause…collect yourself if emotion takes over

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Emotionally Charged”

• “What do they need that I have?”• “What could I do for them outside this conflict

that could allow them to give up something I need now?”

Tips to Build Your Skills

“What have you got to trade?”

• Explain your thinking and ask them to explain theirs.

• Keep to short bursts of info (30-60 seconds)

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Clear Problem-Focused Comm.”

• When you’re at an impasse – use a third party to resolve conflicts!

• Present both sides and agree to let the outcome stand

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Get Help”

• Recognize specific people, issues, styles or groups which affect how you handle conflict

Tips to Build Your Skills

“Know Your Hot Buttons”(or Seeing Your Blind Spots)

• DOC is confronted by the parent of a player who was cut from ODP this year but had been on the team last year. The age level staff coach passed the parent on to you. Also deal with the age level staff coach.

• Using the 5 steps, walk through your conflict situations and evaluate the results.

• Key steps that affected outcome?• What did you learn?

Role Play

• Shed your rose colored glasses• Identify your position/your interest• Speculate on the other party’s stated position and

underlying interests

5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt

1 – Step Back and Prepare

• Acknowledge that you have thought about the other party’s needs– “You’d like…..is that pretty close?”

• State your win / win intent– “I really want to find a solution that will satisfy both of

us”

• Acknowledge any areas of agreement– “Let’s review where we agree…we both want…”

• Acknowledge basic differences• Check your understanding

– “Is that how you see it?”

5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt

2 – Create an Env. for Cooperation

5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt

3 – Agree on Win/Win Criteria

• Clarify criteria important to the other party– “So you would be happy with practices on Wed/Fri that

start at 5pm, right?”

• State what criteria are important to you– “For me, I have to meet my job commitment and then

drive across town….”

• Review the joint list of criteria you agree to use in evaluating alternatives

5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt

4 – Create Alternatives

• Agree not to evaluate, but to generate possibilities– Ground rules!

• Brainstorm alternatives together– “Let’s think of some ideas here.” – Use of facilitator?

• Against established criteria• Listen to each other• Have accountability• Take action

5 Steps to Win/Win Conflict Mgt

5 – Evaluate Alternatives and Agree on a Solution

• Conflict situations are all around us• Taking a proactive approach to understand your

own style and working to improve it, will enhance your overall effectiveness in your job

• Communication is key!• Learn from each situation and others

Take Aways

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION!

Tom Goodman, M.EdDirector of Coaching Educationtgoodman@usyouthsoccer.org