chapter 3 drawing people together

CHAPTER 3DRAWING PEOPLE

TOGETHERForces of Social

Attraction

ACTIVATE YOUR BRAIN

1.Do you think physical attraction is important when initiating a relationship? Can communication mediate the effects?

2.When is complementarity good? When is it a problem?

3.What is the hard-to-get phenomenon?4.Give an example of someone you feel Task attraction towards

Give an example for Social attraction.

TYPES OF ATTRACTION: The BIG 3 Physical

Drawn to appearance—body, eyes, hair, attire, size, ethnicity, or other aspects of appearance.

Social Someone you’d like to hang out with and/or become

friends with Task-Oriented

Someone who can fulfill instrumental goals(Box 3.1, p. 50-51-assessment)

SECONDARY TYPES OF ATTRACTION Sexual

The desire to engage in sexual activity with someone

Often accompanied by sexual arousal when around that person

May stem from physical attraction, but it is different

Relational Subcategory of social attraction? (Flashbulb

attraction) Desire to have intimate relationship

Do these overlap in romantic relationship?

CHEMICAL ATTRACTION Physiological and neurological aspects of

atrtraction Especially the hormone oxytocin. Oxytocin creates a “warm afterglow, tinting

our subsequent experiences with rose-colored glasses.” (nasal injection study)

Also the brain produces dopamine, the primary pleasure chemical in the human system when around love object.

PROBLEMATIC ATTRACTIONFatal Attraction

The very qualities that drew us to someone eventually contribute to relational breakup Sense of humor, outgoing, flirtatious Other examples?

NarcissistsWhy?

FRAMEWORK FOR STUDYING ATTRACTION

PERSONAL QUALITIES & PREFERENCES

Perceptions of Reward Value: What we look for is based on our personal

preferences and perceptions of what is rewarding:

Companionship, affection, sex, fun, financial resources

Expectancies: Based on stereotypes or past experiences Violations can increase or decrease attraction…

how? Expectations and self-fulfilling prophecies Expectation of future interaction increases the

chances that people will find the individual attractive. Why?

PERSONAL QUALITIES & PREFS (CONT.) Demographic Characteristics

Sex and Gender (what’s the difference?) Men look for physical attractiveness, women look

for similarity/personality. Women more attracted to older men; men are

more attracted to younger women. How might socio-evolutionary theory explain this?

Any other explanations?

This research may be flawed by social desirability bias, but what would you predict for a woman who is 23 years old and thinking of marriage?

HOW ABOUT A MAN’S CHOICE?

PERSONAL QUALITIES & PREFS (CONT.)

Gender Differences: “Traditional” men and women (i.e., masculine men and feminine women) may be more attracted to the “traditional” other

What about androgynous individuals?

Age Seem to be Sexual Orientation few differences

Personality Differences Attachment Style: secure, dismissive,

fearful avoidant, preoccupied—(more in Ch. 7)

Relationship Beliefs (destiny & growth beliefs)

Self-Esteem Narcissism (exaggerated sense of self

importance, though possibly low self-esteem so may be attracted to those who admire them)

Personal Qualities & Prefs (cont.)

QUALITIES OF THE OTHER PERSON Physical Appearance

Universal Attributes of Beauty Body and Facial Symmetry Height for men Body Proportionality and the Golden Ratio Waist-to-Hip Ratio Physical fitness and athletic build(both men and women)

What is Beautiful is Good Hypothesis (Halo Effect) Evolutionary Theory (aspects related to health

and fertility) Interaction Appearance Theory

People perceive others as less attractive when in a relationship

and more attractive if they have warm, positive interactions with them.

Assimilation Effect Some of the attention that physically attractive people

get spills over to their friend

Theories of Physical Attractiveness

Interpersonal Communication Skills May override physical attractiveness Warmth, sociability, and competence Dominance and altruistic behavior combo most

attractive to women The Loss-Gain Effect

Qualities of the Other Person, cont.

Hard-to-Get PhenomenonWho do we find more attractive?

Easy to get Moderately difficult Very difficult

Which do we prefer?1. Easy for us to get--Difficult for others to get2. Difficult for us to get--Easy for others to get

Qualities of the Other Person, cont.

The Chemistry Between Two PeopleSimilarity: Do Birds of a Feather Flock

Together? Attitudinal similarity

Reinforcement Model Similarity in communication skill

Why are poor communicators attracted to other poor communicators?

Similarity in Physical Attractiveness The matching hypothesis (degree, not kind)

Implicit egotism

Complementarity: Do opposites attract?Differences in degree or kind on various dimensions of behavior, attitudes, resources, etc.

When people have differences, which seems to work better?

Resources and behaviorsAttitudes and values

What role does commitment play in the importance of similarity vs. complementarity?

Chemistry, cont.

ENVIRONMENTAL & SOCIAL FACTORS Microenvironmental Features

Reinforcement Affect Model certain environments make people feel good

Excitation Transfer Dutton and Aron’s (1974) Bridge Study

Influence from Social Networks Approval from family & friends The Romeo and Juliet Effect

Proximity How might online dating sites change this?

WHAT RESEARCH HAS NOT YET BEEN ABLE TO TELL US--

What elements of attraction predict a long-term and satisfying relationship?

Suggestions?