2013 cra-w graduate cohort workshop balancing graduate school and personal life
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2013 CRA-W Graduate Cohort Workshop
Balancing Graduate School and Personal Life
A.J. BrushSenior Researcher
Microsoft Research
Thanks to Andrea Danyluk, Tiffani Williams
(GHC 2011 on this topic), Padma Raghavan (GHC 2012 on this topic)
Everyone’s Definition of Everyone’s Definition of Professional-Personal Balance is DifferentProfessional-Personal Balance is Different
• Your definition must be unique to you and your situation.
• Without a definition or some type of guidance, how will you know you are out-of-balance?
• Being out of balance causes even more stress, etc.
Question #1: What does Question #1: What does Graduate School and Personal Graduate School and Personal
Life Balance Mean to You?Life Balance Mean to You?AKAAKA
I feel in balance when _______.I feel in balance when _______.I feel out of balance when I feel out of balance when
____.____.
A.J.’s JourneyA.J.’s Journey
Parallel Computing,Graphics
Got married in Got married in Graduate SchoolGraduate School
Moved to St. Louis, Moved to St. Louis, 1 year leave from 1 year leave from graduate schoolgraduate school
Human Computer Interaction
Returned to Returned to Graduate SchoolGraduate School
Human Computer Interaction
Finished Ph.D., Finished Ph.D., internships, had a kid,internships, had a kid,
post-docpost-doc
Joined MSR in 2004, Joined MSR in 2004, husband found job,husband found job,
had another kidhad another kid
Question #1: What does Question #1: What does Graduate School and Personal Graduate School and Personal
Life Balance Mean to You?Life Balance Mean to You?AKAAKA
I feel in balance when _______.I feel in balance when _______.I feel out of balance when I feel out of balance when
____.____.
Take a few minutes now to write down your answers
A.J. feels “Balanced” when IA.J. feels “Balanced” when I• Minimize work in the evenings/weekends • Spend time in my kids classrooms• Exercise
A.J. feels “Un-Balanced”:A.J. feels “Un-Balanced”:• Email inbox gets large• Too many meetings back to back• 6 month/year professional goals aren’t well
defined
Question #2: When do you Question #2: When do you feel in and out of balance?feel in and out of balance?
Session Take-awaySession Take-away
“Balance” takes effortCan we each leave with 2 balance goals?•Next week goal (short term)•6 month goal (longer term)
How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:General Academic StressesGeneral Academic Stresses
• The nature of grad school itself– Open-ended– What it means to complete a milestone more vague once
course requirements complete– No obvious finishing date
• We’re “high achievers”– We tend to be goal-oriented perfectionists– There’s always more to do– Can feel as if it’s a competition for “who works the
hardest”• We all have insecurities• We can’t manage an insane pace forever
– Burnout, poor productivity• Demands come from many directions
How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:Some Specific Academic StressesSome Specific Academic Stresses
• Courses– Want to learn the material and to do well– Need to learn that sometimes doing “well enough” is ok
• Research– Might be a new experience– Requires a new level of independence and confidence (paper
submissions, rejections….)– Need to push through the times when you’re just stuck– Requires dealing with group dynamics– Requires learning from but also “managing” your advisor
• Advisor/Thesis Topic• Service
– It’s fun (and easy!) to get involved in departmental and other service
– Extra demands placed on women• Work as a TA, RA, etc.
How we get out-of balance:How we get out-of balance:Personal StressesPersonal Stresses
• Many people in our lives (partners, parents, friends, children)– A source of happiness, but– Their stresses can be our stresses
• For many, a time for finding a partner, starting a family
• Managing finances on a grad student stipend• Logistics of caring for a home (even a small
shared apartment), a car, etc.• Health issues
Achieving balance:Achieving balance:Goals and ExpectationsGoals and Expectations
• Know your own goals– Prioritize them– Post them where you can see them, if needed
• Understand others’ expectations– Know which expectations are self-inflicted!
• Understand what’s required to achieve a goal– Know why you want to achieve it– Be sure (to the extent possible) that it’s achievable– Know how to evaluate your progress– Talk to your mentors and others
• Learn to enjoy the process– Focus on the present– Appreciate your achievements before moving on
Question #3: What Are Question #3: What Are Your Balance/Life Goals?Your Balance/Life Goals?
TIPS & STRATEGIES TIPS & STRATEGIES FOR BALANCINGFOR BALANCING
http://www.phdcomics.com
Tip 1: Time Management!!!!!Tip 1: Time Management!!!!!
• Treat graduate school like a job– It doesn’t need to be/shouldn’t be 24 hrs/7 days a week
• Know when it’s time to stop– For many tasks, 1-hr increments work well– Keep the perfectionist in you under control
• Get organized– To-do lists: short, medium, and long term– Keep a calendar– Set aside time each day to review your schedule
• Avoid distractions– Make a list of your bad habits– Set aside quiet time; pick a time to work when others aren’t
there– Set aside time for email– If a stray thought pops into your head, write it down. Save it
for later.
TIME SPENT != PRODUCTIVITY
http://www.phdcomics.com
Tip 2: Cope with InsecuritiesTip 2: Cope with Insecurities
• Seek out a support system– Mentors– Family and friends
• Realize that we all have insecurities• Do your homework to minimize your chances
of failing– But everyone will fail once in a while. It’s a
natural consequence of doing something hard.• Learn to enjoy your successes
– Don’t belittle your own accomplishments– Keep a “good file” of positive feedback
Tip 3: Choose activities carefullyTip 3: Choose activities carefully
• Saying “yes” to one thing means saying “no” to something else– Or at least it means having less time for
what you’re already doing• Take some time before you decide
– “Thanks for the invitation let me think it over and get back to you by X”
• Does it fit your goals and priorities?• Don’t do anything out of guilt
– Say “yes” or “no” to the task, not the person
Tip 4: Managing OthersTip 4: Managing Others
• If you plan to say “no” to a request to take on a new responsibility– Do it as soon as possible– Suggest someone else who might be available and want
to do it– If you really wish you could do it, say so; ask to be invited
again• Set boundaries, parameters
– Explain why you believe it will take longer– Communicate about the resources you need
• What to do about the advisor, student (if you’re a TA), fellow grad student who needs you now– “I’d be happy to talk/help you/etc. Can we schedule a
time (in 5 min, an hour, next week….) do do that?”
Tip 5: Making time for yourselfTip 5: Making time for yourself
• Schedule time for yourself– “Free time” won’t magically appear; you have
to make it• Exercise.• Share responsibilities with friends• Throw money at responsibilities (when you
can afford it; can be tough as a grad student!)
• Streamline• Don’t apologize for the fact that you have a
life outside of grad school!
Tip 6: Learn what motivates you!Tip 6: Learn what motivates you!
• Figure out how you are motivated– “Fear” – e.g. sign up for half marathon– “Big reward” – trip/clothes/stuff– Publicity – tell all your friends– ….
• Use that to achieve your goals
REWARD YOURSELF!
Discussion:Discussion:
Discussion Starter Ideas•Work Overload •Advisors/Thesis topics•Two-body opportunities•Children/Family•“Lean-in”
Session Take-awaySession Take-away
“Balance” takes effortCan we each leave with 2 goals•Next week goal (short term)•6 month goal (longer term)
THIS IS A CONSTANT WORK-IN-PROGRESS YOU WILL HAVE UP’s AND DOWN’s
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