1 communicating effectively chapter 9. 2 learn to listen.... you don't learn anything from...

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Communicating Effectively

Chapter 9

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Learn to Listen.... You don't learn anything from hearing yourself talk.

from Love by Leo Buscaglia

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93% of communication is nonverbal 55% through facial expression, posture,

gesture 38% through tone of voice

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Nonverbal Communication Shaking hands, posture, facial expressions,

appearance, voice, tone, hairstyle, clothes, expression in your eyes, smile, how close you stand to others, how you listen, confidence, your breathing, the way you move, the way you stand, the way you touch people, color choice, silence.

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People can think approximately 500 words per minute

And the average person speaks 125 - 150 words per minute

People can give their full attention for approximately 20 seconds

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Communication… Means to impart or to participate

Latin word

Imparts a message but also requires participation by both sender and receiver

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Communication Sending

Receiving messages

Verbal and non-verbal

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3 Habits That Discourage Communication Interrupting with trivial questions

Giving unasked for advice

Topping someone else’s story

What happens when communication is a one-way process?

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“I” Messages Say how you feel

What you think

Don’t criticize

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3 parts of an “I” Message I feel ---------

-------when you---------

------because--------

No NEGATIVE feelings by avoiding attacks

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“I” Messages…… Focus on underlying problem and not on

attacking other

How can your tone of voice affect what you are communicating?

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Are people aware of their own tone of voice and body language???

Deaf teacher???

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How can non-verbal communication be misleading?

Rolling eyes, looking away (maybe just tired)

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Ty decides to use an “I” message to tell Milos how he feels. He said, “I feel you were late on purpose, Milos. I think you owe me a big apology for making me wait so long.” Ty is surprised when Milos glares at him instead of apologizing.

Does Ty actually use an “I” message?

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Right Tone Words contain a positive message, but how

he says those words are the key.

How can the tone of your voice affect what you are communicating?

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Body Language Person’s posture Facial expressions Gestures Way of moving Affect not only how other see you but how

they react to you Are people aware of their body language?

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Eye Contact

Direct visual contact with another person’s eye

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Different cultures have different interpretations

Arab nations avoid speaking to anyone with sunglasses

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Arabic, Chinese, Latin America Use non-verbal communication

U.S., Canada, Germany Rely more on words

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Managing Your Image Good grooming

Good appearance

Good posture

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Choose time and place for speaking to someone

Talk when other person feels like talking Don’t ask parent a serious question when

they just arrived home Avoid times when emotions are high Make sure person isn’t distracted

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Messages Received Active listening Concentrating on what is said so that you

understand and remember the messagehelps relationshipshelps you growhelps you know about your worldboosts self-esteem

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Feedback Listener lets speaker know what he or she

is trying to understand from the message being delivered Interject comment in pause Summarize what the other person was saying Express your interest by asking questions Show empathy

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How To Listen Better 1. Concentrate 2. Listen with purpose 3. Be positive 4. Make eye contact 5. Control emotions 6. Keep an open mind 7. Don’t interrupt

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Why is choosing the right time and place important to communication?

Why should you listen with a purpose?

How can you offer feedback without interrupting the speaker?

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Distances  Intimate distance-no more than 18 inches apart      mom and baby 2. Personal Distance-18 inches to 4 feet      Casual and personal conversations 3. Social distance-4-12 feet      impersonal, business, social gatherings 4.  Public distance-More than 12 feet      Public speaking

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WHY DO WE HAVE PROBLEMS LISTENING? Cognitive Dissonance, a psychological

theory that applies to communication, states that a person feels conflict it they hold two or more attitudes that are in opposition to each other. One way people reduce dissonance is by ignoring the conflict that is causing the conflict.

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Anxiety-Sometimes we can't listen because our anxiety is too high.

The Controlling Listener-always looks for a way to talk about themselves and what they are thinking about.

The Passive Listener-Exerts little listening effort-listen like a couch potatoes

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Negative listening responses Denying feelings:   "You shouldn't feel that way. "  Competing:  "I had a situation that was much worse than yours."  Evaluating:  "Your husband doesn't appreciate the work you do."  Being Philosophical: "All bosses are hard to get along with."      "That's the way life is"

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Responding defensively:  "Don't blame me, I told you not to.." Giving Advice:   "Quit this job and get a new one." "Calm down"  Defending the other person:  "Well understand her side."  Expressing Sympathy:  "I really feel sorry for you, it must be awful." Questioning:   "What did you do to make him mad?"

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Forms of Non-listening Pseudo listening-pretending to listen Monopolizing-Hogging the stage by continuously

focusing communication on ourselves instead of the person who is talking

Selective listening- We screen out the parts that don't interest us.  We reject communication that bores us or makes us uncomfortable.

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Defensive Listening- Perceiving personal attacks, criticims, or hostile undertones in communication where none is intended.

Ambushing- Listening carefully for the purpose of attacking the other speaker

Literal Listening-Listening only to the content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning.

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Positive Listening Response Suspend Judgment Paraphrasing/Restating: "In other words, your decision was to..." "Your fed up with what's happening." Minimal Encouragers: " Tell me more" "Really" "Go on" "uh-huh" "Yeah" "I see" "That's interesting" Nod "Please go on..."

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Ask questions "What do you plan to do?" "How do you feel about that?" "How are you working this through?" "Have you just started feeling this way?" "What are our reasons for feeling this

way?"

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Express support "I can tell you've given this a lot of thought." "I disagree with you but I respect your decision." Reflecting "You were pretty upset by this..." Identify the emotion "Are you mad at the situation or just a little

discouraged?" Let the person work out the problem-- "What are you going to do now?"

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Who you are speaks so loudly

that I cannot hear what you are saying.

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Did you know that Silent  and Listen are made from the same letters?

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Language Riddles 1.     If you went to bed at 8:00PM, wound

the clock and stet the alarm to get you up at 9:00AM, how many hours of sleep would this permit you to have?

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1 hour  (it’s a wind up clock)

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2.     Do they have a 4th of July in England?

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Yes

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3.     How many birthdays does the average man have?

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one

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4.     Why can’t a man living in Winston-Salem, N.C. be buried west of the Mississippi?

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He is living

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5.     If you only had one match and entered a room in which there were a kerosene lamp, and oil heater, and a wood burning stove, which would you light first?

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Match

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6.     Some months have 30 days, some have 31, but how many have 28?

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all

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7.     If a doctor gave you 3 pills and told you to take one every half hour, how long would they last you?

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1 hr

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8.     How far can a dog run into the woods?

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Half way

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9.     What 8 words appear on every current denomination of U.S. coin?

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"In God we Trust-United States of America"

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10.     I have 2 U.S. coins which total 55 cents in value.  One is not a nickel. which are the 2 coins?

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50 cent piece and a 5 cent piece  (one is a nickel and one is not)

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11.     A farmer had 17 sheep: all but nine died.  How many are left?

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9

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A woman gives a beggar 50 cents.  The woman is the beggar’s sister, but the beggar is not the woman’s brother.  Why not?

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She’s sister

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How many of each species did Moses take aboard the ark?  

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Noah not Moses

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Is it legal in Texas for a man to marry his widow’s sister?

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He’s dead

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Lastly…… Can you name three consecutive days of

the week without naming Sunday, Tuesday, or Friday?

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Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow

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Why are there interstate hiways in Hawaii?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?

Why is it that when transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, it's called cargo?

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There is on egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger, neither apple or pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England nor French Fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet ate meat.

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Quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend; that you can comb through the annals of history, but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

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How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike?

Why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fig, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham"

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

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One goose, 2 geese, So one moose, two meese? Is cheese the plural of choose? One mouse, 2 mice, One louse, 2 lice, One house, 2 hice?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

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Why do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Why do people have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

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When a house burns up it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

When I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it!

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Activities Crystal Clear

Divide into groups

Come up with 6 to 8 characteristics to send verbal and non-verbal messages