Advanced Code of Influence

Book 1

2

Table of Contents

Foreword ....................................................................................................................................................... 3

Book 1: Recognizing the Self ....................................................................................................................... 5

The Core of Influence: The Self ............................................................................................................... 5

Self-Awareness ......................................................................................................................................... 6

The Two Kinds of Self-Awareness ........................................................................................................... 9

Self-Knowledge: The Roadmap to the Self ............................................................................................ 17

How Does the Concept of the Self Come About? .................................................................................. 20

The Four-Step Feedback Method ............................................................................................................ 24

How We Handle Discrepancies .............................................................................................................. 27

Positive Social Reflection vs. Negative Social Comparison ................................................................... 33

Self-Esteem ............................................................................................................................................. 37

The Most Powerful Self-Motive of All ................................................................................................... 43

Self-Enhancement Strategies .................................................................................................................. 46

Developing the Social Self ...................................................................................................................... 50

In Focus: Cultural Differences ................................................................................................................ 56

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Foreword

We live in a world divided by only two classes

of people: the influencers and the influenceės.

No matter how you think about it, society works

precisely because some people have mastered

the art of influence while others feel strongly

about what leaders and influencers have to say.

We‟re here today so I can help catapult you to

the very top of human communication,

persuasion and influence. Contained within this

book are concise yet in-depth strategies that will

show you that humans are always looking out to

associate themselves with the right social group

and you can use this tendency to effectively

affiliate and influence others.

The Advanced Code of Influence takes you the

heart of the human self-concept and how it

develops in relation to social groups and society

itself. This book bares the very core of human

thinking and reveals how you can always get the

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upper hand in whatever situation you may find

yourself in. So sit back, relax and let the

Advanced Code of Influence take you on an

enlightening journey that will span the entire

measure of human existence, from singularity

(the self) to plurality (society and social groups).

Paul Mascetta

5

Book 1: Recognizing the Self

The Core of Influence: The Self

One of the key characteristics that differentiate

the human species from the rest of the animal

kingdom is reflexive thought. Reflexive thought

works in two major ways. One, it allows you to

think about your present identity in relation to

society and its various components and

subgroups and two, it also allows you to analyze

how people see you as a distinct and unique

member of society.

Reflexive thought is the seed of individualism,

creativity and excellence and in many ways, this

capability has allowed human to create vast

civilizations within a small timeframe compared

to the time spent by other species that have

existed before humans.

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The existence of reflexive thought proves that it

takes more than intelligence and the ability to

use tools to forge a civilization. More than

anything, self-awareness has made humans what

they are in the first place. Without self-

awareness, there will be no concept of survival

and there would be no „race‟ against other

members of the species for better living spaces,

resources, etc. In short – without reflexive

thought, modern society as we know it will not

exist today.

Self-Awareness

With the presence of the self comes the

realization that we are all distinct individuals

with peculiar behaviors, drives and desires. This

individuation (which occurs on the most basic

levels of human community and interaction) is

defined by self-awareness. Self-awareness is

like your rear-view and side-view mirrors: it

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gives you a way to evaluate your own position

in relation to others.

With self-awareness, you become more aware

of your positionality within specific contexts or

situations. It gives you access to true knowledge

regarding your own thought patterns and

behaviors. Without self-awareness, you will not

be able to exert influence over others because

influence requires a mastery of the self,

primarily, not of others.

We will come back to this crucial point later on

in the book. Suffice to say, self-awareness plays

a very crucial role in the formation of one‟s

identity, which is the cornerstone of influence in

society. Now, does self-awareness emerge along

with other natural instincts, like suckling or

moving around our arms when feel like we‟re

falling from a high place?

The answer is no: self-awareness, though it is

peculiar to the human species, actually develops

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over a period of time. Babies are not born with a

concept that they are distinct individuals moving

about in an environment with ever changing

variables. An old study conducted a few decades

ago proved that at the outset, babies will treat

their own mirror reflections as other individuals.

However, when babies reached at eighteen

months of age, they will begin to react to their

reflection in the mirror by performing actions

that will validate that they are indeed the ones in

the mirror. For example, if you place a red dot

on an eighteen month old baby‟s nose, that baby

will react by touching the red dot on his nose.

That single action marks the transition from

being „just‟ a baby to a being a self-ware

individual.

Now, why does this happen in the first place?

According to studies in neurological science, it

appears that the frontal lobe (which is

responsible for intentional behavior) begins to

develop at an accelerated pace at this age.

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During adulthood, there is evidence that there is

also increased activity in the frontal lobe when a

person chooses to be more self-aware.

The Two Kinds of Self-Awareness

There are generally two kinds of self-awareness:

private self-awareness and public self-

awareness. An individual becomes temporarily

self-aware about his appearance or actions when

he sees himself on a mirror or when he stops to

think what he will be doing throughout the day.

When a person chooses to engage in private

self-awareness, three things happen:

1.There is a heightened emotional response

2.There is a more accurate analysis of existing

condition

3.There will be reinforcement of familiar

beliefs

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Let‟s discuss these three consequences. The first

consequence revolves around a person‟s

emotions. If a person is happy when he becomes

privately self-aware, the tendency is that he will

become even happier. There is a marked

intensification of existing emotional states.

Inversely, a depressed individual, upon

contemplating his current circumstances, may

become even more depressed. A person‟s state

of mind is affected greatly by self-awareness

and contemplation, which is why it‟s important

to shift out of negative emotional states because

negative emotions will only attract more

negative emotions.

The second consequence is that a person

becomes more aware of what‟s happening

within himself and without. A person who is

privately self-aware will base his analysis on

what is truly happening rather than what is

being said by others.

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There is an increased drive to clarify new and

existing knowledge and the person becomes

more aware of the variables and conditions in

his own situation. The third consequence

concerns self-validation more than anything.

A person who is not self-aware will find it

easier to change specific behaviors if these

behaviors have a negative impact on himself;

inversely, if a behavior is proving to be a

beneficial behavior, he will continue on the

same path.

Self-awareness on the other hand, will allow a

person to „stick to his guns‟ regardless of the

impact of the behavior. Normative forces in

society will not affect a person‟s decision to

stick to his behaviors. Influence, therefore,

decreases, when a person becomes privately

self-aware.

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The second kind of self-awareness (based on a

person‟s positionality) is public self-awareness.

Public self-awareness occurs when a person

experiences heightened self-consciousness

because he can be evaluated by another person

or by a group of people (i.e. the media, an

audience in a meeting, audience in an academic

presentation, etc.)

Anxiety and other negative emotions are

common when a person experiences public self-

awareness. When you become too self-aware

when you have to present something to an

audience, your body language and speech will

reveal your exact emotions. If you think that you

will not look good when you talk to someone or

when you present something to a large audience,

you become even more anxious and nervous.

During periods of public self-awareness, a

person also becomes aware of two different

images or projections of himself: the private

image (or what he thinks of himself) and the

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public image (the image seen by others when he

is evaluated by the public). There is a big

difference between what you think you look like

and what others see in you.

If there is a big incongruence between these two

images, people tend to think and feel negatively.

Public self-awareness, unlike private self-

awareness, has a normative impact on people.

Public self-awareness can force a person to

adhere to certain parameters of acceptable

behavior. The kinds of behavior that may be

adapted by a public self-aware individual will

vary depending on the situation.

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Now, it is important to note that it is normal for

people to become self-aware at specific

situations. There is nothing wrong with self-

awareness; in fact, with self-awareness, you can

discover more about yourself and you can

improve the facets of yourself that have a direct

impact on the persona that you are projecting to

the public.

However, if you become too self-conscious and

you fail to use this ability to reflect on your

public image and your behavior, you may have

to deal with certain consequences. According to

studies, people who have a very high level of

private self-awareness are more likely to

develop neuroses or psychological problems

(i.e. depression) because self-aware people tend

to focus on negative aspects of their lives

instead of the positive aspects.

This tendency to continually ruminate on the

negative has a marked impact on a person‟s

mental health. What about public self-

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awareness? Public self-awareness allows a

person to adjust his behavior for a particular

group of people.

That‟s why we used the term „normative‟

earlier. However, too much public self-

awareness can also have a negative impact on

yourself. Chronic and heightened public self-

awareness may affect you in two ways. First,

you may become obsessed with „fitting in‟. A

person who is too preoccupied with „fitting in‟

may sacrifice his creativity and individuality in

the process of fitting in.

So you can imagine putting yourself in a

situation where you sport the same hairstyle,

clothes and mannerisms of those around you. In

essence, that‟s what too much normativity does.

It homogenizes people and cuts out the parts of

a group that is simply different.

Because of this marked change in the way you

think because of heightened public self-

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awareness, you may also begin to evaluate other

people based solely on their outward appearance

and public projection.

In a way, your perspective of the world changes

drastically because you will no longer be

interested in critically analyzing what‟s in front

of you. You will simply look once and examine

a „thin slice‟ of the situation based on physical

appearance and other superficial traits.

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Self-Knowledge: The Roadmap to the Self

Self-awareness is like the doorway that leads

directly to who you are. This type of reflexive

thought allows a person to literally examine

what his life has been like and what he can do to

improve it.

Now, the human mind thrives on organization.

Memories and thoughts are not store

haphazardly; there is a system and self-

awareness itself uses a particular scheme to

store information in a way that will make sense

to a person when he is engaged in reflective

thought. This scheme is called the self-schema.

A self-schema can be defined in two ways:

1.A self-schema shows you exactly how you

intend to react to specific situations and

events.

2.A self-schema consists of our experiences

and traits; specific traits are bound to

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different events. Our behavior is defined by

the way we react to people and situations.

Here are examples of self-schemas:

Person A has always been an introvert (because

he has always been a quiet person at school and

he keeps to himself most of the time).

He is good at sports (he joined the basketball

team in high school and earned an educational

scholarship with his basketball prowess).

Person A has always loved Oriental cooking (as

evidence by his preference for Chinese and

Japanese cuisine).

Take note that we do not code all of traits,

tendencies and behaviors in one large schema.

We create many schemas in our memory and we

use these schemas as needed.

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As you can imagine, some self-schemas are

more useful and important than other schemas.

Some minor schemas are only used in rare

occasions (i.e. when a person is required to

dance in front of others with a partner; the

response to this type of situation is dictated by

the particular schema that a person already has

about similar experiences).

It is very important to become aware of our

self-schemas because these are the internal

codes that we refer to when we need to

something. Without self-schemas, reflective

thought and meaningful interaction with others

is simply not possible. When a person is faced

with a situation, it is the self-schema that tells

the person directly what to do.

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This diagram shows how self-schemas are

utilized in every activity and interaction.

Simply put – you cannot escape your own self-

schemas any more than you can escape the fact

that you have to wake up at one point during the

day. It is unavoidable which is why we need to

embrace it because you can actually use self-

schemas to improve the way you behave or react

in different situations.

How Does the Concept of the Self Come

About?

We all know now that we are able to access

knowledge about ourselves by referring to the

various self-schemas that we have developed

Stimulus/Experience/ Event

Self-Schemas Action

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over the years. But the question now is: how do

these self-schemas develop in the first place?

Modern studies in human behavior and thinking

have been able to define specific contours and

boundaries when it comes to the formation of

the concept of the self. Of course, there can be

endless debates as to how the self is actually

developed over time.

The concept of the self is so important to so

many disciplines that you will find different

models and theories about it across a wide

plethora of fields such as anthropology,

philosophy and even literary criticism. But for

the purpose of this book, we will be looking

carefully at the concept of the self as it is

applied directly to any social setting.

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Now, let‟s move on to a concept called self-

comparison. Self-comparison is every important

to the concept of the self because without it,

there would be no way for a person to establish

coordinates that will allow him to develop the

self over time.

How does self-comparison work? Here‟s a

straightforward explanation: self-comparison

works by setting standards that person would

model himself against. These standards may

come from an ideal mental image of the self or

from certain standards emanating from one‟s

own social group. The type of comparison

taking place in our minds is dependent on the

kind of self-awareness that we have.

If you are always privately self-aware, you are

more concerned with personal standards of

appearance, behavior, accomplishments, etc. If

you have a higher level of public self-

awareness, you will be more concerned with

what other people think of you and how other

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see you, so you are more concerned with

extraneous standards of behavior, appearance,

etc.

Self-comparison can happen on both conscious

and subconscious levels. So even if you are not

consciously thinking that you are trying to

satisfy certain standards in your life, you are

actually actively working to fulfill these

standards in your own life.

Only a person with very dim self-awareness will

be able to avoid this type of thinking because

any person who wants to at the best position to

influence others and to accomplish his goals in

life would want full access to mental tools that

will allow a person to modify his way of

thinking.

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The Four-Step Feedback Method

According to one theory, people consciously (or

unconsciously) use a four-step feedback method

to test whether or not they are attaining personal

goals or satisfying particular standards. You can

use this feedback method too, so you can

systematically improve certain aspects of your

life that require your attention. The four-step

feedback method works this way:

Step # 1: Identify a particular goal or standard

that you think would help improve yourself in

any way.

Step # 2: Ask yourself – do you already fulfill

this standard or have you attained this goal?

If the answer is “no”, proceed to Step # 4. If the

answer is “yes”, proceed with Step # 3.

Step # 3: What would help you attain this goal

or satisfy this private/personal or public

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standard? Test your theory and perform the

actions needed to satisfy the standard you had

in mind. After testing your theory through action

and appropriate decision-making, ask yourself

once again: do you satisfy the standard?

If the answer is “no”, repeat Step # 3. If the

answer is “yes”, proceed to Step # 4.

Step # 4: You have completed the feedback

method.

It is crucial that you always ask yourself this

vital question when you are performing the

four-step feedback method: am I attaining my

goal with what I am doing? Since you are

choosing to consciously perform this feedback

method, I have to remind you gentle folks that

you have to go back to Step # 3 if you still

haven‟t satisfied the standard or goal that you

had in mind.

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Since this process of self-critique can be quite

taxing, I recommend that you focus on one

standard or one goal only whenever you want to

perform this feedback method. Because

according to social theory, 9 times out of 10,

you will be mentally tuckered out after just one

round with the four-step feedback method. So

learn to pace yourself and don‟t focus on other

issues when you are actively engaged in this

method.

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How We Handle Discrepancies

As a person develops and adjusts his own

identity (or self) to the constantly changing

demands of the world that he lives in, he uses

different tools to reach goals and satisfy

beneficial standards. With constant striving he is

able to implement changes to the way he thinks,

interacts and behaves in different situations.

Whenever a person becomes consciously self-

aware, he has to contend with three very

different (yet intimately associated) self-

schemas: the actual self, the ought self and the

ideal self. The actual self reflects a person‟s

behavior, thought patterns, tendencies and

accomplishments at the present time.

So in essence, it‟s the „basket of goodies‟ that a

person carries around with him wherever he

goes. The contents of the basket are already in

his possession. The ought self on the other hand,

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is composed of self-schemas that show a person

what kinds of traits or goals he should pursue.

The “ought self” is a self-image based on what

we think we should do in life (i.e. an office

worker may imagine himself to be a

photographer or artist instead of being „just‟ an

office worker). The ideal self is a set of self-

schemas that point to traits and

accomplishments that a person wishes he could

possess in the future. It should be noted that the

“ought self” is usually developed using

standards and expectations that are extraneous

to oneself.

Here‟s an example: Person B is currently

working as a line cook in a restaurant. Deep

down he feels that he wants to be a painter or

photographer. He loves the arts. His parents on

the other hand, want him to pursue a career in

engineering. Here‟s how we can break down the

various self-schema groups:

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Actual self: line cook

Ought self: Engineer

Ideal self: Artist

Even if Person A did not receive any feedback

from his family, the “ought self” would

eventually develop due to the pressures of

society itself. Notice that if you perform a facile

analysis of the three group self-schemas, there is

incongruity or discrepancy.

Incongruity or discrepancy between groups of

self-schemas is very common – which is why

self-aware individuals are almost always

working hard to make sure that the actual self is

congruent with the “ought self” and the “ideal

self”.

Now, it is important to note right now that

whenever you are trying to resolve any

differences between the three groups of self-

schemas, you have to stay focused on your

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different goals and you should not let your

emotional baggage get the best of you.

Because according to social psychology when

people perform even small activities that remind

them of their “ought self” and “ideal self”,

people are at higher risk for psychological

discomfort. There is a tendency for people to

become anxious, agitated, depressed and

worried about their own goals in life.

This shouldn‟t be the case anymore. If you want

to create an ideal, influential identity for

yourself, you have to put yourself above the

emotional baggage. You must exert firm control

over what you think and what you feel. Gone are

the days that you can be easily swayed by

negative emotions or a „bad day‟.

To a person of influence, there is no such thing

as a bad day anymore because he would be too

busy working on something that would

ultimately benefit himself. And there really is no

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reason for you to be agitated about your other

self-schemas.

Why should you be depressed or anxious in any

way? These schemas are yours. You created

these schemas. You were the one who accepted

these standards in the first place and if

something really isn‟t working out right now

and you feel depressed or agitated because of

these self-schemas, you can choose to either

modify or adjust these self-schemas as you see

fit.

In the end, there really isn‟t a fixed ideal

representation of what your identity should be in

the first place, because identities were meant to

be created and adjusted based on a person‟s

capacities and his present opportunities.

We create “ought” self-schemas and “idea” self-

schemas by comparing our actual self with the

self-schemas of other people. This isn‟t

necessarily a bad thing, in fact, you can learn a

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lot about personal excellence from people that

you look up to in terms of achievement,

accomplishments, etc.

What I‟m trying to point out here is that self-

evaluation and self-schemas should be used to

complement your current abilities. If your self-

schemas make you feel anxious and degraded

all the time, then your self-schemas are

essentially destructive/counter-productive.

In this kind of situation, there is no other choice

but to completely discard counter-productive

self-schemas because in the end, you will only

become paralyzed with all the emotional

baggage that these self-schemas generate.

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Positive Social Reflection vs. Negative Social

Comparison

Social comparison and social reflection can be

so powerful that it can affect your self-esteem.

Merriam-Webster defines self-esteem as “a

confidence and satisfaction in oneself”. As you

can already imagine, self-esteem is an absolute

necessity if you want to continue pursuing your

current goals.

But here‟s the problem: we can‟t help but

engage in social comparison if we know that

another person is succeeding in something that

we are trying to be good in. We can‟t help but

compare ourselves to others if we are essentially

threatened by the presence of another person

who is doing extremely well in what we do.

Is positive social reflection even possible? Well,

it is – but only if one of two conditions is

present:

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1.The other person is in a field of endeavor

that does not matter to you.

2.You know that you are also doing extremely

well and the success of other person within

the same field of endeavor does not threaten

you at all.

If both of these conditions are absent, upward

social comparison will take place. If you don‟t

like the idea of comparing yourself to others so

much because it prevents you from focusing on

your own drive to be the best at what you do,

there are four simple strategies that you can use:

Strategy # 1: Mentally exaggerate the skills of

the other person so you wouldn‟t be on the same

„playing field‟ anymore. For example, if Person

A is intimated by Person B‟s performance at

work, he can say tell himself that the other

person is older and more experienced by far. If

the playing field is made uneven, direct

comparison would become irrelevant. The other

35

person‟s achievements would then become an

inspiration instead of being a threat.

Strategy # 2: Instead of comparing yourself to

the person who threatens you the most, compare

yourself to others who are not performing as

well as you do. We are not engaging in fanciful

imaginings here – we are actually consciously

changing our perspective and positionality to

avoid upward comparison. Because you have to

engage in reflective thought the effort should

produce something positive.

Strategy # 3: If the very presence of the other

person makes you feel anxious and worried,

why do you have to tolerate the other person‟s

presence? Distance yourself – and focus on you

own goals for personal excellence.

Strategy # 4: Shift the point of comparison. If

the other person is good at persuasive speaking,

find another point of comparison where you

would emerge the superior person. For example,

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Person XYZ may be good at something else, but

that won‟t matter anymore because you have

another excellent set of skills.

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Self-Esteem

As critical beings with the ability to reflect on

our own standing in society, we spend most of

our days accomplishing one goal after another

in the hopes that we will someday become fully

satisfied with our various self-schemas.

Before a person can have enough confidence to

carry out his life‟s goals, he needs a relatively

stable level of self-esteem. Now, people have

varying levels of self-esteem, depending on the

situation.

A neurosurgeon may feel extremely confident in

the operating room but his self-esteem may drop

if he was required to perform social dancing in

front of his colleagues. A person‟s self-esteem is

intrinsically tied with his self-schemas.

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Since a person‟s behavior in specific contexts is

determined by individual self-schemas, a person

who has mostly negative self-schemas will react

negatively to most situations. Does self-esteem

have an effect on a person‟s valuation of his

own concept of the self?

Actually, it does: having a low self-esteem

means a person has low valuation of his „self‟.

Inversely, a person who has a high level of self-

esteem has a high/positive valuation of his

concept of the self.

How does a person‟s self-esteem come about in

the first place? Does a person have a consistent

level of self-esteem when is born? Or is it

something that develops over time with the help

of people from a person‟s environment?

According to studies in social psychology,

people who have been brought up by parents

who are authoritarian (i.e. parents who

consistently demand specific modes of behavior

39

and actions from their kids) but are responsive

to the needs of their children tend to have higher

self-esteem than folks who have been brought

up by parents who are demanding but are

permissive or very indulgent toward their

children.

In short – people who have been brought up by

parents with expectations and are able to

reinforce these expectations through positive

action are more likely to have a consistent level

of high self-esteem.

High level of self esteem

Responsive to needs

Authoritatian

Demanding

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What impact does self-esteem have on a

person‟s ability to face challenges in life? Well,

it appears that people who have high self-esteem

are more adept in mood regulation. Mood

regulation is actually an indicator of how

motivated a person is to improve his outlook in

life.

A person who has a more positive outlook of the

self is more likely to act upon negative moods.

Inversely, a person who has chronic low self-

Low self-esteem

Permissiveness

Authoritarian

Demanding

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esteem will most likely dwell on negative

emotions and thought patterns.

I must point out at this point in time that there is

big difference between a reasonably high level

of self-esteem and false self-esteem – which is

also known as narcissism. Narcissistic

individuals appear to have high self-esteem but

their version of self-esteem is actually very

unsteady.

Narcissistic individuals are extremely dependent

on direct social validation to keep their self-

esteem at a certain level. If social validation

does not produce the type of validation that will

complement their high self-esteem, then a

person may become extremely defensive and

aggressive in response to the threat to the ego.

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A person who has a normal level of self-esteem

will not respond with aggression (or at least, not

as frequently as a narcissistic individual).

People with low self-esteem will not react

aggressively when their ego is threatened.

For narcissistic individuals, an aggressive

response is the first line of defense against

anyone or anything that stands in the way of a

consistently high self-esteem. This is why

people who have narcissistic tendencies are

more likely to become extremely argumentative

when other people disagree with their ideas.

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The Most Powerful Self-Motive of All

Why do we hold on to the concept of the self all

the time? Why do we continually struggle with

private and public standards of achievement,

appearance, etc.? There are three associated

motivations with the self:

- Self-verification

- Self-assessment

- Self-enhancement

Among these three associated motivations, no

motivation is more powerful than self-

enhancement. The motivation for self-

enhancement pushes a person to seek new

information as to how he can improve himself in

different ways.

This self-motive is present in everything that we

do unless a person consciously avoids thinking

about himself when he tries to accomplish

things. Self-awareness and self-motive are

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intimately associated; one cannot exist without

the other.

When a person is motivated by self-

enhancement, he looks for positive information

that will help him achieve goals or satisfy

standards. There is a big contrast if we compare

self-enhancement with self-verification.

Self-verification is primarily concerned with

finding differences or discrepancies between

groups of self-schemas. In a way, this leads a

person to focus on negative aspects of himself

rather than on positive aspects. It is alright to

seek out genuine weaknesses and areas that you

can improve but I have to warn everybody that

you should never dwell on negative aspects of

the self.

Dwelling on something is quite different from

acknowledging it and acting upon a negative

aspect to improve that aspect. If you focus on

self-enhancement most of the time, you will be

45

able to modify your behavior in such a way that

you will be able to continually reach your goals

by simply being yourself. The modification of

negative traits will come naturally as you

implement plans that you have devised after you

have utilized the self-enhancement motive.

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Self-Enhancement Strategies

People make use of two main strategies to

maintain their positive outlook in life. The first

strategy focuses on self-affirmation. Self-

affirmation usually occurs when a person suffers

from low self-esteem, either because he feels

that he has not been able to attain his goals or he

his ego has been threatened in some other way

by people or situations.

A person affirms his positive traits and qualities

in the face of low self-esteem to raise his self-

esteem and to improve his outlook in life. This

strategy is useful not only for raising your self-

esteem but also for improving the chances of

following through with plans and goals.

According to a foundational study, it was

discovered that people who affirmed that they

possessed a particular trait or were ready for a

particular undertaking were 95% more likely to

respond to a similar undertaking just so they can

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re-affirm that they indeed possess this trait or

capability.

\

The second self-enhancement strategy is called

selective attribution. Here‟s how it works:

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Let me explain how this strategy is actually

implemented: when something good happens to

a person, he will immediately attribute his

success to internal factors, like his traits.

Inversely, when a person experiences something

bad, like failure, he will attribute the failure or

negative event to extraneous factors (i.e. other

people, society, circumstances, etc.)

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Here are some examples of how this strategy is

used by people to maintain their level of self-

esteem:

“I aced the exam because I have always been

clever in Mathematics.”

“I failed the exam because the teacher did not

discuss the subject matter adequately.”

“I got a hole-in-one today because I’ve been

working so hard on my swing these past few

months.”

“My golf was horrible today because of the

wind speed and we tried out a new golf course.”

“I sold a lot of products today because of my

good marketing skills.”

“I wasn’t able to sell a lot of products because

people didn’t have money and they don’t know

how to respond to a great marketer like me!”

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Developing the Social Self

Each person, whether he likes it or not, belongs

to at least on social group. If you do not belong

to any other group in society, you still belong to

the primary social group which is your family.

We possess two distinct identities in this regard;

the private self and the social self. The social

self can mature and develop adequately if we

are aware how social groups can impact the way

we think, talk, decide and behave.

If you a person identifies strongly with a

particular social group, he exerts consistent

effort to incorporate thinking patterns, behavior,

personal traits and beliefs that his social group is

espousing at the moment.

Because people can easily adapt any behavior

being espoused by the majority of the members

of a social group it is important for the social

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group to create and maintain a positive group

identity.

A social group must not only look good from

the inside, it must also look good from the

perspective of the public. Because as a group, it

is still being evaluated based on the norms of

society itself and people are apt to categorize

social groups based on superficial traits.

How can a social group maintain its cohesion

and positive social identity from the inside?

There should be constant comparison and

evaluation between the members of a group to

ensure that specific ideals and standards are

followed.

As a group, members can compare themselves

to members of other similar social groups so

they can improve discrepancies and weaknesses.

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For example, a small group of aspiring

photographers would usually compare their

activities with a much older and more

established organization of professional

photographers or advanced amateur

photographers to see what they can do to come

close to the level of expertise of the older and

more experienced photograph group.

It is normal for members of certain social

groups to show a bias when it comes to upward

comparison of similar social groups. If a person

feels threatened by another group, his social self

will immediately come to the fore to protect his

own social group.

The social self has a great preference for

„smaller and smaller social circles‟. For

example, a person who belongs to a large

stamp-collecting club would have an in-group of

his own that he would prefer to work with at all

times.

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Within that small in-group, that person would

have his own pals that he would prefer over

other members of the smaller in-group. As a

person joins smaller and smaller social circles,

he is able to gauge his social self based on

comparisons of his sub-group to the main group,

the main group versus other similar groups, etc.

Your social identity has an intimate association

with the collective identity of your social group.

If you belong to a group that has a positive

social identity, you would have no problems

competing with other groups because you know

that your group looks good from the outside and

from the inside, it is doing what it does best.

But what do you do when your group is

suffering from a poor public image? A group

with a poor public image cannot compete easily

with other groups because from the perspective

of the public, you have a weaker group. There

are some strategies to handle this kind of

situation:

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1.Your group can try to compete with a higher

ranking group in certain aspects to improve

the status of your social group.

2.Your group can try to discover something

that you are better at compared to other

groups. This gives the public eye a new

dimension to scrutinize and evaluate

positively. If you succeed in any of these

two strategies, your group‟s social identity

will become more positive and members of

your group will reap the benefits of the

change.

If your group is not showing any redeeming

values a third strategy exists: leave the group.

Leaving a group completely or dis-identifying

with a group allows a person to renew his

private identity and find a new social group to

identify with.

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Now how do you deal with the ups and downs

of having a social group? For example, if you

are a member of a particular group of workers

within your company, how can you maintain a

more positive self-concept in the face of

variable successes and failures? There are two

ways to do this:

1.If your group is successful, you can simply

bask in the glory of the moment because you

are part of the group and you are entitled to

the positive social identity that your group

has is enjoying because of its current

success.

2.If your group has failed at something, you

simply have to look past the failure and not

dwell on it. You should also encourage other

members of your group to do the same –

never dwell on negativity and failures!

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In Focus: Cultural Differences

We now live in a very multi-cultural and

globalist world. Gone are the days when you

have to deal with just one large group of cultural

values. Now we have to contend with economic

and cultural forces that are reshaping the very

landscape that we have been so familiar with

before. Why are we discussing cultural

differences now?

Well, there are some differences in the concept

of the self across various cultures throughout

the world. Differences brought about by culture

will have a large impact on a person‟s ability

and mode of interacting with people from other

cultures. To be truly a person of influence, you

must be able to navigate the stream of cultural

differences that is becoming more and more

common nowadays.

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We don‟t have to engage in a very lengthy

discussion of cultural differences because there

are only a handful of vital facts that you have to

be aware of when dealing with people from

other countries and cultures:

1.Countries that are collectively place under

the rubric of the West/Occident usually

espouse a dominant ideological tendency of

individualism. Individualist cultures

champion the importance of the unique

individual and promote fair competition,

innovation, creativity, etc.

2.Countries that have a more collectivist

culture emphasize the importance of

belongingness and nationhood. A person

coming from this culture isn‟t just a lone

individual with his own private identity.

He is a member of the nation and everything

that he does is a reflection of the nation that

he belongs to as a whole. A person from a

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collectivist culture does not enter a foreign

country as a Jane Doe or John Doe, he enters

as a member of a foreign collectivist culture.

There is always a reference to the „mother

land‟ or „father land‟.

3.Migrants from other countries will often

face the problem of sticking to old cultural

values or adopting the cultural values of the

host country. Usually people choose

biculturalism instead of subscribing to just

one mode of thinking.

A bicultural individual chooses to keep his

old cultural values intact while adapting to

new ways of thinking. Biculturalism helps

reduce friction between native peoples and

migrants and also helps migrants find their

place in their new society more quickly.