adding machine script

7/18/2019 Adding Machine Script

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ADDING MACHINE:a musical

Composed by Joshua SchmidtLibretto by Jason Loewith and Joshua Schmidt

based on the play The Adding Machine by Elmer Rice

Copyright © 2008 by Jason Loewith and Joshua Schmidt

For licensing inquiries contact Samuel French, Inc. at

samuelfrench.com or 212 206 8990



Setting: Here and the afterlife, in an American city in the 1920s

Dramatis Personae

ZeroMrs. ZeroDaisyShrdluBoss/Fixer/Charles (non-singing role)

CHORUS:Soprano (Mrs. One/Mae/Prisoner’s Wife)

Alto (Mrs. Two/Betty/Matron)Tenor (Mr. One/Prisoner)

Bass (Mr. Two/Prison Guard)

For formatting reasons, choral lines are not always complete in this script. Performersshould consult scores for accuracy.

2 NYC Production Draft 1-6-08



Prologue: In Numbers

The Ensemble sings. ZERO and MRS. ZERO enter to their places during the Prologue.

In numbersThe mysteries of life can be revealedIn numbers




Scene 1: Something To Be Proud OfMR. and MRS. ZERO are in bed. [Brackets indicate text in this scene is spoken rather than sung.]

MRS. ZERO

Mrs. TwelveMrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me,“Mrs. Zero!”Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me,Only yesterday.“Mrs. Zero!”Says she.[She says] “What I like is them love stories.Them sweet little love stories.”Mrs. Twelve was sayin' to me,Only yesterday.

“You’re right, Mrs. Twelve.”

Says I.“That’s what I like too.[I says]What I like is them love stories.Them sweet little love stories.They’re sweet and wholesome.”

Mrs. EightMrs. Eight was sayin’ to me,“Mrs. Zero!”Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me,Only yesterday.“Mrs. Zero!”Says she.

She says“ A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made -So sweet and wholesome!”Mrs. Eight was sayin' to me,“Don’t miss it!”

“An’ they got that big star,Grace Darling -So sweet and wholesome,Starrin’ in that picture show.”She says“ A Mother’s Tears is the best picture ever made -So sweet and wholesome!

Grace Darling!Don’t miss it!”

“Sure thing, Mrs. Eight,”Says me.The Eights seen it downtown.They go downtown all the time.Just like us -Nit!




CHORUS

Mr. Zero, Zero (etc.)

MRS. ZEROMrs. NineMrs. Nine was sayin’ to me,“Mrs. Zero!”Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me,Only yesterday.“Mrs. Zero!”Says she.“Grace Darling ain’t livin’ with her husband -

Ain’t livin’ with her husband!”Mrs. Nine was sayin' to me.Maybe it ain’t true.

“Some millionaire is crazy for her!”You can’t believe all you read.She looks so sweet and wholesome

So sweet and wholesome.So sweet and…

CHORUSThe Eights go downtownThey go downtown all the time

They seen it downtownThey go downtown all the timeJust like us… (etc.)

MRS. ZERO

But you!You could wait -Till it comes uptown!

CHORUS[But you wouldn’t go downtown –

They go downtown all the time!not if wild horses was to drag you.

The Eights go downtownYou can wait till they come uptown!]

They go downtown all the time!

Not you!You ain’t got the price! All the time!

“Gotta start savin…” A FAT LOT you’ll ever save!

[You could dig up the price all right! The Eights go downtownYou always got the price for the ball game!] They go downtown all the time!

What about me?Where do I come in?I want to see ‘emWhen they see ‘em.




[But when it comes to me havin’ a good time, CHORUSthen it’s always “No! They seen it downtownI gotta start savin’” or “I ain’t got the price!”] They go downtown all the time!

What about me?Where do I come in?I wanna go downtownThey go downtown all the time!

[An’ don’t you go pullin’ that stuff about bein’ tired. They seen it downtownTired! Where do you get that tired stuff anyhow?] They go downtown all the time!

Scrubbin’ your floors,Cookin’ your meals,Washin’ your clothes!

What would you do,Would you do without me?

MRS. ZERO[Now don’t you go startin’ nuthin’ with other women – Scrubbin’ your floorsNot if you know what’s good for you! Cookin’ your mealsI put up with a lot around here! Washin’ your clothesBut I won’t put up with that!] What would you do

Would you do without her? (etc)

I was a fool! A fool for marrying you!I didn’t pick muchWhen I picked you.You ain’t much to be proud of!

I was a fool She dreams of leaving you A fool for marrying you! But she doesn’t have the nerveI didn’t pick much when I picked you! The nerveYou ain’t much to be proud of! She doesn’t have the nerve.

MRS. ZERO/CHORUSI was a fool!

A fool for marrying you

MRS. ZEROI didn’t pick much when I picked you!

CHORUSYou ain’t much to be proud of!She was a fool!

A fool for marrying you!She didn’t pick much when she picked you!You ain’t much to be proud of!

MRS. ZERO




Oh!I was a fool.

A fool for marrying you.I didn’t pick much when I picked you.You ain’t much to be proud of.

As the last note fades away, we start to hear the sounds of the office – pencils on paper, sighs, coughs…the low hum of a bookkeeping room at a large department store. The chorus and ZERO go to work.




/ 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft

Scene 2a: Harmony, Not Discord

The bookkeeping room of a large department store. Three women read lists of figures to threemen, who add them. Tensely quiet atmosphere of an office. See score for full and accurate

progression of the text. MAE speaks the slowest; DAISY speaks at twice MAE’s rate; BETTYspeaks twice DAISY’s rate.

DAISY

Eighty-seven centsNinety-seven centsTwenty-seven centsSixteen sixty

Eighteen forty-nineDollar fourteenSixty-seven centsFourteen sixty

Eighty-seven centsNinety-seven centsTwenty-seven centsFourteen sixty

Twenty-nine centsFifty-five centsFifteen centsFourteen sixty

Twenty-nine centsFifty-five cents

Fifteen centsFourteen sixty

(phrase repeats)

MAE

Fourfifty-nine

Eightfifty-six

Threesixty-nine

Foursixty-two

Eightseventy-five

Foursixty-five

One hundrednine…

Zero!

(phrase repeats)

BETTY

1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -1 & 3 & 4 & 7 -Eight-oh-one!

2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -2 & 6 & 7 & 3 -Twelve-oh-two!

1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &

Ugh!3 & 4 & -Not a single mistake!

(phrase repeats)

MR. TWO

Beer.

I need a beer

What’s the tim

Beer.

I need a beer

What’s the tim

(phrase repe

8



/ 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft

DAISY

Eighty-seven centsninety-seven centsTwenty-seven cents

Sixteen sixty

Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteenSixty-seven centsFifty-two cents

Eighty-four centsFifteen centsForty-two centsFourteen fifteen

Eighty-seven cents

ninety-seven centsTwenty-seven centsFourteen sixty

Fourteen forty-nine A dollar fifteenTwenty-seven centsFourteen sixty

Sixteen centsTwenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!

Twenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!

ZERO

(ZERO, who hasbeen silent thiswhole time, hearsvoices in his mindand joins in.)


MAE

Threesixty-nine

Four

sixty-two

Eightseventy-five

One hundrednine

Zero!

Threesixty-nine

Foursixty-two

Eight

seventy-fiveFour

sixty-fiveOne hundred

nine

Zero! Twenty-five!



MR. ONE

Girls all day…I think ofGirls all day…

Blonds,Brunettes…With all their skin soSmooth and soft and

their

Legs and their rubyred

Lips and their hips!Gee I’d like to

Kiss those lips, feelthose hips!

Boy I like them

Blonds or brunettes-I don’t care which! I

just wanna feelThose hipsKiss those ruby red

Lips!

Gils! I just wannaFeel!Lips legs hips –Lips legs hips –Hot – WOW!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!

BETTY

1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &

1 & 3 & 4 &Eight-oh-one

Ugh! 3 & 4 &Not a single m

1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &Eight-oh-one

1 & 3 & 4 &

1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &1 & 3 & 4 &Eight-twenty-

Twenty-five!Twenty-five!Twenty-five!



9



The workers have reached a maximum of efficiency. ZERO, frustrated, stops it abruptly.

ZEROSpeed it up a little, cancha?

DAISYWhat’s the rush?Tomorrow’s another day.

ZERO Aw, you make me sick.

DAISY An’ you make me sicker.

ZEROGo on. Go on. We’re losin’ time.

DAISY

Then quit bein’ so bossy.

Three dollars.Two sixty-nine.Eighty-one fifty.Forty dollars.

Who do you think you are anyhow?

ZERONever mind that.You tend to your work.

DAISY Aw, don’t be given so many orders.

Sixty cents.Twenty-four cents.Seventy-five cents.

A dollar fifty.

I don’t have to take it from you and what’s more I won’t!

ZERO Aw, quit talking!

DAISYI’ll talk all I want!

Three dollars.Fifty cents.Two fifty.Three fifty.

(DAISY continues repeating these numbers under ZERO)

10 / 7/14/2008 NYC Production Draft



ZEROYou make me sick.

Always shootin-off.Talk talk talk.Just like other women.Women make me sick.

I called the cops on that girl in the window.Judge gave her six months.Wonder if she’ll come after me when she gets out?

ZERO DAISY Awwww, you’re all alike. Just who do you think you are anyhow? Always shootin off. Bossin’ me around.Talk talk talk. I don’t have to take itWomen make me sick. And I won’t go and take it anymore!




Scene 2b: You Thought Wrong

CHORUSTwenty five!Twenty five!

Twenty five! (etc.)

ZERO DAISYWomen make me sick.

I’m tellin’ you I’m sick.“Girl in the Window Slays Betrayer”

Always pickin’ on me.“Jealous Wife Slays Rival”

Never a kind word to me.I better be careful.

Not even the time o’ day.

You didn’t used to be like that!

You useta look my way -

What happened?Was it all the pretty girls?The pretty younger girls you see?

Your face is gettin’ yeller.

Aw, Mister Z what happened?

Put some paint on it, yech!

I wish I was dead.What happened?

Is that what you want?Yeah, you might as well be dead!

DAISYWait.

CHORUS cuts out. Suddenly, spoken to each other.

Whadja say?

ZEROI didn’t say nothin’.

DAISYI thought you did.

ZEROYou thought wrong.




Scene 2c: Reverie

ZERO DAISY A dollar sixty.

A dollar fiftyTwo ninety.One sixty-two.

Orchestra begins office underscore.

“Girl takes mercury”What if you was dead?

“Woman in ten-story death leap”

I wonder if I could kill the wife?I wonder if I could get a gun?

In bed some night. And end it fast.

But gee, I guess I wouldn’t have But gee, I guess I wouldn’t haveThe nerve! The nerve!

You useta like me. And then you’d notice.

You really liked me.You’d feel so sorry.

Maybe the wife’ll die soon. Maybe the wife’ll die soon.

You useta tell meLotsa thingsYou said “I’m gonnaShow them all!”

Then I could do what I damn pleaseOh, boy!

I wish she would die!Maybe I’d marry YOU! Maybe I’d marry YOU!

CHORUSWomen!

Are the root of all deception in the world.But don’t believe a life without your wifeWill ever make you happy;Stick to numbers!

Twenty-five! (etc.)




ZERO DAISY

Remember the picnic?That time, the store picnic?The year that your wife couldn’t come?

You touched my hand –You brushed my knee –

Remember that time?When the wife didn’t go?We sat all dayUnder them trees –

What does it feel like?To really be kissed?

Comin’ home we sat togetherIn the truck -

The long ones in the movies –The ones right on the mouth –He puts his arms around her –

Her head falls back,Her eyes close,Mouth wet –Head spins –It’s a daze –

(It is as if ZERO and DAISY can almost hear each other at this moment)

ZERODaisy!

CHORUS cuts out.

DAISYHuh?

ZERO (pause, realizing he’s been appropriate in calling her by her first name))Miss Devore, slow up! What do you think I am, a machine?

DAISYWhat do you want, anyhow? First it’s too slow an’ then it’s too fast. I guess you don’t know whatyou want.

ZERONever mind about that. Just you slow up.

DAISYI’m getting’ sick o’ this. I’m goin’ to ask to be transferred.

ZEROToday’s my twenty-fifth anniversary at this company, and they’re promotin’ me to the front office –

DAISYSays you!




ZERO

Says me! So you do what you want!

DAISY Aw, keep quiet.




Scene 2d: Movin’ Up

ZERO CHORUS

The boss, he’s gotta remember‘Bout it bein’ twenty-five years.Twenty-five years I been here,

And I know just what I’ll say:

“I want to have a talk with you, Boss,”I’ll say, “you know the time has come”

“Sit down,” he’ll say, “sit down and have a smoke –“ In numbers“No,” I’ll say, “I don’t need a cigar.” The mysteries of life can be revealed“What’s that?” he’ll say, “Well boss,” I’ll say,

“Every time I feel like smokin’ Simplicity and truth are never far

I take a nickel and put it in the sock Twenty-five!Oh yes I put it in the sock!” Twenty-five! (etc.)

“Damn sensible!” he’ll say!

“Boss,” I’ll say, “I ain’t quite satisfied.”“What’s wrong?” he’ll say.“Well,” I’ll say, “I need a future here.

And addin’ figgers twenty-five more years ain’t it!”

“Zero, I’m glad you pulled me aside.I’ve had my eye on you.”

“Oh is that so?” I’ll say.

“You’re a valuable man, Zero. And from right now your time down there is done.You’re movin’ outYou’re movin’ upYou’re movin’ onTo the front office with me!”

(Steam whistle and CHORUS halts abruptly.)




Scene 2e: In Numbers

CHORUSIn numbers!

ZERO (sung)The mysteries of life can be revealed

CHORUSIn numbers

ZERO (sung) Simplicity and truth are never farIn words IFind myself behind, can’t make the gradeIn wordsI get confused, ugh! It’s like I lost my mind!

I dream in figgers in my headThey’re on my side, they don’t askQuestions of meDemand of meThe answers –

The rest of the scene is spoken.

DAISYGood night, Mr. Zero.

(ZERO is caught in his own world, and does not respond. Frustrated, DAISY exits as the BOSSappears.)

BOSSOh – er – Mister – er –

ZEROYes, sir. Do you want me, sir?

BOSSYes.

ZEROYes, sir. Of course, sir.

BOSS (offering a cigar) Cigar?

ZEROUh – I –

BOSSCorona Corona?




ZEROGee, I – uh –

(ZERO takes a cigar, doesn’t light it.)

BOSSMister – er – er –

ZEROZero.

BOSSYes, Mr. Zero. I wanted to have a little talk with you.

ZEROYes, sir, I been kinda expectin’ it.

BOSSOh, have you?

ZEROYes, sir.

BOSSHow long have you been with us, Mister – er – Mister –

ZEROZero.

BOSSYes, Mr. Zero.

ZERO

Twenty-five years today.

BOSSTwenty-five years! That’s a long time.

ZERONever missed a day.

BOSS And you’ve been doing the same work all the time?

ZEROYes, sir. Right at the same desk.

BOSSThen, in that case, a change probably won’t be unwelcome to you.

ZERONo, sir, it won’t. And that’s the truth.

BOSSWe’ve been planning a change in this department for some time.




ZEROI kinda thought you had your eye on me.

BOSSYou were right. The fact is, my efficiency team has recommended the installation of addingmachines.

ZERO Addin’ machines?

BOSSYes, you’ve probably seen them. A mechanical device that adds automatically.

ZEROSure. I’ve seen them. Keys – and a handle that you pull.

BOSSThat’s it. They do the work in half the time and a high-school girl can operate them. Now, ofcourse, I’m sorry to lose an old and faithful employee –




Scene 2f: In Numbers (reprise)

ZEROExcuse me, but would you mind sayin’ that again?

BOSS (as office underscore returns)I say, I’m sorry to lose an employee who’s been with me for so many years. But you see, in anorganization like this, efficiency is the first consideration, profit is the ultimate goal. We must workfor our investors or the engine of economics grinds to a swift halt. And we can’t have that, canwe?

You will of course draw your salary for the full month. We couldn’t do anything less for such avalued and loyal employee. And I’ll direct my secretary to give you an excellent letter ofrecommendation –

ZEROWait a minute, boss. (Underscore halts) Let me get this right. You mean… you’re letting me go?

BOSSI’m sorry. (Music resumes)

CHORUSIn words I find myselfBehind, below the gradeIn words I’ve lost myself

And to myself am blind.I dream in figures in my headI hide, confideThey don’t ask questions of me!

BOSS

There is just no other alternative, you see? The engine of our economy is a strong one, that’swhy we have unparalleled and unequaled strength in this great country, but you see, sacrificesmust be made… Sacrifices must be made to ensure our continued –

We regret –Changes are in order –

Always the hardest –Loyal employee –But see the opportunity –Opportunity –Efficiency –Opportunity –Business –

Economy –Opportunity -Business –Deeply regret –Time to move on –Business… Business… BUSINESS…

(ZERO eyes the spindle on his desk – the spindle on which DAISY has been impaling slips ofpaper throughout the scene. Blackout, and quick segue to DAISY’s song.)




Scene 3a: I’d Rather Watch YouPerhaps on her way home, perhaps in her own mind, DAISY sings her fantasy to us.

DAISYI don’t give a darn for the moviesThey bore me to tears can’t you see?

And pictures that showRobin Hood with his bow?“No thank you, sir, not for me.”

The truth is I’ve got a… confession.So go on, mister, court is in session!Valentino’s a choreDouglas Fairbanks – a bore!Only one thing to me makes a lasting impression

Yes –Darling, I’d rather watch you.There’s nothing that I’d rather do.You’re so loveable-Sweet and huggable –

A Dream! Could it ever come true?

Darling, I’d much rather beSafe in your arms, a real-life fan-ta-syFlickering lightsRomance in the night

A picture of love, you and me.

Let the lights grow dark

If you want them toI’ll be trapped in your glow!I’ll be a slave to you and your love-light!


A picture of love you and me.

(RADIO VOICEOVER begins, alongside the refrain)

Let the lights grow dark

’Cause I want them toI’ll be trapped in your glow!I’ll be a slave to you and your love-light!


A picture of love, you and me!




Scene 3b: Nice A’ You To ComeHome

Meanwhile, MRS. ZERO is waiting at home, listening to the radio, which is playing the finalstrains of ‘I’d Rather Watch You’. ZERO is late again, and she’s furious. He’s missed his dinner,and the guests are due any minute. Her lines in italics are sung; the rest are spoken.

MRS. ZERO Well, ain’t it nice a’ you to come home? You’re only an hour late and, no, that ain’t very much,‘cause the supper don’t get too cold in an hour, right? No, course not.

And o’ course the part about our havin’ a lot o’ company tonight don’t matter much to you, doesit? No, didn’t think so.

The Ones are comin’.

And the Twos are comin’.

Didn’t I tell you to be home on time? I’ll tell the world, it’s like talkin’ to a stone wall.

I guess it was nice of you ta come home at all.

You musta had important business, like watchin’ the scoreboard maybe? Or maybe the bosskept you late tonight tellin’ you what a big noise you are? Tell you how the store couldn’t getalong without you. For twenty-five years that place is alive thanks to you and your damn pencil.

Tough life.Walk in.Hang up your hat and put on the feedbag.

It’s a wonder you got time ta come home at all.

I’ll bet he gave you a big raise, did he? Ha! Fat chance o’ you getting’ a raise.You’ll still be there addin’ figgers in the same job at the end of another twenty-five years… if youain’t forgot how to add by that time.

Next time don’t even bother to come home at all.

(Doorbell.)

Put on a clean collar - there’s red ink on your collar! You’d think after twenty-five years you’dlearn how to do it without gettin’ ink on your collar.




Scene 3c: The Party

She opens the door. The ONES and the TWOS have come over for after-dinner drinks. This isthe highlight of the month for MRS. ZERO. See score for notation of the party scene.

ALL(except ZERO)Hey!!!!

MRS. ZEROHow-de-do?

MR. ONEHow-de-do?

MRS. ZEROHow-de-do?

MRS. ONEHow-de-do?

ALL(except ZERO)Hey!!!!

MRS. ZEROMister Two!

MR. TWOHow-de-do!

MRS. TWOMissus Zero!

MRS. TWO/MRS. ZEROHow-de-do!

MRS. ZEROWell come on in don’t just stand there hangin’ about.Give your coats and your hats to the butlerI mean...to my husband

ALL (except ZERO)Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha (etc.)

(The men gather to one side. The women gather to another side. Both sides are instantlyengaged in conversation.)

ONESome rain we’re havin’.




TWOOh I never saw the like.

ONEWorst in fourteen yearsSo the paper says.

TWOWell I never saw the like.

ONECan’t always goBy what the paper says, though

TWO ONEYes, that's true. Sure it is.

TWOStill I never saw the like.

MRS. ONEWell I for one went shopping!

MRS. TWOI like them organdie dreseswith a little lace trimmin’ on the sleeves.

MRS. ONEYeh, but plain can be lovely, the plainer the better, no lace and plain buttons –

MRS. TWOWell I don’t think lace does a dress any harm –But lace makes it pretty, refined and quite pretty

MRS. ONEWell I say when it comes to lace it’s just a matter of taste.

MRS. TWOMister One, did I see you last Thursday?The Rosebud, the movie-house, last Thursday night?

ONE A pretty punk show, I’ll say.

TWOThey get worse all the time!

MRS. TWOBut who was the lady?Some charming sweet lady?

ONE TWODon’t you go makin’ trouble!That dame was my sister. Ha!That dame was my sister. Ha, Ha!




That dame was my-

MRS. ONE/MRS. TWOThat’s what they all say.That’s what they all say.

MRS. ZERONow, now - never mind.I’m sure Mrs. One knows what’s what –

MRS. ONEHe can do what he likes –

ONEHa!

MRS. ONEBut he better behave.

TWO

You’re in luck at that, One.Fat chance I got of getting’ away from the frau…

MRS. TWOUnh!

TWOEven with my sister!

MRS. ZEROYou oughta be glad that you got a good wifeWho loves you and keeps a good home!

MRS. ONE/MRS. TWOThat’s right, Missus Zero!That’s right, Missus Zero!

MRS. TWOHey’d you hear about the Sevens?

MRS. ONE Are they gettin' a divorce?

MRS. TWOThat would be the second time for him!

MRS. ONEOh they're two of a kind!

MRS. TWOOne's as bad as the other!

MRS. ONEWorse! They say that…

The women's speaking degenerates into jabber.




ONE (to ZERO)

Hey’d you hear the one they’re tellin’ ‘bout the travelin’ salesman?

TWO (to ZERO)Yeah, there was this guy in a sleeper -

ONEGoin' from Albany to San Fran...

TWO And in the next berth was an Old Maid -

ONEWith a wooden leg!

ONE/TWOWell long about midnight…

The men's speaking degenerates into jabber. It continues at a low volume underneath the

women.

MRS. TWOMy aunt has gallstones.

MRS. ONEMy husband’s got bunions.

And my niece-–

MRS. ZEROWho? Little Dotty?

MRS.ONE

- she’s got Saint Vitus’ dance.

MRS. TWOMy boy has fits.

MRS. ONEMy girl has lice.

MRS. TWOHis fever!

MRS. ONEHer rashes!

MRS. TWOHis measles!

MRS. ONEHer scratches!

MRS. ONEThe cough and -




MRS. TWOThe pox and -

MRS. ONEThe hoof and –

MRS. TWOThe mouth and -

They all degenerate into loud jabbering. Mrs. Zero goes from group to group, adding to theconversation, steering it and taking it over.

MRS. ZERODidja hear the cops finally came and took away that floozie across the way? She useta walkaround with hardly any clothes on! (They all jabber more softly)

My husband couldn’t stop lookin’ at her! (The women jabber loudly)

You better watch your husbands with women like that struttin’ around! (The men jabber loudly as

the women huddle secretively)

Six months in the slammer she got! (They all jabber quietly)

As if my husband could get a girl to look at him, as if! (Silence.)

Still, we been happily married for 25 years!Knock wood!

ALL (except ZERO) Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

ONES & TWOS

So many agitators!

ONES & TWOS & MRS. ZERO All the damn foreigners!

MRS. ONEThe kikes!

ONEThe dagos!

TWOThe polacks!

MRS. TWOThe sheenies!

MRS. ONEThe wops!

ONEThe chinks!




TWOThe niggers!

MRS. TWOThe queers!

(The litany repeats in groups, per score)

ALL (except ZERO, sungMy country ‘tis of thee!Sweet land of liberty!Of thee I sing!

(An unexpected doorbell.))

MRS. ZEROWho could that be this time o’ night?

ZEROIt’s for me.

It’s the police.

He fingers his bloody collar.

MRS. ZEROWhat are the police doin’ here?! Whadda they want with you? And didn’t I tell ya to take off thatcollar?

ZEROI gotta go with them. You’ll have to entertain our guests yourself.

MRS. ZEROWhat did you do?

(ZERO pauses in silence for a moment, then declares…)

ZEROI killed the boss this afternoon.




Scene 4: Zero’s Confession A courtroom. ZERO, isolated. The CHORUS is the judge, the jury, the gallery of onlookers.

ZERO

Sure, I killed him!I killed him!Don’t let ‘em tell you no lies!

I killed him! And I want you to get it right! All of you – All of you –

ZERO: All you lawyers CHORUS: LawyersWhat the hell are they talkin’ about? Lawyers

An’ don’t let them fill you full of thatBull ‘bout red ink-

That bull ‘bout red ink-It was blood! Not red inkIt was blood

Straight through the heart! He killed himI killed him! In cold blood

An’ I want you to get it right! All of you… every One!Two!Three!Four!

And five! One Two ThreeSix! Four Five SixSeven! Seven EightEight! Nine Ten

Nine! Eleven (etc.)Ten!Eleven!That makes Twelve! That makes

Twelve!Why all these figgersInside my head?I’ve figgered them outOften enough!

Six and Six makes Twelve And Five that’s Seventeen Zero! (etc.) Add Eight that’s Twenty-Five!

That’s Twenty-Five years!Eight hours a dayEach day except SundaysOne week’s vacation with pay,

And one week without if you want!Six and six makes twelve

And five that’s seventeen Add Eight that’s twenty-five!




ZERO: That’s Twenty Five years!God damn these figgers CHORUS: Eight hours a dayInside my head except SundaysI’ve figgered them out One weeks vacationOften enough! with pay and one week

without if you want!But who wants one week If you want!

With the wife yellin’Where to get off! One Two Three Four

And don’t forget New Years’Labor DayFourth of July One Two Three Four

Thanksgivin’and Christmas…

And if you’re a JewYou get Young Kipper

And another one too,Them dirty Jews!

They always get two!They always get two!For the other bird’s One!Two Three Four One Two Three Four

And Five Six Seven Eight Five Six Seven Eight And Nine Ten Eleven Nine Ten Eleven (etc.)That makes Twelve! That makes Twelve!That makes Twelve!

Answer yesI killed him!I killed him! Or no!Straight through the heart with a billfile! Do you know the law?If he’d only shut up!Talkin’ and talkin’ Do you know what’s‘bout “Ohhh how sorry he was!” right and wrong?

Do you know the law?If he’d only shut up!Shut up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! Do you know the law?

He didn’t thinkThings through

I shoulda told him he should Shut Up! And he never hadI shoulda said Shut Up! The nerve, the nerve

But there was that girl in the –Shut Up! I shoulda said, Shut Up! He didn’t think things through

But there was that girl in the window.Six months they gave herFor walkin’ around with no clothes!For all men to see her straight through her window!Nothin’ else on!

And I told the cops cause’The wife wouldn’t leave me alone!

Women! Women are the root ofThey get away with murder! all the evil in the world!




CHORUS: If only he would haveZERO: I’ve seen lots of birds that I’d like to grab the nerve, the nerve his

But I didn’t have the nerve life would be muchI didn’t… different!

Now those LawyersOh! are the root of all the

They get away with murder! evil in the world!If only he would have

I ain’t done one bad thing not all of my life the nerve, the nerve hislife would be much

‘Cause I didn’t have the nerve! different!Now it’s

But once in the subway! Over! All of a sudden, Over! A nigger stepped right on my foot!Lucky for him, I ain’t had no gun,Or a can of kerosene! Zero!

And I would have told that niggerJust where to get off!

But he didn’t have theBut there was nerve…One time last summer, One TwoI fired that pop bottle Three Strikes Yer Out!In a crowd at the Polo Grounds! One Two

Three Strikes Yer Out! And ev’ryone was yellin’- Kill the Umpire

Kill the UmpireKill the UmpireKill the Umpire

Kill the Empire! Kill the UmpireKill the Empire!Kill the…

He canned me! ElevenHe canned me!Twenty-Five years on the job!

Twenty fiveWhat would I tell my wife?

Three TwoI wonder if Miss DevoreKnew that I had the nerve to kil l him?

One!I killed him!But I’m a regular guySuppose you was me,What would you do?

I’m like anyone else.What would you do?

I’m like anyone else.What would you do?What would you do?I killed him!

(The sound of a jail door slamming ends the scene and prepares us for the next.)




Scene 5a: In The Jail/Ham ‘n’ EggsThe scene is a jail. THE FIXER, dressed as a guard, is absentmindedly reading a paper. ZEROsits and eats a plate of ham and eggs, quite happy. SHRDLU and another PRISONER are alsounder lock and key. The other PRISONER is being visited by his WIFE. A GUARD and a

MATRON enter.

GUARD (spoken)What’s with him? Don’t he know it’s his last meal?

MATRON (spoken) Yeah. Ham and eggs. Coulda asked for anything in the world and this guy wants ham and eggs!

MRS. ZERO appears, and GUARD stops her.

GUARD (spoken)I’m sorry ma’am, but he isn’t allowed any visitors. Suicide watch.

MRS. ZERO (spoken)Suicide watch?

GUARD (spoken)Last night. You never know.

MRS. ZERO (spoken) But I’m his -

GUARD (spoken) He’s eatin’ his last meal…

ZERO (spoken) Hey, is that the wife? Let her in… it’s my old gal comin’ to see me off. She ain’t gonna get a

second chance, ya know.

(Music resumes. The GUARD lets in MRS. ZERO, and exits.)

MRS. ZEROI only wanted to see you again.Once more.

ZEROOnce more.I never thought that I’d see you again.Once more.

MRS. ZEROOnce more.

MRS. ZERO (spoken)I brought ya somethin’. Guess.

ZERO (spoken) Er – er – gee, search me.




MRS. ZERO (spoken)Somethin’ you like.

(She gives him a covered plate. He uncovers it.)

ZEROHam and eggs!Ham and eggs!Oh boy my favorite!Ham and eggs!

MRS. ZERO (spoken) You know, they almost didn’t let me in. I thought I was gonna have ta—

ZEROHam and eggs!Just what I feel likeHam and eggs!

(He eats them ravenously.)

MRS. ZERO (spoken) Are they good?

ZERO (spoken)They’re swell!

MRS. ZEROZero!Zero!I cried while I made ‘em.

ZERO (spoken)

Huh?

MRS. ZEROCookin’ and cryin’ –I just couldn’t help it, the thought made me cry.

ZEROMaybe next year you’ll beCookin and smilin’,Cookin’ and smilin’ for some other guy.

You’ll be alright.

MRS. ZERO (spoken) Yeah.

(sung)

Mrs. Seven.Mrs. Seven was sayin’ to me,“Mrs. Zero,” says she.“Wearing black is so slimming, darling.”Says she!




“And I’ll find you a veil to wear with that pretty black dress.”So sweet and wholesome…So sweet and wholesome…So sweet and…”

(She breaks off in tears.)

So lonely!




Scene 5b: Didn’t We?

ZERO (spoken)Hey now, hey now. It’s not like we ever did much talkin’, did we?

MRS. ZERO (spoken) I guess maybe I used t’bawl you out quite a lot, didn’t I?

ZERO (spoken) Oh well – no use talkin’ about it now. (Pause… this is as close to an admission as ZERO willever get, at least in this life.) I guess I gave you cause all right.

MRS. ZERO (spoken) Well I got my faults too.

ZERO (spoken)None of us are perfect.

MRS. ZERO (sung) We had our good times though,Didn’t we?We had our highs long with the lows,Didn’t we? Didn’t we?

Those days at the beach – And that trip to the fair! And our nights at the movies…

ZEROWe had some good times thoughDidn’t we?Which times they was, it’s tough to know,

Didn’t we?

Didn’t we?That time that I clocked you –

And it wasn’t on purpose! And you wouldn’t talk to me, not for a week!

MRS. ZEROOr two!

ZEROOr three!

TOGETHERDidn’t we?

ZEROThose things we shoulda did…




MRS. ZEROCouldn’t we?

ZEROWell, let’s have that ice cream, kid –

MRS. ZEROShouldn’t we?

TOGETHERShouldn’t we?The carousel is waiting –

MRS. ZERO A picnic on Sunday –

ZERO A ride to the country -

MRS. ZERO

That night at the opera!

ZERO (confused)Wasn’t me -

MRS. ZEROWhen I had pneumoniaYou brought me them roses!

ZEROThey cost me a fortune!

TOGETHER

But wasn’t they sweet?

MRS. ZEROWe had our good times though… Didn’t we?

ZERO (spoken) Hey.

MRS. ZERO (spoken)What?

ZEROI been meanin’ to… aw, hell… never mind!

Never mind!It’s all over now!Didn’t we?

MRS. ZERODidn’t we?

TOGETHERDidn’t we?




Scene 5c: Miss Devore/I Was A Fool ZERO (spoken until “Well, I kinda…”)

You’ll remember it all… you got that scrapbook of me, dontcha?

MRS. ZEROSure do. It starts with our wedding, and then tomorrow with the papers, after the – after the –

ZEROYeah.

MRS. ZEROThen I’ll finish it. Leave it on the parlor table, right where everyone can see it. I ordered thepapers already.

ZEROSay, I been meanin’ to ask ya. Suppose you get sick or run over or somethin’… what’s gonnahappen to that book?

MRS. ZEROWell… I kinda thought I’d leave it to little Beatrice Elizabeth.

ZEROYour sister’s kid? What’d she want with it?

MRS. ZEROWell who do you want to have it then?

ZERO (singing resumes)Well, I kinda thought I’d like Miss Devore to have it.

MRS. ZERO

Miss Devore?

ZEROYeah, from down the store.Miss Devore. MRS. ZEROMiss Devore, Miss Devore!Why shouldn’t she have it? I want her tohave it!

Why should she?Oh!

She’d take real good care - Wouldn’t you? Yeah wouldn’t you!What’s she to you, what gives you the right?

ZERO

It’s my book –

MRS. ZERONo it ain’t! Not no more!Not after tomorrow…

Mrs. Twelve,Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me,“Mrs. Zero!”Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ to me only yesterday –




“Just ditch him!”

ZERO (spoken) Aw, here we go!

MRS. ZEROWhat’s goin’ on?How am I fittin’ in?

ZERO (spoken) Aw, tie a can to that!

MRS. ZEROWhat’s between you,Between you and Miss Devore?

ZERO (spoken) I shoulda given it to her in the first place! That’s what I shoulda done!

MRS. ZERO

I was a fool A fool for marryin’ you… And after all I’ve done for you!I won’t stand for it!I won’t stand for it!Now we’re through!

MRS. ZERO exits.MR. ZERO (calling after her )

I’d a married her if I met her first!




Scene 5d: Shrdlu’s Gospel ZERO sits, sulks. SHRDLU, who has been silent and seemingly unaware all this time, turns to ZERO.He has an energy very different from everyone we’ve met up to now.

SHRDLU (spoken) Fighting with the loved ones. It happens so frequently. It makes me rather sad.

ZEROWho the hell are you? Whaddyou know about it?

SHRDLUMy apologies. I’m just a prisoner like yourself.

ZEROYeah, well, just leave it alone, will ya? (pause) Anyway, the wife and me, we ain’t never got alongreally.

SHRDLUIt’s so tragic. Life is tragic. “Hell from beneath is moved for thee to meet thee at thy coming.”

ZEROYou ain’t much of an optimist, are ya?

SHRDLUThat’s because I believe in God. (pause) Like you, this is my last night here on this earth. “The angelswill separate the evil from the righteous, and throw them into the furnace of fire.” And then… (sung)Freedom!

ZEROFreedom?

SHRDLU (sung) 2ND PRISONER (echoing; he’s heard it before) Freedom! Freedom!The flames! The flames!The tortures! The tortures!Down to the bottom for me.I broke the law. And now I’m condemned.

SHRDLU (spoken) Sorry - I didn't catch your name. (pause) I say I didn't catch your name.

ZEROI heard you the first time. (Hesitantly) I'm scared if I tell you who I am an’ what I done...

SHRDLUNo matter what your sins may be, they are as snow compared to mine.

ZEROYou got another guess comin', I think. My name's Zero. I'm a murderer.

SHRDLU Ah yes, you’re quite famous.




ZERO

So you still think you're worse than me, huh?

SHRDLUOh a thousand times worse, a million times worse.

ZEROWhat did you do?

SHRDLUI, too, am a murderer.

ZEROGo on, you're kiddin' me!

SHRDLUI am the foulest, the most sinful of murderers. You only murdered your employer, Mr. Zero. But I – Imurdered my mother. (he sobs)

ZEROThe hell you say!

SHRDLUYes, my mother! My beloved mother!“He who does not obey the Son shall see the wrath of God upon him” -

ZERODid she always treat you fair and square?

SHRDLUShe was a saint, I tell you, a saint! She cared for me and watched over me as only a mother can.From my infancy she devoted herself to putting me on the right path. She taught me to be thrifty,

devout, unselfish, to shun evil companions, and to shut my eyes and ears to all temptations of theflesh… In short, to become a virtuous, respectable, and god-fearing man -

(sung, bitterly) And what becomes of morality?

(spoken - composure regained)It was a hopeless task. Already at fourteen I began to show signs of my sinful nature.

ZEROYou didn’t kill anyone else, did you?

SHRDLU

No! But once I ran away from home.

ZEROYou did?

SHRDLUYes. A...companion... had lent me a profane book – the only profane book I will ever have read, I'mthankful to say. It was called “Treasure Island”. Have you ever read it?




ZERO

No, I never was much on readin’ books.

SHRDLUIt is a wicked, wicked book, a lurid tale of adventure. And reading it kindled in my sinful nature a desireto go to sea. Luckily, my mother's loving intuition warned her of my intention, and I was sent backhome before ever glimpsing the shore. And - my mother, she welcomed me with open arms. Not anangry word, not a look of reproach. A saint I tell you!

And for thirteen years, I held a steady job. Eight hours a day, Six days a week. But every Sunday we’dgo together to morning, afternoon, and evening service. We were so happy, my mother and I.

(sings) An honest and moral mode of life.

ZEROI’ll say.

SHRDLU(spoken) We are sinners, Mr. Zero - you and me. And as sinners we deserve punishment.

And punishment eventually will come, and when it comes, it will be horrible, and it will be just.

That fatal Sunday, Dr. Amaranth, our minister, was having dinner with us – one of the few pure spiritsleft on this earth.

(sung)2ND PRISONER (joining in)

We said grace, Had our soup!

ZERO (to quiet 2nd

Prisoner ) Hey!

SHRDLU (continuing)

And everything was going along as usual.Discussing the sermon,Just like every other Sunday I remember.Then came the leg of lamb –

(he breaks off, about to lose control, regains it, and starts again)

I see the whole scene so clearly:Dr. Amaranth on my right,My mother on my left,

And before me, the leg of lamb.

ZERO

What happened?

SHRDLU (spoken - excitedly and nervous, with musical underscore)Well, I started to carve the lamb – it’s very difficult on account of the bone. And when there’s gravy inthe dish there’s danger of spilling it. So Mother always used to hold the dish for me. She leanedforward, just as she always did, and I could see the gold locket around her neck. It held my picture init and one of my baby curls. Well, I raised my knife to carve the leg of lamb and… instead…

(musical underscore stops suddenly)




I cut my mother’s throat! (he sobs)

ZEROYou must a’ been outta your mind!

SHRDLU (vehement) No! Don’t you try to justify me! I wasn’t insane! Dr. Amaranth saw the truth – it was my sinful nature,and he told me what was in store for me!

ZEROHey, by tomorrow night it’ll… it’ll all be over.

SHRDLUOver!

ZEROYeah!

SHRDLUDo you think this is the end? Don’t you know what awaits us?

(SHRDLU sings. The vision is a perverse ecstasy for him)

SHRDLUI now see things so clearly

MATRONHe knows what awaits him!

CHORUSThe flames! The flames!The tortures! The tortures!

An Eternity of suffering! The sufferingJust punishment for my unspeakable crime –

Unspeakable crime – Unspeakable crime!

ZEROWhat about God’s mercy?

SHRDLUZero! CHORUSWhen we stand in front of St. Peter Stand in front of St. PeterThe angels will cower The angels will cowerOur sentence - Eternal damnation –

CHORUSYou will writhe in the

Fires of hell forEternity

SHRDLU (not listening) CHORUSIt will be terrible – simply terrible! Terrible!otherwise –

SHRDLU + CHORUSWhat becomes of justice?What becomes of morality?




What becomes of right and wrong?(God is) He's righteous! Simply righteous!

God’s grace can’t love a sinner… a sinner like you… a sinner like me –

(As the gospel concludes, the FIXER has gotten up. It’s time to take ZERO away. He motions to theGUARD.)

FIXERZero. (The FIXER and GUARD advance on ZERO in his cell.) Zero, it’s time to go.

ZERO (the reality is dawning on him)No. No. It ain’t right. It ain’t fair. I ain’t gettin' a square deal here.

FIXERThey all say that. Tell me, Zero, why aren't you getting a square deal?

ZEROWell, that addin’ machine. Was that a square deal after twenty-five years?

FIXERCertainly, from any point of view, except a sentimental one. The machine is quicker. It never makes amistake. It’s always on time. It presents no problems of housing, traffic congestion, water supply –

ZEROBut it costs somethin’, don’t it?

FIXERYou’re right there. In one respect you have the advantage over the machine – the cost of manufacture.But we’ve learned over many years that the original cost is inconsequential compared to upkeep. Itcosts a lot to keep up all that delicate mechanism of eye and ear and hand and brain which you’venever put to any use. So you’ve got to go.




Scene 5e: Death March

The FIXER motions to the GUARD, who grabs ZERO.

ZERO (the terror of what’s to come is growing in him)

Hey! No, hey! Please! Please don’t take me! Gimme another chance!

FIXERWhat would you do, Zero?

Imagine what would happen if I could give you another chance… what would you do?

ZERO (he has no idea)I… I’d make up with the wife. Go out and look for a job I guess.

FIXER Adding figures?

ZEROWell I ain’t young enough to take up somethin’ new!

FIXER (brief consideration, followed by the snap of his fingers) Put the skids under him, and make it snappy!

The FIXER and GUARD begin wrestlingthe struggling ZERO offstage.

ZERO (agitated, pathetically) No! No! Don't take me away! Don't kill me! Gimme a chance! Gimme another chance!I DON'T WANNA DIE! HELP! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I DON'T WANNA DIE! I WANT TO LIVE! I WANTTO LIVE! I WANT TO LIVE!

(As ZERO is dragged offstage, we may – or may not – hear the sound of an execution.)




Scene 6a: A Pleasant PlaceTransition

A requiem is heard. Perhaps Zero’s funeral. We arrive in the Elysian Fields, a “pleasant place”. It is aworld magically transformed in color and texture; utterly beautiful in an otherworldly way. If Scenes 1through 5 have been in the world of Kathe Kollwitz, think Maxwell Parrish. ZERO is discovered, or iswandering, or wanders onstage. SHRDLU will later tell us that “the music never stops here.”

CHORUSZero!Zero!Zero!

ZEROHello?

CHORUSZero!

ZEROWhere…where am I?

CHORUSZero!The burden of lifeLies behind you…

ZEROIs anybody there?

CHORUSZero!The burden of lifeLies behind you…Behind you!

ZERO CHORUSI was wond’rin – ZeroWond’rin what it’d be likeHere… Zero

Now that I’m here I’m still wond’rin -




To help me to understand

ZERO (pause, spoken)You mean – she ain’t here?

SHRDLUNo!

CHORUS ZEROIt’s terrible – simply terrible! Terrible! Terrible!Things turned out so differently Terrible! Terrible!What becomes of justice? What becomes and what becomes and It’s terrible!What becomes of morality? What becomes and what becomes and Terrible!What becomes of right and wrong? What becomes and what becomes -It’s maddening –Simply maddening! Maddening!Nothing is turning out as I expected! Hmm-




Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy in theDistance

A voice can just be heard in the distance.

SHRDLU (spoken) Listen!

DAISY (in the distance, singing)Mr. Zero!

SHRDLU (spoken)Do you hear music?

DAISY (singing)Mr. Zero!

ZERO (pause, then spoken)No, I don’t hear nuthin’.

SHRDLU (spoken)They say the music never stops here. Listen!

DAISY (singing, still in the distance) Mr. Zero!Mr. Zero!

CHORUS

Zero!

ZERO (spoken)Who the heck is that now? The wife? That’d be swell, wouldn’t it? An’ I figured on her bein’ good foranother 25 years.

CHORUSThe burden of life lies behind you…

ZERO (spoken) Ah, well. Ain’t that always the way? Just when you’re starting to take life easy and havin’ a goodtime…

CHORUSBehind you…

(And SHRDLU is gone, searching for his mother one last time, as DAISY arrives.)




Scene 6b/part 2: Daisy AppearsDAISY appears. She is dressed in a very special outfit – the outfit she imagined she’d be wearingwhen she met ZERO in the afterlife.

DAISY (appearing)Oh I never thought I’d catch up to you!I’ve been runnin’ behind you for days.Callin’ and callin’Callin’ your name – did ya hear me?

ZERO (spoken)No, I didn’t hear nuthin’. Miss Devore – what are you doin’ here?

DAISY (spoken)You don’t mind if I sit and take a rest, do you? I can hardly catch my breath. I’ll tell the world my dogsare barkin’! (pause) This sure is a nice place.

ZERO (spoken) Miss Devore – what happened to ya? I mean, how’d you conk out?

DAISYWell –

After you’d passed A couple of days gone byI blew out the gas in my kitchen!

ZERO (spoken)How could you be so stupid?

DAISY (spoken) It was accidental –

Accidental! (sung)

ZERO (spoken) I’ll bet you’re sorry you did it now, ain’tcha?

DAISY (spoken) No, I ain’t sorry – not one bit! (pause) Mr. Zero, I been thinkin’…?

ZERO (spoken)What?

DAISY (spoken)I been thinkin’ – it would be kinda nice… if we could talk things over…

ZERO (spoken) What is it you wanna talk about?

DAISY (spoken) It sure is a nice place, ain’t it?

ZERO (spoken)Sure is!




DAISY (spoken)

Look at the flowers! Ain’t they just perfect! Why, you’d think they was artificial, wouldn’t you?

ZERO (spoken)Yeh, you would!

DAISY (spoken) I’m crazy about the country, ain’t you?

ZERO (spoken)Yeh, it’s nice for a change.

DAISY (spoken) Them store picnics, remember?

ZERO (spoken) You bet! They sure was fun.

DAISY (spoken)

One time – I guess you don’t remember – the two of us – me and you – we sat down on the grasstogether under a tree – just like we’re doin’ now.

ZERO (spoken)Sure I remember!

DAISY (spoken) Go on! I bet you don’t!

ZERO (spoken)I’ll bet I do! That’s the year the wife wouldn’t go.

DAISY (spoken)

That’s right! I didn’t think you’d remember.

ZERO (spoken) And comin’ home, we sat together in the truck.

DAISY (spoken)Mr. Zero – there’s something I’ve always wanted to ask you…

ZERO (spoken)Well, what’s been stoppin’ you?

DAISY (spoken)Well, I don’t know… but I’m gonna ask you now!

ZERO (spoken)Go ahead. Shoot.




Scene 6c: Daisy’s ConfessionDAISY

Well –

What I wantedWanted to ask you…

ZERO (spoken)What?

DAISYWell-While we was ridin’Ridin' back home -

You put your armUp on the bench behind me

An’ I could feel your knee kinda pressin’ 'gainst mine

ZEROYeh – well, I remember…What about it?

DAISY

Well-What I wanted -Wanted to ask you -

Was it just kinda accidental?

ZEROYeh – well, accidental…

Accidental on purpose!

DAISY (spoken)Do you mean it?

ZERO (spoken)Sure I mean it… You mean you didn’t know?

DAISYI thought if you meant itYou’d move up closer

But then you took your arm away.I know it would ‘a’ been wrong.But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all.Cause’ I was wishin’ that you’d put your arm around meJust sittin’ there wishin’ all the way home.

All the way home.




ZERO DAISYI felt like kissin’ you Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else but you…But I didn’t have the nerve, the nerve- Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else bout you…I thought of kissin’ you - Wishin’ ‘bout nobody else bout you…

DAISY An’ I would’a let you All you wanted An’ I ain’t had the nerve to tell you before.I know it woulda been wrong.But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all.

ZEROBut I didn’t think you cared nuthin’ about me….

DAISYI never cared nuthin’ ‘bout nobody elseBut you.

ZERO

Oh Daisy!If I only knew…(spoken)

An’ me always bawlin’ you out

DAISY (spoken) Them was the times I… I’d think I didn’t wanna go on livin’…

ZERODaisy –(Sung)There’s something I,I gotta ask you.

DAISY (spoken) What?

ZEROWell-When you told me -Told me you blew out the gas

Was it just kinda accidental?

DAISY (sung) Accidental on purpose!

ZERO (spoken)Daisy, how could you!What were you thinkin’?Didn’t you know killin’ yourself was wrong?

(pause)




DAISY (sung) _ ZERO (sung)

I didn’t have nuthin’To live for with you goneWhy would I want to go on livin’ for? Daisy, how could you?

I know what I did was wrong. What were you thinkin’?But I wasn’t thinkin’ ‘bout right an’ wrong at all. How could I have known?

DAISY: Cause’ I was thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nuthin’about me…

DAISY Thinkin’ of you ZERO: I didn’t think you cared nuthin’at all…

DAISY An’ I made up my mindIf I ever saw you againI’d ask you…

ZEROWhat?

DAISYKiss me!

(ZERO kisses DAISY on the cheek)

DAISYNo! Not like that –For real.(sung)Kiss me for real.

I ain’t never been kissed for real before!

(Zero kisses Daisy on the lips. A long embrace ensues. The lush, 1001 strings version of “I’d RatherWatch You” begins to play. Perhaps an orchestra is revealed, or the return of a grand version of theradio… but somehow, DAISY’s fantasy has become real.)




Scene 6d: Feel Like Dancin’DAISY (spoken)

Listen! Do you hear music?

ZERO (spoken) No, I don’t hear nuthin’.

DAISY (spoken) Wait –Listen and you’ll hear music…

ZERO (spoken)Music? I hear nothing.I hear… music!

(DAISY and ZERO begin to dance.)

CHORUSDarling, I’d rather watch you.There’s nothing that I’d rather do.You’re so loveable –Sweet and huggable –

A dream, could it ever come true?

Darling, I’d much rather be.Safe in your arms, a real life fantasy.Flickering lights,Romance in the night,

A picture of love, you and me!




Scene 6e: The FlinchDAISY and ZERO are trying to dance and kiss at the same time; they’re not so good at it, flounderinga bit, getting hot and bothered – it’s the real-life middle-aged version of DAISY’s romantic fantasy.

ZERO breaks it off as the music continues beneath.

ZERO (spoken)Wait a minute! I’m all winded.

(Before he can turn away, she throws her arms about him and presses her lips to his.)

I ain’t used to dancin’ that way.

(He sits down. She sits next to him, very close, stroking his hair, etc… this IS heaven for her.)

DAISY (spoken)Imagine if we could stay here all the time – you an’ me together – wouldn’t it be swell?

ZERO (spoken) Yeh, but there ain’t a chance. This place is only for the good ones.

DAISY (spoken) Well, we ain’t so bad, are we?

ZERO (spoken) Go on! Me a murderer an’ you comittin’ suicide? Anyway, they wouldn’t stand for this – the way webeen goin’ on.

DAISY (spoken) I don’t see why.

SHRDLU (offstage, sung) Freedom!

ZERO (spoken)Who said that?

(SHRDLU enters. He has been completely, utterly transformed into a hedonist. Something happenedin the wilds of the Elysian Fields, and he is hungry to experience the life that’s been denied to him.The suit he was wearing earlier is now rumpled, askew, torn off.)

SHRDLU (singing)Freedom!That merciless burden of life

Lies behind me!




ZERO (spoken)Where’d you come from?

SHRDLU CHORUS (offstage)Suddenly I’ve found freedom! Freedom right here!Freedom right here!Where only the most favored remain.

ZERO (spoken, embarrassed and awkward)) We wasn’t doin’ nuthin’… just sittin’ here… talkin’… ‘bout the store, business, you know.

DAISY (sung, trying to recapture the mood) And how we was wishin’,How we was hopin’ toStay here forever…

SHRDLU (spoken) You may if you like.

ZERO/DAISY (spoken) What?

SHRDLU (spoken) They don’t care!

(singing)

Even the basest of sinners

ZERO (spoken)You mean like whores?

SHRDLU (sung)Just walks free amongst them

ZERO (spoken)…and suicides?

SHRDLU (sung) All leading such profitless lives!




ZERO (spoken)

And…murderers?

SHRDLU CHORUS

We’re free! Laughing!Free to live any way Singing!They don’t care what we believe! Drinking!

Dancing!(spoken) A sail on the wind! Freedom!

DAISY (singing)

We’re free!There just ain’t no other place where I’d rather be!

SHRDLU (spoken) Look at them all!

DAISY/SHRDLU/CHORUS (singing)Freedom!

ZERO (spoken; he’s got a rotten feeling about this)What kinda dump is this anyway?

DAISYO what a wonderful feeling!

SHRLDUNo talk of sin or redemption,No right and no wrong!

SHRDLU/DAISYFreedom!

ZERO (spoken)Daisy! I don’t know about this place.

DAISY (spoken, getting anxious) But he says they don’t care! As long as we got each other –

CHORUS (underscore, repeat, through to ZERO’s “Stop!”) Don’t you go startin’ nothin’ with women.

ZERO (spoken, hearing voices in his head) Daisy, you know this ain’t right.. Ain’t I got a wife?

DAISY (spoken)Not any more you ain’t. “Til death do us part,” don’tcha remember?

ZERO (spoken) Yeh, but we don’t wanna be mixin’ with people that ain’t respectable!

(ZERO’s fear of the unknown, the unexplored, the undiscovered begins to overwhelm him.)




CHORUSSHRDLU DAISY

Don’t you go startDancing! I’m onlyNuthin’Drinking! Thinkin’ of you…With womenKissing! Thinkin’ of you…

Grunting!25…Bursting! Freedom!25…Busting! Freedom!25…Swelling!

Surging – Etc.FREEDOM! Etc.

So what’s the use of justice,now that I found freedom!

MRS. ZERO (off)

And what’s the use ofmorality, now that I’ve foundfreedom!

Mrs. Twelve…Mrs. Twelve was sayin’ tome,

And what’s the use of rightand wrong?

Mrs. Zero…!

ZERO (screaming)

STOP!

This place, it ain’t right! I ain’t gonna stay here with a lot of lowlifes and bums… and sinners!

DAISY (spoken)We don’t have to bother with them!

ZERO (spoken)I’m gonna beat it!

Pause. He is gone. She is utterly deflated.

DAISY (spoken)I might as well be alive!




Scene 7a: In Numbers (reprise)

The stage plunges in to darkness. We hear the sound of an amplified/processed adding machine.

CHORUSIn numbersThe mysteries of life can be revealedIn numbers

Simplicity and truth are never farIn numbers!

This sound crossfades into the sound of real adding machine onstage operated by ZERO. He is in asmall room with a chair and desk, punching away, pulling the lever, happy as can be, and the addingmachine paper billows out and surrounds him, climbing the walls of this very small room. He sings.

ZERO

Now this…(sung) this isFreedom!Freedom!

I don’t hear them voices!Them voices all runnin’ around inside my head!I’m free!

No birds and no bosses here tellin’ me I oughta be –Hang ‘em all!I’m free!

I’m sittin’ here pretty. Ain’t no one here yakkin’ or yellin’ at me!

Freedom!

And look!I ain’t missed one day! Not one hour! Not one minute andLook at all what I done!

Freedom!Freedom!

Lights rise on CHARLES.

CHARLESZero. Zero.

ZEROGimme a minute.

CHARLESZero. It’s time.

ZERO (stops) I… hey…! I think I – [know you]




CHARLES

Yes. You know me. You should by now.

ZERO (pause, then indicating the machine)Hey, have you seen this …? I gotta… hey, gimme a number! Gimme a bunch o’ numbers!

CHARLESI beg your pardon?

ZEROName a number!

CHARLESZero?

ZEROCome on! Real numbers!

CHARLES

13.

ZERO (he types “13” into the machine)OK, gimme another.

CHARLES7.

ZERO (typing, etc.) And…?

CHARLES3. 5. 7. 9. 11. 13. More - ?

ZERO68! Didja see that? Look at that! All those years usin’ my head when I shoulda been usin’ my fingers!

CHARLESHow amusing. Zero.

ZEROYeah, I made a joke. (short pause) Let’s go again.

CHARLESZero, it’s time to go.

ZEROWhere?

CHARLESIt’s time for you to go back. (a blank stare from ZERO) You didn’t think you were going to stay hereforever, did you?




ZERO

I was hopin’ to. After all, I did my bit, didn’t I? Forty-five years of it. Twenty five years in the store.Then the boss canned me and I knocked him cold. I guess you ain’t heard about that –

CHARLESI know all about that. Do you really think they’d go to all the trouble of making a soul just to use itonce? Why man, they use a soul over and over again – over and over until it’s worn out.

ZERO (pause, he considers this)Nobody ever told me that. How was I to know?

CHARLESUse your brains! Where would we put them all? We’re crowded enough as it is. Why, this place isnothing but a kind of repair and service station – a cosmic laundry you might say. We get souls inhere by the bushel, clean them up – and you should see some of them: muck and slime, full ofholes… but we fix them up, disinfect them, and then they go back. That’s what we’ve been doing allthis time while you’ve been at that machine – wash, rinse, dry, scrub, wash, rinse, dry… your soul wasan awful mess!

ZEROI’ve been here before?

CHARLESThousands of times!

ZEROHow is it I don’t remember nuthin’ about it?

CHARLESWell – that’s partly because you’re stupid. But it’s mostly because that’s the way we fix it. Some do remember – there’s the type that gets a little better each time it goes back – we just give them a washand send them right through. But then there’s the ones like you… You wouldn’t believe how filthy and

rotten -

ZEROYou mean to say I’m gettin’ worse all the time? ‘Cause I can’t remember?

CHARLESYes. A little worse each time. I always hoped you might turn it around… just a few lives ago I thoughtyou were going to make something of yourself. When was that? 500 years ago I think? Maybe six - ?Stable boy. Earl’s daughter. Didn’t have the nerve.

ZEROWait. If it’s all been downhill, what was I when I started? A king or somethin’?

CHARLESYou were a monkey.

ZERO A monkey?

CHARLES A hairy, chattering, long-tailed monkey. But you weren’t so bad then. You did just what all the othermonkeys did. But even on that first go-round there was a bigger, smarter monkey you kowtowed to…the mark of the slave was on you from the very start.




ZERO

You ain’t very particular about what you call people, are you?

CHARLESIf there was ever a soul in the world labeled “slave,” it’s yours. All the bosses and kings that there everwere have left their mark on your backside. Ever hear of the pyramids?

ZEROThem big pointy things?

CHARLESThat’s right, 6000 years ago in Africa – you helped build them. It was a long step down from thosehappy days in the jungle, but it was a good job, other than the master’s whip… 2000 years ago youwere a Roman galley slave… again with the whip. A thousand years ago, you dug potatoes for thelord of the manor… again with the whip -

ZEROWell I’m done with allthat! I ain’t never had a square deal, and all them lives gotta add up to somethin’!So I’m not goin’ back! Gimme some more numbers, I’ll show ya!

CHARLESYou’ve already been in this room for 25 years, Zero, it’s time to –

ZERO (typing)25! OK, gimme another! (he is insistent, almost threatening in his fear)

CHARLES25.

ZEROTOO EASY. Another!

CHARLES25.

ZEROI COULD DO THIS IN MY HEAD!

CHARLES25. 25. 25. 25. (CHORUS begins sotto voce “25… 25…” which continues through the rest of thescene except during the recycling, and at the end of the play as indicated) 25. 25. 25. 25. 25. 25.25. 25. 25 -

ZEROSTOP!




Scene 7b: The Music of the Machine

CHARLES snaps his fingers and the room and adding machine vanish.

The recycling machine is revealed. It is an astonishing, mind-blowing sight, and terrifying to ZERO.

The CHORUS is discovered in a line, ready to go into the machine. CHARLES pulls his lever, and asandblasting sound is heard. A conveyor belt – the “conveyor belt of souls” – begins movingCHORUS members into the gaping maw of the machine. The CHORUS members are mindlesslyunaware of their fate as they sing.

CHORUSNumbers are theRoot of what liesSecret in the world.

And we must eachBelieve BelieveOur lives will all

Add up to something in theEnd.

The CHORUS member to be recycled is now at the entry to the machine, and enters. The sound ofgrinding as the soul is recycled (strain on the machine, as in a garbage disposal) after which the taskis complete, and a “ding” signals that the machine is ready to receive the next soul. The recycledCHORUS member then rejoins the CHORUS line. The CHORUS continues to chant “Twenty-five!”

ZEROWhat the heck is that?

CHARLESThe biggest machine of them all. Been around since Adam and Eve. Maybe before, but even I’m notthat old. And still in perfect operational condition. Step on.

He pulls the lever, and a soul is recycled.



Add up to something in the end.

ZERO (trying to get away) N-n-n-no. No. I’m not goin’ on that. I’m not goin’ back there!

CHARLESOh, sure you are. You’ll be a baby again – a bald, redfaced little animal at first… and then you’ll learna few things… mostly all the wrong things, and you’ll learn them all the wrong way. You’ll eat thewrong food and wear the wrong clothes, and you’ll live in anonymity, and the world just beyond yourreach will be the sunlight, and you won’t know you’re relegated to the darkness. And when you’ve




been properly conditioned – to believe that anything is possible, which couldn’t be farther from thetruth – you’ll take a job.

ZERO Another addin’ machine?

CHARLESIs that what you want? Then that’s what you’ll get, Zero, a super-hyper-adding machine, as far fromthat old piece of junk as you are from the stars in the pictures….. Such a wondrous machine that youwon’t even have to think anymore… Is that you want?

(This is the last of three tests given to ZERO. He has failed each time. Will he fail again?)

ZEROSo I won’t have to learn nuthin’ new?

(A long moment while CHARLES stares coldly and/or sadly at ZERO.)

CHARLESWhy can’t you surprise me? You’re just a slave to a contraption of steel and iron. You spineless idiot

– I pity you!

ZEROThen keep me here!

CHARLESNo! It’s time to go back! Back to mediocrity, a sunless groove where you’ll fall the ready prey of anyBoss who plays upon your ignorance, your credulity, your provincialism!

ZEROPlease - !

CHARLES

You chose the machine, Zero! Every time! So it chose you!

ZERONo - !

(Another soul appears, ready to be sandblasted. It is revealed to be DAISY. She is shuttled toward therecycling apparatus.)



Add up to something in the -

ZERODAISY!

(Zero breaks for Daisy on the conveyor belt. He reaches DAISY and grabs her. She may – or maynot – become aware of him. This choice depends on how optimistic you are.)




CHORUS SHRDLU / MRS. ZERO (offstage)Numbers are the Zero.Root of what liesSecret in the world. Zero.

And we must each Zero.Believe BelieveOur lives will all Zero.

Add up to something in the end!

ZERODAISY!

(He grabs her hand and the two enter – or are dragged – into the machine. Again, this depends onhow optimistic you are. The sound of two souls being recycled together as CHARLES watches. Wehear a “ding.” All music stops. CHARLES takes a paper out of his pocket. Looks. Checks somethingoff. Silence.).

CHARLES

I’ll tell the world this is a lousy job.

(He exits.)

END OF PLAY

adding machine script

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