Academic Mentoring: Communication SkillsTips for starting a conversation

Starting and maintaining a conversation is a skill, one not all of us feel comfortable with, especially when we are feeling nervous or shy. As an Academic Mentor , part of your job will be to help people feel comfortable and relaxed. The following are general tips:

Introduce yourself. For example, offer your name and ask for theirs if they don’t offer it. Perhaps say a little bit about yourself. Some people feel uncomfortable about introducing themselves straightaway; however, it helps to break the ice and makes the other person feel more comfortable.

Open conversation with a topic of common interest or a non-threatening question. Ask ‘informational’ questions that will provide scaffolding on which the conversation

may be built, and which may introduce a subject of interest to both. For example:

“Have you lived in other places?”

“Have you been travelling outside this country?”

“Where did you go during the holidays?”

Look at the person when speaking. Make sure you have eye contact, but don’t stare. Different cultures have different concepts about eye contact.

Avoid doing other things when having a conversation, eg. sending and receiving text messages while talking with others.

Show you are listening by following a comment with a further question or comment related to what they have just said, eg. “So you enjoyed travelling in Greece. What did you like about it?”

Avoid asking one question after another, without having any input yourself. Instead, try to develop a ‘sharing’ relationship.

Use questions and tone of voice that show you are genuinely interested in what the person is saying to you.

Avoid asking ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions, such as “Do you like this?” “Do you live nearby?”

Types of Questions

In effective listening, we use questions that encourage people to think for themselves, give them some space to reflect on what is important to them and help them to find some solutions from within.CLOSEDQuestion asks for a specific answer, usually answered with ‘yes’, ‘no’ or a single word. They tend to shut down the dialogue between a speaker and listener, because the questions can be narrow and limiting, especially if several are asked in succession.Examples:“Do you like Brighton?”

“Is your course interesting?”“Was your day fun?”“Is your housemate nice? Horrible?”

INFORMATIONALQuestion requests factual details or information. They are important in helping us get information about a person, but too many can make the speaker feel he/she is being cross-examined, rather than being listened to.Examples:“Where do you live?”“What year were you born?”“When did you move here?”“What is your favourite subject in school?”

OPENQuestion asks for general information. Encourages speaker to answer in the way he/she sees fit, with as much information as she/he is comfortable disclosing. These questions allow the speaker to explore in more depth what it is she/he wants to talk about.Examples:“What are you classes like?”“What did you do during your holiday?”“What do you think about the way Mr.Jones lectures?”“How do you think your parents will react to….?”

FEELING LEVELQuestion asks how the person feels about a situation. It allows the speaker to talk about their feelings. It is an important question to be able to ask in a support situation, but it is probably the one people find hardest to ask. By asking feeling level questions, the listener communicates a willingness to hear about the speaker’s emotions.Examples:“How did it feel when your parents wouldn’t let you go travelling?”“How does it feel when your friends make comments about the way you study?”“How are you feeling about the exams?”

CLARIFYINGQuestion clarifies what the speaker is saying, asking him/her to say something more about what they have just said.Examples:“In what way?”“How so?” “Can you tell me more about…?”

QUESTIONS TO AVOID:

WHYAlthough ‘why’ questions may appear open, they often imply judgement. They can put people on the defensive and make them feel they have to rationalise their response.Examples:“Why didn’t you talk to your Personal Tutor?”“Why do you feel that way?”

CHOICEQuestions that offer a choice can be limiting and may close down the conversation. Also, the choices we might give in a question might not be relevant to the person we are listening to.Examples:“Do you like tutorials? Or find them hard?”“Did you feel angry? Scared? Not sure?”

FILL-INThese questions come in after an open question, and limit what is being asked.Example:“What are you doing over the holidays? Are you going home? Seeing friends?”

LISTENING SKILLS

Listening effectively takes time, patience and skill. We can choose to be effective listeners, whereby we pay attention, understand and respond to what someone is saying, or we can listen on a more superficial level and not listen for the meaning behind the words. It is important to be able to listen in both ways, but when in a supportive role, the focus is on the former, in order to help the speaker express what he/she needs to say. Further information on this can be found in the Academic Family Handbook.

Adapted from The Royal (Dick) Veterinary School Peer Support HandbookUniversity of Edinburg