8/13/2019 Absence of Grudges

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Absence of Grudges, Part 4 of 4 Copyright 2002 by Thomas J. Leonard. No duplication. All rights reserved.

Comments from participants...

Saturday Night Live... 

When I loo bac at !"!#$ single instance of someone %ho has With regards to the &grudges&note....&$ou're good enough( you're smart enough...and gosh darnit..people lie you&. as stuartsmalley says on )at. Night *ive. $ou're e+mail reminded me of many things you've already taughtin previous lessons....,or one...%hat purpose does the grudge serve- Another thing you've statedis &don't hang around& % people %ho don't add value or support your direction. Which brings meto a /uestion. Why are you still in contact %ith them. It's not providing any fruit for you by thesound of it. $ou have a choice( as you %ell no%....)o you can choose to hold on to thegrudge or let it go along % the forgiveness. ,orgiveness then is your first and possibly the onlystep prior to letting go.

 As for giving others credit in %hat they say. idn't on 1iguel #ui inform us in &The ,our Agreements& that it doesn't matter %hat someone else says about us. It's T3!I# opinion. If thatperson's opinion is setting us off( then maybe %e &agree& %ith them. Again( I thin you no% %ell

enough that %hat the critic said is only hisher opinion and may not be &truth&.

No% that I no% that Thomas Leonard even has doubt about hiscontributions...I feel a little better about learning from my o%n mistaes. $our three occurrences%ere a lesson that things %ill happen and %e can choose to learn or be peeved at it. I choose tolearn. And you've indicated that you have as %ell. so.....Just let go of the grudge. The people andtheir opinions 4ust don't matter.

Empathy dissolves grudges 1y e5periences %ith holding grudges began %hen my brother said he %as going to destroy mybusiness and mae sure I had nothing I could recoup. It %as hard to believe my o%n brother %as

intending this+ I struggled %ith &ho% in the %orld %as I responsible for creating this situation andho% could I love a brother %ho %ould desire this for me&. I decided I did not 3A"! to love mybrother and that I %ould not be financially ruined by his actions. 1ostly I tried to stay focused on%hat I had to do to eep my financial life afloat+ I %as not %illing to be his victim. I began in time+to see the gift his actions had been on maing me a stronger( more resilient person andeventually chose to absolutely forgive him. 3e ended up losing %ife and partners thru the missionhe too on to ruin me and my family. And I began to have great empathy for him %hich dissolvedall grudge I could have carried. *ater I became very strong and clear in communicating %ith him+andI feel the e5perience made me much stronger and spiritual in facing my future. 3e %as truly mygift in this lifetime. 1y brother %as later murdered by members of his e5 %ife's family + I do nothold a grudge +or even have thoughts about the perpetrators. Whatever 4ustice %as given him isenough for me. I do not desire any thoughts or feelings that hold me in that event. I canremember feeling his presence a fe% months after his death + and the gratitude I felt for my lifeand e5perience %ith him %as over%helming and a direct communication of our purpose to beborn into the same family.

I am not sure ho% letting go of the &grudge& e5perience happened. I guess mainly because I %asun%illing to feel emotionally bad for very long and I could see the value in ho% I emerged from thesituation. 6 it did tae a %hile7 I did not have the same relationship %ith him after that +but I didn't%ish it either. There %as no energy bet%een us that needed transforming. I %as complete %henhe left.

8/13/2019 Absence of Grudges

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#ecommended reading...The boo that helped me most %as &#adical ,orgiveness& by Colin Tippin

!reating Grudges "as a pattern in my life... ,irst I %ant to than you for being so open and so vulnerable about sharing 8 very hurtfulincidents in your life. To me that demonstrates courage and strength and I truly appreciate thee5ample9

I used to hold grudges %hen I %as much younger. In fact( loo up in the dictionary &grudge& andyou'd find my picture there. I found it impossible to let go of various transgressions( from themundane to the truly malicious. :ntil one day I realied that people avoided me. ;eople I reallylied. And then I spent some time listening to %hat %ords came out of my mouth( and( I %asappalled. I didn't lie the %ords and I didn't lie me. I also realied that most of my non+%oring%aing hours %ere devoted to listening to my Inner Critic bitch about these people in a milliondifferent %ays and plotting about ho% I %as &going to get even&. 1an( %hat a WA)T! of time andenergy9 No %onder I %as not getting other things I %anted to do done. And no %onder I %as aloneso much and hating it.

I finally decided to give the responsibility for punishment( vengeance( etc. over to %hat I call theCollective )oul. I figured that C) %ould have a much better idea about %hat to do or not do forthat person and %hen 6healing( giving enough rope( etc.7. I ept imagining the personincidentmyfeelings being %rapped in a beautiful bo5 %ith a big bo%( and a lovely card that said( &please taethis from me and do %ith it %hat you %ill&. I handed it over to C) %ith a smile( C) too it and said&than you&.

)ince then( I am able to instantly 4ust say( &C) %ill tae care of it& and it's gone. It's not evenabout forgiving them or me. To me( it's about accepting that it %as meant to occur for %hateverreason and the lesson( if there is one( %ill come to me %hen I can hear it and learn from it. Thatcould be instantly or years from no%.

Than you all for contributing9